Victoria's Victorian Etiquette

The Belgian Queen whispered to her son who was present, to pour out a glass of water and offer it to the Queen; this being done, it was graciously accepted, the act being, etiquette would not allow her Majesty to pour out a glass of water for her self when a servant was present! — Château d'Eu in Eu, Seine-Maritime, France

The Queen Can Never Go Shopping!

What belle of Chestnut street will envy her Majesty when she knows the fact, that according to royal etiquette, a Queen cannot speak to a tradesman! A late work says: "Victoria has been standing not a yard away from one, addressing all her inquiries to an equerry, who repeated them to a tradesman, and again repeated to her Majesty all his answer.” And the writer gives the additional information that the Queen must die of thirst rather than pour out a glass of water for herself!

“When on a visit to the royal family of France, at Eu, the Queen of Belgium had been told that her Majesty of England took, every morning at ten o'clock, a glass of iced water. Accordingly, on the day after her arrival, a servant duly made his appearance at the appointed hour, bearing on a silver salver, a carafe and two glasses, which he tendered to the sovereign, who declined the refreshments with a wave of her hand. The Belgian Queen seeing this, whispered to her son who was present, to pour out a glass of water and offer it to the Queen; this being done, it was graciously accepted, the act being, etiquette would not allow her Majesty to pour out a glass of water for her self when a servant was present!”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Invitation Responses

Send a note of congratulation to the bride elect, expressing the hope that she will have every happiness in her married life.

An Etiquette Query...  S. from San Leandro writes, "I just received an invitation to a church wedding out of town, but am not able to attend. Is it proper to write a note of regret, and should it be sent right after, or should I wait until a few days before the wedding? Should I send a letter of congratulation to the bride in addition to sending a present?"


By all means, send a note of regret at inability to be present at the wedding. Also send a note of congratulation to the bride elect, expressing the hope that she will have every happiness in her married life. A wedding present should be sent as soon as possible after notice of the wedding. – San Francisco Call, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Whisper Etiquette

Whispering in public meetings, changing seats, leaving before the service is ended, are violations of the science of etiquette. 

Whispering Etiquette

We copy the following sensible remarks from the Berlin Messenger: 

"Those young gentlemen in the habit of whispering in church or public meeting must quit it — it won't do. Ladies may be excusable, but gentlemen cannot. Whispering in public meetings, changing seats, leaving before the service is ended, are violations of the science of etiquette. There are no doubt some exceptions, but this is the general rule and should not be violated except in the case of necessity. So let's hear no more whispering in 'meetin'." — New York Times, 1853

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Coffee Etiquette in Japan

“That’s for the sugar... The handle starts on the left so the customer can hold the cup steady with the left hand while stirring in sugar with the right. Once that’s done, the customer turns the handle clockwise, around the top, so the handle is easy to pick up with the right hand. That’s how we taught customers to drink their coffee.” — Japan coffee shop owner, Yasumi Yamabe

Coffee was hardly an everyday drink when Yasumi Yamabe started his career in the early postwar years. “Oh, coffee was still very much a luxury item then,” he confirmed. “A cup would set you back ¥50 when a portion of oden (stewed foods) or oshiruko (sweet red-bean soup) cost only ¥5. Most people weren’t familiar with coffee, so we had to educate them. Almost everyone in those days took their coffee with cream and sugar.”

No one knows exactly when coffee was introduced to Japan, but the first beans were probably brought in by 17th-century Dutch traders for their own use at their trading post at Dejima, near Nagasaki. Contact with foreigners was strictly limited, so if any Japanese were able to sample their coffee, it would have only been the few merchants, translators and prostitutes allowed to visit Dejima. 

The oldest known account of a Japanese drinking coffee was written in 1804, in which a man named Shokusanjin Ota described boarding a foreign ship and being served a drink called “kauhii.” It tasted quite unpleasant, he said, and was made by mixing sugar into water with a powder of roasted beans.

Formal imports of coffee began in 1858, and the first Japanese coffeehouse of record, the Kahiichakan in Tokyo, is said to have opened in 1888. Drinking coffee became fashionable among the intelligentsia and the upper middle class, but remained something of a rarity. 

Imports were halted in 1944, during the war, as coffee was branded both a zeitakuhin (extravagance) and a tekikoku inryō(enemy drink). It wasn’t until after the war, and the liberalization of imports in 1960, that Japan got on its way to becoming a major coffee-drinking nation. Today Japan is the third largest importer of coffee, after the United States and Germany.

At the All Japan Coffee Association, executive director Toyohide Nishino responded to the question of why the spoons are placed where they are when coffee is served in Japan. “Very often the inquiry comes from the executive offices of a large company, with the caller saying something like, ‘Our chairman is particular about manners and wants to make sure we’re doing it right.’ But actually there is no single accepted way to serve coffee in Japan.”

Even in the coffee industry, companies serve guests differently. Visitors to UCC (Ueshima Coffee Co., Ltd.) headquarters in Kobe get their coffee with the handle on the left, while at Key Coffee, in Tokyo, the handle is on the right.

Some hypothesise​ about the tea ceremony, in which the cup is placed so its front, or decorated side, faces the guest so its beauty may be enjoyed. The guest, in turn, expresses humility by turning the cup before drinking so as not to place one’s lips on the most beautiful part of the vessel. Nishino found the idea interesting, but concurred with Yamabe that having the handle on the left is for convenience when adding sugar. He noted that coffee shops used to offer kakuzatō (sugar cubes), which take more effort to stir into coffee than today’s standard of granulated sugar.

The oldest reference found was in a 1922 book titled “Seiyo-ryori no Tadashii Tabekata” (“The Correct Way to Eat Western Food”). In somewhat archaic language, Kaneko Tezuka, who was a professor at Japan Women’s University, wrote that when coffee is offered after a meal it should be served in small chawan (cups) with the totte (handle) turned to the left and the saji (spoon) placed in front. Unfortunately, Tezuka didn’t offer a reason for this placement, nor did she speak to its origins.

In any case, the orientation of the coffee-cup handle may well become moot as tastes and consumption patterns change. Today, taking coffee burakku (“black,” without milk or sugar) is the most common preference, practiced by 38.3% of Japanese coffee drinkers. In addition, there is a clear shift away from genteel service and toward take-out, with convenience stores grabbing a growing share of the coffee market. Seven-Eleven, which offers self-serve coffee for just ¥100, expects to sell a whopping 700 million cups this fiscal year — and in disposable cups with no handle at all. — From the Japan Times, 2013

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Austrian Kitchen Etiquette

One of the most famous Viennese culinary specialties, Sachertorte is a specific type of chocolate cake, or torte, invented by Austrian Franz Sacher in 1832 for Prince Wenzel von Metternich in Vienna, Austria.

According to the Motel Mail, every Lady of station in Austria knows how to cook. They do not learn the art at regular cooking clubs or at home, but they go to the house of a Prince, or a rich banker, where there is a famous Chef, and learn from him.

When a Chef engages to cook for any one he reserves the right to receive and instruct as many young ladies as be pleases​. When a banquet is to be given he notifies his pupils, and they come to watch the process, without necessarily knowing the Mistress of the house. At this time it would be a great breach of etiquette for any member of the family to trespass upon the Cook and his department. — Los Angeles Herald, 1881

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Li Hongzhang

Li Hongzhang was the leading Chinese diplomat of the late Qing era and 19th century. The article below describes his meeting Queen Victoria.

She was, in fact, every inch a Queen. Never under any circumstances did she permit any relaxation of the rigid etiquette of the Court, not even to the changing of a feather in the headdress of a Debutante of the highest rank and the bluest of blue blood; not even to the changing of a button on the uniform of the Prince of Wales, her son, and heir to her throne. Her experience of Orientals and their ceremonies saved her from even making the slightest lapsus in dealing with them. 

During Li Hongzhang's tour through Europe, he was received with courteous empressement by the other rulers whose Courts he visited. Each and all made the gross mistake of shaking hands with him and treating him almost as an equal. When the Viceroy was ushered into Victoria's presence chamber she remained seated, wrapped in the Imperial dignity that has awed mightier men than he. The intelligent celestial grasped his position at once. He groveled to the British Empress-Queen as he would have to his master, or the Dowager Empress, and when the interview was over and he had bowed himself out backward, he, deeply impressed, remarked to his entourage: "Her Majesty is the only real Monarch of them all." — Los Angeles Herald, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Universal Space Etiquette

Long before the International Space Station and American astronauts walked on the moon, on April 9, 1956 NASA unveiled America's first seven astronauts who would later make space-faring history. - Special thanks to eagle-eyed reader Kevin... This photo is actually from 1962.

Scientists Urge Laws to Govern "Universal Man"

ROME —A conference of world scientists called today for a new set of laws to govern the conduct of man if, and when, he conquers the universe. Problems of 'space etiquette' highlighted the second day of the seventh International Astronautics Congress meeting here. 

The main themes were discussed by chief U.S. Delegate Andrew G. Haley, President of the American Rocket Society, and A A. Cocca of Argentina. Haley argued that man may eventually be forced to conquer outer space because the physical resources of the earth are limited. Cocca discussed jurisdictional problems involving the right of possession of territory occupied by space explorers. – Desert Sun, 1956

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Carreño's Manual

    Manuel Antonio Carreño Muñoz was a Venezuelan musician, teacher and diplomat, was well known in the Spanish speaking world, during the 19th century— “Etiquette Book to Be Given Governor : University students today raised a fund to buy Gov. Gen. Robert H. Gore a copy of ‘Carreño's Manual,’ written by the ‘Spanish Emily Post.’ The students held the governor needed a course in Spanish courtesy because he refused to receive a delegation which wanted to protest the appointment of a trustee. Contributions were limited to four cents. The book is used widely in Spanish countries.” — United Press, San Juan, Puerto Rico, Sept. 30. 1933

In 1853, Manuel Antonio Carreño Muñoz wrote the Manual of Urbanity and Good Manners, for which he received great recognition and fame. This manual had a great repercussion on a global level, to the point that it was approved to be taught in elementary schools in Spain. So this 1853 work was used as a text since the beginning, not only in Spain but in other Spanish-speaking countries as well. 

An important book, it was directed towards children of both sexes in a time where education was almost exclusively for boys and the more powerful social classes. The book elaborates on the moral and religious standards that were so important in the 19th century, that, evidently, had already been lost due to the long period of time that had passed. 

In referring to courtesy and good manners, one has to remember that, even though it may appear an exaggeration, this book exercised an enormous influence in educated Venezuelan society for many generations and even today, some of these standards are easily identifiable to foreigners who have recently arrived to the country, all from a European origin.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia