Etiquette, Diplomacy and Forks

Poland brings up table manners in chopper feud with France

October 2016
WARSAW (AFP) - Poland's deputy defence minister last week claimed that Poles taught the French how to use forks, as a diplomatic row raged over the handling of a failed multi-billion euro helicopter deal.

He spoke after Paris withdrew the Polish delegation's invitation to the Euronaval industry fair in France this month, amid tension over the breakdown in talks aimed at Poland buying Airbus choppers.

"The French side officially invited us a long time ago and now they are showing us the door," Deputy Minister Bartosz Kownacki said on the TVN24 private news channel.

"But these are the people we taught to eat with a fork a couple of centuries ago, which may explain their behaviour today."

He was referring to the fact that the fork was introduced to France by French King Henry III, who had earlier been elected king of Poland.

Historians are however divided on the origin of that particular fork: some say the king discovered it during a stay in Venice after leaving Poland.

Others believe he really did become acquainted with the utensil in Poland, where the fork was brought over half a century earlier by Poland's Italian-born Queen Bona Sforza.

Kownacki's comments were heavily condemned by the liberal opposition as well as the spokeswoman of the governing conservative Law and Justice (PiS) party, Beata Mazurek, who described them as "unfortunate" and "not very diplomatic".

"Minister Kownacki is perhaps the first politician to commit diplomatic suicide by fork," the Polityka weekly commented on its website.

Last week, Poland halted talks with Airbus to buy 50 of its Caracal helicopters, drawing a furious response from chief executive Tom Enders who said his company had never been treated so badly by any government.

The spat has ratcheted up diplomatic tensions between Warsaw and Paris, which was backing Airbus in the process, leading French President Francois Hollande to postpone a visit to Warsaw.

There is disagreement over who actually ended the negotiations.

On Wednesday, several media outlets reported the cancellation of Poland's invite to Euronaval, citing an official letter received at the Polish embassy in Paris.

A source familiar with the matter confirmed the cancellation to AFP in Paris.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Introduction Etiquette and Sisters

If the three should be together and there was a desire to introduce them, the form would be to present the elder as Miss Smith and the other two by their given names.

If there are three sisters in a family named Smith and a call is made at their home, if Miss Smith is asked for, it is supposed that the elder sister is desired; the others if desired, are called by their given names. If met individually it would be proper to address either as Miss Smith. 

If the three should be together and there was a desire to introduce them, the form would be to present the elder as Miss Smith and the other two by their given names, in addition to the family name. That is the rule if you follow etiquette, but if you do not follow that, then you may introduce the sisters each by her given as well as family name. – San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. African Royal Hat Etiquette

The de rigueur hat to wear in 1890's Matabele ~ Modern-day Matabeleland is in Zimbabwe. The region is divided into three provinces: Matabeleland North, Bulawayo and Matabeleland South. These provinces are in the west and south-west of Zimbabwe, between the Limpopo and Zambezi rivers.

Late pictures of King Lobengula indicate that a broad brimmed hat, and about enough feathers to make a small feather duster, are de rigeur on all state occasions, according to Matabele etiquette. – Vestkusten, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette in 1930s Morocco

"In 1786, a Treaty of Peace and Friendship was signed by the Emperor of Morocco and John Adams and Thomas Jefferson signed a translated version the next year. This is the longest unbroken treaty relationship in the history of the United States. In addition, Moroccan culture truly embodies the Muslim practice of hospitality, and it is a real privilege to be able to spend so much time in such a warm and welcoming place." – Melibee Global

Morocco's Native Rabat is Picturesque 

The souks or bazaars of Rabat are as famous as their wares, red and yellow leather boots, pottery, and the rugs which the Rabati women weave in their homes and color with vegetable dyes. These rugs, when new, are a little too brilliant for Western taste but they fade into a pale, harmonious blending of colors with wear.

There is slight demand for chairs or knives and forks in the souks. Chairs are used only by the stiff-legged Christian tourists who visit the city, and knives and forks are not necessary to eat couscous, the staple viand of the Moroccan meal. Couscous is made with flour and meat and vegetables, and tastes not unlike the American dish of dumplings cooked with meat.

It is served in a big pot and everyone sticks in his hand and brings forth his portion in three fingers. To use four fingers or two fingers is extremely bad manners. Moroccan etiquette demands three.

Because of its mild climate, Rabat is a favorite residence of the present Sultan of Morocco, Sidi Mohammed, who has other palaces in Fez, Mekines and Marrakesh. — Coronado Eagle and Journal, 1932

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Queen Victoria's Court Etiquette

“The son of Waterloo” – The Duke of Wellington as caricatured in Vanity Fair, June 1872

The Queen, the Duke, and the Crown

True politeness has been variously defined. One little boy said it meant “making everybody feel satisfied,” and another, that it was “doing the kindest thing in the kindest way.” I think good Queen Victoria understood and practiced it too, when she spoke so kindly to the old Duke of Wellington at the time the crown fell from his hands.

It was on some grand occasion—perhaps the opening of Parliament—and the whole Court was in attendance. The Duke, then quite an old man, carried the crown on the little cushion used for the purpose, when, backing out, according to Court etiquette, he forgot the little step at the foot of the throne, stumbled, and in attempting to regain his foothold, dropped the massive crown from his hands. It came with great violence to the floor, and rolled quite across the hall, badly bruising the diadem, and scattering the costly jewels in every direction.

The old Duke, accomplished courtier as he was, stood for a moment, aghast at the injury inflicted on so precious an article, and then would have stooped to gather up the scattered jewels. But the Queen saw in an instant his evident distress, as well as embarrassment, and rightly judged that he would prefer to be left alone. So, with the genuine kindness of heart and quick perception for which she is remarkable, she stepped gracefully forward, and, offering her hand to the venerable statesman, as if to assist him in rising, said, cordially, “I trust your grace is not hurt; and that you will wholly have recovered from the unpleasant shock by the morning.” Then, without a glance at crown or jewels, and apparently quite unaware of the casualty, she passed out, the Court following, and the Duke was left to recover his equanimity, and collect the scattered jewels at his leisure.

How grateful he must have felt for this graceful consideration on the part of his Sovereign : and how beautiful the model, not only of true politeness, but of genuine Christian forbearance, that we find in this little incident. It is by such acts of thoughtful kindness that England's gentle Queen has enthroned herself in the hearts of her subjects; and the tourist in England seldom hears the name of Victoria called by Prince or peasant, without being coupled with expressions of the highest veneration and warmest affection. – Christian Weekly, 1872

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and African Kings

An early 1800's depiction of the Ashanti Yam Festival

African "Kings and Barons"

African feudalism is said to be strikingly similar to that of Europe in the eighteenth century. At the great annual festival of the Ashantis —the yam custom—all the Caboceers, Captains, and the greater number of tributary Kings or Chiefs are expected to appear at the capital. The Nobles or Captains against whom the King has cause of complaint are then placed on trial. 

Sometimes a Chief who suspects that he has become obnoxious to the King will not trust himself in the capital without the means of defense or intimidation. Sometimes a powerful Caboceer will bring 8000 armed attendants. This is analogous to the dealings of a Monarch of medieval Europe with his great Barons. 

As among other peoples, the office of King is in some cases hereditary and in some cases elective. There are limited and despotic Monarchies. Many African tribes have a "War Lord" who is one and the same as the "Peace Lord." American Indians and other peoples have a similar custom. 

African Chiefs are said to be generally superior to their followers in physique. Compare the Chieftains and Kings of the Germanic and other peoples. The Chiefs of the Gold Coast have their Court forms and etiquette, their own customs and mode of living. African Kings have their insignia of Royalty the same as European potentates. Some Kings surround themselves with a certain amount of mystery and magic. Their persona are held sacred. The same practices and claims are made by rulers in other lands. — 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Chinese Daughter In-Law Etiquette

When your mother-in-law sits, you should respectfully stand.  



How to Treat One’s Mother-in-Law in Han Dynasty China

A writer, who lived for more than twenty years in China, has completed a translation of the accepted authority on Chinese etiquette written by Lady Tsao of the Han Dynasty, nearly eighteen centuries ago. It contains the following instructions as to the correct behavior of a wife toward her husband's mother: 

When your mother-in-law sits, you should respectfully stand. 

Obey quickly her commands. In the morning early rise and quickly open the doors, making no noise to awaken her. 

Her toilet articles hasten to prepare; Her washbowl and towel; Her toothbrush and powder, all bring together. 

Let not the water be too cold or too hot. When the mother-in-law awakens, all these things respectfully present to her; Then immediately retire to one side until her toilet is completed. 

Then approach and present the morning salutations; Again retire and prepare her tea.

After which, the breakfast table arrange. Place the spoons and chopsticks straight. The rice cooked soft and let the meat be thoroughly done. 

From ancient days until now, old people have had sick teeth; Therefore, let not the food be dry, that your mother-in-law with labor vainly, eats. Daily the 
three meals, thus carefully prepare.

When darkness comes, and your great one (mother-in-law) desires to sleep, carefully for her spread the bed, when she may peacefully rest, and you may retire to your room. 

Following these instructions, all your superiors will praise you; All that know you will esteem you as good. —San Francisco Call, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site  Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Check Your Etiquette Breach

Campus Etiquette Humor for Young Men

There came into our possession the other evening, a handy little folder which any man about town should appreciate. Anyone having a supply of these on hand would always be sure to do the right thing in a social way.

On the first page is inscribed the following: 

Mr. _________ regrets exceedingly his deplorable conduct while a guest at your dinner party on __________, and humbly craves your pardon for the breach of etiquette checked in the adjoining column or columns (there follows a list to be checked.) — November 1931's, "Pony Express" 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia