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Q. How does an unmarried, but engaged couple, sign any greeting cards they send? Do we use both our first names and last names? And which of our names should we put first? A. In formal situations, or when you are not close to the recipients, it is most appropriate to sign a card like this: Mr. John Doe and Ms. (or Miss) Jane Dee. However, in informal and friendship situations, it is entirely appropriate to sign a card: “John and Jane.” |
What to put on envelope… Who signs the cards… Changing life styles pose problems
Q. How do I address a card to a married couple? Is it necessary to use Mr. and Mrs., or is it all right to use their first names?
A. When sending a card to a married couple, you’ll never be wrong in using formal address. For example: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. However, if your relationship with the couple is quite close, and it seems natural to do so, the envelope can be addressed informally, like this: John and Mary Doe.
Q. A friend of mine was divorced not long ago. When addressing her card, do I still use “Mrs.?” Do I use her former husband’s first name? Or would it be better just to address the card “Ms. Mary Doe?”
A. When sending a card to a divorced woman, you may retain the “Mrs.,” but you follow it with her first name: Mrs. Mary Doe. It would also be correct to dispense with the Mrs. and address the card to “Mary Doe.” In deciding whether or not to use “Ms.” you might want to consider the preferences of the recipient. Some women prefer to be addressed as Ms. and some are quite proud of the Miss or Mrs. preceding their name. If you’re not sure, you might want to avoid its use.
Q. I have some unmarried friends living together. How do I address their card?
A. One solution is to address the card with their full names, one on each line. If one friend is a woman, you might want to write her name first, as a courtesy, or you might want to address the card first to whichever one you know best: Mary Doe at ____ street address Or, you might want to send a separate card to each friend.
Q. How can I select a card for a widow or a widower especially when the loss was a recent one? Many Christmas or holiday cards speak of “joy” and “cheer” and “rejoicing.” That doesn’t always fit. And how should I address a card to a widow?
A. In this special situation, instead of relying on a traditional card, you might want to choose from the cards created especially to send to those whose Christmas or holiday may not be a joyous one this year. When addressing a card to a widow, use her husband’s first name: Mrs. John Doe. If she has children, and they are still living with her, you can address the card: Mrs. John Doe and children.
Q. When I address Christmas or holiday cards, I always like to include the children’s names on the envelope. They seem to enjoy that so much. Is there any correct way of doing this?
A. The easiest way to include the children is to add the all-inclusive “and family” after their parents’ names. However, if you want to add a special touch, you can include the children’s names in this way: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, each of the children’s names, and the street address. The same treatment works in single-parent families, where a card might be addressed: Mary Doe and Johnny or John Doe, then the children’s names. If the child’s last name differs from his parent’s (or parents’) you can use the child’s full name, too.
Q. How does a married couple sign any greeting cards they send? Do we use “Mr. and Mrs.” or our first names? And which of our names should we put first?
A. In formal situations, or when you are not close to the recipients, it is most appropriate to sign a card like this: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. However, in informal and friendship situations, it is entirely appropriate to sign a card: John and Mary Doe. When the recipient will undoubtedly know who you are, you’ll probably want to drop your last name altogether. When you send cards together, the person who writes the names usually puts his or her name last. But there are no hard and fast rules here. Sometimes the name of the person who knows the recipient best is the first name signed.
Q. How does an unmarried, but engaged couple, sign any greeting cards they send? Do we use both our first names and last names? And which of our names should we put first?
A. In formal situations, or when you are not close to the recipients, it is most appropriate to sign a card like this: Mr. John Doe and Ms. (or Miss) Jane Dee. However, in informal and friendship situations, it is entirely appropriate to sign a card: “John and Jane.” When the recipient will undoubtedly know who you are, you’ll probably want to drop your last name altogether. When you send cards together, the person who writes the names usually puts his or her name last. But there are no hard and fast rules here. Sometimes the name of the person who knows the recipient best is the first name signed.
Q. I have non-Christlan friends to whom I don’t want to send a card saying “Merry Christmas.” And I have business acquaintances whose religious affiliation I don’t know at all. What can I choose that will fit these situations?
A. There are many cards produced with the simple message “Happy Holidays” or “Seasons Greetings” or some other short piece of copy with wishes for the new year. They do not mention Christmas at all, so would be appropriate for a person of any (or no) religious persuasion. Be careful also to select a design without any specific religious symbolism, such as a scene of Jerusalem, church interiors, or manger scenes.
Q. Is it “unsophisticated” to include a written, personal message with the card?
A. In certain formal situations, where the recipient of your card is not very well known to you (perhaps a business acquaintance) the card’s simple message and your signed name would meet any social requirements. But to your friends and family, newsy or “special touch” messages in your own handwriting are always appropriate. This is doubly true when you are sending a card to someone who might be lonely during the holidays. A few written words from you are sure to give the recipient a special feeling, and your personal greeting may be more welcome than you could ever know. Christmas or other holiday stationery, complete with holiday design motifs, are also available for this specific reason.
Q. Is there anything else about greeting card etiquette that I ought to know?
A. Though it takes more writing, a thoughtful touch is to always include your return address on the envelope, for the recipient to record, if need be. Many people update their card-mailing lists at this time of year.
The only other point to remember is this: When greeting cards are sent, the most important thing of all is the communication that takes place. Whether you address the envelope correctly or write a gem of a message isn’t nearly so important as the fact that you are remembering someone and adding to their holiday enjoyment. – City Star News, 1981
🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
