Etiquette of the Table in 1904

During an entire dinner olives, salted almonds, radishes, and similar relishes may be passed. These are the only articles of food on the table when guests take their seats.

The place plates alone in a modern home with any claim to be thought fashionable may easily cost a hundred dollars a dozen. Very exquisite place plates may be bought for a quarter of that sum, it is true. But that single item gives the clue to the extravagance of much twentieth century table furnishing.

The place plates are supposed to stand under the soup plates, and under any course where it is desired to have them. They often are used at dessert as well as in the beginning of a meal.

A dinner served in courses consists of soup, fish, roast, salad, and dessert. These are the indispensable courses. A ceremonious dinner, however, probably begins with a tiny bit of caviare on a tiny bit of toast.

This is succeeded by fruit: melons, peaches, strawberries, or grape fruit may be served for this course. The fruit must be in perfection, must have been on the ice, must itself tempt the eye as well as the palate.

Next, served on a bed of crushed ice, with silver forks that come on purpose, will be a course of oysters or small clams on the half shell. Oyster plates with hollows for the shell come for this course.

Succeeding the oysters we have a delicate clear soup. The hostess may serve it from a silver tureen, or it may be brought in on soup plates and set before the individual guests.

Next follows fish. This may be served by the host, or it may be arranged in a dainty mince and served in shells to the separate guests. If the former way is chosen, potatoes very daintily cooked may accompany it.

During an entire dinner olives, salted almonds, radishes, and similar relishes may be passed. These are the only articles of food on the table when guests take their seats.

After the fish there may be an entrée or two of some delicate dish, but the roast is now the proper thing in order. It may be turkey, beef, mutton or lamb. Whatever it is the host may carve it, if he please, and the waiter receive the portions from him and carry them to the guests.

In many houses the lady of the house is first served, and next the guest of honor, who is the lady at the right of the host. Ladies are helped before gentlemen.

The carving is often done in the kitchen, or the butler's pantry, the host being altogether relieved from this duty.

With the roast several vegetables are served. A salad follows the roast, and with the salad cheese and small crackers are served.

The dessert follows the salad, and black coffee concludes the repast. A dinner of this kind should be served in very leisurely style. No fuss, no hurry, above all no noise or confusion must characterize a ceremonious dinner.

The dessert usually consists of tarts, ices, fruit, and bon-bons. Frequently there is a final course, after the sweets, consisting of cheese and toasted crackers.

Invited to dinner, one accepts or declines immediately. Good manners forbid delay in responding to a dinner invitation.

Good manners ordain that only extreme illness or a great calamity in one's family or affecting one's own person shall permit one to break a dinner engagement.

If one necessarily falls out of a dinner party, and the place at the last moment has to be supplied, a very intimate friend or a neighbor may be requested to take the vacant place, but the circumstances must be explained, and the agreement to help the hostess out at the eleventh hour constitutes a real social favor.

Children never come in at a ceremonious dinner. Very occasionally they are permitted to enter the room at dessert, but as generally the hour is far beyond their bedtime this is in doubtful taste.— From “Good Manners for All Occasion,” by Margaret Sangster, 1904

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and “Ghosting” Others

Ghosting People is Certainly Not Etiquette-ful

Ghosting people, abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation, often refers to romantic relationships, but equally applies to friendships and even family and workplace relationships.

If there has been steady communication and suddenly you stop responding, the other person feels rejected, dropped, and even betrayed.  There is no “break up” and no closure. It’s a terrible feeling!

The Etiquette-ful Way

It’s only polite, considerate, and respectful to let someone know that you aren’t interested in continuing your relationship as it is currently.  Regardless, you don’t want to make an enemy for life, so the way in which you shift your relationship is vital. 

Etiquette is always relational, situational, and contextual, so thinking ahead of time about how you want to come out on this can help.

• Relationally, fostering connection is a goal, and that means acknowledging the things you like and have appreciated about the other person. 
• Situationally, things have changed, and it is time to cut back on the time you spend with the person in question. 
• Contextually, your new rules and how you regulate yourself will be interpreted in context of your new situation. 

In other words, choosing to separate from this person is about you and your needs.  It is not about them or their needs.  When you use “I” statements and avoid “You” statements, blame is shifted and your “responding-ability” is increased.

What to Do Instead of Ghosting People

When a reader wrote to ask if there were a polite way for ghosting people, I had to confess that I have committed that rudeness in the past.  Sometimes, we look for the easiest, smoothest way to exit a situation.  And while it may work in the immediate present, not handling things in a way that honors the needs of both parties involved can come back on us in the future.

There isn’t just one way to separate yourself or end a relationship with someone, and a permanent ending may not be necessary.  But taking the time to decide what the best method is for your situation will be worth it for your peace of mind.

1. Ask to speak with your friend in person, or by phone if you live a distance away.  Be honest, brief, and express appreciation for the relationship you’ve had.
   “Michelle, I appreciate the fun we’ve had in the past, but I’ve realized the best thing for me at this time would be to go our separate ways.  Please know that I wish you the very best.” 
   “Don, I appreciate that you are a fun-loving guy, but my lifestyle is asking me to cut back and focus more on the things that I need in my world.  I think a little space to do that is what I need most right now.”
   ”I love the time we spend together, Marie, but I’m at a place where I need more time for me.  I’d rather just get together once a week or so to catch up and have a meal.  May I call you in a few days to set something up?” 
2. Never blame or shame.
3. Always be silent after you speak and let the other person talk.  Listen, and express that you understand what they are saying. 
4. Remember that “less is more” when responding, and “I am sorry this has hurt you,” is appropriate.
5. Stay positive and let the other person know that you have learned from your relationship.

Whether you or someone else has been ghosted, there will always be confusion.  Empathy should be a number one priority, regardless of which side of the fence you are on. 

There are very few circumstances in which ghosting people is the answer to ending a relationship or taking time to evaluate one.  Being up front and honest in the kindest possible way, will always be appreciated and creates the opportunity for friendly terms in the future.

Contributor Candace Smith, teaches university students and professionals, the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette for Garden Parties

Garden Parties were popular entertainments in the Gilded Age. This photo above is proof that they remained popular well into the 1920’s … 

Above -‘Garden Party’ Photographed by Edward Steichen, 1927 (photo source, Twitter) — As the weather is by no means always to be counted upon to remain fine, it is seldom considered advisable to have the whole of the refreshment tables out of doors, and thus only ices, berries and cream and ice cups are served out of doors. Tea, coffee and the rest, with iceland berries and cream over again, are invariably served within doors. But refreshment tables out of doors considerably take off the strain from the tables in the tearoom, especially during the first half hour, when the great rush is made in this direction.

Manners and Customs Practiced Polite Society:

Garden Parties… The Advantages and Pleasures of These Out of Door Summer Receptions

Town garden parties resolve themselves into large receptions given out of doors, and those who know what crowded drawing rooms imply in the sultry summer days are particularly glad of this change of place. They will willingly spend an hour or more at one of these out of door reunions instead of thinking a quarter of an hour's stay all too long indoors, where it is a case of heat versus draft, and difficult to determine which is the most objectionable experienced in drawing room, bed-room or even on a staircase. Although these functions are designated garden parties, yet the real style and title are ‘at-homes’, the address being sufficient indi- cation to the invited guests as to the description of entertainment to be given.

A band playing in the grounds where the garden party is given would appear to be a sine qua non, but the excellence of the same is merely a question of expense.

As the weather is by no means always to be counted upon to remain fine, it is seldom considered advisable to have the whole of the refreshment tables out of doors, and thus only ices, berries and cream and ice cups are served out of doors. Tea, coffee and the rest, with iceland berries and cream over again, are invariably served within doors. But refreshment tables out of doors considerably take off the strain from the tables in the tearoom, especially during the first half hour, when the great rush is made in this direction.

Even a large tent or marquee is not considered altogether desirable for refreshments, as under a burning sun the air within becomes overheated and oppressive, while in the case of a downpour the results are always disastrous. The popularity of garden parties is incontestable in propitious weather.

Arrivals at a garden party are made al- most simultaneously, or follow in rapid succession, so that host-and hostess have between arrivals and departures an opportunity for a little friendly conversation with many of the guests, while at an ‘at home’ the hostess has to be at her post from 4:30 to 7, as guests arrive continuously even close up to the hour named for departure. The host is usually present at a garden party.

A man in the open air is at his best, and therefore a garden party appeals to a host almost as much as it does to a guest.— San Diego Union and Bee, 1895

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

“New” Tennis Etiquette, 1974

Many players are beginning as adults. They may get a fast run-through of the rules from a pro or a neighbor, and learn that swearing and racquet throwing are not acceptable even in social tennis. What they often don't get are the little subtleties of tennis etiquette that those who have played tennis since they were kids pick up by osmosis.

Do Your Companions Justice on the Court

Tennis has supposedly been a genteel sport with a stringent code. I have witnessed tournaments where spectators were hardly permitted to breathe for fear they might disturb the players. Billie Jean King remembers (March “Good Housekeeping”) that she was excluded from a picture after her first tournament because she had on white shorts instead of the prescribed tennis dress.

Yet a strange contradiction remains. Many of the premier players have been allowed to be big ugly bears on the courts. Tennis officials have now decided to get tough.

In September of 1973 the United States Lawn Tennis Association adopted a new policy. Players who commit flagrant deeds will now be penalized in some tournaments by having their scores reduced. Also on the books is a rule which permits tournament chairmen to withhold prize and-or expense money from players pending a decision on whether they will have to pay fines. Prohibited are swearing at an official; use of obscene language that can be heard by others; throwing a racquet; hitting the ball deliberately toward another player, a spectator or an official; and threats to anyone.

Tennis is an “in,” booming thing. There are 1,000 indoor-tennis clubs, and one more is being built every day. Public and private courts can be seen almost everywhere. Twenty million people now play the game...seven million more than two years ago.

Many players are beginning as adults. They may get a fast run-through of the rules from a pro or a neighbor, and learn that swearing and racquet throwing are not acceptable even in social tennis. What they often don't get are the little subtleties of tennis etiquette that those who have played tennis since they were kids pick up by osmosis.

I talked to Jack Stahr, chairman of the USLTA Umpire's Committee and author of the umpire's handbook, “A Friend at Court.” Stahr made the following suggestions:

1) Provide your share of the balls.

2) Don't walk onto another court to retrieve your ball. Wait until your neighbors have finished playing a point, then ASK for the ball.

3) If your opponent's first serve is no good, don't knock the ball back into his court if you can avoid it.

4) When one player plays a fast game and another plays slowly, a compromise should be worked out.

5) Don't make your opponent wait needlessly while you look for a third ball.

6) The server is responsible for knowing the location of the balls.

7) Players should announce the score at the end of each game, and perhaps several times during each game, to prevent arguments.

8) Don't stall.

9) Light-colored clothes are okay. Bold and clashing colors are “bush.”

10) When you are serving and the first serve goes in, don't discard the ball in a way that will distract your opponent.

11) If the server notices that his first serve might roll back into his opponent's court, he should not serve again until the first ball is removed from the court.

One final point. The tennis club where I play notified members last month that 500 towels had been lifted in five months. I suspect that people who steal towels aren't ready for the more subtle aspects of tennis etiquette. —By Maureen E. Reardon, 1974

🎾Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Divorce Etiquette, Part Two

There recurs to me here a funny little anecdote heard not long ago, when a man died from whom a lovely woman had obtained a divorce after being beggared by him and separated for years. The man had assumed other relations; the woman, however, had been satisfied to remain unincumbered. But little good could have been truthfully said of the deceased. A few days after his funeral an old and very dear friend called on the newly widowed divorcee. “My dear,” she said sympathetically, “so he’s dead after all these years. I did not know what to write, whether to condole or to congratulate you, so came myself. I feel like the old country parson who was called upon to bury a man who had been lynched for horse stealing. He could not say anything good of the man, and his conscience would not allow him to say anything unkind of the dead, so he confined his remarks to, Brethren, we have before us a nice, cold, quiet corpse,’ and that applies to your ex.”

To marry again before the ink signing the decree is dry is self-evidently the most damaging testimony against a woman. It is very true that she may be in an awful hurry through her fear of losing the other fellow, but worldly wise people look askance at the woman too manifestly eager to be “off with the old love and on with the new.”

A woman in such cases, or the woman who has been the defendant in a divorce suit, should under no circumstances be the one to signify a desire to continue to receive or to be received by former associates. There is much good old-fashioned respect for morality still existent in this led astray old world of ours, that would lead people to resent even a bow of recognition from a woman against whom slander has raised its hydra head, though granting that they may have cherished a friendship for years. Such a woman should wait until advances are made by her friends or other days, and by so doing she may save herself the humiliation of a cut direct.

Where the woman has applied or and obtained the decree she should have some short notice to that effect inserted in the local papers by her lawyers that the decree has been granted her, provided, of course, the case has not been violently agitated, in which event etiquette demands that cards or a note of congratulation be sent her by such friends as may wish to continue the acquaintance. This will settle definitely the question. Personal calls and congratulations should be to made at once where greater intimacy exists. 

For a newly divorced woman make the first call upon friends is horribly bad form. She should wait until in some manner assured that the friendship is desired on the same footing. To send out invitations for any formal social gathering without such guarantee is infinitely worse.

For a woman to don mourning attire for a man from whom she has been divorced is the worst possible taste and will subject her to ridicule; this is always excepting where unexplained extenuating circumstances may exist. If neither one nor the other married subsequent to the divorcement and a deathbed reconciliation is effected, then the woman would be perfectly justified in pursuing either course that appealed to her. 

Not to assume mourning would be tantamount to letting her friends see that a deathbed repentance and reconciliation did not efface the records of old wrongs, or the woman may have learned to love elsewhere and simply went to the man who lay dying because of her womanly sympathy and to soothe the last hours by the evidence of forgiveness. Under such circumstances it would be a mockery to assume the habiliments of woe.

On the other hand, if some love combined with an infinite pity mastered her heart and blotted out old memories with tears and no other love had entered into her life, then she would be justified in assuming the role and garb of a widow.

For a woman who has lived miles apart from her husband until the bitter end, whether divorced or only separated, it is folly to change her mode of life or garb in any way, particularly if the husband's life has been a living affront to her. To assume a widow’s role under such conditions is horrible, although there might be unknown reasons justifying it; yet a woman’s pride should deter her from betraying grief for a man who had lived and died as the companion of another woman.

When the man dies from whom a woman has been divorced for years it is good form to ignore the fact, and not even to mention it to the former wife unless she should introduce the subject and signify should introduce the subject and signify that any comments can neither wound, offend nor grieve her.

There recurs to me here a funny little anecdote heard not long ago, when a man died from whom a lovely woman had obtained a divorce after being beggared by him and separated for years. The man had assumed other relations; the woman, however, had been satisfied to remain unincumbered. But little good could have been truthfully said of the deceased. A few days after his funeral an old and very dear friend called on the newly widowed divorcee. “My dear,” she said sympathetically, “so he’s dead after all these years. I did not know what to write, whether to condole or to congratulate you, so came myself. I feel like the old country parson who was called upon to bury a man who had been lynched for horse stealing. He could not say anything good of the man, and his conscience would not allow him to say anything unkind of the dead, so he confined his remarks to, Brethren, we have before us a nice, cold, quiet corpse,’ and that applies to your ex.”

There is something awe-inspiring in the contemplation of death to many sensitively organized women that no matter how great the wrongs one may have suffered, or how deep the resentment, in that awful presence the voice of justice is hushed and the former wife remembers only the days when he was of her soul a part. It may be a sort of hysterical reaction accompanied by a few tears, but they are rather a tribute to old memories than to the lifeless form so long in reality dead to her.

In the question of stationery, a divorced woman should immediately resume her maiden name, if she has embodied such a prayer in her petition, but if she has children she should retain the surname of children of the husband and her full name before her marriage should be substituted for the husband's given name on her cards. A widow should retain her husband’s full name. The divorced woman uses her maiden name, which designates each. 

The philosophy of this mandate of etiquette is evident, because should a divorced woman through pique or for any other reason continue to use cards bearing her former husband’s full name, in the event of his marrying again it might lead to embarrassing complications.

It is wisdom for a woman, no matter how independent or outraged she may feel, to observe conventionalities, and during the few months following the obtaining of a decree to guard every act, for in the end very few people genuinely respect a woman who puts herself on exhibition.

To marry immediately on gaining legal freedom stains a woman indelibly and tends to confirm any gossip to her detriment, besides an unhappy marriage should keep a woman in holy fear of again getting into matrimonial mischief.

Divorce is always horrible. The flaunting of mussed-up domestic linen is nauseating when accompanied by revolting exposes, and while there’s no denying that an unhappy marriage is a pocket edition of hades, yet if it can possibly be endured I am a hearty advocate of the “kiss and make up” theory and practice.— By Kate Thyson Marr for the San Francisco Call, 1903

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Etiquette of Straw Spoons

Is there etiquette for straws and straw spoons? Yes! — 

1. Never bring your mouth down to your straw, always bring your straw up to your mouth.

 

2. 

When drinking from a straw, pick up the glass you are drinking from and hold the straw 

with your thumb and first 2 fingers 

while you drink. 

3. Never lift your straw out of your drink to get anything from the bottom of the straw, unless you are drinking from a strainer-type straw, like a bombilla.

🥤🍹🧃🧉🧋

“What have we here? — Six iced tea or lemonade straw spoons. - Straw spoons (or stroons) have been around for several hundred years. They are excellent for use, and reuse, in the modern world. They allow iced tea drinkers to stir their tea and leave the straws in the tall glasses, without having to remove them, avoiding soiling tablecloths or the spoons themselves on bare tabletops.” — From “What Have We Here?” by Etiquipedia site editor, Maura J. Graber

An interesting type of spoon variation is the “straw spoon.” The spoon handle is a straw while the spoon bowl can be used to stir the drink. 

Spoon straws come in several different styles, and occasionally we will find a souvenir straw variation, but the styling does not really lend itself to this purpose. Most, however, are designed to be used rather than displayed. Sterling straws are a lot classier than the plastic ones which we currently use.

The Gorham Silver Company writes:

“In the late 18th century, metal straws were used in Holland with brandy and punch bowls for all festive occasions. Gorham's new Sterling-Heart Straws add their own festive note to the serving of iced tea, iced coffee and lemonade or your favorite tall drink.” — From Spoon Planet.com

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Divorce, Part One

Divorce is peculiarly an American institution that must tally with Americanism in all its forms and adaptations that must govern the future life of those interested, particularly the woman. To the man, it signifies little, being often but the transfer of a trunk and a few parcels from one domicile to another; but to the woman it means the aftermath of social recognition.

We are aping the Old World rapidly in many of the fads and fancies that regulate the social code, but divorce is peculiarly an American institution that must tally with Americanism in all its forms and adaptations that must govern the future life of those interested, particularly the woman. To the man, it signifies little, being often but the transfer of a trunk and a few parcels from one domicile to another; but to the woman it means the aftermath of social recognition.

A man whose business standing is good among men and whose club affiliations are congenial, rarely meets a frost, no matter what kind of record he unfoids to a gaping world, whose nostrils are always ready to expand when scenting a new scandal, but it is on the woman that the burden falls, either of sorrow, shame or the support of herself and her children.

There is an infinite pathos in the matter of the divorce itself, the severing of ties where the common interest should center in the children, dear to both; but the world deals leniently, almost loosely in many instances, by condoning the moral lapses that climax in divorce.

A man is never censured by the world at large, no matter what his sins may be, and the same world that formerly so bitterly condemned the woman now seems to be inclined to smile pityingly and ignore the facts until it would appear that society is verging to a level of equality by estimating woman’s peccadilloes with the same indifference formerly on the marital obligations and by whom divorce is regarded with horror.

A woman, no matter how true and loyal her love may have been, is always an object of suspicion, irrespective of which business end of the divorce suit she may have figured. Men smile knowingly when remarking that Joseph, James or John was a “devilish nice fellow,” whom any woman should have loved and been proud of, and it is frequently the case that these “devilish nice fellows” make the most unsatisfactory husbands. They are often too devilishly nice to everybody else at the wife’s expense, and then, too, they are habitually too much in love with themselves to entertain much love on the side for a wife, and when later she is made desperate by the charms so lavishly on exhibition everywhere save in the home people tacitly condemn her because he was such a “devilish nice fellow.” 

A good, solid business proposition in the man-line will stand the wear and tear of strenuous matrimony more satisfactorily than the spoiled bargain counter products, whose sum total is an assortment of unctuous smiles and cordial hand-shakes. A woman who procures a divorce is in a very different position from one whose husband divorces her.

I do not endorse the magnanimity of a man who thinks that a woman should be shielded even in her dishonor by furnishing her the evidence against himself and allowing her to obtain the divorce, although it is common among men to protect the woman, especially in New York City, where a man who will not agree to such a compromise is liable to be subject to very harsh criticism. They fail to recognize the injustice done there-by to every good woman forced into the courts by an accumulation of wrongs.

The code of ethics governing a woman’s life and conduct after securing a decree should be rigidly adhered to if she would escape gossip. It is a difficult matter to quiet criticism or to live down adverse commentaries, but in time, despite the cruelties of calumny, a woman can do so, and provided her life be worthy it will prove itself in a wordless but all potential vindication.– By Kate Thyson Marr for the San Francisco Call, 1903

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Ball Etiquette

Above, a gilded age, gilt and sterling macaroni server. Macaroni, served in a variety of ways– both hot and cold– was a popular dish served at gilded age tables, just as it is today.—
“An elaborate supper for a ball or party includes both hot and cold dishes and nothing which the market furnishes is deemed too elaborate. Game birds of the smaller species are served cold, the larger birds hot; boned fowl is especially liked, and salads in variety and profusion are considered essential; rich patties of various sorts and truffled and scolloped dishes in variety reinforce the list, while cake, ices, flowers, fruit and candelabra ad to the beauty of the feast. Champagne is a favorite beverage, but a discreet hostess, who is entertaining young men with whose tastes and habits she unacquainted, is very careful about the beverages she offers.” – Eliza Lavin

A lady who gives a large ball usually requests a few friends whose acquaintance is large to assist her in receiving, and these relieve her of much solicitude by assuming the responsibility of seeing that diffident young men and women are not “walled,” as their more sprightly associates term it. Men introduce other men to the ladies of their own families and also to any other ladies whose permission they may receive. 

A gentleman, who desires to present a friend, politely asks a young girl’s chaperon if he may introduce Mr. Blank, provided it will be agreeable to Miss Blank. On receiving permission, he brings his friend up and presents him to the chaperon first and then to the young lady, and Mr. Blank returns the young lady to the chaperon soon after the dance. If a gentleman has been dancing with a young lady with whom he has previous acquaintance, a short promenade before leaving her with her party is not out of place and is quite agreeable after a dance, but a girl should not assume that it is to follow a dance with a stranger. He may have other engagements or contemplate bestowing his attentions elsewhere. In any event, his acquaintance with her should be conducted in the presence of the elder lady who accompanies her. This is only respectful to both ladies.

Well-bred young men outnumber the thoughtless and ill-bred; consequently a lady receives all the attention necessary to make such an occasion enjoyable, even if she be not a reigning belle or has only a limited acquaintance. Gentlemen who accompany ladies to balls endeavor to be near them when supper is announced, so as to attend them to the supper-room; but if they are not, they must look for them and see they are being properly cared for, before offering their services to others. 

If a gentleman has no prior claims upon his attention at this time, he should offer his arm to the lady with whom he has been talking or dancing, always recognizing first the superior claim of an elderly lady to consideration. The mother or chaperon takes his arm and the younger lady walks beside her. It is not the best form for two ladies to each take an arm. A lady is not free to decline this attention, even though she may have expected it from another.

Gentlemen should be careful to see that ladies are provided for before they attend to their own wants, and any gentleman may extend such formal attentions as offering to escort to the supper-room ladies who may be unattended, to bring them ices, find seats for them or to escort them to their carriages, and in all this his warrant is his willingness to conform to the requirements of good breeding and compliment his hostess. He need not be deterred from showing such trifling attentions, nor need ladies decline them, because a formal introduction has not taken place.— From Eliza Lavin’s, “Good Manners,” 1888

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia