Etiquette Advice to Wives of 1938

Etiquette for a Wise Wife

WHAT is etiquette? How can a girl improve her manners and become a more likable social creature? Those questions come to me in almost every mail. I think a new book has all the answers.

Margaret Fishback combines rare good judgment and a sense of humor in her “Safe Conduct.” She speaks of etiquette in modern terms.

“In etiquette there is certainly no last word. no supreme authority on any subject,” she writes. “Etiquette is, rather, the behavior of the majority in any given age or place, plus a fundamental civilized desire to please.”

Miss Fishback pokes fun at some of the “ladylike” books of etiquette that teach snobbery instead of simple good manners. And she also gives some brutally honest advice to wives who hate to see their hard-working husbands take a night off now and then to be with “the boys.”

This section expresses my own feelings so well, that I quote from it, urging all loving and sometimes misguided wives to listen attentively.

“One of the things that frighten so much good masculine material out of the fold of matrimony is the sight of a once-free spirit whose wife has him under her thumb. There are many wives-loving, affectionate ones too- who have a particular aversion to seeing their husbands enjoy any good time without them.

“It isn't a matter of good times involving other women. What these wives resent is the innocent masculine evening, when the boys just want to get together and drink too much and push one another around and play poker and sing raucously and tell boarding-school jokes.

“A wife should try to be sympathetic toward this valiant effort of man to regain his lost youth. She should let him have his fling every little while, if he wants to, instead of smiling the martyred I'll-be-all-right-tomorrow smile, with the terribly, terribly hurt look in her eye that means she is grieved to find he should ever want to spend an evening away from his loving wife and the family hearth.

“The wife who puts on that kind of act is likely to become one of those I-never-have- any-fun women, who are such hair shirts to the masculine sex. Most of this species have nice homes, and books to read, and friends to play with, while Pop is out bread-winning. Yet they complain of their hard lot, which is bad marital strategy, because at first it bewilders a man, then the injustice of it irritates him, and that's when the bickering begins.

“So, after you snare your man, remember the girls who are still on the town, and don't frighten the surviving eligible males. If, after wedlock, a man may still call his soul just half his own, the other half will be dedicated with his compliments to the wife who continues to be as starry-eyed when her Benedict appears at the end of a hard day at the office, as she was during courtship.

“The perfect woman is the one who doesn't nag, or play the martyr, or deliberately incite jealousy, or display a jealous heart.” –San Bernardino Sun, 1938

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Good Manners And Good Humor

We assume its receipt to be merely a modest hint that we kindly advertise the fact that there is such a book. Through long observation we know the principal rule of the social game even better than we know poker. 

Good Manners

(By the Sporting Editor) 

Someone has sent us a pamphlet advertising a book on good manners. Of course, there was no intention of suggesting that we are in need ol social assistance. We assume its receipt to be merely a modest hint that we kindly advertise the fact that there is such a book. Through long observation we know the principal rule of the social game even better than we know poker. Briefly stated it is this; In climbing the social ladder, step on the fingers of those following you. Keep this in mind, and your place on the rungs, look haughty, and you are safe. In the good old days of Sausalito when we had cow trails instead of our present well paved streets, a suggestion as to what constituted good manners to our then populated, consisting as it did of pool-room men and the descendants of nobility, would have been out of place. The pool-room men always knew the right thing to do – trim the sucker. 

John Barleycorn was also then with us and he had friends even among the aristocrats. But John has gone to join the pool-rooms. Bourbon is now scarce, fearfully scarce, legally scarce. Scotch has taken its place. This is a sufficient prelude to our recommendation of a book which is for the benefit of those who ain’t got no manners, for those who have not studied table etiquette, for those who, for instance, do not know that the only safe and practical way to eat peas with a fork is to mix them with mashed potatoes. Our readers should be proud of the fact that Sausalito has a newspaper that takes such an interest in the social affairs of the town that it is ready at all times to assist even those who do not know the right thing to do socially. The little booklet we received propounds ten questions, which we copy and append our answers: 

1. Q. How should corn on cob be eaten? 
2. A. Cooked. 
3. Q. How should a formal dinner be announced? 
4. A. Hash is ready. 
5. Q. How should a man attach a letter to flowers which he is sending to a young woman 
6. A. A green ribbon, if she is Irish. 
7. Q. Should a man precede or follow his feminine companion up and down the aisle of a church or theatre? 
8. A. If a wedding neither; just hold on tight. 
9. Q. Upon leaving a dining-table, should one’s chair be pushed up to the table, pushed back from the table, or left where it happens to be when one arises? 
10. A. Put the chair on top of table so the cook can sweep up the crumbs. 
11. Q. Mrs. Brown is introduced to Mr. Black. They desire to cultivate a friendship. Who should make the first call? 
12. A. The one with an auto. 
13. Q. Where is the seat of honor at the table? 
14. A. Nearest the bottle.
15. Q. Is it proper for a woman to appear in the aisle of a sleeping-car in negligee. 
16. A. Yes, if she has a good figure. 
17. Q. If you were paged in a fashionable hotel by a member of the opposite-sex, how would you answer? 
18. A. I’m a married man. 
19. Q. Should a man precede or follow his feminine companion off a street-car or railway-coach? 
20. A. It is not polite to follow a woman. 

“The Book of Good Manners” was born at 200 Fifth Avenue, New York; mark well the street. Its proud and expectant parents will send it to you for three bucks. We have instructed Bob, who stands off our creditors, keeps the place clean, runs the limo, sometimes writes our editorials and keeps our accounts, not send any bill for this ad. – The Sausalito News, 1923

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia