Gilded Age Dinner Table Etiquette

“Fish should be eaten with a silver fish-knife and fork.” – Not only were there special fish forks and knives for dining in the gilded age (to the far right and far left of the setting), there were special fish motif plate sets, as well.

Soup should be eaten with a table-spoon and not with a dessert-spoon, it would be out of place to use a dessert-spoon for that purpose. Dessert-spoons, as their name implies, are intended for other purposes, such as for eating fruit tarts, custard-puddings, etc..., or any sweet that is not sufficiently substantial to be eaten with a fork; but whenever a fork can be used it is best to use it.

Fish should be eaten with a silver fish-knife and fork.

All made dishes, such as quenelles, rissoles, patties, etc..., should be eaten with a fork only, and not with a knife and fork.

For sweetbreads and cutlets, etc..., a knife and fork are requisite; and, as a matter of course, for poultry, game, etc…

In eating asparagus, a knife and fork should be used, and the points should be cut off and eaten with a fork as is sea-kale, etc…

Salad should be eaten with a knife and fork, it is served on salad plates, which are placed beside the dinner-plates.

Cucumber is eaten off the dinner-plate, and not off a separate plate.

Peas should be eaten with a fork. 

Dîner à la Russe, is the Russian fashion introduced into society many years ago. The whole of the dinner is served from a side-table, no dishes whatever being placed on the table save dishes of fruit.— From “Manners and Rules of Good Society or Solecisms to be Avoided,” 1898

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Fish Knife Etiquette and Pretentions

“The fish knife is the epitome of gentility. With a scalloped shaped blade, the end is just pointy enough to pick small bones from a cooked fish, and the flat blade is useful for sliding between the flesh and skin.” - The fish knife, third from the right, is before the dinner and salad knives in the order of use at a Continental place setting. The fish course, in formal Continental dining, is always served before the main course and the salad course is always served afterward, just the opposite as in American dining.

Is the fish knife our most pretentious utensil?

Now largely forgotten, the fish knife comes from an age where table etiquette was front and centre, leading to nearly two hundred different eating utensils being designed for different courses and foods. Adopted by an aspiring middle class wishing to dine like the gentrified, the odd utensil was later targeted by high society as an object of ridicule, as Colin Bisset writes.

The fish knife is the epitome of gentility. With a scalloped shaped blade, the end is just pointy enough to pick small bones from a cooked fish, and the flat blade is useful for sliding between the flesh and skin.

The fish knife first appeared in the first half of the nineteenth century in Britain. Thanks to thriving industry and the wealth generated by an expanding Empire, the rising middle-classes aspired to a gentrified way of dining. From the 1850s, dinners were usually served a la russe, which meant as separate courses as opposed to the previous practice of putting all dishes on the table at the same time. This led to the introduction of a variety of implements to help distinguish the serving and eating of everything from oysters to elaborate puddings, making negotiating a dinner a nightmare for those lacking knowledge of table etiquette.

It was a boon for cutlery manufacturers who were able to not only to design and market nearly two hundred eating implements but several styles for each one. (Washing up after these long dinners was certainly an arduous task.) The fish knife was an object of fussy design, solving a problem that was not truly present. It is interesting that they managed to last so long when the other cutlery inventions of the Victorian table have largely vanished.

A fish knife was an essential component for the fish course and they were quickly adapted for dining tables across the newly industrialised world. Made from either plated or solid silver, because ordinary metal blades were believed to blacken when coming into contact with fish, they offered hosts the opportunity to show the world that they could afford to dine in the finest fashion. With ever-more fanciful shapes, some engraved with fish-scales, others as curvaceous as a fish itself, the maritime theme was de rigeur.

The thought of an ordinary silver knife being able to serve the purpose just as well seems to have been politely put to one side. A larger version was often part of a set for the filleting and serving of a fish meant for several diners.

By the end of the First World War, they fell from fashion, at least for the upper classes who had always found them rather vulgar and preferred to use two forks to fillet a fish. As the century progressed, they quickly became an object of ridicule. However, the invention of stainless steel in the 1920s meant that they could be manufactured cheaply and thus anyone who aspired to a posh kind of gentility would be in possession of a set.

Snobbish writers such as poet John Betjeman mocked their use, branding the utensil non-U (the term coined by Nancy Mitford to differentiate those with class from those with pretensions to it). Betjeman's famous poem of 1958 “How To Get On In Society” is a catalogue of names and terms used by the upwardly-mobile, at first sight gently mocking but actually (as Betjeman was) quite savage. 'Phone for the fish knives, Norman,' starts the poem, immediately highlighting a raft of non-U words: phone, fish knives and Norman.

The fish knife was an object of fussy design, solving a problem that was not truly present. It is interesting that they managed to last so long when the other cutlery inventions of the Victorian table have largely vanished.

A visit to any antique shop will however always turn up many sets—many will never have been used. Perhaps, like the fondue set and the parfait dish, their time will come again. They might indeed be reclaimed as symbols for the class warrior and those who despise the snobbism implicit in certain objects.

They remain, however, as an interesting throwback to a time when how one ate was almost more important than what one ate.— By Colin Bisset for Design, 2013

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Historic Place Settings 1855-2005

Great Historic Places to See: 

150 Years of Place Settings in the United States

from 1955 to 2005

Created by Maura J Graber and Eda Bierman

These historically accurate place settings from 1855 to 2005, along with their accompanying stories and menus, were created by Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia Site Editor, Maura J Graber, and theme event designer, Eda Bierman. The nine “Great Historic Places to See” were created for, and shown at, the 2006 “Designs for Dining” fundraiser, held yearly in Palos Verdes Estates. 

1910's setting (above) was a favorite. At a presentation given that afternoon for the event and viewing, the settings were explained in full, including the flatware, dishes and glassware for them. Here are a few examples below: 

• In this setting above, one can see a fish knife and matching fish fork. In the Victorian and Edwardian eras, “fish sets” like these were considered utensils for parvenus or the newly rich, who clearly had not yet developed good taste or good table manners. 
  Fish sets were seen as a frivolous novelty. Those with ancient pedigrees, or “old money,” ate their fish with a fork in each hand. But in Britain and Europe, old money was slowly being propped up by new money coming in from the United States and Americans had fallen in love with all of the new utensils invented during the Victorian era. Americans, by and large, had no such issue with their fish or flatware.

• The “green swirl” Depression glass plate in the 1925 place setting, is a bit early (at least 4 years early for the Great Depression), however, colorful glassware had been popular for some time by 1925, so we took artistic license in our choice.

• The 1955 place setting was for a Bridge Luncheon and the cigarettes, matches and ashtray all reflect the fact that in the mid-20th century, smoking was not only condoned, but enabled at the dining table. Etiquette required that each properly set place setting, or cover, provided a minimum of 3 cigarettes, a lighter or matches and an ashtray.

• Photos shown here were taken at various times throughout the day. Though we tried to keep them from doing so, some attendees picked up a few of the cards to get a closer look, or moved pieces of the flatware after checking to see who the maker was, and for that reason not all of the setting's pieces are exactly where they should be in the photos.

That's Eda Bierman on the left and Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia Site Editor, Maura J. Graber, peeking over her shoulder, as attendees view the settings and read the menus and story cards.

1855's Setting 

1875's Setting

1910's Setting

1925's Setting

1940's Setting

1955's Setting

1970's Setting

1995's Setting

2005's Setting

Etiquette and the Ceremonial Observances of Society

Polite conduct is not necessarily more exclusive than correct speaking.

It is quite a mistake to suppose that the ceremonial observances of society are merely a set of edicts arbitrarily established by the capricious tyrant, Fashion, for the government only of her slavish subjects. Polite conduct is not necessarily more exclusive than correct speaking. The laws of the one are indeed, like those of the other, founded upon the usage of the refined few, but there is no better reason why these should enjoy a monopoly of good manners than of good grammar. 

There are many, however, who seem to think that social ceremonies are so many frivolous afiectations by which the wealthy or fashionable strive to raise themselves to a factious elevation above others, and consequently refuse all observance of them with scorn. It is an unfortunate thing for general culture when the many acquire such a prejudice against the few that in their aversion to their pretentious superiority they reject their real excellence. 

The small class of the rich and refined have time to cultivate the elegancies of life; and although, in the excess of their leisure, they superadded a variety of frivolous ceremonies, their example in what is practically useful should be followed. Wesley used to say, when advocating the adaptation of the music of the opera and theatre to the sacred songs of the Church, that he did not know why the devil should have all the best tunes. We may ask, with equal reason, why Fashion should have all the good manners, and elevation above others, and consequently refuse all observance of them with scorn. 

It would be easy to show that many ceremonious observances which appear at first sight frivolous are founded upon a solid basis of common sense. Consider, for example, that rule of the dinner-table, "Do not ask twice for soup," This appears at first sight both silly and arbitrary. It is, however, a very sensible ordinance, and is to be justified by the laws of health, and the general comfort and convenience. The soup, being a fluid substance, can easily be absorbed in small quantities, and, thus taken, is a good reason for ceremony, and preparative for the solidities of the dinner. 

If, however, the stomach is deluged with it, the appetite and digestion become weakened, and there is neither the inclination to eat nor the power to digest the more substantial food essential to the due nutrition of the body. As for the convenience or comfort of the single-plate rule, no one can deny it who has ever looked upon an array of hungry guests whose eager appetite for the coming roast has been forced to an impatient delay by some social monster capable of asking twice for soup. The cook in the meantime is, of course, thrown out in his calculations, and the dish, when it does come at last, is either spoiled by overcooking, or cold from being withdrawn so long from the fire. The guests thus are not only tried in temper by a protracted expectation, but balked of their anticipated enjoyment.

The advantage of not putting the knife in the mouth will be obvious, we suppose, to all who are conscious that the one can cut and the other is capable of being cut. There is an excellent chemical reason for that other table rule which forbids the use of a knife of steel with the fish, the ordinary sauces of which combine with the metal, and produce a composition neither wholesome nor appetizing.

A sampling from Bazaar's "Book of Decorum"

Italian Dining Etiquette

If you're in Italy, most likely a large amount of your time will be spent eating. Make sure you do it right and read the do's and don'ts of the Italian dining table. 

Since Italian writer, Monsignor Giovanni Della Casa, published his 1558 treatise "The Galateo of Giovanni della Casa" (the word for "etiquette" in Italian is still "il galateo") on polite behavior in the 16th century, etiquette has become an important part of Italian society. It was the first of the modern books on etiquette that was not written for a special class of people. Centuries later, Alberto Presutti is convinced that etiquette still holds the key to "an effective communication between each one of us".  

Alberto Presutti, a Florence-based etiquette instructor who offers courses on anything from dining to business etiquette, gave The Local his tips on Italian dining…

Don't arrive early or on time. Fashionably late is the norm, as Italians are not famed for their punctuality. It pays to remember this fact when you’re invited to a dinner party. “Always arrive a few minutes after the appointed time – never before,” advises Presutti. “Take for granted that your host will still be preparing the food.”

"Buon Appetito" is likely one of the first expressions you learn in Italian. It's also one of the first you should forget.

One of the first phrases you may have learned in Italian is “buon appetito”; it’s also the first one you should forget. “Wishing someone ‘buon appetito’ in Italy is impolite,” says Presutti. “This is because in Italian courts in medieval times, the prince would sometimes offer banquets to his best servants and wish them “buon appetito” – meaning: ‘eat as much as you can because you may not be invited to another feast if you don’t behave yourselves.” Coincidentally, Etiquipedia has heard that this is the case in France as well. So forget the French phrase "bon appétit" if visiting there.

Place napkins on your lap only after the food has been brought to the table.

Hands should be seen. “Wrists should be on the table, but never your elbows. And don’t cross your hands,” warns Presutti. “That’s considered rude - it may look to others as if you’re hiding something," or even - God forbid - "touching yourself".

Regarding napkins, says Presutti, “These should be placed on your lap only after the food has been brought to the table. Use one by all means to wipe your mouth, but take care that the dirty part of your napkin is hidden.”

Regarding bread, rolls or breadsticks, Presutti advises “In Italy, we are big bread-eaters,” says Presutti. “It must always be served on a small plate to the left of your main plate, and broken off rather than cut with a knife – it’s the Christian way.” Stuffing yourself with bread before the meal arrives should be avoided. Presutti suggests nibbling on some grissini (breadsticks), which looks more elegant, if you really can’t wait to eat.

This knife and fork set, while unusual, is obviously for the fish course.

Always try to reach for the right fork. “In Italy, fish must be served with a special three-pronged fork and a knife similar to a butter knife,” says Presutti. However, he warns, don’t whatever you do use the knife to cut the fish. “The purpose of the knife is to remove the skin of the fish – you can use the fork to cut the flesh.”

Most people know that food and wine in Italy are like yin and yang. Don’t expect to have one at a meal without the other. “You’ll find that the wine will only be brought out with the food. This is because each wine is designed to go with a specific dish. Red wine will always be served with meat, whereas white wine will always be produced for fish –because it has a more delicate taste.”

Forget about your diet. “Being on a diet and having a meal are considered a contradiction in terms - so avoid mentioning to the host that you’re trying to lose weight,” says Presutti. Having said that, you will be forgiven for declining dessert. If you’re a vegetarian, you may be happier visiting a different country altogether: “In Italy, vegetarians are regarded as aliens from another planet.” And take note that a gathering with Italians can tend to be a bit noisy, with several people all speaking at the same time and talking over one another. Culturally, this is normal Italian social interaction and should not be mistaken for rudeness.

As with dining in any other country, watch your host. “You should only pick up your cutlery when the most important person in the room starts eating,” recommends Presutti. “At a private dinner party, this could be the hostess or simply the oldest guest at the table. At a business lunch, it would be the boss.” However, he adds, “in a restaurant, it’s fine to start first if your meal arrives before the others.”

With regard to the head of the table; “In Britain, hosts will nearly always sit at the far ends of a table - but in Italy, they sit in the middle of the longer sides of the table,” says Presutti. What if it’s a round table? “Imagine that there’s an invisible line going through the centre: the hosts will sit at either end.”

The main article referenced for this post appeared in Italy's, "The Local"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia