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“The year was 1919. 18-year-old copywriter, Lillian Eichler, was working for the New York Ad Agency of Ruthrauff & Ryan. Her first problem: To move 1,000 dusty copies of the pre-1900, Encyclopedia of Etiquette, written by Emily Holt, which were sitting on Doubleday’s shelves. Her second problem: Most of the 1,000 copies were returned after the 5-day-trial period. Respondents weren’t thrilled with the ludicrously archaic text and pictures. Lillian’s ad copy had emptied the shelves in mere days. Doubleday, being the smart publishers they were, realized if Lillian’s ad copy could move 19th-Century books, she was probably gifted enough to rewrite the book herself and have a second go at advertising it. The result: Lillian’s revamped effort, The Book of Etiquette, sold two million copies at $2 each, in the course of two years, resulting in $2.5 million in net profits. Nearly $26 million in 2008 dollars. |
I regularly use little stories when teaching etiquette, and this advertisement Lillian created always acts as a wonderful intro to a story from my own life. I share the story with kids, young adults and adults alike. I use it to illustrate a point about good manners and tact when invited out to eat. It involves looking for cues and clues of what to do in different situations when one is a guest. I believe Lillian Eichler would approve.
The story goes like this: Years ago my mother called to say that my grandmother, her mother, wanted to take all of the ladies in the family to lunch in celebration of the upcoming Mother’s Day. When I was growing up, we frequently had seasonal “Ladies’ Lunches” at one of my aunts' homes, or in our home. I even hosted a few after getting married and starting my new family. This was the first time a restaurant was suggested, and my mother said that grandma was insisting on paying for everyone’s lunch.
My grandmother was on a fixed income after my grandfather passed away. It was very small, so I immediately questioned the generous offer. My mother told me that she and her sisters had both pointed that fact out to their mother, but grandma was insistent. She also chose the restaurant she wanted to take us to, and it was not known for its low prices.
When we arrived at the restaurant and were seated at our table, we were handed our menus. Within a nano-second, one of our party (either oblivious to grandma’s financial situation or just sharing her enthusiasm for her favorite dish) said, “Ooooh.... they have the best prime rib here!” while opening her menu.
Before I could nudge her under the table and give her a look usually reserved for my children and students, my grandmother quickly closed her menu, the faux leather menu holder practically snapping everyone to attention. “I think we should all have the Chicken Salad,” she said. The guest itching for the prime rib seemed to deflate right before my eyes and closed her menu along with everyone else at the table. Everyone at the table except for me.
Third from right, standing next to my grandmother, in a 1980 snap after one of our seasonal lunches.
I was never a fan of Chicken Salad, but I certainly knew a cue from a hostess when I heard one. I just happened to have the menu open to the page with the featured luncheon salads. I quickly looked down at the price of the Chicken Salad. Way back then it was $6.95, so I needed to work within that “price point.” I spotted a Cesar Salad for $5.95, and said, “You know... I think I'd like the Cesar Salad instead. As I recall it is fairly good here.”Grandma’s eyes got big and looking a bit ruffled, she quickly reopened her menu. She spotted the salad’s lower price, and said very enthusiastically, “That is a good choice!” Everyone else was reopening their menus, and perusing the salads priced $6.95 or less, while I quietly closed mine.
The luncheon turned out to be a fun affair, with all of us enjoying our salads and chatting away about how we needed to get together more often. I am not sure how many in our party wound up with the suggested Chicken Salad, but the bill was rather low and we convinced grandma to at least allow us to each chip in a small amount for the tip. There was also a surprise dessert that arrived at the table for each of us. No one confessed to ordering it, but I have always had my suspicions.
We haven’t had a “Ladies Luncheon” in several years now, what with grandma gone since 1999, all of us spread out in several states, and some of us younger ladies even becoming grandmas ourselves. I will always have sweet memories of the luncheons though, and even have a great instructional tale for my etiquette students and future generations to learn from, about reading and following a host’s or hostess’ cues. — By Site Editor, Maura J. Graber, a version of this article ran in the Etiquette Sleuth Blog, in 2016
Contributor, and Site Editor, Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, for close to 40 years, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years. She has written several books including, “What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...” on dining etiquette history and the art of fine dining, which are available on Amazon.
🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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