Degree in Etiquette Never Offered

                          

From what we at Etiquipedia have researched, NYU never did offer the degree mentioned in Dix’s 1916 article. It is disappointing, though, as it would have been one way of actually “certifying” someone as knowledgeable in etiquette and manners. — Elizabeth Meriwether Gilmer was an American “Agony Aunt” who wrote under the pen name, “Dorothy Dix.” A forerunner of today’s advice columnists, Dix was America’s highest paid and most widely read female journalist when she died in 1951. Her advice was syndicated in newspapers around the world, with an estimated audience of 60 million readers. Along with her column, she campaigned for woman suffrage.

— Public domain image

School of Manners, Dorothy Dix Says, Is Badly Needed American Child Too Often Lacking in Politeness and Little Graces of Human Intercourse

It is announced that the New York University is going to establish a school of manners, and that the degree of M. E.—Magister Elegantiarium—may be conferred on such students as perfect themselves in the etiquette of polite society. This news sounds almost too good to be true. Let us hope, however, that such a course of study is really to be established in one of our great schools, and that it will be compulsory, for nothing is more sadly needed.

For whatever other charms and virtues the American youth may possess, good manners are seldom among them. As a child he is almost invariably a little savage. As a hobbledehoy he is generally a hoodlum, and as a grown man, he is only too often an awkward blunderer, who is like a bull in the social china shop. On every side we encounter multitudes of men who have intelligence, force, power, men who have achieved success in their own particular calling, but who are as ignorant as babes of any of the graces of human intercourse. 

They cannot enter or leave a room without falling over their own feet. They do not know what to say when presented to a stranger, or how either to pay or receive a compliment. At dinner parties you may see them hopelessly floundering around among the silverware. At restaurants you may observe them with their legs twined like snakes around their chair legs, grasping their forks as if they were about to harpoon an attacking whale, and, alas, you may even pass away an evening listening to them eat their soup. 

Of course, we excuse such men by saying that they have been too busy with big affairs to give their attention to such small matters as the proper use of a fork or a spoon. We say that it's more important that a man’s heart should be of gold than that he. should wear the right sort of coat for the occasion, and we try to gloss over his boorishness by calling him a rough diamond. All of which is sheer nonsense. Nobody will contend that a rough diamond is as valuable as one that is cut and polished, and the truth is that while a man may succeed without good manners, he would succeed better with them. 

To know how to do things, to possess what the French call savoir faire, is always a help, never a handicap in life. People have always appreciated this fact, so far as women were concerned. In all girls' schools special attention is paid to deportment, and girls are taught the niceties of etiquette that they perhaps de not have an opportunity to learn in their own homes. More than that, at home stress is laid on little girls behaving like ladies, and wherever you go, the small daughter of the house will receive you charmingly, drop her little courtesy and endeavor to engage you in courteous conversation. 

But apparently the mothers of the same families make no effort to instill politeness into their boys, and their lads will storm into the room with their caps on. They will never stop to speak to the visitors, and only grunt by way of reply when addressed. And when these boys are sent off to school, no effort seems to be made to supplement their lack of home training in manners. They are grounded in all the arts and sciences except the most important art and science of all, which is that of making oneself agreeable to one’s fellow creatures. 

For, when all is said and dont, good manners will carry one further than anything else in the world. They are a letter of credit» that every one of us honors* at sight. The clown may compel our grudging respect, but present our hearts as a free gift to the courtier. A young man may be of the most sterling worth and yet wear a decollete collar that exposes his Adam’s apple and a coat and trousers and waistcoat of different makes and colors so that he looks like an animated patchwork quilt, but if he and another youth who knew how to dress, applied for the same job, the good clothes would get it. 

A man might he a genius and yet eat peas with his knife, but he would have a hard time getting close enough to those who might help him to get a chance to show what he could do. A man may have almost superhuman ability in any line, but if he is rude and crude in his manners, if he does not know how to please, he lives and dies neglected. On the other hand, the man who has what we call a charming personality, who is gracious in speech and polite in manners, finds a helping hand always at his elbow and a friendly shoulder ready to boost him up the ladder. That is why it is so important to teach boys good manners and why the opening a department in the New York University is epoch-making. — By Dorothy Dix, 1916

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Having Money vs Having Manners

 

The same people who say they disdain manners are outraged when they are treated rudely by those who are of their own circumstances or whose services they are buying. Why, then, does etiquette's reputation for abetting snobbery persist? — It is believed that the word “snobbery” came into use for the first time in 1820’s England. According to Wikipedia, “‘Snob’ is a pejorative term for a person that believes there is a correlation between social status and human worth.” The word “snob” also refers to a person that feels superiority over those from lower education levels, lower “social classes,” or other social areas.

The Poor Can Have Manners, and the Rich Can Lack Taste

Considering the frenzy of interest in consumer goods in this society, it is astonishing to Miss Manners that so many people presume that the gentle art of manners is based on a preoccupation with money. Etiquette, it is widely believed, consists of forms of behavior requiring fortunes in silverware, evening clothing and unwieldy vehicles. Most people only feel they need etiquette on occasions when they are spending a great deal of money putting on a wedding, for example. Otherwise, they can apparently make do with rudeness. 

Dear, dear. You can imagine how upsetting Miss Manners finds this. She doesn't know which offends her more, the people who seek to demonstrate their genuineness by eschewing manners or those who are scrambling to learn them to serve their social ambitions. They both end up being rude. The truth is that there is very little relationship between manners and money. Certainly, Miss Manners has never noticed any preponderance of politeness on the part of the rich. Good manners are, first of all, free. And that is not generally true of status symbols.

Secondly, they cover all forms of outward human behavior, from those needed for the most routine daily encounters in households or on highways, to the special ones for special occasions. And thirdly, the consequences of violating them in ordinary life are more unpleasant than the effects of small technical errors on formal occasions, when it would be rude of other people present to notice. The same people who say they disdain manners are outraged when they are treated rudely by those who are of their own circumstances or whose services they are buying. Why, then, does etiquette's reputation for abetting snobbery persist? 

Miss Manners attributes part of it to the fact that one always thinks of familiar behavior as being simply natural, and strange behavior as etiquette. Everyday behavior is therefore classified as nice or mean, rather than good manners or bad manners, while the self-consciousness one has on special occasions leads one to identify their traditional practices as manners. But there is also a mistaken belief that knowledge and possession of expensive things are themselves a demonstration of propriety. People sometimes try to lead Miss Manners into condemning inexpensive goods especially clothing made of synthetic materials as “tacky.” If “tacky” is intended to mean “improper,” they are quite wrong. 

Propriety and impropriety have nothing to do with how much one can afford to spend. That someone does not wear expensive fabrics has nothing whatever to do with the quality of the manners that person may exhibit. If “tacky” refers to taste, then there is a connection with money. Rich people may have not only the money to spend, but also more leisure to learn to distinguish quality in material objects. Miss Manners has nothing whatever against such an educational activity, which can be great fun and is not unknown among people who do not have money. 

Since the invention of the museum, people can study and enjoy things without owning them and the rich should remember that their servants usually know more about the quality of their silver and linens, from cleaning them, than the owners do. None of this is within the province of manners, however. Etiquette’s interest in taste, as that applies to consumer items, is chiefly in combating ostentation. What is improper is the diamond bracelet worn for tennis, the car or house referred to as a “limousine” or “mansion,” the designer label any inappropriate display of wealth, or preoccupation with the cost of one’s own or other people’s possessions. In fact, there is hardly anything more rude and vulgar than an active interest in whether someone else's clothes are made of synthetic materials. — Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, 1987

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of 19th - Early 20th C. Dining

An informal table set with a service plate, an under plate, a ramekin dish in a silver holder with handle, holding the first course for the meal, for each diner at the table. Victorian meals by 1900, were so elaborate, that books were written to explain how to serve the food. Setting the table might have required as many as seven sterling silver forks for all of the various dishes that were to be served. By the 1920s though, casual dining ushered in Fiesta ware, which continues to be popular with collectors today.

   

     How Dishes Have Changed 

Table manners, just like clothes, have become less formal and less complicated in the past 50 years. A set of dishes today will have about six pieces for a place setting, and a set of tableware (often made of stainless steel, which doesn’t need to be cleaned like silver) will have six or seven pieces to a place setting.

The Victorian dinner table seemed to be filled with hundreds of styles of silverware and dishes. Etiquette demanded the correct utensils for each type of food. A set of silver could have more than 100 pieces. There could be a special fork for oysters, salad, dinner, lunch, dessert, cake, pie and cold meat, and all sorts of serving forks.

Even dishes had special uses. How many people today use a ramekin (a small, straight-sided dish used for custards), a cream soup dish (shaped like a small bowl with two handles), a teacup, coffee cup, demitasse cup, after-dinner cup and many other dishes? Collectors can rarely identify a mush-and-milk set, herring dish, asparagus bowl, berry set or even a shredded-wheat dish. Each was made in a special shape but with the same pattern. Modern examples are not even made. — By Ralph and Terry Kovel in the Times, 1999

Old advertisement for a berry set. These pressed glass sets make entertaining a bit more special and can be found in antique shops or online.

— Photos from Etiquipedia’s private library

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Glove History and Etiquette Facts

During the Dark Ages only men wore them. Ladies needed permission from the King to put on gloves. But Catherine di Medici changed all that. Thereafter, gloves became a status symbol among women, with England's Queen Elizabeth I emphasizing her status with more than 2,000 pairs. Today a woman shopping has almost as many kinds, lengths and colors to choose from. And gloves very definitely mark her fashion status.

Do You Have Your Fashion Status Well in Hand?

Choosing a pair of gloves to go with your costume is like selecting a sauce for a very good dish. The wrong choice can spoil everything. Yet ladies can be thankful for such a dilemma because wearing gloves marks their improved position in a man's world.

During the Dark Ages only men wore them. Ladies needed permission from the King to put on gloves. But Catherine di Medici changed all that. Thereafter, gloves became a status symbol among women, with England's Queen Elizabeth I emphasizing her status with more than 2,000 pairs. Today a woman shopping has almost as many kinds, lengths and colors to choose from. And gloves very definitely mark her fashion status.

In vogue are sleeveless dresses topped by sleeveless or short-armed jackets or coats, all of which require gloves to make up the fabric deficit. Glove length is described in terms of buttons (a measuring idea the French devised) even though the gloves often may lack buttons altogether. Each button corresponds to an inch measuring from the lowest part of the thumb seam to the cuff of the glove.

Here are the kinds of gloves your accessory wardrobe should Include:

SHORTY - It stops at the wrist where it may or may not be fastened with a button. The most versatile of all lengths, it looks as well with sleeveless dresses as with long sleeved coats. The trim, style and material determines whether the gloves should be worn with dressy, tailored, day or evening clothes.

SLIP-ON - Primarily a daytime glove, it has no fastening and ranges from three to five button lengths.

GAUNTLET - It Is four to six buttons in length, has a flared cuff, and is pull-on In style. It, too, is primarily a daytime glove.

MOUSQUETAIRE - Lengths range from 8 to 20 buttons and have a buttoned opening on the inner side of the wrist. It is for dressy or formal wear with dresses.

THE PULL-ONS - The length also range from 8 to 16 buttons. They have no opening or fastening. The elbow length size, about 12 buttons (or longer If worn crushed below the elbow) is the season's most popular length because they take up where cape sleeved, or elbow length, sleeves on new style coats leave off. Longer pull-ons are restricted to evening wear.

A mere 75 years ago the act of pulling on long gloves was considered to be too intimate to be done in the presence of a gentleman. Today ladies slip them on and off as unblushingly and as casually as hats. Generally speaking, except on formal occasions when a long glove is an integral part of the ensemble, gloves are removed soon after entering a home, theater or restaurant. At a party it is not correct to do more than sip from a glass with gloves on. However, etiquette today no longer requires a woman to remove her gloves before shaking hands. — The Sun, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Diplomatic Blunder Led to Faux Pas

It was bad enough that he had a faux nose to replace the one he lost due to illness, but how on earth could someone with a faux nose use snuff? And would the person even want to???— “Prince Alexander, with his wonted grace of manner, soothed the wounded spirit of the diplomatist, and on taking leave of him was so anxious to be polite that, forgetting the peculiar disabilities under which Gadban Effeudi labored, he presented him with a valuable silver snuff-box.” — Above, antique silver snuff box.

In a letter from Sophia, we find the following story: Gadban Effendi, at some early period of his life, was in delicate health, and his malady settling in his note brought about the total loss of that feature. This misfortune was mitigated by the adoption of a paper substitute, which answers uncommonly well and never turns blue on frosty mornings. But of course it is not a thing to take notice of or talk about. Yet, when Gadban Effendi was going to Stamboul last January with the Prince's message to the Sultan, a passport was given him by the Bulgarian Foreign office, which contained his signalement, of which one of the items was, “Nez Postiche.”


This brutal precision irritated Gadban Effendi very much. He demanded an audience of the Prince, and insisted that the passport clerk should be dismissed. Prince Alexander, with his wonted grace of manner, soothed the wounded spirit of the diplomatist, and on taking leave of him was so anxious to be polite that, forgetting the peculiar disabilities under which Gadban Effeudi labored, he presented him with a valuable silver snuff-box. — Daly Alta, 1886

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1960’s Women’s Glove Etiquette

The mousquetaire— the glove with an opening at the wrist— is easier to get into and can be rolled back for eating or smoking.— “A woman without gloves is a marked woman. It's like going barefoot to be without them.” - Claire Mc Cardell, 1956

Gloves Called Most Important Costume Accessory

“A woman without gloves is a marked woman. It's like going barefoot to be without them.”


Although gloves themselves have changed somewhat since the late Claire Mc Cardell, the designer, made this statement in 1956, the etiquette of wearing gloves has not. They are still the most important accessory of a woman's costume and the one about which there seems to be the most confusion.


Fashion has moved in two opposing directions—extremely casual by day and very formal at night—and it is impossible to be well-dressed without a glove wardrobe that includes various lengths and fabrics.


Long evening dresses have brought the 20-button to 16-button glove back into the forefront of fashion. (“Button,” in glove parlance, means inches measured upward from the base of the thumb.)


White kid is still proper for most evening dresses according to Miss Adelaide Baltimore, glove buyer for Bloomingdale’s. More dramatic women are wearing long black suede gloves with black costumes, and there is some interest in gold lamé or embroidered gloves.


“How long to buy gloves depends on the length of your arms,” Miss Baltimore advised. “With formal dresses the elbow should be covered: this can mean 16-button for some women, longer for others.”


For less formal evening dresses or cocktail dresses, the 10-button to 12-button glove that comes to the elbow is becoming. Wrist-length gloves are sometimes worn at parties by young girls, but the mature woman had better forget them for a while, Miss Baltimore suggested. The mousquetaire— the glove with an opening at the wrist— is easier to get into and can be rolled back for eating or smoking.

Gloves for Day

The favorite daytime glove is still the 8-button kid or suede one. Even though all coat sleeves no longer end above the wrist, women like the neat look of sleeve and glove meeting when they move their arms. The silk-lined, kid glove inaugurated in Europe, has made leather gloves easier to slip into and more comfortable. Neutral or black gloves are still daytime favorites, said Miss Baltimore, but her department is selling a surprising number of white kid gloves for day, despite their fragility.


Fabric gloves, now that synthetic fabrics have been given such attractive textures, are practical substitutes for leather and look best in taupe or neutral shades. The long, thick knitted glove, has moved to town along with bulky, country tweeds.


What used to be the driving glove, with a leather palm, is now worn by subway strap hangers and baby-carriage pushers as well as by lady chauffeurs. Cold weather will bring out fur gloves as soft and thick as cats' paws.


American women wear gloves-and keep them on wherever practical. It is correct to wear them while shaking hands, indoors or out. The habit of carrying one glove makes a woman look unfinished. It is a good idea to give oneself a moment before entering a room or a restaurant to replace the glove that came off to pay the taxi driver. — By Angela Taylor, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Postiche Etiquette

A beautiful, Victorian, Jasperware “hair tidy“ or “hair receiver” for saving one’s “combings.” These were common items on the dressing tables of wealthy women, throughout the Victorian and Edwardian eras. They remained popular items all the way up to the 1950’s. Saved hairs from brushes and combs were collected to make personal hairpieces — also known by their French terms, “toupees” or “postiches.”  

It is never polite to assume someone is wearing a hairpiece, or ask about someone’s hairpiece, unless the person in question raises the subject in conversation. Even then, use caution with your comments. Most often, people will only bring the subject up in fishing expeditions for compliments.

Wear a Fresh Spring Postiche and Mind Your Postiche Manners

The best postiche is made from one's own combings. It is not hard to find a hairdresser, even in small towns, who makes false hair into various forms; if not, the combings can be sent to a city establishment. The cost of making is less than a bought postiche, and the risk lessoned.


See that the piece is tightly woven. If not, if too loose, the hair pulls up and roughens. When this occurs there is no cure but reweaving.


Never let a postiche get tangled. Brush it daily, or as often as worn, with a brush with rubber back and stiff bristles. This tears the hair less than combing. Occasionally, put a few drops of brilliantine on the brush. It will take away the dead look that so quickly comes to false hair.


A postiche should not be allowed to lie uncovered, collecting dust. Keep it in a drawer for cleanliness.


A postiche should be frequently washed, especially when the hair has been shampooed, for dust is transferred from it to the clean scalp. Use a suds of white soap, which is rinsed well later, or gasoline. Dry quickly, shake well, and brush until fluffy.


The adjusting of a postiche is important. Brush the hair forward and pin the edge with small steel pins. Then brush back in sections, pin into place, and draw one's own hair loosely over it or not, as you wish. Some women prefer brushing the postiche and front hair back as if all were grown on the head.


When a postiche is bought instead of made from combings, pay more and get real hair. Cheaper grades soon fade, and never fail to show, even with the most careful hairdressing. — New York Times, 1912

While it’s no longer recommended to use gasoline to wash one’s hairpiece, proper grooming etiquette still requires that people keep their hairpieces clean. A good shampoo should do the trick! — “A postiche should be frequently washed, especially when the hair has been shampooed, for dust is transferred from it to the clean scalp. Use a suds of white soap, which is rinsed well later, or gasoline. Dry quickly, shake well, and brush until fluffy.” 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for the June Bride

Don't fail to write your own notes. The habit some girls have of shifting this responsibility to their bridesmaids is rude, and gives rise to many ridiculous blunders. Don't make your notes perfunctory and stereotyped. A bride often makes a bad impression by her wedding notes to strangers, that it takes years to efface. Be grateful without being gushing. Don't gage your gratitude by the value of the gift sent. Nothing more quickly shows lack of breeding. Besides, it is stupid, as you can never tell when your friends will compare your notes. 

Mrs. Edsel B. Ford's bridal party, 1916 —Photo source, Pinterest  

Here are some Don’ts for the June Bride:

• Don't fail to have an open air wedding if your grounds permit. This is the one month of the year for that loveliest of wedding ceremonies. 
• Don't be terrified lest your outdoor ceremony will be ruined by rain. Have all your arrangements made to be married indoors; you will probably break the hoodoo of the unprepared and draw sunshine.
• Don't get a more elaborate trousseau than you need. Better hold over part of your money and get your handsomest frocks in the Fall, when you will need them more.
• Don't be a procrastinator in ordering your trousseau Last minute fittings do not make for a beauteous bride, particularly on hot June days.
• Don't spend a fortune in decorations— if you cannot afford it Nothing is lovelier than the June garden flowers at a wedding, and your girl friends should have taste enough to arrange them artistically. 
• Don't invite more than your house— in case of rain— or your church can accommodate comfortably. A “jam” on a hot June day is torment.
• Don't lack a system in receiving and answering your wedding presents. See that your name and address of the sender, also the place where the gift is bought, is marked in an alphabeted book, as each package is opened. Check off each name as soon as a note of thanks is written.
• Don't use your calling card for your “thank you” notes. It is wretched form. A wedding gift demands a gracious and grateful answer in the first person.
• Don't fail to write your own notes. The habit some girls have of shifting this responsibility to their bridesmaids is rude, and gives rise to many ridiculous blunders.
• Don't make your notes perfunctory and stereotyped. A bride often makes a bad impression by her wedding notes to strangers, that it takes years to efface. Be grateful without being gushing. 
• Don't gage your gratitude by the value of the gift sent. Nothing more quickly shows lack of breeding. Besides, it is stupid, as you can never tell when your friends will compare your notes. 
• Don't fail to mention the name of your fiancé in writing your notes of thanks. The gifts are sent to you both, though they belong to the bride. 
• Don't exhaust yourself note-writing. Keep up your notes as well as you can, by daily writing, but stop for at least 2 days before the wedding. Moderate delays are excusable; long delays the height of rudeness.
• Don't write wedding notes on shabby paper or hotel paper. Have correspondence cards or fine linen paper, with your monogram, preferably. 
• Don't be guilty of the execrable form of criticizing wedding gifts. think what you please, but please keep your comments unsaid. Don't cut loose, even to your dearest confidant — she'll think none the better of you and may tell.
• Don't stint on rest in the last days before the wedding. Let the family work, if you will not go in for simplicity. It's a bride’s privilege to look fresh and as beautiful as you can. When overtired it is bound to show. 
• Don't go into matrimony thoughtlessly. If you have doubts, even at the last minute that he is not the right man, better risk talk and break off the match. The notoriety and disappointment are bad, but not half so bad as a lifetime of unhappiness.
• Don't expect the impossible in a husband. Remember, you are marrying a man, not a hero in a novel. If he has faults, is not up to your ideal, he is doubtless thinking the same of you. Love much and learn to make allowances, if you would avoid unhappiness. Your married life may not be that of your dreams, but it should be something far deeper and sweeter. — The New York Times, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia