Etiquette of D.C.’s Court Society

Official, fashionable functions in Washington have of late years, assumed much of the nature of court life at Old World capitals, and, to that extent, Washington society is officially “The Society” of the country.  For that reason, largely, many wealthy people of the United States are building palatial homes at the national capital, with the hope of getting admission into the official Four Hundred.The fact that the diplomatic corps contains many titled Europeans, and that the general social and diplomatic standing of the corps has been gradually rising of late years, through the evolution of young Ministers to Embassadorial rank, and the enlargement of their embassies, together with the desire, born not so many years ago, of leading diplomats of the world to serve at Washington, has tended to increase the importance of the capital's official society.

Young newspaper woman becomes Social Secretary to the wife of Vice President Fairbanks

One of the most important women in Washington to-day is Miss Margaret Wade, who has recently been appointed social secretary to Mrs. Fairbanks, wife of the Vice President. To those unfamiliar with social life at the national capital— and every year Washington is growing more and more to be the social center and inspiration of the country— such an announcement may seem strange, says the Philadelphia North American. One, however, has only to bear in mind the fact that official, fashionable functions in Washington have of late years, assumed much of the nature of court life at Old World capitals, and, to that extent, Washington society is officially “The Society” of the country.  

For that reason, largely, many wealthy people of the United States are building palatial homes at the national capital, with the hope of getting admission into the official Four Hundred. The fact that the diplomatic corps contains many titled Europeans, and that the general social and diplomatic standing of the corps has been gradually rising of late years, through the evolution of young Ministers to Embassadorial rank, and the enlargement of their embassies, together with the desire, born not so many years ago, of leading diplomats of the world to serve at Washington, has tended to increase the importance of the capital's official society. In this, naturally, the wife of the Vice President, next to the wife of the President, is the leader. These two women are arbiters, in a large degree, of the social fate of aspiring Washingtonians, and of people from other-parts of the country, who seek entree into “court life.”

Mrs. Fairbanks is expected to entertain considerably during the term of her husband. It is of vast importance, therefore, that social aspirants have their names upon her list, not only for the privilege and pleasure of attending the functions given by her, but because the stamp of her approval is necessary as a qualification to the ranks of official fashion. But, once in a generation has the Vice Presidency afforded to its occupant's wife the full privileges and social powers that attend the exalted position. For that reason alone, Mrs. Fairbanks has an exceptional opportunity before her. Many Washingtonians still remember with pleasure the quiet elegance of Mrs. Levi P. Morton's entertainments and the charming atmosphere of the Morton home.

For the short time during which she was the second lady of the land, Mrs. Garret A. Hobart worthily met all the traditions and responsibilities that centered about her position, but Vice President Hobart's career, was cut short by death. Mrs. Roosevelt was wife of a Vice President only about six months, and during the season of the year when social festivities are usually relaxed. Vice President Stevenson was not an elaborate entertainer. Mr. Hendricks, like Mr. Hobart, died in office. Vice President Arthur was a widower, but had there been a Mrs. Arthur, her social reign as a wife of the second highest official would have been almost the counterpart of Mrs. Roosevelt's experience. 

Upon Miss Wade, therefore, as social secretary to Mrs. Fairbanks, will devolve important duties that are almost without precedent within the memory of the present generation. In the first place, she must pass upon the eligibility of every aspirant to position upon Mrs. Fairbanks’ visiting list, because the wife of the Vice President will leave almost everything to her judgment. Miss Wade must, and does, thoroughly understand all the intricate questions of procedure and precedent. She knows who should be invited to various functions, how guests should be seated at table, and all the other niceties of “court life.” For, after all, even in republican America, official life at Washington is largely a replica of that at European courts.

This important and busy young lady is a native of Pennsylvania, having been born at Elizabethtown, in the northern part of Lancaster County. Ten years ago, she went to Washington and experienced splendid training for her present position as social editor of a leading capital newspaper for several years. She has also traveled extensively abroad, and is well acquainted with social etiquette in foreign countries. It is understood that Miss Wade has literary aspirations, and hopes in time to be able to devote herself to writing fiction. She is also intensely interested In the study of social economy, which accounts for her having been one of the few women jurors in that division at the Louisiana Purchase Exposition, where she served as secretary of the group dealing with the betterment of working women, of which the only other woman juror was the Countess of Aberdeen. — San Francisco Call, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Corporate World Etiquette Tips

It is inappropriate to break the roll in half, butter it and eat it. Instead, break off bite-size pieces, butter them and eat them one at a time. — Photo, Etiquipedia’s private library

Business Etiquette and the Rule of Twelve

1. Rolls and bread are one of the few foods that can be eaten with your fingers, even at a formal meal. However, it is inappropriate to break the roll in half, butter it and eat it. Instead, break off bite-size pieces, butter them and eat them one at a time. 
2. Don't use a toothpick. If something is stuck in your teeth, try drinking a little water. If that doesn't work, head for the restroom. 
3. Ice cubes are not an edible part of a drink. Don't chew on them. 
4. Men should always wear undershirts under dress shirts. When wearing an open collar, make sure it is buttoned high enough, or wear a V-neck undershirt so that it doesn't show. 
5. Women should choose earrings that are simple, yet elegant, and should only wear one pair at a time. Men shouldn't wear earrings at all. 
6. At a social function, name stickers or badges should always be worn about 4 inches down from the right shoulder. The idea is that people are already reaching for each other's right hand when being introduced, and having the badge on the right makes it easier to spot a person by name. 
7. Avoid sending a fax to offer congratulations, thanks or sympathy. And don't bother sending your resume by fax unless you don't want the job. 
8. To make a good first impression, follow the Rule of 12: the first 12 words you speak should include some form of thanks; the first 12 steps you take should exude confidence; the first 12 inches from the top of your head down should be impeccably groomed; the last 12 inches, from shoes up, should be very well maintained. — Santa Cruz Sentinel, 2002

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dining Implements, Etiquette and More

“Here’s something your mother probably never warned you about: sauce knives. Looking like a flattened-out spoon, this tricky little utensil— also called a sauce spoon— sits with other knives on the right side of the plate, in wait to help drizzle sauce on, say, a bite of salmon that you’ve secured on your fish fork.” — Photo, Etiquipedia’s private library

The Ware and Tear of Formal Dining

Here’s something your mother probably never warned you about: sauce knives. Looking like a flattened-out spoon, this tricky little utensil— also called a sauce spoon— sits with other knives on the right side of the plate, in wait to help drizzle sauce on, say, a bite of salmon that you’ve secured on your fish fork.

If you can’t tell a fish fork from a pitchfork, take comfort in the fact that even the most cultured among us occasionally get flummoxed by an elegant table setting.

“Escargot clamps can be very challenging,” says Sean Loeffel, director of food and beverage at the Four Seasons Hotel, recalling the scene in “Pretty Woman” in which Julia Roberts accidentally catapults a garlicky mollusk across the room.

“I haven’t used an escargot clamp in probably 15 years,” he admits, “and I suspect there are many diners who would not be familiar with how to use it.”

Fortunately, even if you’re sitting down to a nine-course meal, you’ll probably only have to negotiate three courses’ worth of knives, forks and spoons at a time.

“Nine courses of silverware would be frightening, even for the most educated,” says Loeffel. “It also wouldn’t fit on the table. As a general rule, in order not to confuse the guest, servers never put out more than three courses of tableware at a time.”

Even so, as you sit down for that nine-course fete for, say, the queen mother herself, prepare to work your way through some 19 pieces of silverware over the course of the evening— or afternoon, when, according to the Tiffany sterling flatware catalog, you might come upon the afternoon teaspoon, as distinct from the teaspoon, ice cream spoon or coffee spoon.

But wait, there’s more. Those 19 pieces don’t include all the serving silverware shined up to parade past your table. Tiffany lists knives (cheese, bread, butter, cake), spoons (berry, sugar, salt, jelly, vegetable) and forks (lemon, olive and cold meat). Also making an appearance: ladles (gravy, punch and sauce), tongs (sugar, ice, asparagus), servers (flat, cheese, cake and butter) and possibly scissors (for grapes).

“Some chefs have a cunning sense of humor,” says Loeffel, who learned forks and spoons from his parents, who’d take him and his nine siblings out to breakfast— the least expensive restaurant meal— in order to teach table manners. “You’ll have a course where normally you’d use a knife and fork, and now some chefs are starting to serve a spoon with it as well, so the guest doesn’t miss out on the leftover sauce.”

And how would you know to use a spoon with your sauce? When in doubt, watch your host, says Loeffel. “We just did a luncheon where we served a coupe dish [that’s a sort of football-shaped, high-sided bowl for foods with hot sauces] and a spoon with it,” he says. “Everyone had their eye on the host so they knew what to do.”

In addition to keeping an eye on your host, other rules of culinary propriety include:

Work from the outside in. What your mother did tell you about silverware still applies. Start with the outside utensil and work your way in. The most common mistake is for diners to get rattled by the number of pieces of flatware and reach instinctively for the utensil closest to the plate. Don’t worry about the forks and spoons placed above your plate. They’re for dessert.

Knives and forks dine together. Even those secure in the knowledge that one should work from the outside in may still find it disconcerting to see seven pieces of silverware at their command. Know that for every fork at your place setting, you’ll also have a corresponding knife to your right. The spoon with the round bowl is most likely for soup (there are, however, different kinds of spoons depending on whether you’re served a cream soup [larger spoon] or bouillon). Pasta is often served with a fork and spoon to work that angel hair into a manageable bite.

Although Loeffel was brought up in the American style of putting the knife down and switching the fork to the right hand after cutting a piece of food, he says it is more correct to hold the knife and fork at the same time, one in each hand, as the Europeans do. “It makes more sense,” he says.

When you’re done with a course, place the knife and fork, handles facing out, at the 3 o’clock position on your plate. This will tell the server that you have finished eating.

Covet not thy neighbor’s bread plate. Or water glass. Or coffee cup. The bread plate is always to the left of a place setting. Glassware— water, wine, coffee cups and saucers— is always to the right.

According to Jill Cross, director of catering for the Beverly Hilton Hotel, one of the most common mistakes is for diners at a round table to assume control of the bread plate to their right instead of their rightful bread plate to the left. What happens next might best be termed a dining domino effect as everyone else at the table is forced to take the bread plate to their right. Unless, of course, a diner on the other side of the table has already staked out one to the left, which leaves someone without a bread plate altogether.

Another common dilemma: how to get butter from point A, the butter dish, to point B, your bread. Use the butter knife to retrieve a pat of butter as the dish is passed around the table. Place the butter on your bread plate, return the butter knife to the dish, then use your own knife to spread butter on your bread.

And if you do find yourself drawn into the who’s-got-my-bread-plate controversy, “adjust,” says Loeffel. “It’s not worth anyone getting embarrassed over it. Also, any server worth his weight will notice what’s happening and will adjust for you by bringing new silverware or another bread plate.” At their best, rules of table etiquette are designed for clarity, not one-upmanship. Consider, for example, the story credited to Queen Victoria, who, upon seeing an unsuspecting dinner guest pick up his finger bowl and drink from it, raised her own finger bowl to her lips and also drank. Taking her lead, the rest of the guests joined her.

And they all lived happily, perhaps not ever after, but at least through the dessert course. — By Debra Hotaling, Special to the Times, 1998

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Contagious Diseases

They are kind of cute! — “Why don’t the contagious among us stay home or wear those cute little paper nose and mouth covers or at least feel bad about putting the rest of us at risk of sharing their misery? More people died in the post-World War I influenza epidemic than died in the war. Garden variety flu germs can be life-threatening to the elderly or those with vulnerable respiratory systems.”
— Photo, Etiquipedia’s private library

In 1998, the State of California banned indoor smoking in many public places, much to the delight of non-smokers and those suffering from respiratory problems. A law professor from UC Berkley wrote the following article, which appeared in the Los Angeles Times. The importance of respiratory etiquette that the professor outlined is timely, considering the world continues to deal with Covid-19 and our normal “cold and flu season” is nearly upon us.

Thank You for Not Sneezing

California’s assault on secondhand smoke reached its historic high this New Year’s, when even indoor areas in bars and casinos became smoke-free by force of law. The rules on smoke exposure have taken a 180-degree turn in less than a generation. In the United States of my youth, every citizen was hostage to other people’s cigarettes in airplanes, in offices and in almost every other public space. Now the indoor areas of public life are all nonsmoking zones— an inconvenience for the 25% of adults who smoke, but a benefit of large proportions to the respiratory systems of the 75% who do not.

But even smoke-free California is not a safe place to take your lungs to the office, on a bus or anywhere else in public. In this the season of cold and flu, the greatest hazard of appearing in public is not tobacco smoke, but rather contagious disease. And strangers who would not dream of blowing smoke in your face seem happy enough about coughing and sneezing whenever they see you coming.

Isn’t there a double standard here, when the same folks prohibited from smoking in my office building can sneeze me home for a week of hell with the reigning bacterium of the season? Why don’t the contagious among us stay home or wear those cute little paper nose and mouth covers or at least feel bad about putting the rest of us at risk of sharing their misery?

Could it be that the analogy between secondhand smoke and free-flying germs is farfetched because tobacco is deadly while colds are merely inconvenient? Nonsense. More people died in the post-World War I influenza epidemic than died in the war. Garden variety flu germs can be life-threatening to the elderly or those with vulnerable respiratory systems, a much quicker and much clearer threat than the statistical associations and 30-year time lags that constitute the case against environmental tobacco smoke. And anyone who thinks that this year’s killer colds are merely inconvenient does not have one. The only larger harm a stranger can inflict requires a deadly weapon.

Is the difference between environmental smoke and environmental germs the fact that there is no way to protect against disease contagion that is as simple as not smoking? But what if sick people stay home or cover their mouths? I am sure it is a burden to take such precautions, but isn’t the whole point of our smoking restrictions to impose the inconvenience on those who would otherwise cause harm?

Perhaps the difference is that potential victims can defend themselves more easily from public germs than from secondhand smoke. There are, after all, flu shots to be had every fall. But not all flu bugs respond to the shots available. And if anybody ever finds a vaccine that protects against colds, the financial rewards will make Bill Gates seem middle class. The only way to avoid the urban germ highway is to live alone and stay home all winter.

I’m not advocating passing a law that requires germ-free public spaces. But two smaller lessons do come from the contrasting treatment of germs and cigarettes. The first lesson is that what we tolerate in public is much more a matter of particular social expectation than scientific studies. The French read scientific journals just as assiduously as do Americans, yet the average French café contains more smoke than a forest fire. You are more likely to encounter a face full of tobacco smoke if you go to Japan this year than you would in Los Angeles. But you will also notice hundreds of people on the subway in Japan who wear paper masks to avoid spreading contagious disease that they carry. Which culture is more considerate depends on the particular subject of the inquiry. The standard for what is polite in public varies tremendously from one social setting to another.

Now for the optimistic lesson. If the social customs concerning secondhand smoke can change over time, maybe there is hope for some controls on germs as well. What we need is not a law, but an etiquette of contagious disease. Perhaps the near future can bring us to a standard where we expect more effort from ourselves and one another to avoid multiplying the bacterial miseries of our winters. — Franklin E. Zimring, U.C. Berkley, 1998

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Luncheon Party Etiquette

The size of the party naturally regulates the extent of the menu as regards quantity. The style of luncheon given is very much the same in most houses, save where men cooks are kept and plain dishes are out of the question. At ordinary luncheons, a cold entree of salmon or chicken precedes a roast, or two hot roasts, or a hot entrée and a roast. Two sweets, one hot and one cold, seldom a savory cheese taking its place. Fruit is now invariably given; sometimes it is eaten before the cold entrée, but this only as regards melon. 

 — Photo source, Etiquipedia’s private library 

Rules for Simple Luncheons

THERE is no easier mode of entertaining guests than by asking them to luncheon, and, it may be said, none pleasanter. Luncheon commends itself to a hostess in various ways and to guests also under certain conditions. There is a slight difference between giving a luncheon party and asking two or three people to luncheon. For the former, a notice of a week to ten days is given — for the latter, two days, or even one day suffices, if verbally given. 

When an invitation is given by note, it is as imperative to answer it by return of post, as it would be were it a diner invitation, and having made such an engagement, it is necessary to keep it, be the weather wet or dry, fair or foul. It may be noticed the non-dinner givers are those who give set luncheon parties, and the dinner givers give the almost impromptu invitations to two or three of their neighbors on each occasion. 

The luncheon parties are rather formal: three of a family are invited—father, mother and daughter; two families, perhaps, and three or four from different households, making a party of twelve, including host and hostess. There is a tendency at these gatherings to follow dinner etiquette and to go in arm in arm, more particularly on the part of elderly people. At all luncheon parties, large or small, the ladies should go in first together, followed by the men. The hostess should either walk by the side of the lady of highest rank, or, if she is acquainted with the house she leads the way, the hostess follows last and all the ladies precede her. 

The size of the party naturally regulates the extent of the menu as regards quantity. The style of luncheon given is very much the same in most houses, save where men cooks are kept and plain dishes are out of the question. At ordinary luncheons, a cold entree of salmon or chicken precedes a roast, or two hot roasts, or a hot entrée and a roast. Two sweets, one hot and one cold, seldom a savory cheese taking its place. Fruit is now invariably given; sometimes it is eaten before the cold entrée, but this only as regards melon. 

Name cards are not used at luncheon, except at very large parties, when to tell them where to sit would occupy too much time. The places of honor are, of course, at the right and left hand of the host, and the left and right of the hostess, and these are given to the guests according to the precedency due to them. Ladies are, as a rule, in the majority to a great extent, and when a host is not present the place of honor is by the side of the hostess, unless her son or brother acts as host. — Los Angeles Herald, 1904

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Mid-20th C. Dinner Date Etiquette

Her date must have been very polite! The young woman in this 1948 Gorham sterling advertisement is celebrating her engagement with this dinner. — “According to masculine squawks, too many women forget that a man does the honors when he takes a lady guest out to dine. A man not only orders a restaurant meal for his guest, but he relays to the waiter any questions she wishes to ask concerning the food listed on the menu.”  
— Photo source, Etiquipedia’s private library
 

A Good Date Has Manners 

The young miss who is taken out by an escort for the first time to dine, is reminded that it is the gentleman’s prerogative to order for her. Although this piece of advice is directed to the youngster, there are older women who might also profit by the tip.  

According to masculine squawks, too many women forget that a man does the honors when he takes a lady guest out to dine. A man not only orders a restaurant meal for his guest, but he relays to the waiter any questions she wishes to ask concerning the food listed on the menu.  

Don't belittle masculine chivalry by violating these rules of etiquette. Etiquette also decrees that a man calls out the address to the driver when he accompanies a woman in a taxi. Even if you know the address and your boy friend doesn't you permit him to exercise his masculine prerogative by telling him where you are going and allowing him in turn to inform the cabby. — San Bernardino Sun, 1948

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the  Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Greek Dining Etiquette History

The handshake is a gesture from the Ancient Greeks — “Certainly no rigid etiquette prevented practical jokes of a serious kind. We read in Plautus of an unfortunate parasite having a pot full of ashes flung at his head at dinner, for no other purpose than to raise a general laugh against turn. Some anecdotes are told which confirm this view.”
—Photo source, Pinterest 

The Greeks at Table

A strange custom prevailed with the Greeks and the Romans, of the gaests carrying away with them the viands that remained uneaten. Martial has an extremely witty epigram on this; but the drollest account of it is in the “Symposium” of Lucian. The party consisted of learned and dignified philosophers whom, of course, the author intends to satirize. Up to a certain point the remnants were fairly divided, but unfortunately one chicken more plump than the rest, attracted the attention of one of the party who had no just claim to it. The proper owner would not let go, so they both tugged at it; a general tumult ensued and the guests grasped the birds by the legs and hit each other in the face with them, pulled beards, shouted and pelted with cups. That such scenes really took place at the dinners given to Roman clients is seriously affirmed by ‘Juvenal’ and in one of the satiric plays of Aeschylus, a guest complains that a certain vessel was broken over his head, “by no means as fragrant as a pot of spikenard.” 

Indeed, it would be a rather curious inquiry how far drunkenness was sottishness or mere excitement, for it is obvious that such a term is but relative, and it is likely enough that the Greek temperament was easily roused to fury by a very small amount of alcohol. Certainly no rigid etiquette prevented practical jokes of a serious kind. We read in Plautus of an unfortunate parasite having a pot full of ashes flung at his head at dinner, for no other purpose than to raise a general laugh against him. Some anecdotes are told which confirm this view. One Philoxenus, a a poet of Cythera, was dining with Dionysius. Observing a small mullet served on his plate, but a large one on that of the host, he took the cooked fish in his hands and applied it to his ear. “What are you doing?” asked the host. “ I am writing a poem entitled ‘Galatea,’ and I want to learn from this fish something about Nerene! But it says it was caught too young, whereas the big fish on your plate followed in Nereus’ train and knows all about him.” The host laughed, and ordered the fishes to be exchanged. 

A certain Spartan was dining at a table on which sea-urchins were served. He took one, and not knowing how to manipulate it, put it into his mouth and crunched it shell and all. After making a wry face over it, he exclaimed, with true Spartan bravery, “ Filthy eating! I am not going to turn a coward and give you up now, and I shan’t take you any more!” Rather a neat repartee is recorded of one Philoxenus, a parasite. Observing that the host supplied black bread, he quietly said, “ Don’t put on any more of that or you will make the room dark.” Another seeing an entree that was being carried ‘round stop at the host inquired, “Am I tipsy or is it a fancy of mine that these things are going round ?” The extraordinary fondness of both the Greeks and Romans for almost every kind of fish is well known. 

In the time of the Emperor Tiberius, says Athenaeus, lived one Apicius, a wealthy gourmand. He was particularly fond of prawns, and used to live at Minturnae, on the shore of Campania, for the sake of these crustaceans, for which he paid large sums as they are there very large. Hearing that still bigger prawns were caught off the coast of Libya, he sailed thither without waiting a single day for fine weather. Arriving after a bad voyage, he was visited by fishermen who had somehow heard of his object and brought to him their finest prawns. “Are these the very largest?” he asked. “Have you none larger?” On their replying in the negative he exclaimed, “Captain! back to Italy directly; and mind! don’t lose time by touching land!” The Eastern custom of reclining at meals on sofas or divans was almost universal with both Greeks and Romans, and this is generally represented on the Greek vases, though sometimes the guests are seen sitting. “ The heroes,’’ says Athenaeus, “ sit at the banquets, and do not recline.” The sofa soon became an important article of furniture, and a great deal of art and ornament was expended upon it, as well as on the tapestry coverings. — Placer Herald, 1881

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Victoria’s Drawing Room

Above, a dress featuring the “en coeur neckline.” Good luck in getting that doctor’s note!  — “... from some remarks which we have lately heard, people do not seem to be aware that bodices cut either square, or en coeur, are not considered full dress, and that ladies presenting themselves at a drawing room so attired, will be denied admission, unless provided with a special permission from the Lord Chamberlain’s office, to obtain which a doctor’s certificate of the impossibility of the lady in question wearing a low dress with safety, is imperatively necessary.”
— Photo source, Pinterest 

The drawing-rooms for the season will soon be announced, says the ‘London Queen,’ and those who have never yet attended one, but propose doing so, may be glad of a few hints on the etiquette of the occasion. It is whispered, whether on good authority or not, we cannot say, that, in consequence of the crowded state of the drawing-room held after Easter last season, more receptions are to be held this year. Usually there are three drawing-rooms— two before Easter and one after. It is curious that people who really ought to know better, will continue to talk of the birthday drawing-room, the fact being that no such reception has been held since the lamentable death of the Prince Consort. At the birthday drawing-room, no presentations could take place, and no one could appear in mourning ; those who attended it were supposed to be desirous of congratulating the Sovereign on the auspicious occasion. All the drawing-rooms now held, are presentation drawing-rooms, and it is with the etiquette ot these that we are principally concerned.


Presentation


The lady wishing to be presented must first find a lady willing to present her, and also to attend the drawing room at which she wishes to be presented, for although it is by no means necessary that the two ladies should pass at the same time, or even that they should meet, it is absolutely de rigueur that a lady who presents another should attend the drawing-room. This preliminary being arranged, the presenter gives her friend a note addressed to the Lord Chamberlain, adding her intention of attending a certain drawing-room and of presenting Mrs. Jones. This note, Mrs. Jones leaves at the Lord Chamberlain’s office, at least two clear days before the drawing-room, accompanied by a large card on which is legibly written, “Mrs. Jones, presented by Lady Brown;” or, “Mrs. Jones, presented on her marriage by Lady Brown.” From the Lord Chamberlain’s office she receives, an application, two pink presentation cards, on which “Presentation” is marked in large letters. These she takes to the palace with her, giving one to the page in waiting at the corridor at the top of the grand staircase, and reserving the other to be given at the door of the presence chamber, where it is handed from one official to another till it reaches tbe Lord Chamberlain, who announces the name to the Queen. Care should be taken by the lady to write her own name and also that of the lady presenting her, very legibly, so that there may be no danger of mistakes. In the case of the presentation of a bride, it is usual for her to be presented by her husband’s mother, sister, or some other member of his family, if possible and convenient ; but this is a matter of taste, not of necessity.


On Presentation Dresses


Presentation dresses for brides and young girls should be entirely white, no further color being allowable than blush roses or apple blossoms ; but this rule is not arbitrary for more elderly ladies, indeed, it would look rather absurd in the case of a mother who is herself presented, and then presents her daughters on the same occasion. One word here as to the feathers, which form an essential part of the court-dress. A fashion has been gaining ground of late years, of having these plumes to match the color of the toilet, and they are certainly very pretty and far more becoming than the orthodox white feathers, which are somewhat trying to any but the most delicate complexions. Still, we are able to say on excellent authority, that these colored plumes are regarded with much disfavor in the very biggest quarters, where they are considered as a departure from the strict etiquette of court costumes, which imperatively demand white feathers. Also, from some remarks which we have lately heard, people do not seem to be aware that bodices cut either square, or en coeur, are not considered full dress, and that ladies presenting themselves at a drawing room so attired, will be denied admission, unless provided with a special permission from the Lord Chamberlain’s office, to obtain which a doctor’s certificate of the impossibility of the lady in question wearing a low dress with safety, is imperatively necessary.


On Entering the Palace


Ladies cross the ball to a large cloak room, where all wraps are deposited, and then, ascending the staircase and passing along the couridor, enter the ball-room, which is the first of the suite of reception rooms. The room nearest to the presence chamber is reserved for those having the privilege of the entree, such as the diplomatic corps, members of the present and former governments, the great Officers of State, members of the household, Queen's aids-de-camp, and others. As each room fills, the doors are closed by a bar, presided over by two of the gentle-men-at-arms, so as to prevent undue crowding; and as each apartment empties those in the next room are admitted to it. The last room is separated from the present chamber by the width of the picture gallery, and while crossing this, the ladies’ trains are spread out by the attendants in waiting. If her Majesty is present, the lady about to be presented should take off her right-handed glove before reaching the presence chamber, as it is on that hand that her Majesty places hers, for the lady to kiss.


On Peeress or Peer’s Daughter


Her Majesty kisses her on the cheek. If the Queen is not present there is no kissing on hands. In either case, a low courtesy must be made to each member of the Royal family present as the lady passes. To do this gracefully requires some dexterity, as very little time is allowed, and the train is taken up and thrown over the arm almost before the requisite number of reverences are completed.— Telegraphic Sparks, 1875

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia