When Kisses Replaced Handshakes

Los Angeles society writer Jeannine Stein counters with the view that it’s always safe to kiss “your favorite designer and your hairdresser” because “it’s the thing to do and because you’re so glad to see them darling.” –The popular online “Kiss Blowing” emoji.

Social kissing is replacing the handshake as the polite way to say hello and goodbye at Hollywood cocktail lounges, New York social events and a lot of places in between. No one is safe from social kissing, according to an article in the February issue of Harper’s Bazaar, although not everybody approves of it. Judith Martin, who writes on etiquette as Miss Manners, acknowledges the popularity of the social kiss but yearns for a return to the handshake. “The handshake,” she said, “has been devalued by the social kiss, which no two people perform alike and which leaves a lot of lipstick and other confusion in its wake.” The social kiss can extend to anybody from your best friend to total
strangers, according to some social arbiters. 

Others disagree. “I know in Los Angeles they kiss everyone, whether they know the person or not,” said Virginia Depew, who edits the Washington “Green Book” social registry. “In Washington, it happens, too. But we are a protocol service (as well as a registry), and we would advise you not to kiss everyone. I just don’t think it’s proper. Kissing should be between very, very close friends, not mere acquaintances, and certainly not strangers. We frown on it, yes.” Los Angeles society writer Jeannine Stein counters with the view that it’s always safe to kiss “your favorite designer and your hairdresser” because “it’s the thing to do and because you’re so glad to see them darling.”

“Top models always air kiss each other,” Stein added “They peck the air near each other’s cheeks and then go back to doing their nails.” Hollywood columnist James Bacon said of the local custom, “Cheek kissing is a greeting for best friends as well as for hostesses you never met before. Bogart and Wayne and all those big macho guys did it. There was nothing sissy about it.” There’s a right way to perform the social kissing rite, according to John Duka, fashion columnist for The New York Times “There is only one proper way to do it,” he said “Hold each other’s right hand by the fingers. Twist your mouth as far to the left as possible and touch each other lightly on the right side of the jaw. That’s the kiss that counts. Anything else is too personal.” 

The social kiss has been around for centuries and at one point was so common in ancient Rome that it was banned by Emperor Tiberius. Erasmus, the 16th-century Dutch scholar, came back from a trip to Britain and wrote about Englishwomen: “They kiss you when you arrive, they kiss you when you go away, and they kiss you when you return. Go where you will, it is all kissing.” Among those who disapprove of all this meaningless social kissing is romance novelist Barbara Cartland who, according to Bazaar,believes it debases the currency, “One can hardly imagine a young man today being thrilled because he has been permitted to kiss his loved one’s hand,” she said. By Harper’s Bazaar, 1985

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia