Entering the Gilded Age Ball

When a young girl attends a ball with her mother or some matron who has kindly consented to chaperon her, she always allows her elderly companion to enter the room first, and then walks beside her to greet the hostess, who usually stands at the head of the room or in a position not far from the door. – From “Punch” or the “London Charivari” Vol. 158, February 25th, 1920

Making the Correct Entrance

THE gentlemen wait for the ladies whom they have escorted to the dance, in the hall, and they enter the ball room together- not arm in arm, but the lady enters the room first, closely followed by her escort. At very fashionable balls, where the hostesses are great sticklers for conventionality, the name of each guest is announced by a footman just as he enters the door. But this formality is often omitted, and is not in good taste unless the affair is extremely elegant and ceremonious. With moderate means it is always in much better taste to do things simply than to strain after effect, or, as the expressive slang of the day has it, to “splurge.”

When a young girl attends a ball with her mother or some matron who has kindly consented to chaperon her, she always allows her elderly companion to enter the room first, and then walks beside her to greet the hostess, who usually stands at the head of the room or in a position not far from the door. The hostess should offer her hand to each guest, either man or woman, and express her pleasure at seeing them. 

If the dance is given for a daughter already in society or to introduce a debutante, the young lady stands by her mother and assists in receiving the guests. She does not begin to dance, until after the first half hour, coming back occasionally between the dances to the side of her parent to talk to some of the older guests or to greet the late arrivals. – Copyright, 1905, by A. S. Barnes & Co.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette of Hosting a Ball

It is perfectly correct for a host or son of a hostess to ask such selfish guests to do him the favor of dancing with Miss Jones or Miss Gray. No man who is a gentleman ever refuses such a request, if he has no previous engagement for the dance.

Duties of the Hostess

The pleasure of the guests and the success of the entertainment depend in a great measure on the tact and unselfishness of the hostess. A good hostess always makes it her duty to see that her women guests are provided with partners for the majority of the dances, and that all the chaperons have been taken out to supper. She introduces strangers to each other and makes her husband and son, if she have one, keep a sharp lookout that wallflowers are conspicuous by their absence at her party. 

It is not at all necessary for the host to receive with his wife, but he should pay considerable attention to all the ladies. If he is a young man he tries to get a dance, or at least a pleasant word or two, with every one present. If his dancing days are over, he devotes himself to the chaperons and keeps an eye on the young men present, not allowing them to congregate in knots about the doorway or selfishly gather in the cloakroom while any young ladies are sitting partnerless. 

It is perfectly correct for him to ask such selfish guests to do him the favor of dancing with Miss Jones or Miss Gray. No man who is a gentleman ever refuses such a request, if he has no previous engagement for the dance. – By Eleanor B. Clapp, for the San Francisco Call, 1905

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of the Ballroom Supper

A ticket to the Patriarch Ball of  New York’s Gilded Age society, in 1892.

The Supper

At most large balls, unless they are very splendid entertainments given by millionaires, the supper is served from the buffet, which means that the guests do not sit down at tables as at a dinner, but seat themselves in chairs placed against the wall of the dining room, or even remain in the ball room or the library, and are served by the waiters or the men guests. 

The menu can be as elaborate or simple as is desired. Bouillon, salads, escalloped oysters, patés, sandwiches, ice cream, fancy cakes and bonbons are usually offered. And champagne, light wines and claret cups are served, while tiny cups of black coffee make an appropriate finale. This is the menu for a big ball; for a smaller dance, bouillon, one hot dish, such as escalloped oysters; chicken, shrimp salad; sandwiches, lobster, or ice cream, cake and coffee will be ample. 

At an informal affair even less will suffice, and salad, ice cream, cake and coffee are all that are really needed. Throughout the evening punch or lemonade is served in an anteroom or a corner of the hall, so that the guests can refresh themselves between the dances.

At large and ceremonious balls one may with perfect propriety arrive at any hour before 12; but at small dances it is considered in better taste to enter the ballroom within an hour of the time specified in the invitation. –By Eleanor B. Clapp, San Francisco Call, 1905 

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Collegiate Agony Aunt

At this instant an acquaintance of yours rushes up and begins to tell you her unbelievably low mark, which she just acquired in her examination, She talks volubly, and your friend fidgets from one foot to the other. 

Sally's Social Slants

The purpose of this column (every column has to have a purpose) is for the help of those who would really like to know a little bit more about etiquette. Of course this may be an old story to the disciples of Emily Post, but many a problem arises on the campus which leaves you at a loss.

For instance, you are standing on the lawn between classes, talking to a friend. At this instant an acquaintance of yours rushes up and begins to tell you her unbelievably low mark, which she just acquired in her examination, She talks volubly, and your friend fidgets from one foot to the other. Before you can introduce them (you surmise they have never met) your acquaintance turns her attention to “that screamingly funny thing she just heard in the Co-op.” Your friend, baffled by the names of “Bill,” “Jane” and “Mary,” whom he doesn't know, and who, from her description, sound rather flighty, mutters something to you about “a class” and hurries away.

What To Do?

You are left with the acquaintance who gabbles cheerily on, not realizing that you heard only half of what she was saying. What to do? Should you have broken into her conversation and introduced them, should you have said quietly “We are discussing the football game” thus winning her undying hatred, or should you have raised your voice and drowned her out, introduced them and then quickly sprinted away.

The thing to do! Let us rehearse the scene. You were talking to your friend, you saw your acquaintance coming (unless she sneaked up on you anyhow the result would be the same), with her approaching footsteps your face should leave that of your friend, and fold into a welcoming smile. Meet her rising tide of small talk with a quick “Well, hello (add her name to show you know it) oh, that's too bad about your low grade. Do you know my friend, Ben Gassing? Ben, this is Lotta Smalltalk.” 

Why Not Explain?

Now your duty is done, Let Lotta rave on, or Ben fidget. They know each other. But is your duty done? In a strictly etiquettal (is there euch a word) sense it is. But it seems rather unkind to listen to Lotta's chatter about Mary, Jane, or Bill, when Ben knows nothing about them. If Lotta insists on telling this screamingly funny incident (and why not?) you should say to Ben “Do you know Mary, Jane or Bill?” If he does, so much the better; if he doesn't, and the story involves more than just their names you should explain briefly as “Bill is a football player,” or “Mary runs the feature column.” This puts everyone at his ease, which is the basic purpose of etiquette after all. – From The Oak Leaf, 1940

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and People Who Borrow

Don’t loan ‘Lillian the Leech’ your new face powder! – “Take for example the case of ‘Lillian the Leech.’ She is always borrowing your comb, lipstick, pencil, or bobby pins. She doesn't just ask you for them once in a while, but so often that you wonder if she even has any cosmetics.”

   

Sally’s Social Slants

No large problem launches itself before the etiquette editor this week, so a series of small ones will be taken up. It was suggested by an ironical co-ed to write a theme on “People Who Borrow Money!” I suggest we make it more general and pen a treatise on “people who borrow anything.”

It is, of course all right occasionally, but moderation in this, the same as in other things is always greatly appreciated by the prospective lender. Take for example the case of ‘Lillian the Leech.’ She is always borrowing your comb, lipstick, pencil, or bobby pins. She doesn't just ask you for them once in a while, but so often that you wonder if she even has any cosmetics. Sometimes she even forgets to return them, and you spend your spare time running her down and recovering your belongings.

Then there is ‘Paul the Parasite,’ who, too, is a habitual borrower. You find him in the classrooms, always without a book. He remedies this little difficulty by looking off of yours. He is never prepared for a test, and so of course he must borrow your binder paper, pen, and eraser. Of course this discourse should end by asking quizzically “are you a Lillian or Paul?” and enjoy your confusion. For we all borrow. the important thing to remember is not to borrow too often, and always return the borrowed article in perfect condition. As for money. Ahem! If you borrow this necessary medium of exchange, you should pay it back. 

It is embarrassing to follow someone for days, trail him finally to the Co-Op, and see him lounging in a booth, consuming your rightful money through a straw. Not that you would feel any better if you ran into him purchasing a copy of Homer, but it's the principle of the thing. If he returns it, then it is all right to borrow, but if the lender has to run him down, and finally extract half the original loan from his reluctant person, then it is all wrong!– From the Oak Leaf, 1940

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette: “Hobos, Tramps or Bums”

“Clip this out and paste it in your book of etiquette. You may need it sometimes to save yourself from one of those embarrassing moments, warns the Knickerbocker Press.” – Above, one of the several “kind woman” symbols used by Hobos in the United States in the 1920’s and 1930’s. Common were the outlines and whiskers, with the outline of a heart in the chest.

They Are Different  Very Distinct Class Lines Drawn Among These Groups

To the average man the words “hobo”, “tramp” and “bum” are synonymous terms, used to designate a type of foot-loose, homeless specimen of the genus hobo. They are terms of derogation and opprobrium Not s0! Before calling a hobo a tramp, or either man a bum, be sure you say it with a smile. For there are very distinct class lines drawn among these group: of unskilled and itinerant workers. 

A hobo is a hard worker of the migratory type. He is possessed of a keen sense of his own importance and value to the world that would suffer without his services. The wheat fields of the Southwest, the timberlands in the Northwest, the fruit lands in various parts of the country could not show a profit without the presence of the hobo at strategic moments. 

To displace him in the economic scheme of things would be to keep on hand well fed and employed the whole year around, thousands of men whose services are only required a few weeks or months a year. Another distinction: The hobo travels on wheels, although the ticket office is not always a part of his traveling experience.

The tramp, on the other hand, migrates according to whim chance. And he always walks. Having nowhere in mind to get, he gets there at his leisure. If he works, as he does now and then, it is because of necessity and not through any sense of personal responsibility to society at large. In the mind of the self-respecting hobo, the tramp is distinctly an inferior.

The bum is looked down upon and despised, both by the hobo and tramp. The bum travels nowhere, does nothing and is nobody. He is a parasite of the city, begging. borrowing, stealing, loafing.

Clip this out and paste it in your book of etiquette. You may need it sometimes to save yourself from one of those embarrassing moments, warns the Knickerbocker Press. — The Campbell Press, 1935 

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Golden Rules

Drinking and cigar smoking are bad habits; they impair the health and pocket, and lead to a waste of time. Above pictured is an absinthe glass and an absinthe spoon in the shape of the Eiffel Tower —Absinthe was a popular French alcoholic beverage from the 1840’s through the 1890’s, though it was eventually banned for many years in several countries, including the United States. According to the Oxford Artisan Distillery, “Modern Absinthe as we know it, resembles the version of the spirit favoured around the time of the French revolution (1789-1799) and tracked to a home in the village of Couvet, Switzerland. There is some confusion as to whether it was first distilled in its contemporary form by the sisters of the Henroid family or by the French doctor Pierre Ordinaire. The popularity of the potent elixir was championed by doctors belonging to the French army in the 1840s to help prevent fevers and malaria. Throughout its rise in popularity, Absinthe had been believed to alleviate menstrual pain, anaemia, and even bad breath. It became so widely consumed during this period that 5pm became known as ‘the green hour’, better recognised today as ‘happy hour’ which has, of course, changed form slightly.“

1. Never, under any circumstances, assume a responsibility that you can avoid consistently with your duty to yourself and others.

2. Base all your actions upon a principle of right; preserve your integrity of character, and in doing this never reckon on the cost.

3. Remember that self-interest is more likely to warp your judgment than all other circumstances combined; therefore, look well to your duty, when your interest is concerned.

4. Never make money at the expense of your reputation.

5. Be neither lavish nor stingy. Of the two, avoid the latter. A mean man is universally despised, but public favor is a stepping stone to preferment therefore, generous feelings should be cultivated.

6. Say but little; think much, and do more.

7. Let your expenses be such as to leave a balance in your pocket. Ready money is a friend in need.

8. Avoid borrowing and lending.

9. Wine drinking and cigar smoking are bad habits; they impair the health and pocket, and lead to a waste of time.

10. Never relate your misfortune, and never grieve over what you cannot prevent.

11. Cultivate promptness in deciding upon matters that come before you; there are few objects more disagreeable and vexatious than an undecided, vacillating man. Consider thoughtfully, but decide promptly.

12. Never break a business engagement of any kind, if it is possible to meet it. Let nothing cause you to become careless of business etiquette, integrity and promptitude.

13. Let truth and an unwavering faith in God underlie all your motives and actions.— Placer Argus, December 1879

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

How a Young Girl Should Behave

Manners and Modes: A young girl has the temerity to bring a chaperone to a dance — From “Punch” or the “London Charivari” Vol. 158, February 25th, 1920 ~ Chaperons were seen less often in society after World War I 

Etiquette for Girls

After a young girl has greeted her hostess, she ean, if accompanied by an escort, stand talking with him for a few moments while he introduces his friends. Her escort must always dance the first dance with her and take her out to supper. 

A girl who comes to a dance accompanied by a chaperon, which is considered the proper thing in very fashionable society, follows her protector to a seat and remains beside her until she is invited to dance. After this she need not return to her chaperon at the end of every dance if her program is happily filled, but may walk about with her escort, accept a glass of lemonade, or sit and talk with him until claimed for the next dance. 

It is the girl's place to stop dancing first, and she can, if she wishes, dance uninterruptedly through the entire number or cease waltzing at any time she pleases, and her partner should at once acquiesce.

No well-bred girl ever refuses a dance to one man and gives it to another. She can, however, plead fatigue and sit out the dance with some one if she prefers to do so. But she must not sit on the stairs or in secluded corners, or dance more than three or four times with the same man, or she will be criticized or gossiped about. 

When a man asks her for a dance she should reply. "With pleasure," or "Yes, I shall be delighted," or something of that sort, or it is permissible to say, "Thank you very mucir, but I am really too tired to dance this number."

It is etiquette for the masculine guest to ask his hostess for at least one dance, if she is a young woman; if not, be must ask her daughter, niece, or what- ever young girl the ball is given for. He must claim each partner immediately the music begins, and conduct her to a seat when the dance is over, and beg to be excused when he leaves her.

For all dances, whether ceremonious balls or the most informal of evening parties, the etiquette for the guests is the same. except that at the smaller affairs the hostess is considered a sufficient chaperon for all her young guests. – By Eleanor B. Clapp, San Francisco Call, 1905

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia