Modern Calling Card Etiquette

A novel twist... a card for promoting one’s book — No matter what kind of card you get, its impact doesn’t end with the printing. “With a business card, you hand them to everyone at the table or when you first meet someone,” Peter Post notes. “In a social environment, like a cocktail party, I wouldn’t do that. Wait until you’ve met someone, 20 minutes or half an hour into the conversation. If you want to follow up with them later or make sure they remember you, then give them your card.”

Calling Cards Make Comeback

Over the last few months, ink has been spilled and pixels slung from mainstream magazines to niche blogs such as “The Art of Manliness” extolling the return of a practically extinct Victorian-era relic known as the calling card.

A kissing cousin to the standard-issue business card containing little more than name and contact information, the calling card is being embraced by a swath of the under-40 set that includes hipster creatives, networking moms and untethered job seekers.

In the era of LinkedIn, Facebook, vCards and BlackBerrys, the idea of a calling card may seem quaint, and 12 months into a full-on recession it could seem like an exercise in snobbery. But it shouldn’t, says Peter Post, director of the Emily Post Institute and coauthor of “The Etiquette Advantage in Business.” “My instant reaction isn’t: ‘Oh, that’s pretentious,’ ” he said. “It’s: ‘Oh, that’s considerate.’ Someone is providing information to you in a way that makes it easy to take in and utilize — and in a way that’s memorable.”

The sour economy and mounting unemployment actually buttress the case for having a professional-looking, nonbusiness business card. But take note: Whether you’re negotiating a play group or suddenly find yourself unshackled from the font and corporate logo of the man, there’s no excuse for going all Comic Sans typeface in periwinkle ink on the front, with a glossy clown photo on the back — unless you make balloon animals for a living.

At least, that’s what the experts tell us. We polled etiquette gurus, printers and a few card-carrying card carriers for some general guidelines on condensing your personality onto a few square inches of card stock.

Don’t try DIY

“The Japanese believe your card is a reflection of who you are,” says Judith Bowman, author of “Don’t Take the Last Donut: New Rules of Business Etiquette.” “If your business card is cheap, flimsy and laminated, that’s the impression you’ll make.” She says that perception applies to calling cards as well. “The idea is, if you’re cutting corners here, where else are you cutting corners?” So step away from the office laser printer.

Go for an easy reader

In choosing paper and ink colors, let a concern for legibility temper your desire to express your fun-time persona: Use white or ecru paper and black ink. If you decide to deviate, “Make sure the colors share the message you’re trying to portray,” advises Bowman. “Jackie Kennedy was known for her powder-blue stationery — a powder blue, a Tiffany or robin’s-egg blue is fun for a social calling card.”

Keep it simple

A social calling card should contain the bearer’s name and one line of contact information. Post and Bowman both caution against including a home address— for safety reasons and because, as Bowman notes, given that information, with just a few clicks around the Internet people can say: “So that’s how much he paid for his house.”

Be one-sided

Although you might be tempted to print information on both sides of the card, etiquette professionals recommend keeping all the information on a single side. Not only is it less expensive, but, as Post points out, the bearer can use the back space to personalize the card. “That’s where you can write down an additional e-mail address or phone number or a note that says: ‘Let’s talk further about rock climbing,’ in a way that makes it so much more memorable.”

Size matters

Stick to the 3 1/2-by-2-inch format of the standard business card. “Different-sized business cards are a little obnoxious,” Bowman says. Post agrees. “Most of the things we have to carry cards in are a standard size, and different-size cards just make things awkward.”

Special delivery

No matter what kind of card you get, its impact doesn’t end with the printing. “With a business card, you hand them to everyone at the table or when you first meet someone,” Post notes. “In a social environment, like a cocktail party, I wouldn’t do that. Wait until you’ve met someone, 20 minutes or half an hour into the conversation. If you want to follow up with them later or make sure they remember you, then give them your card.”

Bowman suggests asking first. “The No. 1 rule is never assume I want your calling card. It’s about earning the right to advance and, like any relationship, it’s about building a trust.” — By Adam Tschorn, Los Angeles Times, 2008

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Surfing Etiquette

AH, SURFING. The sport of sinewy iconoclasts. No pesky umpires, no foul lines, no rules. Easy there, Kerouac. There is, in fact, an unspoken etiquette of the ocean. Here are the Top 10 rules of the reef:

1. We’re all guests of the sea. Just like you wouldn’t show up at a stranger’s house for dinner, you don’t just “drop in” on someone’s wave. In surfer parlance, “dropping in” means that you grabbed a wave that belonged to someone else, and it’s the worst breach of etiquette.
2. "Kook” means loser, not creative type. Surfers still use this old-school pejorative to brand morons, newbies and that guy who yelled, “Shark! Just kidding. What?” Learn the lingo before you go.
3. Let Brian Grazer paddle in peace. Yes, there are famous directors and potent producers surfing out in Malibu. But that doesn’t mean you can slip someone your script in a Ziploc bag or audition during a lull. “You don’t network. And if a wave comes, all conversations end abruptly,” says KCRW DJ and music supervisor Liza Richardson, who surfs regularly.
4. Study the lineup. Ever notice that surfers bob in semi-organized formations? That’s because there’s a pecking order — based on skill and seniority — known as the “lineup” and it determines who gets the best waves. “If someone is really good, I’ll get out of the way and just watch,” says Dana Nielsen, a veteran surfer and music engineer who works with producer Rick Rubin. And because waves can break left or right, it’s impossible to say who’s the best surfer until he or she starts shredding.
5. The old men and the sea. Sexagenarians don’t typically learn to hang ten. Those guys with barnacles in their grizzled beards have been surfing for 30-plus years and have earned the right of way. Respect them.
6. Skip the smoky eye, sister. Chris Mauro, editor of Surfer magazine, can spot a beginner by her blue eye shadow. “You’ll see girls wearing makeup or guys who look like they just walked out of a nightclub and you know that they’re new,” he says. “Anyone overdone stands out.”
7. Loose boards bash brains. Some pros may scoff at leashes, but most surfers agree that a little leg rope can go a long way. “A projectile surfboard can go anywhere from 20 to 30 miles per hour,” says Weston Kinney, who sells boards (and leashes) at Channel Islands Surfboards on Melrose Boulevard and estimates that 99% of surfers in L.A. use a leash. The rule of thumb: Your leash should be about the same length as your board.
8. Don’t brag about secret spots. “A great spot where four people go becomes a place with 12 surfers the next day if word gets out,” says Frank Caronna, founder of Natural Surf Technique school and instructor to Maria Bello and Jessica Biel. “You keep it to yourself.”
9. In other words, leave Matthew McConaughey in the car. Just last month, a kerfuffle broke out in Paradise Cove after a phalanx of paparazzi followed the actor to the Malibu beach. When the paps refused to leave, surfers attacked. The end result? Thanks to the press and photos, every first-time surfer who subscribes to Us Weekly will be heading to Paradise Cove from now on.
10. Waves of nausea. What do neglected wetsuits and puppies have in common? “Everyone urinates in their wetsuits,” says Caronna, who uses a shot of Woolite when he washes his surf togs. “But if you don’t rinse it in fresh water, and just throw it in the back of your car, that’s trouble.” - By Monica Corcoran, L.A. Times, 2008

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Restaurant Who’s Who

Who has what job in the restaurant dining room...

Here are the key positions you’ll find at most upscale restaurants. The more formal the restaurant, the more people you can expect to see milling about the dining room. The terms may vary by restaurant.

Host or hostess: Greets guests and, depending on the restaurant, may also take reservations. The host usually handles walk-ins and helps with seating at the bar and with taking items to coat check.

General manager (G.M.): The G.M. oversees all restaurant operations that don’t fall under the executive chef’s purview — from budget to staffing and service issues. Generally, the G.M. works in an office, but he or she can often be seen pinch-hitting in the dining room.

Maître d’: From the French maître d’hôtel (“master of the house”). The maître d’ oversees the seating chart, making sure VIPs get the best servers and choice tables. He greets guests upon arrival (sometimes getting a monied handshake) and ensures smooth table flow. If a table lingers too long, for example, it’s the maître d’s job to tactfully offer those guests a drink at the bar. Depending on the size of the restaurant, the maître d’ sometimes doubles as floor manager.

Floor manager: A catch-all position overseeing the dining room and perhaps fulfilling the duties of a maître d’ or captain at restaurants that don’t have them.

Captain: Oversees several tables in a section of the restaurant and has a team of staffers (front waiters, runners, back waiters, bus people) at his disposal. He stays in the dining room, making sure everyone in his section is having a smooth dining experience. He greets the table; takes appetizer, entrée, dessert and coffee orders; and “drops” the check. He is also in charge of pacing the meal so that entrees don’t arrive when you’re halfway through your starter. At restaurants with table-side service, the captain is responsible for flourishes such as filleting fish or carving fowl. The position exists in the most formal New York restaurants (Per Se, Daniel and Le Bernadin) and Providence and Craft in L.A.

Waiter: Fulfills the same function as the captain in less formal restaurants, minus the oversight of other tables, which is left to a floor manager.

Front waiter: The liaison between the kitchen and the waiter, he also assists the waiter or captain with wine and beverage service and helps “mark” or set the table before each course

Sommelier or wine director: Assists guests with food and wine pairings, tactfully gauging what the guests will want to spend. He also typically purchases wine for the restaurant, arranges staff tastings and assembles the wine list.

Maître fromager: If the restaurant has a substantial cheese selection, chances are it also has a master of cheese. He presents cheeses at the table and serves them, making suggestions when appropriate about wine pairings. He also cares for the cheeses, keeping them at the right temperature and aiming for peak ripeness. There are only a handful in L.A., at restaurants such as Spago.

Runner: Responsible for bringing dishes from the kitchen to the table. Using table positions (provided by the waiter), the runner drops dishes in front of the appropriate guests.

Back waiter/bus person: Responsible for “table maintenance”: refilling water glasses and coffee cups, clearing finished dishes, crumbing the table.

— By Restaurant Critic and Author, Pascale Le Draoulec, 2007

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Duke of Saint-Simon on Versailles

Saint-Simon’s Memoirs are a rich treasure trove of observations and critiques. He turned his forensic eye on all of the major players at Versailles, providing occasionally fierce judgements on life behind the scenes at the palace. 
—Photo source, public domain

A Tattletale’s Mémoire  

Louis de Rouvroy, Duke of Saint-Simon, was born at Versailles in January 1675. His father Claude, the first duke, had been a page and favorite of Louis XIII, who appreciated his talent as a huntsman and the fact that when he blew into his hunting horn, he did not slobber. At 16, Claude’s son became one of Louis XIV’s musketeers and joined in the Sun King’s campaigns during that monarch’s endless wars. When he was 18, his father bought him a company of cavalry at whose head he fought in the bloody battle of Neerwinden in 1693, after which he was promoted to colonel. Passed over for promotion to general a few years later, he resigned from the army. He was 27. Though he had been keeping a journal since 1694, his “Memoirs” proper begin in 1691. They end in 1723, 32 years before his death; and they paint a prodigious, personal, petulant, prejudiced portrait of a remarkable time and of the remarkable man who portrayed it.

Puny, spare, sickly, drawn, thin-lipped, sharp-nosed, nervous, choleric, stubborn, sour-tempered, Saint-Simon was an old man’s son. Claude had been almost 70 when Louis was born, and his descendant showed the wear. So did Louis’ descendants: The diarist’s daughter was deformed, his elder son feeble and the younger one, prey to terrible convulsions, may have been epileptic.

Rash in his actions and reactions, our man was subject to fierce passions, his temper and the body he called his “frail machine” recurrently wracked by outbursts of rage: He was fretful, sulky, vexed over nothings, violent in humor, intemperate, with no trace of restraint. There was no need or heed of self-control: For Saint-Simon, pride governed all. He was a noble, and for him French nobility was the greatest— essentially the only— nobility that counted in the world.

He was a duke and peer. After the king himself, after legitimate princes of the blood, only dukes counted. Dukes were a race apart, above mere “people of quality” who dared aspire to approach the king. Far greater than that of lesser folk, Saint-Simon’s pride was the pride of a duke claiming descent from Charlemagne, not of a nobleman or a mere gentleman on whose kind he looked down, as he did more vertiginously on “the vile bourgeoisie.”

There was good reason to be wary of the bourgeois. Unlike most of his contemporaries, our author saw that, throughout the reign of Louis XIV, the Third Estate had been grasping at the levers of power. Commoners had become administrators, magistrates and ministers of state who governed the land and public opinion by their command of letters, and public affairs by their control of finance.

He looked with suspicion on clerks, men of letters, the great courts of law called parliaments, the war machine of the literate plebs called the Academy. He turned baleful eyes on the materialism for which they stood, the power of money, the temptations of conspicuous consumption and on the decadence of a noble First Estate, no longer truly noble, reduced to the level of the populace except that their plebeian rivals were free to work, to trade, to earn, even to serve in the military, while nobles wallowed in idleness and nonproductiveness.

He did not detest the common people. He loved them, or he thought he loved them, paternalistically, as a lord of the Middle Ages might have: in their place, whence they should not challenge his rightful place.

He strove to realize his anachronistic pretensions, he battled, he intrigued, he failed, and his failures infuriated him. Pride turned to vanity, which we know as vexation of spirit, and to pretentiousness. Trivial pursuits became primordial: precedence, etiquette, who should salute whom first, who might sit in the king’s presence, dine at his table, keep his hat on before a duke and peer or cross the throne room in a straight line or diagonally.

His contemporary, the Marquis d’Argenson, himself a diarist, described Saint-Simon as a canting little fool full of conceit, “unjust, odious, and anthropophagous.” Had d’Argenson been able to read the “Memoirs,” he might have thought again. Or maybe not.

Gimlet-eyed concerning individuals, Saint-Simon ignores the historical events around him, perceiving political and social affairs only in terms of personalities, cliques, gestures within the narrow compass of the court.

Contemporary figures that history retains are slighted or pass unnoticed. He doesn’t seem to have heard about Saint-Evremond the essayist or Montesquieu the political philosopher. He refers to Voltaire only as the son of his father’s solicitor, exiled for impudent verse. He despises the French Academy as a place where no gentleman should venture. He deplores his great friend, the Duke of Orleans, dabbling in painting and in chemistry: fads and deprivations of a spirit “born bored,” and too blase for serious pursuits like intrigue or hunting.

In an age in which history turned around kings, queens and other exalted personalities, Saint-Simon was the compleat insider. Involved yet semi-detached, he stood at the center of the central court in Christendom, reported its doings, described its personalities and etched their settings.

Slyly droll in many comments, voluptuous when he savors vengeance, skeptical on principle, credulous when it suits his purpose, he builds his petite histoire out of the dust of history--like a termite tower, but one clad in inexhaustible verbal richness. Envy and jealousy sharpen his perceptions as they do his pen. Fury and hate chafe him. When they burst out, the basic sourness erupts in vitriol, in flames, in delirious descriptions of humiliation and revenge.

Yet this sensitivity, this propensity to intrigue, these ears and eyes ever ferreting for fuel served his curiosity and whetted his talent. So, despite his faults, he gives a wonderful picture of a certain society at a certain time; he names names and identifies personalities, achievements, flaws.

Suspecting, accusing, despising, he presses his curiosity to delve beyond the surface and beyond what’s just below the surface, to plumb hearts and motives to the marrow. Hating, he searches for chinks and weaknesses and finds them, he snuffles until he turns up a truffle: some hidden (preferably shameful) secret, a blemish or a taint.

He seldom stops to think. He does not reflect on acts or people, but he reflects them like a mirror, sometimes a deforming mirror, rapid, dry, callous, clear, zeroing in on the telling detail, sketching a vivid fresco of contemporaries, the more lifelike for being distorted by passion at times:

“Madame de Montchevreuil was a great creature, skinny, yellow, who laughed silly and showed long ugly teeth, of a formal bearing, lacking only a wand to be a perfect fairy.” About Guillaume Dubois, who would become a cardinal and first minister of the king: "[A] small thin man, cutting and mean of mien, with a blond wig and looking like a weasel. All the vices struggled in him over which one would win.”

Saint-Simon’s portraits breathe and move; whiffs of rumor, gossip and prejudice freshen the scenes, cameos and descriptions, especially of situations he has witnessed. A sermon fills two princesses with contrition; they debate penance and conclude that they will order their lackeys to fast. Old Marshal de Villeroy, “an old hand at court,” observes that you hold the chamber pot for a minister in power but empty it over his head when he’s on the skids.

Passionate himself, Saint-Simon’s writing flares coldly: subtle, often bitter, magnificently ferocious, negligent of proprieties, expressive, sensational, vital. His pen probes court society, its trivialities, its corruptions, its built-in decay. His cracks explode like firecrackers: “Smallpox made him blind in one eye, wealth made him blind in both.” “She was a real heiress: rich, ugly and sullen.” A friend’s brother is “as nasty as stupidity allows.”

This goes on for volume after volume, through 11 manuscript tomes, 98 files, countless portfolios and bundles, enough in transcript for a lifetime’s browsing even if you don’t know a thing about the age.

In the 1960s, Lucy Norton translated and edited the thousands of pages of the “Memoirs,” rendering them into three fat volumes “intended for the pleasure of the general reader.” The three volumes now on sale bear out her claim. The translation is clear, crisp and dry as a cold white wine; the English is less harsh and angular than the original French but just as distinguished, as robust, as full of verve. Specialists will go to the original; most readers of French will, too.

But the version Norton offers as “an appetizer” represents more than that: an introduction and a tribute to “things of beauty wrought no more,” which is how Marcel Proust, who loved to ramble through these pages, described Saint-Simon’s spellbinding masterpiece. — By Eugen Weber, for the Times, September 2000

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Respect for Children

Not This...                                             Do This!

Points for Parents

Daughter: “Don't wear that fussy red dress when you come to school, will you?” Mother: “If you're going to he ashamed of me, I won't go at all.”

Mother: “Which one of my dresses do you want me to wear when I visit your school? I can remember when I was your age, I cared a lot what my mother wore.”

The way we interpret a child’s concern about our appearance may be an indication of whether we’re immaturely over-sensitive or maturely understanding. — By Edyth Thomas Wallace, 1952

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Late 20th C. State of U.S. Etiquette

If you’re part of the Generation X crowd or younger, you can thank your parents for your lacking decorum. (Is there nothing that parents can’t be blamed for?) Manners mavens say the hippie ‘60s— when everything conventional was rejected— was the start of the decline. Etiquette experts say the deterioration continued into the 1970s and ‘80s, when people were too busy or just didn’t care about their behavior.

With the holiday season soon in full swing, chances are you’ve experienced —or will— this dining play-by-play:

It begins with a fellow diner attacking a meal, grunting as he spears and saws his way through a piece of meat. Painfully, it continues as he heaves gobs of mashed potatoes into his gaping mouth, stopping only to savor the defining moment of gustatory satisfaction— a big, juicy buuurrrp.

Where were these table barbarians reared? Perhaps in the Land of Piggy-Piggy. You know, that place where chewing open-mouthed, using the back of the hand as a napkin and employing a toothpick to catch any after-dinner treats are celebrated activities.

The fact is, a large portion of our adult population lacks some of the basic social skills that separate human from beast. And their children are following by example.

Shocked by the way little Johnny downs his lime Jell-O or mashes meatballs into his mouth? Well, don’t be too appalled. Chances are the tyke got some of his best lessons at home.

“Ninety percent of manners is role modeling,” says Joan K. Hopper, who holds etiquette programs for children, adults and the business community.

If you’re part of the Generation X crowd or younger, you can thank your parents for your lacking decorum. (Is there nothing that parents can’t be blamed for?) Manners mavens say the hippie ‘60s— when everything conventional was rejected— was the start of the decline. Etiquette experts say the deterioration continued into the 1970s and ‘80s, when people were too busy or just didn’t care about their behavior.

“For the past 20 years, I’ve watched the decline of human behavior,” says Letitia Baldrige, an expert on manners who has served as social secretary at the U.S. embassies in Paris and Rome. “It’s just amazing— amazing!— the things people think are acceptable at the table and even in other parts of our lives.”

A decline in the importance the country places on table manners has led to a generation that believes eating with fingers is cute and that placing elbows on the table is OK if you’re really tired.

“Good manners should have never gone away,” Hopper says. “Now we have to play catch-up.”

In defense of those who rebelled against social decorum, there are other reasons for the manners mess. The ever-more-rushed pace of society and increasing number of single-parent households where the parent works most of the time and the children often eat in front of a TV or computer are also to blame for our diminishing demeanor.

Of course, few people are willing to admit they have poor manners. But practically everyone has a friend who does.

Etiquette experts say social skills can give a person an upper hand in the job market. “People judge each other on how they carry and present themselves,” Hopper says. “That includes potential friends and employers.”

The good news? Etiquette consultants say more people want to learn. “I’m especially seeing it within the business community,” Hopper says. “Companies are really concerned about setting a good example when traveling abroad.”

“I expect things to change for the better,” Baldrige says. “I really think we should expect a social revolution.” — Helen Ubinas, Times, 1995

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Australian Yacht Etiquette

According to a 2006 Guardian News article, former Royal butler, Paul Burrell, told of a Prince who made a memorable faux pas: “If you're faced with a regiment of cutlery and an army of glasses and you're unsure what to do, watch your host to see what they do. I was once on the Royal Yacht Britannia in the South Pacific and the Queen was hosting a dinner for a local Prince. Dessert was served. The Prince forgot to watch what the Queen did - instead, he popped the grapes into his finger bowl, then some cherries, then when the cream and sugar came out, he poured them in too, making a kind of fruit soup. I was standing behind the Queen looking horrified. He was about to raise the bowl to his lips to drink it when he looked at the Queen and realised he had made a terrible mistake. Not wanting to make him feel awkward, she picked up her finger bowl and took a sip. Now that's class.”

Summer is here in Australia, and so are the holidays.  When we think December holidays we think of lounging beside the cool water, swimming and boats.  For some, chartering a yacht is just the perfect time to reflect and unwind.  To make your yachting experience that much easier, these are the captain’s top tips:

 

Safety - It’s essential to listen to the safety briefing.  It really does save lives.  Give your captain and crew your attention at the bringing of your trip.
 
‘No Shoe’ Rule - When you board and cross the passerelle or gangway, there will be a basket for your shoes. The yacht’s beautiful teak wood boards are laid and highly polished.  Wearing anything other than shipshape, approved soft-soled deck shoes, can colour and scuff that beautiful wood. Heels will leave indentations and shoes generally will bring in dirt, dust, gum and even tar from roads and sidewalks.  This is your chance for your pedicures to shine, so don’t be afraid to show them off.
 
Service Staff - If you have boarded an American yacht, then the service staff have been trained to interact with clients.  European service staff will more likely give you the service you need and require, however they will keep more invisible and quiet. 
 
Planning Ahead - The company you have booked through will provide a chance for you to fill in a preference sheet.  This will list your likes and dislikes and what you plan to do while on-board.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Melbourne Cup

As the horses pass you see their flared nostrils, pushing out carbon dioxide into the air, chests pumping to get to the finishing line first! The crowd’s chatter has become hushed tones, as they intently watch like eagles, turning their heads from left to right in a 3200 metre race at 3:00 p.m. exactly, on the first Tuesday in November.  It is known as “the race that stops the nation.” It is also known as the Melbourne Cup.

Can you hear the thundering in the ground beneath you? You can actually feel the horses before they fly past you within seconds, kicking up the greenest, thickest grass with soil into the crowd. The jockeys with laser concentration, visualising what is ahead of them, each one wearing the colours of their company. 

As the horses pass you see their flared nostrils, pushing out carbon dioxide into the air, chests pumping to get to the finishing line first! The crowd’s chatter has become hushed tones, as they intently watch like eagles, turning their heads from left to right in a 3200 metre race at 3:00 p.m. exactly, on the first Tuesday in November.  It is known as “the race that stops the nation.” It is also known as the Melbourne Cup.


The Melbourne Cup, held at Flemington Racecourse, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. The very first race was held in 1861. The race now has been shortened from over 3 kilometers to 3200 meters. It is a time where race meets all over the world and Australia, starting in Spring then coverage to this day and after. You will see Sheiks from the Middle East, Oligarchs from Russia, the rich, famous and invested from Asia, come to the most famous day in November.


Other than viewing the most beautiful horses on earth, you will undoubtedly get to enjoy the site of some truly beautiful spring dresses and hats. It is a time for men and women to show their creativeness, boldness and bravery, which puts into a spin, the local seamstresses, milliners, glove and shoe boutiques. It is the perfect excuse to dress bright, elegant and stand out with a milliner's hat or one that you have designed yourself. 

Of course, you can dress up anytime for a race meet all over Australia, however the major days that you would want to be seen are:

31st October - Victoria Derby Day

3rd November - Melbourne Cup Day

5th November - Kennedy Oaks Day

7th November - Stakes Day

In 1965, model Jean Shrimpton scandalized Australia with her poor manners and white mini skirt — In her memoir, Shrimpton recalled, “The day of the races was a hot one, so I didn't bother to wear any stockings. My legs were still brown from the summer, and as the dress was short it was hardly formal. I had no hat or gloves with me, for the very good reason that I owned neither. I went downstairs cheerfully from my hotel room, all regardless of what was to come.” According to reports at the time, there was a deafening silence in the members' lounge at Flemington when Shrimpton arrived two hours late, accompanied by her then-boyfriend, actor Terence Stamp. Her outfit defied all fashion protocol and was in stark contrast with the other race goers in their accepted, conservative race day attire. By wearing no hat, stockings or gloves, with the minidress, she became the target of catcalls from the men and jeers from the women. The kneeling cameramen surrounding her were all shooting upwards to make the avant-garde dress appear even shorter. 
— Photo source, public domain from ABC Jean Shrimpton.ogv

Dress Etiquette and Style Guide

The VRC (or the Victorian Racing Club) does have etiquette rules for how ladies and gents need to be attired, if one is to enter certain areas of the racecourse. If one is lucky enough to be invited to private and/or member sections, there are a few rules to remember:

Ladies - are required to dress suitable standards of dressing, maintain dignity inside the enclosure. Overseas guests are able to wear their formal national dress of origin. Not acceptable is jumpsuit/playsuits, midriff exposed or shorts.

Gentleman - are required to attire themselves with tailored slacks (tailored chino's), sports coat/blazer, tie and dress shoes. Overseas guests are able to wear their formal national dress of origin. During the hot summer months jackets can be a side item.

Children - are required to be neatly dressed and with an adult.

Member’s Guests - are required to adhere to the above dress requirements.

Fashions on the Field... It’s Competition Time!

This is an amazing sight that brings the colour, fashion and drama to the races. The competition is held in collaboration with VRC and Myer Department Store each year. 

Held for over 57 years, it was first created in an attempt to appeal to more women. What was a male dominated sport suddenly seemed ‘fashionable.’ The fashion competition is now a glam event, held over the four days, and brings in international designers, milliners, and global media attention, along with celebrity judges.

There are some that have made their name known just entering these competitions putting together a stunning outfit from shoes, outfit, hairstyle and hat.

The competition has four sections that attendees can compete in: Women's Racewear, Men's Racewear, an Emerging Designer Award, and a Millinery Award.

This is an amazing time in Melbourne. I hope to see you one day there.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia