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 Of all the hard and fast etiquette rules, placing elbows on the table is one of the most familiar ones. From an early age, children become familiar with the constant reminder, “Elbows off the table, please!” There was even an often-sung jump rope rhyme on the subject: “Mable, Mabel, Strong and able, Get your elbows off the table, We’ve told you once, We’ve told you twice, We’ll never tell you more than trice.” In our current age of informality, we tend to be more relaxed. And yet, the general rule still applies: elbows do not belong on the table. The Practical Reasons for the Rule Not having elbows on the table has practical and polite application. Consideration of others at the table is, of course, first and foremost. Recently, I attended a lovely dinner gathering. The table was full of delicious food to be served home style with passing of dishes, but there were many guests seated very close-in to accommodate as many as possible. The person seated next to me sat with his elbows on the table – even during eating. This caused a space challenge for the two of us seated on either side of him as we worked to best accommodate for room. Health-wise, elbows resting on the table means that you are leaning in and, by default, your ribs are pushed inwards. Where is your stomach? Between the spine and ribs. This hunched-over posture could very well interrupt proper digestion. A pretty good reason not to eat or “rest” with your elbows on the table. A Little History In days of old in Europe, it’s claimed that in the great halls where people dined at long tables, all were seated on one side of the table, and leaning on a table might cause it to tip over. Another story is that when opportunity afforded itself and people gathered close-in at long tables, there simply wasn’telbow room. Contrary to the above, there are tales of the custom of placing arms on the table while eating. One story is that in olden times people needed to guard their food, and elbows on the table made that easier. Also, it’s reported that sailors at sea used their elbows to steady their hands in order to steady plates when weather got rough. I suppose the bottom line is that practicality has a say in protocol. Are Elbows on the Table Ever Okay? Speaking of practicality, there are occasions when it may be acceptable to place your elbows on the table during a meal. If the place for eating is noisy, sometimes you might feel the need to lean in to participate in conversation. It may be that conversation is so intense that not leaning in (with elbows on the table) would indicate disinterest. Elbows might be placed on the table when there is no food there – before or after ordering in a restaurant or when between courses once the plate from the previous course is cleared. Sometimes, conversation continues at the table well after the meal is over. It would be uncomfortable to sit upright for any length of time, so for comfort’s sake, resting with arms on the table is quite fine. During a working lunch when pads, pens, and laptops are in use alongside food served. Not the healthiest way to enjoy a meal, but another example of practicality taking precedence.I always advise using mindful discretion before becoming too relaxed. Consider what it’s like “to be on the other side of me.” Does the dining environment call for formality? Would you cause a space challenge for anyone seated next to you? Do you happen to know that the host of the meal is a hard and fast rule follower? Also consider that your body language sometimes speaks louder than spoken language. Your body language at the table informs others of your openness to conversation, your comfort with yourself, and your consideration of others. "Oh, I would never put my elbows on the table." ~ Mary Berry, British Chef and Author |
Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/
Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
