Etiquette of 19th C. Norway

Stained glass of “Maid of Norway”: On the death of Alexander III, his only surviving descendant and the recognized heiress to Scotland was Margaret, known as the Maid of Norway.

In no land is hospitality more open-handed and more unaffected than in Norway, and, though these features are naturally becoming blunted along the beaten lines of travel, the genuine goodness of heart, fine “gentlemanly” feeling, and entire absence of that sordidness which is so often seen even in primitive regions, cannot fail to strike the unprejudiced observer. Nor is etiquette ignored by even the rudest of people. In the cities the stranger is apt to make many blunders. In the country, however, this is not less marked, though perhaps the visitor will be less conscious of its presence.

Every cup of coffee must be filled to overflowing; otherwise the host would be thought stingy.

One of the peculiarities of the Norwegian farmer is that, when visiting a friend, he must ignore all the preparations made for his entertainment. He will see the coffee roasted and the cups set out, and then, just when the good wife is about to offer him her hospitality, he gets up, bids the family good-bye, and is only persuaded to remain after some resistance. Every cup must be filled to overflowing; otherwise the host would be thought stingy. When milk, brandy or beer is offered, the guest invariably begs that it will not “be wasted on him,” and then, after emptying the cup, declares that — “it is too much” — going through the same formalities, it may be, three or four times. 

  

In the farmhouses or upland "saeters," the guest is left to eat alone, silver forks and spoons being often substituted for the carved wooden ones used by the family, and a fine white cloth for the bare board, which serves well enough on ordinary occasions. To a punctilious guest this may not be a drawback, for at the family table, as, indeed, among the peasants in Scandinavia everywhere, the different individuals dip their spoons into the same dishes of "grod" a sour milk; but for one desiring of studying a people, a load of foreign prejudice is a grievous burden to carry about.

In the farmhouses or upland “saeters,” the guest is left to eat alone, silver forks and spoons being often substituted for the carved wooden ones used by the family.

When a child is born the wife of every neighbor cooks a dish of “flodegrod” (porridge made with cream instead of milk), and bring it to the convalescent, there being a good deal of rivalry among the matrons to outdo each other in the quality and size of the dish. When any one has taken food in a Scandinavian house he shakes hands with the host and hostess in rising from the table, and says, “Tak for mad” (“Thanks for food”), to which they reply: “Vel bekomme” (“May it agree with you.'”)

Depiction of a Norwegian bride, 1899.

In many parts of Scandinavia all the guests shake hands with each other and repeat the latter formula; and in Norway, at least it is the fashion for a guest to call on the hostess a few days later, and when she appears, to gravely say : "Tak for sidst" ("Thanks for last time,") great gravity on this formal visit being a mark of good breeding. —From the Daly Alta California, 1886

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Classes at Kansas College, 1911

To be a veritable Chesterfield at table,"Don't eat pie so ravenously that it will get in your ears!" 

At the Kansas Agricultural College— by means of formal and informal lunch and dinner parties under an instructor's supervision—the whole senior class will study how to eat according to the laws of etiquette. 

"Practical Cookery and The Etiquette and Service of the Table, Manhattan Department of Printing, Kansas State College of Agriculture and Applied Science" ~ The book went through many revisions over the years, and at first was mainly recipes and instructions. This revised copy is from 1941

A rather pleasant study, by the way, if the college cooks will do their best. Already have these seniors made out a list of nine "dont's" for their own use and that of younger students, which assures one of their firm determination to be veritable Chesterfields at table. 

Thus: 

• Don't balance peas on your knife. 
• Don't eat potatoes with a spoon. 
• Don't eat pie so ravenously that it will get in your ears. 
• Don't tie your napkin around your neck as if you were getting a shave. 
• Don't dip your soup into your vest pocket.
• Don't make the extraction of soup from a spoon sound like escaping steam.
• Don't leave your spoon in your coffee and run the risk of knocking your eye out.
• Don't butter your bread with your thumb.

Hereafter, when anyone scoffingly inquires, "What's the matter with Kansas?" the question can have no possible reference to her table manners. 
—From the Pacific Rural Press, March 1911

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Etiquette for 19th C. State Dinners

The long White House tables, all dressed up, for a State Dinner being held in honor of Admiral Dewey

State Dinner Etiquette

Just What the Host and Guests are Expected to Do 

The usual hour for a state dinner is 8 p.m. As the guests arrive, which should be fifteen minutes before the hour set, they are shown to the rooms for the removal of wrappings, and descend by the private stairway to the grand corridor and proceed direct to the East Room, where the President and lady await them. 
                                     

Benjamin Harrison was the President of the United States in 1890. This is a photo of the "Harrison Presidential china." For more on Presidential china, read our post on The Etiquette of White House Table Service and State Dinners or Etiquette and Dishing on White House China for State Dinners

Each gentleman, upon entering the room, is handed by an usher, a small envelope containing a card inscribed with the plan of the table and bearing the name of the lady he will escort. On the diagram, the number of the seats he and the lady will occupy are marked. After being received by the President, he examines the card and immediately joins the lady he will accompany to the State Dining Hall. The lady whom he has brought remains with him until her escort appears. 
                                            

"The President with the first lady guest, leads the way to the State Dining Room, followed by the remaining guests. The residing lady, escorted by the principal man, close the line." The first lady guest was the female guest of greatest importance. The residing lady was who is now known as the "First Lady" or "FLOTUS." For more who the original "First Ladies"of Washington D.C. society were, read our post on 19th C. Washington Societal Etiquette Above~ A stereoscopic view of the unset White House tables.

All the guests having arrived at the appointed hour, the steward announces the dinner is in readiness. The President with the first lady guest, leads the way to the State Dining Room, followed by the remaining guests. The residing lady, escorted by the principal man, close the line. The Marine band meanwhile performs a suitable march. In the dining room, the guests find their places and take the seats assigned them by the plate cards, which correspond in location with the diagram handed them upon entering the East Room.

A corner of the East Room, modern day.

There are four services at all State dinners. The dishes in their order are served on silver salvers by waiters, the guests helping themselves. The chief waiter serves the President first, and then proceeds toward the the right, and the second waiter toward the left. The same course is observed on the opposite side of the table, beginning with the presiding lady. No one is ever served twice. The plates of one course are removed as soon as each guest is finished, and the plate for the next is put in its place.

"There are four services at all State Dinners. The dishes in their order are served on silver salvers by waiters, the guests helping themselves."~ The first White House Cookbook was published in 1887. Not only did it have Presidential favorite foods, recipes and the menus from important meals and events held in the Executive Mansion, but it also had "recipes" for cosmetics and cleaners, basic etiquette of the day and tips on child rearing. It really had everything a lady of the Victorian Era ought to know. Its menus, recipes and helpful tips, made this a favorite cookbook of wives across the U.S. 

At the close of dinner, which lasts about three hours, it has been the custom of late years for the gentleman to leave the table with the ladies and not return. The custom during the earlier administrations was for the ladies to have their coffee served in the drawing-room, and for the gentleman to return to drink a single glass of wine to the health of the President. Gentlemen wishing to enjoy a cigar retire during the coffee to the corridor of the foot of the private stairway, but join the ladies when the presiding lady makes the motion to retire. After the promenade through the suite of parlors, the gentlemen surrender the ladies to the gentleman with whom they came, and with their own ladies take leave of the President and his lady. They should receive their wrappings and leave the building quietly and promptly. The last of the guests should have retired within thirty minutes after leaving the table. –From the Washington Star, March 15, 1890 

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Properly Making Tea

Tea is an extremely delicate article!

A CUP OF TEA

How To Make It Properly, and How to Spoil It ...  from The London Telegraph, 1889

"It seems a simple thing enough; yet of the millions who use this refreshing and agreeable beverage a very small proportion understand bow to prepare it. But if not properly made, tea is deprived of a great deal of its value, and sometimes rendered absolutely injurious. The water to be used should boil, and it should be poured on the tea immediately it boils; if allowed to overboil the peculiar property of boiling water which acts upon tea evaporates and eventually disappears. Tea should not be a decoction, but an infusion. If allowed to stew, it becomes little better than a decoction of tannic acid. Tea that is overdrawn is hurtful to the nerves and to the digestion. As to the precise number of minutes which should be devoted to the process of drawing, some people will say five minutes, some seven, some will perhaps go as far as ten, but our experience is in favor of six; this suffices to bring out the flavor, quality and strength.
        

The replenishing of the teapot with fresh hot water is very objectionable.

Just as much tea as is wanted should be made — no more. Make fresh tea as often as it is required. The replenishing of the teapot with fresh hot water is very objectionable. As the thorough heating of the receptacle is of the first importance, the teapot should be made thoroughly hot before the tea is put into it. The earthenware teapot is preferred to all others by many connoisseurs, and it is superfluous to say that whatever utensil is used for this purpose should be immaculately clean.
                                    

Reading the tea leaves, do you see a better cup of tea in your future?

Tea is an extremely delicate article. Its susceptibility to the odors of commodities near it is a source of danger and deterioration, as it readily takes up the smell of coffee, cocoa, spices, cheese, bacon, or other articles of pronounced odor. The complaints sometimes made about tea would probably not arise if always kept in places free from such contagion. Tea should be stored in a warm, dry place; unnecessary exposure to the air should be avoided. Even when securely packed in the leaden chests in which it arrives in England, the change from the glowing lights of Eastern skies to the damp and humid atmosphere of this climate deprives tea of much of its beautiful fragrance.         

No burnt hands! No lifting the pot! No aching arms! No soiled clothes! It turns the drudgery of pouring a cup of tea into a pleasure! How fragile were American women? ~ An American made self-pouring tea pot from 1888

Tea of much better quality than is generally dispensed at our railway stations and refreshment rooms can be bought at 2s per' pound. A pound of tea would make 128 cups. This is "considerably less than a farthing per cup. You may well ask why is it that we should be still charged 4d and 6d "for a little hot milk and water slightly flavored with undesirable tannin."

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Etiquette and "Ruth Ashmore"

Lucky young girls were raised by parents, and governesses, who could afford “youth-sized” flatware for which to practice good table manners. This size was also used for dining at tea-time. Those who were not as lucky, were thrilled to read popular etiquette columns by the likes of numerous “agony aunts,”  writing under popular pen-names in the 1890’s.

Table Etiquette for the “eldest daughter” from the 1892 Ladies Home Journal

As a people, we Americans have been laughed at for eating too fast, and we are credited as being a nation of dyspeptics, writes Ruth Ashmore in her interesting department, "Side Talks with Girls," in the Ladies Home Journal. Now, of course, this is generalizing, but you, the eldest daughter, have it in your power to make the boar at the dinner or tea-table one of real delight, it is an easy matter, one you will find, to start some pleasant conversation to get your father and brother interested in the talk of the day, so that you will eat your food more slowly, and you will achieve what the Frenchmen consider the great art—you will dine, not merely feed yourself.

But there are a few little questions about table etiquette of the table that some girl wants to know, and these I am going to tell her. She must hold her knife by its handle, and never let her fingers reach up to its blade. Whenever it is possible, a fork must be used in place of a spoon, and that same spoon, by the by, must never be left in a coffee or tea cup, but laid to rest politely and securely in the saucer.

Antique sterling, individual cheese fork 

Glasses with handles are held by them. A goblet should be caught by the stem, the fingers not entwining the bowl part. Don't butter a large piece of bread and take bites from it; instead, break your bread in small pieces, one at a time. Butter it, that is, if you are eating butter, and convey it to your mouth by your fingers.

Olives, celery, radishes, strawberries with stems, and asparagus are all eaten from the fingers. The old method of eating cheese with a knife has been given up, with a fork being used in its place. The use of many small dishes for vegetables is not in good taste: indeed, many vegetables should not be served at one time.—From The Ladies Home Journal, as posted in the Sacramento Daily Union, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

How Lettuce Changed Etiquette

“Salad forks” were not heard of prior to their creation in 1885. Prior to that time, luncheon-sized forks were often used for salads. It took 41 years before they would be joined at the table with their own “lettuce knives” or “salad knives” — “In the American book of etiquette, according to J. T. Saunders, freight traffic manager for the Southern Pacific company, who says that lettuce knives must soon be added to the list of table cutlery required by the perfect hostess.”           

Lettuce Changed American Table Etiquette in 1926

California is writing a new paragraph in the American book of etiquette, according to J. T. Saunders, freight traffic manager for the Southern Pacific company, who says that lettuce knives must soon be added to the list of table cutlery required by the perfect hostess. 

“For ages past,” Saunders explained, “authorities on etiquette have insisted that lettuce at table must be cut, speared and conveyed to the mouth entirely with the salad fork. Just try this on a sector of crisp and tender giant California head lettuce, and you will quickly discover that it is not so simple as it sounds." Hence the need for a lettuce knife. 

“From 9,744 carloads in 1922, shipments of California lettuce to eastern markets this year will reach the amazing total of 27,000 carloads, a gain of almost 200 per cent in four years. In 1920 shippers on our coast division shipped only 62 carloads of the salad delicacy.      

Special lettuce serving forks, most often with lettuce serving spoons, were a Gilded Age neccesity. In fact, gilded tines were needed to help prevent corrosion to the silver, caused by citric acids, vinegar, etc... and other salad dressing ingredients.— Salads were not popular in the U.S., until the mid 1800s. Their popularity, when they did become fashionable, was due to the fact that they were seen as very French. And “salad” could mean many different types of dishes, across the U.S., not necessarily just what we view as salads today. A salad could be a dish of asparagus or something served in aspic.  Salads were also a delicacy, as they needed refrigeration to keep fresh longer. Those who could afford large ice cellars, could also afford perishable salad greens.

This year, from the same territory, approximately 12,800 carloads will be shipped. “Equally startling has been the growth of Imperial Valley lettuce shipments. From 1,079 carloads in the 1918-19 season, the Valley will, during the coming season, send eastward more than 16,700 carloads of lettuce.” The famous California “Iceberg” head lettuce, developed and perfected by Imperial Valley growers, has created thousands of new lettuce lovers throughout the land. 

“There is no finer lettuce grown anywhere than in California and to this bears witness the fact that all the nation now eats lettuce. Fifteen years ago lettuce was regarded as a luxury, while today it is as commonplace in the American home as oatmeal and coffee.” — The Sausalito News, November 1926 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Russia on Chinese Etiquette

In Chinese etiquette there are eight varieties of the bow ~ The Ministry of Foreign Affairs (Wei Wu Pu), the same in organization and function as it was in 1901 when it first came into existence as a result of the “Peking Protocol.” The Ministry of Rites (Li Pu) succeeded the Department of Rites, without much change, but it incorporated the Court of Sacrificial Worships, the Court of State Ceremonials and the Court of Banquets which formerly duplicated some of the functions of the Department of Rites.  From “Government of China 1644-Cb,” by Pao Chao Hsieh
_________________________________________________________

The Celestials Consider Europeans Barbarians

The Russians have been making something of a study of Chinese manners and etiquette, and their periodicals are reporting what has been learned. The latest number of Russkii Vestnik says it is not surprising that the Celestials consider Europeans barbarians when they see continually what they consider bad manners and breaches of etiquette on the part of white men. The proper thing, according to the Chinese notion, is diametrically opposed to the European idea.

Western depiction of a Chinese wedding ceremony in the mid-1800s. The bride is the one whose face is completely covered. ~ "The latest number of Russkii Vestnik says it is not surprising that the Celestials consider Europeans barbarians when they see continually what they consider bad manners and breaches of etiquette on the part of white men." (Russkii Vestnik or "Russian Herald," was the literary and political journal founded in Moscow in 1856 by M. N. Katkov with the assistance of P. M. Leont'ev)

For instance, when a Chinese welcomes a visitor to his house, be does not remove his hat, if he happens to have it on. He puts his hat on if he is caught without it. The seat of honor at the table is at the left of the host. It would be considered an offense if the guest inquired about the health of the hostess, or, still worse, expressed a desire to be presented to her.

A Chinese takes offense it told that he looks younger than he is. The older the man the more he is respected, independently of his qualities, and. therefore, a Chinese wishes to appear older than he really is. He willingly forgives many offenses, but should any one happen to tread on his foot he will refuse to accept the most humble apologies. When a son dies in a Chinese family the bereaved father considers it proper to show strangers a smiling countenance, no matter what his sufferings may be.  

“A Chinese, displeased with his situation, will not tell his employer the real reason for resigning, but will give poor health or the death of a relative as a pretext for leaving.”

The Russian newspaper asserts that there is a minister of etiquette in China known as Li-Pu. Ancient books on manners are accepted by him as authority. The books include 200 volumes. Some of the rules are Draconian in their severity. A Chinese cannot even build a house according to his taste. No matter how rich he is, it is not proper for him to build a finer or a higher house than that of his neighbor if the latter happens to be of superior rank socially.

In Chinese etiquette there are eight varieties of the bow. Ignorance of Chinese ideas of propriety with regard to the bow has often caused embarrassment. A Chinese, displeased with his situation, will not tell his employer the real reason for resigning, but will give poor health or the death of a relative as a pretext for leaving. Such things have led many portions to regard the Chinese insincere, but this does them injustice. They are also unjustly considered to be cold, unemotional and indifferent to the sufferings of others. As a matter of fact this appearance of stolidity is only a specimen “of the wondertul self-control and the iron force of character with which this race is endowed.”

– The Los Angeles Herald, 1899

   Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Tea Time for Men

The Brighton, England, Swim Club enjoyed an "Aquatic Tea Party" in the 1880s. They were much more accustomed to tea drinking than the young gents in San Francisco 30 years later. It's doubtful anyone would see them bobbing and sipping tea in the San Francisco Bay in 1913.

Tea Hour in the Hotels ~ 
A Fashionable Function 
for Men in 1913

"Lemon or cream?" "Must I take it?" JLJ "Certainly. No young man can afford to be ignorant of the correct thing in tea nowadays." "That's why you lured me into this den of insipidity, then?" "Of course' but tea is not insipid, although it may be insidious. It shows that you have been unspeakably dull and behind the times that you don't take kindly to tea. Why, if you stay in San Francisco a few weeks you will gravitate to the tearoom without compulsion." 

"If that's the case, I'm precious glad that my vacation's up tomorrow. I'd be ashamed to have the fellows know that I'd been caught in a mess like this." "Hello, there's Binks! I'd never have expected to see him here." "Another proof of your ignorance of the fascinations of the tea hour. Oh, how nice! 'Binks'—Mr. Billington—is coming over here." The big college athlete, the hero of thousands, balanced his big body in a gilded chair. "Yes, thank you, tea for mine. No trimmings, just tea." The girl beamed upon him and called the attention of the other young man to this. There's proof that tea drinking is a manly pastime; whereupon the youth dutifully asked for a second cup.

Every table in the gray tearoom of the big hotel was taken. Young people whose holidays were about to end predominated, and chatter about the dances of the last fortnight and the call of the various schools and colleges to which they were about to return floated on the air and passed from table to table, for there were so many of the same set in the place that it seemed like a social affair rather than a gathering in a public dining room. 
                                           

"Tea? No, thank you; I will have a highball, if you don't mind," is the formula of many men who are willing enough to go to the tea room for a pleasant hour, but draw the line at succumbing to the gentle stimulus of the tea cup. 

Not every one in the big tearooms drinks tea. Some keen observer has said of men that they have to be very fashionable, indeed, to take their afternoon teas if they liked it. American men have been slowly led into participation in this habit, which they long regarded as exotic and therefore to be considered with suspicion. Even men who liked the taste of tea at home were shy of exhibiting the weakness in public places. 

Slowly but surely the influence of women, who hailed the tea hour not only as a pleasant one for themselves, but as a time when they might win men to additional relaxation, has had its effect. The number of men who are willing to seek the tea room not only for the sake of its social pleasures, but because they want to be refreshed by a cup of tea, is constantly increasing. 

However, there are still those uncaught by the lure of tea, even when prepared à la Russe, or otherwise doctored to virilize it by the addition of spice or liquors. "Tea? No, thank you; I will have a highball, if you don't mind," is the formula of many men who are willing enough to go to the tea room for a pleasant hour, but draw the line at succumbing to the gentle stimulus of the tea cup. 

Sickening sweet pastries? These look really good. I wonder what Binks was having...

"I wouldn't mind the tea so much if it wasn't for that sickening sweet pastry that you are supposed to eat with it," objected one man. "How about toasted muffins or thin slices of bread and butter?" "Oh, they are even more degenerate. I couldn't be seen eating them outside the privacy of my own house. I haven't yet quite gotten over the feeling that tea is a nice lady like drink and that I make concession enough in sitting by while some pretty girl makes eyes at me over her cup while I take my man's drink or smoke my cigarette. A girl looks as pretty as a man does foolish drinking tea in a beflowered tearoom, in my opinion." Those are terribly old fashioned sentiments. 

Looks like this young man has decided on bread with his tea! "While the winning of the men is a triumphant achievement, the tearoom remains sacred to many demonstrations of the peculiarly feminine."

The line between tea drinkers and those who partake of other beverages is not marked solely by sex. As more men come to drinking tea so many a woman prefers a more stimulating drink than that which comes out of a teapot, and may be seen sharing a bottle of champagne with a man or partaking of a cocktail or a highball. This passes without comment, but upon the still infrequent appearance of a girl who has lighted her cigarette in the tearoom the gaze and criticism turned upon her have given expression to the conservatism that still prevails in the tearoom, informal as it is in many ways. 

While the winning of the men is a triumphant achievement, the tearoom remains sacred to many demonstrations of the peculiarly feminine. It is a most convenient and delightful hour for dropping in from a shopping tour or to talk over arrangements for entertainments and all sorts of social and personal affairs. Above all, however, it offers excellent vantage ground for showing and observing the latest fashions at close range and with abundant leisure. 

"Don't you love the music here ?" one sweet young girl inquired of another. "No, indeed; I come here to talk, not to enter into competition with a foreign orchestra." "Well, I don't think the music is loud enough for that; I find that it is just enough to protect me from being overheard; also it gives one an excuse for leaning closer together when one is conversing with a friend." In the big hotels of the large cities the rooms devoted to the service of tea are seldom empty during the late afternoon, yet in all the pleasant throng there are few who pursue tea as do their English cousins because they can not do without it. For most of them the teapot is still the emblem of a pleasant hour and causerie. - News From San Francisco, 1913

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia