Table Setting — Silver Flatware

Pictured above, “Continental” sized flatware can make plates and dishes look rather dwarfed, compared to smaller, American sized flatware. American flatware over the past 80 years or so, has been about an inch shorter and a bit smaller than its British and European counterparts. This except from the 1951, “The American Woman’s Cookbook” (formerly “The Delineator Magazine Cookbook”) clearly promotes using smaller flatware when entertaining.  —  “The luncheon knife and fork offer the greatest variety of uses. They may be used “around the clock,”for breakfast, for luncheon, for supper, and for certain courses at dinner, such as hors d'oeuvres, entrée, fish, salad, for dishes served in a ramekin, for dishes served at informal entertaining, and for large and small sandwiches. Smaller than the luncheon knife and fork are the tea knife and fork, with their increasingly-recognized number of uses.”

The silver on your table is a declaration of your taste. Whether it is sterling or plate, there is, in an excellent pattern and in the perfect form and proportion of the utensils, an unmistakable aristocracy that gives distinction.

Modern methods of manufacturing silver plate have made it not only durable but beautiful as well. Plated silver ranges from the very durable triple-plated ware, (heavy weight) which lasts a lifetime, through the double plate (medium weight) which has good wearing qualities, to the single plate which is light weight.

When you choose a pattern of silver, examine all the pieces, to be sure that you approve of the shapes of all the pieces, that the pieces are perfectly balanced, that the handles are comfortable to hold, and that the tips of the handles of the knives and forks fit perfectly into the center of the palm of the hand. Find out how long the pattern has been on the market, and, if possible, how long it is to be made, so that you will not suddenly discover that the pattern has been “discontinued.”

Place silver, or flat silver as it is sometimes called, consists of the knives, forks, and spoons necessary for general use at table.

Knives and Forks

The dinner knife and fork, although imposing members of the silver-family, are not the most important members, for their use is limited to the main course of dinner. The luncheon knife and fork offer the greatest variety of uses. They may be used “around the clock,”for breakfast, for luncheon, for supper, and for certain courses at dinner, such as hors d'oeuvres, entrée, fish, salad, for dishes served in a ramekin, for dishes served at informal entertaining, and for large and small sandwiches. Smaller than the luncheon knife and fork are the tea knife and fork, with their increasingly-recognized number of uses.

Butter spreaders are necessary in your first list. Later if you are not content to use the medium size knives and forks or the tea knives and forks for special courses like fish, entrée, salad, and fruit, you may buy fish knives and forks. entree knives and forks, and salad knives and forks (or, if you prefer, individual salad forks,) and fruit knives, or preferably, fruit knives and forks.

Spoons

Accompanying the medium size knife and fork, and of a size between a teaspoon and a tablespoon, is the dessert spoon, the spoon of a variety of uses, from eating soup and cereals, to eating desserts such as pudding and compote of fruit. 

Teaspoons have a great variety of uses, and while these are the first kind of small spoon to be bought you will want to add when you can, orange spoons, bouillon spoons, ice-cream spoons, coffee spoons, five o'clock teaspoons, and iced tea spoons. —From “The American Woman’s Cookbook,” 1951

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Table Setting — The Glass

Goblets are always provided with a foot, however small. The goblet is the dominant member of the “place glass” group, and all glasses of a service take their shape from it, following its contours very closely.

GLASS of late years, an awakening appreciation of the charm of glass has taken place. Perhaps the appeal of glorious color, so striking in this substance, accounts for it. Blue in varying tones was some years ago in wide favor; then amethyst dis placed it. Rapidly came amber, and green, which maintain a deserved respect, because of their adaptability. Rose, canary, sapphire, in quick succession-no color today is unrepresented. Glass is often selected to “go with” certain tones of china.

The hostess with a sense of fitness has a glass service for each of her dinner services. For her severely formal tables she uses glittering crystal, etched or cut, engraved or gold decorated. But there is ample opportunity for her to indulge her love for color to the full, to arrange tables with an eye to the dining-room effects, or to build them according to her own color preferences.

Kinds of Glasses

GOBLET. The goblet is the aristocrat of table glass. In its usual form it is a flaring round bowl resting on a tall slender stem. In certain styles, however, the “stem” becomes a mere button. Goblets are always provided with a foot, however small. The goblet is the dominant member of the “place glass” group, and all glasses of a service take their shape from it, following its contours very closely.

OTHER PLACE GLASS. In addition to the goblet, there may be placed at each cover at least one other glass for the cup or other beverages. At very formal dinners two extra glasses are often placed, but never more.

The shapes and sizes of these supplementary glasses vary as their purposes. On the continent, for example, there is a definite type of glass placed for certain wines. Thus a glass for sherry is differently shaped from one for claret: it is more sharply tapered and considerably smaller.

For the most part the glasses of this type that we see in America are either the claret, or the tall shallow champagne glass. The claret, whose capacity makes it a fine utility glass, is used for almost any kind of cup. On the other hand the tall champagne glass is often placed for its high decorative value. Few glasses are as graceful as this shallow bowl on its slender shaft.

SHERBET. The sherbet glass is a medium depth broad bowl on a short stem. In it are served sherbets, ice-cream, frozen desserts. Much used now, however, for this purpose is the tall shallow champagne glass, perhaps because of its more imposing height and dignity.

HOLLOW STEM CHAMPAGNE. This glass is similar to the tall champagne glass, except that the stem instead of being solid is hollow to the very bottom. While its primary use was for serving champagne, today we often serve in it ginger ale, and other carbonated drinks. The hollow stem releasing a train of sparkling bubbles is picturesque indeed.

FINGER BOWL. The finger bowl is a low broad bowl, variously shaped. It is usually seen without a “foot,” but certain styles have such supports. Finger bowls are fitted with matching under-plates, but their use is optional.

GRAPEFRUIT BOWL. This is a double bowl for chilled food cocktails. It consists of a large bowl on a stem. Within it is placed a smaller “cup” or “lining,” The grapefruit or other cocktail is put in the small cup, and the space is filled with crushed ice. between the cups.

TUMBLER. In its simplest form, a tumbler is simply a glass cylinder with one end closed. But the glass designer does wonders with it. He mounts it on a foot: he shapes its sides in lovely contours: often he makes it angular instead of round.

The sizes commonly used are:

Apollinaris Tumbler. This is a small, narrow tumbler used for liquids that are served in small quantities, such as orange juice, grape juice, mineral water. It is often used for water when space is at a premium, as on breakfast trays, or at bridge tables. It holds about five ounces.

Table Tumbler. Also called water tumbler. It is a low tumbler, containing about ten ounces, and is used to serve water informally, at simple meals. There is also a water tumbler of about the same capacity, but narrower and taller, sometimes called the “Ale tumbler.”

Highball Tumbler. A tall tumbler, used to serve “long drinks,” or iced tea, iced coffee, iced chocolate, and so forth. It holds about 12 ounces.

Iced Tea Tumbler. A normal iced tea tumbler, sufficiently large to contain plenty of ice. Its capacity runs from 14 to 16 ounces.

BESIDES THE PIECES IN GENERAL USE DESCRIBED ABOVE, there are all manner of articles blown for special uses: trays for hors d'oeuvres; salad bowls, salt dips, saucers for berries, and plates of various sizes.— From “The American Woman’s Cookbook,” 1951

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Table Setting – The China

“Today there are patterns for every occasion. Breakfast china is gay, sprightly; color runs rampant upon it; often whole gardens shine on its face. But it would not be used for a dinner, which demands fine china of exquisitely fine design. Luncheon is still another thing. Its china may vary as the season or as the whim of the hostess.” – The term “china” can refer to any plates, porcelain or ceramic ware on the table which are not made of metal or glass. 

                                        

THE social life of a household, whether the household is a simple one or an elaborate one, centers about its dining-table and whether that dining-table is simply or elaborately dressed, it should, by its harmony and unity of setting, indicate that it is arranged according to a definite artistic standard. Every accessory that builds the table-picture – the silver, china, glass, and linen– furthers the art of gracious living in the household.

CHINA

Perhaps in greater degree than any other domestic appointments, does china present an opportunity for indulgence of personal whim and the exercise of good taste on the part of the hostess. Today there are patterns for every occasion. Breakfast china is gay, sprightly; color runs rampant upon it; often whole gardens shine on its face. But it would not be used for a dinner, which demands fine china of exquisitely fine design. Luncheon is still another thing. Its china may vary as the season or as the whim of the hostess.

Modern day impatience with formula and rite is nowhere more eloquently expressed than in the growing custom of using different patterns for different courses, all related by the thread of harmony. The hostess of today considers sameness identical with boredom. If she uses a cobalt and gold service plate, she may elect to use a simple gold-banded entrée plate. The fish plate perhaps may have yellow bands to match the flowers in the center. The roast plate may present a pattern bordertouched with gold, and yellow, and blue. Her dessert plate will be utterly different from any of the foregoing: it may strike an entirely new note; but it will not be discordant or jarring. Obviously, all dishes used in one course should match.

Plates of Various Sizes and How They Are Used

In the following list the measurements, in inches, are from extreme rim to rim:

PLACE PLATE (also called cover plate, service plate, lay plate). 10 to 11 inches.

DINNER PLATE (roast plate). 10 inches, but seen as large as 10½ inches. The size of the dinner plate is fairly large, due to the current practice of placing attendant vegetables on the plate with the meat. The day of side dishes, each bearing a particular variety of vegetables, has definitely passed.

ENTRÉE PLATE. 82 to 9½ inches. A most convenient size, for, in addition to its use in serving entrées, it is often employed as a salad plate, or a fish plate: even a dessert plate when the finger bowl is borne in with the dessert silver on the plate, the finger bowl being removed later.

DESSERT PLATE. 72 to 8 inches. Used for miscellaneous desserts, and salads. It becomes the cake plate at tea. 

BREAD AND BUTTER PLATE. 6 to 6½ inches. Universally used now: the butter chip, for individual butter service is extinct.

SOUP PLATE. 8 to 8½ inches at rim, for the usual type of soup plate with wide, flat rim. There is also a bowl soup plate, or “coup” soup, which has no rim at all. Soup plates are not as commonly used as at one time, due to the spreading favor accorded the cream soup cup and the bouillon cup for luncheons and informal meals.

Cups and Bowls

CREAM SOUP CUP. This is a low, broad cup, handled on both sides. Its width is from 42 to 5 inches, and its depth about two. It is used for the serving of purées, bisques, cream soups, and is extremely popular for luncheons.

BOUILLON CUP. A tea cup with two handles. Clear soups, consommés, bouillons are served in it.

CHILLED COCKTAIL BOWL. This is distinctly an innovation in china service. It is a low, wide bowl, fitted with a separate small container. The space between the bowl proper and the inner cup is filled with crushed ice. Used for grapefruit, shrimp cocktail, and many other foods best served chilled.– From “The American Woman’s Cookbook,” 1951

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Table Manners of Young Boys

Table Manners and the 7 year old boy… “ When Charles was a baby he had better manners than he has at 7 years. He was clean and could eat like a grown person, but of late he spills, slops, and upsets everything on the table cloth and is always in haste…”

More “Tuning in With Our Children”

“HOW SOON can we expect children to have good table manners? When Charles was a baby he had better manners than he has at 7 years. He was clean and could eat like a grown person, but of late he spills, slops, and upsets everything on the table cloth and is always in haste. 

“We don't let him go anywhere after dinner so there is no need for his shoving his food down, forgetting to use his napkin, and messing up the table. What would you do?” Being a boy, I would make so much allowance for his wobbly movements, his rapidly developing muscles and take so much pride in his fine appetite, that I would do nothing about it.

Dull Edge of Appetite

However, it isn't a wise health precaution to allow a child to bolt
his food so I would offer him an apple or glass of milk about four o’clock in the afternoon so that the keen edge of his appetite might be somewhat appeased. When dinner hour arrives try to about the day's happenings or tomorrow’s plans.

In any event, one thing I wouldn’t engage him in conversation at table do, mother, and that is nag him about his habits until he was made nervous, uncomfortable and self-conscious.

Wink at Mistakes 

Compliment him when he has eaten leisurely, been thoughtful to pass food or remarks to you and father at table and wink at a lot of etiquette until his muscular development is more stable.

Of course you can’t wink at big weekly laundry problems, but there are excellent substitutes for table cloths that can be wiped off after each meal.

You might try that type of cover with the suggestion that everyone will clean around his own plate. And since he will not like the idea of cleaning up he may become more careful.

Change Will Come

Don't worry, mother, when Charles grows up and goes a-courting, he will develop a table technique soon enough. Just now his mind and body are centered on 2 million more interesting things than table manners.

You could encourage him by suggesting taking him out to dine in public places as soon as he has learned to eat carefully. Suggest that to do so would be embarrassing to you until he improves.– By James Samuel Lacy, 1932

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Gilded Age Royal Dining Etiquette

 

An American Breakfast Table of the Period

The dinners of the Czar and the richer Russian Princes are models of their kind. It was the Russians who invented the idea of serving the dishes all from the outside; hence a service à la Russe, which prevents the tablecloth from being smeared with gravy and other greasy substances. The choice porcelain and glass, the gold and silver, beautiful ornaments— these are the wonder of all travelers who visit Russia. 

The old fashion has returned again of a sort of elevated tray, or little table in the middle of the table, on which are placed the choice silver jugs, ornamented pieces, and the flowers, fruits, candied fruits — indeed, the ornamental pieces of the dinner. This sort of tray, to be at its best, should be of inlaid wood, bound in silver, and of the time of Louis Quinze. A real antique of this kind is highly prized in France, England and Italy. For the breakfast-table a rotating round china standard, in two parts for the jam, honey, butter, powdered sugar, potted meats, etc., and other belongings of a breakfast, is almost universal in England.— Harpers Bazaar, 1887

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Old Italian and German Royal Etiquette

 “The King only speaks Italian and French, so the conversation is generally in those two languages. French, of course, is supposed to be a universal language.”  – Photo of Quirinal Palace in Italy taken by Wolfgang Moroder.

The dinners at the Quirinal Palace in Italy are far more simple as to etiquette than that of England. The same formality is observed in the entrance of the King and Queen, but the conversation is more general and the Queen does not wear her gloves. She converses in English fluently. The King only speaks Italian and French, so the conversation is generally in those two languages. French, of course, is supposed to be a universal language. 

The dinners of Germany are not long, but they are formal and tedious, and the cooking does not commend itself to all tastes. The perfection of a dinner is found in London, generally at the house of Ambassadors, who combine the Excellencies of all nations with the follies of none. After asking the consent of the ladies present, the Italian and Turkish embassies allow the smoking of cigarettes between the salad and dessert. This fashion prevails in France and Russia, ladies smoking quite freely as men. – Harpers Bazaar, 1887

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New French Etiquette Manuel of 1906

Women and children walking in Paris, at Tuileries Gardens, 4th June 1906 – Image source, Pinterest

Bits of Paris Etiquette

Manual Has Been Issued in France to Guide Both Men and Women

How one ought to behave in polite society is always an interesting topic, and even if we know all about it it is worth while to hear what the latest mentor has to say on this score. “The Etiquette of Politeness and the Usages of Modern Society in all the Circumstances of Life” is the ponderous title of a bulky volume issued in Paris on this entertaining subject.

As an index to the behavior of French women and French men it is significant to note that young wives are counseled to banish from their dwelling the “dangerous visitor,” giving him to understand that “you can never be anything more to him than a stranger.” Young men who think they look well on horseback should meditate this sage advice: “If you are not an experienced equestrian, do not accompany the ladies to hounds.”

Men who have attained a certain age are told that they may “embrace little girls on the fore-head before their confirmation. Up till that period it is a paternal caress, but after that it is wise to abstain.” Presumably after confirmation the little girls begin to develop a a preference for other than paternal caresses. One would have thought that in a country where men were so proverbially gallant it would not have been necessary to warn them that it is not “correct to stand with their back to the fire, leaning on the mantelpiece.”

But the counsel is there, and it is gravely added: “By so doing you deprive others of the comfort- ing heat which you monopolize.” “The husband,” we learn, “in speaking of his wife says: ‘My wife,’ but he must not say to her: ‘Is it not so, my wife?’ Neither must the wife address her husband in this fashion.” – Adin Argus, 1906

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Leisure Time Pursuits and Manners

Children possessed of good manners have more poise and self-respect. We try in our school to find frequent occasions when our boys and girls can practice these gracious social arts.

“Every year we have to fight to retain in our schools the experiences most valuable for our children,” a mother writes. “If the school helps my boy and my girl fill their leisure time full of worthwhile recreational activity, then I know they're not going to turn to crime or debauchery for adventure or excitement.”

 Thank you, mother. I think you’re absolutely right. Our children must know how to play if they are to express their best selves. But there are many people who feel that an education consists of a quart or so of facts about arithmetic, history, language and the other conventional school subjects.

But I believe that teaching children social etiquette is more valuable than the multiplication tables. To reduce feelings of inferiority and build self-assurance through the knowledge that one knows and practices good manners is more important than knowing when Columbus arrived in America or where Madagascar is located.

Children possessed of good manners have more poise and self-respect. We try in our school to find frequent occasions when our boys and girls can practice these gracious social arts.

And we feel that training in personal care, hygiene, cleanliness, neatness and proper dress should be emphasized just as much as rules of grammar.

Tells Vital Lessons

I think I’m talking today about vital lessons. We must have a chance in our schools to guide our youngsters into appreciation of the best in literature, art, music, drama, rhythm and human relationships.

We must help them to have eyes to see, ears to hear, hearts to understand the beauty, color, harmonies, truth and goodness that surround us.

Art and morality go hand in hand; they emancipate our children from the bondage of sensuality and enable them to take hold upon things unseen and eternal.

Emotions Ennobled

Music, art, literature bring uplift, joy and beauty into many dreary, drab days. They ennoble and spiritualize our emotions. They lift us out of the commonplace into the mysterious, spiritual, eternal world that surrounds us. – James Samuel Lacy, 1937

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16th C. “French Fashion Spoons”

“Trefids are termed ‘the French Fashion Spoons’, and the style spread very quickly throughout the United Kingdom; in part due to the British people who took their old spoons to the silversmiths to have them melted and made into the new trefid style - that is if they could afford it.” – Image source, the Etiquipedia Library

 

“In the 16th century, people typically had one spoon which was used at all mealtimes, being washed between uses. It was also deemed as a sign of class and status if the spoon was made from anything other than wood.  It is suggested that silver spoons came to Britain with the Romans, however, the Trefid spoon originated in France; the French call it ‘Pied de Biche’ which translated means Deer’s foot. 

“It is said that – while in court in France – Charles II noticed they used a specific type of spoon called the trefid, and it was through Charles II that trefid spoons were introduced to Britain in 1660. Trefids are termed ‘the French Fashion Spoons’, and the style spread very quickly throughout the United Kingdom; in part due to the British people who took their old spoons to the silversmiths to have them melted and made into the new trefid style – that is if they could afford it.”– From the blog.acsilver.co.uk

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The Science of Salads

An assortment of Gilded Age salad forks, lettuce serving forks and one lettuce serving spoon — “Alexandre Dumas devotes more than 1,000 words in his Grand Dictionnaire de Cuisine to demonstrating that salad is not natural food for man. Only ruminants, he writes, are equipped to deal with raw greenery in their stomachs, since raw plants are dissolved not by acids but by alkalis. It is, he says, an excess of civilization that has made us take to eating raw salads. The ultimate error is to make salad accompany a roast. To eat salad with haunch of venison, or with roast pheasant or woodcock is simply culinary heresy. One spoils the other.”

The rights and wrongs of the science of dining seem to arouse passions as much as politics or bridge, and nothing is more controversial than the right way to dress a salad.

Alexandre Dumas devotes more than 1,000 words in his Grand Dictionnaire de Cuisine to demonstrating that salad is not natural food for man. Only ruminants, he writes, are equipped to deal with raw greenery in their stomachs, since raw plants are dissolved not by acids but by alkalis. It is, he says, an excess of civilization that has made us take to eating raw salads. The ultimate error is to make salad accompany a roast. To eat salad with haunch of venison, or with roast pheasant or woodcock is simply culinary heresy. One spoils the other. 

All game of haut gout, he considers, ought to be eaten by itself just with the sauce of its own juices. It is an act of great culinary impiety to allow your salad to be made by a servant. Salad is served at a moment when hunger is three-quarters assuaged and you need an aperitif to restore your appetite and thus it has to be perfect, prepared with loving skill and intelligence. Where, the inference is, will you find this except in the master or mistress of the house? And so the salad must be composed by one of them and at least an hour before it is due to be served. During that hour it should be turned three or four times.

Salad consists of vegetables to which certain aromatic herbs have been added, seasoned with salt, white pepper, oil, vinegar and sometimes with mustard and soya. Herbs, again, are of three kinds: pot-herbs, dressing-herbs and seasonings. There are six pot-herbs: sorrel, lettuce, white beet, mountain spinach (orach) spinach and purslane. Dressing- herbs are parsley, tarragon, chervil, chive, spring onion, savory, fennel, thyme, basil and tansy. There are twelve seasoning-herbs: garden cress, watercress, chervil, tarragon, burnet, samphire, hartshorn, lesser basil, purslane, balm and chives. When seasoning chicory you put at the bottom of the salad bowl a stale crust of bread rubbed with garlic to absorb surplus vinegar.

Until recently salad-dressing seems to have been a peculiarly French accomplishment. After the Revolution several of the aristocratic refugees in England and America made fortunes as salad-dressers. In London, a young man called d'Aubignac accumulated £80,000 in quite a short period from the exercise of this skill, in which he seems to have used considerable imagination, as he is said to have used perfumed vinegars, oils tasting of fruit, soy, ketchup and even caviare among his ingredients. — From “The Joy of Eating,” by Katie Stewart, 1937

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Cheerful Homes Make Happy Children

It requires gay courage to hide the vicissitudes of the day beneath a smile, but your child will get his example of courage or weakness from you. You are the source of his supply. If you let immediate disappointment befog your vision of success you’re vacillating, negative attitude is the pattern your child sees and adopts.

Tuning in With Our Children

“I am so happy I don't know what to do,” said a child to me this morning. “Father has had wonderful luck in his business and mother doesn't have the headache now, and our home is the happiest place in the world.” How susceptible children are to environment! They are bouyant or depressed according to the mood parents reflect. If we are neurotic or worry-ridden they are neurotic or worry-ridden and they are filled with fear complexes for children are more keenly imaginative than we adults.

For that reason if parents discuss the successes and failures of a business day at home they should do so with confidence and optimism or exercise extreme caution about what is said in the presence of their impressionable young folk.

In a home where father expresses pessimism and mother expresses worry the child easily becomes an apostle of failure, for the people in whom he has most confidence have undermined his belief in success.

It requires gay courage to hide the vicissitudes of the day beneath a smile, but your child will get his example of courage or weakness from you. You are the source of his supply. If you let immediate disappointment befog your vision of success you’re vacillating, negative attitude is the pattern your child sees and adopts.

The lives of great men reveal that crowning success is usually the culmination of a series of seeming defeats. It is defeat analyzed and adjusted to overcome the handicaps. The father referred to in this instance didn’t succeed on luck. His effort in adjusting his business to undermined his belief in success.

His effort in adjusting his business to make it pay dividends had succeeded after many serious reverses. He didn't quit trying and so he found the right combination. And it is a happy combination, indeed, that has affected his entire family. It has cured mother’s nervous headaches, and set a morose child to singing the praises of a happy home.

Every home should be the happiest place in the world to its child members. It will be a happier place for grownups as well as when we learn to emphasize our capacities for success and to minimize our defeats as transitory obstacles which courage and effort can dispel. – James Samuel Lacy, 1929

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The Formal Dinner by Louis Sherry

The formal dinner setting for the first course of Oysters, by famed gilded age restauranteur and hotelier, Louis Sherry.
Oftentimes, hoteliers and restauranteurs get some aspects of the table setting wrong. It could be a matter of personal or establishment preference or possibly wanting to start a trend. — “At the left of the service plate are three forks — prongs up and perfectly aligned. Nearest the plate is the salad fork…”
Note that he has only one glass or goblet at the setting, he placed the napkin on the left and refers to the fork tines as “prongs.” These were unique choices in an age of definitive social rules.

 

THE one occasion of the day, perhaps, when we do not stiffen perceptibly at the idea of formality— when we do not mind a slight tightening of the bonds of acceptedly good procedure. Here the candle-sticks which all through the day have been frowned upon, come into their own-great high ones, for they are with- out shades and must be above the eye level. The question of bread and butter plates is an open one, but they are convenient. I like them and I use them.

The cloth is of white damask over a “felt.” The decorations are flowers, in a flower bowl of silver. Dinner napkins are either folded square and flat and laid on each place plate or they may be loosely folded and placed at the right of the oyster fork. Silver place plates are extremely desirable and are not removed until the soup course has been finished — the oyster and soup plates being placed on top of them.

At the left of the service plate are three forks — prongs up and perfectly aligned. Nearest the plate is the salad fork. Next to this comes the dinner fork, while the fish fork takes its place at the extreme left. At the right and nearest to the plate is the Mirrorstele-blade dinner knife— next the silver fish knife, both with edges turned toward the plate the soup spoon and last the oyster fork.

At a formal dinner no place is left uncovered by a plate at any time. The only dishes placed on the table are the small, decorative silver holders of sweets and nuts. The carving is done in the kitchen. — From “Silverware: The Autocrat of Every Table,” 1926

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A New “Agony Aunt” Arrived

“Agony Aunts” have been popular in newspapers and magazine since the late 1800’s. Men and women usually wrote under fictitious names in the 1920’s, but James Samuel Lacy wrote under his real moniker. Being an educator, his focus was on children and parenting. Many of his columns focused on manners and morals. This was posted in the San Pedro News Pilot in 1929, announcing the new feature and requesting letters from parents. We have several of his columns and  advice already posted in our archives. – “Has your experience with your own children in guiding them to paths of beauty and service given you an insight into problems of child training which you would be willing to share with other parents?”

Tuning in With Our Children

By James Samuel Lacy, Chairman of School Education

Do questions arise in connection with the guidance of your children which you would be glad to discuss with a friend who will listen with a sympathetic understanding? James Samuel Lacy is that friend.

Has your experience with your own children in guiding them to paths of beauty and service given you an insight into problems of child training which you would be willing to share with other parents?

Send a report of such successful experience to James Samuel Lacy who conducts Tuning In With Our Children, a feature appearing daily in the pages of this news paper. Your ideas, no doubt, may serve to help other parents, who find themselves confronted with a dilemma as to the proper procedure for their children's best interests.

Tuning In With Our Children is for all fathers and mothers, and for all friends of children everywhere. This is your column. We want you to use it and the expert service of its author to the fullest extent.

Address James Samuel Lacy, care of this newspaper.– San Pedro News Pilot

State Chairman of School Education of The California Congress of Parents and Teachers

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Etiquette, Parenting and a Pick-Pocket

                                                                                         

It just isn’t possible to be Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde parents. We can’t make one code for ourselves and another for our children. They will insist upon sharing our code. Mother can never hope to teach her child honesty and openly practice dishonesty in her presence. 

Little Lady Pick-Pocket

I know a mother who severely chastised her child for taking money from her purse without permission, and expending it to suit her childish fancy. She punished her, berated her act, and named it theft. And then discoursed on the terrible disgrace of being a thief. She asked the teacher to keep an eye on her to see that she did not appear in school with the fruits of petit larceny about her. How do you suppose this child evolved the notion of appropriating another’s property? I could not but wonder, since she came from a home where funds were ample and the opportunities of a generous allowance were provided her. 

X encouraged the child to make a confidant of me and sought to have her elucidate the problem we were to help her overcome. She explained that she didn't think she was stealing at all since mother took money from father’s pocket-book when he didn’t know it. “And mother,” she suggested, “gets a lot more allowance than I do.” I tried to explain that mother was father’s partner, and that they probably had an understanding regarding the family funds, but the child remained firm and finally said, “Well, just the same they have lots of fights about it, but mother doesn’t stop it.” 

The father confirmed the truth of the child’s statement. This mother was objecting to her own pattern. Where do you suppose she expected her child to get her notion of respect for the property of others? She not only failed to play the game squarely financially herself but subjected the child to the sordid discussions that followed when she picked father’s pockets. It just isn’t possible to be Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde parents. We can’t make one code for ourselves and another for our children. They will insist upon sharing our code. Mother can never hope to teach her child honesty and openly practice dishonesty in her presence. 

Better begin now, mother, to set your child an honest example or you will be shocked in a few years to hear your young daughter say or infer by her attitude that her mother is a hypocrite whose advice she can't afford to take seriously. There is a cure for little lady pick-pocket, mother, and I think it consists in a frank explanation on your part that it is unfair and unwise to take or appropriate the property of another. It doesn’t matter if that person is a member of your own family, and responsible for your care. Why not agree that you will both refrain from a habit that you know leads to unfairness and dishonesty. There’s no disgrace in admitting you were wrong. I think your daughter will respect you all the more if you are sincere and live up to your agreement. – James Samuel Lacy, 1929

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Love

                                            

Table Manners Change When They Fall in Love

The many mothers who have asked for suggestions, pamphlets and general helps in teaching their children table manners, especially boys, would laugh to see me wince and shrug my shoulders. It's the hardest job I have been asked to tackle. Perhaps women folks might thing it easy enough, with their delicate appetites and refined instincts, but there is something about being a boy that's different.

I recall so vividly my own mother’s attempts to teach me. I know so well that exasperated look that only mothers can mirror when one or more healthy boys stampede the table. Boys seem to eat everything in sight if company is present. That’s the way mother sees it. And they eat in such voracious fashion that mother thinks the guest may be moved to wonder if her boy is not a cross between a savage and a pig.

Sympathy With The Boys

And yet, shocked as mothers may be, my sympathies are with the boys. Every grown-up on the place assumes that a boy’s meal time is the one opportunity for a lesson in correct eating. On behalf of us boys, I would like to suggest that a better time to teach a bag to stand upright is when it is full. And the same applies to boys.

Demonstrate by example, rather than by precept, the social graces of eating. One thing is certain. To make a boy the brunt of the family wit or sarcasm or nagging because he “gobbles” his food, as one mother puts it, never converts him into a boy with socialized table manners.

Unique Training

A fine suggestion came from a mother with whom I discussed this problem the other day. The children are served apart from the family, either in their own room, the kitchen or at a small table in the dining room. Mother, father or an adult brother or sister may sit at their table. This older family guest at the children's table encourages the youngsters to take turns playing host to each other. They are complimented for conformity to correct standards. A favorite dessert, & small favor, or some interesting small reward should accompany success.

Mothers, please realize that children should not be expected to have perfect table manners before the adolescent stage and many of them not before the end of adolescence. Of course children can be coerced to conform before that age, but to develop the social graces naturally is your desired objective.

Encourage the boy. Exemplify charming manners, yourself. Teach your children to hold a chair for mother at age 4 or 5. Accustom him to the demands of civilization a little bit at a time. Develop one habit at a time. It may seem a slow process. But there comes a time in the life of every boy when correct eating habits develop rapidly.

Interested In The Ladies 

We can usually tell what has happened when a boy becomes tremendously interested in the spoon to use for his soup and the proper fork for his salad. He is interested in the ladies. Up to that time he believes and insists that he is living in a man’s world.

Whenever I think of this problem I recall the table manners of certain kings and queens of but a few short centuries ago. In those days a leg of mutton was merely a good-sized bite to an experienced diner. And when I remember that those royal diners tossed their bones under the table to feed the hounds wandering about the banquet hall, I am consoled about the table manners of modern youth. – By James Samuel Lacy, 1930

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Manners and Social Customs

When the lady at the other end of the table proffers you a second piece of pie, if you want it, say so. It is the least compliment you can pay her for giving you a seat at her table. Don’t keep on in the old New England fashion of saying “No,” with a tone and glance which convey the unmistakable gloss, “Yes, but I wan’t a little urging.

Perhaps it is the highest test of good breeding to be able to accept and bear an unusual load of obligation without allowing the friend who confers the favor to think you feel overburdened. Ill-bred people who are ill at ease in their company manners, generally meet all proffered courtesies at first as though they could on no account think of accepting them. Thus, when the gentleman who carves the chicken asks you which bit you prefer, believe that he asks because he would be pleased to know, and tell him, instead of saying what is obviously a what-d’-ye call-it, that it makes not the slightest difference: and when the lady at the other end of the table proffers you a second piece of pie, if you want it, say so. It is the least compliment you can pay her for giving you a seat at her table. Don’t keep on in the old New England fashion of saying “No,” with a tone and glance which convey the unmistakable gloss, “ Yes, but I wan’t a little urging.”— By Joaquin Miller for the Boston Transcript, 1874

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1920’s High School Manners

The South Philadelphia High School for Girls Class of 1921

Image source The Library Company of Philadelphia Digital Collection

The tide has turned. The old-fogy grown-ups have been made
to see what is the matter with the great youth of America. It's not mortals that are bad, but it's manners.

A movement to improve the conduct of the boys and girls has
started among the girls of the South Philadelphia High school,
and in accordance with their request the faculty has prepared a
manual of manners.

The girls have all agree to obey the rules in the manual. Some of these rules are:

• Girls should be simply and inconspicuously dressed at all times.
• It is bad taste to wear pretty dresses to school
• Avoid high French heels.
• Avoid the bad taste of using rouge, too much powder, too striking hats, extreme decollate, too short skirts, unsuitable shoes and stockings, excessive jewelry.
• Avoid loud talking and laughter.
• A girl should not take a boy’s arm on the street.
• Manicuring should be done only in the privacy of one home.
• When invited to a theater and asked your preference of plays, keep in mind the ability of the boy to pay for seats.
• Discourage extravagance on his part.
• Refrain from reading aloud explanations on screens at the movies.
• Do not speak of illness, operations or vermin. Topics should be pleasant.

Besides these and other matters of various degrees of lament there is the important rule that a gentleman caller should leave a
girl's home at 10 o'clock. Because different conditions have held regarding the young folks of the present from those which constrained their elders in the hey-day of their youth, too many of the latter have condemned all the heedless conduct of modern young people as morally bad. This unfortunately in most cases is not the truth. But that their manners, judged any standard of well-bred people, are quite atrocious, is unquestionable.

When youth, innocent, though ill-mannered, is frowned upon as being bad, it is naturally sullen or impudent. No improvement is
made. When it becomes quite clear that the whole trouble is that of careless, bad manners, the whole outlook is different. This distinction seems to have been sensibly made by those Quaker
City girls. Undoubtedly the results of the campaign will be good.– Colusa Daily Sun, 1921

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Mothers, Manners and the Sexes

Why is a little girl adjured from her birth to act like a lady, while a boy is permitted to conduct himself like a hoodlum? 

Boys, as Well as Girls, Must Be Taught Manners!

WHY is it that mothers take so much trouble to teach their girls good manners and none to teach their boys any manners at all? Why is a little girl adjured from her birth to act like a lady, while a boy is permitted to conduct himself like a hoodlum? Why are there “finishing schools” for girls, where they are taught the little niceties of conduct that set apart the well-bred from the ill-bred, while a boy is left to form his own manners, and become a Beau Brummel, or a boor, as it happens? Do we consider that good manners and social adroitness are less necessary to a man than they are to a woman? Do we hold that women should have a monopoly on good manners? Or do we think that good manners come by nature, as Dogberry thought, a knowledge of reading and writing did? 

Whatever the answer is to these queries, there is no disputing the fact that the average little girl, of good family, has charming manners, and the average little boy is a savage. When the little girl comes into the room when you are calling on her mother she drops you a courtesy and treats you with respectful consideration. But let little brother come into the room, and he doesn’t notice a visitor any more than if she was a piece of furniture. He keeps his hat on his head, and cuts across the conversation to ask mother whatever he wants to know, and when you speak to him, he doesn't even answer you. 

Boys Rude Everywhere

One of the sights of this city that is enough to make any one weep is the horde of boys that you encounter on the streetcars. They are well dressed, evidently come from respectable families, but they have the manners of hoodlums. They rush pell-mell into a car, seize every good seat, and sit there while gray-haired women and women with babies stand. It makes one wonder what sort of mothers these boys have that they have not been taught the first element of good manners, or the first principles of the art of being a gentleman. 

Last summer I stayed all night at a New England summer resort. At dinner, at the table next to mine, were eight or ten young girls and boys, having a jolly time together. Presently to this table came an elderly woman. All of the other boys went on with their eating and laughing, but one lad sprang to his feet and stood while a waiter drew out the old lady’s chair and settled her comfortably. My companions and I looked at each other with smiles of approbation. “If I were looking for a boy to take into my business I’d give that youth a chance,” said the man of the party. “I’d like to know that boy’s mother,” I said. “If he had his pedigree hung around his neck and coat of arms branded on his forehead you wouldn’t know any more what sort of family he comes from,” said the other woman. 

Good Manners Influence All

Now very likely that boy didn't have any more intelligence, and wasn’t any kinder-hearted, and had no more real worth than the other boys at the table with him, but he had better manners, and his good manners had prejudiced everybody in the whole room in his favor. Every one of us felt like doing something for him out of sheer gratitude giving a living illustration of how a gentlemanly lad t should act. There is no bigger asset in the world manners. They are a letter of credit that every one of us honors at sight. They are the open sesame before which closed doors fly open. They make friends for us, and smooth the rough places. They will carry a man farther than brains, or industry, or the whole category of virtues, and, this being true, it passes all understanding that mothers do not think it worth while to teach their boys even the elements of courtesy and how to conduct themselves toward other people. 

If a mother can do but one thing on earth for her son, she can polish up his manners. If she can teach him but one thing, she can teach him courtesy. If she can give him but one thing, she can give him the charm that comes of being well bred, and that will make friends for him of everybody he encounters. And if be has that he doesn’t need Bishop Quintard, in speaking of Sewanee University in the South, that he founded, once said: “We can’t turn out every man who comes to Sewanee a scholar, because the good God hasn’t given every man the brains of a student, but we do turn out every boy that comes to Sewanee with the manners of a gentleman, and that’s the next best thing.” 

How One Mother Succeeded 

Some mothers do appreciate the necessity of teaching their boys good manners, and one of these whose little eight year old son is a perfect Chesterfield, said this to another woman who rhapsodized over the child’s manners in a mannerless age: “Well, we’ve tried to help Jack make a gentleman of himself, which is about the finest thing that any man can be. As soon as he could understand we began talking to him a great deal about gentleman-hood—if I may so express it —until we created an ideal of knightly conduct in his mind, and we keep this standard unfalteringly before his eyes. “We tell him that a gentleman can’t lie, a gentleman can’t steal or cheat, a gentleman protects the weak and helpless, and is extra courteous to servants and poor and afflicted people, a gentleman never strikes any one who is smaller or weaker than himself, a gentleman is very courteous to ladies; he takes his hat off in elevators; he gives ladies his seat on the cars; he lets them pass first out of a room, and so on. “I don’t know what Jack is going to do in the world, or how far he may wander off of the straight and narrow path, but I will stake my life that whatever he does he will do with the manners of a gentleman.” Would that there were other mothers like this mother. – Dorothy Dix, 1916

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Good Manners vs Good Sense

“Whoever makes the fewest persons uneasy is the best bred in the company,” Jonathan Swift decided. As the best laws are founded on reason, so are the best manners. – A public domain portrait of Jonathan Swift from 1710

The Best of Advice –

More Valuable Than Good Manners Is Good Sense

“Good manners,” Jonathan Swift observed in beginning an essay now 200 years old, “is the art of making those people easy with whom we converse.” “Whoever makes the fewest persons uneasy is the best bred in the company,” he decided. As the best laws are founded on reason, so are the best manners.

And as some Lawmakers have introduced unreasonable things into the law, so likewise many Teachers have introduced absurd things into common Good Manners. Read, with eye unawed by any Social Register Name on the title page, some of the ponderous Guides to Etiquette being sold to the Great American Public in vast numbers, and you will find an assemblage of impressive instructions largely nonsense.

* The principal point of what is known as Good Manners is to suit the behaviour to the three degrees of men; our superiors, our equals, and those below us.

Fine manners need the support of fine manners in others.

PRIDE, ILL NATURE, and WANT OF SENSE, are the three great sources of ill manners; without some one of these common human defects, no man will behave himself ill for want of experience.

Good sense is the foundation of good manners; but because it is a gift of which very few among mankind are possessed, civilized people have agreed upon fixing some rules for common behavior, best suited to their general customs, or fancies, as a kind of artificial good sense, to supply the defects of reason.

“As the common forms of good manners were intended for regulating the conduct of those who have weak understanding; so they have been corrupted by the persons for whose use they were contrived,” Swift observes.

“For they have fallen into a needless and endless way of multi- plying ceremonies, extremely troublesome to all who practice them. Wise men often are more uneasy at the over civility of Refined People, than they could possibly be in the conversations of peasants.”

There is a pendantay in manners, as in all arts and sciences; and sometimes in trades. Pedantry is the overrating any kind of knowledge we pretend to. And if that kind of knowledge is a trifle itself, the pedantry is the greater.

Persons who pretend to the most intimate knowledge of Good Manners always are very tiresome.

Ignorance of forms cannot properly be styled ill manners; because forms are subject to frequent changes. Besides, they vary in every community.

* Terence sums up the matter in one line: “Suit your manner to the man.” This is the significance of, “when in Rome, do as Romans do.” – By Clark Kinnaird, 1925

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Manners and “When in Rome”

“When in Rome,” is one of the most ancient anecdotes known to literature. It refers to a witty conversation between St. Augustine and St. Ambrose.–Public domain images of St. Augustine and St. Ambrose

The saying, “When in Rome,” used most often as an admonition to people who seem unable to accommodate themselves to the ways and manners of those they associate with, is one of the most ancient anecdotes known to literature. It refers to a witty conversation between St. Augustine and St. Ambrose. St. Augustine was somewhat puzzled about the regulations concerning abstinence from high feasting, because in some parts of Italy, Saturday was observed as a fast day, and in others Sunday was set aside for abnegation. He consulted St. Ambrose, calling his attention to the fact that in Rome Saturday was a fast day, while in Milan no such restriction prevailed. St. Ambrose answered: “When I am in Milan I do not fast on Saturday. When in Rome I do fast on Saturday.” – Trinity Journal, 1922

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Sicilian Cooks for Rich Greeks

Photo of a plate of figs recovered from an Egyptian tomb, from The Joy of Eating

It was in the fifth century that fine cooking came to Athens from Sicily along with Sicilian cooks, who were all men. Few Greeks were rich enough to afford a chef of their own and most people just hired them for special occasions. Good chefs were choosy and many wanted to see a list of the guests before accepting an engagement. These Sicilian cooks had their own cook-books, but none of them have survived. The accounts of feasts and entertainments in Athenaeus’ “The Deinosophists”give us a good idea of what was eaten, though only a rough idea of how it was prepared, sometimes no more than ‘I took a widowed amia and plunged it like a living torch in the embers’ which is poetry, but no recipe. Good quality and simplicity seem to have been the main characteristics, plus those qualities that come from slow cooking. When the Greek cook needed quick extra heat he would pour a little oil on the fire. — From The Joy of Eating, by Katie Stewart, 1977

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia`