Retro Etiquette for Teens and Telephones

Dick Clark's Teen Etiquette Advice Book

Regarding fighting over the phone, from the chapter Alexander Graham Bell:

I certainly haven't looked into the situation very deeply, but one friend of mine maintains that people fight more easily on the telephone then they do in person. There's a kind of sense to his remarks, however, but I find it hard to slough off. Since what you say on the telephone is not accompanied -- for the benefit of the person listening -- with the hand motions, eye motions, or lip motions that also communicate what you're feeling, there's a big danger that you will be misunderstood. Hunch your shoulders, look dismayed, and say, "But I told you I can't go to the movies tomorrow!" And what you're actually saying is, "Much as I'd really like to be with you, I don't see any way that I can make it, and I feel worse than you do about having to refuse the date." The hunched shoulders and look of dismay are missing from the telephone impression; what your friend might receive can sound pretty much like this:  "Look, I've got other things to do, and you keep nagging me about this unimportant movie date. Get off my back!" The old adage, think before you speak, is pretty important anytime, especially when you're on the telephone. 

The old adage, think before you speak, is pretty important anytime, especially when you're on the telephone. 

My friend also says — and again I find it hard to disagree — that people are bolder on the telephone than they are in person. In one way, that's good it sure is easier to invite a gorgeous girl to the junior prom by telephone then in person. If you've been scared that she'll turn you down. But in another way, it makes for heap of trouble I think we've all been guilty, at one time or another, of telling someone off via the Alexander Graham Bell in terms that we wouldn't dare use in a face to face meeting. Is it so? Now that's something to think on while you're waiting for your next dial tone! — From Dick Clark's 1963 etiquette advice book for teens, "To Goof or Not To Goof"  

Because you can't see people's faces by telephone (at present that is, but science promises to remedy this drawback very soon) your voice and what you say are very important.

Basic Manners ~
On the Telephone

Telephones are not walkie talkies for barking orders and emergency messages. When you play or received a telephone call, it's almost like greeting a guest at the door. Because you can't see people's faces by telephone (at present that is, but science promises to remedy this drawback very soon) your voice and what you say are very important.

When you answer the phone -- Say "Hello" in a pleasant voice. Don't say "Yes?" impatiently, or -- like a junior butler --- "Jimmy Jones' residence!"

If the call is for you, say "This is Jimmy speaking"; not "This is me."

If the call is for someone else in the family, say "Just a moment, please, and I'll call him." Then don't give out with an ear splitting scream, but go find the other person and tell him he's wanted on the phone.

When you are called to the phone, start by saying "Hello," instead of "Who is it?"

When the call is for someone who isn't home, say "My mother isn't at home; may I take a message?" Never hesitate to ask for the spelling of someone's name. Say, "Will you please spell your name for me?" if you're not sure of it.

    

Science's remedy to the drawback of not being able to see people's faces over the phone ~ the videophone.

When the doorbell rings when you're talking on the phone, say "Excuse me," answer the door and --- if they are friends -- invite them in, then return to the phone and tell your caller you'll have to call him back later.

The person who places a call should be the first to say goodbye. If you find this difficult at times, try saying "I have to finish my homework now" or "I have to go now; someone else wants to use the phone." You should limit the length of your telephone calls to five or six minutes and call your friends at reasonable times: never before breakfast or after 9 p.m. unless it's an emergency. —From "Stand up, Shake hands, Say 'How Do You Do' ~ What boys need to know about today's manners" 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

More Vintage Etiquette for Teen Boys

Helping others with their seats is always a polite start to a meal. 

How to Be Invited Back Again for Meals

Sit up straight at the table with your chest a few inches away from the table edge. Lean forward slightly when you bring food up to your mouth; then if anything drops, it will land on the plate, not on your shirt.

Avoid unpleasant topics about health, accidents, the cost of the food you're eating, or personal feuds... 

Take part in table conversation. You don't have to entertain or give reports, but listen and try to contribute to the talk; then everyone will enjoy having you there. Avoid unpleasant topics about health, accidents, the cost of the food you're eating, or personal feuds with other members of the family.

When you pass your plate for a second helping, put your knife and fork side-by-side; and far enough from the edge of the plate so they won't fall off.

Chew your food without noise and without smacking your lips… 

Before talking or drinking from the glass, chew and swallow all the food in your mouth, then wipe your lips with your napkin.

Chew your food without noise and without smacking your lips, even if it's your favorite dish. The secret of this talent is to put on your fork only the amount of food your mouth can accommodate. Its very uncomfortable to chew an oversized piece of meat until it's whittled down to swallowing size.

Keep your elbows off the table while eating. Between courses, it's perfectly okay to rest your wrists on the table, but not to lounge.

Don't circle a plate with your arms as if the Indians were attacking!

Don't use your own spoon, fork, or knife to serve yourself from main dishes such as the sugar bowl, the butter dish, the chop platter, or the vegetable dish.

Don't lean on the chairs next to you, and don't tilt back on your own -- it could be a fragile antique on its last legs.

Don't reach across the table or in front of another person. Just ask to have the food passed by mentioning the name of the person you are asking -- otherwise, everyone at the table has to stop and look for what you want.

When you are being served, you don't have to say "Thank you" to a waiter or a maid. You never take the whole dish or platter that is being offered, but simply serve yourself a portion using the serving spoon and fork in the dish. Then you put them back on the platter or dish with the fork on the bottom of the spoon, face down, over the fork. You can expect to be served from your left side, and to have plates removed from your right side. You don't have to greet the maid serving you unless you know her well, then a cheery "Hello Mary" is more than welcome.

Don't eat and run.

At the end of dinner, wait to be excused before you leave the table. If you must leave the table before the end of the meal for personal reasons, don't give excuses, simply say, "Please excuse me" or "May I please be excused?" Then leave your napkin, slightly crumbled, beside your plate on the table, not on the seat of your chair.

At parties or larger dinners, wait for the hostess to signal that the meal is over by putting down her napkin and rising. No one is supposed to do either one before she does.

If a woman or girl leaves the table briefly during dinner, only the man or boy on her left rises to help her with her chair; and it's usually only a half-rise as a courteous gesture.

Leave your plate where it is when you have finished eating. Don't push it in toward the center of the table. In fact, don't rearrange any dishes on the table with the exception of the fingerbowl served on the dessert plate.

In leaving the table, help the same girl or woman you seated at the beginning of the meal. Stand behind her chair, then pull it back gently and she slides out from the right side.

Source ~ Marjabelle Young and Ann Buchwald's 1969, 

Stand up, Shake hands, Say "How Do You Do" ~ What boys need to know about today's manners  

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Vintage Etiquette for 'Tween or Teen Boys

From Another Vintage Book on the Etiquipedia© Library Shelves 

"Some Kind Thoughts" from Stand Up, Shake Hands, Say"How do you do?" Vintage etiquette advice for teen boys.

Some Kind Thoughts

When you are around handicapped people, the hardest but most important thing is to treat them like everyone else. Don't change the way you normally talk or act. In other words; be yourself as much as you can. Also, keep these facts in mind:

Blind people are not deaf, so you don't have to talk louder. When you're talking to a blind person, use his name as often as possible, because that is his only way of knowing you're addressing him.  When you first meet a blind person, even if he knows you well, identify yourself: Say, "Hi, I'm Jim Jones." or "Hello, Mrs. Smith — Margy Brown." And always tell a blind person what you are offering him: "Here's your sandwich, Bill." or "This is the iced tea you wanted, Mrs. Johnson."

Deaf people prefer to read lips or to follow their own methods of hearing you; so don't raise your voice around them. Always keep your head turned toward a deaf person when you are speaking, although you don't have to keep your eyes focused on him. Never point out to a newcomer that someone is deaf — it doesn't help anyone or anything.

“You're off to a pal's for a while. You're going to buy some bicycle tape. It's important to let your parents know -- they relax when they're sure of what you're up to.” 

Say good morning — or at least "Hi" to each member of your family when you first see him in the morning. Answer when your spoken to — Say, "Yes, mother."; "No, mother."; "Yes, dad."; "No, dad." instead of Yah, Unhuh, Nope, and Naw, which are noises, not words.

Say hello to your father when he comes home from work — Just a simple, "Hi, dad" as he takes off his coat reminds him of what he's working for —  you, mostly.

Let your family know when you come and go — You're home and all's well. You're off to a pal's for a while. You're going to buy some bicycle tape. It's important to let your parents know — they relax when they're sure of what you're up to. The more cooperative you are about your plans, the more cooperative they'll be.

Replace what you borrow — and believe it or not, others will do the same for you!

Say "Sorry" when you bump into someone, step on a toe, or get in someone's way — and that goes for young and old, male and female victims.

Stand up when your mother comes into a room and offer her a chair if she's going to sit down. Hold her chair for her when she comes to the dining room table. Then you'll remember to do this for other women.

Open doors for your mother and sisters — for all women, as a matter of fact, and let them go ahead of you.

Carry packages for your mother or any other woman you're walking with.  This includes sisters.

Say "Thank you" and "Please" when you ask for something or get it. These may have been your first words of good manners, but no matter how tall in the saddle you get, they're still your most powerful weapons.

Pay your debts, even if it's only a dime you owe your little sister. It's the only way to avoid becoming a dead beat, a beggar, or a bad risk. If you're broke, offer to do an errand or a chore; then pay what you owe on the spot.

Observe others' privacy — and you'll get the privacy you want for your own room, possessions, mail, books, or collections.

When you share a room, do your share of housekeeping — particularly in the bathroom. Hang up towels, put your own stuff where it belongs, and clean the bathtub before you leave.

Say goodnight to your parents when you're ready to go to bed. You don't believe in ghosts anymore, so why disappear like one yourself?

 Source ~ Marjabelle Young Stewart’s and Ann Buchwald's 1969, 

Stand up, Shake hands, Say "How Do You Do" ~ What boys need to know about today's manners

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©  Etiquette Encyclopedia