Etiquette of Turkish Solon

Etiquette of Turkish Solon was"Quite Amusing" 

All Arose When a Member Entered the Chamber

The etiquette of the members of the Turkish chamber almost vies with the politeness of the young Chinese to his prospective father in-law, so amusingly told by Goldsmith.

At the commencement of the new era, either by accident or design, a custom arose that when any member of the house entered all those who were present rose from their seats and made their salaam to the newcomer. Even if a member was addressing the house, a breach in the speech was considered preferable to a breach of courtesy, consequently the orator paused, and the civilities complied with, proceedings resumed.             

The amenities proved themselves a nuisance, Grand Vizier, Ahmed Mukhtar Pasha, took the matter in hand, with the result that the house agreed that these courtesies should only be observed before the house was in session.

To put matters bluntly, these amenities proved themselves a nuisance. Mukhtar Pasha took the matter in hand, with the result that the house agreed that these courtesies should only be observed before the house was in session.

As the members drop in now, all in their seats rise and exchange compliments with the late comer, but as soon as business begins the belated one, metaphorically, like Longfellow's Arab, "folds his tent and silently steals" away into his seat. – From The San Francisco Call, 1911

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Etiquette and Success

With no manners, it means he's no social success.

“Success without culture is like old-fashioned strawberry short cake without the whipped cream. It has no flavor."

"There are certain little courteous observances, certain social formalities that bespeak the true lady, the true gentlemen. Some of us call it good form. Some of us call it culture. Some of us call it etiquette. But we all admit that it makes the world a better place to live in.


In Italy, young men and women are considered ben educato, not when they can read and write, but when they know the established forms of convention—when they can show by a correct dignity and ease of manner that they are perfect in their knowledge of the rules of good society. And, after all, don't you yourself judge people by what they do, and say, and wear? Don't you read in their manner and appearance the secret of their inner worth? Isn't character and disposition revealed in the outer personality?


Perhaps you have heard the story of the "gentleman" who prided himself on being perfect in the art of etiquette. On one occasion, he passed a lake and heard a drowning man call for help. Quickly he threw off his coat and was about to plunge into the water, when he suddenly remembered that he had never been introduced to the struggling victim. Putting on his coat again, he proceeded on his way quite self-satisfied.


This is an instance where common-sense would have been the better part of etiquette. Too rigid an observance of the laws of good society makes them nothing short of an absurdity. The purpose of correct manners is not to enable us to strut about in society and command the admiring glances of the people around us—as the peacock, in its vanity, parades before onlookers in a proud dignity that is quite obviously assumed. The true service of etiquette is so to strengthen and simplify the social life that we are able to do what is absolutely correct and right without even stopping to think about it.” — From Lillian Eichler's, 1924, “Book of Etiquette–Volume I.”

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British Royal Etiquette History and Dining

ROYALTY OF OLD BIG EATERS 

Feast at Court of King Richard II Called for Vast Amount of Food

England in the Canterbury days ate much in the French style. Spoons and fingers were good manners and carving was new-fangled. If it was, in fact, practiced to any extent at all. 

Richard II and the Duke of Lancaster once dined in London with the Bishop of Durham. The King, the Duke and the Bishop and their retinues and guests called for 120 sheep, 14 salted oxen and 2 fresh, 1,240 pigs, 12 boars, 210 geese, 720 hens, 50 capons "of hie geze" and eight dozen other capons, 50 swans and 100 dozen pigeons; rabbits and curlews by the score, 11,000 eggs, 12 gallons of cream and 120 gallons of milk.

The usual forms of address for a King for much of the "Plantagenet era" in England were ‘your highness’ and ‘your Grace’. Richard II introduced the terms ‘your majesty’ and ‘your high majesty’ to the court vocabulary, having had a grander and more elaborate vision of kingship than his predecessors.
During the King's later reign, there are accounts of Richard II sitting in splendor on his throne after dinner, while glaring around the room at the courtiers assembled there. It is said that, whomever his gaze rested upon was to fall to their knees in humble appreciation of his royal awesomeness. Eventually wearing thin, in 1399 Richard was deposed by his cousin, Henry Bolingbroke, who took the throne as Henry IV, which abruptly ended an unbroken succession of Plantagenet kings since the 12th century.

Such was a royal feast, says the Detroit News, and every day, whether fast day or eating day, had four meals. Breakfast at seven, dinner at ten in the morning, supper at four and livery at eight. The hour of dinner is said to show the development of cooking in any given country. But there were Chaucerian refinements, nevertheless, aside from dishes of flowers; permissible foods imitating the form of meats on fast days, hen eggs being counterfeited and clever things such as making two capons out of one by skinning it and stuffing the skin. 

There were, besides, the points of etiquette; a pig for a lord should be endored. His cabbage thickened with egg, not crumbs; a pike served whole to a Lord, but cut for the commonality. And mint sauce has a pedigree reaching to Edward I. – From Detroit News as reprinted in Sausalito News, 1924

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Etiquette, Manners and Flapperism

The disposition on the part of young people to conform or not to conform to the fundamental requirements of morality is not to be gauged by adherence to ballroom rules or dictates of an etiquette not of their choosing.

Every generation lives in its own world. Happy the parents who can recognize this fact and keep the confidence of their children by sympathetic tolerance of new things. 

The press is manifesting the growth of public interest in flappers. We are being treated in news dispatches to definitions of the term —efforts to define the indefinable. Clergymen are giving their views, statesman are called on for theirs. "Bathhouse John" of Chicago contributes his. Twenty years ago this social autocrat declared that any girl who smoke cigarettes "degenerates herself" —the distinction between the transitive and intransitive verb being one he had neither the patience nor the narrowness of mind to observe. When the subject comes with in the ken of "Bathhouse John" it has reached the dignity of a public question.
                                                        

The bobbed hair of flapperism.

To the apprehensive, the question of flapperism is a solemn and portentous one. When the flapper was born it was supposed that she would do exactly as her parents had done before her, and to their shocked surprise she seems to have found a new set of manners not at all like theirs. Those parents should reflect, however, that their manners were at many points unlike those of the flapper's grandparents, whose manners were undoubtedly different from those of her great-grandparents. If ways never changed the world could not progress.
                                                           

It's not the polka, mother!

An expensive trend in its day.

That there is more real evil in society for these changes of manner we strongly doubt. The disposition on the part of young people to conform or not to conform to the fundamental requirements of morality is not to be gauged by adherence to ballroom rules or dictates of an etiquette not of their choosing. They bob their hair. Long hair is not a prerequisite of sanctity. They shorten their skirts. That is sanitary. They go on long hikes. That is healthful.

Flapperism is not serious, but superficial. The best thing to do with flappers, is to let them flap. But not too much. - From S.F. Journal reprinted in Red Bluff Daily News, 1922 

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19th C. Thoughts on Etiquette, Society and Civilization

Where the meaning of its rules may be somewhat obscure at first sight, there is an underlying reason for the regulation laid down.

"Etiquette is, in point of fact, nothing more nor less than the law, written and unwritten, which regulates the society of civilized people, distinguishing them from the communities of barbarous tribes, whose lives are hard and their manners still harder.

It is to a well disciplined and refined mind the fundamental principle of action in all intercourse with society, and they are interested in maintaining it in its integrity, and bound to heed and obey its simplest as well as more formal precepts.

The real law-giver is the general convenience, speaking with authority and the experience of many years; and it will be found that even in those cases, where the meaning of its rules may be somewhat obscure at first sight, there is an underlying reason for the regulation laid down." –by Sarah Annie Frost, 1869

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More Retro Etiquette for "The Lady"

"ONLY one man in a thousand, and one woman in ten thousand, is capable of writing sincerely. Sincerity is a form of genius."

The Lady. Far and Near. 20th August, 1903

The front cover from an 1889 issue of “The Lady” 

"IF you accept hospitality from friends, you should return it in some form, however humble, and nice people will be just as pleased if you invite them to afternoon tea as to an elaborate dinner." The Lady. Household Management. 1899

"THERE is a serious resentment among women that the present political weight of the housewife should inspire such an unflattering assessment of her general intelligence and sense of life"

The Lady. With Prejudice. 27th April, 1950

“A ROUND table is generally the most becoming to a smallish room; more sociable, too, for entertaining than the angled kind.”

The Lady. Furnishing the Dining Room. 29th March, 1934

"THE woman who knows how to put on a hat and make an epigram is also likely to season a soup and keep moths and cobwebs out of her storeroom, yet the idea that housewives are a dull class persists."

The Lady. With Prejudice. 19th January, 1933

“PEOPLE cannot help being influenced by their surroundings and their environment; therefore how all important it is that both of these should be healthy and cheery, for health and happiness both go hand-in-hand.” The Lady. The Blessing of Old Health. 18th November, 1920

"IN these days of stress and hustle it is more important that we should sleep well. Otherwise the busy brain which has been so hard at work all day will after time lose its power." The Lady. The Secret Of A Good Night's Rest. 4th April, 1912

“THE delicate shrinking from the gaze of the world is in a certain section of women becoming more and more rare; it is laughed at as prudish, or as a mark of stupidity and dullness.”

The Lady. More About Women. 16th January, 1890

“WE are quite sure that it is regular work, and work which is imposed, which keeps people well and happy. What makes leisure and holidays delightful is just the fact that they come rarely. If you can have them whenever you like they lose their nature.” The Lady. The Joy of Work. 14th May 1914

"A SPICE of humour seasons the monotony of life. Without it the handsomest, most intellectual man is a bore, the most beautiful gifted woman insipid." The Lady. The Zest of Life. 11th September, 1924

“GOSSIP may mean many things – harmless or otherwise. But let us be on our guard when some one comes to us and chatters of “news” told “in confidence”! It is not always she who appears most kindly in her interest who is the safe sharer of sacred (maybe sorrowful) secrets! Charming manners do not always connote sincerity of heart!” The Lady. In Confidence. 4th April, 1918

"ABOVE everything else, as a guide to the "right thing" stands sympathy. Those who keep truly and sensitively in sympathy with the poeple about them, their surroundings, the evenys in which they find themselves taking part will never look or do or say anything that is very far removed from the coveted "right thing". The Lady. The "Right" Thing. 30th November, 1916

"THE depression affects all alike, for it is needless to say that if one class suffers, all must more or less suffer with it, though many are too short-sighted to realise this." The Lady. Renumerative Employment. 12th January, 1888

"SMALL vices sometimes lead to such good results that it seems they should almost be cultivated under the heading of "lesser evils."'

The Lady. Pigeon-holes. 11th February, 1909

“EATING in public is a terrible ordeal to many people, and it is certain one can judge more of a person’s social training at a first interview than by observing him at a table than in any other way.’

The Lady. American Ways Of Eating. 16th January, 1890

"ONE of the great lessons which Dame Nature teaches us is to look ahead. Therefore in the infancy of the year we ought to be making plans" The Lady. Floral Decoration. 11th February, 1909 

“FOR all of us who really like our fellow creatures, gossip is the spice of life. I don’t mean malicious gossip, but the pleasant exchange of little tit-bits of news and ideas with the right kind of people. It gives life its little bits of flavour, without which it would so often be dull.” The Lady. The Spice of Life by Sally Lunn. 17th January, 1946

"THE woman who allows herself to speak badly of others, who through envy or any other reason tries to injure another, loses each time she does so some softness and youthful contour." The Lady. Health is beauty and a simple life by Mrs. Adair. 24th November 1910

"ONE may be glad to use paper napkins and plates at a picnic, but to do so is to demonstrate that one no longer takes pleasure in, or desires, fine linen and china." The Lady. 'With Prejudice' by Clio. 19th July 1934

A Christmas Cover of "The Lady"

“ONE pair of willing hands is worth far more in the running of a pleasant home than any machine...” The Lady. With Prejudice: by Clio. 10th July, 1952.

“THOUGH we owe so much to the diarists of the past, there is a distinct feeling among those who never keep a diary that their inability to do so indicates certain charm.” The Lady. With Prejudice. 5th January 1933.

"AN experience which befalls most people sooner or later is that of being photographed by a professional in his studio. The desire to be reproduced three-dimensionally is as old as the human race and comes no doubt, from an unacknowledged craving to see ourselves as others see us." The Lady. The Art Of Being Photographed. 10th April 1930

"The first thing to decide when you are pondering whether you will share a flat with your friend, is not whether you love her but whether you can live with her! Try to put affection aside and to think of her impartially." The Lady. On Living Together. 10th March, 1932

“MOST women like cleanliness, order, ritual and neatness. These things are not found in bohemia. Yet the bohemian often produces exquisitely ordered and controlled work, while living a life of sheer, uncomfortable chaos.” The Lady. Excursions to Bohemia. 7th July, 1932

"It is never wise for anyone to rush into sudden friendship, especially young women. Far better for a girl to be thought a little dull at first than to do this, for, as many have found to their cost, it is easy enough to make undesirable acquaintances but very difficult to withdraw from them once made." The Lady. The Bachelor Girls. 7th July 1904

“It will be found that the foregoing simple system of book-keeping will not only check rash expenditure, but make a fascinating record which in after years will be found most interesting.” The Lady, Home Book-keeping, 5th July 1923

“A tin of home-made biscuits is always a useful addition to the store cupboard; they can be made well in advance for a tea party, or are ready to hand when the unexpected guest arrives.” The Lady. And Some Good Biscuit Recipes. 12th November, 1953

"The first thing to decide when you are pondering whether you will share a flat with your friend, is not whether you love her but whether you can live with her! Try to put affection aside and to think of her impartially." The Lady. On Living Together. 10th March, 1932

"IT may appear a very small matter, but in reality, a mistress cannot be too particular about the way in which the door is answered and visitors are announced." The Lady. Household Management. 23rd July, 1896

"Somehow the returning of baskets and boxes is one of the things, like returning borrowed books, which the average person find difficult or even impossible." The Lady. With Prejudice. 25th June 1936.

"We do not spoil a small child’s birthday, if we have any real sympathy with young minds, by giving all the other children cakes and wreaths as well." The Lady. With Prejudice. 25th June, 1936.

“The only disgrace which can be attached to a woman-worker comes, not from the work, but from the way in which it is done. Marriage cannot come to all daughters, and even those happily married have to consider the chances of widowhood.” The Lady. Untrained daughters. 25th May 1899

"TO be a wife and to be a girl bachelor are both good things, entered into wisely." The Lady. The Emancipated Girl. 3rd September, 1893 

"PEOPLE in England talk too much at luncheon or dinner about politics and not enough about literature, music or painting. The question does rather present itself as to whether conversation, as a fine art, is dying out in the hurry clipped phraseology of to-day."

The Lady. The Art of Conversation. 12th December, 1929

"AFTERNOON calls are not paid before three o'clock. Formal calls, first ones, and those made by slight acquaintances are usually made before four o'clock; more friendly ones between four and five, but you would not call later than five unless you knew your hostess very well. None but intimate friends would think of calling upon you during the busy hours before luncheon." The Lady. Letters to Do from "Lady Clare". 30th November, 1916 

Written by Katy Pearson ~ Originally printed online at http://www.lady.co.uk

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Earliest Hallmarked 17th C. Fork

Customs of Bygone Age

                                                           

Above ~2 styles of marrow scoops – By the mid-17th century one etiquette book author advised people stop handling or “mouthing” bones, but to remove bone marrow to eat, with a knife. Within time, marrow scoops and spoons became very popular, as bone marrow was considered a health food.  "Suck no bones… Take them not with two hands… Gnaw them not… Knock no bones upon thy bread, or trencher, to get out the marrow of them, but get out the marrow with a knife… To speake better… it is not fit to handle bones, and much lesse to mouth them. Make not use of a knife to breake bones…also breake them not with thy teeth, or other thing, but let them alone."  From Youth's Behaviour, by Francis Hawkins, 1646

Letters and other documents dealing with manners and customs of daily life in the 17th century which came to light recently, tend to show that it was customary in those days for “persons of quality” to have sets of their own spoons, knives and forks, which they took with them when invited out.

These papers are of particular interest just at this time, to collectors of antiques in connection with an addition made recently to the British Museum. This was the earliest hallmarked table fork known, engraved with the crest of Manners and Montague 1632. About the same time a silver spoon of identical hallmark and crest was taken to Haddon Hall.

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Etiquette and "Mother's Secret"

He looks angelic, but were his manners as assured and correct as those of a grown man?

I once knew a lady whose son, a little lad of ten, was the admiration of everyone for his beautiful manners. While he was perfectly simple, frank and boyish, his manners were as assured and correct as those of a grown man. His mother could send him in a carriage alone to the station to bring a lady guest from the station, certain that he would give her every needful attention. He would take the checks, care for the baggage and bring her to the house with every courtesy. And always when visitors were at his home, he did his little share of entertaining them. He was quick to wait upon them and to show them every respect, and, though he was not forward, he was ready to converse with them if they seem so inclined.

"How do you manage it? What course of training do you pursue?" People used to inquire. "Well," I heard his mother answer, laughingly, at one time, "for one thing I never snubbed him. He has no idea that there are people in the world who do not like boys. He supposes that everybody is as friendly as himself. Then I have always brought them up to take care of me, and to be polite to me, and I am as careful to be considerate and courteous to him as I am to his father. So he never has to be put on his good manners; they are the habit of his life. I think that is all about there is to it." —From American Youth, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Moderator for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia