1920’s Capital Etiquette of Washington

When there’s love at home: “Illustrating Etiquette in the Home.”

A FEW GENERAL RULES

Nothing so plainly shows a lack of breeding as to converse while some one is entertaining the company with music or recitation. It also is proof of extreme selfishness on the part of those guilty of this breach of etiquette.

Ladies, bear in mind that "Familiarity breeds contempt."

Gentlemen should always rise from their seats when being presented to members of either sex; with ladies this is not necessary.

When playing cards or any other game, carefully avoid any public demonstration of annoyance at a run of bad luck.

Gentlemen do not give expensive presents to ladies unless a degree of unusual intimacy exists. Candy and flowers are always proper gifts.

Gentlemen will always raise their hat when a lady acknowledges some act of courtesy as a response to such acknowledgment; likewise after assisting her into a carriage or automobile.

It is unpardonable to cut a person deliberately on the street unless for some extremely good reason, and the reasons are extremely few. If a person has been so unfortunate as to have disgraced himself, the true gentleman or lady will go out of their way to speak kindly to their erring friend or acquaintance. It is very easy to show an undesirable person that you are not willing to be on any but the most formal terms with him by coldly bowing or other means.

Gentlemen should never offer to shake hands with a lady, particularly if the acquaintance is slight; this is the lady's prerogative, and she may use her own judgment as to when it is proper to extend her hand in greeting. Except in exceptional cases, the lady should not offer to shake hands on the street.

Avoid talking about your personal affairs and petty troubles; you will soon gain the reputation of being a bore; never, urder any circumstances, air your family grievances in public; nothing shows poorer taste.

Do not be too inquisitive; no matter how curious do not try to pry into the affairs of your friends and acquaintances. You will be spoken of as a busybody and shunned by everyone if you do.

Avoid gossip, particularly avoid speaking unkindly of any friend or acquaintance who is absent. This is one of the most common breaches of etiquette, and many things said at random, with no intention of actual harm, have wrought havoc in the lives and reputations of others.

Should a lady's shoe become unlaced, a gentleman may, with perfect propriety, offer to fasten same.

Do not whistle or hum to yourself when on the street. Avoid onions or tobacco when you contemplate making a social call on ladies.

Above all things, do not pick your teeth, clean your finger nails or scratch your head in public.

Ladies are not expected to take a gentleman's arm when promenading in the day time.

Individuals so fortunate as to be able to entertain by reciting, singing, playing or in other ways should respond gracefully when asked, unless for some really plausible reason. Only a very inexperienced person waits to be urged. Be careful not to occupy the limelight and show off for too long a period as to have your efforts become monotonous. It is far more tactful and satisfactory to stop before the company has heard quite enough than to go to the other extreme.

Gentlemen should not smoke at any time in the presence of ladies without requesting and obtaining their permission in advance. If the permission is given with apparent reluctance, the perfect gentleman will have sufficient diplomacy not to take advantage of the privilege. Under no circumstances should a gentleman smoke when walking with a lady on the street; the fact that this is done frequently does not alter the fact that it is a breach of etiquette.

Gentlemen should be careful to extend all possible little courtesies, such as picking up a glove or handkerchief, fetching a chair, assisting her in and out of street cars; nothing so endears a man to the feminine mind as the strict observance of these small but important matters.

Avoid affectation; be simple and natural. If the company in which you are spending an evening is a little lower than your own social plane, do not adopt superior airs.

Do not read personal letters or papers in company unless absolutely necessary; at such a time, request permission to do so and apologize for the necessity.

If visiting a sick friend, above all things be cheerful; do not insist upon relating how many of your friends have been likewise afflicted, and how much worse they were; avoid talks of friends who have been seized with the same malady and fatally attacked.

Do not force your opinion and insist upon being heard when your superiors are talking.

Avoid speaking of melancholy and doleful matters at the table or at social gatherings.

If a person appears in public with bruised countenance or other blemish, do not gaze at the unfortunate individual fixedly, nor inquire as to how it happened. It is generally bad enough without having to add unpleasant explanations.

In case of argument, remember there are always two sides, and do not treat your opponent with scorn and strive to give the impression that he is of unsound intellect; possibly the company are entertaining the same sentiments towards yourself. Be ever courteous to every one, no matter what his rank and station in life may be.

Never speak in a frivolous manner of sacred things.

Do not permit yourself to become annoyed or disturbed at trifles.— From Edward S. Green’s, “The National Capital Code of Etiquette,” 1920

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Spotlight on Kseniia Markova

                                    

        Meet Etiquipedia Contributor, 

Kseniia Markova

Below are links to Kseniia Markova’s articles on Russian etiquette you’ll find on Etiquipedia:

• Russian Picnic Etiquette and History
• The Etiquette and History of Vodka
• Etiquette and the Russian Zakuski Table

I'm very proud that I've never given two same lectures in my entire career, I always add something or change the way of view. To be honest, I'm not a teacher, but a researcher. 

The following is a Q. & A. with Kseniia:

What was the impetus for starting your Etiquette business?

I would say it was happening by accident, but on the other hand, it could not have been any other way. It is very logical. On my dad's side of the family, we have a dynasty of diplomats, and on my mom's side, writers, artists, screenwriters and historians. No one forced me to choose, but these are such different fields of activity... 

When you grow up among people who are passionate about their work, who have achieved s real success and recognition, it is very difficult, but you really want to find your own way and make your own contribution to something good. And so, in our Etiquette748 project, I managed to make “homage” to both parts of my family. I write about etiquette, about history of etiquette and cross-culture. 

Kseniia is a holder of diplomas and certificates from leading schools and teachers in Europe. (including: Institut Villa Pierrefeu, Debrett’s Academy, The Minding Manners etc... She is the author of several books, including, “European Etiquette: Conversations about good manners and subtleties of behavior in society,” and “Etiquette. Traditions and history of romantic relationships,” and “Dress code: Etiquette and classics as ways of self-expression.” In 2022, this book won an award as the best in the field of etiquette. She is a member of the National Association of Protocol Specialists (NASP)

I write not only in Etiquette 748 as a blog, but I have a few books published already and one more, I hope, will “born” before the end of the year.  I am engaged in social European etiquette, Most of the diplomas and certificates I have received are about this. Now I find the topic of the history of feasting, table settings, table manners and the study of various rules related to this important issue in the history of people very fascinating. 

Food is the engine of progress at absolutely any stage of human evolution, because it is our basic need. People need to eat in order to live. Some products that today seem to us the most ordinary have gone through an interesting and long historical way and have become the basis of culture. Table setting, table manners are not just knives and forks lying on a certain side. Not at all! There are many different meanings and nuances in this.

I believe that we make the world a better. I believe that studying history and the peculiarities of different cultures makes you think about the diversity of the world, learn to respect the past, better understand the present and have some hope, be optimistic about the future. Etiquette, certainly, sets some boundaries, but they allow different people who grew up in different worlds and have different values ​​to find a common language and communicate comfortably, and most importantly, safely, find common topics. The main thing is not to offend anyone. It is especially unpleasant to do this out of ignorance or when you did not want it or just meant something else, but the someone understood it incorrectly, in a wrong way. 

Kseniia is a specialist in European social etiquette. Project creator & author for ETIQUETTE748, Kseniia won a national award in the field of protocol, image and etiquette, “For contributions to the development and popularization of the profession” for quality content that supports the ETIQUETTE748 project - 2018, and was a national award winner in the field of protocol and etiquette, in the category “Best educational project in the field of etiquette” -2022.

What do you enjoy teaching or passing on to others most?

I don't have any regular classes and I don't have a regular program. I'm very proud that I've never given two same lectures in my entire career, I always add something or change the way of view. To be honest, I'm not a teacher, but a researcher. Etiquette748 is already 10 years old and all this time we regularly publish articles 2-3 times a week on various topics related to etiquette. 

I try to keep up with what is happening in the global etiquette community, what books and interesting articles are coming out, new or previously published. 

What types of services do you offer?

We still don't have any plan, we write about what seems interesting for us. And taking this opportunity, I would like to thank my colleague Elena Fujiyama, a specialist in Japanese etiquette, for such a long and pleasant collaboration. Our articles can and should be read in the morning over a cup of coffee and we are very glad that we have been doing this for more than 10 years, it is for everyone and it is completely free.

I would like to thank my colleague Elena Fujiyama, a specialist in Japanese etiquette, for such a long and pleasant collaboration.

What age group do you enjoy working with most? And why?

I have worked with a variety of groups, except children. This, in my opinion, is a completely different world and I am not competent and good enough in this. I do not really deal with business etiquette, so I only have a few business clients.

Who are some of the older etiquette authors or authorities you enjoy most?

I like primary sources of etiquette history, for example, memoirs or letters of some famous people. There are many interesting things there, but, of course, it is impossible to definitely attribute them to historical sources. Opinions, observations and conclusions made by a specific, even very intelligent person are usually subjective. But you can feel the mood, aroma, tempo of some era that has long since passed away. These touches and nuances so beautifully complement the overall picture. 

Cookbooks of the past, articles in old newspapers and magazines, photographs of people and cities, castle interiors, guidebooks, paintings, catalogs of old exhibitions - all this is very interesting and very important. But in general, any information should be treated very carefully and checked many times. But still, I am an etiquette specialist and the blog is not only educational, but also entertaining. 

Thank you one more time, for me it is a big honor and pleasure to be a small part of your great Etiquipedia community!

If you’d like to reach Kseniia, she can be contacted via her feed @etiquette748 on Instagram

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia