A Biased Look at Presidential Manners

Lucy Webb Hayes was a popular hostess in Washington D.C. ; “Mrs. Hayes, on one of her tours with her husband, was asked if she did not get tired of seeing so many people and going so much, and she replied: ‘Oh, no; I never get tired of having a good time.’”—  Laura Carter Holloway

Mr. and Mrs. Hayes’ Manners

There are among Americans two types of good manners. They are not indeed confined to Americans, for Tennyson describes them well enough in his “Walking to the Mail:”

Kind nature is the best; those manners next 

Which fit us like a nature second hand; 

Which are indeed the manners of the great.

There is a certain refined and high bred polish, acquired by many Americans from foreign travel; and acquired more easily, I suspect, by them than any northern race. Such a manner, when combined with a kind heart, is a charming thing to see; it would be a good thing to have in the White House. But better still it is to have manners that are the gift of “kind nature;” that grow from the soil of a simple and genial spirit, cultivated by home and books and daily intelligent companionship, rather than by travel and conventional society. 

One whose manners are of this type may go any where and appear at ease anywhere; while the most graceful manners of the conventional type have certain limitations of their own, may sometimes be so placed as to be very ill at ease. Thus I noticed that, when the Emperor and Empress of Brazil were here, some persons of great social experience were quite perplexed to know how to treat them, they being such very plain and independent Imperial Majesties, traveling incognito in a Republic, whereas those who had never been presented at Court found no difficulty in treating them as they would any other pair of intelligent foreign visitors. 

No matter what may be the follies of our travelers, nothing has ever shaken my conviction that American manners of the best type are the best in the world, because they are the nearest to “kind nature,” it is such manners as these we ought to see, and I think do actually see, just now, in the occupants of the White House. It may be thought presumptuous in a man holding somewhat radical convictions to say it, yet I not only think that the foundation of nature’s manners is best laid in conscience, but that some form of the religious sentiment is almost essential for the truest polish and grace. 

One of the best descriptions known to man of thoroughly beautiful manners is to be found in Clarence King's story of “Cut-off Copple’s,” where he describes a lonely widow in the Sierra Nevada, keeping a wayside house of entertainment for rough miners, and remaining there among utterly alien scenes, that she might fulfill a pledge to her dying husband that his debts should be paid. ”O that unquenchable Christian fire,” says King after his brief sketch of her, “how pure the gold of its result! It needs no practical elegance, no social greatness for its success; only the warm human heart, and out of it shall come a sacred calm and gentleness, such as no power, no wealth, no culture, may ever hope to win. No words of mine would outline the beauty of that plain, weary, old woman, the sad sweet patience of those gray eyes, or the spirit of overflowing goodness which cheered and enlivened the half hour we spent there.”

 And I think that something of this grace of conscientiousness and unpretending religious feeling without narrowness in bigotry, may be found at the White House also. And something of this gratifying impression of sincere and noble qualities is left behind, I think, wherever our new President and wife are known. – Col. Higginson in the Woman's Journal, 1877

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Resort Sojourn Fashions

“Every watering place demands a different set of dresses. Richfield and Sharon demand cool, fresh ‘cottons,’ as our English friends call them. Saratoga demands everything, from the elaborate Valenciennes, Maltese or Breton, with India mull and ribbons, up to the magnificent gauze with satin and brocade. Newport demands thick silks and wraps, and carriage dresses, dinner dresses and evening ball dresses, morning dresses of every shade…” American or European Dress from 1888 – Public domain image from the Metropolitan Museum

Pity the Slaves to Fashion

Mrs. Sherwood, who is usually authority on clothes and manners, says in her latest letter, after speaking of the large outfits ladies must prepare for summer resort sojourns:

“Every watering place demands a different set of dresses. Richfield and Sharon demand cool, fresh ‘cottons,’ as our English friends call them. Saratoga demands everything, from the elaborate Valenciennes, Maltese or Breton, with India mull and ribbons, up to the magnificent gauze with satin and brocade. Newport demands thick silks and wraps, and carriage dresses, dinner dresses and evening ball dresses, morning dresses of every shade and of thickness, batiste, momie cloth, camel's hair, cashmere and barège, the tussore silks, the endless varieties of foulards (and could one see the ladies driving in the park of an afternoon they could see foulards of such an alarming and splashed pattern that they would fear that the well-dressed creatures had been under a shower of whitewash), all these are needed in the most variable of summer climates. 

“Mount Desert demands another set of garments. The percales, the cambrics, the woolens, the heavy ulster, the light cloak, the flannel, the yachting suits. Then come the bonnets. We must have one good one for church and several poor ones for every day; we must have a hat with yellow plumes and one crowned with poppies. These for the every-day, one for horse watering-places. But we must have an ‘edition deluxe’ for Newport, and two dozen of each for Saratoga. Then a good brown straw for traveling and a black bat for rainy days. And having got all these, how many boxes will it take to hold them?” –San Jose Herald, 1888

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and All That Jazz

TORRANCE, May 15.-All dances planned at Torrance high school have been called off indefinitely by Principal Herbert Wood because of an impending struggle between two factions in the community over the subject of the school dances. The anti-dance faction is led by the Rev. R. A. Young of the Methodist church, contending that the school is not the proper place for a dance and that the dances act as a stimulant rather than as a repression to jazz.— California, 1929

Jig Club Fights Jazz and its Accompanying Bad Manners

ROUEN, France, (UP) Feb. 2— A Norman Jig club has been organized here to combat jazz and ragtime dancing and “the bad manners which accompany them.”

Members must be 33 or over. The club will revive Norman folk dances and popularize old fashioned dance manners.—Madeira Tribune, 1931

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Disneyland and Disney Resort Etiquette

• Proper attire, including shoes and shirts, must be worn at all times. 
• Clothing that drags on the ground is prohibited in theme parks.
• Clothing with multiple layers is subject to search. 
• We reserve the right to deny admission to or remove any person wearing attire that we consider inappropriate or attire that could detract from the experience of other Guests. 
• Visible tattoos that could be considered inappropriate, such as those containing objectionable language or designs, are not permitted. 
• There are specific costume guidelines for special events such as Halloween parties; please refer to the additional policies applicable to those events.
• Costumes may not be worn in our theme parks by Guests ages 14 or older.
• Masks may not be worn by any Guests ages 14 or older (unless required for medical purposes). When worn by younger Guests, masks may not cover the entire face and must provide unobstructed peripheral vision at all times with openings that allow the eyes to be fully seen.
• Please show common courtesy to fellow Guests and our Cast Members by not using profanity or engaging in unsafe, illegal, disruptive or offensive behavior, jumping lines or saving places in lines for others. 
• For your safety and the safety of others, please refrain from running.
• Access to attractions depends on the safety rules for each attraction.
• Guests using the pools, spas, fitness centers or other Disney Resort hotel facilities must also adhere to the rules posted and applicable at those facilities.
• Quiet hours at the Hotels of the Disneyland Resort are from 11:00 PM to 7:00 AM.
• Guests must vacate their Disney Resort hotel rooms at the end of their stay, on the date and time set forth in their reservation confirmation. — From Disneyland.Disney Go.com

In 2016 Shanghai issued an etiquette guide for Disneyland visitors

As the opening date for the highly anticipated Shanghai Disneyland nears, fans of Mickey and the gang are being reminded to behave.

Shanghai's municipal government has issued an etiquette guide aimed at locals planning to visit the new park, due to open on June 16 in the city's Pudong district.

City officials announced they developed six rules after “uncivilized behaviors” were observed during the mega theme park's trial opening this month, according to China's official Xinhua news agency.

The new guide warns tourists against littering, being rowdy, vandalizing, cutting in line, damaging the landscape and other “uncouth behaviors" such as lying down on the ground.

Indeed, the park hasn't even opened and it's already experienced its fair share of drama — and we're not talking about the action on the Walt Disney Grand Theater stage.

First, scalpers jacked up ticket prices to obscene levels when tickets went on sale in late March.
Then, when the park's metro station opened in late April, curious visitors raced to the Disney grounds, reportedly causing damage to areas outside the park gates.

Thousands more crowded outside the gates when the park opened as part of a soft launch in early May for staffers, their relatives and a limited number of invited guests.

After selling out within hours for opening day, tickets for the first two weeks have since been fully booked.
Emergency crowd control drills will be held to address potential risks, according to a report in the China Daily.

One Twitter tweet read, “Over 20,000 people have stormed #ShanghaiDisneyland over the weekend. They are treating this park like trash.”

Shanghai Disney Resort, a joint venture between Disney and China's Shanghai Shendi Group, has been designed to appeal to Chinese visitors. Located next to the main Disneyland amusement park, Disneytown incorporates Shanghai's traditional Shikumen-style architecture.

The massive Shanghai project is the first Disney theme park to open in the last 10 years and dwarfs its Asian counterparts in Hong Kong and Tokyo.— Elaine Yu, CNN, 2016

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Streetcar Manners in France

The majority concluded that the temper of the age would not permit any such social revolution. The episode has excited considerable attention in Paris, where there is general mourning over the decadence of French manners.—1889 Steam Powered French Tram — Public Domain Image

The hog claims even the historically polite France for his own. At a discussion by the town council of Havre upon the regulations for city car lines one member, complained that in these days men sitting in a car never thought of giving their places to women, even though the latter might have to stand outside on the platforms in the rain. 

He moved the adoption of a bylaw empowering conductors to compel men seated in the interior to surrender their places to women outside. Several other councillors gallantly supported the motion, but the majority concluded that the temper of the age would not permit any such social revolution. The episode has excited considerable attention in Paris, where there is general mourning over the decadence of French manners. — Exchange, 1890

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Manners of Old France

First Gentleman of his realm... Louis XIV was also known as Louis the Great (Louis le Grand) or the Sun King (le Roi-Soleil). He was a Monarch of the House of Bourbon who ruled as King of France from 1643 until his death in 1715. His reign of 72 years and 110 days is the longest of any Monarch of a major country in Europe's history.

Could we restore for half an hour the dinner table of old France and obtain half a dozen instantaneous photographs of a Royal banquet at any era between the reigns of Francis I and Louis Quatorze such a “cataract of laughter” would be heard as might disturb the serenity of Louis in paradise. The Duchess, her napkin tied securely round her neck, would be seen mumbling a bone, the noble Marquis surreptitiously scratching himself, the belle Marquise, withdrawing her spoon from her lips to help a neighbor to sauce with it, another fair creature scouring her plate with her bread, a gallant courtier using his doublet or the tablecloth as a towel for his fingers and two footmen holding a yard of damask under a lady’s chin while she emptied her goblet at a draft. During a feast of inordinate length it was sometimes necessary to substitute a clean cloth for the one which the carelessness or bad manners of the guests had reduced to a deplorable condition. —In the Amador Ledger, “An Idler In Old France,” 1908

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Funeral Etiquette in Japan

Finally, don’t forget your 香典 (koden, condolence money). The basic rule is, the closer your relationship to the deceased, the more you should give.

Parting ways

Today, over 90 percent of funeral services in Japan are Buddhist. A traditional Buddhist funeral is a chance for loved ones and friends to come together, mourn, and seek closure. At times, it’s a solemn affair, so the idea of unintentionally causing offense is stressful, to say the least. When the time comes, it’s a good idea to prepare beforehand so you can focus on saying your goodbyes, not your apologies.

The dress code
While shades of blue and grey are acceptable at the wake, it’s expected that funeral attire is black from top to bottom. For men, that means a formal black suit and tie—no bow ties, no patterns, and no shiny fabrics or silks. The only color should be the white dress shirt worn under the jacket (which you should never take off, no matter how hot it gets). Most women wear dresses purchased for just such occasions, although dress pants are perfectly acceptable as well. It’s important not to show your legs, so black stockings or tights are essential.

Things to bring
The cost is not important but 数珠 (Juzu, Buddhist prayer beads) are a must. Choose a set that speaks to you and be sure to bring it along. If you have a little black bag or clutch in a plain, matte fabric feel free to make use of it now. For those of you with larger carry-all bags, there will be space to leave it in the hall so you won’t have to be carrying it throughout the entire service.

Finally, don’t forget your 香典 (koden, condolence money). The basic rule is, the closer your relationship to the deceased, the more you should give. A friend can bring along a minimum of ¥5,000, a relative should give ¥10,000, and immediate family even more. It’s customary to put the money in an envelope and carry it in a fabric wallet known as a 香典袋 (koden bukuro.) — By Alicia Hamasaki, in Japan Today, 2019

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Social Equality and Civilization

Early 20th C. British class system snobbery on display was just one of the many reasons for the popularity of the television hit series, “Downton Abbey”
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On the one hand, the aristocratic class, with all its power of social life and manners, is invariably materialized, while for the class of newly enriched people it sets the example of a materialistic ideal, which is accepted just because it is the ideal they can easiest comprehend. On the other, the people of the lower class, with the life of the middle class and its unlovely types of religion, thought, beauty and manners having no great attractions for them, fall back upon themselves— upon what Mr. Goldwin Smith calls “their, beer, their gin and their fun.” — Image source, Twitter

Matthew Arnold in his new book, “Mixed Essays,” maintains that with such inequality as now exists in England “a perfect civilization is impossible.” On the one hand, the aristocratic class, with all its power of social life and manners, is invariably materialized, while for the class of newly enriched people it sets the example of a materialistic ideal, which is accepted just because it is the ideal they can easiest comprehend. On the other, the people of the lower class, with the life of the middle class and its unlovely types of religion, thought, beauty and manners having no great attractions for them, fall back upon themselves— upon what Mr. Goldwin Smith calls “their, beer, their gin and their fun.” All this tends to failure in civilization. There are many qualities which go to complete a full humanization which means a true civilization.

England, it is true, has a strong sense of the power of conduct which Mr. Arnold regards as the chief power in the life and progress of man. But in the power of knowledge, of beauty and of social life, she is inferior to other nations. Certain races are on certain lines preeminent and representative. The Hebrew nation was pre-eminent on one great line— its statutes and righteous judgments; the Hellenic race on another— its philosophy and its eloquence. The power of beauty has been so great among Italians that it was they who revived the almost lost idea of beauty and the serious and successful pursuit of it. To the Germans belong the power of knowledge, which in the same way is eminently an influence with them. Last of these elements of civilization, and one of the greatest, is the power of social life and manners which the French possess above all other modern people. Without this a nation is incomplete.

Men are made equal by the humanity of their manners. Hence it was not the spirit of philanthropy which mainly impelled the French to the great revolution, nor was it the spirit of envy or a love of abstract ideas, though all these did something toward it; what did most was the spirit of society. Thus it was equality which has given to France so much of the goodness and agreeableness of life, and brought her to a really admirable and enviable pitch of humanization in one important line; so much so that some writers have been inclined to call France the most civilized of nations. To remedy the inequality that exists in England there must be a change in the law of bequest, as there has been in France, The code Napoleon, the actual law of France, forbids entails altogether.— N. Y. Home Journal, 1879

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia