Gilded Age Ball and Music Etiquette

At fashionable private balls in New York houses, an orchestra of stringed instruments, or one of the famous Hungarian bands, discourses sweet music for the entire evening from behind a screen of palms and tropical plants. – Photo: Alison Cohen Rosa/Courtesy of HBO via X / Twitter

It is no longer the fashion to have a formal opening, a “Grand March,” or anything of that sort for balls given in private houses or even in halls or assembly rooms, except in the case of a few functions given by clubs and military organizations. The dancing begins as soon as half a dozen or so couples have arrived. 

Naturally, the bigger the ball the larger the orchestra engaged to play for the festivities. At fashionable private balls in New York houses, an orchestra of stringed instruments, or one of the famous Hungarian bands, discourses sweet music for the entire evening from behind a screen of palms and tropical plants. For a smaller dance an orchestra of three or four pieces is all that is necessary, while for informal affairs and small country dances the piano alone can be made to suffice. 

The waltz and the two-step, varied by an occasional set of lancers and the cotillion, sometimes called the german, are about all the dances that society cares to indulge in at present. When the cotillion is danced it usually begins directly after supper, unless the entire evening is to be devoted to it. – Copyright, 1905, by A. S. Barnes & Co.

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Follow Etiquette on Dance Floor

Men, do not spend the entire evening with one partner. As a courtesy, invite the hostess to dance and her daughter or sister.

Rules of etiquette always should be followed when on the dance floor

Just like any other sport or social function, there also are good manners in dancing. According to Arthur Murray Dance Studios, the following etiquette should be observed; 

• Clap at the end of each dance for the band and for your partner. 
• Be concerned with others on the floor besides yourself.
• Dance in line of dance 
• Rock steps are to be kept under one’s own body. 
• Control of arms is a must.
• Men, do not spend the entire evening with one partner. As a courtesy, invite the hostess to dance and her daughter or sister. 
• Ladies, do not refuse one gentleman and then accept another, nor tie strings by holding on to him. 
• Men, escort your partner back to her seat and thank her for the pleasure of the dance.
• Ladies, always precede the man to the dance floor. – Desert Sun, 1988

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Ball Etiquette and the Patroness

 A ball's patronesses should see, as far as possible, that the proper introductions are made, and that every one is enjoying the evening, their own pleasure coming last. 

The Duties of, and Details on, Patronesses at Balls

It is customary for the management of any institution giving a public ball to formally invite six, eight, or more married women to act as patronesses, and for their names to appear on the invitations. If badges are worn, each patroness is sent one or given one at the ball-room. The patronesses, after being welcomed at the ball by the management committees, take their places, ready to receive the guests. The Committee of Arrangements should look after the patronesses, introduce distinguished guests to them, escort them to supper and finally to their carriages.

Their duties are varied and responsible – among them, the subscription to the expenses of the entertainments. The patronesses should be divided into various committees to attend to special duties – as, music, caterers, supper arrangements, the ball-room, and all other details. While affairs of this kind could be left in the hands of those employed to carry out the details, it is better and safer for each committee to follow the various matters out to the smallest details.

Those devising new features and surprises for such an occasion will give the most successful ball. The one most active and having the best business ability should take the lead. Lists should be compared, in order to avoid duplicate invitations. The tickets should be divided among the patronesses, who, in turn, distribute them among their friends.

The patronesses should be at the ball-room in ample time before the arrival of the guests, to see that all is in readiness. They should stand together beside the entrance to welcome the guests. They should see, as far as possible, that the proper introductions are made, and that every one is enjoying the evening, their own pleasure coming last. 

If time permits, a hasty introduction to the patroness beside her may be made by a patroness, but it should not be done if there is the slightest possibility of blocking up the entrance. A nod of recognition here and there, or a shake of the hands with some particular friend, is all that is necessary. Prolonged conversation should be avoided.

A patroness should not worry over the affair, or leave anything to be done at the last minute. If she has to worry, she should not show it, lest she interfere with the pleasure of others. They should be the last to leave as well as the first to arrive, to see that the affair closes brilliantly. – From a variety of sources, including "The Book of Manners"

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Supper Etiquette at Balls

Courtesy toward his hostess and consideration for his friends demands that a man who can dance should do so. To accept an invitation to a ball and then refuse to dance shows that a man is lacking in good breeding. A man finding few friends at a ball should ask some friend, or the hostess, to introduce him to some women whom he can invite to dance. It is an act of discourtesy for a man not to request a dance of a woman to whom he has been introduced. A man escorting a woman to a ball should agree where to meet her after they have each left their wraps at the dressing-rooms.

SUPPER: The senior patroness leads the way to supper, escorted by the man honored for the occasion.

If one large table is provided, the men, assisted by the waiters, serve the women. When small tables are used, the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her table, she should provide a partner for him, and in case of a previous engagement, he should notify her by mail.

WOMEN: A woman should always keep any engagement made, if possible. If, for a good reason, it is desired to break one, she should do so in ample time to enable the man to secure a partner. — The Book of Good Manners

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