Gilded Age Seashore Etiquette

No stockings? How vulgar! “I feel bound to advise any girl reader to abstain from bathing in company of lover, friend or male acquaintance on general principles...” — Miss Libbey, on “Seashore Etiquette,” 1900

Sea Bathing

Miss Libbey is an authority on the proprieties of sea bathing. It appears that “Two Young Girls,” having heard of Laura Jean as one freighted down with seashore etiquette, wrote to Miss Libbey, asking, “Should young girls go bathing with male escorts?” and, likewise, “Would it be considered vulgar to go into the surf without stockings?”

Ever kindly and given to loaning wisdom from her store, the charitable and impassioned authoress made haste to warn the puzzled maidens against any sockless tempting of Neptune. “I feel bound to advise any girl reader to abstain from bathing in company of lover, friend or male acquaintance on general principles. In the first place, even a pronounced beauty can, and often does, look hideous in the water. A man sees her at her worst, which is not advisable, and he never forgets the ludicrous picture she makes.”

As to the hose, they are indeed a necessary adjunct to the bathing suit, if you would be modestly and properly clad. “Exuberance of spirits is all very well among a number of young girls disporting among the waves (here we bow to an old friend in the matter of phrases), but when gentlemen are present take great care not to become boisterous, for they will most assuredly take their cue as to how they will behave from you.”– The Evening Sentinel, 1900 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Appropriate Attire

One can at least dress characteristically, and so bring out the ideals to which one gives adherence. 

One should always have the appearance of being "well-groomed." It is a minor matter to add to habits of personal cleanliness, which every man and woman of refinement adheres to with scrupulous conscientiousness, that attention to the little details and finishing touches of dressing, which give the impression conveyed in that graphic expression "well-groomed." The niceties of life are always matters of small care but great moment.

The aim to be beautiful is a legitimate one, and worthy of the attention of every lover of beauty. To make the most of one's self, both for one's own sake and that of those about one, is a duty. Much can be done if good taste is consulted, and one's salient good points studied and emphasized. One can at least dress characteristically, and so bring out the ideals to which one gives adherence.

For instance, the business woman, in business hours, dresses with that same effort after efficiency and economy of time and strength that she has to put into her business to make it successful. She is, therefore, besides being scrupulously neat, perfectly plainly and yet durably and comfortably dressed. The sudden storm does not catch her unprepared, for she cannot afford to lose even an hour's work next day because she "caught cold." She permits no fussing with her garments, therefore they have to be in perfect working order, as fussing takes time, and time is money. Her hair is done neatly, and as becomingly as possible, but securely for the day.

If, on the other hand, the business woman be a milliner, whose own artistic personality must be her best advertisement, she takes pains to dress artistically even though she wear less serviceable and more elaborate costumes. She should, however, give the same impression of neatness and businesslike serviceableness, with the additional artistic impression which is going to show her customer that she knows how to bring out the telling points in her own personality, and create a charming effect.

The housewife needs, in her choice of morning garments, the same effectiveness as the business woman, for she must also work with real efficiency; but, in addition, she needs to give the impression of homelike abandon, as well as beauty and grace, which shall appear restful. – Edith Ordway, The Etiquette of To-Day, 1918

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Spaghetti Etiquette

Left– Old Italian artwork in background on a 1992 magazine cover, shows how pasta was once eaten properly — Today, spaghetti-eating etiquette demand forks. Fists full of wet pasta are simply not acceptable on any 'civilized' occasion.

“A North American father, presumably initiating his son, aged 15, into the world of adult business affairs, took him out to what the boy described as 'a big dinner meeting.' When the company was served spaghetti, the boy ate it with his hands. 'I would slurp it up and put it in my mouth,' he admitted. 'My dad took some grief about it.' The October 1985 newspaper article does not describe the response of the rest of the company. The son was sent to a boarding school to learn how to behave. 'When we have spaghetti,' he announced later, 'you roll it up real tightly on your fork and put it in your mouth with the fork.'

What he described, after having learned it, is the dinner-table ritual --as automatic and unquestioned by every participant in it, as impossible to gainsay, as the artificial rules and preferences which every cannibal society has upheld. Practical reasons can be found for it, most of them having to do with neatness, cleanliness, and noiselessness. Because these three general principles are so warmly encouraged in our culture, having been arrived at, as ideals to be striven for, after centuries of struggle and constraint, we simply never doubt that everyone who is right-minded will find a spaghetti eating companion disgusting and impossible to eat with where even one of them is lacking. 

Yet we know from paintings and early photographs of spaghetti eaters in 19th century Naples (where the modern version of spaghetti comes from) that their way of eating pasta was with their hands-- not that the dish was likely to appear at a formal dinner. You had to raise the strings in your right hand, throwback your head, then lower the strings, dexterously with dispatch, and without slurping (there are invariably 'polite' and 'rude' ways of eating), into your open mouth. The spaghetti in the picture does not seem to have sauce on it.

Today, spaghetti-eating manners demand forks, and fist fulls of wet pasta are simply not acceptable on any 'civilized' occasion. The son's ignorance cast a dark reflection upon his father: he had not been doing his duty, had not given his child a proper 'upbringing.' Even if the boy had not seen spaghetti before, he subsequently admitted that what he ought to have done was to look about him, watch how other people were eating this awkward food, and imitate them. In any case, the options were clearer after this demonstration of an ineptitude: either the boy learns his table manners, or he would not be asked to 'a big dinner meeting' again by anyone who had heard of his unfinished education.” Margaret Visser, The Rituals of Dinner

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian Valentine Etiquette

The comic Valentine, when the joke is kind is all right, but when one is sent that which is insulting and personal, it goes against the spirit of the day. 

Valentines Not Out of Date 

“IN place of going out of date, Valentines are gaining in popularity,” said a manufacturer of these conceits. “We don't like to make any show of sentiment in this practical age, so the old-fashioned, foolishly sweet affairs are not used. No longer may the too bashful swain get behind good St. Valentine to make a declaration of love.”

Neither is it good form to make it a spite day. The comic Valentine, when the joke is kind is all right, but when one is sent that which is insulting and personal, it goes against the spirit of the day. The once popular lace-trimmed Valentines are a thing of the past. Children have taken possession of these. The lover now sends his lady fair an offering of flowers, bonbons, fruit, a book, a picture or any dainty holiday gift. Where an engagement exists, often a piece of jewelry is sent.

It is considered better taste not to put any card on Valentine gifts. The identity of the sender should be shrouded in doubt. This adds piquancy to the occasion. Of course, the woman in the case is usually a good guesser. There is only one time-honored way to send any card or comic Valentine and that is to have it slipped under the door on St. Valentine eve. 

It must not under any circumstances be intrusted to Uncle Sam and have the prosaic adornment of a postage stamp unless the sender lives at a distance. Then it is pardonable because unavoidable, but a part of the flavor is lost when it has to come through such a channel. 

Even flowers and candy are left on the doorstep by a messenger boy, who runs away in the friendly darkness and watches from a distance to see that the offering is taken in. 

The etiquette of Valentines decrees that no woman shall make a present to even her dearest female friend on this day, nor must a man give anything to another man. 

This etiquette does not apply to comic Valentines, but to presents of any description. It is a day sacred to lovers, and no one else must trespass on their privileges. Neither does a woman remember a man friend with even the most trifling souvenir. There is no hint of Leap Year prerogatives in this old-fashioned day.— San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age St. Valentine's Etiquette

She Juggles Hearts and Money Bags ~ Today you see the shops decked out with pretty tokens, satin trifles and all sorts of sweet-smelling gifts. There are verse books written also for the day, and the windows are filled with trifles, costly and otherwise. The etiquette of a Saint Valentine gift has changed somewhat in the last 1000 years.

From the time the custom of observing Saint Valentine's day began, it has grown, and now this gift day is almost a holiday. It is celebrated in the social world by gatherings and in the trade world by a great variety of pretty tokens, offered for personal gifts. And so Saint Valentine is not forgotten, though so many hundred years have passed since his death. 

It would be impossible to tell how the custom of honoring Saint Valentine will change in the next hundred years. Today you see the shops decked out with pretty tokens, satin trifles and all sorts of sweet-smelling gifts. There are verse books written also for the day, and the windows are filled with trifles, costly and otherwise. The etiquette of a Saint Valentine gift has changed somewhat in the last 1000 years. 

At the beginning of the ninth century a Valentine was a proposal of marriage, and consisted of a herd of cattle for the very wealthy swain and a slain sheep for the poor one. Lovers in the warm countries sent gifts of wine, and in the orient they sent perfumes, for there is no country to which the fame of Saint Valentine has not traveled. 

The most popular gift today is a figure picture. There is no handsomer token that a box upon which a pretty girl stands, with arms out stretched, juggling hearts and money bags. In looking upon her Valentine's gifts, the maiden of Valentine's day, 1898, cannot do better than pick a moral from the fame of Saint Valentine. He chose love as his theme, and lives forever in the heart, while unworthy Croesus and his wealthy Roman associates, who looked upon gold, not wisely but too greedily, are held afar off as objects of scorn. —Harry Germaine, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Russian Etiquette

In Russia there are several institutions which retain an oriental flavor and the fact that the Czarina is always surrounded by an imposing bevy of unmarried women is a case in point. At least fifty young women, all the daughters of great Nobles pay her personal service.

Russian Maids of Honor

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An Academy at Moscow Where They Are Trained — Must be Able to Sew, Read Aloud for Hours and Stand for Indefinite Periods

Speaking of the Russian schools, there is one academy at Moscow which is unique in its way. I am sure that a similar institution does not exist in any other country, says the Philadelphia Times. "It is a school for young ladies of high birth, whose parents desire that they shall become Maids of Honor at the Imperial Court. 

The English Queen has only six or eight Maids of Honor, and I believe the Royal attendants of that description are even fewer in number at Courts where there is a Queen Regnant, Queen Regent or Queen Consort of first-class rank. Of course, by "Queens" I also mean "Empresses." 

All the reigning Consorts who have the Imperial title are also Queens. Empress Elizabeth of Austria is also Queen of Hungary; Empress Alexandria of Russia is Queen of Poland; Empress Augusta Victoria of Germany is also Queen of Prussia and Queen Victoria is also Empress of India. In Russia there are several institutions which retain an oriental flavor and the fact that the Czarina is always surrounded by an imposing bevy of unmarried women is a case in point. At least fifty young women, all the daughters of great Nobles pay her personal service. They are in two ranks, "Cipher" and "Portrait," distinctions which I will presently explain. 

Candidates for the position of Maids of Honor to the Empress have their names registered by a Court official, whose title might be translated as "Overseer of the Maids." This is often done a day or two after the birth of the aspiring young ladies. At the age of ten they enter the official school of the Maids of Honor and there they are taught everything pertaining to the Court, as well as everything that goes to make a well-educated young gentlewoman. 

The girls must acquire the art of legible writing and be able to correspond fluently not only in Russian, but in English, German, French and Italian. They must be able to take dictation in all those languages rapidly. They are also expected to become familiar not only with the routine etiquette of their own and foreign Courts, but they must learn rules of prudence, delicate distinctions of rank and other intricacies of Court life, almost impossible to explain to those who have not been born in the atmosphere of the purple. 

Future Maids of Honor are also required to be not only clever at embroidery but capable, if necessary, of ordinary domestic stitching. While in attendance there are always possibilities of a ready needle being required for the Empress or a Grand Duchess. They are also expected to know how to order a dinner and how to direct cooks in the way of preparing dishes favored by Imperial personages. They must have a capacity of being able to read aloud for hours if necessary, without undue fatigue; being able to stand for indefinite periods; of being able to reecive snubbings, scoldings, even abuse with patient composure, and finally they must inculcate within them the fact that an Empress or Grand Duchess is a personage almost divine in attribute. 

All these accomplishments acquired —or apparently acquired— it remains with a Maid of Honor lastly to be of such favor in her features, her general appearance and her dress that she enforces attraction from the Empress or from one of the other half-dozen Grand Duchesses of Russia, who are permitted to have the second pick of the Maids of Honor, after the Czarina has finished her own appointment. 

Before, however, such appointment can be ratified, the Czar himself inspects the candidates. Indeed, at various periods the Czar makes a point of visiting the school and generally "looks over" the girls. The Czarina's Maids of Honor enjoy a barbaric splendor of costume that far exceeds anything to be seen at any other European Court. A white satin robe stretches from chin to toes, the buttons up the front being set with precious stones. Over this is thrown a sort of red velvet cloak, embroidered with gold and having long pendant sleeves. On their heads rests the kakochnik or national cap of crimson velvet, thickly studded with jewels, from the summit of which hangs a veil of white tulle that spreads half way over the voluminous train. This gorgeous array is donned on all State occasions until the wearer passes from the "Cipher" to the "Portrait" stage of promotion. 

The juniors wear for some years on their left shoulders the monogram of their mistress worked in pale blue silk, but after a period of service they substitute for this the portrait of the Empress framed in brilliants and exchange their crimson and gold for a less radiant cap of green and silver. 

While receiving their education they wear plain woolen frocks, with frilled silk aprons, but these dresses are so contrived that the upper part of the bodices and the long sleeves can be removed at will. Whenever the Czar visits the schools all the girls appear decollete. —  Sacramento Daily Union and Philadelphia Times, 1896

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette, Engagement Traditions

We usually find that a young lady's spinster friends are partial to the custom; they seem to find particular enjoyment in presenting her with dainty tea-cups, either separately or in sets.

There is an old tradition regarding the giving of tea-cups as an engagement present. A lover, who was obliged to go away on an extended sea journey, gave to his betrothed a delicate china cup, asking her to drink tea from it every afternoon. He said, "If I am unfaithful, the cup will fill to overbrimming and the tea pouring over the sides will crack the thin china. Then you will know I have broken faith."

The custom has been brought down to us, and now we find that the giving of a tea-cup or a tea-set as an engagement present signifies faithfulness—and it may mean faithfulness to friendship or love as the case may be. We usually find that a young lady's spinster friends are partial to the custom; they seem to find particular enjoyment in presenting her with dainty tea-cups, either separately or in sets. — Lillian Eichler, 1921

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Georgian Era Tea Etiquette

Etiquette demanded that the tea should be tasted from the spoon, and that the hostess should then inquire: “Is your tea agreeable?”

“Tea Drinking a Century Ago”

as it was told in 1899

A hundred years ago it was considered a lack of courtesy to take much cream or sugar in one's tea. Etiquette demanded that the tea should be tasted from the spoon, and that the hostess should then inquire: “Is your tea agreeable?”

Modern women would be shocked by a fashionable lady of those days who cooled her tea with her breath, yet Young wrote of a certain bewildering Lady Betty: Her two red lips affected zephyrs blow, To cool the Bohea and inflame the beau; While one white finger and a thumb conspire, To lift the cup and make the world admire. – Sacramento Daily Union, 1899

 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©Etiquette Encyclopedia