Hindu Tea Wisdom

A novel tea pot design patented in 1892. —Tea etymology: Many sources claim that “tea” got its name from what was printed on the crate which held the dried leaves which arrived from Portugal to England when Catherine of Braganza was to wed King Charles II. On the crate read the letters  T.E.A. These stood for Transportation of Aromatic Herbs. The name stuck with the dried leaves which produced the now popular beverage.  

TEA IS CALLED ONE MAINSTAY

Chandra Ghose, Hindu tea planter and a delegate to the recent Imperial Economic Conference at Ottawa, on a visit to this country, pointed out that tea has been a "mainstay" in the lives of the Hindus and the Orientals for centuries.

"The Hindu is famous the world over for his calm and his patience," Chandra Ghose said. "A Hindu can sit down with a cup of tea and quietly and calmly meditate upon his problems or his affairs without ending up with a nervous breakdown or a family fight."

"The American housewife," Miss Louise Lane adds, "can learn a profitable lesson from this Indian custom. At the start of the day, a good cup of tea will go a long way toward giving her a pleasant beginning, and as the day wears on wit its distractions and its labors, an occasional pause, a quiet moment spent with a cup of tea, will do wonders for her peace of mind. 

The American housewife can learn another lesson from her sisters of India and see that tea is on the menu for the male members of the family. Its gentle stimulus will work a welcome change after a hard day's work, and it is even suggested that right in the middle of that next family squabble over the budget or who's going to have the car, everybody pause and have a cup of tea. Such a custom would smooth out a lot of domestic squabbles. — San Luis Obispo Daily Telegram, 1932

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

“Etiquette and Manners” at Program

Dr. Aydelott spoke of the different kinds of “Men of the Hour” throughout all ages. In the early age he was a cave man. From that time on until the present each age claimed a type to be copied by the general populace. But now the man of the hour must be a gentleman, a real gentleman, not the mamby pamby sort that often pose as such. He had no use for the invertebrate ass who promenaded the street with his monocle and cigarette, a pattern of etiquette, but with no moral fiber in him. 

CHAUTAUQUA IS AUSPICIOUSLY LAUNCHED

Program of Varied Nature at Chautauqua Tent Last Night Wins Rounds of Applause; Expectations Exceeded

One of the many subjects spoken on was, “The Man of the Hour.” : 

This was the subject a Dr. Aydelott used. He began by mentioning the different kinds of “Men of the Hour” throughout all ages. In the early age he was a cave man. From that time on until the present each age claimed a type to be copied by the general populace. But now the man of the hour must be a gentleman, a real gentleman, not the mamby pamby sort that often pose as such. He had no use for the invertebrate ass who promenaded the street with his monocle and cigarette, a pattern of etiquette, but with no moral fiber in him. 

Dr. Aydelotte’s lecture had the strain of truth and sincerity throughout. He drew many clever and humorous comparisons during the course of his talk. He had the utmost contempt for “the measly old mises, whose wizeneo, dried up soul could be put into a peanut shell and then rattle about like a grain of Kansas mustard seed. Still he bad the utmost regard for the hale and hearty fat people. He thoroughly believed in the “survival of the fattest.” 

“There is a big difference,” he said, “between etiquette and good manners. Parents should learn the distinction and dedicate their home to good manners.  The Man of the Hour must have a heart as well as a brain." Dr. Aydelotte then spoke of the “Big Brotherhood Movement” in New York. This organization has taken hold of over by 3000 boys, out of which 97 per cent have made good. When one man goes down he always takes others with him, and when he rises up he generally helps someone else up. 

Mr. Aydelotte mentioned the fact that he would rather have a boy grasp his hand and say, “You made me what I am.” than to own all of John D. Rockefeller's millions. The language of the human heart is as old as toe beginning of the world, and that is what helps young men to rise. With startling abruptness Dr. Aydelott asked several questions of the audience, based on a brief personal observation of San Luis Obispo. He wanted to know if the schools were adequate. Several in the audience answered “no,” and he replied he thought no. 

He also wanted to know if the city had any place for boys to spend their evenings besides saloons and pool parlors. Another suggestion was that something should be done to preserve the old Mission, as it is a historical landmark that should be cared for. He didn’t want to criticise, he said, but merely warned to help. Speaking of Chautauqua, he reminded the audience that the total cost was only about as much as the price of a good automobile. There are always people willing to discourage home movements, but every successful town is built on something besides wealth. 

He next told of a sick boy in a hospital who had admired Walter Johnson, the baseball star. Mr. Johnson heard of the boy’s illness and sent him a baseball he had used that day, together with a personal note. From that time on the boy continued to improve. It was a lesson that some boy or girl is always watching us and waiting to copy, whether it be for good or bad. Dr. Aydelott closed by saying that storms make men. When a man does his task and does it well, that man is great. After the lecture nearly half the audience waited to shake hands with Dr. Aydelott. – San Luis Obispo Daily Telegram, 1916

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Bon-Bons at Dinner

According to cooking expert, Miss Louise Lane, “Candy is just as important in the formal dinner as the appetizers or dessert.”

IMPORTANT AT DINNER TABLE

Small Bon Bon Dishes of Fresh Sweets Always Are Welcomed by Guests

Candy is just as important in the formal dinner as the appetizers or dessert…

That candy has a definite place in the menu is borne out by Miss Louise Lane, cooking expert, who declares that it adds not only to the taste appeal of the balanced meal, but, if properly selected, to the appearance of the table as well.

1932 advertisement for “Martha Washington Candies”

Many women are puzzled as to the right moment to put the candy on the table. This is mere a matter of choice, authorities on table etiquette disagreeing on this point. Some say that candy has a place on the table right from the beginning of the meal and that a small bon-bon dish at either end of the table may be considered a correct part of the table setting. Others insist that the candy dishes make their entrance after the table has been cleared of the main course and the dessert is being served.

Miss Lane has chosen Martha Washington candies for her demonstration during the “Kitchen Chautauqua” this week. She says: “Few persons recognize the importance of the word FRESH in regard to candy. For 35 years the Martha Washington Candies Company, has pursued the policy of treating candy as a perishable article, demanding pure butter, fresh cream and eggs and other ingredients, and no preservatives. This company's slogan has been, “The Candy that's made to eat, not to keep.” Because of its freshness I have selected it for my “Happy Kitchen.” – Oakland Tribune, 1932

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Cat Fight Over “Eticat”

       

CAT FIGHT: Jere Hathaway Wright holds puppets Eticat, left, and Mt. Jewl, after testifying in court Wednesday in Fairfax, Va. – January 1998
🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
 The judge ultimately ruled against Johnson in the lawsuit: Today's etiquette lesson: Sharing with a friend is a nice idea, but better get a trademark first. A Fairfax County judge ruled yesterday that an area woman who created a purple sock puppet named Eticat to teach manners to children cannot successfully sue a former friend who borrowed the idea.– Washington Post, February, 1998

Etiquette Mavens Doff Gloves for Cat Puppet 

FAIRFAX, Va.– The white gloves have come off as two Washington-area manners mavens fight each other in a most uncivil lawsuit over the rights to Eticat, a feline puppet used to teach children etiquette. Dorothea Johnson accuses a former employee, Jere Hathaway Wright, of swiping the puppet idea and starting a competing operation schooling children in the finer points of polite society. 

“All I can say is I believe I was there first,” Wright said in a huff as she clutched the purple-and-black puppet outside a Fairfax County courtroom Wednesday. Johnson is seeking to bar Wright from using the Eticat name. She also wants up to $10,000 in damages. 

A judge who heard two days of testimony is expected to rule in February. “She was a friend, and I feel betrayed,” Johnson said. Wright was broke and looking for work five years ago when Johnson hired her as a consultant for The Protocol School of Washington, Johnson said. “Never did I suspect that she would take my materials and use them in the way that she did,” Johnson testified. 

Johnson, with 40 years of experience, is perhaps the best known of the etiquette tutors who abound in society conscious Washington, where the social graces can help one avoid an international incident. Johnson also works as a consultant to the American diplomatic corps. She claims she was working on an idea to use a cat puppet in her childrens etiquette classes when Wright came on board in 1993. The project was called Eticat and was outlined in confidential documents. 

Although her lawyer calls it theft, Johnson puts her allegation more politely: “Miss Wright misappropriated my idea. The unpleasantness began early on,” Johnson said, when she overheard Wright make some rather indecorous remarks about Johnson’s table manners.– The Associated Press, 1998

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tipping Etiquette History

Regardless of how cute or funny a restaurant tries to make it, a command to “tip the waiter” will still annoy many patrons.

The Pernicious Habit of Tipping

New Orleans has rebelled against lagniappe and declared for its abolition. A practice which probably began in the simple courtesy of giving a stick of candy or some delicacy to a customer’s child with time grew into a heavy tax upon trade. By becoming virtually compulsory it lost its first sentimental purpose of personal kindness and good will and took on the character of a fixed exaction, just as tipping has done here.

The abuse common to many domestic servants and commercial buyers who have levied commissions upon dealers of all sorts for giving preference to their goods led to the passage of the Saxe anti-tipping law. It promises to interfere with the private profits of purchasing agents, as well as of stewards and grooms and gardeners.

In Great Britain the prevention of corruption bill, which went into effect Jan. 1st, shuts off similar favors corruptly given to influence an agent in the discharge of his principal’s business. While it is not expected to affect open tipping, strictly enforced it may undermine that flourishing British institution, the Christmas box, which had almost ceased to be a gratuity and become a vested right. 

British tradesmen desired to protect their trade by distributing Christmas bonuses, but to all practical purposes they had lost the privilege of choice. The Spectator suggests the adoption of the rule followed by several firms in Geneva which, in place of their usual indiscriminate gifts of cigars, chocolate and so on, hand over a sum of money to the public authorities for charitable distribution.

The Petit Parisien, in discussing the question of New Year’s presents and “pourboires,” uncovered an interesting state of opinion in certain trades. The Barbers’ Trades Union in Paris, for instance, in its constitution, which dates from 1887, prescribes the suppression of tipping. It takes the logical position that the laborer, being worthy of his hire, should not depend for pay upon the caprice or generosity of the customers. 

As an employee the barber, like any other worker, is entitled to fixed, adequate wages. The circumstance that tips are so frequently bestowed tends to reduce wages unfairly and to lower the standing of the worker. The dignity of labor, in a personal and material way, is made on the basis of the barbers’ protest against the long-unaccepted tip. was regarded as the mark of a foreigner to stretch the grateful hand to the tipper. 

The average American worker would have regarded the offer of money as an insult. In many occupations the practice is now as firmly established as abroad, but the American rule requires a liberality unknown in Europe. It would be refreshing to have a barbers’ or waiters’ union in New York make formal protest against the degrading and humiliating influence of tipping. – New York World, 1907

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Etiquette of the Elevator in 1907

If men should remove their hats in the presence of women in the elevators of business and public buildings they should by analogy take them off in Pullman cars and cabins of ferry-boats, in street and railroad cars and coaches, in closed carriages and omnibuses, in the stores; go uncovered in the corridors of the capitol; the congressional library, the national museum, the corridors of the government office buildings, railroad stations, and, in short, in all places under roof in which the two sexes publicly mingle. – Above, a beautifully designed, art deco era elevator door. 

"There is no one to pass authoritatively upon the etiquette of the elevator," said a critical citizen to a Star reporter, "but it strikes me that the line should be drawn, and a little study of the question has resulted in this conclusion:

"I think the line should be drawn between the business elevators, those in office buildings, stores and public buildings generally and those in hotels. In the latter a man should remove his hat and uncover in the presence of women passengers, and in the former he should not, and there should be no deviation from the rule.

"The differentiation in the established courtesy shown by men as a great class to women may easily be made clear, though there are some of our fair sisters who would keep a man on his knees all the time and never give him a chance to stretch as others would have him uncover in the street cars, which are inclosed compartments frequented by both sexes, and give him a perpetual cold in the head.

"If men should remove their hats in the presence of women in the elevators of business and public buildings they should by analogy take them off in Pullman cars and cabins of ferry-boats, in street and railroad cars and coaches, in closed carriages and omnibuses, in the stores; go uncovered in the corridors of the capitol; the congressional library, the national museum, the corridors of the government office buildings, railroad stations, and, in short, in all places under roof in which the two sexes publicly mingle.

"Certain it is if a woman expects a man to uncover in a public elevator, her sense of discrimination which the cynics of both sexes unite in declaring is not accentuated, except as regards female apparel, it is the height of absurdity for her not to be indignant if a man rides with her with his hat on in a closed carriage; yet not one of our sweet cousins would think for a moment that a man should do this, though he is closer to her in one compartment than in a public elevator, and he is either slightly or well acquainted with her in the bargain.

"In the elevator of a hotel, however, it is another matter. Here the two sexes meet upon more personal terms, as it were, and the relationship between the sexes is more of that in private houses. There is an atmosphere entirely different from that in the elevator of a business or public building, and it is one which demands of a man more courtesy toward the opposite sex than in the latter place

"I have always thought, therefore, when I see men uncover in store and public building elevators that they lacked a discriminating knowledge of gentlemanly instincts rather than, as they evidently suppose, showing such to woman shoppers and visitors to the departments." – Washington Star, 1907

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Review of 1886 Etiquette in 1948

“When tripping over the pavement, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above the ankle. With the right hand, she should hold together the folds of her gown, and draw them towards the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can only be tolerated for a moment, when the mud is very deep.” – Above, what the fashionable women of 1886 would be wearing while following the etiquette of the day.

Can You Imagine Following 

Gilded Age Etiquette 

in 1948?

According to an etiquette book published in 1886, there are things that a lady, or gentleman, doesn't do. Can't you just see some Tamites abiding by these rules?

“A lady ought to adopt a modest and measured gait; too great hurry injures the grace which ought to characterize her.” (what if you only have five minutes between classes?) “She should not present herself alone in a library or museum, unless she goes there to study or work as an artist.

“After twilight, a young lady would not be conducting herself in a becoming manner, by walking alone, If the host wishes to accompany you himself, you must excuse yourself politely for giving him so much trouble, but finish, however, by accepting.

“When tripping over the pavement, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above the ankle. With the right hand, she should hold together the folds of her gown, and draw them towards the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can only be tolerated for a moment, when the mud is very deep.” – Tamalpais News, 1948

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: “How To” in China

The Japanese, conscientious to the extreme about courtesy and etiquette, recently published a book of instructions of how to behave in China. 

Some tips:

• (1) Moderate your drinking habits. Please try not to be a nuisance to other people, the book urges. In the past there has been trouble because of sake (rice wine) drinking. In Japan, the excuse “under the influence of sake” is acceptable, but this is not so in China.
• (2) Treat Chinese women as equals, the book warns Japanese men - So do not hurt women's feelings by teasing them or making improper jokes. Avoid undue familiarity and do not touch their persons with your hands, which is a most impolite thing to do.
• (3) Do not talk to Chinese people with a cigarette in your mouth.
• (4) Do not walk around your hotel wearing only underwear or pajamas and slippers, the book advises. Treat hotel employees not as servants but in a friendly manner, as equals.
• (5) When you take a photograph, always ask permission of bystanders. When photographing public monuments, be careful to frame the entire subject. The Chinese will inspect your film before leaving the country, and do not look kindly on headless or legless photos of their leaders.
• (6) Never speak of “Red China” or “Communist China.” The proper appellation is “The People's Republic of China.”– San Bernardino Sun, 1972

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Artillery Etiquette in 1904

Being armed was a necessity for many at the turn of the 19th to 20th centuries. Women, and personal protection for them, were the subjects of numerous advertising campaigns, especially in areas where one’s safety was in question. Above is one such advertisement by Smith and Wesson.

GUN ETIQUETTE IN COLORADO

Curator of State Museum Gives His Opinion of the Matter

After twenty-five years of residence In Colorado, State Curator W. C. Ferril is raising a nice point in what he calls “artillery” etiquette. Mr. Ferril regards himself as no tenderfoot, and says that since Friday night the only reason he has not at least one dead man to his credit is that he was not armed.

It appears that on Friday night between 10 and 11 o'clock, Mr. Ferril was wending his way toward his home on Downing avenue. He had occasion to cross a vacant lot between Eighteenth and Nineteenth avenues, near Washington, and on stepping out upon Nineteenth avenue he discovered that he had in the darkness come up immediately behind a man and a woman who were standing on the corner. Mr. Ferril's movements had perhaps been more than ordinarily quiet, and the couple took immediate alarm. At least the man threw one hand to his hip pocket in what Mr. Ferril terms a well-defined “gun play.”

Noticing the action on the part of the man, Ferril, who was only about ten feet away, threw up his hands. “My hands are up,” he shouted. “Don't come up behind me with your hands in your pocket,” said the unknown, with his hand still at his hip pocket, although he drew no gun. “I don't know what to make of the occurrence,” said Mr. Ferril in discussing the matter yesterday. “I don't know whether the fellow had a gun or not. We were still standing there, my hands in the air and he with one hand at his hip, when another couple came along and asked which way to reach the Brown Hotel. I answered them and by that time my unknown friend and his companion had left the scene.

“It was the most absurd thing that ever happened to me since I came to Colorado, particularly as I don't believe the fellow had a gun on his person. He undoubtedly made a gun play, however, and if I had been properly armed I would no doubt have taken a shot at him. By properly armed I mean with a gun in my coat pocket, where such a weapon ought to be carried. Nobody should carry a gun, if he expects to use it, in his hip pocket.

“The proposition resolves itself down to this point, as I understand artillery etiquette,” concluded Mr. Ferril. “When I saw his movement and threw up my hands that was immediate recognition of his ‘drop’ on me if he had one. If he had a drop on me and intended me any harm, it was up to him to proceed with his plans whatever they were. But when he failed to take his hand away from his pocket - then it was my turn to act. If I had had a gun I would undoubtedly have drawn upon him and fired. That, I take it, would be my privileges while he maintained a threatening attitude.” -Denver Republican, 1904

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Rank Among Actors

The star bears exactly the same relation to the subjects as a Queen does to the ladies of the Court, and the subjects the same relation to the coryphées as, say, the ladies of the bedchamber to the dressers of her Majesty. The quadrille is a mob of novices having no rank to speak of. – Print of the famed, 1874 painting by Edgar Degas, “The Rehearsal of the Ballet Onstage”

Fine Distinctions of Etiquette Observed in the Green-Room

There is no place under heaven in which hierarchical grades are so rigidly established as in the dancers’ green-room at the European opera-houses. The star, says the Chicago News, bears exactly the same relation to the subjects as a Queen does to the ladies of the Court, and the subjects the same relation to the coryphées as, say, the ladies of the bedchamber to the dressers of her Majesty. The quadrille is a mob of novices having no rank to speak of.

Were a subscriber to pit or box tier, who has his entree to the green-room, engaged in a conversation in the wings with a member of the quadrille, and a coryphée to come up, the former would have to go away. The same etiquette would be observed by a coryphée if a subject came up; and if the star deigned to speak to the gentleman the subject would be expected to fall back in an attitude which would express the deep sense she felt of the honor done her by the star in deigning to address the admirer of the subject.

A star would think herself called upon to resent being invited to dine with an inferior member of the corps de ballet unless her leave were first asked. The etiquette would be to ask her what members it might be agreeable for her to meet, and whether, if she did not desire to make a choice herself, it might be agreeable for Mademoiselle Such-a-One to be invited? Nor would it be thought rude if she made a choice excluding the danseuse so named. Subjects stand in a relative position toward coryphées. But young ladies of the quadrille should be only asked to meet each other. – Banning Herald, 1891

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Mid-20th C. Women’s Glove Etiquette

   

Social successories – Women’s long silk gloves, along with a pair of vintage leather gloves, antique glove stretchers and button hooks.

Glove Etiquette

There was a time when gloves played an important role in society, and a lady was rarely seen in public without them. Today, especially in Southern California where the dressing habits are so casual, the emphasis placed on this accessory is perhaps not stressed enough. When a young woman is trying to look her best, gloves tend to give her a more poised and pleasing appearance. The college girl should always wear gloves to such events as semi-formal and formal dances, receptions, concerts, formal dinners, interviews, weddings, etc…

In choosing a length for your gloves, you should consider the type of sleeve you will be wearing. The lengths of gloves range from one-button (one inch above the base of the thumb) to 20 buttons (20 inches above the base of the thumb). For short-sleeved dresses, any length along the lower forearm is appropriate. Sleeveless cocktail dresses and semi-formals are effectively accessorized with elbow-length gloves. On very formal occasions where long, bare-armed gowns are prevalent, only opera and shoulder lengths are permissible. The popular shorty gloves are the most versatile of all and can be worn with almost anything.

Gloves have acquired an etiquette of their own, and the manner in which they are handled is important. Once inside a building or house, you may remove them at any time except at formal dances, dinners, and receptions. When eating, both gloves should be removed and kept on the lap under the dinner napkin, never on top of the table. A lady should always keep her gloves on while shaking hands.

Fine store glove departments have a complete selection of the finest gloves in the most fashionable styles, colors, and materials. There you can find chic gloves designed in imported kid, pigskin, or the new stretch leather that conforms to the shape of the hand beautifully. To make it easy for you to coordinate an outfit, the fabric gloves of easy care cotton or nylon come in a host of shades. For evening, luxurious metallic fabrics and satins have been used to give more importance and elegance to the hands. 

To add an extra touch of completeness to an outfit, matching purses have been combined with gloves that fit every hand size (they make perfect gifts, too!). At Harris' glove counter, individual attention is given to helping you select the right style and insuring a perfect fit. Remember, properly gloved hands can make the difference between good and bad grooming. – By Mary Kay and Pam Louden for the Highlander, 1964

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Men’s Attire at Weddings

The best man and ushers are dressed about as the groom is, although they may vary the color of cravat, gloves and spats. The boutonnieres of the groom and best man are always white.

Question: How are the bridegroom, best man and ushers dressed for a morning, or an afternoon or an evening wedding?

Answer: Clothes to be worn at a formal wedding, either in the morning or the afternoon, would be the same. A black morning coat, (cut-away), dark grey-striped trousers, white shirt, gray cravat or ascot, or else, black and white, or gray and white bow tie, black socks, black patent leather shoes, with or without spats, gray gloves and a top hat.

The best man and ushers are dressed about as the groom is, although they may vary the color of cravat, gloves and spats. The boutonnieres of the groom and best man are always white.

If the wedding is a country one. the clothes may be less formal, and if it is to be an outdoor one, flannel trousers may be worn with dark coats, but in this event, the bride and her attendants must be appropriately dressed. An evening wedding requires evening dress, not dinner jackets. – Imperial Valley Press, 1931

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for 2025, from 1938

“What does it indicate when a young man talks continuously about himself, his accomplishments, his business success, and his experiences? It indicates that he is very vain and conceited. This type of young man is soon considered a bore, and seldom has but few friends, if any.”  – This applies equally to vain and conceited young women, as well!

Modern Etiquette

Q. Is it good manners for a guest to comment on the food served in a friend’s home?
A. Yes, provided she can say how delicious it is, or praise some particular dish that she knows her hostess takes pride in. It is of course very rude for a guest to say, “I have never cared for salads,” or, “I do not like lemon pie.”

Q. What does it indicate when a young man talks continuously about himself, his accomplishments, his business success, and his experiences?
A. It indicates that he is very vain and conceited. This type of young man is soon considered a bore, and seldom has but few friends, if any.

Q. How does a caller dispose of wraps?
A. A woman retains her wrap, hat and gloves: a man leaves his overcoat, hat and gloves in the hall.

– By Roberta Lee, Calexico Chronicle, 1938

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

One King’s White Glove Etiquette

Alfonso of Spain has a peculiar aversion to gloves, and he refuses to wear them, even on great state occasions In the beginning the strict etiquette of the court of Spain was shocked, but now the young King’s independence is taken as a matter of course. –
Above, an engagement card featuring Alfonso in uniform with his helmet and sword and his fiancé, Victoria Eugenie, wearing a fashionable, squared necked, evening dress.

KING ALFONSO HATES GLOVES

 MAYOR'S TRICK IS UNVEILED

Not Knowing King’s Distaste, Mayor has His Picture Wrong

NEW YORK, June 14 - Alfonso of Spain has a peculiar aversion to gloves, and he refuses to wear them, even on great state occasions In the beginning the strict etiquette of the court of Spain was shocked, but now the young King’s independence is taken as a matter of course.

Alfonso had also a keen and quick eye, and he relates this story of an incident in the Pyrenees. Passing through a little village the royal automobile misbehaved, and the royal traveler alighted to direct the royal chauffeurs in making repairs. The mayor of the village struggled into a white collar and his best clothes and came forward to offer assistance. The King asked him to show him around the village, and the two men left the car in the road and walked through the town.

In the office of the mayor was a picture of Alfonso, but wearing white gloves This caused the King to approach and examine the print closely. “Never have I worn white gloves.” muttered Alfonso. Then the mayor came forward, covered with confusion, and explained. The picture was originally of Alfonso XII, the King's father. When son followed father to the throne the thrifty mayor decapitated Alfonso XII and had the head of Alfonso XIII painted on the original canvas. He had not, however, known about the gloves. – By the Associated Press, 1913

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Doors and Privacy

In an old etiquette book, written some 200 years ago, attention is called to the fact that when seeking admission at chamber doors one should give “not above one knock” and “At the door of the chamber of a great person it would be rude to knock; we are only to scratch.”

Always Remember To Knock

“A good custom is better than law.”-Euripides

One thing in which English family etiquette is better than our own is in the little custom, of knocking. Generally speaking in English families there is more respect for personal privacy than in our own land, and children of British parents are early taught to knock on their parent’s doors before entering. In like manner, a well bred English woman would show more consideration than to enter one of her own children’s rooms without the preliminary request for admission in the guise of a knock. Having knocked, the well bred English person waits for the welcoming, “Come in,” whereas between members of the same family in this land of ours, if we stop to knock at all, we often forget to wait for the word of welcome.

Recently many a new house in this country has been provided with little brass knockers placed on each bedroom door and these perhaps rerve to revive the gentle courtesy of knocking. Needless to say the custom of knocking for admission is a very ancient one and, before the days of doorbells and even before the days of iron or brass door knockers, people knocked for admission to other people’s houses and cottages by means of a vigorous knocking with the knuckle. Just as now we consider it rude to ring repeatedly or more than once without waiting to give someone inside an opportunity to respond to the first ring, so it was considered rude to continue with a series of knocks. 

In an old etiquette book, written some 200 years ago, attention is called to the fact that when seeking admission at chamber doors one should give “not above one knock” and “At the door of the chamber of a great person it would be rude to knock; we are only to scratch.” Probably the idea was that the knock might disturb the great man and that a servant was sure to be near the door to hear the merest scratch. However, scratching as a substitute for knocking is no longer in vogue.– By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1918

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Noon Weddings

“should wear a dark morning coat, light or white waistcoat, light trousers and light gloves, preferably pearl gray…” – Image of men’s gloves, Pinterest

A. E. City.–  An authority on etiquette on the subject of noon weddings says: “The dress of the bridegroom should be on no account too gay: he should wear a dark morning coat, light or white waistcoat, light trousers and light gloves, preferably pearl gray, and a flower in his buttonhole.” – San Francisco Call, 1900

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and a Complaining Dyspeptic

As a bright creature said not long ago after being thrown into the company of this pronounced type of dyspeptic: “Why, I'd just as soon darn my stockings between the courses, or manicure my nails, or do anything of that sort at the table, as to talk of uproarious rebellious interior organs, and yet I have had to listen to a running commentary on them for six weeks!”… 
Alerting a host or hostess ahead of a meal that one has dietary or other food restrictions is one thing. A smart host or hostess will know how to handle the situation discreetly. But turning one’s gut and stomach issues into a topic of discussion at the dining table is another – whether your repast is being served in a humble boarding house or the grand dining room in a Newport mansion. Good manners will keep one from divulging the details of their dyspepsia at the dining table.

Who of us that has ever “boarded” in the usual way has not been at some time afflicted with the society of the complaining dyspeptic boarder. The malady is too prevalent for us always to escape her, though it doesn’t follow that she must be a disagreeable stamp of invalid. By no means. But there is one specimen which haunts public tables, whether at home or abroad, that we would all like to have suppressed by fair means or foul. 

You ask one of these dyspeptics, “Will you have some white bread?” and she replies with the air of a wife of a candidate, “No, I don't eat anything made of white flour. It seems to swell up inside of me,” “Shall I help you to some ragout of veal?” “No, thanks,” this time she speaks with angelic sweetness, “I love it, but it doesn't love me!”- such an original remark! - “the last time I ate veal I was up all night,” and then she folds her hands resignedly under the table. “Cheese?” “No, thanks!” - this dyspeptic kind of woman always says, “Thanks, it does not agree with me; my husband's father was a doctor, and he told me never to eat cheese with my stomach,” and so on, and so on.

Then she will be sure to recommend certain dishes to the assembled guests, and to her daughter, if she has a daughter, it is: “Susie, dear, eat only the stone fruit, and a great deal of it; it is so good for you, dear.” Or it is: “Susie, remember your stomach was out of order yesterday; don't eat that!” Until you have a succession of internal and infernal pictures, as a delightful sauce for your dinner, breakfast and lunch conversations. The beauty of it is, this chronic sufferer consumes more food than a person of healthy appetite with perfect digestion. You can’t blame anybody for having a disordered pâté de foie gras liver, but it is rather distressing to continually hear about it. 

As a bright creature said not long ago after being thrown into the company of this pronounced type of dyspeptic: “Why, I'd just as soon darn my stockings between the courses, or manicure my nails, or do anything of that sort at the table, as to talk of uproarious rebellious interior organs, and yet I have had to listen to a running commentary on them for six weeks!” It is a question if a chapter on this American trait shouldn't be added to a certain little manual on etiquette and table manners that some of us would like immediately answered in the affirmative. – Boston Herald, 1888

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Advice: Strive for Elegance

“Some people eat instinctively with great elegance; some never achieve elegance in these minor matters, but all should strive for it. There is no more repulsive object than a person who eats noisily, grossly, inelegantly.” – One form of inelegant dining at the table was achieved by those gilded age, young women who refused to remove their mousquetaire gloves at the table. Yes, the gloves could be simply unbuttoned and one could shove the glove’s “fingers” under the gloves, pushing them out of the way… avoiding the need to remove them completely, as any elegant women at the table had done. But this custom was never considered proper at the table. Removing one’s gloves completely at the table was the required etiquette, as it still is today.

GOOD AND BAD TABLE MANNERS

Some people eat instinctively with great elegance; some never achieve elegance in these minor matters, but all should strive for it. There is no more repulsive object than a person who eats noisily, grossly, inelegantly. Dr. Johnson is remembered for his brutal way of eating almost as much as for his great learning and genius. With him it was selfish preoccupation.

Fish and fruit are eaten with silver knives and forks; or, if silver fish-knives are not provided, a piece of bread can be held in the left hand. Fish corrodes a steel knife. Never tilt a soup-plate for the last drop, or ostentatiously scrape your plate clean.

A part of table manners should be the conversation. By mutual consent, everyone should bring only the best that is in him to the table. There should be the greatest care taken in the family circle to talk of only agreeable topics at meals. The mutual forbearance which prompts the neat dress, the respectful bearing, the delicate habit of eating, the attention to table etiquette, should also make the mind put on its best dress, and the effort of any one at a meal should be to make himself as agreeable as possible.

No one should show any haste in being helped, or any displeasure at being left until the last. It is always proper at an informal meal to ask for a second cut, to say that rare or underdone beef is more to your taste than the more cooked portions. But one never asks twice for soup or fish; one is rarely helped twice at dessert. These dishes, also salad, are supposed to admit of but one helping– Tuolumne Independent, 1883

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

The Value of Etiquette

Frontier humorist, Bill Nye, more formally known as Edgar Wilson Nye, was the first editor of the “Laramie Boomerang.” He named the Wyoming paper for his mule, because of what he described as the “eccentricity of his orbit.”

A Dissertation on the Folly of Indistinct Introduction and Kindred Topics

There seems to be a growing tendency on the part of the average American toward what I may be pardoned for calling the anonymous or incognito introduction. This introduction generally starts off in a fortissimo strain that if kept up throughout the recital would herald the names of both parties to the uttermost parts of the earth. Then the piano and diminuendo strain comes.

That is the reason we are acquainted with so many people whose names we do not know. A man steps up to you in a crowd somewhere in one of those quiet little town meetings where it is a mark of great conversational genius to talk steadily onward without using the mind, and says: "Pardon me, I want to make you two people acquainted. You ought to know each other. You are both friends of mine. Mr. _________, Mr.  _________. There, now you are acquainted!" 

Why a man should write a long letter and write it plainly, signing it at the end with a name that would have bothered Daniel to decipher, is more than I can understand. It is the same style of peculiarity as the anonymous introduction exactly. I may be a little careless about my penmanship while writing in a great hurry, trying to keep up with my surging thoughts, but I most always sign my name so that it can be deciphered. I have written letters where the signature was the only thing that was absolutely beyond the possibility of doubt. But if a man signs his name so that you can write to him and ask him what the balance of his letter was about, it is better than a long beautifui letter from unknown and unknowable person. In the latter case you are left to kick the empty air.

Some day when I get more time I am going to prepare a long, treatise upon etiquette and deliver it to the American people, illustrated by one of those stereopticons. Etiquette has been a life-long study for me. It is a thing that has engrossed my attention from my earliest boyhood, and it shows. itself at once in my polished manners and easy running carriage.

At table especially our American people need a great deal of training. Wherever I go I am struck with our sad need of careful training. As a country we need careful instructions in our manners, more especially at hotels. Only the other day, at the table d'hote, I heard a man ask for half a dozen buckwheat cakes, and when they came to him he moistened the tips of his fingers in a finger-bowl and ran over the cakes as he would a roll of currency if he was the assistant cashier in a National bank. Another man at the same table was asked to pass the pepper- box and he took it with his thumb on the bottom and his two first fingers on the top, just as he had been in the habit of moving a stack of chips from the ace to the deuce, no doubt for years.

So we as a people crowd our vocations to the front and we are not able to banish our trades and professions even at table. We should try to overcome this, and there are many other features of our national etiquette which we need to change. Only last week I saw a fine-looking young man sit at a hotel table combing his mustache with his fork, and while in a brown study the fork slipped out of the mustache and plunged with a sickening jab into his eye. We cannot be too careful in our intercourse with men to avoid all appearance of evil.

Etiquette always marks the true gentleman and makes him an object of curiosity, especially at a hotel. When you see a gentleman with whom you are not acquainted you should look upon him with genteel horror and shudder two times in rapid succession. This will convince a stranger that you have been reared with the greatest care and that your parents have taken special pains not to allow you to associate with vulgar people.

I started out to say a few words about the folly of indistinct introductions and wappy-jawed signatures, but I have wandered away, as I am apt to do, and I apologize, hoping that the genial and rosy-cheeked reader as she sits in her boudoir, on this glorious morning, looking more like a peri than any thing else I can think of, will forgive me. – By Bill Nye, in N. Y. Mercury, 1893

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Advice for “Vocal Culture”

I deny that a woman is formed by nature so as to be compelled to shriek in falsetto in order to throw her voice to the distance of five, ten or twenty rods. Good etiquette requires for our comfort and highest accomplishment a clear, strong, full use of the voice. 

A Plea for Voice Culture

A good deal is being done to educate the hands. In my opinion it is becoming a vital matter to also educate the voice, not for special purposes, but for everyday use. Women rarely use their lungs and throats wisely. I know many who can hardly be heard distinctly across a table. This is often affectation; more often it is a habit formed from a belief that a woman should not be loud voiced. It is not necessary to screech in order to be heard, that is if your voice has been discreetly used. 

A child's voice is generally pleasant until made unpleasant by bad habits or a bad spirit. But an unused, neglected voice, when driven to effort, makes a bad mess of it. I deny that a woman is formed by nature so as to be compelled to shriek in falsetto in order to throw her voice to the distance of five, ten or twenty rods. Good etiquette requires for our comfort and highest accomplishment a clear, strong, full use of the voice. 

There never was invented by art so charming an instrument as a beautiful throat. Yet how many voices are wretchedly cracked and squeaking. I am ambitious as a mother that each one of my children shall have fine vocal organs; well developed, well trained and delightful to be heard. That is, we should not only be able to talk to people all the way to them, but so as to delight them when we are heard.- Mary E. Spencer in St. Louis Globe-Democrat, 1892

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Points in Etiquette

You should exchange calls with individuals before inviting them to your house. – Gilded age silver calling card tray, with a playful pup chewing on a newspaper, dated May 4, 1891. The card tray is featured in the book, “What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...”

   

• Letters should never be crossed. 
• Letters of introduction should be brief.
• Always offer ladies the right arm.
• Ladies do not talk across the street.
• Never wait over fifteen minutes for a tardy guest.
• Walk around a lady’s train; don't step over it or on it.
• “Yours, etc...,” is a rude ending to letters as a rule.
• Say “Good-bye” on leaving, not “Good morning” or “Good evening.”
• In bowing, the inclination of the head alone is necessary.
• Much underscoring in a letter is vulgar and meaningless.
• A gentleman walking with a lady returns a bow made to her.
• Nothing is more vulgar than finery and jewelry out of place.
• It is the place of the one introduced to make the first remark.
• The custom of sending flowers to funerals is growing in disfavor.
• Don’t keep flowers for your friend’s coffins. Give them while living.
• Never pass an acquaintance without a salutation of recognition.
• Always speak to an acquaintance with a smile in your eye; avoid grinning.
• “Yours truly,” is the correct form for closing business but not friendly letters.
• Upon introduction, enter at once into conversation.
• Upon leaving a room, one bow shall include all.
• A call should not be less than fifteen minutes in length.
• A note requires as prompt an answer as a spoken question.
• Regrets in reply to invitations should contain the reason therefor.
• At table you are not required to thank the one who waits on you.
• You should exchange calls with individuals before inviting them to your house.
• The custom of leaving a blank margin on the left hand side of each page of a letter is obsolete. – San Jose Weekly Mercury, 1880

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

National Guard Battles Bad Manners

Then things grew warm, for if there is one thing that Captain Sullivan prides himself on it is his ability to behave as a gentleman, and as for his table etiquette- well, he just simply defies any one to prove that he is not on to the very latest wrinkles. Of course the captain’s friends have implicit faith in him and stand ready to back him against Ward McAllister if necessary, but then Adjutant Delaney’s have not, and they are making every possible use of Colonel Barry's insinuations. – Public domain image of the California National Guard logo

LACK OF MANNERS

Why a Captain May Not Be a Major

THIRD REGIMENT TROUBLES

One Officer Insinuates That Another May Eat Pie With a Knife

To be a member of the National Guard and not to be mixed up in some sort of internal row is considered the greatest kind of a disgrace just now.

First the Light Battery privates became mixed up with their superiors; then the boys over in Oakland took a hand in the affair and began to call each other choice and pet names and now a big dark war cloud is hovering over the Third Regiment.

It is over an election that the Third Regiment folks seem fated to quarrel.

The Legislature at the last session, perhaps with the purpose in view of providing additional attractions to the feminine eye during the summer encampments, created the office of junior major in each regiment in the State.

When the time came for the filling of the office in the Third Regiment two persons appeared up as aspirants for it.

One was William M. Sullivan, at present captain of Company D, and the other William P. Delaney, the present adjutant.

Immediately the officers took sides, and when a count of noses was made it was found that the Sullivan end was the stronger.

Then Colonel Barry waxed wroth. The colonel is a supporter of Delaney and it grieved him to learn that a majority of his subordinate officers was not in sympathy with him.

It was during Colonel Barry's angry moments that the great trouble started.

“Elect this fellow Sullivan major of my regiment,” exclaimed the colonel. “No, never while I have a thing to do with it,” and then in a quiet way he proceeded to make known his objections to the “fellow Sullivan.”

Among them were insinuations that “D” company’s captain was a bit short on manners. That he knew but little of table etiquette, and that were he to gain the coveted office the regiment, could never again shine socially.

Now had Colonel Barry made his remarks in the presence of his own friends only, or, better still, to himself in the secrecy of his boudoir, all might have gone well. But then he didn't. He made them in the presence of a number of people among whom were a few of Sullivan’s friends, and they of course immediately carried the tale to him.

Then things grew warm, for if there is one thing that Captain Sullivan prides himself on it is his ability to behave as a gentleman, and as for his table etiquette- well, he just simply defies any one to prove that he is not on to the very latest wrinkles. Of course the captain’s friends have implicit faith in him and stand ready to back him against Ward McAllister if necessary, but then Adjutant Delaney's have not, and they are making every possible use of Colonel Barry’s insinuations.

They recite the adjutant’s many acts of gallantry; tell of his dancing ability, the graceful manner in which he acts at table and of his captivating manners while in the company of the fair sex, and in the most sarcastic manner they inquire what Sullivan has to say for himself.

Then Sullivan’s friends take a turn at talking. They begin by denying all the charges against their man, and they take a shy at his opponent, but all this talk is doing little to solve the much-mooted question, and among the disinterested a doubt still exists as to whether Captain Sullivan be a man overburdened with good manners, or if he be one who eats pie with a knife, uses a napkin for a facecloth and wears his hat in a parlor, or Colonel Barry be a little hasty.

It has been found necessary to postpone the election in order to solve the knotty question, - San Francisco Call, 1893

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia