Etiquette Fit for a Queen

What to do if the Queen drops by...

Your jubilee street party is going swimmingly but suddenly you come face to face with the sovereign herself. Mark Oliver seeks advice on how to behave from etiquette expert Drusilla Beyfus

Photo source, Instagram 

The stakes are arguably even higher if you're an arch-royalist, and are at a street party partaking in those golden jubilee shenanigans. Imagine: you're just munching a hotdog, hands caked in ketchup, when there's a blur of Daimler, a flash of brooch, and suddenly Her Majesty is upon you.

To help us navigate the minefield of royal protocol, we sought the views of the wonderfully named Drusilla Beyfus, author of Modern Manners. Ms Beyfus says: "Pictures of so-called real people with the royals always look so strained because people are still very intimidated."

But she stresses that royalty are much more relaxed these days and there's no reason to panic. Ms Deyfus has met the Queen and insists she was very nice and she says that with just a few pointers, you too can avoid ending up in the Tower. So do I have to curtsey, or is that just for women?

Ms Deyfus says: "For men, you should give a short bow from the neck. But don't go too low. You don't want to appear too theatrical." Or look like you're having a laugh.

"Women can curtsey, and most women do. These days some women don't curtsey but that's alright too and won't cause any great offence," Ms Beyfus says. Debrett's website says the correct form of address is "your Majesty" or "Ma'am".

However, it is bad form to offer the sovereign your hand to shake. Ms Beyfus says: "The thing is, she would probably just shake it if you did but it's best not to. It's very unlikely she would, but if she offers you her hand, then you should shake it." Just try to avoid crushing the royal digits.

Ok, you've survived initial contact. With a little bravery you could try and speak. Ms Beyfus says that in the past it would not have been proper to say anything. "These days you are most likely to be 'presented', for example if you are introduced by the organiser of the street party, and then you just bow or curtsey and say what you are going to say," she explains.

"She's very easy to talk to. But you can't talk for long, and can probably only get one thought out before she moves on. Everything is scheduled very exactly as we saw with the Queen mother's cortege arriving at precisely at Westminster Abbey at midday. People would love the Queen to sit down and chat at their street party but she won't do that."

So how do you choose what to say in your nanosecond of opportunity? Ms Beyfus says: "Of course, the subjects you think you should not mention, you probably should not. Should you mention Sophie Wessex's miscarriage? I think not."

But the Queen may do the running for you - she is after all well practised in the art of small talk. Ms Beyfus says she might always hit you with the classic "and what do you do?" question but this is less likely in as casual a context as a street party. Ms Beyfus says: "The Queen is usually very well briefed about the area, so may very well have some informed comment to make."

But what about food? Should you offer her a cucumber sandwich? Should there be a desperate scramble for a gold platter of Ferrero Rocher?

"I'm not sure about that. She's got a pretty good figure. You shouldn't really offer her food, but I think if you were to say 'here's one of our currant buns' or offered her some special jubilee cake, she may have a nibble." The most decorous thing would be to run it past her lady in waiting.

Now we turn to the really tricky stuff - how do you cope with the Duke of Edinburgh? What if he has you in the crosshairs for one of his trademark cheeky comments?

Ms Beyfus says: "I think it's very difficult and there are no real ripostes to those funny remarks. What I would say though is that they rarely seem to be at individuals. The slanty-eyed thing and remarks like that seem to be made as statements."

Also you may bear in mind that Mr Freedland has warned that you have to careful because Prince Philip often takes what you said and throws it back at you like it was the "most gormless thing" that had ever been said. So be careful with any quips about the bunting.

Finally, what about streaking? Is there any way of carrying it off without imperilling good form? "No, I don't think so," Ms Beyfus says. — The Guardian, 2002

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Chafing at Royal Etiquette

All smiles on her coronation, but reality loomed large –– By Court etiquette, Elizabeth must not do anything directly. She can give orders to her private secretary, to her Ladies of the Bed-Chamber or Ladies in Waiting, to her principal advisers and these, in turn, relay her orders to the lower echelons. This has irked the Duke of Edinburgh more than any single rule of the palaces, and he has broken it more than once...

Elizabeth, and Her Consort, Chafe At Rituals Of Royalty

LONDON (UP) Queen Elizabeth and the Duke of Edinburgh, as young folks might be expected to do, are chafing a bit these days at the stupendous ritual and custom that hedges them around in the Royal Court. Wise Courtiers say nothing and wait for the irritation to subside, as they know it will in the course of time. It always has. Modernization of Court proceedings is always in progress, but it moves slowly. There are certain to be changes during the anticipated long reign of Elizabeth II, but nothing as dramatic as some of the sensational press are now demanding. 

For one thing, it is obvious that pressure on the Queen, if the buffering army of functionaries were removed or cut radically, would be greater than it is under the present system. Thus, cutting away too much red tape would expose the Queen to the very evil from which her self-appointed saviors seek to rescue her. The Court of St. James is a very old Court, and, in a county where tradition is venerated as nowhere else, there is a reluctance to drop customs for any reason whatsoever. It is quite true that there are servants in the Royal households who have servants to wait upon them. But it has always been that way, and despite the unionization of the palace help, there might be considerable unrest if this were changed. – Madera Tribune, 1953

👑Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Royal Etiquette and Lesser Nobles

A dynasty of former princes, electors, kings, and emperors made up the House of Hohenzollern of Prussia, Hohenzollern, Brandenburg, the German Empire, and Romania. The family arose in the area around the town of Hechingen in Swabia during the 11th century and took their name from Hohenzollern Castle.

Royal Court Etiquette Rules

It has not escaped public notice that the Marquis of Lorn and his wife, the sister of the Duke of Edinburgh, were not present at the Duke's marriage with the daughter of the Czar. A Paris paper has volunteered to give the cause of this seeming want of affection; 

It says the court etiquette on the continent excludes any one not royal by blood from sitting at the same table with royalty. Lorn is a noble of as honorable lineage as the Guelphs, and far more ancient than the Romanoffs or the Hohenzollerns, whose ancestors were low-bred kerns running about the woods and swamps of Scandinavia and Germany, dressed in the hairy skins of wild, beasts, for centuries after the house of Argyle was noble and powerful. 

But the Argyles never had the luck to be crowned, and therefore they can't mate on terms of equality with the Romanoffs, Hohenzollerns and Hapsburgs, nor eat at the same table. The Princess Louisa, wife of the Marquis of Lorn, was once obliged to witness this degredation of her husband at the Court of Berlin when she was visiting her sister, the Crown Princess of Prussia, and she then made up her mind not to subject him again to such an insult. This is the explanation of the absence ot Lorn and his lady from the late St. Petersburg wedding. — From The Sacramento Union, 1874

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia