Medieval French Table Manners

Mirth and Gladness lead a Dance in this miniature from a manuscript of “The Roman de la Rose,” in the Bodleian Library – (image, public domain)

A famous French poem from the 13th Century, “The Roman de la Rose,” gives advice regarding a woman’s table manners. 

“She ought also to behave properly at table...

• She must be very careful not to dip her fingers in the sauce up to the knuckles, nor to smear her lips with soup or garlic or fat meat, nor to take too many pieces or too large a piece and put them in her mouth. 
• She must hold the morsel with the tips of her fingers and dip it into the sauce, whether it be thick, thin, or clear, then convey the mouthful with care, so that no drop of soup or sauce or pepper falls on to her chest. 
• When drinking, she should exercise such care that not a drop is spilled upon her, for anyone who saw that happen might think her very rude and coarse. 
• And she must be sure never to touch her goblet when there is anything in her mouth. Let her wipe her mouth so clean that no grease is allowed to remain upon it, at least not upon her upper lip, for when grease is left on the upper lip, globules appear in the wine, which is neither pretty nor nice.”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Elizabethan Osculation Etiquette

If we saw all the partners kissing at the close of the dance we should understand at once that Romeo’s kiss is not “unmannerly,” as it certainly now appears to us. It may be objected that a modern audience would be shocked by such an unlimited and promiscuous quantity of kissing. But I do not think that it would be the case if the business were properly managed.

More Freedom of Manners Than is Now Tolerated

(Earl Lytton in Nineteenth Century)

In one of the letters written by him from England in the reign of Henry VIII, Erasmus dwells with immense relish on the English custom of kissing ladies at first meeting them, and describes the custom as delightful, because maidens as well as matrons kissed all visitors, both when they came and went. One of the courtesies appertaining to this usage was that partners kissed at the close of a dance. Thus the King in Shakespeare’s “Henry VIII,” (act I, scene iv,) when he sees Annie Bullon for the first time and dances with her, says to the lady as soon as the dance is over:

“It were unmannerly to take you out 

And not to kiss you.” (kisses her.)

Manifestly, this custom familiar to an Elizabethan audience, is assumed, though not expressly indicated, in the dancing scene in “Romeo and Juliet.” If we saw all the partners kissing at the close of the dance we should understand at once that Romeo’s kiss is not “unmannerly,” as it certainly now appears to us. It may be objected that a modern audience would be shocked by such an unlimited and promiscuous quantity of kissing. But I do not think that it would be the case if the business were properly managed. The dancing is of a more or less stately character. The general salute at the end of it would be equally ceremonious. The special character of Romeo’s action would then be felt in its right relation to all that is going on around him. 

For he has no express title to kiss Juliet, since he is not a recognized visitor, but an intruder and an enemy. Neither can he claim the privilege of a partner, for he has not danced with her. But under the cover of a prevailing usage, and the general kissing that is going on all round him, he approaches Juliet with the devout reverence appropriate to her assumed character, and craves permission to pay a holy palmer’s homage to the shrine of his devotion. This is demanded by the true spirit of the scene, which, under these conditions (but these only) becomes graceful and poetic. The kissing between all the partners at the end of the dance leads naturally up to the kissing between Romeo and Juliet; and, instead of Romeo's first greeting of Juliet being marked by a vulgar familiarity, it takes the character of a peculiarly deferential homage. – Daily Alta, 1885

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Manners and Morals Watchdogs

1930’s photo of young man in Paris, eyeing a mannequin in lingerie... “Vice is overindulgence. Drinking too much water can be a vicious habit. Sex is only vicious when it is commercialized.” – Morals Watchdog, S. Sumner, secretary of the Society for the Suppression of Vice  (photo source, Pinterest) 

One of the most curious aspects of civilization, dating back for thousands of years, is the appeal of the “dirty,” or pornography. Different things have been held immoral at different times. What were ordinary topics of conversation in Elizabethan times are today considered obscene, and some of the ordinary aspects of modern life would have shocked those gusty old-timers considerably. Fashions in obscenity change just as do fashions in houses, clothes or manners, except that they take longer. Just why something should be considered bad at one time and not another, is hard to say. 

To early peoples things existed or were not thought about; there was no conception of anything as obscene. That was an invention of civilization, and a sad commentary on the civilized mind. One of the curious phenomena about the matter is the development of the watchdogs of our morals, who form societies, organizations and the like. While such constant preoccupation with obscenity and vice seems strange to the average person, there is no doubt that they do considerable good in keeping the law enforcement agencies on their toes in protecting our children from commercial pornography. 

S. Sumner, secretary of the Society for the Suppression of Vice, is an outstanding example. He approaches the problem from the legal viewpoint rather than the moral, and hence gets remarkable results. “Vice is overindulgence,” according to Sumner. “Drinking too much water can be a vicious habit. Sex is only vicious when it is commercialized.” One question usually embarrasses him, and that is what the effect of investigating so much that is “dirty” has been on him. Obviously, if it hasn’t affected him, then a morals censor is not needed, and if it has, he is no man for the job. But he is a good man for the job, as his record of convictions attest. Nobody wishes to prepare for war. But next thing, there may not he anybody to hold the cyclone till we get a cellar dug. - San Pedro News Pilot, 1938

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Elizabethan Etiquette and Gallants

Clothing as Status Symbols – Clothing quality and decorations could easily show a man’s social class. Cloth made of certain colors, with gold or silver, made of satin, or including furs indicated a person could afford such apparel. The upper class was the only one with access to velvets, satin, furs, cottons, taffeta, lace, and other ‘rare’ fabrics. Rich and bright colors often cost a considerable amount for dyeing and importation. In 1574, Queen Elizabeth issued proclamations about clothing allowed according to social rank. The rules were comprehensive and very specific. Some examples of information released in the queen’s proclamations include: The eldest son of a knight was allowed to wear velvet doublets and hose, younger brothers could not. No one below the rank of knight could wear silk long stockings or velvet undergarments. Gold was only allowed to be worn by barons and others of higher ranking. Violation of these laws carried penalties like fines, loss of property, or even loss of title. – Source, LovetoKnow.com

An English Gallant...

He Was Very Gorgeous in the Elizabethan Days 

Glancing across the surface of everyday life in the Elizabethan days of robust manhood, it is interesting to notice the lively, childlike simplicity of manners, the love of showy, brilliant colors worn by both sexes, and to compare these charming characteristics with the sober habiliments and reserved manners of the present day, says the Nineteenth Century. Here is an example of the man of fashion, the beau-ideal of the metropolis, as he sallies forth into the city to parade himself in the favorite mart of fashionable loungers, St. Paul's churchyard. His beard, if he have one, is on the wane, but his mustaches are cultivated and curled at the points, and himself redolent with choicest perfumes. 

Costly jewels decorate his ears; a gold brooch of rarest workmanship fastens his bright scarlet cloak, which is thrown carelessly upon his left shoulder, for he is most anxious to exhibit to the utmost advantage, the rich hatchings of his silver-hilted rapier and dagger, the exquisite cut of his doublets (shorn of its skirts) and trunk hose. His hair, cropped close from the top of the head down the back, hangs in long love-looks on the sides. His hat, which was then really new in the country, having supplanted the woolen cap or hood is thrown jauntily on one side; it is high and tapering toward the crown and has a band around it, richly adorned with precious stones, or by goldsmith's work, and this gives support to one of the finest of plumes. – Los Angeles Herald, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Of French Manners and Customs

Professor Barrett Wendell‘s scholarship has been shown in his college lectures and in noteworthy books– “English Composition,” “Life of Cotton Mather” and “Shakespeare, a Study in Elizabethan Literature.” It may be added that Professor Wendell will deliver two courses of lectures at the University of California, one on Elizabethan literature and the other on English composition.

Society in France

Professor Barrett Wendell, who was the first American lecturer at the French Universities, will have in the April Scribner, a discussion of “The Structure of Society in France.” It gives an account of French manners and customs, and the reasons for them. Professor Wendell’s point of view is that of a sympathetic admirer of the French people. 

He says: “The more you see of the French, the more deeply you are impressed not only with the general regularity of their lives, but with the surprising fact that this general regularity seems to have a very strong hold on their affections.” – San Francisco Call, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

The Secret of Good Manners

“My girls will never get on without conventional manners. They shall be taught from babyhood, to emulate the speech and bearing of ladies. They shall be instructed in the proper behavior for every occasion. They shall walk and dance and write and speak with graceful perfection.”

Most mothers hold, consciously or unconsciously, one of two theories about children. One mother says: “Manners are only the outward sign of the inner nature. If my daughter has a kind heart and a well-trained mind she will behave in a gentle, charming fashion. I will teach her compassion, respect for age, unselfish zeal for helping with the world’s work. Her manners will take care of themselves.” Another mother says: “My girls will never get on without conventional manners. They shall be taught from babyhood, to emulate the speech and bearing of ladies. They shall be instructed in the proper behavior for every occasion. They shall walk and dance and write and speak with graceful perfection.” Neither method, says the Youth’s Companion, produces altogether satisfactory results. Unselfishness is truly the foundation of good manners, but not the superstructure. 

Many conventional restrictions have grown about social relations. Some can be explained by the demand of kindness and some can not. Could a child infer from his desire to help others, that he should not eat with his knife? Many offenses against good taste interfere in some way with the rights of others, but many others do not. Still, no set of rules to produce a polished lady, will achieve a result fit for the strain of life. The members of the French boarding school may adorn the ballroom, but are too likely to fail at the breakfast table or in the crowded car. The woman of perfect manners must re-enforce her unselfishness by social rules, and conventionality must be vitalized by the warm desire of others’ pleasure. The best of life never comes naturally, whether in manners or morals. The secret of charming manners is the desire for them. When the mother wishes them for her daughter as much is she wishes the other gods of the world, her daughter will have them. – San Pedro Daily News, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

White House Etiquette and Teas

Ida Saxton McKinley was the wife of the 25th U.S. President, William McKinley

White House etiquette permits that Mrs. McKinley hold informal receptions on Saturday afternoons. The President is not in evidence at the pleasant gatherings, nor do the cabinet ladies assist as at more stately functions. During her long residence in Washington as a congressman's wife, Mrs. McKinley made many friends outside the exclusive circle to which she is now largely confined. Many of these old acquaintances drink tea with the “first lady in the land” at the Saturday afternoon receptions. – Los Angeles Herald, 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Gift Giving Etiquette

Silver novelty items, like glove menders, in Delineator Magazine – Possibly the newest and most flatteringly individual of tricks a belle can bestow, is the pocket or toilet table glove mender. It is a round heavy silver ring, two inches and a half in diameter, having the man's full name and the date of its presentation engraved on its polished surface. Two dozen or more strands of vari-colored sewing silks are then looped over the ring and plaited in a gay braid. Next, a pair of tiny scissors are dependent from the silver bar by lengths of narrow blue ribbon. A big bow of very much wider ribbon, of the same shade, has one loop cunningly fashioned into a miniature button bag, the other furnished with a pocket for the silver thimble, while both ends are utilized as needle cases.

For Your Bachelor Friends...

What Young Women May Give to Men for Christmas or Birthday Gifts

Girls who have been the recipients of numerous attentions from their men friends are no longer called upon to suffer the uncertainties that formerly beset them when the time comes to testify appreciation with small souvenirs, presented at Christmas or on birthdays. It used to be a serious matter to think up suitable gifts for a man. If one happened to achieve popularity with the fair sex, his ingenuity was severely taxed to know what exposition to make of the scores of shaving sets, slippers, mouchoir cases and pen wipers that threatened to deluge him. 

Some years ago, after the death of a famous physician, his wife, in looking over his effects, counted thirty odd embroidered smoking caps sent by his feminine admirers, together with unlimited useless needlework her husband had never even removed from their original wrappings. With much tact the lady gave the entire lot to a fancy charity bazar going on in the town at the time. But men have changed, and their necessities are tenfold more complex than of old. For instance, the bachelors, those who live in apartments, they are grateful for almost any little trifle that adds to the luxury of their menage. Nearly all of them do a bit of perfunctory housekeeping, and give afternoon teas in their chambers during the season. In the glass corner cupboards fitted into the wall, they are therefore happy to add dainty teacups and decorated plates to their carefully selected stock of china. 

Silk tea cosies, embroidered doylies, divan pillows and prettily outlined tray cloths are among the inexpensive presents a young woman may give with propriety. If the friendship is of long standing, or the obligations on her side are many and heavy, a piece of silver may be warranted. Then her selection of gifts is vastly extended. She may choose a fat repousse cream jug, a hammered silver sugar bowl, an engraved dish for bonbons or tea-leaves; or, again, from the miscellaneous counter where silver ink-stands, loving cups, picture frames and candlesticks are sold, a choice bit of Doulton, or a cut crystal flower bowl, is admissible under the circumstances named, but the lady should always make sure that her offering is suggestive of the daintiness of its feminine donor. Costliness is no longer prohibited in an exchange of gifts, but etiquette that dictates in such matters is quite as stringent as to the style of presents men and women give each other. It is not a bad idea for those women who have been entertained on yachts to bear in mind the keen appreciation with which the captain receives pretty trifles intended to add to the interior beauty of his boat. An embroidered deck cushion, a gay afghan, a silk and lace shade to temper the cabin lamps, are all useful and acceptable. 

But possibly the newest and most flatteringly individual of tricks a belle can bestow, is the pocket or toilet table glove mender. It is a round heavy silver ring, two inches and a half in diameter, having the man's full name and the date of its presentation engraved on its polished surface. Two dozen or more strands of vari-colored sewing silks are then looped over the ring and plaited in a gay braid. Next, a pair of tiny scissors are dependent from the silver bar by lengths of narrow blue ribbon. A big bow of very much wider ribbon, of the same shade, has one loop cunningly fashioned into a miniature button bag, the other furnished with a pocket for the silver thimble, while both ends are utilized as needle cases. Nothing could be more complete, and never will the bachelor bless his woman friend so fervently as when, in a tearing hurry, the little mender bobs up to supply his impatient needs.—New York Sun, 1890

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia