Etiquette and Victorian Fan Fiction

not to mention secret codes of parasols and handkerchiefs

One wouldn't need a secret fan decoder book to figure out what Marie Antoinette was tying to convey non-verbally.

A few years ago, I gave a talk at a tea house on the language of the fan and the handkerchief. I shared an assortment of elaborate gestures I had read about, assuring the audience that women of the Victorian era had a secret coded communication with their fans and handkerchiefs.

She's not sending signals, but practicing an art form to entertain.

No secret code here. A clear statement;"Edward Ferrars is mine!"

Sounds legitimate doesn’t it?  Sadly these codes were fiction. To my astonishment, they were never used in polite society as a regular practice. I have referenced books on etiquette, manners and proper behavior of the time and found not one reference of a coded communication that accompanied these popular accessories for women. So how did this” fictional behavior” become accepted as fact? Simple... dime store novels and magazines, written to push the sale of the aforementioned items.

"I believe one of your sisters tossed this into the street as I was marching by, sending a secret code that she thinks I'm hot.  We have a lot in common, as I also happen to think I'm hot."

Myth busters abound on the internet, and here below is just one's take on the secret languages and codes;

"Unfortunately, the fan language -- and other, similar codes like the language of the handkerchief and the language of the parasol--were largely the result of advertising campaigns meant to popularize and sell accessories. There is little evidence that the fan language was ever in widespread use, though the concept was satirized by several writers in the 18th and 19th centuries. Besides being rather impractical, fan codes were a bit dangerous; an unconscious fidget or desire to actually fan herself could embroil a lady in a totally unintentional feud--or marriage. Not to mention the consequences if the matron acting as chaperone to a courting couple had, a few years earlier, employed the fan language to win her own husband!" -Esti Brennan, Clements Library Chronicles

In order to sell a product successfully you have to create a gimmick to peak a person’s interest and since handkerchiefs and fans were commonly used amongst women on a regular basis, what better way to promote your novels and to sell more of these popular accessories then to create a trend? However it is imperative that everybody in your target audience is “in on it.” Otherwise a whole wave of misunderstanding could ensue. Victoria could be telling Edward that she is engaged (fanning fast) and he just thinks she’s having a hot flash.

Created to sell fans, guides like this from Cassell’s Family Magazine in 1886, were hot sellers.

"Never in any crisis of your life have I known you to have a handkerchief!"

Brief Mentions on Handkerchief Etiquette

"The average bride and groom of good taste and feeling try to be as inconspicuous as possible. On one occasion, in order to hide the fact that they were 'bride and groom,' a young couple 'went away' in their oldest clothes and were very much pleased with their cleverness, until, pulling out his handkerchief, the groom scattered rice all over the floor of the parlor car. The bride's lament after this was--"Why had she not worn her prettiest things?" Emily Post 1922 

"At a lecture, a special personal respect is due to the speaker. This is shown by a courteous attention and a general demeanor of interest and appreciation. If applause is merited, it should be given in a refined manner. The stamping of the feet is coarse, and the pounding of the floor with canes and umbrellas is as lazy as it is noisy. The clapping of hands is a natural language of delight, and, when skillfully done, is an enthusiastic expression of approbation. Some effort is being made to substitute the waving of handkerchiefs as a symbol of approval or greeting to a favorite speaker, but it is quite probable that this silent signal will not take the place of the more active demonstration of clapping the hands, except on very quiet and intellectual occasions." 


"Scratching the head or ears, and picking the teeth, are operations that are properly attended to in one's own dressing-room. The conspicuous use of the handkerchief is in bad form. Blowing the nose is not a pleasant demonstration at any time, and at the table is simply unpardonable. A person of fastidious taste will take care of the nose in the quietest and most unobtrusive way, and refrain from disgusting other people of fastidious taste."  Agnes H. Morton 1892


"Never use the table-cloth to wipe your mouth, you might as well use it in place of your pocket handkerchief.""The first present must be made by the gentleman.  It is very proper for this first present to be followed by gifts upon appointed days, as birthdays, Christmas, or New Year's Day, and the lady is at perfect liberty to return the compliment. It is considered more elegant for the gentleman to offer jewelry, the lady some gift which is the work of her own hands, as a handsome pair of embroidered slippers, a handkerchief with richly embroidered monograms, a cigar-case embroidered, or some similar gift." Frost's Laws and By-Laws of American Society 1869

"No need to send signals. I'm Lady Mary and everyone knows it."

Brief Mentions on Parasol Etiquette

"A woman should not mix up her wardrobe, and wear a 

theatre bonnet to church, or carry a coaching parasol to a 

funeral."  Agnes H. Morton 1892 

"One should never call out a name in public, unless it is absolutely unavoidable. A young girl who was separated from her friends in a baseball crowd had the presence of mind to put her hat on her parasol and lift it above the people surrounding her so that her friends might find her." 

"To repeat, therefore, the young woman who wants to look pretty should confine her exercise to dancing. She can also hold a parasol over her head and sit in a canoe" Emily Post

"In seeing a lady to her carriage or motor, it is quite correct for a gentleman to put his hand under her elbow to assist her; and in helping her out he should alight first and offer her his hand. He should not hold a parasol over her head unless momentarily while she searches in her wrist-bag for something, or stops perhaps to put on or take off her glove, or do anything that occupies both hands. With an umbrella the case is different, especially in a sudden and driving rain, when she is often very busily occupied in trying to hold "good" clothes out of the wet and a hat on, as well. She may also, under these circumstances, take the gentleman's arm, if the 'going' is thereby made any easier." 

"To repeat, therefore, the young woman who wants to look pretty should confine her exercise to dancing. She can also hold a parasol over her head and sit in a canoe--or she can be pretty how and where she will, so long as it is not on a horse in the park or hunting-field." Emily Post 1922

Parasols can double as walking sticks.  Just don't suck on them!

"A lady when calling keeps her parasol in her hand, and is not required to remove her glove. It is a sign of low-breeding to fidget with the hat, cane or parasol during a call. They are introduced merely as signs that the caller is in walking dress, and are not intended, the hat to be whirled round the top of the cane, the cane to be employed in tracing out the pattern of the carpet, or the parasol to be tapped on the teeth, or worse still, sucked.  No lady will be guilty of the vulgarity of sucking the head of her parasol in the street. To eat anything, even confectionery, in the street, is a sign of low breeding." 

"After assisting a lady to her seat, be certain that her parasol, shawl, and fan are all conveniently placed for her use before you take your own seat. Allow her all the space you can, and be especially careful that the motion of your arms does not incommode her." Frost's Laws and By-Laws of American Society 1869

"After assisting a lady to her seat, be certain that her parasol, shawl, and fan are all conveniently placed for her use before you take your own seat. Allow her all the space you can, and be especially careful that the motion of your arms does not incommode her." 

So imagine poor Edward’s further confusion when Victoria bites the tip of her gloves then puts her hat under her right arm and she drops her parasol in the process. So what did she want?  To get rid of him? (biting tip of her gloves) ; for Edward to wait for her (hat under right arm) ; or to tell him she loved him? (dropping the parasol).  It appears this type of code system would breed a whole lot of confusion and imagine the confusion if there were married people involved. 

While there is a legitimate code of communication with flowers, I am sorry to say that all the codes for these different accessories were just gimmicks in order to encourage people to buy more dime store novels and more accessories for their wardrobe increasing the profit margin of companies promoting these products.

Compiled and submitted by Demita Usher of Social Graces and Savoir Faire



Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dido Belle: Georgian Etiquette's Rigid Rules

 and Fluid Worlds of Romance

Dido Belle was a slave’s daughter who lived in the shadows of Georgian opulence. “How may I be too high in rank to dine with the servants but too low to dine with my family?” 

A movie titled “Belle,” released in 2013, was loosely based on the life of Dido Elizabeth Belle (1761–1804), the “illegitimate” daughter of Adm. John Lindsay, and a slave.  Although the movie takes liberal creative license with her story, mixing doses of more fiction than fact, it does address the tightrope she walked to find some place of acceptance in her world of limited privilege.

Born and baptized in the West Indies to Maria Belle, her very life serves as an example of the complexities of position and protocol during the Georgian era if you were a mixed race child of two unmarried lovers.  The world of privilege she was brought up in, simply could not offer the same opportunities available to others of her sex and age, due to her mixed race and questionable birthright.

Falling behind; Dido Belle was not a slave, but not free to be a respected member of her father’s family.

Much of her life therefore, caused her to fall into the shadows of society.  Not a slave, but not free to be a respected member of her father’s family.

Her uncle, William Murray, 1st Earl Of Mansfield, was Lord Chief Justice of The King’s Bench.  He's portrayed in the movie as a very forward thinking man when it came to the pressing issues of the day like slavery. However, in reality he was actually a lot more conservative in his views on the matter not desiring to go against the King’s wishes or to upset those who supported the practice of slavery.  Some of his actions however, did speak clearly that he did on some level value the importance of his niece. When it came to the painting he commissioned to be done of Dido and her cousin Elizabeth, their "equal eye level" positioning in the painting, sent a clear and immortalized message as to her value.  A significant, non-verbal statement, as at a time when people of color were painted, they were usually positioned in a subservient role beneath the person they were being painted alongside.

One strike against you was allowable... Two strikes and you were out! : Etiquette in 18th-century English society, dictated that Dido Belle could not dine with her family because of her mixed race and her lack of legal "legitimacy", though her cousin Elizabeth, who was also "illegitimate" could freely dine with their aunt and uncle.  Dido Belle was allowed to join the family for coffee and conversation after dinner. When she came of marriageable age, and should have made her debut into society, Belle's mixed race and heritage also proved to be one too many stumbling blocks. Her cousin Elizabeth was allowed to be presented and make her debut, however.

As she grew older, she was responsible for the poultry and dairy yards at Kenwood. Being in charge the dairy and poultry yard which would have been a typical occupation for ladies of the gentry and she did receive a modest annual allowance that was several times the value of what domestic servants were paid in that time. She also helped Mansfield with his correspondence which speaks to the fact that she was very well educated. Helping her uncle with his correspondence was highly unusual, since this was normally done by a male secretary or a clerk. Given his position, it also spoke of the confidence he had in his niece’s ability given the high ranking position he held in the legal sector. At his death, he left a provision for Dido Belle in his will, something that was not always done for mixed race or people of color.

This painting of Dido Belle and her cousin Elizabeth, at equal eye level, was a shock to many, in the era it was painted.  It currently hangs in Scone Palace in Perth, Scotland and is owned by the present Earl of Mansfield.

With his wife preceding him in death, Murray was cared for by Dido Belle until his death in 1893. Afterward, Dido married John Davinier, a Frenchman who worked as a gentleman's steward, in December of that same year. Her last living descendent of record is her great-great-grandson Harold Davinier who died in 1974.

While Dido Belle’s story is unique, it was not on some levels, as unusual as people may be led to believe. Free people of color, and / or those of mixed race, had lived in Britain and Europe since the Elizabethan Era.

“…back in Shakespeare's day, you could have met people from west Africa and even Bengal in the same London streets. Of course, there were fewer, and they drew antipathy as well as fascination from the Tudor inhabitants, who had never seen black people before. But we know they lived, worked and intermarried, so it is fair to say that Britain's first black community starts here.
There had been black people in Britain in Roman times, and they are found as musicians in the early Tudor period in England and Scotland.  But the real change came in Elizabeth I's reign, when, through the records, we can pick up ordinary, working, black people, especially in London.  Shakespeare himself, a man fascinated by 'the other', wrote several black parts - indeed, two of his greatest characters are black - and the fact that he put them into mainstream entertainment reflects the fact that they were a significant element in the population of London.  Employed especially as domestic servants, but also as musicians, dancers and entertainers, their numbers ran to many hundreds, maybe even more.
And let's be clear - they were not slaves. In English law, it was not possible to be a slave in England (although that principle had to be re-stated in slave trade court cases in the late 18th Century, like the Somersett case of 1772).  In Elizabeth's reign, the black people of London were mostly free. Some indeed, both men and women, married native English people.”  BBC History Magazine

Given the fact that free people of color also freely intermarried native English people during that time, it would not been strange to see children that looked like Dido Belle in the community. However, around 1600, England had begun see the presence of free people of color as a cause for great concern because their presence had greatly increased due partially in fact that blacks had begun to flow into their society in greater numbers, due to their liberation from Spanish slave ships. The collective attitude toward people of color turned negative which may explain why by the time Dido Belle was born 161 years later, English society was not very welcoming of the presence of people like her. Their presence was seen more as a nuisance than a novelty.

Despite the prevailing attitudes toward people of  color or mixed race, their presence continued to exist in English society. Queen Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, Wife of King George III though German, was directly descended from a black branch of the Portuguese royal family, related to Margarita de Castro e Souza, a 15th-century Portuguese noblewoman, nine generations removed, whose ancestry she traced from the 13th-century ruler Alfonso III and his lover Madragana, whom it is believed was a Moor, and thus a black African. 

One look at the paintings of her and it is very apparent that she had black ancestry.  It is interesting to note that she lived during the same time as Dido Belle. Although she was mixed race like Dido she had more of a position of advantage because she was married to the King of England which means despite any personal opinions of people in the society her role and position allowed her to have free and full access to the advantages and privileges that other people of color of her time did not. 

Given the fact that free people of color also freely intermarried native English people during that time, it would not have been strange to see children that looked like Dido Belle in the community. 

The stories of Dido Belle, Charlotte, and other blacks and those of mixed race, do serve as an example of how race and position played a large role in how people were perceived in a society that placed a high value upon image and appearances. Unfortunately race and color could affect one’s standing in society.  

The etiquette books and publications of the time gave no provisions for how situations involving people of color or mixed race in English society, were to be addressed. There was no written etiquette for those who fell outside the realm of the working class and domestic servants. More than likely, each situation was handled on a case by case basis, which may explain why some people of color have a place in the historical records and some do not.

Compiled and submitted by Demita Usher

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for 19th C. Ballrooms

Draw on your gloves in the dressing-room, and do not be for one moment with them off in the dancing-rooms. At supper take them off; nothing is more preposterous than to eat in gloves! 

An evening party is often only another name for a ball. We may have as many and as weighty objections to dancing, as conducted at these fashionable parties, as to the formal dinners and rich and late suppers which are in vogue in the same circles, but this is not the place to discuss the merits of the quadrille or the waltz, but to lay down the etiquette of the occasions on which they are practiced. We condense from the various authorities before us the following code: 

1. According to the hours now in fashion in our large cities, ten o'clock is quite early enough to present yourself at a dance. You will even then find many coming after you.  In the country, you should go earlier. 

2. Draw on your gloves (white or yellow) in the dressing-room, and do not be for one moment with them off in the dancing-rooms. At supper take them off; nothing is more preposterous than to eat in gloves. 

3. When you are sure of a place in the dance, you go up to a lady and ask her if she will do you the honor to dance with you. If she answers that she is engaged, merely request her to name the earliest dance for which she is not engaged, and when she will do you the honor of dancing with you. 

If she has no further objection than a temporary dislike or a piece of coquetry, it is a direct insult to him to refuse him and accept the next offer.

4. If a gentleman offers to dance with a lady, she should not refuse, unless for some particular and valid reason, in which case she can accept the next offer. But if she has no further objection than a temporary dislike or a piece of coquetry, it is a direct insult to him to refuse him and accept the next offer; besides, it shows too marked a preference for the latter. 

5. When a woman is standing in a quadrille, though not engaged in dancing, a man not acquainted with her partner should not converse with her. 

6. When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprize him of his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him a lesson. 

7. Unless a man has a very graceful figure, and can use it with great elegance, it is better for him to walk through the quadrilles, or invent some gliding movement for the occasion. 

On arrival, one way of finding out how long the ball was going to last was by looking at the length of the candles. The longer the candle, the longer the room would be lit and the longer the ball would last - candles were calibrated to burn for four or six hours, or longer. Candles were not just a necessity but also a sign of wealth and social status as they were an expensive commodity, says Lisa White, who works for the National Trust and is an adviser on authentic illumination. Prof Amanda Vickery "If (Jane Austen's) Mr Bingley was out to impress he would have lots of light, especially wax candles, not just in the chandeliers but all around the room, and he would increase the light with beautiful mirrors to reflect the light as well." Reflecting light from a mirrored surface sounds familiar - could this have been the early origins of the modern disco ball? Beeswax candles were the deluxe choice of the rich, whereas poorer people had to make do with tallow candles. Made out of pig or beef fat, tallow candles gave off a foul smell. –BBC News Magazine

8. At the end of the dance, the gentleman re-conducts the lady to her place, bows, and thanks her for the honor which she has conferred. She also bows in silence.

9. The master of the house should see that all the ladies dance. He should take notice particularly of those who seem to serve as drapery to the walls of the ball-room (or wall flowers, as the familiar expression is), and should see that they are invited to dance.

10. Ladies who dance much should be very careful not to boast before those who dance but little or not at all, of the great number of dances for which they are engaged in advance. They should also, without being perceived, recommend these less fortunate ladies to gentlemen of their acquaintance.

11. For any of the members, either sons or daughters, of the family at whose house the ball is given, to dance frequently or constantly, denotes decided ill-breeding; the ladies should not occupy those places in a quadrille which others may wish to fill, and they should, moreover, be at leisure to attend to the rest of the company; and the gentlemen should be entertaining the married women and those who do not dance.

12. Never hazard taking part in a quadrille, unless you know how to dance tolerably; for if you are a novice, or but little skilled, you would bring disorder into the midst of pleasure.

13. If you accompany your wife to a dance, be careful not to dance with her, except perhaps the first set.

14. When that long and anxiously desiderated hour, the hour of supper, has arrived, you hand the lady you attend up or down to the supper-table. You remain with her while she is at the table, seeing that she has all that she desires, and then conduct her back to the dancing-rooms.

When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprize him of his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him a lesson.

15. A gentleman attending a lady should invariably dance the first set with her, and may afterward introduce her to a friend for the purpose of dancing.

16. Ball-room introductions cease with the object—viz.: dancing; nor subsequently anywhere else can a gentleman approach the lady by salutation or in any other mode without a re- introduction of a formal character.

This code must be understood as applying in full only to fashionable dancing parties in the city, though most of the rules should be adhered to in any place. The good sense of the reader will enable him to modify them to suit any particular occasion.

A fashionable Ball Costume for 1860

From 1887's,  “How to Behave” by Samuel R. Wells 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Scottish Diplomacy and Chinese Etiquette

This article was first published in 2011

Scotland has been trading with China since the 18th century. Key opportunities exist in the areas where Scotland’s strengths match China’s strategic growth priorities  –  financial services, renewable energy, life sciences and education.

A SCHOOL is to run lessons on Chinese etiquette to help Scottish companies strike deals in the burgeoning Far East economic sector.

St George's School in Edinburgh will offer business- orientated courses in the Mandarin language, as well as teaching the dos and don'ts of dealing with Chinese business leaders.

The evening course, which begins in March, comes after the Chinese government agreed to lend two pandas to Edinburgh Zoo, which is near the school.

“Panda Diplomacy” has existed as far back as the Tang Dynasty, when Empress Wu Zetian (625–705) sent a pair of pandas to the Japanese emperor.  The term has come to refer to China’s use of giant pandas as diplomatic gifts to other countries. 

It has taken years of diplomacy to seal the deal, which could be worth millions to the Scottish economy.

The new nightclass aims to help firms in Scotland that are keen to capitalise on potential Far East markets to avoid cultural gaffes.

Helen Mackie, headteacher at the girls' independent school, said: "This is a huge opportunity for Scotland. The Scottish Government has really developed this relationship which could be crucial for the economy.

"We need our education system to get behind it and develop an understanding of the culture as well as the language. The opportunity is there and we have to grab it."

The course, which will be led by teachers at the school, will teach the youngsters key phrases for use in the business world. It will also provide invaluable hints and tips for the children on how to act and how to avoid offending potential Chinese business contacts.

Chinese symbol for “hospitality.”  Hospitality is key so it is important to return it to the same level they give to you.

Mrs Mackie said it was important to recognise hierarchies in China, observe seating plans and return hospitality.

She said: "The lowest member in the group will sit with their back to the door and the highest facing the door - so sitting in the wrong place could cause great offence.

“Also, hospitality is key so it is important to return it to the same level they give to you.”

Mrs Mackie said that these kind of points were crucial to making or breaking a deal.

David Lonsdale, the assistant director of CBI Scotland, welcomed the courses, which he described as a "positive" move for Scottish business.

He said: “I'm sure they will get a very favourable response from the local business community.

“Scotland does well in terms of its business relationships with China, but we need to see a real step-change and take it to a new level to capitalise on all the opportunities that the Far East offers Scottish business."

St George’s has led the way in the teaching of Mandarin in Scotland.

THE DOS AND DON’TS

DO spend time reading the business card of your Chinese colleague. It's seen as rude to simply slip it into your pocket straight away without reading it.

DO offer your business card in return, using both hands. Using one hand may offend.

DO be careful about where you sit in meetings. The lowest-ranking member of a group will sit with their back to the door and the highest facing it. Sitting in the wrong seat could cause great offence.

DON’T stick your chopsticks into your food and leave them sitting upright. This is a big no-no in Chinese culture.

DO return hospitality to the same level you have received it. This is very important and could be seen as a snub if you offer less in return.

DON’T tell your prospective colleague from China that you will meet them at the hotel. They could well expect to be met at the airport.

DO ensure your staff are of an equal level. For example, make sure a director speaks to a director and so on down the hierarchical chain.

Originally published 12 January 2011 in

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Japan's Politeness Police

In 2008, in Yokohama Japan, officials decided to recruit the "Smile-Manner Squadron" to guide the way on the city's packed trains, and bring back standards of "Old Japan."

In Yokohama, the Smile "politeness police" on the trains will make you give up your seat for elderly, injured, or pregnant passengers if you don't get up of your own accord. 

Metro trains are one of the prime spots for bad behaviour in Japan

By 2008, badly behaved commuters riding on Yokohama's public transport were suddenly risking a dressing-down.

Newly appointed "etiquette police" were asking travellers to turn down their headphones and give up their seats for their elders and betters.

The move came amid growing concern that etiquette was losing its hallowed place in Japanese society.

In Yokohama, as in many other large cities around the globe, metro trains are one of the prime spots for bad behaviour.

A 2008 poll found nearly nine out of ten respondents felt that the standards of public behaviour in Japan had declined.

This perceived lapse included failing to offer your seat to pregnant and elderly people, applying make-up in public, chatting loudly on mobile phones and listening to music on "leaky" headphones.

A prime hang-out for violators was identified as Japan's jammed commuter trains.

Nobuhiko Obayashi, a 70-year-old author of Why don't young people give their seats to the aged? said parents were to blame for the loss of manners and society had bred a generation too afraid to talk to one another."Young people do not feel the need of having manners in their hearts," he said. "The experiment will give people who are too shy a chance to communicate." 

Ways of showing respect have become rituals in Japan, so to try to curb some of the bad behaviour, the transport authorities in Yokohama - a port city south of Tokyo - appointed a team of manners enforcers, the Smile-Manner Squadron.

The team, mostly made up of over-60s, were well acquainted with the standards of conduct associated with the "old Japan".

But many of these enforcers were accompanied by younger bodyguards, should their etiquette advice - diplomatically given, of course - not prove welcome.

Taizo Kato, a psychologist at Waseda University, said that Yokohama's creation "symbolises the collapse of the Japanese mentality and shows that we have reached a point where citizens are not aware of basic human manners".

The team members, identifiable by bright green uniforms, never had legal powers to insist that their advice was accepted by recalcitrant passengers.

But backers of the scheme hoped their refined social skills meant they will be able to charm - or shame - culprits into reforming their ways.

Chopstick History and Etiquette

"You do not sew with a fork, and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles." — Miss Piggy

Chopstick History and Etiquette

"The ultimately restricted, and therefore it may be thought, the ultimately delicate, manner of eating with one's hands is to use the thumb and two fingers of the right hand, only the tips of these ideally being allowed to touch the food. This gesture, we find even more by artificially elongating the fingers and further reducing their number, is of course the origin of chopsticks. Once people became accustomed to fingers remaining clean throughout the meal, napkins used for serious cleansing seemed not only redundant but downright nasty."

Chopsticks have been used in Japan for thousands of years. Also known as "hashi," or "otemoto" in fancier restaurants, Japanese chopsticks reflect the highly artistic culture of the islands. Originally, they were used strictly for religious ceremonies, but soon they were used for casual eating as well. Because of this history, the Japanese tend to be a little more strict about the proper use of chopsticks than the Chinese. At first they were fashioned like tweezers - a single piece of bamboo connected at one end. This connection is how they got the name "hashi" meaning "bridge." By the 10th century AD, they were being made regularly as two separate pieces and used in pairs, as they are today. In the 17th centrury AD, they began to lacquer the wooden chopsticks to make them more durable. This allowed them to become the beautiful Japanese icons that they are today. The ornate designs make them some of the most attractive and unique chopsticks in the world. The hard lacquer finish is not only attractive, but highly functional. It waterproofs them and makes them easier to clean. Japanese chopsticks are shorter than most chopsticks. Adult chopsticks in Japan are typically 7-9 inches long (20-23cm), are typically rounded, and tapered to a point.

Information from www.thechopstickstore.com 

"Father João Rodrigues observed in the 17th century that the Japanese were "much amazed at our eating with the hands and wiping them on napkins, which then remain covered with food stains, and this causes them both nausea and disgust." Napkins laid on knees are still an " ethnic," western affectation in China and Japan. There is, however, a tradition of supplying diners several times during the meal with small rough towels wrung out in boiling water, for hand and face wiping.

Chopsticks seem to have evolved in the East specifically for use with rice: The staple grain in China was originally millet, which the Li Chi insists must be eaten with a spoon, not with chopsticks like rice. Chinese rice is not loose and dry like that chosen by Indians, Arabs, and Africans, who prefer eating it with their hands, but sticky and slightly moist even without sauce; it is easily handled with chopsticks. The earliest word for chopsticks seems to have been Zi, related to the root meaning, "help". This is pronounced, however, like the word for "stop", or "becalm" used of boats. Chinese boatman are said to have renamed them kuai – zi, which sounds like "fast fellows", because Chinese think of chopsticks as swift and agile, the very opposite of halting and being becalmed. This is now their Chinese name; "chopsticks" is of course a western barbarism. In Japanese, chopsticks are called hashi, "bridge", because they effect the transition from bowl to mouth.

Chopsticks are thought of as fast, then, and helpful. Meals in China often surprise visitors by the speed with which they are eaten; chopsticks enable the Chinese and Japanese to eat food which is sizzling hot, but because is often served in small pieces it gets cold if people dawdle. Chopstick users remain more likely than we are to use their hands as aids in eating but it is not at all advisable to get them greasy: chopsticks, and especially the lacquered chopsticks common in Japan and Korea, are extremely difficult to manage with slippery fingers. Porcelain spoons are used for soups and the more liquid dishes; children are allowed to use spoons for everything until they are about three or four years old, when chopstick training begins."
     

Chinese chopsticks are the longest of all chopsticks. This is probably because they were originally used for cooking, and adapted for eating as the food began to be cooked in bite size pieces. Chinese chopsticks are not tapered. They are square at the base and round at the tip, symbolizing the infinite God in heaven feeding the man, bound by four seasons, on earth. Because they are thicker at the tip, chinese chopsticks are great for tearing meat and pushing rice from a bowl into the mouth. Contrary to popular belief, the Chinese do not use chopsticks to pick up pieces of rice in a conventional manner. They lift the bowl to their mouths and use the chopsticks to push the rice in, and the wider chopsticks are well suited to this method. Information from www.thechopstickstore.com 

"Chinese tables are round or square rather than oval or oblong: diners sit equidistant from the dishes of cài (meat, fish, and vegetables), all set out in one "course", in the middle. Each diner gets a small bowl for fán, literally, "food", meaning rice. The rice is the substance of the meal; the cài is merely relish, unless the occasion is a banquet. The host, or the mother, doles out the rice into the bowls. Each guest must take the filled bowl in two hands: receiving in one hand shows disrespectful indifference. You never eat cài before being served rice, because that looks as though you are so greedy and selfish that you would be prepared to eat nothing but meat and vegetables, which are the expensive part of the meal, centrally placed in order to be shared with others.

When the host gives the sign, you may begin to take the cài with your chopsticks. The gestures used by Chinese, Japanese, and others to do this are fascinating for Westerners. They look accomplished. Delicate, precise, and gentle-- much more polished that our own behavior at meals. Roland Barthes in "The Empire of Signs" speaks of eulogies on the Japanese manipulation of chopsticks: "There is something maternal, the same precisely measured care taken in moving a child... the instrument never pierces, cuts, or slips, never wounds but only selects, turns, shifts. For the chopsticks... In order to divide, must separate, part, peck, instead of cutting and piercing, in the manner of our implements; they never violate the food stuff; either they gradually unravel it (in the case of vegetables) or else prod it into separate pieces (in the case of fish, eels) thereby rediscovering the natural fissures of the substance." A Westerner feels like a brute butcher before this Oriental delicacy. Barthe says that we are "armed with pikes and knives "like predators rather than gentle mothers, our food, " a prey to which one does violence."

“Man who catch fly with chopstick, capable of anything.” ― Mr. Miyagi, in The Karate Kid 
B.Y. Chao tells us that the Chinese are aware in themselves of a sequence of commands: "Await, avoid, attack!" You must pause, think of others, consider which piece you want, then zero in on it. You may have to stretch across the path of another's chopsticks – though Chinese, too, try to restrict themselves to taking from the side of the dish more or less facing them; fellow diners cooperate with each other and are not greatly offended by another's "attack." You should never looked too intent on obtaining a particular morsel, however. Chinese children are taught that "the best mannered person does not allow co-diners to be aware of what his or her favorite dishes are by his or her eating pattern."

“Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.” — Helen Rowland

"It is politer to transfer food first to your rice bowl, and eat it from there, then to take it directly from the cài dish to your mouth. Chopsticks must never be licked or bitten. Japanese bad manners include neburi-bashi: licking chopsticks with the tongue; mogi-kui: using your mouth to remove rice sticking to your chopsticks; komi-bashi: forcing several things in your mouth with your chopsticks; utsuri-bashi: one must not break the rule that a mouthful of rice is to be taken between every two bites of meat, fish, or vegetables; saguri-bashi: searching with chopsticks to see if anything you want remains in the dish; hashi-namari: hesitation whether to take one thing rather than another; and sora-hashi: putting back with the chopsticks food you intended to eat.

Mannerly diners with chopsticks never "fish about" for morsels; they must take the bit they touch first. This means that one begins by eyeing one's target carefully: if you prod it, you must take and eat it. Using chopsticks need in no way mean that people eat food touched by implements which have been in other people's mouths. Yet a very western distaste for even the thought of touching the food of all with utensils of each has spread. In 1984, Hu Yaobang, the former Communist Party Secretary, criticized the traditional Chinese way of eating and urged change on sanitary grounds. A good deal of such concern must in fact be a desire to participate in Western  prestige as being somehow more in ineffably "modern." The admiration of people like Roland Barthe 's for superior Oriental wisdom seems to be less satisfying than the allure of technological hygiene and "modern "mental instruments. A compromise with "modernity" is the Japanese pre-wrapped disposable set of wooden chopsticks.

Korean chopsticks are traditionally flat and made of metal, though the Koreans are beginning to use round chopsticks as well. In Korea, chopsticks are called jeokkarak (젓가락). In length, Chinese chopsticks tend to be the longest, and Japanese chopsticks are often the shortest, with Korean chopsticks falling somewhere in-between. So why are Korean chopsticks made of metal? One explanation is that in ancient times pure silver chopsticks were used by the king because the silver would change color if the king’s food had been poisoned. Then the commoners, wanting to emulate royalty, began to use metal chopsticks as well. One may argue that metal chopsticks are more practical and sanitary since they can be easily washed and used again. Another could maintain that since Koreans mostly use a spoon to eat their rice, they can use the more slippery chopsticks to eat their other dishes. It is true that it is significantly harder to eat rice and noodles with metal chopsticks. Whatever the explanation, metal chopsticks are uniquely Korean.

Information from www.thechopstickstore.com 

"Chopstick users remain more likely than we are to use their hands as aids in eating but it is not at all advisable to get them greasy: chopsticks, and especially the lacquered chopsticks common in Japan and Korea, are extremely difficult to manage with slippery fingers. Porcelain spoons are used for soups and the more liquid dishes; children are allowed to use spoons for everything until they are about three or four years old, when chopstick training begins.

The problem that Westerners experience is often the result of attempts to eat rice with chopsticks from flat plates: the small bowl raised towards a face is far easier to manage with the proper zest. Chinese themselves, given food on a  flat plate, prefer to use a porcelain spoon (to stand in for its sister, the bowl). This spoon, like a bowl, has a flat bottom, so they can be laid down without spilling the contents.

 The kind of food we ourselves eat, together with the way we cook and serve it, predisposes us to use knives, forks, and spoons, and our idea of what constitutes "place setting "also influences our food choices. Oriental food is cut up in the kitchen so they can be eaten with chopsticks – but also, as Barthe points out, chopsticks came into being because each mouthful is regarded as comestable partly because it is small; being confronted with a large slab meet on the dish can be a disgusting experience for people from rice – and – chopstick cultures. In addition, rice – growing is a land use which reduces the amount of fuel available, so that meat and vegetables must usually be cooked quickly to save wood. Cutting them up small facilitates stir-frying and other quick-cooking methods.

But unfortunately there is an ecological price to pay for this, as hundreds of millions of trees are chopped down every year to supply throwaway chopstick wood– in 1987, 20 billion chopsticks were used and discarded in Japan alone.  It has never been acceptable to return bitten morsels of meat, vegetables, or fish to the common dish; but because the bowl of rice is "private territory, "a piece of meat or vegetable maybe held in chopsticks and bitten, and the rest put down on the rice in the bowl, to be finished later. One must never, in Japan, stick the chopsticks up right in the rice. This is done only when offerings are made by Buddhist mourners for their dead: standing chopsticks are rather like our own taboos about an empty chair at the table.

The kind of food we ourselves eat, together with the way we cook and serve it, predisposes us to use knives, forks, and spoons, and our idea of what constitutes "place setting "also influences our food choices.

With perfect propriety one lifts the small china bowl in the left-hand and sweeps the contents into the mouth with precise, busy movements of the two sticks together, held in the right. Barthe's delicate gestures suddenly become swift and purely efficient; the bowl held under the chopsticks is moved dexterously about so as to prevent food spills. We ourselves are surprised to see this done because we are never allowed to lift dishes containing solid food – and we count soup, unless it is in a cup, as "solid food"-- to our lips; we gave up doing this and when we agreed that formal politeness involves using our cutlery.

The Chinese may be thought of as treating the little bowl like a cross between a teacup any large spoon, with the chopsticks as "helpers. "Table manners always impose difficult restraints: "if you rattle your chopsticks against the bowl," says the Chinese proverb, "you and your descendants will always be poor." Whatever happens, however, at an ordinary meal every single grain of rice in one's bowl must be eaten before dinner is over. Leaving rice is a disgusting behavior, because it shows a lack of knowledge of one's own appetite in the first place, together with greed for meat and vegetables, and no respect for rice – its culture, its history, and the hard work that has been involved in getting it to the table.

Rice is never to be gripped, lifted, and eaten grain by grain, as Western novices in the art of chopstick-handling find themselves doing with so much frustration and so many complaints. "Picking "at one's food is very rude, in fact, for Oriental manners, more than our own, demand demonstrations of delight and pleasure in eating, and inept fiddling with one's chopsticks is apt to be interpreted not merely as a want of competence but as a depressing unwillingness as well." – Margaret Visser, The Rituals of Dinner

Compiled and submitted by the late- Demita Usher of Social Graces and Savoir Faire

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia