Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Rigid Royal Spanish Etiquette


Victoria Eugenie of Battenberg was Queen of Spain as the wife of King Alfonso XIII

A Nurse for the Baby Prince

Many say the etiquette of the Royal Spanish Court rivaled that of the French Court of Versailles. They may be correct, but then again they may have been on par for Royal Courts of the day. The January 19th report from a London newspaper tells us, “The Madrid correspondent of the Standard says that Spain's Queen Victoria wants to nurse her coming baby herself, but will not be allowed to do so, because it is contrary to Spanish etiquette. An English nurse has been engaged.” – 1907



Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Etiquette is Much More Than Rules

"Protocol is not there to dictate to you. It is there to help you." Barbara Bush 
Seeing Etiquette Through a Different Lens ... It’s Not Always About Which Fork to Use!

 by Hilary Robinson

There are occasions, when telling people that I provide training on the subject of Etiquette and Protocol, that they look at me like I have an extra head. Every now and then I can even see their internal dialogue written on their face: ‘that’s so old-fashioned’, ‘she’s clearly living in the past’, ‘oh no, she’s going to critique everything I say and do’. This last one is the most common; at a recent event the host of my table looked up as I approached and exclaimed, more-or-less in jest, ‘great, I’ve got the etiquette expert!’ (I don’t by the way, unless asked.)

I put these responses down to the fact that many people equate etiquette with ‘rules’ – rules that govern our every move, and get us into trouble if we don’t follow them.

Yes, there are rules when it comes to etiquette and protocol but though they can seem frivolous, they are actually very helpful. Many stem from common sense and are in place to help us navigate business and social settings; some are driven by interacting with other cultures; others, leftovers of bygone eras, fading into the past.

However, I believe, firmly, that etiquette is so much more than simply a set of rules. You can take your pick of words and phrases: etiquette, courtesy, civility, polite behaviour, consideration for others – but when it comes down to it, all of these ensure that we carry out our daily interactions – be they business meetings, hosting an event, or passing someone on the street – in a thoughtful, kind manner, which, in turn, shows others that we value their time and attention.

I don’t view the ‘rules’ as being stiff, old-fashioned directives. I see them, instead, as the tools we use to give us the confidence and freedom to interact with others under any, and all, circumstances. Sometimes it is about which fork to use – and if you know which fork to use you can ignore your place setting and pay attention to your guests.

And, the great thing about knowing the rules is knowing how, when and where you can break them.

Meet our newest contributor, Hilary Robinson, the Senior Trainer and Owner of Polished Professionals in Toronto, Canada. With her background, spent running events for Prime Ministers, CEOs and academics (in the UK and Canada), one might think that she’s all about following the rules. However, she prefers to train people to understand their parameters, what it means to follow them, what advantages there are in knowing how and when to bend them, and the value in using good manners to put others at ease. With 20 years working worldwide in events and communications, Hilary believes manners and courtesy are not only powerful communication tools but the foundations on which self-confidence and success grow. It's understanding that not all social or business situations are created equal, and knowing how to deal with those differences, that gives us our ability to be our best and to succeed. (Oh, and she’s completely passionate (and nerdy) about all this… if you have any questions feel free to ask!)


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, August 27, 2016

French Court Etiquette Intervened

Henriette as Minerva holding a painting of her husband, Philippe de France

Incidents in the Lives of World-Famous Women —
How the Princess Henriette of England Just Missed Being Queen of France

Among the fair women who made the Court of Louis XIV famous for brilliancy and beauty, there were none lovelier than Henriette, Duchess d’Orleane. She was the daughter of Charles I of England and Henrietta Maria, and the wife of Philllppe, “the little Monsieur,” the King’s brother. 


When misfortune descended upon the royal House of Stuart the Princess Henriette was smuggled into France disguised as a vagabond in a ragged suit of boy’s clothes. She was restored to her mother, and although the exiled Queen was supremely happy to have her little daughter safe under her care, she was often driven to despair by tbeir extreme poverty. The little girl was many times forced to spend the day in bed because there was no fuel to burn. 

Anne of Austria, the Queen-Mother, supplied the English exiles with clothes and money, and, later on, invited them to the French Court. As the little Henriette approached young woman-hood she gave promise of becoming very beautiful. She is described in the following words by a contemporary: "Her air is as noble as her birth. Her hair is of a bright chestnut hue, and her complexion rivals that of the gayest flowers. The snowy whiteness of her skin betrays the lines from which she sprang. Her eyes are blue and brilliant, her lips ruddy, her throat beautiful, her arms and hands well made- Her charms show that she was born on a throne and is destined to return there.” 

She made her first public appearance at a ball given by Anne of Austria at the Louvre. When the gentlemen chose their partners for the opening dance the handsome young Louis of France offered his hand to the Princess of Mercoeur. The Queen-Mother sternly rebuked him for this breach of etiquette, saying: “You must dance first with the Princess Henriette of England.’’ Queen Henrietta Maria saw that the King was not pleased with this interference, and sought to mend matters by answering: "My daughter has hurt her foot and therefore cannot dance.” 

But Anne of Austria was determined that her son should obey the laws of Court etiquette and insisted. “Then Henriette and Louis shall sit out the dance together.” From that moment Louis formed a dislike for his cousin, blasting the fond hopes of the two Queens that he would ask Henriette to share his throne. Later that evening one of the Courtiers remarked upon the charms of the young English Princess. “I do not like little girls. She is much too thin,” was Louis’ reply. 

Though Louis was blind to the beauty of Henriette, his brother. Monsieur, was not. The young dandy determined that he would like to marry and have a Court of his own. The Duke made known his desire to the King, who laughed heartily and said; “You shall wed the Princess of England, for no one else wants her.”

Philippe was well pleased at this promise, and hastened to plead his cause with Henrietta Maria. He fell genuinely in love with his lovely cousin, and having gained the consent of her brother, Charles II, the wedding was celebrated at the Palais Royal without further delay. The young Duchess immediately became the central figure of gay Court life. She captivated all who approached her. “Never was there a Princess so fascinating,” the Abbe de Colsy has written. “Her whole person seemed full of charm. You feel interested in her, you love her without being able to help yourself.” 

Even King Louis fell beneath the spell of her beauty and charm. His sister-in-law became one of his dearest friends. He regretted the days when he had failed to recognize her charms and was all the more attentive because of his previous neglect. Had Louis' anger at having to sit out a dance with the Princess of England not blinded him to the beauty and charm of Henriette she might have been his Queen instead of Marie Therese. — By Eloise Farrington for the Los Angeles Herald, 1917


Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia


1905 Etiquette Decisions in Prussia

The Prussian government authorized the rigid prohibition of  the wearing of corsets during daily gymnastic exercises.




Prussian Etiquette Rulings

Government Rules That Station Master Should Salute Women Subordinates First

Associated Press, BERLIN, Oct. 21.— Among the odd decisions published today is that of the Prussian railway administration on a point of etiquette advanced by a station master on the Lower Rhine, who asked for a ruling as to whether the young women subordinates in his office should not recognize him first on the street instead of waiting to be saluted according to the prevailing customs. The government directed the station master to salute first. 

On another note, the principal of the girls' high school at Saarbruecken inquired of the provincial government, if she was authorized to forbid the young women to wear corsets during gymnastic exercises. The government authorized their rigid prohibition.–1905


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Delineator's "Lessons in Etiquette"

It could be called tact... If you know a fat girl with a slim sister, always mistake the fat one for the slim one, and vice versa. 
  • When a lady gives you her seat in a street car, thank her, but in such a manner that she will not be emboldened to open a conversation with you. 
  • Going down the aisle of a theater allow the lady to precede you, unless you are attending the play alone. In that case you go first. 
  • When some one calls you by phone and says: "Do you know who is talking?" and you answer that you do not, and the person continues to ask if you don't or can't guess, utter a joyous peal of laughter and say you know it is the sanitarium. Then hang up the receiver. 
  • If you are walking along the street, carrying packages in both hands, and meet a lady who speaks to you, hold the packages in your teeth while you lift your hat to her. 
  • If you know a fat girl with a slim sister, always mistake the fat one for the slim one, and vice versa. 
  • When waltzing with a lady who steps upon your toes, it is nice, if you have a wooden leg, to keep the foot of that leg where she will step upon it oftenest. You can do this unobtrusively with a little practice. — The Delineator, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Business Etiquette Advice

Attitude is important. Impress the boss with the quality of your work rather than your personality. Be ambitious but don't push yourself on others.

Making Contacts 

Determine the type of job you want. Talk to your friends. What do they do? Discuss it with your instructors. Do research reading. What kind of a firm do you want to work in? Don't rely on your friends to get you a job. Use business associates for contacts. Use agencies. If you must make a "cold" contact, plan your approach. 

Attitude Is Important 

Don't be a clock-watcher. Try to do more than is asked of you. Make an effort to familiarize yourself with terms needed in office use. Admit mistakes. Think of your job as a stepping-stone to a better job. A job is what you make it. Sit and stagnate or develop it and in so doing advance yourself. You do yourself a favor by making yourself a better-than-average employee. Impress the boss with the quality of your work rather than your personality. Be ambitious but don't push yourself on others.

You and the Business World 

Appearance gives color to an office. Cleanliness and neatness are more important than expensive clothes. Extreme lines and bright colors are distracting in an office. Wear simple, well-pressed clothes —no bobby socks or excessive jewelry. Give special attention to hair and hands. 

Habits 

Be on time. Gum chewing and nibbling are not allowed. Don't slouch. Avoid mannerisms—hair twisting, and leg winding. Use the office phone in emergency only. Smile, be pleasant. Don't complain. Listen, do not talk too much. 

Policy 

Keep private life to yourself. Avoid office politics and religious discussions. Keep business life and recreation separate. Don't be interested in other people's work at the office. – The Corsair, Volume 17, 1945


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Etiquette, Golf and Kissing

Since the early days of the genteel game of golf, kissing was not permitted on the golf course. Public displays of affection were frowned upon, even in 1967,  
English Oldsters Ban Kissing

YORK, England (UPl)—Senior golf club members watched aghast from the clubhouse. They said what happened on the first tee “broke the club’s rules of etiquette.” So twenty young golfers, who had been given a reduced rate to play at the club, were banned because two sweethearts kissed on the first tee. – The Dessert Sun, 1967 



Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Moderator and Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Etiquette and “Good Form”

Among the notable guests at the Constitutional Centennial banquet in the Philadelphia Academy of Music, in September were the Chinese envoys who accompanied Count Mitkiewicz to this country...

What is Good Form? Differing Customs In Different Countries—Etiquette Among Various Peoples

That etiquette is sometimes arbitrary and not covered by the definition of common sense set to rule, is shown by the widely varying customs in different parts of the world. An American going up or down stairs in a public hotel  does not feel it incumbent on him to remove his hat if a lady should see him on the stairs. In Europe it would be considered very rude if a man did not uncover under such circumstance. An American, entering a parlor, expects the lady of the house to rise and greet him. 

In Spain, a lady would seem to forfeit her self-respect should she exhibit so much forwardness. No one ever saw a man and a woman arm in arm in the streets of a Spanish city without knowing they were foreigners. A Spanish husband never takes his wife's arm in public. Nor would a Spanish woman receive a male visitor alone. Such is the system of protection exercised over women by Hidalgo, grandee, tradesman and peasant in the sunny land of romance. 

Among the notable guests at the Constitutional Centennial banquet in the Philadelphia Academy of Music, in September were the Chinese envoys who accompanied Count Mitkiewicz to this country in connection with the concessions to a Philadelphia syndicate. During the evening a note was handed to the chief envoy, a grave looking. elderly man. He was troubled for a moment, and then made an elaborate apology in French for the rudeness of which he was compelled to be guilty, namely, the wearing of his spectacles in company long enough to read the note. It is a gross breach of etiquette for a Chinaman to wear eyeglasses or spectacles in company, and it is equally impolite to enter a room with the hat off. A gentleman of the Celestial Kingdom always remains covered to show his respect.

 Another piece of Chinese etiquette noticeable at the banquet was that, although the evening was fine, the envoys wore rubber overshoes until they readied the Academy cloakroom, and removed them prior to entering the amphitheater. Chinese etiquette forbids a man to enter a room with soiled shoes, and consequently, overshoes are worn until arriving at the house. 

An American would never think of removing his hat prior to speaking to any man on the street. In Holland, before speaking in the most humble individual out of doors a male uncovers. In Holland, too, men and women rarely purchase at the same stores, but in case where they do, if a woman discovers that men are assembled inside, she retires until they leave. A live American store-keeper would probably soon change this feature of Dutch etiquette. 

The Americans, English, Germans and Russians shake hands with a man bidding him welcome. An Arab’s greeting is to rub his cheek against that of the person he salutes and kisses him. A Frenchman welcomes a friend by embracing and kissing him, though by slow degrees this custom is being superseded. The Japanese customs are similar to those of China. It is not an unusual sight to see a number of Japanese remove their sandals, cross their hands and cry “Spare me!” when a great man passes, but the custom is rapidly going out of vogue since the leaven of enlightenment has been spreading through the land. 

A peculiar mark of esteem in Burma is to ask permission to smell a person's face, and then declare the perfume to be as sweet as some choice flower. The custom is confined to Burma and is not likely to spread. In America, politeness goes, as it should, before all else. One rule can be laid down for general observance where a person’s ideas of the proper thing to do are unsettled: let him make himself at home. He should do so in a manner to create some respect for home, unlike a young man who called at the office of a noted Philadelphian, somewhat famous for his straightforward utterances. “Make yourself at home for a few minutes,” said the owner of the office to his visitor. The young man, having seated himself somewhat comfortably, but mistaking a table for a footstool, responded cheerfully; “I always make himself at home." “Then I pity the people at home,” was the quick response.   –The Coronado Mercury, 1890



🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia