Cross Cultural Etiquette in 1985

Many things have changed, and have gone in and out of fashion over the past 40 years, but good manners are always in style. Social media is full of etiquette and cross cultural tips. It pays in many ways to study up on any possible cultural differences before you travel to another country. – Image source, Instagram

Time To Get Some Etiquette

I’ll bet you think you already know good manners. You put your napkin on your lap, keep your elbows off the table in fact, you probably know how to behave perfectly, if you must. But here comes the hitch – manners are different in every country! Oh no! How are you supposed to know what to do in Hong Kong? Or India? Or Germany? 

Here are a few rules to follow:

• Let's say you've just arrived in Hong Kong. You want to say. “Hi! How are you?” to the hotel clerk. Since Hong Kong is a British colony, they understand English greetings, but it is better to use Chinese greetings. So, like the Chinese, you say “Have you eaten rice yet?”
• Next you go to India. Better stop whistling. it’s rude to whistle in India! You better not slap your Indian pals on the backs either; they don’t see it as a friendly gesture like we do.
• Now you're in Germany. Don’t cut your fish and potatoes with a knife. Just use a fork. If you want to chew gum, you better do it in private. It’s impolite to chew in public. Most people don't wear sneakers except for playing sports; so put away your Nikes!
• Let’s go to Egypt now. When’s dinner? Sometimes Egyptians don't eat till 10:30, or even later! You'll probably get lots of food once you do get served, though. Don’t feel pressure to eat everything on your plate. The host might think you didn't get enough.

Don't worry about remembering all these rules, though. You'll do fine in any country if you pay attention to what people there do. – Julie Langsdorf in Pennywhistle Press, 1985

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Black Forest Table Etiquette

The Black Forest, or "Schwarzwald," as it is called in German, is not precisely a land unknown to American tourists, though it is not so well known as it deserves. Pedestrians find it a kind of paradise in good weather. No part of Europe is better situated for excursions.

European Letter —

One of the best centres in the Black Forest is Frieberg, where there is an excellent hotel—the "Schwarzwald," — in an excellent situation. From this point the tourist can branch out in all directions. It has a railway station, and the line of the railway from Frieberg to Hausach is one of the most remarkable pieces of engineering in Europe, and quite as remarkable as the Semmering between Vienna and Gratz. Frieberg is famous for clocks and watches; and it is to be remarked that over one of the largest clock-making establishments in the village there is a large clock which has no hands, and that, almost without exception, every clock to be seen in the hotels or other places is either stopped altogether, or is entirely wrong as to the time.

The etiquette of German bathing places is very peculiar. In one of them the following is written in French on the bedroom doors; "Those persons recently arrived will place themselves at the foot of the table. A bather desiring to have a visiting friend near him at the table, may be accorded this privilege for one repast only. Such favors as selecting a place of his own choice, passing immediately to the head of the table, or of sitting opposite whom one pleases, will not be accorded for the reason that they would result in the juxtaposition of persons not agreeable to one another." 

The advancement to the head of the table is not coveted merely as a matter of distinction; for it includes the appreciable advantage of a first presentation of dishes at dinner and supper; and the difference of a plate as it comes from the chef, and the same plate when it has passed a file of hungry Germans, male and female, after their kind, is very marked. But the final right to sit opposite whom one pleases has possibly a more romantic signification, and may be intended as a check on the too ardent gallantry of susceptible youths who want to sit opposite the prettiest girls. – From C. A. S. in The Marin Journal, 1878

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Drives Princess Away

Caroline found the rigid Weimar court etiquette intolerable. The court was generally considered to be one of the most stifling and etiquette-driven in Germany. A source recounts: "It envelops royalty there in a species of captivity, and while the grand duke lends thereto and is too conservative to admit of any change, it crushes with its trammels the more spirited members of the family." 

Princess Driven to Flee 

From Grand Duke's Side by Tyranny 

She Leaves the Court of Weimar Without Notice

(Special to The Herald) 

Berlin, Aug. 11, 1903 —

Court tyranny has driven the Grand Duchess of Saxe-Weimar from the side of her young husband. Without a word as to why or where she was going, the Duchess has fled from the palace at Weimar. 

It was only three months ago that Caroline, the daughter of Prince Henry of Reuss XXII, married the Grand Duke William Ernest of Saxe-Weimar. It was looked upon as a pure love match, and continental papers devoted much space to the romance. This sudden turn of affairs has created consternation in court circles. 

The Grand Duke is said to be beside himself with annoyance. For several years a certain clique has predominated in the court at Saxe-Weimar. When the Grand Duke and the Grand Duchess returned from their honeymoon, these ladies set out to instruct the young lady, who is just 19 years old, in court etiquette as observed at Saxe-Weimar. 

The Princess, who is quite unconventional, resented this supervision. When she rebelled, this influential clique appears to have made trouble for her, and the Princess, finding she was a slave at her own court, took flight. 

The role played by the Grand Duke is not clear, but it appears that the overbearing courtiers are more than a match for him. One report has it that the Princess fled to Switzerland. It is certain that the Grand Duke has had all trains for Switzerland watched, and reports made to him. He even went so far as to take the train himself in following one of the rumors that his wife had been located. 

The German papers deal with the matter with much reserve, but in a way to leave no doubt regarding the general outlines of the story. The Reichsbote, one of the most conservative journals in Berlin, publishes a brief account. The Lokalanzeiger, a semi-official organ, discusses the affair in its court and society columns. The Tageblatt comments as follows: "The Grand Duchess, like every other woman, wants to be mistress of her own home, and the probable end of the conflict will be changes in the grand ducul household staff." — The Los Angeles Herald,1903

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette in Germany

Celebrating Oktoberfest in Munich 

Punctuality 

Germans are extremely punctual, and even a few minutes’ delay can offend someone. Be on time! Better yet? Be five to 10 minutes early for important appointments and be sure to call the people you are meeting if you are for any reason going to be late.   

It is polite to bring flowers if you’re invited to a German home for coffee and cake or some other social occasion. If the flowers are wrapped in paper, remember to take off the wrapping just before you enter the home. 

Greetings  

Practice saying "Guten Tag" and "Auf Wiedersehen." When customers enter shops in Germany, especially the smaller outlets, they greet everyone in the shop. The same is true of doctors’ waiting rooms. 

Handshakes

Shaking hands is an important part of German culture. It is customary to shake someone's hand when meeting them for the first time, and at every subsequent meeting too. It is very common for a person who is joining a group to shake hands with every single individual.

At business meetings, and even at some social meetings, it's customary for each participant say their name and shake everyone else's hand upon arriving, and then again when leaving. 

Kissing

When close friends greet each other, it is common to kiss both the left and right cheeks. However, this is considered inappropriate in a business setting.   

Though cheek-kissing in Germany isn't quite as ingrained as it is in France or some other European nations, it can still be quite daunting for visitors who hail from cultures where personal space is considered more sacred.

Names, 'Sie' and 'Du'

The formal and informal forms of address for the German language are Sie and du, respectively. The finer points of using Sie and du can take a lot of experience to learn, but below are some helpful tips:

The formal Sie is always used together with the last name, for example Herr Schmidt or Frau Fischer. Store clerks, business acquaintances and strangers are always addressed with the Sie form. Telephone calls also always require the "Sie" form if you do not know the person on the other end. 

When introducing yourself, it is common to give only your last name, or you can give your full name. Introducing oneself with only the first name indicates that you want to be addressed with the informal du, which may be inappropriate for some situations.

Don't assume you are on a "first name basis." To call someone by their first name, unless they have offered to be addressed by you with the informal du, or if they use du and your first name when speaking with you, is considered impolite.

It is generally the older person, or person of higher rank, who offers to switch from Sie to du. After they get to know you, they may do this by re-introducing themselves and using their first name.

If you're unsure which form to use, listen for which form of address the person is using with you. Then you can comfortably use the same form with him or her.

Du is used among younger people and friends, as well as for children. It is used together with the first name. In private, the older person suggests using the informal "du" to the younger person. 

In the business world, the higher ranking person – regardless of age and sex – would always be the one to suggest switching to "du." A nice intermediate step is to address a person by their first name but then use the formal "Sie." Always ask, however, before you decide to take this step. If you’re not on a first-name basis in German, you can still switch when speaking English. Just don’t forget to switch back when you are speaking in German.

It is polite to address everyone by their family name and "Sie." Do not leave off double-barreled names, such as Frau Müller-Weber. Names are inserted into conversation after every few sentences. 

What about "Fräulein"?  This is an outdated form of addressing young women. Nowadays, rather than being seen as polite, it can also be offensive. Just use the normal "Frau Müller." "Frau" is the equivalent of the English "Ms."

 Titles 

If you are in doubt of titles, it is advisable to ask. Titles of nobility belong to an individual’s name –such as Fürstin von Metternich. Academic titles also belong to the name, such as Herr Doktor Müller or Frau Professor Weise.

Seating in Restaurants  

It is common to share tables with perfect strangers when restaurants are full and very busy. Before you do so, however, always point to the free seat and ask, "Ist dieser Platz noch frei?" (Is this seat free?).  

It is polite to wish the other diners at the table with you "Guten Appetit." But don’t expect any further conversation with others at the table. It may be very welcome, but you shouldn’t force it. When you leave, be sure to bid farewell to your table companions.

A Bavarian restaurant.

German Table Manners:

You certainly may continue to hold your eating utensils (besteck) the American way, but Europeans find the American way of eating rather inefficient. (You may get some stares.) They find all that switching hands and picking up and putting down the knife a bit too complicated. Here’s the German/European way of using a knife and fork: 

1. Hold the fork in your left hand, the knife in your right hand.
2. Keep both in your hands while eating. Don’t put the knife or fork down except to drink or pick up bread. The knife (in your right hand) is also used to help discreetly guide food onto your fork (in your left hand).
3. Do not cut up an entire piece of meat at once. Cut off a bite-size piece and eat it before you cut off another piece.
4. If there are more utensils than just a knife and fork (salad fork, dessert spoon, etc.), the rule is simple: Move inward from the outside for each course. Sometimes spoons are placed above the plate rather than on the side.
5. When finished, lay your knife and fork side by side on your plate pointing to the center, with the handles on the lower right rim (five o’clock position).

Finger Foods?

Nein! Germans and other Europeans rarely eat with their hands. Especially in a fine restaurant or in a formal/semiformal dining situation. Even pizza is eaten with a knife and fork. However, if you are at an outdoor "Grillparty" or eating informally, it’s okay to eat some foods, such as hamburgers or hotdogs, with your hands.

Beverages, aka "Getränke" 

Germans don’t normally drink tap water, even though it’s perfectly safe to do so. Sparkling mineral water (from a bottle) is the norm. If you prefer the non-fizzy variety (stilles Wasser), you can get that. Germans are big coffee and tea drinkers. (Decaf coffee may or may not be available.) Of course, beer and wine are usually also part of any dinner in Germany. After dinner, brandy, cognac, grappa or some other digestif is often served. Sometimes a Kräuterlikör (herbal liqueur), such as Jägermeister, may be offered instead.

Drank too much Jägermeister last night, did you?

More on Alcohol

Beer and wine are part of a normal dinner and alcoholic drinks are usually offered to guests. Not drinking, however, is completely accepted. Do not insist on alcoholic drinks if a person has rejected your initial offer and don’t order them for them. A German who rejects a drink is not just being shy or polite but does not want to drink. For some cultures it is uncommon to see teenagers order a beer at restaurants and pubs. Remember that the legal drinking age in Germany is 16 for beer and wine and 18 for spirits.

Toasting

It’s common to clink glasses with a "Prost" ("cheers") or "Zum Wohl" ("good health") before drinking. At official dinners, it is more common to lift the glass by the stem and nod meaningfully to the others. The host should lead the toast. 

At a dinner party or in a restaurant, you should not start eating or drinking until everyone in the group has received their drink or their meal, and then follow the lead of the host.

Closed Doors 

Germans enjoy quietness and privacy. They may thus often close their doors but will be happy to receive you if you knock on the door. A closed door doesn’t necessarily mean that the person cannot be disturbed. Likewise a closed bathroom door in somebody’s house does not mean the bathroom is occupied. But when entering someone's office, it is common to knock first and then enter the room immediately.

Telephones 

When answering the phone in Germany, it is customary to identify yourself with your last name. It is best not to call people at home after 10 p.m. unless you’ve asked them first if they mind you doing so. Don’t expect to reach anyone in the office after 5 p.m. Monday through Thursday and after 4 p.m. on Fridays. 

Dogs

Berlin is the capital city of dogs. But living together with our four legged friends also brings problems. There has been a Dog Regulation in Berlin since summer 2000. As a dog owner you should pay attention to the following:

• Keep you dog on a lead at public festivals, in parks and forests and on public transport (maximum length 2 metres). 

• Do not let your dog run onto children’s playgrounds or sunbathing lawns. 

• Dog breeds classified as dangerous on a special list ("Kampfhunde", or fighting dogs) must be kept on a lead as a basic principle and wear a muzzle.

Sources- Visit Germany, Young Germany and The German Way 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia