Gilded Age Poetic Etiquette Humor

Etiquette humor was popular in the late-1800’s, and early 1900’s as the Gilded Age was winding down, though fashion magazines weren’t usually the first to print the funny posts.~ Image source, Pinterest

Mr. Josh Simpkins on Etiquette

I've studied up on etiquette,
Read every book that I could get, 
And yet There isn't one in all the lot 
That tells a feller it is not 
De rigger to cat pie For breakfast; 
hence, why shouldn't I? 
And, furthermore, I cannot find 
In all the books I call to mind 
A single line 
That gives a reason worth a whoop 
Against a second plate of soup
When fellers dine, 
And as for eating marrowfats 
Without a spoon I think that that's 
A fool- Ish sort of rule. 

When I eat peas,
 I'll do as I darn please! 
And, what is more, till I'm a snob 
I'll eat my corn straight off the cob, 
And sparrergrass I'll eat as I 
Have always done in days gone by- 
A sort of dangling from the sky, 
A sort of gift from heaven come, 
Held 'twist my finger and my thumb;  

And as for those peculiar things 
Called finger bowls I vow, by jings,
 I will not use 'em as they say 
The bon ton uses 'em today. 
If my hands ain't both good and clean, 
The pump is where it's always been, 
And, far as ever I could see, 
It's plenty good enough for me.
I don't stand much on etiquette, 
But yet I'm too polite to wash my paws 
At table, spite of social laws.

 

–Harper's Bazar, 1900

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia