Etiquette and Tea Tables

Mrs. Beeton's Lovely Tea Table

To return to the tea-table ...

Unless you are positively sure, when you have a visiter, that she drinks the same tea that is used in your own family, you should have both black and green on the table. Either sort is often extremely disagreeable to persons who take the other.

Drinkers of green tea, for instance, have generally an unconquerable aversion to black, as tasting like hay, herbs, etc., and they find in it no refreshing or exhilarating property. In some, it produces nausea. Few, on the other hand, dislike the taste of good green tea, but they assign as a reason for not drinking it, that it is supposed from its enlivening qualities to affect the nerves.

Judge Bushrod Washington, who always drank green, and avoided black, said that, “he took tea as a beverage, not as a medicine.” And there are a vast number of sensible people in the same category. If your guest is a votary of green tea, have it made for her, in time for the essence of the leaves to be well drawn forth. It is no compliment to give her green tea that is weak and washy. 

And do not, at your own table, be so rude as to lecture her upon the superior wholesomeness of black tea. For more than a century, green tea was universally drunk in every house, and there was then less talk of nervous diseases than during the reign of Souchong,—which, by-the-bye, is nearly exploded in the best European society.

In pouring out, do not fill the cups to the brim. Always send the cream and sugar round, that each person may use those articles according to their own taste. Also, send round a small pot of hot water, that those who like their tea weak may conveniently dilute it. If tea is handed, a servant should, at the last, carry round a water-pitcher and glasses.

Whether at dinner or tea, if yourself and family are in the habit of eating fast, (which, by the way, is a very bad and unwholesome one, and justly cited against us by our English cousins,) and you see that your visiter takes her food deliberately, endeavour (for that time at least) to check the rapidity of your own mastication, so as not to finish before she has done, and thus compel her to hurry herself uncomfortably, or be left alone while every one round her is sitting unoccupied and impatient. Or rather, let the family eat a little more than usual, or seem to do so, out of politeness to their guest.

When refreshments are brought in after tea, let them be placed on the centre-table, and handed round from thence by the gentlemen to the ladies. If there are only four or five persons present, it may be more convenient for all to sit round the table—which should not be cleared till after all the visiters have gone, that the things may again be offered before the departure of the guests.

If a friend makes an afternoon call, and you wish her to stay and take tea, invite her to do so at once, as soon as she has sat down; and do not wait till she has risen to depart. If she consents to stay, there will then be ample time to make any additional preparation for tea that may be expedient; and she will also know, at once, that you have no engagement for the evening, and that she is not intruding on your time, or preventing you from going out. If you are intimate friends, and your guest is disposed to have a long chat, she will do well to ask you, at the beginning, if you are disengaged, or design going out that afternoon.

We knew a very sensible and agreeable lady in Philadelphia, who liking better to have company at home than to go out herself, made a rule of inviting every day, half a dozen friends (not more) to take tea with her—just as many as could sit round the table, "with ample room and verge enough." These friends she assorted judiciously. And therefore she never asked a whole family at once; those who were left out understanding that they would be invited another time.

In pouring out, do not fill the cups to the brim. Always send the cream and sugar round, that each person may use those articles according to their own taste. Also, send round a small pot of hot water, that those who like their tea weak may conveniently dilute it. 

For instance, she would send a note for the father and mother only—to meet another father and mother or two. A few weeks after, a billet would come for the young people only. But if there were several young people, some were delayed—thus—"I wish James and Eliza to take tea with me this evening, to meet so-and-so. Another time I promise myself the pleasure of Edward's company, and Mary's."

This distribution of invitations never gave offence. Those who were honoured with the acquaintance of such a lady were not likely to be displeased at so sensible a mode of receiving them. These little tea-drinkings were always pleasant, and often delightful. The hostess was well qualified to make them so.

Though the refreshments were of the best kind, and in sufficient abundance, and the fires, lights, etc. all as they should be, there was no ostentatious display, and the ladies were dressed no more than if they were spending a quiet evening at home—party-finery being interdicted—also, such needle-work as required constant attention to every stitch.

If you have a friend who is in somewhat precarious health, and who is afraid of being out in the night air, or who lives in a distant part of the town, invite her to dinner, or to pass the day, rather than to tea. She will then be able to get home before twilight.

There is in Boston a very fashionable and very distinguished lady, who, since her return from Europe, has relinquished the custom of giving large parties; and now entertains her friends by, almost every day, having two or three to dine with her,—by invitation. These dinners are charming. The hour is according to the season—earlier in winter, later in summer—the guests departing before dark, and the lady always having the evening to herself.

We know a gentleman in Philadelphia, who every Monday has a family-dinner at his house, for all his children and grandchildren, who there meet and enjoy themselves before the eyes of the father and mother—a friend or two being also invited. Nothing can be more pleasant than to see them all there together, none staying away,—for parents, children, sons-in-law, daughters-in-law, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, are all at peace, and all meeting in friendship—unhappily, a rare case, where there is a large connection, and considerable wealth.

We wish that social intercourse was more frequently conducted on the plan of the few examples above cited.

Should chance-visiters come in before the family have gone to tea, let them at once be invited to partake of that repast; which they will of course decline, if they have had tea already. In a well-provided house, there can be no difficulty in adding something to the family tea-table, which, in genteel life, should never be discreditably parsimonious.

It is a very mean practice, for the members of the family to slip out of the parlour, one by one at a time, and steal away into the eating-room, to avoid inviting their visiter to accompany them. The truth is always suspected by these separate exits, and the length of absence from the parlour—and is frequently betrayed by the rattle of china, and the pervading fumes of hot cakes. How much better to meet the inconvenience (and it cannot be a great one) by decently conducting your accidental guest to the table, unless he says he has already taken tea, and will amuse himself with a book while the family are at theirs.

Casual evening visiters should avoid staying too late. Ten o'clock, in our country, is the usual time to depart, or at least to begin departing. If the visit is unduly prolonged, there may be evident signs of irrepressible drowsiness in the heads of the family, which, when perceived, will annoy the guest, who must then feel that he has stayed too long—and without being able to excuse himself with any approach to the elegance of William Spencer's apology to the charming Lady Anne Hamilton.

Too late I stay'd—forgive the crime; Unheeded flew the hours,For noiseless falls the foot of Time That only treads on flowers. Ah! who with clear account remarksThe ebbing of the glass,When all its sands are diamond sparks,That dazzle as they pass!– From The Ladies Guide to True Politeness and Perfect Manners, by Miss Leslie, 1864

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Tea Visiters

The domestic that attends the door should be instructed to show the guest up-stairs, as soon as she arrives; conducting her to an unoccupied apartment, where she may take off her bonnet, and arrange her hair, or any part of her dress that may require change or improvement. 

TEA VISITERS (sic)

When you have invited a friend to take tea with you, endeavour to render her visit as agreeable as you can; and try by all means to make her comfortable. See that your lamps are lighted at an early hour, particularly those of the entry and stair-case, those parts of the house always becoming dark as soon as the sun is down; and to persons coming in directly from the light of the open air, they always seem darker than they really are. 

Have the parlours lighted rather earlier than usual, that your guest, on her entrance, may be in no danger of running against the tables, or stumbling over chairs. In rooms heated by a furnace, or by any other invisible fire, it is still more necessary to have the lamps lighted early.

If there is a coal-grate, see that the fire is burning clear and brightly, that the bottom has been well-raked of cinders and ashes, and the hearth swept clean. A dull fire, half-choked with dead cinders, and an ashy hearth, give a slovenly and dreary aspect to the most elegantly furnished parlour. A sufficiently large grate (if the fire is well made up, and plenty of fresh coal put on about six o'clock) will generally require no further replenishing during the evening, unless the weather is unusually cold; and then more fuel should be added at eight or nine o'clock, so as to make the room comfortable.

In summer evenings, let the window-sashes be kept up, or the slats of the venetian blinds turned open, so that your guest may find the atmosphere of the rooms cool and pleasant. There should always be fans (feather or palm-leaf) on the centre-tables.

The domestic that attends the door should be instructed to show the guest up-stairs, as soon as she arrives; conducting her to an unoccupied apartment, where she may take off her bonnet, and arrange her hair, or any part of her dress that may require change or improvement. The lady should then be left to herself. Nothing is polite that can possibly incommode or embarrass —therefore, it is a mistaken civility for the hostess, or some female member of the family to follow the visiter up-stairs, and remain with her all the time she is preparing for her appearance in the parlour. 
                                         

Let both mothers and children understand that, on all occasions, over-officiousness is not politeness, and that nothing troublesome and inconvenient is ever agreeable.

We have seen an inquisitive little girl permitted by her mother to accompany a guest to the dressing-table, and watch her all the while she was at the glass; even following her to the corner in which she changed her shoes; the child talking, and asking questions incessantly. This should not be. Let both mothers and children understand that, on all occasions, over-officiousness is not politeness, and that nothing troublesome and inconvenient is ever agreeable.

The toilet-table should be always furnished with a clean hair-brush, and a nice comb. We recommend those hair-brushes that have a mirror on the back, so as to afford the lady a glimpse of the back of her head and neck. Better still, as an appendage to a dressing-table, is a regular hand-mirror, of sufficient size to allow a really satisfactory view. These hand-mirrors are very convenient, to be used in conjunction with the large dressing-glass. Their cost is but trifling. 

The toilet-pincushion should always have pins in it. A small work-box properly furnished with needles, scissors, thimble, and cotton-spools, ought also to find a place on the dressing-table, in case the visiter may have occasion to repair any accident that may have happened to her dress.

For want of proper attention to such things, in an ill-ordered, though perhaps a very showy establishment, we have known an expected visiter ushered first into a dark entry, then shown into a dark parlour with an ashy hearth, and the fire nearly out: then, after groping her way to a seat, obliged to wait till a small hand-lamp could be procured to light her dimly up a steep, sharp-turning stair-case; and then, by the same lamp, finding on the neglected dressing-table a broken comb, an old brush, and an empty pincushion,—or (quite as probably) nothing at all—not to mention two or three children coming to watch and stare at her. On returning to the parlour, the visiter would probably find the fire just then making up, and the lamp still unlighted, because it had first to be trimmed. 

Meanwhile, the guest commences her visit with an uncomfortable feeling of self-reproach for coming too early; all things denoting that she was not expected so soon. In such houses everybody comes too early. However late, there will be nothing in readiness.

The hostess should be in the parlour, prepared to receive her visiter, and to give her at once a seat in the corner of a sofa, or in a fauteuil, or large comfortable chair; if a rocking-chair, a footstool is an indispensable appendage. 

By-the-bye, the dizzy and ungraceful practice of rocking in a rocking-chair is now discontinued by all genteel people, except when entirely alone. A lady should never be seen to rock in a chair, and the rocking of a gentleman looks silly. Rocking is only fit for a nurse putting a baby to sleep. When children get into a large rocking-chair, they usually rock it over backward, and fall out. These chairs are now seldom seen in a parlour. Handsome, stuffed easy chairs, that are moved on castors, are substituted—and of these, half a dozen of various forms are not considered too many.

Give your visiter a fan to cool herself, if the room is warm, or to shade her eyes from the glare of the fire or the light—for the latter purpose, a broad hand-screen is generally used, but a palm-leaf fan will do for both. In buying these fans, choose those whose handle is the firm natural stem, left remaining on the leaf. They are far better than those with handles of bamboo, which in a short time become loose and rickety.

There are many persons who, professing never to use a fan themselves, seem to think that nobody can by any chance require one; and therefore they selfishly keep nothing of the sort in their rooms.

If, in consequence of dining very late, you are in the custom of also taking tea at a late hour—or making but slight preparations for that repast—waive that custom when you expect a friend whom you know to be in the practice of dining early, and who, perhaps, has walked far enough to feel fatigued, and to acquire an appetite. For her accommodation, order the tea earlier than usual, and let it be what is called "a good tea." If there is ample room at table, do not have the tea carried round,—particularly if you have but one servant to hand the whole. 

It is tedious, inconvenient, and unsatisfactory. There is no comfortable way of eating bread and butter, toast, or buttered cakes, except when seated at table. When handed round, there is always a risk of their greasing the dresses of the ladies—the greasing of fingers is inevitable—though that is of less consequence, now that the absurd practice of eating in gloves is wisely abolished among genteel people.– From The Ladies Guide to True Politeness and Perfect Manners, by Miss Leslie, 1864

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Louis XV's Court Dance

Dancing the minuet– The minuet became a most fashionable dance in the 17th and 18th centuries.

An 18th century formal ball was one of the very limited opportunities at which a young lady could increase her chances of meeting suitors and finding a husband. A complete knowledge of etiquette and social codes, along with a graceful carriage and fine dress, was necessary to making the most advantageous match.

“Delighted with the minuet, Louis XV made it the special dance of the French royal court— and it was at court that the dance acquired it's exquisite grace and beauty.” –Lillian Eichler

Etiquette Enthusiast,  Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Tea and Coffee

The Flowers Personified (1847) Image by the great Parisian cartoonist J.J Grandville from his Les Fleurs Animées – his last work, originally published posthumously in 1847, the year of his death. With its mix of the satirical and poetic, the book is considered to be one of his most supreme achievements.

Tea and Coffee Flowers are Personified and Ill-Mannered in this Tale of Competition

The Coffee-flower took it into its head to make a voyage to China, for the purpose of visiting her sister, the Tea-flower. The latter received her guest with the politeness in which might be seen a slight air of superiority.   

In fact, to the Tea-flower, Coffee was but an outside barbarian, with whom she condescended to hold intercourse, notwithstanding the immense distance that separates a civilized Chinese from a foreigner, who is still sunk in the depths of ignorance. 

The Coffee-flower had too much quickness and penetration, not to understand this reception, and she had too much pride to submit to it.
"My dear," said she said to Tea, as soon as they were by themselves, "the airs which you affect, are not at all agreeable. Understand, if you please, that I do not need to be patronized, and that I am your superior in every respect." 

Never affect superiority. In the company of an inferior never let him feel his inferiority. If you invite an inferior as your guest, treat him with all the politeness and consideration you would show an equal. Assumption of superiority is the distinguishing trait of a parvenu.– E.B.Duffey

The tea flower shrugged her shoulders with disdain. "My title of nobility, "said she, "is six thousand years older than yours. It dates from the very foundation of the Chinese monarchy, the oldest of all known kingdoms."   

"And what does that prove!" said Coffee. 

"That you should treat me with deference," was the answer. 

It is proper to state, that this conversation occurred at a small lacquered table, on which stood a coffee-pot and a tea-pot. The two flowers, to keep up their rage, had frequent recourse to the stimulants which these contained. 

"You are so insipid," said Coffee, "that the Chinese themselves have been compelled to abandon you, and take to opium. You are no longer a stimulant, and a promoter of pleasant dreams– but merely a table drink, like cider and small-beer among us." 

Never directly contradict any one. Say, "I beg your pardon, but I think you are mistaken or misinformed," or some such similar phrase which shall break the weight of direct contradiction. Where the matter is unimportant it is better to let it pass without correction. – E.B.Duffey

"I have vanquished," briskly replied Tea, "a nation which has vanquished China itself. I reign in England." 

"And I, in France." 

"It was I that inspired Walter Scott and Lord Byron." 

"I nerved the wit of Moliere and Voltaire." 

"You are only a slow poison."

"And you, a mere vulgar diet-drink." 

"In the melodious murmurs of the tea kettle," said Tea, "one may fancy that he hears the spirits of the fireside sing. My color is that a fair girl's tresses. I am the Posey of the gentle and melancholy north." 

"Mine," said the Coffee-flower, "is the dusky tint of tropical maidens. Like them, I am ardent. Like some subtile fire, I course along the veins. I am the Cupid of the south."

"Thou dost consume, while I comfort." 

"No-I give strength; you only weaken."

"To me belongs the heart."

"Yes; and to me the head." 

The two flowers had become so exasperated, that they were about to pull each other's leaves. But, on further reflection, they concluded to refer their dispute to a tribunal composed equally of tea-drinkers and coffee-drinkers. This tribunal has been long in session, but has not yet agreed on a verdict.– From J.J Grandville from his Les Fleurs Animées 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Floral Faux Pas

When sending flowers for a special occasion, pay attention to the flower type and its color.

Avoiding Floral Faux Pas

Discuss floral meanings and flower colors with your florist to avoid sending any unintended messages along with an arrangement. Giving a hardworking assistant a dozen red roses for helping you meet an important deadline may convey feelings of romance as opposed to a message of gratitude.  Considering some basic etiquette rules before sending flowers helps to ensure that your gift is received in the spirit which you intended.

Culture

Although the use of flowers to convey messages had been used in Persia and the Middle East, it was during the Victorian Era and the publication of flower dictionaries explaining the meaning of plants, flowers and herbs, that the tradition began to spread throughout England. Soon it became popular to use flowers to send secretive messages. Though often portrayed to relay positive messages of interest, affection and love, flowers could also send a negative message and at times, the same flower could have opposite meanings depending on how it was arranged or delivered.

Before sending flowers, consider the cultural background of the recipient. Different cultures have specific rules for gifting flowers. In China, four and the color red are both associated with death. White represents death in Indian culture. Muslims and Jews do not have flowers at funerals, so flowers if sent, should be sent to the family home.

"Get Well Soon"

Be sure to consider the type of flowers in your get-well gift, too. Tulips and gerbera daisies are ideal selections for hospital delivery—they are fragrance-free, bright and cheerful, and extremely easy to maintain.

Avoid sending highly fragrant flowers such as freesia, lilies, or lilacs as get well gifts, especially to someone who is ill as opposed to injured. Instead, choose assorted iris arrangements, daffodils, and sunflowers. These flowers are bright, cheery, and light on scent, which make them great "pick-me-ups" for loved ones, no matter what their symptoms may be.

Sympathy

If a charitable donation is requested, in lieu of flowers, it's best to respect this wish. Mourning is a delicate and emotional time. A breach of etiquette can hurt or offend a grieving friend.

If you still wish to send flowers, send them to the family to express your sympathy well after the funeral. The grieving are many times left alone in the weeks after the funeral. A surprise bouquet can be a welcome gift. Be careful to consider the religion of the family when you choose the flowers to send.

Special Occasion Flowers

When sending flowers for a special occasion, again, pay attention to color and flower type. Red flowers typically convey romantic feelings. White flowers are perfect for family members. Yellow flowers are reserved for close friends.

Avoid sending flowers to the hospital room of a new mother. A beautiful arrangement waiting at home means the family has much less to take from the hospital.

Personal Tastes

It is acceptable to disregard convention if you are aware of an intended recipient's favorite flower or color. Take into consideration any personal tastes of a recipient over the accepted rules of etiquette. – From ProFlowers. com

ProFlowers sells a wide variety of fresh-cut flowers, mixed bouquets and potted plants, shipped fresh from the grower. 

🌹Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J .Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Sending Flowers

Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

ProFlowers' Guide for the Etiquette of When to Send Flowers And When Not To...

Flowers are typically appropriate for most occasions, but you have to be careful about treading into taboo areas or sending mixed messages with your thoughtful intentions. By following some basic etiquette rules, you should be able to navigate any landmines commonly associated with flower giving. 

Funerals

Flowers, such as the Sympathy Peace Lily, are appropriate blooms to send to grieving families and bring peace and tranquility to a funeral. Flowers are usually sent to the funeral home, which displays the flowers during the viewing or memorial ceremony and then transfers them to the site of the burial. At times, the families prefer not to have flowers and ask instead for donations to be made to a charity of organization in lieu of flowers. You should honor those requests. 

Workplace Flowers

To be safe, it’s best to send romantic bouquets, such as red roses, to a person’s home instead of her place of business. When flowers are received in the workplace, unwanted gossip sometimes ensues. 

On the other hand, when your intention is to go public with your romantic intentions or show off your feelings toward a spouse or lover, then send the flowers to her workplace. Just be sure they will be welcomed, to avoid any misunderstandings. 

Get Well Flowers

Many hospitals have banned flowers from patients’ room because of the risk of infection, allergic reactions and other side effects that can occur from various blooms. It’s best to check with the hospital before sending a beautiful get-well bouquet to a friend or family member. Proper etiquette dictates the most appropriate time to send flowers to a person recovering from a surgery or illness is after he’s been released from the hospital. A bouquet such as the 100 Blooms of Get Well Wishes from ProFlowers is a thoughtful gesture that will cheer up any recovering friend. 

Flowers for Best Wishes

Always consider the unspoken message when you send flowers. For example, while you may want to send a dozen roses to a co-worker as congratulations on a promotion, the flowers may carry an unintended romantic message. 

Sending flowers to your boss may be misconstrued as looking for favors. Sending flowers to a married friend of the opposite sex may cause problems at home. When you aren’t sure how well your gesture will be taken, it may be more prudent to send a plant or a fruit basket, gifts that cannot be misconstrued with hidden meaning or intentions.– From ProFlowers. com
                                   

"No, no, this will not do."  "Wha... Why? What is wrong with this one?" "The Orange Lily implies extreme hatred. The Begonia and Lavender danger and suspicion, respectively. Every flower has a meaning, Charles. Might I suggest the Amaryllis, which declares the recipient a most splendid beauty. Or the Cabbage Rose." —Hugh Jackman's "Leopold," from the movie, "Kate and Leopold"

The ABCs of the Language of Flowers

"A"

Abecedary Volatility.
Abatina Fickleness.
Acacia Friendship.
Acacia, Rose or White Elegance.
Acacia, Yellow Secret love.
Acanthus The fine arts. Artifice.
Acalia Temperance.
Achillea Millefolia War.
Aconite (Wolfsbane) Misanthropy.
Aconite, Crowfoot Lustre.
Adonis, Flos Painful recollections.
African Marigold Vulgar minds.
Agnus Castus Coldness. Indifference.
Agrimony Thankfulness. Gratitude.
Almond (Common) Stupidity. Indiscretion.
Almond (Flowering) Hope.
Almond, Laurel Perfidy
Allspice Compassion.
Aloe Grief. Religious superstition.
Althaea Frutex (Syrian Mallow) Persuasion.
Alyssum (Sweet) Worth beyond beauty.
Amaranth (Globe) Immortality. Unfading love.
Amaranth (Cockscomb) Foppery. Affectation.
Amaryllis Pride. Timidity. Splendid beauty.
Ambrosia Love returned.
American Cowslip Divine beauty.
American Elm Patriotism.
American Linden Matrimony.
American Starwort Welcome to a stranger. Cheerfulness in old age.
Amethyst Admiration.
Anemone (Zephyr Flower) Sickness. Expectation.
Anemone (Garden) Forsaken.
Angelica Inspiration.
Angrec Royalty.
Apple Temptation.
Apple (Blossom) Preference. Fame speaks him great and good.
Apple, Thorn Deceitful charms.
Apocynum (Dog's Vane) Deceit.
Arbor Vitæ Unchanging Friendship. Live for me.
Arum (Wake Robin) Ardour.
Ash-leaved Trumpet Flower Separation.
Ash Tree Grandeur.
Aspen Tree Lamentation.
Aster (China) Variety. Afterthought.
Asphodel My regrets follow you to the grave.
Auricula Painting.
Auricula, Scarlet Avarice.
Austurtium Splendour.
Azalea Temperance.

"B"
Bachelor's Buttons Celibacy.
Balm Sympathy.
Balm, Gentle Pleasantry.
Balm of Gilead Cure. Relief.
Balsam, Red Touch me not. Impatient resolves.
Balsam, Yellow Impatience.
Barberry Sourness of temper.
Barberry Tree Sharpness.
Basil Hatred.
Bay Leaf I change but in death.
Bay (Rose) Rhododendron Danger. Beware.
Bay Tree Glory.
Bay Wreath Reward of merit.
Bearded Crepis Protection.
Beech Tree Prosperity.
Bee Orchis Industry.
Bee Ophrys Error.
Belladonna Silence
Bell Flower, Pyramidal Constancy.
Bell Flower (small white) Gratitude.
Belvedere I declare against you.
Betony Surprise.
Bilberry Treachery.
Bindweed, Great Insinuation.
Bindweed, Small Humility.
Birch Meekness.
Birdsfoot Trefoil Revenge.
Bittenweet; Nightshade Truth.
Black Poplar Courage.
Blackthorn Difficulty.
Bladder Nut Tree Frivolity. Amusement.
Bluebottle (Centaury) Delicacy.
Bluebell Constancy.
Blue-flowered Greek Valerian Rupture.
Boras Henricus Goodness.
Borage Bluntness.
Box Tree Stoicism.
Bramble Lowliness. Envy. Remorse.
Branch of Currants You please all.
Branch of Thorns Severity. Rigour.
Bridal Rose Happy love.
Broom Humility. Neatness.
Buckbean Calm repose.
Bud of White Rose Heart ignorant of love.
Bugloss Falsehood.
Bulrush Indiscretion. Docility.
Bundle of Reeds, with their Panicles Music.
Burdock Importunity. Touch me not.
Buttercup (Kingcup) Ingratitude. Childishness.
Butterfly Orchis Gaiety.
Butterfly Weed Let me go.

"C"
Cabbage Profit.
Cacalia Adulation.
Cactus Warmth.
Calla Æthiopica Magnificent Beauty.
Calycanthui Benevolence.
Camellia Japonica, Red Unpretending excellence.
Camellia Japonica, White Perfected loveliness.
Camomile Energy in adversity.
Canary Grass Perseverance.
Candytuft Indifference.
Canterbury Bell Acknowledgement.
Cape Jasmine I'm too happy.
Cardamine Paternal error.
Carnation, Deep Red Alas! for my poor heart.
Carnation, Striped Refusal.
Carnation, Yellow Disdain.
Cardinal Flower Dittitutim.
Catchfly Snare.
Catchfly, Red Youthful love.
Catchfly, White Betrayed.
Cedar Strength.
Cedar of Lebanon Incorruptible.
Cedar Leaf I live for thee.
Celandine (Lesser) Joys to come.
Cereus (Creeping) Modest genius.
Centaury Delicacy.
Champignon Suspicion.
Chequered Fritillary Persecution.
Cherry Tree Good education.
Cherry Tree, White Deception.
Chesnut Tree Do me justice. Luxury.
Chickweed Rendezvous.
Chicory Frugality.
China Aster Variety.
China Aster, Double I partake your sentiments.
China Aster, Single I will think of it.
China or Indian Pink Aversion.
China Rose Beauty always new.
Chinese Chrysanthemum Cheerfulness under adversity.
Christmas Rose Relieve my anxiety.
Chrysanthemum, Red I love.
Chrysanthemum, White Truth.
Chrysanthemum, Yellow Slighted love.
Cinquefoil Maternal affection.
Circaa Spell.
Cistus, or Rock Rose Popular favour.
Cistus, Gum I shall die to-morrow.
Citron Ill-natured beauty.
Clematis Mental beauty.
Clematis, Evergreen Poverty.
Clotbur Rudeness. Pertinacity.
Cloves Dignity.
Clover, Four-leaved Be mine.
Clover, Red Industry.
Clover, White Think of me.
Cobæea Gossip.
Cockscomb Amaranth Foppery. Affectation. Singularity.
Colchicum, or Meadow Saffron My best days are past.
Coltsfoot Justice shall be done.
Columbine Folly.
Columbine, Purple Resolved to win.
Columbine, Red Anxious and trembling.
Colchicum, or Meadow Saffron My best days are past.
Coltsfoot Justice shall be done.
Columbine Folly.
Columbine, Purple Resolved to win.
Columbine, Red Anxious and trembling.
Convolvulus Bonds.
Convolvulus, Blue (Minor) Repose. Night.
Convolvulus, Major Extinguished hopes.
Convolvulus, Pink Worth sustained by judicious and tender affection.
Corchorus Impatient of absence.
Coreopsis Always cheerful.
Coreopsis Arkansa Love at first sight.
Coriander Hidden worth.
Corn Riches.
Corn, Broken Quarrel.
Corn Straw Agreement.
Corn Bottle Delicacy.
Corn Cockle Gentility.
Cornel Tree Duration.
Coronella Success crown your wishes.
Cowslip Pensiveness. Winning grace.
Cowslip, American Divine beauty. You are my divinity.
Cranberry Cure for heartache.
Creeping Cereus Horror.
Cress Stability. Power.
Crocus Abuse not.
Crocus, Spring Youthful gladness.
Crocus, Saffron Mirth.
Crown Imperial Majesty. Power.
Crowsbill Envy.
Crowfoot Ingratitude.
Crowfoot (Aconite-leaved) Lustre.
Cuckoo Plant Ardour.
Cudweed, American Unceasing remembrance.
Currant Thy frown will kill me.
Cuscuta Meanness.
Cyclamen Diffidence.
Cypress Death. Mourning. 

From Kate Greenaway's "Language of Flowers"

                                                

                                                 

ProFlowers sells a wide variety of fresh-cut flowers, mixed bouquets and potted plants, shipped fresh from the grower.

🌹Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J .Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Women's Gloves

Depiction of a “glove fitting” from 1906 ~ “The average store is sadly deficient in facilities for trying on gloves, and also in the attention paid to fittings.”
– From Shoe and Leather Journal, 1905

Glove Etiquette in Period Dramas from Miss Manners –

"The only place where it seems to be traditional for ladies to eat or drink with gloved hands is in costume dramas. In real life, it was always considered crude, not to mention yucky, but in every period film, television show, play and opera, it is evidently intended to add a touch of what passes for “class.” Miss Manners pities the laborers who were taxed with cleaning those gloves afterward. 

(You are correct that) gloves are worn during dancing, but they had to be removed before touching any refreshments. This was a good argument against drinking when dancing. It would serve Miss Manners right if, after obeying her strict command to remove your gloves, you handed them to her. You might reasonably point out that ball dresses unaccountably lack pockets, and are cunningly constructed so that gloves placed on them when the wearer is seated slip off the lap, thus requiring the wearer’s unfortunate dinner partner to crawl under the table to fetch them. 

If you cannot cram your gloves into your tiny evening bag, where we hope there is no makeup on the loose, you must hold them with your free hand when eating or drinking while you are standing. At dinner, she suggests surreptitiously sitting on them, but please don’t tell anyone she said so." – Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners

Incorrect! Lady Edith sits at the table with gloved hands and a glass of champagne beside her.

More Glove Etiquette:

• Don’t eat, drink, or smoke with gloves on.
• Don’t play cards with gloves on.
• Don’t apply makeup with gloves on.
• Don’t wear jewelry over gloves, with the exception of bracelets.
• Don’t make a habit of carrying your gloves 
• Don't play musical instruments while wearing gloves

Glove Etiquette Violations 

in Period Dramas

A beautiful woman, but the gloves and cigarette, shout, "Tacky!"

All in that attempt to add what “passes for class...” Two much! Two faux pas for the price of one. Both a cigarette and a drink in gloved hands. Both etiquette “no-nos.”

Terribly tacky! Gloves that unbutton... for when a woman wants to throw that drink back or gobble some bon bons, without looking “incorrect.” A fail.

Gloved ones violating etiquette while having tea. Downton Abbey is a repeat “glove etiquette offender” over its six seasons.

It is hard to find examples of someone playing an instrument in gloves, who is not a cartoon character or a cabaret act. So with regard to etiquette, wearing gloves while to playing the piano, is an etiquette “don't.”

Wearing gloves while eating or drinking is a violation of good manners, but...

So is not wearing gloves! To not wear gloves while dancing in the Regency Era, would find a young woman shunned by “good society.”

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Polite Conversation

Someone not afraid to show her emotions– The fictional Marianne Dashwood, as portrayed by Kate Winslet in the 1996 film version of Jane Austen’s “Sense and Sensibility”

Display Of Emotions–
It is needless to say, avoid all exhibitions of temper before others if you find it impossible to suppress them entirely. All emotions, whether of grief or joy, should be subdued in public, and only allowed full play in the privacy of our own apartments.

Undue Familiarity–
Avoid all coarseness and familiarity in addressing others. A person who makes himself offensively familiar will have few friends.

Pretenses–
Avoid all pretense at gentility. Pass for what you are, and nothing more. If you are obliged to make any little economies, do not be ashamed to acknowledge them as economies if it becomes necessary to speak of them at all. If you keep no carriage, do not be over-solicitous to impress your friends that the sole reason for this deficiency is because you prefer to walk. Do not be ashamed of poverty; but, on the other hand, do not flaunt its rags unmercifully in the face of others. It is best to say nothing about it either in excuse or defence.

Aristocratic Assumptions–
Do not, of all things, in this republican country, boast of blood and family and talk of belonging to the "aristocracy." Nor, unless you wish to be set down as a superlative fool by all sensible people, put your servants in livery and a coat of arms upon the panels of your carriage and upon your plate.

Interruptions In Conversation–
Never interrupt a person who is speaking. Wait until you are sure he has finished what he has to say before you attempt to speak.

Dogmatic Style Of Speaking–
Never speak dogmatically or with an assumption of knowledge or information beyond that of those with whom you are conversing. Even if you are conscious of this superiority, a proper and becoming modesty will lead you to conceal it as far as possible, that you may not put to shame or humiliation those less fortunate than yourself. At all events, they will discover your superiority or they will not.


If they discover it of their own accord, they will have much more admiration for you than though you forced the recognition upon them. If they do not discover it, rest assured you cannot force it upon their perceptions, and they will only hold you in contempt for trying to do so. Besides, there is the possibility that you over-estimate yourself, and instead of being a wise man you are only a self-sufficient fool.

Flattery–
Do not be guilty of flattery. Commend the estimable traits of your friends to others whenever and wherever you can, and you may even express your honest approval directly to them if you possess a delicate tact. Indeed, it is one of the most imperative social duties to let others see our appreciation of the good in their characters or actions. But beware of insincere praise bestowed from an unworthy motive.

Faultfinding–
Do not be censorious or faultfinding. Long and close friendship may sometimes excuse one friend in reproving or criticising another, but it must always be done in the kindest and gentlest manner, and in nine cases out of ten had best be left undone. When one is inclined to be censorious or critical, it is well to remember the scriptural injunction, “First cast the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye.”

–From E.B. Duffey's, "The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Etiquette: A Complete Manual of the Manners and Dress of American Society," 1877 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J .Graber, is the Editor and Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia