Two Wrongs and What’s Right

Gifts are always fun to receive, but one should never expect them. – “Etiquette” is a matter of common sense. When friends call on a couple in their new home for the first time, it’s customary to bring a gift. However, if you gave the party only to harvest the gifts, the crop failure was just.

Hostess’s Misguided Ignorance 

vs 

Rude, Know-it-All’s Meddling 

DEAR ABBY: Last week my husband and I gave a house-warming party in our first new home. We sent out invitations to 16 couples saying it was a housewarming. Everyone came, but only one couple brought a gift. I was so hurt and embarrassed I didn't know what to think. Yesterday one of my friends told me she would have brought a gift, but one of the other invited guests took it upon herself to call up everybody and spread the word that it’s not etiquette for people to give a housewarming party for themselves, and therefore it wasn’t proper to bring a gift. She said a “real” house-warming party, where a gift is in order, is one that is given by friends for the new home owners. Abby, if we had known this we never would have given that party. We went to a lot of expense entertaining those people with drinks and food. That girl sure had her nerve, but was she right? - NOT UP ON ETIQUETTE

DEAR NOT UP: “Etiquette” is a matter of common sense. When friends call on a couple in their new home for the first time, it’s customary to bring a gift. Your friend, the self-appointed authority on etiquette, could use some pointers on what’s proper. However, if you gave the party only to harvest the gifts, the crop failure was just. –Abigail Van Buren, 1965

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia