Placemats and Dessert Utensil Etiquette

A formal setting with the dessert utensils set vertically and in order, after the utensils for the meal. Dessert utensils can be preset, horizontally above the place setting, or in order with the other utensils vertically, or brought in with the dessert plates and finger bowls. –Table Mats, or as they are known now, “Placemats,” are only used on bare tables, never upon tablecloths.

Table mats are no longer used in houses, either at luncheon or at dinner. Dishes should be well wiped with a coarse towel before being put upon the table. Menu cards are not ever used at luncheon. – San Diego Daily Bee, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Civility and Being Agreeable

A genuine smile is always agreeable! – “The presence of an agreeable person is like a ray of sunshine that warms everything on which it falls.”

Civility has been likened to an air cushion —possessing no tangible substance, yet serving to ease the jolts we encounter in passing through life. To say that a person is civil does not imply that he is agreeable, yet civility is the next step to being agreeable. While wonders may be accomplished by being civil and agreeable, nothing can be gained by incivility. 

Manners make the man or woman. The presence of an agreeable person is like a ray of sunshine that warms everything on which it falls, while a disagreeable person will chill the pleasantest company ever assembled, and it is one of those mysteries that can never be solved why such a one is permitted to flourish. - The San Diego Daily Bee, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Trend for Napkins of 1887

Napkins are now seldom folded into fanciful shapes except at hotels. This fashion requires the manipulation of a damp napkin by hands not always fresh, and is repugnant to dainty and sensitive people. 

The napkin may be laid flat upon the plate with a piece of bread under the corner on which the monogram or initial is embroidered. – The San Diego Daily Bee, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Etiquette of Gilded Age Calls

A Gilded Age breakfast setting. These settings show a breakfast table set for several courses. – “Invitations to a breakfast require an immediate acknowledgment, and a call within ten days after the entertainment.”

After an invitation to a dinner, a call mast be paid within a week. At breakfast, even in the most orderly household, an amount of freedom is indulged which would be unjustifiable at any other meal. Each may rise and leave the table, after a courteous excuse, whenever business or pleasure dictates, and without waiting for all to rise or for a signal from the hostess. 

At luncheons, walking or carriage costumes are worn and bonnets may be retained; the gloves are removed at the table. Ladies should arrive twenty or thirty minutes before the hour named for luncheon, and it is polite to take leave within fifteen minutes after leaving the dining room. An invitation to a ceremonious luncheon requires as prompt attention as one to a dinner, and whether accepted or not, a call must be made within a week, or upon the first reception day of the hostess. 

Invitations to a breakfast require an immediate acknowledgment, and a call within ten days after the entertainment. After returning to the drawing room, guests depart within half an hour.—Housekeepers’ Weekly, 1893

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Visiting Etiquette in Japan

Ignorance of Oriental etiquette sometimes leads to awkward situations in fashionable quarters. Lately the English lady received a morning call from a Japanese gentleman, who, instead of making his first visit very brief, as she expected, stayed to luncheon. After lunch he still stayed on, while the lady grew extremely weary of her visitor, and every minute expected him to leave. Dinner came; the Japanese man was still a fixture, and the host took his turn at entertainment till he was so tired that he retired to the smoking-room and left his wife in charge. At last, just at midnight, the Japanese man departed, with most abject and elaborate apologies for quitting his hostess. Next day he confided to a friend that he had never passed through such an ordeal. According to Japanese etiquette, the lady receiving the gentleman should give the signal for his departure, so he thought she would never let him go, and finally he had to leave without her permission. – Hanford Journal, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sentenced to Teaching Etiquette

“I was well raised. Among other things, I learned not to eat without a fork. Thoughtless persons frequently hand food out of the kitchen, but forget the fork.”

                                 

Gilded Age Etiquette Humor or Why He Stole a Fork...

• Judge—You are accused of stealing. You went to this man’s house and asked for a bite to eat. It was given you and you put a silver fork in your pocket. Is this true? 
• Prisoner—All true, Your Honor. But hearken, I am no common thief. I was forced by a sense of duty to society to take the fork. May I explain? 
• Judge—You may. 
• Prisoner — I was well raised. Among other things, I learned not to eat without a fork. Thoughtless persons frequently hand food out of the kitchen, but forget the fork. It was to protect myself from outraging social usages that I took one. Is the explanation satisfactory? 
• Judge—Yes. You may instruct the county prisoners in etiquette for thirty days. – Omaha Herald, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Napkin Usage

The napkin has played famous parts in the fortunes of men and women. It was one of the points admired in Marie Stuart that, thanks to her exquisite breeding in the court of Marie de Medici, her table was more imposing than the full court of her great rival and executioner, Elizabeth. 

How to Use Your Napkin at Dinner

The law of the napkin is but vaguely understood. One of our esteemed metropolitan contemporaries informs an eager inquirer that it is bad form to fold the napkin after dinner; that the proper thing is to throw it with negligent disregard on the table beside the plate, as to fold it would be a reflection on the host, and imply a familiarity that would not befit an invited guest. But the thoughtful reader will agree with us that this studied disorder is likely to be a good deal more trying to a fastidious hostess than an unstudied replacing of the napkin in good order beside the visitor’s plate. 

The proper thing is to fold the fabric with unostentatious care and lay it on the left of the plate far from the liquids, liqueurs, and coffee, and thus testify to the hostess that her care in preparing the table has been appreciated. The truth is, luxury and invention push table appliances so far that few can be expected to know the particular convention that may be considered good form in any diversified society. The way for a young fellow to do is to keep his eye open—which, unless he is in love, he can do—and note what others do. —Philadelphia Press, 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Place Setting Competition Update

Special Announcement: 

Due to the volume of DMs (direct messages) we’ve received from people who want to enter the place setting competition, but feel they can’t possibly do the themes justice or rise to the challenge because of continued Covid restrictions in their locales, we have decided to make the necessary revisions.

We have updated rules and added two weeks to the clock. During Covid lockdowns especially, people need the extra time. So we are dropping the themes, categories and menus for a reset! 

You now have two more weeks to send in your best place setting. There are no longer categories, either. Just send your best photo of your place setting and one of you with your setting, to theetiquettechannel@gmail.com and we will judge from those! Any questions? Email us. Good luck!

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia