New Etiquette for Hollywood Needed?

Evidently the photographer was still hanging around when Shelley Winters showed up at the police station to claim her man!

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have a slew of etiquette books. I have old, collectable books, vintage books, antiquarian books, and even a few new ones hanging around. My favorites are the vintage etiquette books. I especially love any original tomes by Amy Vanderbilt, Letitia Baldrige and Miss Manners. Those are true gems. Whenever I am looking for new things to post, or reading submitted articles, I find things that are well written, funny and honestly helpful with regard to “new etiquette.” This one is a gem! In our celebrity obsessed culture, this plea for new etiquette, from 1957, was a refreshing reminder of just how innocent the 1950s seemed.

New Book Needed? 

"MY GOOD deed for this day is a gratis presentation of a million dollar idea to Amy Vanderbilt and her host of imitators. The etiquette authorities, in their eagerness to transform us into a nation of Fauntleroys and Miss Prisses have somehow overlooked a virgin territory ripe for their ministrations. The ladies have prescribed the ground rules for every social contingency (rum apple bobbing to zebra hunting), but they have let their public down woefully on a 'Book of Etiquette As She Is Practiced in Hollywood.' 

THERE IS a crying well, maybe, a screaming need for such a tome. Such a volume, if written by Mme. Fearless Fairless, would clear up the justifiable confusions that assail the civilian or non-Hollywood mind when Miss Shelley Winters (the inflammable Bernhardt of the screen), and her fiance, Anthony Franciosa, who is incadescent on his own, became entangled with (1) a news photographer and (2) with the law. The nuances of Hollywood social usage and the delicate shadings of custom in the cinema capital are splendidly illustrated by this fracas and also the necessity of a book that will explain these tribal taboos to outlanders. 

TO BEGIN WITH Miss Winters and Franciosa have made no secret of their betrothal in any Broadway or theatre gossip column which would print the word. Nor has the phrase "Festively Top Secret" been stamped on the news that they would be wedded once the fiance was divorced by his wife. Furthermore, Miss Winters has never shown any more repugnance to being photographed by the press than, say, Jayne Mansfield. So when Miss Winters and her fiance went publicly and together to the Superior Court Building in Los Angeles to make an open and public bid on a home in Beverly Hills, a news photographer started to take a routine picture of the pair.

THIS IS WHERE the plot thickens and confusion reigns for us barbarians beyond the hills of Hollywood. The attempt to take a picture of Miss Winters and Franciosa together obviously fractured a strictly cinema social taboo. It caused Franciosa to fall upon the photographer and aim a placekick at his groin. And caused the law to jail Franciosa. "We can't have our pictures taken! He is still getting a divorce!" screamed Miss Winters. "He doesn’t want to be photographed because he doesn't want any scandal!” Sure enough, Franciosa was getting a divorce, on that very day. (Or rather, his wife received such a decree in Reno.)

ANYWAY, there you have the epitome of the delicate social usages that make Hollywood a trap for the unwary and a book of etiquette a necessity. Apparently, one of the basic rules says that if one is engaged to a man in the process of getting a divorce, it is all right to say it in print but not in pictures. That would constitute scandal. Of course, any book of etiquette is one-tenth politesse and nine-tenths anthropology. So my nominee as the author to tackle Hollywood's etiquette problems is Anthropologist Margaret Mead. Her study of the natives of Samoa made her world famous and ought to prepare her handsomely for research among the Holly-woodenheads." — Inez Robb for The Dessert Sun, May 4, 1957

By site contributor, Maura J. Graber. Etiquette and antique silver enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is generally annoyed by pleas for “new etiquette.” Oh yes, and she edits, publishes and maintains the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia blog!

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Italian Etiquette with Galatime II

At the same time we can also decorate the table with small and harmonious ceramic objects (see for example in the photos the delight of the small Oriente Italiano egg by Ginori 1735 in periwinkle colour), but we avoid using fish-themed decorations if it is a meat dinner or using too much silver if it’s a rustic lunch. It is also possible to use a centerpiece that includes flowers, fruit or even vegetables; in the evening the combination of candles and flowers is permitted, but is mostly recommended for weddings.

From the new book by contributors, Petra Carsetti and Carlo Cambi, 

“Galatime ACT II: Life as a stage of elegance”

Many are unaware that candles during the day should not be used, not even for the centerpiece. They are only allowed for evening meals (usually after 8) and must be not too high (for the same principle as the flowers), nor too low not to make the hands and cuffs of the diners hot; the candles will be lit before sitting at the table and turned off when everyone has left, never in the presence of diners.

At the same time we can also decorate the table with small and harmonious ceramic objects (see for example in the photos the delight of the small Oriente Italiano egg by Ginori 1735 in periwinkle colour), but we avoid using fish-themed decorations if it is a meat dinner or using too much silver if it’s a rustic lunch. It is also possible to use a centerpiece that includes flowers, fruit or even vegetables; in the evening the combination of candles and flowers is permitted, but is mostly recommended for weddings.

We think that a beautiful table is the functional one and without ostentation: the furniture of the table with its elements of quality - even if few and not necessarily luxury - are just as important- as many as the quality of the ingredients of a menu! Menu that is key in organizing a successful invitation.

The first reason why it is good to prepare the menu in advance is that among our guests there may be vegetarian, vegan people, with intolerances and allergies or with religious precepts such as to require them to avoid certain foods. Thinking about suitable recipes means first of all having respect for our diners but also then not having problems in the kitchen having to make up for it with a delicious recipe at the last moment. If this were to happen, it would deprive us of the opportunity to be with our guests in serenity and for as long as we want to allow each other.— By Petra Carsetti and Carlo Cambi, 2023

Petra Carsetti was born into a gastronomic minded family… true lovers of excellent foods and wines. From an early age she showed a great passion for the table, which she later developed by working in important, well-known Italian restaurants. Since 2005, she has written many books on food and wine, along with guides to Italian restaurants, specializing also in galateo and etiquette at the Accademia Italiana Galateo and ANCEP (the Association of Ceremonialists for Public Institute). She teaches etiquette in schools to adults and children, is a consultant for various political and economic authorities, and she has a weekly column in a historic newspaper. She also writes for various other newspapers, is a frequent television guest and is very active on Instagram @galateopetra_carsetti

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Washington DC Hostesses

“The job of hostess to the Vice President-elect was filled. Possibly spurred on by applications from eager ladies (‘I didn't know whether they wanted to marry me or hire out to me’), Alben Berkley named his daughter, Mrs. Max Truitt.” ~ TIME Magazine, November 29, 1948 – Image of “Mrs. Max Truitt” from Truman Library. gov

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The Vice President’s daughter was always referred to as “Mrs. Max Truitt” in the press, as at that time, married women were always referred to as “Mrs.” Followed by the names of their husbands. That rule was not relaxed until 30 years later when the “Guidelines for News-writing about Women,” was compiled by Stanford University Women’s News Service and released and circulated to media outlets and to women’s groups in 1978. It took another 30 years or more for it to become commonplace in many parts of the United States. ‘“Prefixes indicating marital status should be avoided.” Why? What about the woman who is proud to be Mrs. John Doe, along with any other accomplishments?’ lamented one Southern California, female journalist at the time.

‘Dolly-Alice’ Social Row May Disappoint Ladies of Washington D.C.

CAPITAL HOSTESSES, who haven't enjoyed a good social row since the days of Dolly Gann and Alice Longworth's spat over who should sit where at dinner, have been glowing with anticipation over the problem of who will be Vice President Barkley's official hostess, and where she will rank at official dinners. Vice President Barkley, like Vice President Charlie Curtis, is a widower. That was why Curtis' half-sister, Mrs. Edward Everett Gann, was made his official hostess.

And it was the question of whether the vice president's sister or the wife of Speaker Longworth preceded the other at dinner which threw social Washington into such a hubbub during the Hoover administration. However, Alben Barkley may disappoint the ladies. Alben is not averse to going out to dinner. In fact, he is in great demand. But he doesn't relish social rows.

Furthermore, his counterpart is also single Speaker-to-be Sam Rayburn. Close friends, Sam and Alben have been going out together as widowers for so long that the idea of their rowing over protocol brings smiles to those who know them.

Barkley Sam was married once, so Rayburn long ago that most people think he was always a bachelor. He has no official hostess and doesn't intend to have one. Barkley says he’s had a “number of applicants” for the Job, but if he needs an official hostess, he will draft his daughter, gracious Mrs. Max Truitt. — By Drew Pearson for The Minneapolis Star, Nov 18, 1948

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tea Etiquette: Reading the Leaves

"Floating tea leaves mean 'watch for strangers coming.' To tell the gender and the day of arrival, put them on the back of one hand and tap with the back of the other until they adhere - each tap is one day - and if they are soft leaves it is a woman; if hard, a man." 

The story of tea is as strange and as fascinating as any that one can read. A prehistoric event dating back some five thousand years is bound to be shrouded in many mysteries, but the exceptional qualities of tea are such that many legends developed concerning its beginnings. A highly civilized people like the Chinese considered it a special gift from heaven. In India, too, it was much the same. In Japan a special ceremony grew around it. This habit of drinking tea is the only purely Asian custom which commands universal interest. Through it the East and West have met - in a teacup! 

Its introduction had a charming influence on our Western culture, even though a great deal of smuggling and piracy helped to bring it about. Discriminating Chinese taste insisted that tea should be drunk from porcelain; and this subsequently had a tremendous effect on world trade and the voyages of clipper ships. Art, politics, and religion were all involved.

All this mystery and adventure stirred up many superstitions. Even today some tea companies attach a little saying to each teabag, such as:

"To stir tea in the pot is to stir up strife."

"Floating tea leaves mean 'watch for strangers coming.' To tell the gender and the day of arrival, put them on the back of one hand and tap with the back of the other until they adhere - each tap is one day - and if they are soft leaves it is a woman; if hard, a man." 

Fortune-telling from tea leaves is not solely a gypsy custom. Many people have read meanings into the shapes and groups of leaves that form in the bottom of the cup - how accurately is, of course, another matter. — By Patricia Easterbrook Roberts, 1967

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Funeral Floral Etiquette

Flowers may be sent to either the house or the church. Flowers can be carried to the burial place if the family so desires. White flowers like lilies, carnations and chrysanthemums are some of the most popular and traditional funeral flowers for faith-based, religious services. The lily represents the spirit of a deceased loved one and it is said that lilies offer hope. Any flowers which are fragrant and long-lasting flowers are ideal. According to the language of flowers, white carnations mean “Innocence” and “Purity.” While white is the most purchased color in the United States, other colors can hold special significance. For example, pink carnations translate to thoughts of remembrance. A favorite color of the deceased loved one can also be a good choice, especially if the loved one being mourned lived a long, full life. Mums, or Chrysanthemums, symbols for grief, are good choices when the family in mourning is Japanese, Korean or Chinese.

Question: To whom does one address flowers sent to a funeral?

Answer: Either to the head of the family or to the person who may be considered the chief mourner. If there are several sisters or brothers, the flowers may be sent to the one whom one knows best. Flowers may be sent to either the house or the church.

Question: Should all flowers be carried to the burial place?

Answer: Only if the family so desires.

–Imperial Valley Press, May 1931

 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Formal 1930’s Dinners

The maids in black or gray dresses and with white aprons, if they are well trained, can serve a dinner equally as well as butlers in evening clothes and footmen in livery.

Question: If maid servants are employed, how is a formal dinner served?

Answer: A formal dinner is served in exactly the same way by maids, as by men servants. The maids in black or gray dresses and with white aprons, if they are well-trained, can serve a dinner equally as well as butlers in evening clothes and footmen in livery. Most dinners in large cities take place at 7:30 or 8 o'clock and consist from four to five courses. – From “Standard Rules of Etiquette,” 1931

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Bride’s vs Wedding Cake Etiquette, 1931

According to Emily Post, a wedding cake was the chief ornament of a wedding table – “Dear Mrs. Post: Is it necessary to have a wedding cake on a buffet table at the wedding reception, in addition to the small boxes of wedding cake that are to be stacked on a table for the guests to take home with them? Answer: Yes. As a rule the wedding cake is the chief ornament of the wedding table. I have never, as a matter of fact, seen a wedding table without one.”

Question: What is the difference between the bride's cake and the wedding cake?

Answer: The bride's cake is the large white cake, elaborately decorated, and containing the traditional, ring, thimble and coin. The bride cuts the first slice and the cake is served to the guests.

Wedding cake is the rich black fruit cake, slices of which are placed in little individual white boxes, bearing the initials of the bride and groom, and given to each guest.– From “Standard Rules of Etiquette,” 1931

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wedding Correspondence Etiquette

If the wedding is to be so small that no engraved invitations are used, the notes of invitation should be personally written by the bride.

Question: When may a written note be used as an invitation to a wedding?

Answer: If the wedding is to be so small that no engraved invitations are used, the notes of invitation should be personally written by the bride.

Question: When are wedding announcements sent?

Answer: If no general invitations were sent to the church, the announcement of the marriage is sent to the entire visiting list of both the bride's and the groom's family. – Imperial Valley Press, March, 1931

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia