Lebanese Culture, Etiquette and Customs

LEBANON

With a reputation bigger than its surface area, Lebanon - once known as the Switzerland of the Middle East - is home to the most fascinating cultural facts.

As childhood experiences help in decoding adult comportment, reference to history and socio-political conditions help in interpreting a nation’s cultural heritage. Here below are selected tips to help readers expand their cultural knowledge about Lebanon and become savvier visitors once they get the chance to explore its beauty.

HISTORY

Modern history of Lebanon began in 1920, following World War I, when the League of Nations granted France a mandate over Lebanon to replace the control of the Ottoman Empire. This gave rise to the State of Greater Lebanon Lubnan al Koubra, with its present boundaries. Two decades later the country fought for its independence from the French and the mandate formally ended on November 22nd 1943. Many believe that this is why French is still widely spoken in Lebanon. The fact is, however, that French was spoken among the Lebanese elite since the Ottoman days and many to this day, still identify themselves with the West rather than the Middle East. France was not only concerned with occupying the Lebanese territories, but was also involved in helping rebuild the infrastructure, the socio-economic, governmental and judicial systems, as well as influencing the educational and administrative structures of the country. Hence, to this day, France is referred to as the Tender Mother - Al Umm al Hanunah - of Lebanon.

GEOGRAPHY

With its vibrant capital Beirut, Lebanon is a densely populated country. It is located in the Levantine region on the eastern coast of the Mediterranean Sea and bordered by Syria from the North and the East.

Before visiting Lebanon, one must know that the Southern border of the country is a long-debated matter. Although one might believe that Lebanon is bounded by the South by Israel, many might argue that the Southern border of the country ought to be called the Palestinian Occupied Territories. It is wise to stray away from such arguments and look for conversations that help cross the cultural bridge based on agreeable grounds.

POLITICS

Throughout history, clashes between Christians and Muslims led to many disruptions, conflicts and civil wars. To ease tensions and satisfy all communities, the Lebanese decided to divide the control of the public offices among the existing religious confessions. According to this unique governing system, they agreed to share the power of the main government branches among the prominent three religious parties, whereby the President of the Republic ought to be a Maronite Christian, the Prime Minister a Sunni Muslim and the Speaker of the Parliament a Shiite Muslim. This arrangement still holds to this day.

The current political situation of the country is complex with inapt leaders governing it and foreign diplomatic forces influencing it, all the while having religion playing a central role in all matters. Nevertheless, neither internal nor external political forces can deny the cultural legacy of Lebanon and its contribution to the region’s heritage.

CULTURE

Like many in the Arab nations, the Lebanese focus on relationships, value family traditions and have high regard for religion. Lebanon has a pluralistic society with a diverse ethnic population. It is religiously the most diverse country in the Arab world, with 18 officially recognized confessional communities, including, four Muslim sects, twelve Christian sects, Druze and Judaism.

With a history dating back more than 5000 years, this ancient land is marked by the world’s most fascinating civilizations. Its archeological sites reveal the past inhabitance of Phoenicians, Greeks, Romans, Byzantines, Arabs, Crusaders, Mamluks and Ottomans. Moreover, it is home to one of the oldest yet continuously lived in cities ever, called Byblos.

LANGUAGE

There is a difference between the written and spoken Arabic language across the Arab world. In Lebanon, the Language spoken is the Lebanese colloquial form of Levantine Arabic. Lebanon has a high literacy rate, and most people are at least bilingual with French or English as their second language. 

French is commonly used among the Christian communities and English has become even more widespread in the last two decades. Nevertheless, Modern Standard Arabic or al Fusha, is the same across the Middles East and the only language used in the News media, books, written documents, and formal settings. Fortunately, as English and French are widely spoken, foreigners find it easy to communicate around the city.

Another locally heard language is Armenian, spoken by the Armenian community which mostly settled in following the 1915 genocide that led Armenians to disperse all around the world.

LEBANESE CUISINE

Lebanese cuisine is not only a reflection of national heritage, but also a world- famous cultural staple, elevating Lebanon to prominent gastronomic standards. The food is rich with aromatic flavors, inspired at once by the cooking of regional influences and of dominant powers throughout history. Even so, the most famous dishes remain the home-made recipes passed down from one generation to another and among communities from grandmothers, to mothers, daughters, granddaughters, neighbors and friends.

When Lebanese expatriates are asked what they miss the most about the country, oftentimes the answer is the same: “The food!”. The lavish cuisine consists of more than forty mezzé dishes with a variety of cold plates followed by hot ones artfully presented in Service à la Française.

Unlike other Arab cultures, Lebanese enjoy chatting at mealtimes. Conversations can easily shift from travel, fashion and TV shows to heated political discussions, which most likely end with pleasantries and good laughs to cheer up the mood.
Lebanese indulge their guests by offering them meals with abundance. Invitees should gracefully appreciate the generosity of the hosts, for no food gets wasted at the end of these feasts. Based on Arab customs, food charity is practiced by caring and sharing with others, be it the relatives, the neighbors, the helpers or the needy ones in the community.

A lot of mezzés are eaten with Arabic bread, otherwise known as the pita bread. The traditional Lebanese table setting does not include a bread plate however. Therefore, once the bread is cut by hand, it is best to place it on the side of the plate rather than on the table cloth.

When guests are not familiar with some ingredients offered by the host, it is mannerly not to refuse the suggestions, unless for health reasons, but to savor them graciously, as much as possible. For this shows humility, kindness and appreciation to the hosts’ efforts.

CLOTHING STYLE

In urban areas clothing and fashion are heavily influenced by the West. The majority of the population wears western outfits, with many stylish Lebanese keeping a close eye on international trends. In rural communities however, the traditional clothes are still observed by some. You might get across women wearing a long dress Festan or a Tannura skirt covering all the skin, and men wearing a Sherwal baggy pants, a long-sleeved shirt Kamis, a vest and a headdress or a Tarbush hat with a black tassel. Lebanese Muslims generally wear more modern cloths than in most Arab countries. Even so, headscarves are common among Muslim Lebanese women, most of whom opt for western style outfits covering their skin.

Nonetheless, as going back to the roots and reviving local traditions are being emphasized, many Lebanese designers are blending the traditional with the modern and creating stylish traditional cloths and abayas suitable for evening and day wear for all ages and communities.

COMMUNICATION

Lebanese have an indirect communication style and avoid confrontational interactions. They pleasantly volunteer in sharing their opinion but prefer to stay cautious when giving sad or bad news.

People are sincere and wholehearted. They display their emotions frequently and make use of a lot of gestures to express themselves with passion.

INSHALLAH

In Allah Rad or Inshallah, meaning God willing, are widely used expressions among the Lebanese, to link prospects or upcoming tasks to faith in God. Like most Arabs, locals use it to come across as humble and prudent about their future commitments, to do whatever there is in their power, but leave the outcome into God’s own hands. People often use these terms to hedge themselves from unforeseen circumstances keeping them from achieving their duties. Therefore, should local counterparts use these expressions at the end of a sentence, foreigners mustn’t regard it as an excuse nor assume that a given task will not be completed. It is merely a reference to faith as being the end resulting force to any occurrence.

YALLA

One of the most common words in the Arabic language is the word Yalla. Depending on the implication of the sentence and the intensity of it, the meaning can vary. To name only a few, Yalla could stand for “quickly, c’mon, let’s go, let’s start, hurry up, come down, come up, go on, waiting for you...”

INTERRUPTIONS

For a Lebanese, being present in a conversation means talking passionately with enthusiasm. Oftentimes, this leads to verbal interactions full of disruptions. In such cases foreigners must consider interruptions as sign of engagement and warmth rather than rudeness and disrespect.

BODY LANGUAGE

Body language is an essential communication medium and talking with the hands is a common practice for the Lebanese. Oftentimes people use gestures rather than words to express themselves. For instance, they put the head up while raising the eyebrows along with a click sound made with the tongue such as tzso to mean “No” or “I disagree.”

Warmth is not only expressed vocally but also physically. It is common to see people kissing and embracing family members, friends or colleagues, regardless of rank, age or gender, except among traditional Muslims.

HAND GESTURES

Like most Arabs, Lebanese use a lot of hand gestures. To name a few common ones, consider first the hand signal corresponding to the word Shou? meaning What? It is identified by raising the hand up and turning the fingers in half a circle.

Another popular hand movement is when someone brings the fingers together while the palm is facing upwards and lifts the hand up and down telling the interlocutor to take it easy or to speak slowly, using the term Shwey-Shwey. This same gesture can also be used to warn someone for a wrongdoing, as parents use it often with their children.

Moreover, both disagreements and drawing attention to stop an action can also be emphasized with hand gestures. People place the right hand with the palm open facing the interlocutor to mean “Stop,” or “I don’t want to hear anymore” and use the words Khalas or Bess.

Surely there are many more hand signals to learn about. As foreigners become more familiar with local customs, they can find them easy to decode.

HANDSHAKE

Zooming out of the Covid19 context, most Lebanese shake hands when greeting formally or meeting people for the first time, both in social and business settings.

However, traditional Muslim men and women refrain from shaking hands with the opposite gender. They place their right hand over the heart along with a slight head nod to acknowledge their interlocutor. Eye contact is made rather carefully, to keep the interaction respectfully suitable. To avoid any confusion, when meeting locals from the opposite sex, foreigners who are not familiar with the religious background of their Arab counterpart must wait for the latter to initiate the greeting form and hence reciprocate.

The Lebanese handshake is differentiated with a grip that’s more firm than that of the Arab world but slightly longer than that in the West, as people may commonly ask about family wellbeing and even exchange pleasantries while greeting.

POSTURE AND EYE CONTACT

Needless to say, that keeping a good posture reflects on people positively. Slouching is considered disrespectful or simply nonchalant in Arab cultures. Crossing the legs is acceptable as long as the shoe soles are not facing anyone. The upper body must be turned towards the speaker and eye contact with the interlocutor is expected to convey a message of trust and sincerity. Nevertheless, age, position, social ranking and gender are crucial factors during communications. With this in mind, throughout any given conversation, a prolonged eye contact may be interpreted as disrespectful, confrontational or bad intentioned.

PERSONAL SPACE

In the Middle East, people stand closer than in the West, with a personal space which makes foreigners sometimes uncomfortable. Lebanese don’t mind shorter distances throughout interactions and enjoy socializing in proximities that Westerners reserve for private conversations usually.

SOCIAL ETIQUETTE

Lebanese etiquette is highly influenced by the French, be it in social or business-related matters. Yet, many social behaviors are based on Arab cultural norms. Lebanese value honor, tradition, loyalty and relationships.

GREETING

In Arabic, to greet respectfully, one may say Marhaba, which corresponds to Hello. In some communities people also use the expression As Salamu Aleykom, meaning Peace be upon you, for which the reply would be Wa Aleykom As Salam, meaning Peace be upon you as well. It is also quite common to hear friends, colleagues, acquaintances and even strangers use French greeting terms, such as bonjour and bonsoir, for manners and etiquette are highly influenced by the French norms. Locals often transform foreign words into Arabic such as Bonjour-eyn/Bonsoir-eyn, meaning double Bonjour/Bonsoir to highlight warmth and friendliness. Since the Lebanese are multilingual, they even switch between Lebanese Arabic, French and English, whence one hears the famous greeting style of Hi, Kifak, ça va? meaning Hi, how are you, good?

When foreigners want to make a good first impression however, it is highly appreciated to make an effort to speak at least some words in Arabic like the proper greeting terms such as Sabah el Kheyr for good morning, to which the reply is Sabah el noor, and Masa el Kheyr for good evening, to which the reply is Masa el noor.

LEBANESE SENSE OF HUMOR

Nothing tops the humor of the Lebanese. They enjoy cracking a joke out of every situation and find a funny side to almost every aspect. Politics, religion, economy, business, education, family relations, you name it, nothing and no subject matter can escape in terms of jokes. Recently, when the French President Macron visited the country, Lebanese were quick to create a funny joke, stating that the French Head of State, once back from his visit to Lebanon started using the local term Bonjour-eyn to greet his assistant, rather than the proper French term Bonjour, pointing out to the influence of the ‘Lebanese style’ on visitors.

Although Lebanese enjoy a good laugh about any topic, they have no intention to disrespect or mock people with their sense of humor, as they are meant to be harmless and purely for fun.

LEBANESE HOSPITALITY

Arabs are world famous for being warm, hospitable and welcoming. Lebanese culture is no exception to this norm and locals are known for being very friendly, helpful and generous. Foreign guests are warmly received and even pampered sometimes with exposure to Beirut’s world-famous nightlife. They are honored and offered the best of what is available from food to services. Hospitality comprises a lot of food-based entertainment where guests are served copious variety of meals to show respect, amiability and honor to the invitees. When invited to a Lebanese home, it is best to take a gift rather than show up empty handed. Foreign guests offering a traditional artisanal handicraft are greatly appreciated. It is also customary to offer practical gifts such as desserts, sweets or even a nice bottle of wine or champagne, should the host be tolerant of alcohol of course. However, to play it safe, it is best to err on the side of caution.

Offering something in return is not a must but rather a friendly attempt to gratify the host, build bridges or strengthen the rapport.

FAMILY ROLE

As in most Arab cultures, respect, consideration and loyalty to the family are a priority for the Lebanese patriarchal society, where the father is considered the head of the household and the mother, the goddess of her family. Both the immediate and the extended families are important and regarded as a system of support and care for all its members. The security offered by the family is regarded as the nucleus that strengthens its members, gives them peace of mind, leads them to self-growth and ultimately to success.

Family matters are sacred and may even take precedence over loyalty to friends or other obligations which may conflict with family duties.

As senior members are always honored and respected, younger generations come to realize by an early age, that caring for parents and elderlies is part of the family’s legacy.

BUSINESS ETIQUETTE

Lebanese adopt a serious attitude and a formal behavior in business settings, all the while being warm and approachable. They may even go out of their way sometimes, to be helpful and friendly, depending on the level of the negotiation or the importance of the relations.

Doing business in Lebanon entails mixing business with pleasure and establishing personal relations leads to more business prospects and safer bets. Therefore, social networking and friendly relations are key factors to successful negotiations and business deals.

MEETINGS

Meetings are held on time with a proper handshake, starting with the most senior person first, and business cards are exchanged with the right hand, once everyone is seated.
Oftentimes visitors are proposed a choice of hot or cold drinks. Sometimes Arabic coffee is served customarily along with a glass of water. In that case, accepting it would be the sensible thing to do.

Throughout business gatherings one may expect interruptions, as Lebanese rely on an open-door policy where telephone calls may selectively be answered, colleagues or assistants may walk in for a quick update or even documents may sometimes require a quick cross check. In some cases, unexpected guests may join the meeting for a while bringing up unrelated conversations and pleasantries. With patience and tactfulness, however, one might redirect the focus to the desired level of seriousness.

At the end of a business encounter, before leaving, everyone stands up to shake hands once again, which might take as long as the first one, especially if the outcome of the meeting looks promising and fruitful.

FAMILY OWNED BUSINESSES

Many successfully anchored businesses are family owned, with key positions held by family members, due either to merit or to nepotism. It is best to eschew any form of disapproval regarding this matter. Criticism, in general, must be avoided at all cost as it may be interpreted as an insult. Even constructive criticism, no matter how well-intended, is not appreciated. Foreigners should suggest their professional recommendations sensibly, making sure to mention praise and high regard for the subject matter to save face and preserve the individual’s dignity.

HONORIFICS

Courtesy titles and honorifics based on position and status are widely used in Lebanon. It is therefore important to recognize this and address people respectfully according to their social, professional, religious or political rank. Moreover, it is common to use honorific titles such as ‘Monsieur’, ‘Sheikh’, ‘Beik’, ‘Hajj’ ‘Madame’ or ‘Dr.’ while referring to people by their “First Name” rather than the title followed by the “Last Name.”

One could never say enough about Lebanon’s deeply rooted traditions and norms! Its diverse culture comprises one of the most unique lifestyles in the Arab world. It is a perfect blend of the East and the West where headscarved Muslims walk comfortably alongside women in crop tops and shorts, Mosques are built next to Churches, bombarded buildings stand next to historical monuments and where skillful professionals work hard by day and go clubbing by night before winding down at traditional homes. This is the charm of Beirut, its people, and its culture. This is Lebanon!

Contributor, Irma Vartanian Balian, founding Director of ProtocolWise ™ has lived in North America, Europe and the Middle East. Her rich cultural background, her commitment to excellence, along with her expertise in Protocol and Soft Diplomacy, equipped lrma to provide valuable advice to her clients while putting them at ease. Irma trains leaders, corporate teams, diplomats, individuals, families and professionals, both regionally and internationally with assurance and professionalism.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Definitive Selfie Etiquette Guide

The Approved Selfie...There is someone behind you. Is he aware he is in the photo? This is what is known to many, as a “Relfie”... a “Relationship-Selfie.” 

Selfies can be fun to take and share, however, as with anything involving a camera or photos, etiquette needs to be followed. The etiquette guidelines below will help you stay well-mannered and safe... 

Hey you! Yes, you in the back left side of the ride... You are at Disneyland! Remember? Pass the phone to the friend next to you if you need a photo of yourself, while on the ride.  Don't forget to ask with the word "please" and to be extra polite, offer to then return the favor if the person wants a photo too! 

The “Wait...What?” Selfie: Are you so busy taking selfies, that you even know what is actually going on around you? Are you still able to enjoy yourself? Or did you kill the moment trying to "save the moment" in a cell phone photo? Think about it for a minute. Allow yourself some time to enjoy what you are doing. 

Get approval before posting selfies with babies, or others, to social media sites.

The Approved Selfie: Ask for permission before you post a selfie with someone else's baby, child, etc... They may not want the photographer online and it is their right to decline permission. Super famous, B, C or D-list celebrity, it doesn't matter. Always ask permission before you take that selfie. 

Tori Spelling kindly obliged our favorite “selfie” model, out in front of the Staples Center in Los Angeles.

The Celebrity Selfie: A celebrity in a recent interview mentioned that people do not politely approach her anymore. They just walk up with their cell phones in hand, stand close to her, and take a photo. Super famous or "D-list" celebrity, ask permission before you take that selfie. They may not want to be photographed and it is their right to decline. 

The Safe Selfie: Is that selfie worth endangering yourself for? Are you trying to get a selfie on top of a train perhaps? A moving train? Or is that “selfie-stick” not far enough back for you as you unwittingly creep closer to the edge of that cliff? Never put your life at risk for that “really cool” selfie. There have been numerous accounts online recently of people taking selfies in dangerous places that turned even more dangerous. 

The Kind Selfie and The Controversial Selfie: Do not take photos with others conspicuously in the background, simply to poke fun at another person or shame them. I recall a young woman posting a photo on a group social media page she had taken with a man who was sound asleep with his mouth open on the subway. She posted a caption making fun of him snoring. I asked her why she thought it was funny to humiliate this man and to post a photo with her near him without his permission. She got defensive but took the photo down. 

This also applies to photo bombing someone else's selfie. It is bad manners to photo bomb, unless you know the person very well, and know they wouldn't mind. Sometime later, I witnessed teens using their cell phones to take selfies with others nearby and all the people had partially exposed rear ends. This was without their knowledge and the teens were immediately uploading them on line. It is one thing to post humorous photos of yourself, quite another to post them with someone else and without their consent. 

What is a groufie? What is a relfie? A groufie is a group selfie, while a relfie is a relationship selfie, commonly of a couple.

Can a selfie cause an international incident? Yes, it can." CNET.com, Tech Culture

The Miss Universe Controversy Groufie 

Clearly, we've all learned many lessons from Miss Universe over the years. How to answer inane questions with short elegant words, for example. 

However, this time Miss Israel's alleged photobombing of a selfie including Miss Lebanon – taken in Miami – has caused uproar. 

As NBC News reports, media in Lebanon weren't happy with this image. The two countries are still at war. And this was, well, Miss Universe, an event that is the barometer for all things political. 

For her part, Miss Lebanon – Saly Greige, who has a civil engineering degree – was forced to turn to Facebook to disavow the image. 

She wrote: 'Since the first day of my arrival to participate in Miss Universe, I was very cautious to avoid being in any photo or communication with Miss Israel (that tried several times to have a photo with me) ... I was having a photo with Miss Japan, Miss Slovenia and myself; Suddenly Miss Israel jumped in, took a selfie, and put it on her social media.' 

Miss Israel – Doron Matalon – countered by turning to Instagram. She wrote of Greige's reaction: 'It doesn't surprise me, but it still makes me sad. Too bad you cannot put the hostility out of the game, only for three weeks of an experience of a lifetime that we can meet girls from around the world and also from the neighboring country."' from CNET.com 

 

The sweet selfie. No one is offended and your etiquette is just fine. 

The Respectful Selfie: If you witness an accident, unless you are taking photos for evidence's sake, do not take selfies in the name of seeing something fascinating to post later. The same goes for funerals, in hospitals and any other sensitive environment. Unless it serves a specific purpose that is helpful refrain from taking selfies.

The Risqué Selfie: I have seen more than my share of people posting inappropriate selfies. As an individual, you are free to do certain things, but once you post it on the internet, it will remain there forever because people will copy, save, repost, create meme's, etc... The riot... I was there drinking beer, bro! 

The Self Destructive Selfie: Keep in mind that employers routinely look into people's social media activity prior to hiring and are terminating employees for things they post that they feel may cast a negative light on the company. A flight attendant was fired a few years ago for taking selfies on an empty plane. 

Kim Kardashian is Selfie-Obsessed: Are you selfie-obsessed? According to psychiatrist Dr David Veal: “Two out of three of all the patients who come to see me with Body Dysmorphic Disorder since the rise of camera phones have a compulsion to repeatedly take and post selfies on social media sites. Cognitive behavioral therapy is used to help a patient to recognize the reasons for his or her compulsive behavior and then to learn how to moderate it,” he told the Sunday Mirror. 

The Over-Saturation Selfie: There is the saying “a little goes a long way” and it definitely applies to Kim Kardashian. While you are free to document every aspect of your life, do not think people are waiting by their computers for every update. If you like to share, pick a photo or two that tastefully summarizes the day, post them and move on. Taking selfies can be a fun activity but let us use caution that taking selfies does not cause us to act selfish.

Compiled by the late-Demita Usher, Contributor to Etiquipedia

📱Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Finishing Schools

Traditional finishing schools in Switzerland may be a thing of the past, but one is holding out successfully - and has a controversial plan to expand its recruitment.

The Swiss Finishing School That Refuses to be Finished

In an elegant villa high above Lake Geneva, a dozen or so young women are painstakingly learning to eat an orange - with a knife and fork. The trick is to section the orange carefully, removing the peel so that it ends up looking like a flower, leaving behind a perfect orange ready for eating. There should be no sound from the cutlery or the plates. And all the while, says teacher Rosemary McCallum, "you should continue making polite conversation with your neighbour".

These are the eager students at what school principal Viviane Neri describes as "Switzerland's, and possibly Europe's, last finishing school". The formidable Madame Neri inherited the Institute Villa Pierrefeu from her mother, and over the decades has seen her school continue to thrive, while nearly all the other traditional finishing schools - once so common in Switzerland - gradually closed. "We were never the kind of school where girls practised walking downstairs with books on their heads," explains Mme Neri. "They don't just go skiing all winter and learn a bit of typing here." Instead, Mme Neri's curriculum is primarily "international protocol and etiquette". "We teach mainly etiquette, what we call hostessing - which is really the French 'art de recevoir': how to be a good hostess, table service, table decoration, floral art, home management, cooking and so on."

The women at the Villa Pierrefeu range in age from 18 to over 50, and come from many different countries, including India, the United States, Saudi Arabia, China, and Lebanon. Sonom from India describes herself as a businesswoman and adds: "I'm going to be very successful". She believes the lessons from the Villa Pierrefeu will help her achieve that success. Najate is a 30-year-old university lecturer from Lebanon. She wants to expand her existing courses in business studies to include elements of protocol and etiquette, and is hoping the Villa Pierrefeu curriculum will give her some tips. And Carol, from the United States, wants to support her husband, who has a successful business career which involves a great deal of entertaining.

Their day begins with a lecture from Mme Neri on protocol. It soon becomes clear that, for some people, seating your guests at dinner can be a worryingly complicated affair. Where should you put the second son of a duke, for example? Is he more important than a daughter? Which country's ambassador takes precedence? (And the answer to that is not, in fact, the ambassador with which your country enjoys the best relations, but the ambassador who has been longest in the post.)

Later, the girls head for a "tricky foods" lesson with etiquette teacher Rosemary McCallum. Here, again, what seems obvious is often not so. "You eat hard cheese with a knife and fork," explains Ms Mc Callum. "You must never put a piece of hard cheese on a slice of bread and make a sandwich out of it. Soft cheese you can spread, but just break off a small piece of bread - oh, and mozzarella's a soft cheese, but that you eat with a knife and fork. "It's really not all that complicated."

'Polite Conversation'

And once they have mastered the cheese etiquette, along with other skills such as flower arranging, and dressing for a formal dinner, the girls put it all into practice at a mock dinner in which half take the roles of men, and half of women. Each has a profile, and those playing the women, in particular, are expected to make conversation.

"Steer clear of the taboo subjects," reminds Ms McCallum. And what are they? "Religion, politics, sex - and money is usually a difficult one, too." Those who imagine that such a list of forbidden topics might lead to a tedious conversation would be right. The girls themselves clearly believe they are learning something useful. "We've been taught how to dress appropriately," says Jessica, from London. "And how to eat correctly, how to have polite conversation. It's a good experience, to know how to behave better." So was her behaviour bad before? "No, but you can just hold yourself better, and if you're at a dinner party you know what you should and shouldn't be saying."

$20,000 Bargain

Some might argue that these are not things most people need to pay good money for. But of course, these girls are not most people: they come from the world's wealthiest families, and it is clear many of them believe the institute's fee of $20,000 (£12,860) to spend six weeks in one of the most beautiful regions of Switzerland, and acquire a little social polish at the same time, is a bargain.

Meanwhile, Mme Neri, staying true to her goal of keeping her school open and thriving while those around her close their doors, has grand plans for the future. In the 21st Century, she reveals, good manners need not be a uniquely feminine skill. "I think soon, we'll probably open up to men also," she announces. "The men used to learn these things in officer school, and we have been asked by many men why we don't give courses for them also, so I think yes, we will probably do that in the near future." So, perhaps as soon as next year, Switzerland's last traditional finishing school will take the radical step of becoming co-educational. Meanwhile, the girls are still struggling with those oranges. "It's hard work," says Sonom. "But you get used to it." – 2012, Imogen Foulkes, Geneva for BBC News 

Originally published in The Local, by Catherine McLean and portions of an article for BBC News by By Imogen Foulkes, Geneva

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette in Switzerland

Don’t ask for chocolate fondue in Switzerland. It is not a traditional Swiss dish.

From punctuality and personal space to food and kids, a look at some of the fondues and don'ts of living in Switzerland.

Switzerland is a tiny country of some 7.7 million people surrounded by four far-larger neighbours: France, Germany, Italy and Austria. Yet despite its small size, it seems everyone has an opinion about what life is like in Switzerland. For some the mountainous country is a beautiful, pristine paradise. For others it’s uptight, conservative and downright boring.

Switzerland is most famous for its mountains, cheese, chocolate, cows, and watches. Of course these things are part of everyday life: check out the mouth-watering display of chocolate bars at any grocery store. But the Swiss and their country are far more complex.

The biggest challenge is pinning down who exactly typifies the average Swiss: there are four different cultures and languages. Some 64 per cent of Swiss speak German. (They actually use Swiss German dialects when chatting and High German for writing). About 20 per cent speak French, seven per cent speak Italian, and less than one per cent speak Romansh.

Only by living here does one learn the customs and etiquette that make the country so much more than its stereotypical image. The Swiss, for example, pursue a policy of neutrality but also have a large army to defend the country. It’s not unusual to phone up a business acquaintance and find they have left for military service for a few weeks.

And while the Swiss love their rules and order, you still find places where chaos reigns. Try figuring out when to cross the road at the crosswalks known here as “zebra stripes”, as the cars ignore the pedestrians and fly by.

In the spirit of trying to get to know the Swiss better, here’s a cultural guide focused on the German-speaking part of the country.

The orderly Swiss do not believe in lining up?

Greetings

This is an area you should try to get right or things could get uncomfortable. The Swiss, while not the most outgoing individuals on the planet, still like their formal

If you’re meeting someone for the first time, stretch out your hand and say grüezi (hello). If you meet a friend, then you kiss them three times: offering first your right cheek, then left, then right again. The latter exchange is for women greeting women and men greeting women. The boys stick with a handshake or maybe a man hug. Remember to not actually plant a big smacker on someone’s cheeks: think air kiss instead.

When you go into a store say grüezi to the sales people, and when you leave say adieu (goodbye). People may also greet strangers with a grüezi when passing in the street, and always on hiking trails. Bitte (please) and merci or danke (thank you) are also appreciated here.

Personal Space

This may be the hardest thing for North Americans and Brits to accept: the orderly Swiss do not believe in lining up. Whether it’s the cheese counter at the supermarket, the bus stop, or the ski lift, it’s every man for himself. Do not expect that the Swiss will honour or even acknowledge a line up. Instead be prepared to speak up and tell others that it’s your time to buy bread, and don’t be shy about using a little elbow to get ahead when there are hordes of people.

The Swiss also aren’t fussed about bumping into each other. Maybe it’s because there are so many people packed into a small country. If you find yourself bumped, don’t make a dirty face but instead say scho guet (that’s okay) to the bumper and move on. If you do the bumping, say sorry or äxgüsi (excuse me).

The Swiss tend to take a more arms-length approach when it comes to their personal lives. They tend to be quiet and discreet when they first meet you so don’t tell them your whole life story or ask probing questions about their family or job. It will probably require a lot of work and time before you are upgraded from an acquaintance to a friend.

“It is best to approach new people carefully and not be too forward,” according to a Canton of Zurich website, aimed at promoting integration.

This can be frustrating for foreigners who are used to making instant friends, but it’s no reason to quit and only hang out with expats. “We take friendships quite seriously once they are established,” the Canton of Zurich website says.

Keep Swiss reticence in mind if you need help, whether it’s finding an address or getting help lifting your stroller onto the train. The Swiss are usually very happy to assist someone, but often wait until they are asked before springing into action.

Rules for Everyday Life

The Swiss live up to their reputation when it comes to the area of punctuality. Here being late is not a way of life: it’s just rude. Going to a business meeting? Show up early so you look organized, competent and respectful.

The same goes with play-dates in the sandbox: meeting up with your friend and her child an hour after the agreed time likely won’t go down well.

Be punctual! If the trains and buses can run on time, why can’t you?

People are also expected to show up on time for social outings, whether it’s dinner at someone’s house, drinks at a bar, or a party. The Swiss aren’t asking a lot: if the trains and buses can run on time, why can’t you?

When meeting friends for a drink, there are strict rules when it comes to how the toasting unfolds. Wait until everyone has their beverage, look your toasting partner in the eye, clink your glasses, and say zum Wohl or prost (cheers). Repeat the same ritual with everyone in the group. Then let the drinking begin.

You don’t get this squeaky clean and organized without rules, and the Swiss have many to ensure life keeps running smoothly. For example, you can’t just throw your trash into any old bag: instead you must pay for special garbage bags. There are also strict rules for recycling: paper must be bound with a string and put out in a special collection spot on the anointed day. Glass and aluminum are taken to a recycling depot, though it’s forbidden to do so during the evenings and on weekends. Plastic bottles are returned to the store, along with coffee capsules.

Another area abiding by the rules is crucial is the laundry room, according to the Zurich website. Many Swiss live in apartments, sharing their washers and dryers. Each unit is typically given a certain day when they may use the laundry facilities. Straying from the plan can get you into hot water.

“You should stick to the day and leave everything clean when you leave, otherwise you have to face the wrath of irritable neighbours,” the website advises.

Singing in a circle at a forest kindergarten

Children

The Swiss take a decidedly hands-off approach when it comes to raising kids. No helicopter dads and moms here. Instead, toddlers are encouraged to zoom around on balance bikes (without pedals), go to playgroups in the forest, and climb to their hearts' content in the playground. School-age kids are encouraged to walk or bike to school by themselves, and play outside with friends on their own.

Switzerland has a unique education system. Children typically enter kindergarten at the age of 4 or 5. After grade 6 or 9, they can try an exam to enter Gymnasium, the school that allows them to go on to university.

Many Swiss children, however, go through a stream that incorporates education with vocational training. Don’t be alarmed if you have an extremely young nurse, mechanic or childcare worker: they have been training for years.

Fondue
If there’s one dish the Swiss are most famous for, it’s cheese fondue. They have their own rituals for this rich and indulgent dish that must be observed.

When at a restaurant or visiting Swiss friends, you will be offered the following drinks to accompany fondue: wine, schnapps or tea. Beer is definitely frowned upon as a friend of mine learned when his waitress refused to serve him a lager with his fondue. The Swiss aren’t being difficult: they just believe that some drinks help you digest the melted cheese better.

When eating fondue, diners are not supposed to take a dainty little swirl with their fork to avoid germs (as recommended by a US website). Instead, start stirring vigorously as soon as the fondue pot is put on the heater to prevent the cheese from burning.

The Swiss tend to be pretty traditional with their fondue, sticking with domestic favourites like Emmentaler, Gruyère and Vacherin rather than mixing things up with foreign varieties like cheddar. And don’t throw the fondue pot into the sink as soon as all the melted cheese is consumed: the Swiss like to eat the crust that forms at the bottom, which they call the religieuse.

The last tip for fondue etiquette: don’t ask for chocolate fondue here. This is not a traditional Swiss dish, but a modern invention from New York (albeit reportedly from a Swiss restaurant).

Traditional finishing schools in Switzerland may be a thing of the past, but one is holding out successfully - and has a controversial plan to expand its recruitment.

The Swiss Finishing School That Refuses to be Finished

In an elegant villa high above Lake Geneva, a dozen or so young women are painstakingly learning to eat an orange - with a knife and fork. The trick is to section the orange carefully, removing the peel so that it ends up looking like a flower, leaving behind a perfect orange ready for eating. There should be no sound from the cutlery or the plates. And all the while, says teacher Rosemary McCallum, "you should continue making polite conversation with your neighbour".

These are the eager students at what school principal Viviane Neri describes as "Switzerland's, and possibly Europe's, last finishing school". The formidable Madame Neri inherited the Institute Villa Pierrefeu from her mother, and over the decades has seen her school continue to thrive, while nearly all the other traditional finishing schools - once so common in Switzerland - gradually closed. "We were never the kind of school where girls practised walking downstairs with books on their heads," explains Mme Neri. "They don't just go skiing all winter and learn a bit of typing here." Instead, Mme Neri's curriculum is primarily "international protocol and etiquette". "We teach mainly etiquette, what we call hostessing - which is really the French 'art de recevoir': how to be a good hostess, table service, table decoration, floral art, home management, cooking and so on."

The women at the Villa Pierrefeu range in age from 18 to over 50, and come from many different countries, including India, the United States, Saudi Arabia, China, and Lebanon. Sonom from India describes herself as a businesswoman and adds: "I'm going to be very successful". She believes the lessons from the Villa Pierrefeu will help her achieve that success. Najate is a 30-year-old university lecturer from Lebanon. She wants to expand her existing courses in business studies to include elements of protocol and etiquette, and is hoping the Villa Pierrefeu curriculum will give her some tips. And Carol, from the United States, wants to support her husband, who has a successful business career which involves a great deal of entertaining.

Their day begins with a lecture from Mme Neri on protocol. It soon becomes clear that, for some people, seating your guests at dinner can be a worryingly complicated affair. Where should you put the second son of a duke, for example? Is he more important than a daughter? Which country's ambassador takes precedence? (And the answer to that is not, in fact, the ambassador with which your country enjoys the best relations, but the ambassador who has been longest in the post.)

Later, the girls head for a "tricky foods" lesson with etiquette teacher Rosemary McCallum. Here, again, what seems obvious is often not so. "You eat hard cheese with a knife and fork," explains Ms Mc Callum. "You must never put a piece of hard cheese on a slice of bread and make a sandwich out of it. Soft cheese you can spread, but just break off a small piece of bread - oh, and mozzarella's a soft cheese, but that you eat with a knife and fork. "It's really not all that complicated."

'Polite conversation'

And once they have mastered the cheese etiquette, along with other skills such as flower arranging, and dressing for a formal dinner, the girls put it all into practice at a mock dinner in which half take the roles of men, and half of women. Each has a profile, and those playing the women, in particular, are expected to make conversation.

The institute caters for some of the world's wealthiest families

"Steer clear of the taboo subjects," reminds Ms McCallum. And what are they? "Religion, politics, sex - and money is usually a difficult one, too." Those who imagine that such a list of forbidden topics might lead to a tedious conversation would be right. The girls themselves clearly believe they are learning something useful. "We've been taught how to dress appropriately," says Jessica, from London. "And how to eat correctly, how to have polite conversation. It's a good experience, to know how to behave better." So was her behaviour bad before? "No, but you can just hold yourself better, and if you're at a dinner party you know what you should and shouldn't be saying."

$20,000 bargain

Some might argue that these are not things most people need to pay good money for. But of course, these girls are not most people: they come from the world's wealthiest families, and it is clear many of them believe the institute's fee of $20,000 (£12,860) to spend six weeks in one of the most beautiful regions of Switzerland, and acquire a little social polish at the same time, is a bargain.

Etiquette and table manners are important “soft skills”

"Etiquette and table manners, these are the soft skills that are important," insists Sonom. "Everyone has a degree these days but to have that extra knowledge is helpful, I think." 

Meanwhile, Mme Neri, staying true to her goal of keeping her school open and thriving while those around her close their doors, has grand plans for the future. In the 21st Century, she reveals, good manners need not be a uniquely feminine skill. “I think soon, we'll probably open up to men also,” she announces. “The men used to learn these things in officer school, and we have been asked by many men why we don't give courses for them also, so I think yes, we will probably do that in the near future.” So, perhaps as soon as next year, Switzerland's last traditional finishing school will take the radical step of becoming co-educational. Meanwhile, the girls are still struggling with those oranges. “It's hard work,” says Sonom. “But you get used to it.”—

 2012, Imogen Foulkes, Geneva for BBC News

Originally published in The Local, by Catherine McLean and portions of an article for BBC News by By Imogen Foulkes, Geneva

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia