Opera Royalty Expects Royal Treatment

           

Adelina Patti was a wildly famous 19th C. Italian opera singer, commanding  huge sums, in both Europe and the United States, at the height of her career. — Public domain image of Adelina Patti on a carte de visite or visiting-card sized photograph. Carte de visites were popular collectible photo cards in the Gilded Age. They were often traded between collectors and special photo albums could be purchased for showing them off to friends and other collectors.

As an instance of the physical care that is bestowed upon Patti, it is related that once when she returned from her daily drive, she was exceedingly thirsty, and asked Nicolini to request some one of their long retinue to cause a glass of water to be brought to her by as quick stages as the comparatively Royal etiquette of the menage would permit. “Water?” shrieked Nicolini, in high B flat “ma mignonne, you know that you are going to sing to-morrow night, and that water will chill your blood. Oh, no; I forbid any water.” “Then give me a taste of wine,” pleaded thirsty Patti. “Wine” roared Nicolini, in his highest C. “Ma mignonne you are going to sing to-morrow night, and you know that wine will heat your blood. No, I can not permit wine.” “Please, can't I have something wet,” begged Patti, with trembling lip, as her palate clicked dryly in her throat, Nicolini pondered long and deeply, and at length, with his own hands, carefully prepared for the great singer a soothing draught of dissolved magnesia.— The Argonaut, 1885

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Etiquette of the Sultan’s Punch

Neither the Sultan nor any of the officials present had a drop of wine. None was on the table, nor was any handed round except to unbelievers. The claret, however, was so good that my husband could not resist asking the Grand Master of Ceremonies, ‘Who tasted and chose the wine for the Imperial table?’…” — Image source of a beautiful Art Nouveau claret jug, Twitter

In Max Muller’s honor the Sultan gave him a dinner. Of course,  Max Muller was not invited, but the lady, in her ‘‘Letters From Constantinople,” describes it, and the little incident how the Sultan drew the line between wine and punch is amusing: “Nobody spoke except the Sultan, whose conversation with the ambassador was most animated, though carried on entirely by an interpreter. My husband, not knowing the Turkish etiquette, began to talk French to his neighbor, but received such very short answers that he, too, relapsed into silence. The Sultan, who had evidently seen this, beckoned to Munir Pasha, who whispered something to the ministers of war and marine and began to talk very pleasantly, encouraged by a look from the Sultan not to mind such a breach of etiquette. 

“Neither the Sultan nor any of the officials present had a drop of wine. None was on the table, nor was any handed round except to unbelievers. The claret, however, was so good that my husband could not resist asking the Grand Master of Ceremonies, ‘Who tasted and chose the wine for the Imperial table?’ He shrugged his shoulders, as though he would say, ‘You can guess. ’ One of the items of the menu was punch. It was iced punch, smelling so strongly that everyone could perceive the alcohol in it, but neither the Sultan nor any of his guests were afraid of it. It was called punch, and punch is not forbidden in the Koran.” — San Diego Union and Daily Bee, 1897

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Wine and Wine Glass Etiquette

Abby, as a non-wine drinker, I have always turned my wine glass upside down to let the waiter know that I do not wish wine. Otherwise, he is apt to come along and fill my glass while I’m not looking, which is a foolish waste of wine. 

DEAR ABBY: A reader recently asked it it was considered proper etiquette to turn his wine glass upside down at a dinner party, and you said it wasn’t. Abby, as a non-wine drinker, I have always turned my wine glass upside down to let the waiter know that I do not wish wine. Otherwise, he is apt to come along and fill my glass while I’m not looking, which is a foolish waste of wine. It’s just a matter of common sense. You disappointed me. — No Wine in Cedar Rapids, 1979

DEAR NO WINE: I said it ISN’T considered proper etiquette because it isn't. But I’ve often stated that common sense outranks etiquette in my book, and if one must make a choice, go the common sense route— and a pox on etiquette!— Abigail Van Buren in The Desert Sun, 1979

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Etiquette Changes and Dance Crazes

The modern style seems in its description to be embraced by the single expressive word “jazz,” whereas that word means only a simple subsidiary movement, which can be applied or omitted from the movements of the fox trot or of the one-step.

Fox Trot and One-Step Form Basis for All Future Dances

LONDON, May 2. — Will the modern form of ballroom dancing survive the test of time? This question seems to have occasioned no little controversy, but in one important aspect the argument has been somewhat misleading. The modern style seems in its description to be embraced by the single expressive word “jazz,” whereas that word means only a simple subsidiary movement, which can be applied or omitted from the movements of the fox trot or of the one-step.

It is wrong, therefore, in discussing the ballroom of the future, to talk about the possibility of the permanent triumph of the jazz over the waltz —wrong both from the point of view of the jazz and the waltz.

Oblivion for Jazz

In my opinion the jazz will join the waltz in oblivion.I differ entirely from the contention that the waltz will ever return to favor. I refrain from using the word popularity, for the reason that I have never considered it a popular form of dancing. And to those readers who are not in agreement with this view I would simply point out that when the waltz was in Vogue the ballroom did not attract men and women of the intellectual calibre that are to be found there today. The standard dances of the future will be based upon the fox trot and the one-step.

Based on Walking

It is quite possible that those dances might lose their name, but their identity will never entirely vanish, because they have natural movement as their very foundation. Based on the walking idea, they en able people to express their characters in their performance, so that, apart from their naturalness, they demonstrate personality in a manner in which the old-fashioned, meaningless and monotonous waltz was never able to achieve.

I am quite aware that some people in their interpretation of these movements give very ugly performances, but it is better to reveal truth in ugliness than to hypocritically conceal it in expressionless gyrations.

If dancing is to be considered an art, a creative art, it must be the expression of life; it must be the expression of life of the dancer, and great or insignificant, according to the dancer's impressions and ability.

No doubt each season will see the introduction of new movements, but the dominating idea of the present style will retain its permanency.

The simple walking movement has ensured that permanency, and shorn of all the dips and hops, which will die a natural death or give place to movements which will perhaps allow less license, it will ensure for the ballroom a lasting popularity quite equal to the present standard. 

Doesn't Kill Sociability

The chief argument of critics of the present “craze,” as they call it, is that jazz, in which they mistakenly comprehend everything that is modern, is destructive of the sociability of the ballroom. There is no greater fallacy.

The fox-trot and the one-step, in their view, can only be danced by partners who know each other’s steps, and so the universality of ballroom partnership has given place to the same couples dancing together all the evening. The idea is erroneous.

Just as two waltzers who are strangers to each other’s steps can waltz together, so can fox-trotters and one-steppers.

Not Due to Dances

It has, I am quite aware, become customary for couples to dance more or less together through the evening, but this has nothing what ever to do with the change in the style of dancing.

It is due entirely to a change in ballroom etiquette. In the old days it was not considered good form for a couple to dance more than two dances together during the evening, but now if a couple prefer each other’s society they are breaking no canon of etiquette if they dance together the whole evening.

Whether the revolution in etiquette and the removal of restraint to such an extreme that gloves are no longer worn in ballrooms are improvements upon pre-war days, I will not venture an opinion, but the fact remains that these changes have become established.—By the Famous Dancer Miss Margaret Morris, 1919

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War Time Etiquette

A World War I poster reminding Brits that it was poor manners and unpatriotic to dress in excess during wartime —Image from the Library of Congress

“Let our object be our country, our whole country, and nothing but our country.” -Daniel Webster

The well bred woman going the small from town to the big city finds that there are many points of etiquette as they exist in the big city that she must master. And we who have acquired our manners in times peace have found within the last of 18 months that there are many point of wartime etiquette that we must master. Just because we to know how to conduct ourselves according to well bred standards doesn't mean that we need know all the ins and outs of military etiquette or that we will be able to know just what to do in all the perplexing, circumstances that come up because of the war.

So it is that a good many persons, seemingly well bred, have acted in a most ill bred way concerning the fuel shortage. When you really think the whole matter over, the fuel situation is simply a war condition, and to put up with it it as uncomplainingly as possible is simply one form of patriotism. And public spiritedness and patriotism, in in these days, are in the best of form.

So the next time you are tempted to grumble about the small amount of coal on hand in your cellar, stop and think. Just think of anything you want to that will make you stop grumbling. If you can simply appeal to your own spirit of patriotism, do that. If you can plan out for your house some other means of keeping out the cold— like weather strips, windows, or storm doors and or open fires— do that. 

If you think you and your family can keep warmer if you wear heavier clothes, determine to do that. Anyway, plan to do something that will make you stop grumbling about this very unpleasant but seemingly necessary condition. Remember that in the present state of things, it is just as ill bred to complain about the fuel curtailment as it is to eat with the knife.

Now, there is another side to the bad breeding evidenced by the coal situation. It is in even worse taste to further take advantage of the situation of your own ends than it is to complain and grumble. The owners of apartment houses who try to save money by not buying all the coal they are entitled to are beneath contempt, of course. The man who simply grumbles and growls because his office thermometer won't register more than 65 degrees and the woman who sputters because her conscience makes her remember to turn off the electric lights in a room as she leaves it, are simply indulging in a little ill bred— or at least not very well bred— personal grouchiness.

An uncritical acceptance of the war and its inevitable results, has the greatest importance to the ones who are complaining the least. We take patriotism for granted in most cases in these days. But the grumbling patriot— the man who digs deep in his pockets to buy Liberty Bonds and Thrift Stamps, and the woman who works overtime for Red Cross, but criticizes and grumbles over each discomfort— runs the risk of being branded unpatriotic.— By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1918

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Young Women and Chivalrous Men

Don't belittle masculine chivalry by violating these rules of etiquette.

A young miss who is taken out by an escort for the first time to dine is reminded that it is a gentleman's prerogative to order for her. Although this piece of advice is directed to the youngster, there are older women who might also profit from the tip. According to masculine squawks, too many women for get that a man does the honors when he takes a lady guest out to dine.

A man not only orders a restaurant meal for his guest but he relays to the waiter any questions which she wishes to ask concerning the food listed on the menu. Don't belittle masculine chivalry by violating these rules of etiquette.

Etiquette also decrees that a man calls out the address to the driver when he accompanies a woman in a taxi. Even if you know the address and your boyfriend doesn't, you permit him to exercise his masculine prerogative by telling him where you are going and allowing him in turn to inform the cabbie.— Nell Drake, 1948

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1914 Engagement Etiquette

Friends of a bridegroom who are unacquainted with the bride’s family send their wedding presents to him, and he forwards them to the bride’s mother, so that they may be on view with the other presents on the wedding day.

An engaged girl should write to her personal friends to tell them the news, while her mother writes to older relatives and friends.

Letters of congratulation in answer to these should be written as soon as possible. Young girls do not write to their men friends to congratulate them on an engagement. They either congratulate them personally or not at all.

It is considered extremely bad form for engaged couples to be too demonstrative in public. They should try to be as natural and unaffected as possible, so as to avoid causing embarrassment to others.

The engagement ring should always be worn once it has been placed in position. It is useful as a friendly warning to any unwary and over susceptible admirers.

Those who invite engaged couples to their houses should make a point of sending them down to dinner together and of doing all in their power to show that they recognize and approve of the engagement.

A girl may dance practically as often as she pleases with her fiance, although, of course, she will do well not to forget entirely all her old friends in this respect.

It is the girl’s privilege to ask any friends she likes to act as her bride’s maids, but it is an understood thing that some relative of the bridegroom shall be among the number.

Friends of a bridegroom who are unacquainted with the bride’s family send their wedding presents to him, and he forwards them to the bride’s mother, so that they may be on view with the other presents on the wedding day.— Trinity Journal, 1914

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Questions on Etiquette for Table Water

Should all bottled waters be served in the same shaped glass? Or do sparkling waters, like beers and champagnes, retain their liveliness in a tall narrow glass rather than in one that is wide and so enables the fizz to dissipate too rapidly? There might also be some foods that require sparkling water, while others that have delicate flavors might best be appreciated with still waters.

Water Inquiries Run Deep

Considering the status bottled waters now enjoy, we can probably expect that soon a new brand of connoisseurship will develop and vintage waters may not be far away. If the wines differ from year to year, why not the waters of a particular spring or well? Is the water from Vichy, Contrexeville, Saratoga or San Pellegrino the same every year and in all seasons, or should bottles be marked with the date of bottling? Should the waters of May cost more than those of December and is 1983 any better than 1982? 

And should all bottled waters be served in the same shaped glass? Or do sparkling waters, like beers and champagnes, retain their liveliness in a tall narrow glass rather than in one that is wide and so enables the fizz to dissipate too rapidly? There might also be some foods that require sparkling water, while others that have delicate flavors might best be appreciated with still waters.

All of this came to mind after reading a letter of complaint about waiters who serve bottled waters that have been opened before being brought to the table. Such a practice is unacceptable when wine is served, because there is always the chance that the wine being poured is not really the bottle’s original contents. The label, therefore, may not accurately describe what is being poured. It might be of humbler origins than the label indicates or it might even be the combined leftovers of other bottles. Etiquette then dictates that wine should be opened in front of the customer.

Why not then water? It is perfectly possible for a domestic club soda to be poured into a bottle marked Perrier, or even for tap water to be used in place of one of the still mi neral waters such as the Italian Fiuggi.

Another annoying practice when serving bottled water is to add ice cubes to chill it. If one wants mineral water for its purity, why then dilute it with the tap water used to make ice? Unfortunately, few restaurants have sufficient refrigerator space to chill bottled waters in advance, but since the sale of such water is highly profitable, proper space should be created.

In Europe, it is not unusual for bottle waters to be chilled in wine coolers, especially if customers order large bottles that must be kept cool but not cold throughout the meal.

The custom of automatically adding lime or lemon to bottled water also seems to be a mistake, for if the clarity and purity of the water itself is to be appreciated, why add the sting of citrus unless it is requested? Even when customers ask to have bottled water plain, it often arrives with the lime already in it. Needless to say, one hopes waiters or busboys would not pour ordinary water into glasses half filled with mineral waters, a gaffe that can be avoided if one type of glass is restricted to plain water only.

Clearly as mineral waters become more popular, more attention will have to be paid to the correct way of serving them, and a prescribed modus operandi seems in order.—By Mimi Sheraton, New York Times Service, 1983

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Etiquette for When In a Street Car

Inquisitive curiosity, talking over private affairs, making unpleasant remarks within hearing of those talked about – these all show the observer that politeness, which is etiquette, is unknown in that quarter.

Upon entering a street car, those who know how to behave will take a seat quietly, without trying to attract attention or in any manner making themselves conspicuous. 

Names should not be mentioned; gossip should be strictly avoided; a pleasant acknowledgment of small courtesies, such as a move to permit of passing and all those small things that in themselves seem of no importance, but in the aggregate speak loudly of the perfection of good breeding or the lack of it, as the case may be.

Inquisitive curiosity, talking over private affairs, making unpleasant remarks within hearing of those talked about – these all show the observer that politeness, which is etiquette, is unknown in that quarter. – The Trinity Journal, 1914

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Good Form and Etiquette of 1914

If you are inviting friends who have visitors staying with them to your house, it is usual to include the visitors in the invitation except in the case of a dinner, when you need not necessarily do so.

• If you return to live in a neighborhood again after a long absence, call on all your friends without waiting for them to call on you first.
• If you are inviting friends who have visitors staying with them to your house, it is usual to include the visitors in the invitation except in the case of a dinner, when you need not necessarily do so. It is not necessary to call on them first, as they are only asked out of compliment to their hostess.
• If at a dinner party there is one extra lady, the hostess generally goes in by herself, following behind the last couple. 
• A hostess should always allow a visitor to enter the carriage before her when going for a drive. 
• When an engagement is announced write your congratulations or give them in person to the prospective bride and bridegroom as soon as possible. – Trinity Journal, 1914

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Etiquette of Calls and the Sexes

A business errand is the only occasion for a call from a woman to a man, and in such a case, the lady calls during his business hours and sends in her name, not her visiting card. 

When Women Call vs When Men Call

Ceremonious calls are not made between women in the morning, evening or on Sunday afternoons. A man, owing to the exactions of business, may call in the evening and on Sunday afternoon. 

A woman should never call on a man socially. A business errand is the only occasion for a call from a woman to a man, and in such a case, the lady calls during his business hours and sends in her name, not her visiting card. –The Morning Union, 1915

 

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Etiquette and Privacy for House Guests

Even a hostess sometimes spoils the privacy of the loveliest of guest chambers by entering it too frequently with inquiries.

When the guest room has an occupant, the children of the household should consider it sacred and should never be allowed to enter or even to knock at its door without first consulting an older head. Even a hostess sometimes spoils the pleasures of the loveliest of guest chambers by entering it too frequently with inquiries. Over entertainment is really worse than none at all. One may assume that a guest may perhaps want to be alone when she seeks her room.–The Morning Union, 1915

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Restaurant Etiquette Tips of 1915

Don’t act like this! – “Eat slowly, act with refinement and remember that you are in a public place. The restaurant is indeed a great test of the true lady and gentleman.”

There should be no conspicuous conduct in a dining room of a hotel or a public restaurant. Do not talk or laugh in a loud tone. Do not dispute with the waiter. Do not look around at other guests in an impertinent manner. Eat slowly, act with refinement and remember that you are in a public place. The restaurant is indeed a great test of the true lady and gentleman. The end of the meal should be followed by your exit from the dining room. 

The lady precedes the gentleman on leaving the restaurant. At the door the gentleman will receive his hat, which has been taken from him on entering. Here, there is a call for a tip of 10 cents if it be a restaurant or a large hotel and if the stay is for just for one meal. There is much protest against this and the concerted action of men is doing much toward minimizing this “holdup.” –The Morning Union, 1915

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Etiquette and Smart Stationery

The correspondence paper for an older woman is more than ever elaborate this year. One style in pale French gray, with a heavy monogram in silver and black is decidedly distinctive. 

Pure white is the most elegant style of stationery, especially for an elderly woman, for the debutante a tinted paper is in very good taste. This comes in pale salmon, oyster blue and in Dresden. Well in from the edge of the sheet and envelope, runs a fine hair line in a darker shade to harmonize with the lighter tint, for instance, the salmon paper has a dull rose hue and the oyster blue a cadet blue hair line. Formerly a monogram was engraved in a corresponding shade in the corner of the sheet, but fashion no longer decrees this. 

The correspondence paper for an older woman is more than ever elaborate this year. One style in pale French gray, with a heavy monogram in silver and black is decidedly distinctive. Likewise a natural colored oak with a dull brown and gold monogram, or perhaps the shaded tints of lavender and violet, with a two tone silver monogram are in good taste for a woman who wishes something that will truly bespeak her personality.– The Los Angeles Herald, 1914

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French Leave Etiquette

Gilded age calling card tray with card. T ake your visiting card and write “P. P. C.” on it, which is the French for “Pour prendre congé” and means “to take leave.” 

Taking French Leave

If you are unexpectedly obliged to leave a town where you have been entertained without returning any calls, send back a card to those to whom you are indebted. Take your visiting card and write “P. P. C.” on it, which is the French for “Pour prendre congé” and means “to take leave.” Send these cards by post to all those to whom you owe calls. This will show that you are not unmindful of them and were prevented from calling.–The Morning Union, 1915

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A Novel 1915 Way to Match Partners

Matching seating partners at one’s dinner party is just as important as what foods will be served and every other detail that goes in to hosting a successful dinner party.

Matching Partners

 A good way to match partners at any social affair is the following: Get two kinds of a variety of candies – say two caramels, two chocolate drops, two peppermint sticks, two gumdrops, two butter scotches, etc… Pass one piece to the men and one to the women, and when candies are matched, partners will be found. Another good way is to match flowers or animal crackers. —The Morning Union, 1915

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Georgian and Regency Era Dining

Amy Willcock was the Best in Show winner for the Professional category in the 2nd Annual Etiquipedia International Place Setting Competition with this spectacular Georgian Era place setting. Amy is an author who contributes to several publications and has authored several books. The following post is an extract from a book she wrote for English Heritage.

The Customs and Culture from the Georgian Era to the Regency Era: An Age of Elegance,        from 1714-1837, with Four Georges and a William (IV), by Amy Willcott

While we can see that so far people were entertaining from Eve taking the apple to up to this moment, the Georgians seemed to take dining to another level.

The middle and professional classes were growing and the aristocracy and gentry were still enjoying the high life but for the majority of the population little advance in their standard of living. Bread and wheat, still a staple went through ups and downs due to wheat prices falling because of a number of bad seasons. Spiced buns and fruit breads were still popular and muffins so popular in the North moved South and were eaten with lots of butter. Butter was extensively eaten from very early times but you could also say that butter, cream and nutmeg were major features of Georgian cookery. Fashionable families built Ice houses and ice was (Edwardians brought it over from America) taken off the estate ponds. It was used for preserving and the making of elaborate Ices- ice cream. 

The English were well known throughout the continent for being massive meat eaters and the enclosure of land and the new game laws made poaching an offence with a death penalty attached to it if caught; making Game highly prized and only legally available through a land owner. Rabbit was still able to be eaten by the ordinary people but hare was not. Jugged Hare was a favourite dish in the 18th century. Fish eating habits changed. Gone were the compulsory “fish days” of the church. Salmon and trout was plentiful but salmon still reigning as the king of fish and was expensive. Towards the end of the Georgian period ice houses were being built along the salmon rivers in Scotland so that Londoners and other towns could enjoy fresh iced packed salmon. One dish that I am glad has not survived is turtle soup. Green turtles would be kept alive in fresh water tanks on ships from the West Indies. 

The skills of the Head Gardeners and the wealth of their employers were shown off in the fruits and vegetables they served in and out of season. The masses still ate greens, roots and potatoes regularly. While the upper classes and the aristocracy were eating asparagus, cucumbers and melons. Pineapples now a little more accessible were the great show off – If you wanted to stick it to your neighbour you grew and served pineapples. Greenhouses were built so that pineapples, grapes, melons, nectarines and peaches could be grown by the great estates. 

Dairies were also a great source of pride so much so that one Gentleman in his 70’s courted a fine Dairy maid and eventually married the dairy maid. Dairy Maids were well known for their beautiful complexions and soft skin. (The reason was down to cox pox – the dariy maids became immune hence the first vaccines) Cream was eaten in abundance and cheese was so popular that cheese mongers ran their own fleet of ships to distribute the cheeses from Liverpool to London. Stilton was named after a village near Peterborough. The landlord of the Bell Inn at Stilton was supplied by his sister in law, a farmer’s wife who made a variety of cheese now known as Stilton although back then it was eaten with a spoon so that you didn’t miss the maggots! Cheese was, for the fashionable set the end of the meal with it being eaten in pieces or in savoury dishes such as Welsh Rabbit. 

Because of the political troubles with France, wines and brandies were not being brought into the country legally and were very expensive, (a lot of smuggling was going on) so wines from Portugal and Spain were drunk instead. The government encouraged the production of home-made wines and brandies to combat the lack of and price of imports. Gin was cheap and widely available. Also known as Geneva, from the French genievre-juniper- that it was estimated that over 9,000 children died in 1751 after being given gin to keep them quiet. 

As well as the rise in spirit drinking Tea was taking the nation by storm and so to was the rise in sugar consumption. The introduction of treacle, a by-product of sugar was used for sweetening cakes and biscuits. Coffee and chocolate while remaining expensive were gaining momentum. Bell calling systems in houses appeared around 1760’s. Georgian kitchens were moved to a separate part of the house and in some cases a whole other wing. The risk of fire was quite high. Cooking ranges became more sophisticated and kitchen equipment and eating utensils changed. 

Eating times changed from mid-day to 3pm around 1780’s but by the early 1800’s it was 7pm. Dining rooms were now fitted out with side boards, wine coolers, knife boxes. The Family plate was shown off -The Georgians were all about showing off the new dining rooms and furniture to great effect. Up until the early part of the 19th century, the furniture was arranged around the room leaving the centre of the room open. By the end of the century, it was fashionable to leave the table and chairs ready for dining. 

Soon into the 1780’s people, especially in the country, started changing for dinner. It was considered important for dinner guests to wash and change into their finery and eating etiquette was moving in fast. By this time the usual seating arrangements of women at one end of the table and men at the other had made way to the “promiscuous” seating arrangements of boy girl boy girl…or should I say gentleman lady gentleman lady! Precedence was hugely important and had to be given great thought.

Huge white table cloths down to the floor were used not only for covering the table but in place of napkins. Although thankfully napkins, which were indeed used earlier, came back into fashion especially in sophisticated house with French habits.

Table decorations were very important to the Georgians. Silver candlesticks, fruit bowls and other silver was laid down the centre of the table and the food was arranged around it then later sugar was molded and shaped into bucolic scenes or seascapes and were placed on mirrors. In some houses porcelain figures adorned the tables. 

Forks were by now three pronged and knives round bladed. Fish was eaten with two forks. It is worth noting that forks were placed face down to avoid lace cuffs catching the tines. Food and Fashion once again intermingling. Glass was still very expensive and “rinsers” were common so one could rinse the same glass before starting a different wine. Porcelain and bone china were being pioneered by the likes of Spode, Worcester and Wedgwood (names still around today) and Chinese porcelain although highly desirable and expensive was making way for English porcelain. 

Food was all brought to the table at the same time, with soup served in large tureens followed by fish then meat. That is why we see so many large silver covers as decoration scattered around dining rooms now. Kitchens today are much closer to the dining room and courses come out one at a time. Dessert was the grand finale to dinner and was a whole course on its own. The table would be deconstructed, cloths removed and everything changed. Fresh napkins, glass dishes and water bowls for rinsing, dipping and freshening of the fingers and mouth – quite disgusting really! 

The dessert was taken to extreme lengths with lots of the confectionery and sweet meats being bought from continental confectioners. Glass tazza’s were piled high and on top of one another in diminishing order and were covered with candied fruits, dried fruits, flowers and sweet meats. All of it shimmering and sparkling against fantastically polished wooden tables. Port, Madeira, claret or sherry would be served. And passed round the table – there are many stories about how and why port is passed to the left - in my research none of them have been conclusive but the one I like the best is a Naval tradition. The Port passes to Port. Port of course being on the left.

The ladies would then withdraw and the men would then and “speak freely” around the dining table. — By Amy Willcock, 2022

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Condolences, the Bereaved and Cards

Persons vary extremely about this, and while some like to see friends, others do not wish their sorrow invaded. It is the privilege of those in mourning to receive or not, as they choose, although after a month one is supposed to be at home to all intimate friends.

Etiquette

Condolences on any bereavement are imperative from all persons who pretend to be polite. To ignore the sorrow through which a friend, even an acquaintance, maybe passing, is to intimate entire indifference.To formal acquaintances a visiting card alone is sufficient, and on hearing of a death in a family, a friend takes her card and that of her husband if she is married and incloses it in an envelope.

Should the person bereaved also be married, and it is not her husband who has died, the regular rule of cards for married persons obtains. That is, the married woman would send one of her own and two of her husband's, one of his being required for both the other man and his wife. If the bereavement is one which leaves a woman a widow, naturally only one card of each would be sent her.

If cards of condolence are going to a man and his wife the envelope should be addressed to both. Nothing is written on the cards, nor is a corner turned. The bit of paste board represents a call which is not made in person, as those in affliction would not be receiving visits.

Visiting Cards Sent After Death Announcement—

The cards should be sent as soon as announcement of the death as soon as announcement of the death is made. It is a very gracious act of courtesy to go within a month to call, but there should be no feeling of an noyance if the visitor is not received. Persons vary extremely about this, and while some like to see friends, others do not wish their sorrow invaded. It is the privilege of those in mourning to receive or not, as they choose, although after a month one is supposed to be at home to all intimate friends.— San Francisco Call, 1908

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Chinese Man’s Coffin

“The rules around death are very important to all members of Chinese society. Special attention is paid to the care of the dead and very specific rules are followed. It is widely believed that bad luck will come to the family that does not honor the rules. In Chinese culture, traditions can vary depending on the deceased’s role in the family, their age, the manner of death, and their position in society. Care for one’s parents is complete and without question, so when a parent or elder dies, funeral planning falls to the eldest son and his children. A parent may not perform funeral planning for their child, so an unmarried person is taken to a funeral home upon death. Chinese rules also say that an older person must not show formal respect to a younger person. A child is therefore buried in silence and no funeral ceremonies are performed.Funeral traditions differ throughout China. Some Chinese people follow Christian beliefs and burial traditions. In Mainland China, there is land available for cemeteries, so Christian burials take place. Some Chinese people believe in the teachings of Buddha. In Hong Kong, the Buddhist practice of cremation is encouraged because the land there is needed for farming.” —Royal Palm Memorial 

The idea of the Chinese man is that when he dies he ought to be buried in the trunk of a tree, and so it comes about that all coffins are designed with a view to keep up the illusion. They consist of four outside tree boards, and are so fashioned together as to look very much like a tree at a little distance. They are, of cource, tremendously heavy; but then that is considered an excellent fault. If a son wishes to be very polite to his father, or one friend desires to obtain the good will of another, he makes him a present of a good, solid, heavy coffin. 

The gift is put in an honored place in the house, ready for use, and is shown for the admiration of any friends who may call. The owner would rather go into his coffin than part with it, and generally speaking, though a Chinaman may get into debt and be very harshly treated by his creditors, they will leave him his coffin, not wishing to prejudice his entry into the next world, which, according to the Celestials, depends very much upon the way in which a man is buried. I was told that half the Chinese living in Hong Kong were already in happy possession of their coffins, and ready to enter them when wanted.— The London Telegraph, 1884

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Vocal Etiquette

There is no one thing that love so much needs as a sweet voice to tell what it means and feels, and it is hard to get it and keep it in the right tone. 

Cultivate a Sweet Voice

There is no power of love so hard to get and keep as a kind voice. A kind hand is deaf and dumb. It may be rough in flesh and blood, yet do the work of a soft heart, and do it with a kind touch. But there is no one thing that love so much needs as a sweet voice to tell what it means and feels, and it is hard to get it and keep it in the right tone. One must start in youth, and be on the watch night and day, at work and play, to get and keep a voice that shall speak at all times the thought of a kind heart, but this is the time when a sharp voice is apt to be got. You often hear boys and girls say words at play with a quick, sharp tone, as if it were the snap of a whip. When one of them gets vexed you will hear a voice that sounds as if it were made up of a snarl, a whine and a bark. 

Such a voice often speaks worse than the heart feels. It shows more ill-will in the tone than in the words. It is often in mirth that one gets a voice of a tone that is short, and sticks to him through life, and stirs up ill-will and grief, and falls like a drop of gull on the sweet joys at home. Such as these get a sharp home voice for use and keep their best voice for those they meet elsewhere, just as they would save their best cakes and pies for guests and all their sour food for their own board. I would say to all boys aim girls, “Use your guest voice at home.” Watch it by day as a pearl of great price, for it will be worth more to you in the days to come than the best pearl hid in the sea. A kind voice is a lark’s song to a hearth and home. It is to the heart what light is to the eye. —Humboldt Times, 1884

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

An Interview with Amy Willcock

The Best in Show Winner for the Etiquette Community in our 2nd Annual Etiquipedia Place Setting Competition is Amy Willcock of the United Kingdom. Amy is shown above with her Georgian Era dinner place setting.

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Amy Willcock is a successful writer of nine cookery and entertainment books. Born in Chicago, she moved to the UK in 1980. Specialising in country living and game recipes, Amy wrote a regular monthly column for The Shooting Gazette for over 19 years writing about food, country lifestyle and gundogs. During the Covid lockdown in Spring 2020, Amy started a new venture, KBO Cakes. The only way she could “send a slice of home” to her children serving in the forces and at university, was to send them a cake. “Nothing says “I’m thinking about you” more than a homemade cake. Everyone needs a little morale booster every now and then” says Amy. www.kbocakes.co.uk Amy was previously in the hotel business - one of which, The George on the Isle of Wight, had a Michelin starred restaurant. Amy held Lifestyle, Cookery and Aga Workshops teaching people to cook, arrange flowers and set beautiful tables along with how to run a house. Her lifestyle and Aga workshops have been described as ‘finishing schools for people in their 30’s’ and Nigella Lawson wrote in Vogue, “Amy Willcock, hand holder to Aga owners everywhere”. She is a founder member of Yarmouth Women’s Institute, the subject of a BBC 4 documentary, and is a WI Cookery and Preserves judge. Amy has appeared on Market Kitchen, Kirstie’s Homemade home, Celebrity Masterchef, and judged the perfect Sunday Lunch with John Torode and Gregg Wallace on Masterchef and is a regular Food and Lifestyle contributor to local radio. Amy lives in Yorkshire where she manages Warter Priory Shoot office, trains her gundogs, endlessly entertaining friends and family.

Amy’s formal Georgian setting was our Best in Show for the Professional and Etiquette Community entries. It is a mix of 18th century elements  that work beautifully together to create a real feel for the era. Starting with the candle light reflecting off of the silver and warm wood, the table is set with the pistol grip handled flatware so common to the time period. The pineapple is the quintessential Georgian fruit to accompany a fine, formal meal... all of these elements, along with the colors chosen, work seamlessly together. We’d love to dine at this table!

A few etiquette notes on Amy’s setting: 

Amy’s place setting and the overall look  and feeling it evoked was absolutely charming. She went into great detail in her description, so we only sent a follow-up request for explanations on each piece of flatware. You will find her explanation below the photo of Amy’s menu,

Six questions for Amy: 

1. How did you choose the menu and various elements you used in your setting and why? Please explain each of the utensils at your setting… For which of the foods on your menu (or course) was each different item intended? 

Amy’s menu is a perfect melange of Georgian fare and suits the setting to a T. The utensils are for the foods as follows: On the far right the small knife is a bread knife and the tablespoon is for soup. The small forks on either side are for fish (fish used to be eaten with two forks before fish knife and fork sets were created in the 19th century.) The joint knife and fork are for the lamb. The pudding-fork and spoon are for Cambridge burnt cream (“they slide down when main course is cleared”) and the small knife closest to the plate is for the dessert course.

“I always cook according to the seasons and what is easy to prepare and serve when you are the cook, hostess and bottlewasher! I collect silver it is a passion of mine along with old glass but I do love William Yeoward glasses.

“Soup spoons didn’t exist in the Georgian era, table spoons were used,which is so sensible – I do not possess a soup spoon!
In the late 17th and early 18th century knives were made of carbon steel and would taint delicate foods such as fish so two silver forks would be used. Much later in Victorian times silver fish knives and forks were used, although some are very beautiful, I use small silver forks and pistol handled knives with stainless steel blades and set two forks at dinner parties and it’s always fun to watch you guests try and figure out what is going on.

“I am rather fond of three pronged forks as you can see and my pistol handled knives do have very old blades so they need a bit of TLC every now and then. Rack of Lamb is so tender it should cut like butter and of course it is quite correct to pick up the bones and eat, just remember to give everyone a finger bowl after the main course!

“Cambridge Burnt cream is a delicious thick cold custard topped with a layer of crispy caramelised burnt sugar so a good whack with a sliver spoon will do the trick in England, apart from ice cream we always serve “pudding” as we call the sweet course, with a fork and spoon. 

The dessert course is always fruit, nuts, and sweetmeats – little candied bon bons made of marzipan and dates. That’s also where the pineapple comes in and you will see form the photo that the pineapple is taken out of it’s skin and then reassembled back inside, rather cleverly acting as a table decoration and fruit course.”

2. Why did you choose this particular period in time to set your table? Please go into as much detail as you can.

“I love everything about the Georgian period – the silver, the architecture, the china etc… that is when the dining room came into it’s own.”

Later this month we will be posting an extract from a book Amy wrote for English Heritage.

3. How, if at all, did Covid-related social restrictions affect your choice of setting? Were you ready to celebrate? Feeling in the mood to do something different? Etc…

I live in the middle of the country and covid had very little effect really except entertaining was out, but I still set a beautiful table every day.

4. Have you always enjoyed a properly set table? Or, if not, was the table setting something you learned to enjoy through your social life and/or business later on in life?

My mother always insisted on a properly laid table at every meal – breakfast lunch and dinner–  and never put a milk bottle on the table! I have always loved setting fun, beautiful tables. In the UK Tea is served around 4-5 pm and was usually served in the drawing room or sitting room, delicious little sandwiches, and cake- FYI cake would not be served with cake forks! High tea would be things like cottage pie or boiled egg and soldiers for children around 5pm. A properly laid table transforms whatever you are eating, even if it is just bread and cheese. My biggest tip is use everything all the time, don’t save anything for “best”, enjoy everything. I love Joan Didion’s reply when she was asked why she used the good silver every day, Didion replied, “Well every day is all there is.”

5. Did you do any research on table setting etiquette before setting your elements at the table? 

I entered the professional section as I have written, lectured and worked on tables in stately houses such as Castle Howard in Yorkshire extensively.

6. Do you plan on entering again next year? 

Definitely!

More on AmyWillcock–

Nigella Lawson wrote in Vogue, “Amy Willcock, hand holder to Aga owners everywhere”

Books published by Ebury Press

Amy Willcock’s Aga Bible

Troubleshooting tips for your Aga

Cooking for One

At home with Amy Willcock

Amy Willcock’s B&B Know How

Amy Willcock’s Aga Seasons

Amy Willcock’s Aga Know How

Amy Willcock’s Aga Baking

Aga Cooking

Magazines– Amy is a contributor to The Shooting Gazette, Country Life, The Lady, Aga Living, Homes and Garden, Country Kitchen, Waitrose.   

Elizabeth Soos and I would both like to congratulate Amy on her award winning setting. We are honored that she entered our contest and love meeting others who are so willing to share their talents, enthusiasm for etiquette, and their wealth of knowledge. Congratulations!

 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia