Etiquette Make’s One a Finer Person

Marjabelle Young Stewart’s photo from the back of her 1969 book, ‘Stand Up, Shake Hands, Say “How Do You Do”’

Good etiquette is just a sense, in a matter of speaking

She was the “Empress of Etiquette,” the “Queen of Courtesy” to her legions of readers. She was a protegee of Mrs. Meriwether Post and Mamie Eisenhower, and frequent guest at the White House. She moved from the nation’s capital to the “hog capital of the world” 37 years ago. Marjabelle Young Stewart reigned over her etiquette empire with books, videos, lectures and interviews with no hint of slowing down. With 21 books to her credit, in 2005 she was promoting “The Complete Wedding Planner.” 

According to Stewart at that time, etiquette books were outselling cookbooks. Her message was simple and consistent: Etiquette is a key to clear communication, a protocol for professional success, a tool for a happy and productive life. “Etiquette can take you where you want to go faster than a speeding BMW,” she said. “Good manners take you places money can't.” Etiquette is also the common-sense nuts and bolts of life. “Don't end up at the wedding with a wad of soggy, wet Kleenex. Be sure to take a lace-edged hankie,” she admonished. Stewart said her knowledge of etiquette started with on-the-job training. “I went from a 17-year-old girl in Council Bluffs, Iowa, to the wife of an international scientist in Washington, D.C.,” she said. “I became a ‘sipper.’ I'd sip my drink and look over and see what fork or spoon others at the table were using. It was on-the-job training at the highest level.” 

Mellowed by decades of weddings, state dinners and formal entertaining, Stewart said the ultimate goal of etiquette is to make others feel comfortable. She recalled a White House dinner with then-President George H.W. Bush, father of the current president, and his guests from Asia, where the custom is to serve a clear broth at the end of the meal. When White House staff served finger bowls at the end of the meal, guests were startled to see the Asian diplomats pick up the finger bowls and drink the contents. Without hesitation, Bush picked up his finger bowl and toasted his American guests, indicating they should follow suit. Everyone at the table drank the contents of their finger bowls. “That is etiquette,” said Stewart. 

“Etiquette is knowledge, not to criticize others with or to put on airs, but to make you a finer person. Use etiquette to make your family and friends, acquaintances and colleagues feel like royalty.” — From an article by Clare Howard, for the Copley News Service, 2005

Marjabelle Young Stewart died in 2007

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Posture and Table Etiquette

"I always want to cross my legs under the table. Most men do, I believe.” And why not? It is a comfortable position. It enables one to sit more erect, too, at the table, and gives one a more graceful pose. I do not know what etiquette says about one’s legs and feet during meal time, but I suppose it goes no further than to suggest that they should be kept under the table, which is correct, I ween.

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For centuries, Asians and Middle Easterners, among many other groups, have dined at low tables, sitting on the floor with their legs crossed, while tall dining tables with accompanying chairs became the norm throughout the US. and Europe.

Western Dining Tables Badly Designed 

Only Now and Then is One Under Which a Man Can Cross His Legs

“I have discovered a very great defect in the architecture of the dining table,” remarked an epicure yesterday, “and the defect is universal. I have found in my time but very few tables built after my ideal, and it seems to me that some man interested in matters of this sort ought to start a revolution along these lines. When I sit down to a meal I want to rest. Eating and resting ought to go together. Restfulness at meal time, absolute comfort at the table and good food of the wholesome kind are things that will commend themselves to most men. Now, I have what I call a meal-time hobby. I always want to cross my legs under the table. Most men do, I believe.”

And why not? It is a comfortable position. It enables one to sit more erect, too, at the table, and gives one a more graceful pose. I do not know what etiquette says about one’s legs and feet during meal time, but I suppose it goes no further than to suggest that they should be kept under the table, which is correct, I ween. But I insist that among my inalienable rights is the right to cross my legs, and to cross them under the mahogany at that, if it pleases me so to do and adds to my comfort. 

What other people may think about it does not count for so much as a whit. And yet, it is a fact that one rarely enjoys this gracious privilege, because of the awkward, grotesque and unhappy character of the dining table. The tables ought to be made differently. They ought to be roomier, so that a fellow would have ample space in which to cross his legs if it pleases him to do so. Of course, if one does not want to cross one’s legs at meal time one need not do it, so the change could do no harm.—New Orleans Times Democrat, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️Etiquette Encyclopedia