Etiquette and Popularity

“As a rule, the unpopularity of women is a verdict pronounced upon them by their own sex.” – A full purse never made one popular, or acceptable, by some women. But neither did a family name, or snobbery for that matter.

The Woman Who Is A Favorite with Everybody In Their Social World 

What is the secret of being "a popular woman," as the phrase is understood in society? There are some women who are extremely popular with their own sex, who have many women friends, but who are not popular with the opposite sex. Again, there are many women who are most popular with men, but who are unpopular with women, and are undeniably bored if thrown much in their company. As a rule, the unpopularity of women is a verdict pronounced upon them by their own sex.


Men proverbially make the best of women; if there is anything pleasant to be said about them they say it, and "a handful of good looks" weighs greatly in a woman's favor from a man's point of view. A woman must be very stupid, dull, disagreeable and plain before a man will boldly confess that "he can't get on with her."


Unpopularity is derived from various sources. A woman may be piquaute, pretty and pleasant; she may live in good style and do all that fashionable women do in the way of society engagements, and yet be extremely unpopular with both men and women. Her women friends are afraid of her, and her men friends never feel sure of her because her perceptions of the foibles and weaknesses of her friends are so keen and so little tempered by genuine good nature that no one escapes from the sting made by her apparently innocent remarks.


Another type of the unpopular woman is the one with a chilling manner and 'standoffish' demeanor, who, when she would thaw, cannot do so with any graciousness; though really kind hearted and duty loving, she is as unpopular in society as a woman can well be.


A brusque manner renders a woman unpopular until her friends know her well; but acquaintances seldom get as far as this; therefore to the end of the chapter she remains the brusque, unpopular woman still. Egotism is a formidable barrier to popularity. Women of this type are agreeable only so far as the topics of conversation concern themselves, their aims, interests, amusements, etc...


Popularity is a like diversity with unpopularity. Some women are immensely popular because they are what is termed "good company;" they have high spirits, they are witty and full of good natured repartee, they provoke geniality by their natural vivacity, that this is a popularity not to be acquired, being the outcome of a gift.


A woman can never be thoroughly popular unless, added to favorable position, she has an innate sweet disposition, is considerate, winning of speech and manner and has the gift of saying at all times the thing that will give the most pleasure. When a clever woman is also a truly kindly one she is liked by all classes and is foremost among popular women. – Los Angeles Herald, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia