Practice Makes Polite

Because we have a deep-grounded belief that manners, like charity, should begin at home, we are beginning this with what we consider the essentials of this all-important subject.

Manners Improve with Practice

TUCKED away obscurely at the back of most books of etiquette you will usually find a modest page or two about good manners in the home. Perhaps this is because we are supposed to be beautifully behaved within our own doors. Whether or not the assumption is correct, home is decidedly the best laboratory of good manners. Like dancing, skating, golfing and tennis, the little niceties of conduct improve with frequent practice. The people with whom we associate most intimately in our every day lives suffer most if our conduct is thoughtless, and benefit most if it is considerate. Because we have a deep-grounded belief that manners, like charity, should begin at home, we are beginning this little book with what we consider the essentials of this all-important subject.

The Essentials

The very fundamentals of right behavior at home are kindness, appreciation, and respect for the individuality of others. It is not enough to feel kindly– you must act kindly! Be as thoughtful of your husband in the matter of the morning paper as you are in the case of a business disaster. And be as scrupulous about thanking him for opening the door for you as you are when he brings home the new book you so much wanted. It is not enough to respect the individuality of the grown-up members of the family. The age at which a child develops a personality has never been determined exactly. We believe that he comes into the world with it. This personality should be respected– it is what makes him different from anyone else– and it is important!

Never ridicule anyone young or old. The habit of refraining from ridicule will make your home happier and assure you many friends. Never discuss an unpleasant subject at meal times– this will protect the family digestions and save doctor's bills. Do not correct the children in the presence of the family any more than can be helped. And never ... never ... never ... contradict an order given by your husband, if you are a wife, or by your wife, if you are a husband. Husbands and wives should present a united front to their households as well as to the world. If they must have a good healthy quarrel once in a while, let them have it behind closed doors.

Do not unburden your troubles on the members of your family. When real sympathy is needed you may ask for it or give it, but a wife has no right to upset her husband's equanimity because Tommy has been disobedient during the day, nor is a husband justified in inflicting upon his wife a long, sad tale concerning the inefficiency of his stenographer.

Keep up a standard of dress and manners, all day, every day ...remember England has maintained her empire by means of the boiled shirt. Self control is a matter of habit... so is the custom of expressing kindness, which is another way of saying courtesy. When the family is dining at home, the table should be as pretty as possible, and if you are a woman be sure to make some little change in your dress for dinner, if it is only to throw a gay scarf over your shoulders. Then make an effort to be agreeable, so that dinner will be a pleasant interval in the day. If there should be servants present, do not discuss personal matters. Some servants are the supreme expression of loyalty... and some are not. Make a habit of these fundamentals of good manners at home, if for no other reason than because it is the best possible training for good behavior in public. – Etiquette: The Well Bred Way of Doing Things, By Edna Borden Lowe, 1939

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia