Gilded Age Presidential Entertaining

The President gives only three state dinners annually. These are all his position demands and are arranged to take place each season between New Years Day and the beginning of Lent.  – Public domain image of The assassination of the US President William McKinley, Buffalo (NY) 1901

THE WHITE HOUSE:

President McKinley Will Give Great Feasts.

Will Begin Them This Spring

Etiquette Does Not Compel the President to Be 

“At Home” Until January 1, 1898

WASHINGTON, March 26.- “I'll give you $50,000 a year, Mr. President, but don't forget that I expect you to spend a part of it in official dinners to the end that the dignity, hospitality and etiquette of the greatest republic on earth may be maintained.”That's what Uncle Sam says to every incoming President. And the President obeys, whether he wants to or not. For over his head hang these solemn, dyspeptic duties, as unwritten and as arbitrary as the British constitution.

Of course, the United States pays a part of the palace expenses of its four-year king. There's the steward at $1800, and the gardener at $2000 a year. They are Federal officials, if you please. National funds are also furnished for fuel, $3000; greenhouses, $5000; keeping up White House grounds, $5000; electric lights in grounds, $1700; contingent expenses of Executive Mansion, including two horses, carriage, stationery, record books, telegrams, books for library, furniture, carpets for offices and miscellaneous items, $8000.

The President gives only three state dinners annually. These are all his position demands and are arranged to take place each season between New Year’s Day and the beginning of Lent. The exact dates, therefore, may vary, but in general: 

• The Cabinet dinner usually falls in the week following New Years.
• The Diplomatic Corps’ dinner comes about three weeks later.
• The Supreme Court dinner is usually given in the first week in February.

The cost of these dinners falls on the personal pocketbook of the Executive, and, from the best information obtainable, each affair should subtract just $1333.33 from his $50,000 annual total. The consensus of opinion among Washington caterers places the expense entailed by these dinners at $4000 a year. And this, too, with flowers and music free. For the floral decorations are all supplied from the White House conservatory and public greeneries, and Professor Fanciulli brings the Government Marine Band down from the barracks to play sweet arias for official ears.

Of course, this expense for edibles varies with the personal tendencies of the Presidents. Since the time of the immortal Lincoln, only two Presidents liked to entertain for the sake of entertaining and held their purse strings correspondingly loose. They were Grant and Arthur. 

Garfield undoubtedly possessed the same temperament and would have indicated it had he been allowed life and continuance in office. Cleveland, Harrison and Hayes are credited with regarding these three functions as somewhat laborious, however officially necessary. Quite naturally, then, they did not go to extra expense in order that these occasions might be particularly brilliant and memorable.

McKinley has already shown an old-fashioned, open-handed liberality. He has entertained chance guests sumptuously, and though he need not bother himself about official etiquette until January, 1898, he has prepared for some very fine McKinley has already shown an old- fashioned, open-handed liberality. He has entertained chance guests sumptuously, and though he need not bother himself about official etiquette until January, 1898, he has prepared for some very fine receptions and dinners this spring of a semi-official nature.

Florists and caterers report with glee that his orders have already exceeded any given by the outgoing President during his whole four years, and from sly hints let drop there will be some feast-giving that has never been equaled in this country. He will undoubtedly usher in 1898 and the social whirl with an éclat worthy of the return to power of the political party which gave him its highest honor.

The state dinners are all given in the state dining-room, are served on a Government silver and china service and Government linen, and are under the general supervision of the Federal White House steward. He is assisted by waiters paid out of the private pocket of the President, since the regular domestic staff of the Executive Mansion is generally quite limited. The table is always laid in the shape of a longitudinal section of an hour glass turned on its side.

To the Cabinet dinner are usually invited, besides the Secretaries and their wives, the Vice-President and Speaker of the House and their wives, and very occasionally one or two of the more distinguished members and Senators and their wives. The Diplomatic dinner may also include, besides the diplomats, members of the Foreign Affairs Committees of the two houses of Congress and the Secretary and Assistant Secretary of State. It is naturally the most brilliant of the three dinners, made so by the splendid official dress of foreign representatives. 

To the Supreme Court dinner, besides the Chief Justices and Associate Justices and their wives, come also the Attorney-General and a few distinguished guests from Senate and House. The President The President is usually dined each season by the members of the Cabinet in turn, beginning with the Secretary of State and down in the order of rank. This is official etiquette, but extends no further than the Cabinet. The President is also sometimes a dinner guest of the Chief Justice or one of the Associate Justices, but he is never the guest of a Foreign Minister. Such an action might be construed to have official significance, and an unwritten law requires that he keep away from these gentlemen.

Mere White House receptions do not lower the private bank account of a President, although they do test his hand-shaking powers to the utmost. Officially there are five of these receptions in the following order: New Years, Diplomatic, Congress and Judiciary, Army and Navy and marine corps and public. There are no fixed dates for these functions. They are planned and published at the beginning of the season.

All in all, most ex-Presidents would probably tell you that their social duties cost them more in physical and mental exertion than in dollars and cents of salary. The stately and solemnly important official dinner and the interminable line of people who must be hand-grasped and smiled at in receptions-these are more to be reckoned than caterers’ bills and dress-makers’ accounts.—By Yrome Retsof, 1896

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Prohibition Etiquette Humor

From 1920 through 1933, there was a period of “Prohibition” in the United States. During this period, the production, the sale or transportation and even the import of alcohol was banned. There were a few loopholes in the law, but the illegal production and sale of alcohol became a way of making many “bootleggers” wealthy and was at the same time highly competitive and dangerous.

Don’ts for Today

“Books of etiquette, like other works of reference, must be kept up-to-date,” said “Boss” Murphy at a New York luncheon.

“Our 1921 books of etiquette, for example, should have several up-to-date items such as:

• “Don't lick the pieces at launchings.”

• “Don't, when a hooch sleuth comes to search your house, produce a pint of the real stuff – produce a quart.” — Chico Record, 1921

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

University Parking Etiquette Humor

Do not park your car in a handicapped parking space unless you have a handicap sticker. If you park without the sticker, rest assured you’ll run into the parking patrol, who will snidely ask you what your handicap is. When you reply, “Oh, about 30,” be prepared for two tickets. – “Davis is the ultimate college town. It’s green, laid back and friendly. You can walk or bike from the main campus to the main street in a few blocks. College students fill up the tables at nearby restaurants and coffee shops with their laptops, homework and friends. The town of Davis helps our students thrive. - From ucdavis.edu”

Now that the rainy season seems to have returned for a few last swats at University of California at Davis's population, more students will be driving to school and more of them will have to use good manners in parking their cars.

No, Emily Post was never a “valet girl,” so she probably never gave car courtesy the slightest thought. However, if she were to park her car on the UCD campus between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. (if she's not provided with a space), she would realize the need for parking lot etiquette.

The following tidbits should serve as a reminder to show the courtesy and consideration you need to keep from dampening your spirits and the spirits of others when the rain starts to fall.

Entering the parking lot:

• It is always better to avoid confrontation with other cars by getting to the parking lot early, say, 5 a.m. Don't think this will necessarily get you to class on time. Remember the time-tested thesis: the more time you have, the more likely you are to be late.
• If you must use public parking, make sure you have two quarters ready to put in the machine. Try to avoid getting a day pass after you've already parked.

Looking for a space:

• If you're in front of a few cars, be aware of those cars behind you. Keep the line moving unless you're waiting for a car to vacate a space.
• If you're behind a car or a couple of cars, be patient. There’s no reason to risk an accident by hurrying. Besides, you didn't want to get to that lecture anyway.
• Always give a potential parking space to the car that gets there first.
• If you must use that kind of language, kindly roll up your window.

Parking your car:

• Do not park your car in a handicapped parking space unless you have a handicap sticker. If you park without the sticker, rest assured you’ll run into the parking patrol, who will snidely ask you what your handicap is. When you reply, “Oh, about 30,” be prepared for two tickets.
• If you have a small car, don't park between two large cars if you can help it. You can't imagine the frustration potential parkers have when they find at the last minute that their “space” has been occupied.
• Once you’ve parked, make sure your lights are turned off. This not only prevents your battery from running down, it also prevents you from passing the problem on to good citizens.
• If you notice a car with its lights on, try to locate the driver. Leaving a note on the windshield doesn't seem to work. If you open the car door to turn off the lights, please lock the door for the driver and do not take the tape machine as a “reward” for a good deed.
• Take everything you need out of your car. Don't return to a full parking lot only to get this “one little thing” out of your car. Once you've taken everything you need, leave the parking lot immediately.

Notes in general:

• Don't cross a crowded parking lot unless you are going to get your car out of that lot. It is impolite to jangle your keys as you cross the lot just to see how many cars follow you. It’s a fun game, to be sure, but if you play it, beware of cars who devise a little game of their own.
• In case you're not leaving, inform all the cars behind you.
• Other rules that you might have in mind should reflect the common courtesy and common sense as the ones above (cue music). Following these rules will make parking during the rainy season less frustrating for everybody.

Although parking lot etiquette is a serious subject, this article isn't meant to be excessively scolding or accusing— leave that to the letters to the editor. Let's leave our little discussion with a joke, shall we? How many Californians does it take to park a car? None. They can't find their space. — By D. Chatfield for California Aggie, 1984

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

An Agony Aunt on Etiquette

Amy is acquiring her vocabulary somewhere! From you? School? Playmates? Check around and I suggest you begin in your own home. Blasphemy and vulgarity are habit forming and perhaps such words slip from your own lips unconsciously.

Dear Mrs. Tobin:

Our 9-year-old daughter's language would stop the devil in his tracks. Punishing her doesn't make a bit of difference. We are often embarrassed by her mouth. Any suggestions? —Amy's Parents

Dear Parents:

Amy is acquiring her vocabulary somewhere! From you? School? Playmates? Check around and I suggest you begin in your own home. Blasphemy and vulgarity are habit forming and perhaps such words slip from your own lips unconsciously.

Dear Mrs. Tobin:

We called friends last Monday night and invited them for dessert and bridge. They turned us down because of the stupid baseball game. We think they were rude. Do you? —No Fan

Dear No Fan:

You think the Monday night baseball game is stupid. They think the same about Monday night dessert and bridge. Pick one of the six remaining nights in the week to get together.

Dear Mrs. Tobin:

The doctors just told me my husband has a terminal illness. While we don't expect a miracle we haven't given up, nor am I ready to tell our friends just how ill he is. What should I say when friends bore in for an answer? I'm sure they mean well. —Claire D.

Dear Claire D.:

Say, “The doctors are treating him and we all hope for a steady improvement.” Then ask about THEM! —By Riv Tobin, Copley News Service, 1975

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Declining Invite

 I would like to emphasize your point that the bride was correct to invite both you and your husband although she only knew you. The same would hold true for a business friend of your husband.

                  How does mate reject bid?

Dear Mrs. Tobin:

I am the girls' adviser in a large high school. When some of my former students marry they send an invitation to my husband and me. I know that this is the correct thing to do but my husband doesn't know the bride-to-be and is bored at the wedding and reception. He is perfectly willing to have me go and I really want to at- tend these functions. How do I word my RSVP to let the mother of the bride know I will be there but my husband will not? – Margaret G. 

Dear Margaret G.: 

The following is the correct form to use:

Mrs. John Phillip Jones accepts with pleasure the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Brown to the wedding and reception of their daughter on Wednesday the eighth of June at four o'clock St. Peter's Church but regrets that Mr. Jones will be unable to attend.

I would like to emphasize your point that the bride was correct to invite both you and your husband although she only knew you. The same would hold true for a business friend of your husband. You would be invited to the wedding too. – By Riv Tobin Copley News Service, 1975

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wedding Gift Etiquette

Crystal ashtrays and electric percolators were very popular wedding gifts in 1975. Wedding gifts should always be acknowledged with a note of thanks from the newly married couple within 6 weeks of the wedding. Guests do not expect to receive their gifts to be returned if a couple’s tastes or needs no longer require them. Gifts can always be donated to charity. Never send a gift back to the gift giver, especially after a year. It is an insult and an exhibition of one’s relaxed etiquette standards.

Dear Mrs. Tobin: My daughter and son-in-law have been married a year and they recently took up the Mormon faith. One of my friends wrote and told me the beautiful crystal ash tray she sent them for a wedding gift had been returned to her along with a note explaining that they no longer had any need for such an item. Another friend had an electric percolator returned with the same message. Although I'm proud of the children I don’t feel they are handling the situation properly. Will you express your views, please? – Mrs. S. 

Dear Mrs. S.: To return any gift at any time, simply because one can no longer use it, is a breach of etiquette. And a year later? Really! The Goodwill is happy to receive unwanted merchandise. – By Riv Tobin, Copley News Service, 1975

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Bowling

There is a lot more to bowling than just the felling of bouncey chunks of maple. There are specific rules of etiquette. For example, violating certain good manners in bowling is an excellent way to lose friends, as well as taking some of the pleasure out of the game for fellow bowlers.

The Wonderful World of Bowling

Nearly everybody can bowl, and nearly everyone does. Being a pro is within the reach of everyone, but not all can grasp it firmly enough to attain stardom as is evidenced by the fact that a great majority of the nation's untold millions of bowlers average under 160.

There is a lot more to bowling than just the felling of bouncey chunks of maple. There are specific rules of etiquette. For example, violating certain good manners in bowling is an excellent way to lose friends, as well as taking some of the pleasure out of the game for fellow bowlers. 

The following cardinal rules of etiquette are an integral part of proper bowling:

• Don't interfere in any way with a bowler who has taken his stance on an adjoining lane. 
• If he is addressing the pins, don't do anything that might distract him. 
• Don't start when he starts and race him to the foul-line.
• If he is ready to deliver his ball, give him the go ahead and stand completely clear.
• Never step in front of him, or go after a ball on the ball return when he's primed to go, or gesture or yell in any way that might upset his concentration.
• When you have delivered your ball, walk back and out of the way of other bowlers.
• Don't remain on the runway or at the foul-line. 
• Use only your own approach path.
• Stay off other portions of the runway.
• Never try to remedy sticky or slippery runways by applying what you think are counteractive substances.
• Never use chalk or powder. 
• If you have to use something, get some steel wool from the manager or counterman and rub it on the slide area with your foot. — By Red Pfeiffer, 1966

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of the Gilded Age Dinner Party

When the party is assembled, the mistress or master of the house will point out to each gentleman the lady whom he is to conduct to the table.

To be acquainted with every detail of the etiquette pertaining lo this subject is of the highest importance to every lady.

Ease, savoir-faire, and good-breeding are nowhere more indispensable than at the dinner-table, and the absence of them is nowhere more apparent. How to eat soup and what to do with a cherry-stone are weighty considerations when taken as the index of social status; and it is not too much to say, that a young woman who elected to take claret with her fish, or ate peas with her knife, would justly risk the punishment of being banished from good society.

An invitation to dinner should be replied to immediately and unequivocally accepted or declined. Once accepted, nothing but an event of the last importance should cause you lo fail in your engagement.

To be exactly punctual is the strictest politeness on these occasions. If you are too early, you are in the way; if too late you spoil the dinner, annoy the hostess, and are hated by the rest of the guests. Some authorities are even of opinion that in the question of a dinner-party "never" is better than "late"; and one author has gone so far as to say, “if you do not reach the house till dinner is served, you had better retire, and send an apology, and not interrupt the harmony of the courses by awkward excuses and cold acceptance.”

When the party is assembled, the mistress or master of the house will point out to each gentleman the lady whom he is to conduct to the table. — From Collier’s Cyclopedia of Social and Commercial Information, 1882

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia