Etiquette and Cultural Deafness

The above exercise wear is inappropriate outdoor and indoor attire for many activities and in many countries, yet cluelessly worn by women as appropriate attire in numerous places…. Educate Yourself: Research the customs, traditions, and values of the places you plan to visit. Leverage online resources, including personal travel vlogs, for firsthand insights.

Cultural Differences: Silent Barriers

Imagine this: you’re at an airport, and you walk into the restroom only to see people washing their feet in the sink. Or you’re exploring the streets of Egypt dressed in tight shorts and a crop top or wearing a short skirt and a tube top in India—only to feel out of place or even attract unwanted attention. Perhaps you’re in Italy, frustrated because you can’t find American-style deep-dish pizza or fast-food hamburgers.

These are real scenarios I’ve actually witnessed:

1. At the airport, travelers from Saudi Arabia en route to Tajikistan via Kuwait prepared for afternoon prayers by washing their feet, as is customary in mosques. 
2. On the streets of India, some visitors strolled in what could only be described as “beachwear,” puzzled by the persistent stares and catcalls from local men.
3. And in Italy, an Instagrammer expressed disappointment over the lack of Americanized food options.

These moments serve as reminders of the importance of cultural awareness and respect when travelling. Understanding local customs, dress codes, and traditions can enhance your experience and help you engage meaningfully with the places you visit.

What is Cultural Deafness?

Cultural deafness refers to the inability to understand or appreciate cultural differences. It often arises from a lack of awareness and can lead to misunderstandings when cultural norms, customs, and traditions are not researched or respected.

Viewing one’s culture as superior can lead to judgment of other cultures based on personal norms and values. You can’t, and really shouldn’t, expect your pizza in Italy to taste like your local pizza parlor’s pizza, if you’re not already living in Italy.

Why Does Cultural Deafness Happen?

Several factors contribute to cultural deafness:

• Ethnocentrism: Viewing one’s culture as superior can lead to judgment of other cultures based on personal norms and values.
• Lack of Research: Failing to study a destination's culture can result in missed opportunities to appreciate local customs and beliefs.
• Stereotyping: Making broad assumptions about groups based on limited information or preconceived ideas can hinder meaningful intercultural interactions.
• Communication Barriers: Language differences, nonverbal cues, and cultural nuances can create misunderstandings.

How to Overcome Cultural Deafness

To combat cultural deafness, it’s essential to develop cultural competence. Here’s how:

• Be Open-Minded: Embrace cultural differences with curiosity and a willingness to learn.
• Ask Questions: Speak to others who have travelled to your destination and learn from their experiences and motivations.
• Practice Empathy and Patience: Strive to understand different perspectives. Cultural competence is a skill that develops over time.
• Educate Yourself: Research the customs, traditions, and values of the places you plan to visit. Leverage online resources, including personal travel vlogs, for firsthand insights.

I recently came across two fascinating social media accounts that highlight cultural and linguistic differences in the United States and United Kingdom. 

• Steve Ford, a native English teacher with over 30 years of experience, runs @englishwithsteveford, where he helps people understand the nuances of the English language and its regional variations. For instance, he explains how the British term "courgette" translates to "zucchini" in both the U.S., and I must say Australia too, showcasing subtle yet important linguistic distinctions. 
• Meanwhile, @landontalks, hosted by Landon Bryant, dives into the unique customs of the Deep South in the United States, from funeral procession etiquette — where it's customary to pay respects even if you didn’t know the deceased — to the pre-Thanksgiving cousin meetings, which are navigated carefully to avoid upsetting your “meemaw” (grandmother). 

These creators brilliantly illustrate how language and culture shape everyday life, offering valuable insights for anyone interested in cross-cultural communication. Well worth following!

Navigating Cultural Differences: Solutions for Real-Life Scenarios

Traveling to different parts of the world often presents cultural surprises, and knowing how to navigate them respectfully can make all the difference. Let’s revisit the scenarios above and explore thoughtful solutions to each:

• Washing Feet in an Airport Sink : For Muslims, washing feet is part of the ritual purification (wudu) before prayers. This practice is essential in preparation for spiritual activities, even in unconventional settings like an airport.
• Solution: I am actually very surprised that this particular airport in Kuwait – an Islamic country, did not have a designated wudu area for their customers. Perhaps that could be a consideration of airport management at Jezerra Airways.
• Wearing Inappropriate Attire in Conservative Countries: In countries like Egypt and India, modesty in clothing is deeply rooted in cultural and religious values. Revealing clothing may be perceived as disrespectful or out of place, drawing unwanted attention.
• Solution: Before travelling, research the cultural norms for clothing. Pack modest attire like long skirts, loose pants, and tops with sleeves for conservative regions Smartraveller.gov.au says this about dressing in Egypt during Ramadan: “Dress conservatively. Knee-length or longer dresses and long sleeves are preferable for women, and men should not wear shorts outside tourist areas. Respect religious and social traditions to avoid offending local sensitivities.” 
• Expecting Americanized Food in Italy: Italian cuisine is a point of national pride, with authentic dishes often far removed from American adaptations. Expecting fast food or American-style pizza misses the essence of Italy’s culinary heritage.
• Solution: Embrace the opportunity to explore the local cuisine. Research traditional dining and approach it with an open mind. If you crave familiarity, seek international dining options, but don’t let this limit your experience of Italy’s rich culinary culture.

We Hear You!

By cultivating cultural competence, we can bridge gaps in understanding and celebrate the diversity that makes travel so enriching. After all, it’s the differences in culture that make exploring the world so tantalizing and exciting!

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

“Olympic Etiquette” Suggested in 1984

Americans hosting the Olympics were advised to avoid being the “Ugly American stereotype” while appreciating cultural differences. – The 1984 summer Olympic Games were held in Los Angeles and the mascot was the Disney designed, “Sam the Olympic Eagle,” an American eagle, which was featured on numerous posters and souvenirs. Sam also came as a stuffed, plush animal. He was meant to convey friendliness, optimism and patriotism.

A new civic ditty: Mind your manners this summer

Never mind massive traffic jams, the threat of terrorism, or the boycott by the Soviet team. The real foul ups in the XXIIIrd Olympiad coming to Los Angeles this summer could stem from much more harrowing breaches of international relations like going to a party for one of the Arabian teams and showing the bottom of your shoes to the host. No kidding. It's considered highly improper in some Middle Eastern countries to bare your sole like that at a social function. Think about it. How would you like your Hush Puppies to be the cause of the next oil embargo? The point here is that the Olympics is not just a spectacle of athletics, but a grand social occasion where parties will abound and men and women of many different cultures will be rubbing bended elbows. It's going to be important for hosts of these parties to appreciate cultural differences. When it comes to Olympic etiquette, they'd better be on their toes. One company that is trying to help Southern California's Olympic hosts this summer in that area

is Communication Development Associates of Century City. Judi Kaufman, president, has been offering a course for the past 18 months that was originally designed simply to help American businessmen recapture the lost art of proper etiquette, whether they are entertaining foreign or domestic guests. But these days Kaufman says her company is seeing an increase in interest from businesses that will be entertaining visitors here for the Olympic Games. "The Olympics is a time when we'll be hosting an international guest list in the city, and we need to be prepared to give people instructions on the street (or other help), and not be ugly Americans," Kaufman said in a phone interview. 

Etiquette is something that Americans let slide over the last 20 years, Kaufman says. The rule then was "do your own thing," but she now believes "the pendulum has swung back toward manners." Her course, entitled, "Good Taste is Good Business," covers such protocol issues as the guest list, making introductions, the art of conversation, table manners, "being remembered" (sending thank you notes and such), making other people feel important, and letting food be a catalyst for conversation. "It's really breaking ice by breaking bread," she said.

All well and good, but how does this translate into tips for party hosts who will be entertaining guests from many different countries? Let's say you want to exchange gifts with your foreign friends, a common thing to do. Kaufman urges you to remember that Europeans like to exchange gifts "only with really good friends. If Americans tried to give them too many gifts, it might be interpreted as a faux pas." But Japanese are avid gift givers, she says. "But it's important to let the Japanese person feel that his gift is slightly better than yours," she said. "In Arab countries, the gifts are almost ostentatious. They're very generous with gift giving. They almost feel it gains respect." Where do we sign for one of those? 

Feeding visiting guests can be tricky at times too. With the Japanese, Kaufman says you should remember they are just as uncomfortable using forks, knives and spoons as we are using chopsticks. She suggests preparing dinners of just "fork food." In addition, don't think you should provide a menu that would mirror the kind of cuisine the guest would have in his own country. Kaufman says you should serve "All American" fare like hamburgers and apple pie. Keep that same strategy in mind in your gift giving. Something that is peculiarly Californian might be a real treat for visitors. (Just make sure the hot tub will fit in their carry on luggage.) "As a general rule, people are coming here to see what we do," she said. 

One area in which you should make some concessions to the cultural differences, however, is in conversation. If you're talking with someone from Japan where behavior is perhaps more reserved than in other countries, a gregarious host may need to "pull back" some on his own style. "You kind of mold your behavior slightly, not completely," Kaufman said. Then there are those warnings that only take common sense. Let's say you happen to be playing host to Soviet officials; not likely since they say they're not going to come, but just pretend. You should probably stay away from such topics as politics and religion. "I would keep things in a light vein," Kaufman said. 

And whatever the country, try to show some interest in that nation's history. "It's a very good idea," she said. "These people will be ambassadors of good will." And what if you don't know much about the history of the country? "When in doubt, remember, be more reserved and ask a lot of questions," she said. Since the Olympics Is the ultimate athletic event every four years, Kaufman recommends that party hosts read the sports page every day. Keep up with how countries are doing, even if their teams haven't produced many medals. "To avoid something says more about ignorance

and rudeness," Kaufman said. "You better know about the athletes and play up their strengths." And if you're going to be introducing your guests to each other, it would serve you well to spend 15 to 20 minutes before the party practicing the pronunciation of those foreign names, Kaufman said. The point is, Kaufman says, that we are all hosts "every single one of us," so we should do what we can to make the best impression. And that doesn't mean being gracious just when you're at a beautifully catered party at somebody's mansion.

You can leave a good impression on visitors, for instance, when you get into the middle of those traffic jams that are predicted for L.A.'s freeways during the games. "We're all going to have to show the greatest patience," Kaufman said. "If we act like a typical L.A. driver and come out with four-letter words, that doesn't show our best side." If you're off the street and encounter a foreign visitor on a sidewalk who looks like he needs help, Kaufman says, "First of all, be anxious to help in any way you can.

"If you don't know the answer, you might tell them where they can get help. Be clear and quick, but polite. Talk slowly. Smile! If they don't understand the language, they certainly will understand a smile and pointing." It may sound old fashioned, Kaufman said, but just remember to treat people the way you'd like to be treated if you were visiting their country. "The whole Golden Rule can work wonders for you," she said. – By Dennis Kelly, Sun Staff Writer, San Bernardino Sun, 1984

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Middle Eastern Manners for Marines

Moving some laid-back Southern California Marines to the Middle East in 1990, took some much needed cross-cultural training and a crash course in Middle Eastern manners. One Marine acknowledged after the 30-minute briefing that he and his buddies were a little put off about the limited prospects for enjoying free time in Saudi Arabia, if they’re destined to go there. “The guys are asking each other, what are we going to do with ourselves? I guess build sandcastles.” 
— Photo, Etiquipedia’s private library

Desert-Bound Marines Learn ABCs of How Not to Offend

Along with their chemical weapons gear, U.S. Marines bound for the Middle East are receiving a quick etiquette course on how to avoid ugly Americanisms in a foreign land. Don’t pass the bread with your left hand. Never give the “A-OK” sign. Refrain from gawking. If introduced to an Arab man--women are out of the question--stand close to him. Very close. And don’t be startled if he takes your hand.

That was some of the advice given to 50 Marines at Camp Pendleton on Thursday--an almost humorous element of training that otherwise has focused on weapons and gas masks and acclimation to searing desert heat. But for these Marines, sitting in rapt attention in a large conference room--some taking copious notes--the advice was intended to ease the merging of cultures suddenly joined by the possibility of war.

The Marines are likely to wind up in the Persian Gulf, where the surrounding nations are known for the strict practice of Islam. This is particularly true in Saudi Arabia, where the bulk of the American troops are stationed and where religion permeates everyday life. And so it went at Camp Pendleton, with Scott giving another of his two- or three-times-daily briefings to Marines about Middle Eastern culture and etiquette.

Scott, a United Methodist minister and senior chaplain to the 1st Marine Division headquartered at Camp Pendleton, spent three years in Bahrain and traveled throughout the Middle East, making him an expert of sorts on Arab customs and culture. For the past two weeks, he’s been holding forth daily for as many as 600 Marines at a time about how they should behave off-duty as guests in Saudi Arabia.

His remarks mirrored the contents of a 40-page booklet produced by the Army and already distributed to U.S. service personnel overseas, covering such subjects as how to greet Arab men and warning that joining your forefinger and thumb and waving doesn’t mean everything’s A-OK. It’s a curse.

For his part, Scott talked of such things as Arab speaking patterns, native dress, marriage and family values, food, drink and religious practices. He said he wanted to sensitize Marines to what they may face, adding: “I’m worried about how we’ll be received. Not the short term, but how we’ll get along with them down the road, 10 years from now.”

• Never cross your legs when sitting among Arabs, warned Navy Commander, Stanley B. Scott, because exposing the underside of your shoes to your guest is an insult something akin to swearing, “Camel dung on you!”
• When Muslims set out their prayer rugs at midday in a public area, do not take pictures and do not gawk. Keep walking, but take the long way around behind them, he advised.
• If you should be invited into a Muslim’s home in that part of the world, don’t expect to see any women. They’ll be in the kitchen, strictly off limits to visitors. 
• And if you come across a Muslim woman in public, don’t even think about asking her what she’s doing tonight.
• If you compliment an Arab on his headdress, expect him to promptly offer it to you as a gift. Not only had you better accept, Scott said, but you’d better offer a reciprocal gift--your own hat.
• Don’t beckon an Arab by pointing at him palm up and curling your fingers upward. That’s how you get a dog’s attention, he said; for an Arab, turn your palm down, then curl your fingers back toward you.
• Don’t figure on sharing a bottle of wine or popping a six-pack, because the Koran, the Muslims’ holy book, has declared alcohol taboo— along with adultery, fornication, pornography and the eating of pork. 
• If invited into an Arab’s home, plan on drinking coffee or tea.
• Never pass a plate or bowl with your left hand, Scott admonished. The left hand is traditionally reserved for sanitary functions, and to use it when offering food or drink is the basest of insults.
• He advised Marines not to take boom boxes or rock ‘n’ roll cassette tapes to Saudi Arabia, and the Marine Corps already has notified families not to send any photos of nude or even semi-nude women to the men overseas— including pictures of wives and girlfriends clad in bathing suits— because Middle Eastern culture frowns on it.

Lance Corporal, Ken Johnson acknowledged after the 30-minute briefing that he and his buddies were a little put off about the prospects for enjoying free time in Saudi Arabia, if they’re destined to go there. “The guys are asking each other, what are we going to do with ourselves? I guess build sandcastles.” — By Tom Gorman, Los Angeles Times, 1990

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Custom and Conscience

In the 1980 historical miniseries, Shogun, John Blackthorn, self-conciously bathing with Mariko, is the first English person to arrive in Japan and must find a way to survive in a culture which considers him to be a barbarian due to his European habits (eating the meat of birds he has killed, eating with one’s hands and rarely bathing.)– photo source Pinterest

It is said that “it is conscience that makes cowards of us all,” and there is much talk ot the “whisperings or conscience,” the “wee small voice” and all that; but whence comes that voice? Is there an immutable principal of right and wrong placed somewhere in the mind that tells one of right and wrong? Or is, it not custom —that to which we have been accustomed? A writer in the New York Sun says that travelers in Japan tell of the unconcern with which a Japanese will take a bath in full publicity, and the custom has impressed foreigners as immodest. 

An Englishman who has been long in the country says there is really nothing immodest in the promiscuous bathing of men, women and children from a Japanese point of view. With them, cleanliness is the object sought for, and the etiquette of the bathroom differs from the etiquette of the parlor. With Europeans, he says, the attitude of waltzers is only permitted when the music is played. It is something like this with the Japanese bathers. When the necessary operation of washing or doing other work requires it, to strip becomes a duty. 

On the other hand, a Japanese woman would scorn to appear decollete. To her eye, our ballrooms are an astonishment, and the exposure of the person for display is incomprehensible. This writer thinks that the Japanese are not excelled by their Western brethren in modesty.– Weekly Colusa Sun, 1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Cross-Cultural Dining Etiquette

Best keep table manners simple and straight 

“I would tinker with all the different instruments arrayed on the tablecloths: the knives, the forks, the completely round spoon that was only for soup, the funny-shaped spoon for the slab of ice-cream, and so on.” – Ruchir Joshi

In the middle-class Indian household in which I grew up, the dining table was a relatively new thing. Visiting my parents' families in Ahmedabad, I sat cross-legged on the low wooden paatlaa for my meals like everyone there.

At home, at the dining table, we replicated what I would call basic South Asian rules of eating with the hand, always using the right hand and never the left, of jhootha and clean, etc... The only implement used at our table was the spoon in various sizes. It was only when we made the rare visit to restaurants that other cutlery came into play. Here, fascinated, I would tinker with all the different instruments arrayed on the tablecloths: the knives, the forks, the completely round spoon that was only for soup, the funny-shaped spoon for the slab of ice-cream, and so on.

At some point, at my parents' bidding, a friend of theirs, P-Mama, coached me in the correct method of using a knife and fork: elbows always away from the table, hold the knife and fork at right angles, use the fork to keep the target bite of omelette or cutlet in place while the knife severs it from the main body of the dish; tilt the soup bowl away from yourself and spoon up the soup, again, always away from yourself, but do the opposite with other spoonable matter; always squash the peas against the back of the fork so that they didn't roll away; keep knife and fork crossed on plate if you are only pausing during eating, and parallel and close together if you have terminated your meal or that particular dish, and so on and so forth.

Because table and cutlery manners were embedded in a continuum of gracious behaviour, along with this training came a lecture on the use of bad words. 'I was once at meeting with my business collaborators in London,' P-Mama recounted, 'and I used the word 'damn'. My opposite number immediately got up from the table and called a break, "Mr P you are clearly upset. Let's meet after lunch." and I realised my mistake.'

Reaching America as a college student, I quickly grasped that for every set of rules created by western society there existed an exact opposite set of behaviours. Students in my college canteen used the fork in their right ha nd, rarely used the knife, used the fork to throw food at each other and their hands to throw peas. They also used a lot of bad words, epithets much further down the civilisation chain than the demure 'damn' that had got P-Mama into such trouble in those ancient British times. After college, working as waiter in a posh singles bar and restaurant in New York, another set of 'manners' came into play, from bantering with customers, (but only up to a strict, invisible line) to accepting or refusing politely when you were offered a line of cocaine under the table.

Afterwards, it was the tip the table left you that mattered and not the hieroglyphic mess of cutlery scattered here and there. Moving into different cultures, one understood that table manners were complex and shifting things. It was better not to use chopsticks in a Chinese or Japanese restaurant if you weren't adept, and certainly not cool to make slant-eye jokes while fiddling incompetently with the damn things. The French always immediately put their napkins on their laps while Anglo-Saxons tended to wait till the food was served. Continentals would use the table-cloth to break bread and use their hands to eat it, both a complete no-no with P-Mama who took a long time to show me how to slice a bread-roll in half, butter it and put it back together again, with minimum use of fingers.

Then came the actual experience of another truism one had only read about: the more 'aristocratic' you were, in England, the worse you behaved at table, the 'better' you behaved at table the more you gave away your aspirant class. This reminded one of the old story about how it was once highly impolite in exalted circles in China to do anything but throw your bones and other foodly rejections over your shoulders - to keep stuff neatly on a plate implied the host was too poor to employ a vast army of servants to clear up after his guests. Coming back full circle, a few years ago, I found myself tagging along with a friend for dinner at a Spanish woman's house in Jorbagh. As we sat down for aperitifs, the lady launched into a diatribe about how she couldn't stand this Indian business of eating with the hands.

'Barbarians!' she exclaimed, completely oblivious, or perhaps not, of my presence in her living- room. For a moment I contemplated vicious retaliation: I would eat each thing this cretinous senora served at dinner, but only with my hands, making the most outrageous slurping sounds as I did. As it is, I suddenly remembered a phone-call I was about to receive on my land-line and left the party, leaving my friend, a Frenchwoman, to berate her host for her insulting comments. I remembered this when I read recently about the Indian couple whose children were taken away by the Norwegian authorities. Later, other factors came to light, but we all shared the initial outrage when reading that the kids had been taken away because they were being taught to eat with their hands.

The other day, I ate an Indian meal with an English friend. Like most of the British public, my friend is more than happy to tuck into desi khana, pizza, sandwiches and, yes, Spanish tapas with his hands, and he rapidly got busy attacking the dal, chicken and sabzi laid before us. I started eating and then noticed the strange contortions my friend was making with his fingers, as well as the awkward combinations of knife, fork and naanas- implement to get at his food. For a brief second I felt like giving him a demo-lecture on how desi food needs to be eaten (and yes, in these modern times, eaten with both hands fully deployed) but then I did away with my discomfort. I remembered, once again, that genuine manners, especially table manners have to do with two basic things.

First, you want to avoid inciting repulsion and disgust in the people around you, wherefore the edicts against eating with your mouth open, burping and slurping, dribbling sauce down the side of your mouth and so on. Now, disgust is a highly context-driven thing. My vegetarian mother, for example, could not bear watching a person tear into a tandoori or barbecued chicken, mining the bones for little treasures of meat as proper non-vegetarians do.  Some European aristocrat, on the other hand, might not be able to stomach the sight of a desi sucking on drumsticks or licking their fingers clean of dal. So, a good idea is to more or less stick to what will cause minimal discomfort to the audience of your meal-taking, but within the cultural context of the meal. Second, and equally if not more important, is the role manners play in putting the other person or people around you at ease.

Food, essentially is about nourishment, and this nourishment best takes place when the eater is relaxed and un-fussed about his or her ingesting environment; duty meals are among the most stressful rituals that humans put themselves through.  If we follow this basic doublesided principle - while eating, put others at ease and protect your own - we should be able to eat as we like, using the fish knife for buttering, using the fingers for tearing the steak and the coffee spoon for stirring the tea. – Originally published by Mail Online, March 2012, written by Ruchir Joshi

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Cross-Cultural Etiquette: 19th C. Insults

In England, if a friend is visiting another and stays to dinner, he may ask for the loan of a hairbrush without giving offense, but in Hungary he may not. 

Unintentional Insults? 

Persons Must Be Very Careful When In a Foreign Country

A short time back a message was received by the authorities through the Chinese legation that the gentleman representing her majesty in China had been guilty of conduct unbecoming an embassador and a gentleman; that he had insulted the Chinese cabinet. Investigation, however, showed that the only conduct of which he had been guilty was thumping the table at which he was sitting to emphasize a remark. Of course no notice was taken of the affair, but, all the same, the diplomatists of China were offended, for in that country it is an insult to the assembled company to thump the table. It only shows how careful one should be in a foreign country.

In England, if a friend is visiting another and stays to dinner, he may ask for the loan of a hairbrush without giving offense, but in Hungary he may not. To attempt to borrow that useful article is one of the greatest insults which can be offered to a Hungarian and one which will in most cases cause a duel.

In France there are several insults which the unwary foreigner may offer without knowing it. For example, he may be visiting a friend and may put his hat upon the bed. This is a grievous form of insult, but why it is not known. It is a very ancient one, and so probably results from an old superstition. 

Again, there are two ways of pouring out wine in France, as everywhere else. One of these is to hold the bottle so that while pouring the thumb is facing the tablecloth. The second way is to hold the hand reversed—that is, with the knuckles downward—and this is a great insult to the assembled guests and the host, a far greater insult than drinking a health in water, and that is pretty serious in France.

Germany has some curious forms of insult. To begin with, to offer a rose or any other flower without any green or leaves with it to a lady is to deeply insult her, though why this should be so is not known precisely. The German students are formed into corps, some of which are fighting corps and others not. Each corps has its distinctive cap, and when a member of one meets another in the street it is etiquette for each to doff his cap. Should the other not respond, a complaint is made to his corps, and a duel is fought—a real duel, with sabers or pistols, not the fencing duel which is pastime in Germany, just us foiling or single stick is in England—for the insult is nearly the worst that can be offered.

There is one worse, and that is spilling or flicking beer over another student purposely. No apology will wipe out this offense. Nothing will, except a duel to the death or a duel which is continued until one of the combatants is too badly wounded to continue the fight. A minor insult is to refuse to drink with a student if invited or to refuse to respond with “Prosit” when he raises his glass and says, “Icth Komme vor,” but this is more a breach of good manners than an actual insult.

We might finish with two Spanish examples of curious insults in South America. The first of these is to refuse to smoke a cigarette which another man offers you after he has bud it in his mouth, and the second is to refuse drink out of the same glass that a man has just drunk from, or, worse still, to wipe it before drinking.—London TitBit, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Public Relations and Public Diplomacy

Public Relations and Public Diplomacy: 

Two Sides of the Same Coin?

The Roman legionary: "adaptable at any place, at any time, for any purpose." ~ Polybius, Ancient Greek Historian. Above~ Depiction of Hadrian's Wall, built by the Romans between 122-128 A.D. across northern England to stop attacks by Pictish tribes from Scotland. Inside the Wall, Roman legionaries prepare to march out against the attackers, their commander on his horse at their head.

Not only are there many similarities between Public Relations (PR) and Public Diplomacy (PD), were it not for one major element, they might be thought identical. Scholars have argued that issues of power have been neglected in PR. This is true, however, it may not illustrate the complete picture. 

The main difference is perhaps the cohesion of PD, and the power it can achieve thanks to this.  No wonder the Ancient Romans divided their legions into cohorts, for through cohesion, the Roman legionary ‘was adaptable at any place, at any time, for any purpose,’ according to the Ancient Greek historian, Polybius.

Similarities

There are many similarities in PR and PD. Both of their practitioners strive for reputation building, relationship management, dialogue, transparency, trust, engagement, and conflict resolution. They also work to establish themselves as the Alpha and Omega for their publics and stakeholders, and to out manoeuvre all other communication sources. They do this through a systematic and strategic information campaign, where war sounds better when framed as defence, where sensitive corporate/state social responsibility is employed, as are lobbying and negotiation.

Sir Henry Wotton~ English author, diplomat and politician who sat in the house of Commons in 1614 and 1625. Wotton, when on a mission in Ausburg in 1604 famously used the oft quoted line, "An ambassador is an honest gentleman sent to lie abroad for the good of his country."

A coin to buy the way to hell?

PR is sometimes perceived or associated with propaganda which always resuscitates the spectres of regimes like Nazism and Communism. The term PD was coined in 1856 in ‘The Times’ newspaper as a synonym for civility. Edmund Gullion re-introduced the word in 1965 as an alternative to propaganda and PR, which carried negative connotations. However, PD like PR, became associated with spin.  

It seems that the phrase, "An ambassador is an honest gentleman sent to lie abroad for the good of his country," written as a joke in Henry Wotton's journal, when on a diplomatic mission in 1604, cannot be deleted completely from public perception. This is because PR and PD are distorted in dictatorial regimes. But no one can deny that they are a pillar of democracy.

"Short Instruction on Adhering to the Accepted Bourgeois Society Etiquette Rules" ~ A Russian diplomat in uniform, presenting his letters of credence, 2008...  After the Russian revolution, a document entitled "Short Instruction on Adhering to the Accepted Bourgeois Society Etiquette Rules" by the People's Commissariat for Foreign Affairs instructed revolutionary diplomats to wear jackets on formal occasions. From 1923 to 1924, Moscow newspapers debated whether the wearing of civilian Western dress and thereby "bour­geois society symbols, which are totally alien to the spirit of the Workers' and Peasants' State" was appropriate, and there were calls for a Soviet diplomatic uniform to be introduced.

What is the main difference between the two?

PD is the domain of the diplomat, who represents a state and is a jack of all trades, proficient in international relations, economics, law, history, culture, writing, languages, hi-tech and etiquette. A diplomat’s duties are to communicate, negotiate, cajole, protect and analyse.  PD is employed to reach the many strategic objectives of the state, ranging from a treaty, to a memorandum of understanding, war reparations to development aid. PD also aids in cultural exchanges, music festivals and sporting tournaments. The most tangible examples in sport are the World Cup or the Olympic Games, which countries have used to build or enhance their reputations ever since their inceptions. Like bears to honey, the privileged status of PD attracts the media.

PR is fast accruing prominence, especially as the PR practitioner is increasingly dealing with international issues that have a great impact on our lives.  Distinctions between PR, marketing and advertisement are at the end of the day perfunctory. When I participated in the World PR Forum in Melbourne last November, Richard Edelman seemed to be clear about this. He also added that PR does not have a monopoly on its creations, citing the example of employee engagement, which has been successfully ‘borrowed’ by the advertising industry. PR has to go all the way to achieve the same elite status of PD. Cohesion of all the elements that make up the discipline, and more if necessary, must be achieved.

Propaganda is geared to appeal to the public's emotion, not the public's intellect ~ Above, an 1805 French propaganda painting of Napoleon crossing the Alps

PR fits in International Relations Theory

Realist PR

The dominant international relations (IR) theories are Realism and Liberalism. Realism is a paradigm based on the struggle of all against all, obtaining power in an anarchic system, where everyone pursues his or her interests in a selfish way. Realist PR and PD practitioners give the Environment, Political, Informatic, Social, Technological, Economic and Legal, or EPISTEL, analysis priority. The organisation has no permanent friends, no permanent enemies, only permanent interests. The pursuit of power to survive in a hostile environment is what matters. Extreme PR and PD proponents of Realism are Machiavellians who apply The Art of War of Sun Tsu on every occasion to achieve their goals.

Liberalist PR

The Liberalist paradigm is the hope that reason, ethics, and co-operation can lead to an organised system where misconduct and war can be policed by laws and international enforcement. PR and PD Liberalists value reputation, relationship building, corporate social responsibility, transparency, ethics and trust. Extreme Liberalists in PR and PD are the idealists who believe in world government and peace.

NGO PR

Though not a theory as such, I think that it is essential to mention non-governmental organization PR, or NGO PR, which voices those who are not heard and issues yet unknown, or ignored. This is usually what PR and PD practitioners on the other side have to deal with.

Two Sides of the Same Coin?

Conclusion

A coin has two sides. Sometimes a coin is flipped to determine which party has the final decision or victory. Heads, being heavier than tails, has the traditional advantage. Yet, PR has what it takes to become the heavier side. Once cohesion is achieved, PR can move into the realm of power and become the side of the coin to place one’s faith in.

The above is an opinion piece contributed by Kristian Bonnici

Contributor Kristian Bonnici holds an M.A. in Diplomatic Studies. He speaks English, Italian and Maltese fluently, and has a knowledge of French, Arabic and Russian. He is currently the Founder and Chief Executive of Diplomatic Envoy Consultancy, www.diplomaticenvoy.com.au. He is also a member of the Public Relations Institute of Australia, Toastmasters International, and Rotary International.