Etiquette and Ambitious Parvenus

A fancy wig does not a gentleman make.

The Hallmark of the Social Climber

Nothing so blatantly proclaims a woman climber as the repetition of prominent names, the owners of which she must have struggled to know. Otherwise, why so eagerly boast of the achievement? Nobody cares whom she knows--nobody that is, but a climber like herself. To those who were born and who live, no matter how quietly, in the security of a perfectly good ledge above and away from the social ladder's rungs, the evidence of one frantically climbing and trying to vaunt her exalted position is merely ludicrous.

All thoroughbred women, and men, are considerate of others less fortunately placed, especially of those in their employ. One of the tests by which to distinguish between the woman of breeding and the woman merely of wealth, is to notice the way she speaks to dependents. Queen Victoria's duchesses, those great ladies of grand manner, were the very ones who, on entering the house of a close friend, said "How do you do, Hawkins?" to a butler; and to a sister duchess's maid, "Good morning, Jenkins." 

A Maryland lady, still living on the estate granted to her family three generations before the Revolution, is quite as polite to her friends' servants as to her friends themselves. When you see a woman in silks and sables and diamonds speak to a little errand girl or a footman or a scullery maid as though they were the dirt under her feet, you may be sure of one thing; she hasn't come a very long way from the ground herself. — Emily Post, 1922

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Gilded Age Party Etiquette

And Etiquette for Today's Parties, As Well

Thank your hostess before you do anything else at a party! - Part of the Gilded Age 400 — The Vanderbilts at a Gilded Age, fancy dress, costume ball in the late 1800s. The Vanderbilts were one of the richest American families at the time.

When you enter a drawing-room where there is a party, you salute the lady of the house before speaking to any one else. Even your most intimate friends are enveloped in an opake (sic) atmosphere until you have made your bow to your entertainer. 

You then mix with the company, salute your acquaintances, and join in the conversation. You may converse freely with any person you meet on such an occasion, without the formality of an introduction.— From “The Laws of Etiquette,” by A Gentleman

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Letter Writing Etiquette

The calls for written expression are many, and unless the dame of fashion possesses an up to date scribe or social secretary, and the young girl will not, very likely, though the matron may, it is essential she should be well posted as to the etiquette of correspondence. 

The Etiquette of Correspondence

As the social season approaches and the young girl is just about to emerge into the world of society, a full fledged butterfly of fashion, many details in connection with the happy and auspicious event have to be considered, among them the polite art of correspondence. There is nothing which seems to reflect a general air of innate refinement and cultivation like that of being able to express one's self on all occasions with ease, elegance and fitness.

The calls for written expression are many, and unless the dame of fashion possesses an up to date scribe or social secretary, and the young girl will not, very likely, though the matron may, it is essential she should be well posted as to the etiquette of correspondence. Many hints might be dropped in regard to the manner in which to write a note or letter. For formal occasions there is always a prescribed usage, varying a little with the importance of the personage and the function and with the prevailing taste in such matters.

To illustrate my point, there are times and occasions when the stately "honor" is used in preference to the more familiar and cordial "pleasure," but the most important thing of all is to be able to compose informal notes and letters in an easy and colloquial style. The regular business letter, which women of affairs so frequently do write, should be brief and to the point, expressed clearly and concisely, at the right hours at most devoted to business is all too short for the rush and whirl of one tense and strenuous era. — Los Angeles Herald, 1908

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Etiquette, Entrées and “Extras”

Forks designed for a variety of courses —   Some say the word “entrée” came from the word “entremets.” An entremets (from the Old French, literally meaning “between servings”) is in modern French cuisine a small dish served between courses or simply a dessert. Originally, an elaborate form of entertainment dish, it was common among the nobility and upper middle class in Europe during the later Middle Ages. Entremets marked the end of a serving of courses.

Q . What is the meaning of entrée, and how is it pronounced?
A.  It is a dish served between the chief courses, or, in English usage, before the roast. Pronounced AHN-tra, first a as in ah, second a as in tray, accent first syllable. 

Q. My husband, some friends and I were discussing different courses of a dinner and their names. My husband and I agreed that we always thought of the entrée as being the appetizer, since logically you are ‘entering the meal.’ Our friends disagreed and said the entrée is a main course. The dictionary said the entrée is a side dish (which would make it seem my husband and I are right), yet while eating at one of the better restaurants we found the main course labeled ‘entrée.’ Please settle this question for us. If my husband and I are right, what is the correct name for the main course (other than what I called it)? In addition, please give us the correct names for all the courses.

A. The word entrée comes from the vocabulary of the great French chefs and from the days when formal dinners were elaborate affairs indeed. Originally it meant a dish served between the main courses of a banquet or, in the words of an English dictionary, “a made dish served between the fish and the joint.” Nowadays, of course, elaborate multicourse dinners are almost entirely a thing of the past, with the result that the meaning of “entrée” has gradually shifted until now it means any meat or fish course usually the main course of a meal. As to nomenclature of the courses, according to most etiquette authorities, even an elaborate formal dinner today should not have more than six, in this order:

• First the appetizer canapes, oysters or the like
• Second soup
• Third fish (this could be labeled “entrée” in the early sense of the word). 
• Fourth main or meat course (which today we would call the “entrée”)
• Fifth salad course
• Sixth dessert course

Q. When setting the table should a knife for the entrée be included? 
A. A knife for the entrée is seldom required, and is not used unless necessary.  

Q. Where do the salad fork and knife go in the table setting? 

A. The salad fork goes to the left of dinner plate, then come the meat fork and left of that the fork for fish or entrée. If a salad knife is used, it goes at right, next to the plate.

Q. We have no actual salad forks and nothing especially suitable for eating dessert. In fact, I have only very big knives and forks and the smaller ones which I had first before the newer big ones. 

A. It is too bad that you got big ones, because the medium sized ones are the essential ones. They are the only ones used for breakfast or lunch, and they are also used for fish, entrée,salad and dessert at dinner. Properly they are called small forks, but so many patterns made in the last few years have been absurdly tiny that I said medium instead. The small (medium) knife may very well be dispensed with by never serving fish with bones or skin, and never serving salads or cheeses impossible to eat with a fork alone. 

Q. I have been told that finger bowls are going out of fashion. Is this true?
A. Of course not. They are always put at the places either with or following the dessert plates. For that matter, they should also be proffered whenever fruit or broiled lobster or any other smeary food has been held in the fingers. 

Q. Are place cards used only at a formal dinner?
A. They are not used at dinners of less than, ten or at lunches or less than eight unless for some particular reason you want to put favors at the places for Christmas or an anniversary, for example.

 Sources— Syndicated articles by Emily Post, Roberta Lee, William Morris

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Fastidious Victorian Etiquette

“Never in any crisis of your life have I known you to have a handkerchief!”

“At a lecture, a special personal respect is due to the speaker. This is shown by a courteous attention and a general demeanor of interest and appreciation. If applause is merited, it should be given in a refined manner. The stamping of the feet is coarse, and the pounding of the floor with canes and umbrellas is as lazy as it is noisy. 

“The clapping of hands is a natural language of delight, and, when skillfully done, is an enthusiastic expression of approbation. Some effort is being made to substitute the waving of handkerchiefs as a symbol of approval or greeting to a favorite speaker, but it is quite probable that this silent signal will not take the place of the more active demonstration of clapping the hands, except on very quiet and intellectual occasions. 

“Scratching the head or ears, and picking the teeth, are operations that are properly attended to in one's own dressing-room. The conspicuous use of the handkerchief is in bad form. Blowing the nose is not a pleasant demonstration at any time, and at the table is simply unpardonable. A person of fastidious taste will take care of the nose in the quietest and most unobtrusive way, and refrain from disgusting other people of fastidious taste.”  —Agnes H. Morton 1892

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Etiquette for the Road

Every man in this country who drives a car knows that he has to look out for two cars—his own and the other fellow’s.

Motor Car Etiquette

A Georgia editor claims to he able to judge a man's character by the way he drives a motor car—or words to that effect. He says that when he sees a gentleman coming toward him in a motor car, he gives him half of the road; when he sees a fool coming he gives him all of it. And when he sees a darn fool coming, he takes to the woods or climbs a telephone pole.

Every man in this country who drives a car knows that he has to look out for two cars—his own and the other fellow’s. He is not afraid of an accident from his own driving; that is. He is not afraid of his own. It is the other fellow’s car that causes him the most anxiety. And here, as in Georgia, it is the fool and the darn fool that is most to be feared.—Columbus Dispatch, 1919

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Early Telephone Etiquette

"Telephone etiquette prescribes that the person making a telephone call should be the one to terminate the conversation."

People are gradually being educated up to the etiquette of the telephone. When the bicycle and the automobile first made their appearances, people did not know how to receive them. They did not know what rights of way to assign to them on the public streets. But as the public became accustomed to these modern improvements in locomotion, we learned the proper way to treat them. So it will be with the telephone.

The time will come when a patron will not think of making a poor telephone girl's life miserable because she happens to make a mistake in a switch. He will treat her as politely as he would a girl who serves him in a store. In Chicago we make 600,000 switches in a day and only about 500 mistakes are made. Considering the vast number of switches that are made I think that it is marvelous that so few mistakes are made. The record is about as near perfection as man can make it. – John Sabin, quoted in the San Francisco Call, 1901

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Etiquette, Dignity and Position

Queen Wilhelmina — Although she is a warm-hearted woman, she is mindful of the dignity of her position.

Holland’s Little Queen

Queen Wilhelmina of Holland never under any circumstances makes use of a closed carriage excepting at night. No matter whether it is cold or hot, whether it snows, rains or storms, she invariably drives about in an open equipage, in full view of her subjects, accustomed thereto from her infancy by her mother, who trained her in the most admirable manner for her mission as a constitutional sovereign.

She is usually accompanied by a lady-in-waiting as sole escort, and, although she is a warm-hearted woman, she is mindful of the dignity of her position. Thus the other day when she met an officer while out driving, who happened to be the brother of her lady-in-waiting, she returned his military salute with a most gracious smile and inclination of the head. But noticing that her companion had waved her hand in a familiar way to her brother, she frowned and exclaimed coldly: "I should be much obliged to you, my dear, if you would avoid these little family effusions when you have the honor to accompany me."

True, after she reached home, the Queen endeavored by every means in her power to atone for the chagrin to which she had subjected her attendant, and among other things, presented her with a handsome piece of jewelry. But the lady, while restored to favor, is not likely to forget the lesson which she has received or even to render herself again guilty of such a breach of etiquette. The Queen is jealous of her prerogatives, as she showed at the time of the trip to Europe of old President Kruger.

It was she alone to whom belonged the initiative of placing a Dutch man-of-war at his disposal for the journey, and when the Ministers, assembled in Cabinet council, ventured to question the policy of this move, pointing out to her that it might cause complications with foreign, powers notably with England, she exclaimed sharply: "The constitution invests me with the supreme command of the navy, as well as of the army, and, as far as they are concerned, my Ministers have no other duty than to insure the prompt execution of my orders." The Ministers looked at one another in dismay, offered no further objections and fulfilled her directions, with the result that the cruiser Gelderland was dispatched to Delagoa Bay to embark President Kruger and to bring him to Europe.

The young Queen, in addition to her private secretary's department, has organized a sort of private political chancellery, which is entrusted with the duty of making a brief explanatory report of every document submitted to her for signature. She absolutely declines to sign any paper unless she has a sort of "précis," containing the necessary information about the matter for which her sign manual is required. 

If the report appears to her to be inadequate, she asks for further data, and, if necessary, even summons Ministers or experts to her presence in order to obtain the fullest kind of explanation. Not only her Ministers, but likewise every official of the Dutch Government service knows this, and the result is that in the hope of avoiding all unnecessary detail every one endeavors to make the matter in question as clear and concise as possible. — The San Francisco Call, 1901

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1850's Western Etiquette

The Yankee out West who recently wrote home to his mother that he had seen a live Hoosier, has sent his mother another epistle on Western etiquette.

"Western people go to their death on etiquette. You can't tell a man here that he lies, as you can down east, without fighting. A few days ago a man was telling two of his neighbors, in my hearing, a pretty large story. Says I, 'Stranger, that's a whopper.' Says, he, 'Lay there, stranger.' And in the twinkling of an eye, I found myself in the ditch, a perfect quadruped, the worse for tear and wear. 

Upon another occasion, says I to a man I never saw before, as a woman passed him, 'That isn't a specimen of your Western women, is it?' Says he, 'You are afraid of the fever and ague, stranger, aren't you?' Very much,' says I. 'Well,' replied he, 'That lady is my wife, and if you don't apologize in two minutes, by the honor of a gentleman, I swear that these two pistols," which he had in his hands,' can cure you of the disorder entirely— so don't fear, stranger.' So I knelt down and apologized. I admire the Western country much, but curse me if I can stand so much etiquette; it always takes me unawares." – Daily Alta, 1855

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Etiquette and Royal Titles

To marry a Princess does not make a man a Prince, and royal etiquette thinks nothing of putting asunder bride and bridegroom.

To Marry a Princess Does Not Make a Man a Prince

Describing the scene at the dedication of the Royal Albert Hall, in London, our correspondent says :

The Queen came at 12:30. What the programme said should be done was done, the Prince of Wales and the rest of the committee receiving her Majesty as she descended from her carriage, and escorting her to the door, through which the great multitude of hushed spectators were waiting to see her appear. As she entered, the whole audience rose and organ and orchestra broke out together in the strains of the national anthem. For a moment the Queen halted on the upper step and just within the curtained doorway, courtesying low to the silent homage which the great audience was paving. Then she advanced, conducted by the Prince of Wales, quite slowly down the center of the hall between the lines of yeomen.

She wore, as she always wears, a black dress; this time a plain mourning dress of black silk, with black bonnet and gloves. The Princess of Wales followed in a robe of ruby colored velvet, and bonnet of the same. Her husband came as Colonel of Hussars, in a jacket laced and frogged as only hussar jackets in this world are, not suiting his stout figure. The Princess was accompanied by the Duke of Saxe-Coburg, in what looked like an Austrian cavalry uniform, all white. The Princess of Wales is pretty and popular, but to-day most eyes are turned on the figure that follows, all clad in white silk, with vail and bonnet of white, and a wreath of orange blossoms about her forehead.

It is the bride of last week, the Princess Louise, Marchioness of Lorne, by whose side walks her brother, Prince Arthur, not her husband. For to marry a Princess does not make a man a Prince, and royal etiquette thinks nothing of putting asunder bride and bridegroom. The Marquis, looking more boyish than ever, walks some ranks behind his wile, stands apart from her when they have reached the dais, and afterward, when the whole party go up to their boxes, cannot even sit in the same box with her. Nobody seems to be troubled about it, yet there in the cabinet-box yet there is that proud Duke of Argyll looking down on the curious scene, and one would really like to know what he thinks of the social law that ranges his son so far below his son's wife. – Sacramento Daily Union, 1871

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Etiquette and Les Petits Soins

A man learns to be graceful and deferential, au fait in all small things, gentle and kindly, not after he has attained to six feet and evening clothes, but while he is young and under his mother’s and his father’s tutelage.

Small Attentions and 

Etiquette

——————————

Grace and Tactful Deference to the Trifles of Everyday Intercourse

“Les Petits Soins” do much toward making life pass pleasantly, a point which Harper's Bazar illustrates as follows; 

The man who helps you on or off with your wrap, who lowers or raises a window for you, who interposes his ready strength between you and a crowd, who finds a seat for you and treats you as though you were a queen or a queen's mother, is a man for whom you entertain a genuine regard. 

"Thomas is a perfect Gibraltar for honesty and goodness,” remarked a lady of anacquaintance "but he stalks in front of you into the dining room and marches out of it before you; he talks to you with his hat on his head and puffs the smoke of his cigar into your face; he calmly takes the best chair in the room and leaves you the hardest; he never knows anything about paying little attentions; he is like a man who may have a twenty dollar bill in his pocketbook, but never by any chance carries any small change.”

Probably, if the truth were known, Thomas and men like him were not accustomed in their boyhood, either to receive or to pay small attentions. A man learns to be graceful and deferential, au fait in all small things, gentle and kindly, not after he has attained to six feet and evening clothes, but while he is young and under his mother’s and his father’s tutelage. Old people are apt to resent obtrusive attention, and to regard with pathetic irritability the offered help which accentuates the fact of their declining years. 

None the less they like tactful recognition of their claim upon the service of their juniors. A man may safely yield the easy chair and the window where the light lingers latest to the grandmother who likes her comfort, and who takes her knitting or her sewing where she can see most readily. The strong shoulder of youth is meant for the bearing of burdens, and unless an elderly person be exceptionally unreasonable he or she will not persist in carrying loads which ought to he borne by those who are able to assume them. —1893

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Etiquette Perplexed the Royals

Thousands will not breathe freely until Germany's Emperor has left.

The Kaiser's Travels
 English Society Excited Over the Coming Event

*****************

Queen Victoria Confers With the Prince of Wales on Matters of Etiquette

London, July 1891 —The Prince of Wales today had a long interview with the Queen,who summoned him for the purpose of discussing and settling a number of perplexing questions of Court etiquette and precedence on account of the approaching visit of the Emperor and Empress of Germany. 

Court and military society, and nearly all other circles, are more or less stirred up by the Emperor's coming, and thousands will not breathe freely until Germany's Emperor has left. German detectives, British detectives and police of all kinds are already attending to business, for the fact that there are hot-headed Emperor hating Germans and Frenchmen in Great Britain, is not lost sight of by the authorities. — Los Angeles Herald, 1891

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Etiquette, Diplomacy and Forks

Poland brings up table manners in chopper feud with France

October 2016
WARSAW (AFP) - Poland's deputy defence minister last week claimed that Poles taught the French how to use forks, as a diplomatic row raged over the handling of a failed multi-billion euro helicopter deal.

He spoke after Paris withdrew the Polish delegation's invitation to the Euronaval industry fair in France this month, amid tension over the breakdown in talks aimed at Poland buying Airbus choppers.

"The French side officially invited us a long time ago and now they are showing us the door," Deputy Minister Bartosz Kownacki said on the TVN24 private news channel.

"But these are the people we taught to eat with a fork a couple of centuries ago, which may explain their behaviour today."

He was referring to the fact that the fork was introduced to France by French King Henry III, who had earlier been elected king of Poland.

Historians are however divided on the origin of that particular fork: some say the king discovered it during a stay in Venice after leaving Poland.

Others believe he really did become acquainted with the utensil in Poland, where the fork was brought over half a century earlier by Poland's Italian-born Queen Bona Sforza.

Kownacki's comments were heavily condemned by the liberal opposition as well as the spokeswoman of the governing conservative Law and Justice (PiS) party, Beata Mazurek, who described them as "unfortunate" and "not very diplomatic".

"Minister Kownacki is perhaps the first politician to commit diplomatic suicide by fork," the Polityka weekly commented on its website.

Last week, Poland halted talks with Airbus to buy 50 of its Caracal helicopters, drawing a furious response from chief executive Tom Enders who said his company had never been treated so badly by any government.

The spat has ratcheted up diplomatic tensions between Warsaw and Paris, which was backing Airbus in the process, leading French President Francois Hollande to postpone a visit to Warsaw.

There is disagreement over who actually ended the negotiations.

On Wednesday, several media outlets reported the cancellation of Poland's invite to Euronaval, citing an official letter received at the Polish embassy in Paris.

A source familiar with the matter confirmed the cancellation to AFP in Paris.

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Introduction Etiquette and Sisters

If the three should be together and there was a desire to introduce them, the form would be to present the elder as Miss Smith and the other two by their given names.

If there are three sisters in a family named Smith and a call is made at their home, if Miss Smith is asked for, it is supposed that the elder sister is desired; the others if desired, are called by their given names. If met individually it would be proper to address either as Miss Smith. 

If the three should be together and there was a desire to introduce them, the form would be to present the elder as Miss Smith and the other two by their given names, in addition to the family name. That is the rule if you follow etiquette, but if you do not follow that, then you may introduce the sisters each by her given as well as family name. – San Francisco Call, 1901

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19th C. African Royal Hat Etiquette

The de rigueur hat to wear in 1890's Matabele ~ Modern-day Matabeleland is in Zimbabwe. The region is divided into three provinces: Matabeleland North, Bulawayo and Matabeleland South. These provinces are in the west and south-west of Zimbabwe, between the Limpopo and Zambezi rivers.

Late pictures of King Lobengula indicate that a broad brimmed hat, and about enough feathers to make a small feather duster, are de rigeur on all state occasions, according to Matabele etiquette. – Vestkusten, 1893

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Etiquette in 1930s Morocco

"In 1786, a Treaty of Peace and Friendship was signed by the Emperor of Morocco and John Adams and Thomas Jefferson signed a translated version the next year. This is the longest unbroken treaty relationship in the history of the United States. In addition, Moroccan culture truly embodies the Muslim practice of hospitality, and it is a real privilege to be able to spend so much time in such a warm and welcoming place." – Melibee Global

Morocco's Native Rabat is Picturesque 

The souks or bazaars of Rabat are as famous as their wares, red and yellow leather boots, pottery, and the rugs which the Rabati women weave in their homes and color with vegetable dyes. These rugs, when new, are a little too brilliant for Western taste but they fade into a pale, harmonious blending of colors with wear.

There is slight demand for chairs or knives and forks in the souks. Chairs are used only by the stiff-legged Christian tourists who visit the city, and knives and forks are not necessary to eat couscous, the staple viand of the Moroccan meal. Couscous is made with flour and meat and vegetables, and tastes not unlike the American dish of dumplings cooked with meat.

It is served in a big pot and everyone sticks in his hand and brings forth his portion in three fingers. To use four fingers or two fingers is extremely bad manners. Moroccan etiquette demands three.

Because of its mild climate, Rabat is a favorite residence of the present Sultan of Morocco, Sidi Mohammed, who has other palaces in Fez, Mekines and Marrakesh. — Coronado Eagle and Journal, 1932

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Queen Victoria's Court Etiquette

“The son of Waterloo” – The Duke of Wellington as caricatured in Vanity Fair, June 1872

The Queen, the Duke, and the Crown

True politeness has been variously defined. One little boy said it meant “making everybody feel satisfied,” and another, that it was “doing the kindest thing in the kindest way.” I think good Queen Victoria understood and practiced it too, when she spoke so kindly to the old Duke of Wellington at the time the crown fell from his hands.

It was on some grand occasion—perhaps the opening of Parliament—and the whole Court was in attendance. The Duke, then quite an old man, carried the crown on the little cushion used for the purpose, when, backing out, according to Court etiquette, he forgot the little step at the foot of the throne, stumbled, and in attempting to regain his foothold, dropped the massive crown from his hands. It came with great violence to the floor, and rolled quite across the hall, badly bruising the diadem, and scattering the costly jewels in every direction.

The old Duke, accomplished courtier as he was, stood for a moment, aghast at the injury inflicted on so precious an article, and then would have stooped to gather up the scattered jewels. But the Queen saw in an instant his evident distress, as well as embarrassment, and rightly judged that he would prefer to be left alone. So, with the genuine kindness of heart and quick perception for which she is remarkable, she stepped gracefully forward, and, offering her hand to the venerable statesman, as if to assist him in rising, said, cordially, “I trust your grace is not hurt; and that you will wholly have recovered from the unpleasant shock by the morning.” Then, without a glance at crown or jewels, and apparently quite unaware of the casualty, she passed out, the Court following, and the Duke was left to recover his equanimity, and collect the scattered jewels at his leisure.

How grateful he must have felt for this graceful consideration on the part of his Sovereign : and how beautiful the model, not only of true politeness, but of genuine Christian forbearance, that we find in this little incident. It is by such acts of thoughtful kindness that England's gentle Queen has enthroned herself in the hearts of her subjects; and the tourist in England seldom hears the name of Victoria called by Prince or peasant, without being coupled with expressions of the highest veneration and warmest affection. – Christian Weekly, 1872

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Etiquette and African Kings

An early 1800's depiction of the Ashanti Yam Festival

African "Kings and Barons"

African feudalism is said to be strikingly similar to that of Europe in the eighteenth century. At the great annual festival of the Ashantis —the yam custom—all the Caboceers, Captains, and the greater number of tributary Kings or Chiefs are expected to appear at the capital. The Nobles or Captains against whom the King has cause of complaint are then placed on trial. 

Sometimes a Chief who suspects that he has become obnoxious to the King will not trust himself in the capital without the means of defense or intimidation. Sometimes a powerful Caboceer will bring 8000 armed attendants. This is analogous to the dealings of a Monarch of medieval Europe with his great Barons. 

As among other peoples, the office of King is in some cases hereditary and in some cases elective. There are limited and despotic Monarchies. Many African tribes have a "War Lord" who is one and the same as the "Peace Lord." American Indians and other peoples have a similar custom. 

African Chiefs are said to be generally superior to their followers in physique. Compare the Chieftains and Kings of the Germanic and other peoples. The Chiefs of the Gold Coast have their Court forms and etiquette, their own customs and mode of living. African Kings have their insignia of Royalty the same as European potentates. Some Kings surround themselves with a certain amount of mystery and magic. Their persona are held sacred. The same practices and claims are made by rulers in other lands. — 1907

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Chinese Daughter In-Law Etiquette

When your mother-in-law sits, you should respectfully stand.  



How to Treat One’s Mother-in-Law in Han Dynasty China

A writer, who lived for more than twenty years in China, has completed a translation of the accepted authority on Chinese etiquette written by Lady Tsao of the Han Dynasty, nearly eighteen centuries ago. It contains the following instructions as to the correct behavior of a wife toward her husband's mother: 

When your mother-in-law sits, you should respectfully stand. 

Obey quickly her commands. In the morning early rise and quickly open the doors, making no noise to awaken her. 

Her toilet articles hasten to prepare; Her washbowl and towel; Her toothbrush and powder, all bring together. 

Let not the water be too cold or too hot. When the mother-in-law awakens, all these things respectfully present to her; Then immediately retire to one side until her toilet is completed. 

Then approach and present the morning salutations; Again retire and prepare her tea.

After which, the breakfast table arrange. Place the spoons and chopsticks straight. The rice cooked soft and let the meat be thoroughly done. 

From ancient days until now, old people have had sick teeth; Therefore, let not the food be dry, that your mother-in-law with labor vainly, eats. Daily the 
three meals, thus carefully prepare.

When darkness comes, and your great one (mother-in-law) desires to sleep, carefully for her spread the bed, when she may peacefully rest, and you may retire to your room. 

Following these instructions, all your superiors will praise you; All that know you will esteem you as good. —San Francisco Call, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site  Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Check Your Etiquette Breach

Campus Etiquette Humor for Young Men

There came into our possession the other evening, a handy little folder which any man about town should appreciate. Anyone having a supply of these on hand would always be sure to do the right thing in a social way.

On the first page is inscribed the following: 

Mr. _________ regrets exceedingly his deplorable conduct while a guest at your dinner party on __________, and humbly craves your pardon for the breach of etiquette checked in the adjoining column or columns (there follows a list to be checked.) — November 1931's, "Pony Express" 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Madagascar's Queen

Throughout her reign, Queen Ranavalona III utilized diverse tactics such as strengthening trade and diplomatic relations with the United States and Great Britain in the hope of staving off impending colonization.

(source: afrikanwomen)

The Palace of the Queen is 2,500 feet above the level of the sea, the capital being located on an elevated plateau. By the time Mr. Finklemeir reached the city he was out of food; the Queen, however, sent him a fat ox for food, and the Chief Minister sent turkeys, geese, chickens, lamb, onions, rice, potatoes and other things in abundance; so they fared well.

Next day, the Queen sent to ask how he endured the fatigues of the journey, and notified him that she would see him on the next Sunday, the 8th of December. On Sunday she sent an escort of Palace officers to conduct him to the throne, where she sat in state with her Ministers around her, and large numbers of ladies and gentlemen, all in European costumes, the Queen wearing white brocade with a Hammelyn cloak hanging from the shoulder. 

She arose and extended her hand for him to kiss as Mr. Finklemeir entered, and he kissed her white kid gloves according to Court etiquette. The Queen is about fifty years of age, quite tall and well educated, and quite graceful. Mr. Finklemeir was astonished to see her skin was what we in America would call "white," and looking young for her age. Mr. Finklemier was next introduced to all the ministers and guests. 

A great deal of gold and embroidery was displayed in the Court dresses of those preterit, and the display was really quite brilliant. After fifteen minutes he witndrew. The officers afterward told Mr. Finklemeir that the Queen was very well pleased with his appearance. The Queen asked him during the interview if he had served in the late war in America, and if he had a family. 

The next day he dined with the Chief Minister, per invitation. The dinner took from 4:00 p.m. to 10:00 at night, and was given in a splendid hall, with a fine band of music playing before the forty guests. The dinner and wine could not be excelled even in Europe. The finest of china and silver sets adorned the table. 

Mr. Finklemeir toasted the Queen in the American language, and the Chief Minister toasted the President and Secretary Seward. Mr. Finklemeir remained in the Capital until the 8th of January, when he bade his adieu, and returned as he came. —1867

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Anglo-Indian "At Home" Etiquette

The strictly fashionable calling time is between 12:00 and 2:00 every day except Sunday—a relic, it is said, of the past when our grandmothers and grandfathers considered four o’clock the State dinner hour.

Society in Muree is like Indian society in general, in all save the three principal cities. The military element very largely predominates, and in custom much of the etiquette of the first Anglo-Indian communities is retained. Still, English people in India have not yet introduced weekly "at home" days, as in the plains, the strictly fashionable calling time is between 12:00 and 2:00 every day except Sunday—a relic, it is said, of the past when our grandmothers and grandfathers considered four o’clock the State dinner hour. 

At 12:00 punctually therefore, each day the firing of the gun which sets the true time for the station reminds people that they must either be to pay calls or preparing to receive them. Duly at that time, ladies sally forth on their formal duties, regardless of the power of a full tropical sun and the probable chances, even in the hills, of an attack of sunstroke. Those who are of homely dispositions will ask their friends to come and see them in the afternoon, but that has its drawbacks, as tennis parties and other gayeties cause almost the whole station to be “not at home" after 4:30 or 6 o’clock.

The calling hours are, however, not the only alteration in home customs which a new-comer has to observe if she would escape social ostracism, for English etiquette is in some respects, entirely reversed. The last arrival, for instance, has to call upon all the other visitors in the station, unless she happens to be a bride, and in that case she calls nowhere until others have honored her. Other customs, again, of very recent introduction, such as the practice of every lady coming to a hotel making a formal call upon every other lady in the same hotel, are noteworthy, not only for their local peculiarity, but as typifying the extreme of Anglo-Indian society. —London Queen, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia©Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Persian Shahs

Mozaffar ad-Din Shah Qajar, was the fifth Qajar king of Persia. It is said he found it difficult to live up to European etiquette. He could not overcome the impulse to take his food in his fingers, for example, and he was almost sure to throw what was left, over his shoulder, when he had eaten all he cared to of its contents. 

The Way of Shahs

Some very amusing anecdotes are related in the current Harper’s Weekly of the Shah of Persia, Mozaffar ad-Din, one of the most eccentric of Monarchs. He seems not to be altogether an up-to-date person. He is able to manipulate a knife and fork and to eat properly from a table; but he much prefers to sit on a stool with his food at an elevation of about the same height and use his fingers. 

Although one of the wealthiest sovereigns in the world, Mozaffar ad-Din is not over-particular about the payment of his debts on his journeys abroad. During his visit to Paris in 1900 he created something of a sensation among European Royalties by conferring the Grand Cordon of the Order of the Lion and the Sun, which had hitherto been confined exclusively to reigning Sovereigns, upon an American dentist who had relieved him of an obstinate toothache. 

Mozaffar's father, Nassr-ed-Din, was apparently no less eccentric than his son. He attended many State banquets during his tours in Europe, but he generally satisfied his appetite alone, before he came to the table, since he found it difficult to live up to European etiquette. He could not overcome the impulse to take his food in his fingers, for example, and he was almost sure to throw what was left over his shoulder, when he had eaten all he cared to of its contents.

The story is told that he was once sitting at the right of Queen Victoria at a formal dinner at Buckingham Palace, when he bit off the top of a piece of asparagus and handed the remainder to his hostess to finish, as a particular mark of esteem. – Sacramento Daily Union, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Papal Dining Etiquette

Pope Leo XIII, reigned as Pope from early in 1878, until his death in 1903. He was the oldest Pope, and had the third longest pontificate, behind those of Pius IX and John Paul II.

Pope Leo's Habits

Most of the modern Popes, says The St. James's Gazette, have been ascetics, and Leo XIII is no exception to the rule. His holiness rises at 6 o'clock alike in summer and winter, and immediately he is dressed he says mass in his private chapel. Then he "assists" at another mass celebrated by a prelate of the household, and at 7 he breakfasts. 

The Papal breakfast consists of coffee and two boiled eggs. The midday dinner is as simple as the breakfast; soup, a dish which it pleases the Italians to regard as a beef steak, dessert, and one glass of Bordeaux—of course not the Bordeaux which common people drink. After dinner the Pope takes an hour's nap. The early supper is composed of salad and eggs, and a very admirable supper that is in a hot climate. 

It is etiquette for the Pope to take all his meals alone—a custom which must be very bad for the digestion. Leo XIII works as hard in his study as Queen Victoria does, but he enjoys splendid health for so old a man, and promises to wear the tiara for many a year to come. —1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. Etiquette for Jewish Girls

When she is acquiring her education, it is true, she may go to the public school, but even there the teachings of her home are strong upon her, and she is not so free with her boy companions as is her Christian contemporary. 

America's Daughters of Israel

The Hebrew girl, except among the very wealthy and most thoroughly Americanized families, lives in a state of semi-oriental seclusion. When she is acquiring her education, it is true, she may go to the public school, but even there the teachings of her home are strong upon her, and she is not so free with her boy companions as is her Christian contemporary. 

Her school days once over, she becomes a home bird to a very great extent. It is not proper according to Jewish etiquette for her to accept an invitation to a theater from a young man to whom she is not engaged, if she does, it is immediately taken for granted that the couple are engaged.

 If she goes to a sociable or party her brother or some other member of her family, is almost invariably her escort, though, once arrived at the place of merriment, she mixes as freely with those about her as do Christian girls. Her jollity on such occasions is unconfined and sometimes smacks of old-time Methodist heartiness. 

The kissing games of our ancestors are occasionally introduced with effect; and she proves herself one of the most lively and charming of girls, a perfect romp in fact. The party over, however, away she goes home; in charge of her brother, whose place no young man can usurp unless he engages himself to her. – American Queen, 1884

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette When Emperors Meet

The Hohenzollerns have always been distinguished for their contempt of the stage trickeries of royalty. They have from the earliest days been devoting themselves to facts in this world. Not so, however, with the Hapsburgs. They have always been stern defenders of etiquette. There is no ruling family which has been more devoted to the artificialities of the purple than they. 

The Rules for Emperors

"For two men of the ordinary grade to meet for the transaction of business is ordinarily a very simple matter. In that case there is nothing to do but fix the time and place, walk in, shake hands and go to work. With Emperors, however, it is a different thing. Imperious etiquette must be satisfied beforehand on a great many points which to general mankind appear to be not only trivial but absurd. 

Every motion has to be satisfactorily settled before the royal personages can come together. There must be no doubt as to which is to be the host and which the guest — which is to advance to meet the other; the manner in which salutations are to be exchanged; the extent to which personal freedom is to be allowed; how they are to be seated and how they are to be got off the stage when the interview comes to an end. 

Before that extraordinary pageant was enacted at Versailles, in which the King of Prussia assumed the title and insignia of Emperor of Germany, he could have no speech with Francis Joseph unless he had previously kissed his hand in token of submission and inferiority. The two Emperors are now on an equality. Francis Joseph has been expelled from Germany and William reigns there in his stead. It is clear that if there is to be hand-kissing now, the operation will have to be mutual, if such, indeed, be possible — that one cannot sit on a higher seat than the other — that there must be equality in ceremony and equality in general demeanor. 

The telegraph has not informed us of the cause of the delay in the meeting of the two Emperors; or of the secret of the evident coyness of the Austrian Potentate, or of the reason of the change from Gastein to Salsenburg, as the telegraph gives the name, but probably correctly Salzburg, but we have but little doubt that it was something of the weighty character above set forth that was at the bottom of it.

Not that we think that Kaiser William is at all a stickler for such trivialities. Rugged old soldier that he is he probably, if he had his own way, would have preferred to stride into the place designated for the interview, with a military attendant or two, shake Frances Joseph by the hand, deposit his iron helmet on the table and proceed to business without further fencing.

The Hohenzollerns have always been distinguished for their contempt of the stage trickeries of royalty. They have from the earliest days been devoting themselves to facts in this world. Not so, however, with the Hapsburgs. They have always been stern defenders of etiquette. There is no ruling family which has been more devoted to the artificialities of the purple than they. The ceremony at the Austrian Court is as rigid, and unbending as in the palace of the brother of the Sun and the Moon at Pekin, for it not unfrequently happens that when the substance of power has faded away the forms under which it was originally exercised are adhered to with a tenacity all the greater. It is more than likely, therefore, that the coyness which the Austrian Emperor has been exhibiting is to be attributed not so much to any deep political purpose, as to some disagreement in relation to handshaking or bowing.

Be this as it may, it is at least certain that there is some historical significance in the substitution of Salzburg for Gastein. In it is a cave, in the hill in the rear of that city, that old Barbarossa, in German legend, is supposed to have been sitting for centuries past, his red beard grown through the table upon which his elbows rest, sitting there in profound silence waiting for the regeneration of Germany. Can he look down on the strange meeting which is now about to take place and still maintain his stony composure? 

Germany is consolidated now, at least, or nearly so. She will now present as solid a front as when he raised his shield on the Roncalic plains, giving notice to all who passed that way that if aggrieved justice could be obtained by an appeal to him. One thing is certain, if this interview is ever to be transferred to canvas, it is tolerably clear that Kaiser William will be the central figure, no matter how etiquette may now decide, or how rigidly it may provide for Austrian preeminence. It is he who has realized the dream of the red-bearded Emperor, who has so long been waiting for the resurrection of Germany in the gloomy caverns of the hill of Salzburg. (break)" — The Daily Alta, 1871

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia