Differing Etiquette and Continents

Europeans hold the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right and, when food is cut, it is carried to the mouth by the left hand. The knife is always in use, not only for cutting, but also for pushing and for dabbing gravy onto the potatoes and other such useful functions. There are some differences between the English and the Continentals, for though both keep forks in the left hand, the English keep the tines turned over and pile food onto the back of the fork. Beginning with meat as a platform, they may smooth on potatoes into which they press peas and then transport the whole mouthful at once.

Why are American manners different?

Because most American customs and rules of etiquette are drawn from those of Europe, any that differ are of special interest. How did the differences come about and what do they represent, if anything? I have always wondered, for example, why Americans who greet one another by kissing do so with a single kiss on one cheek, while Europeans always buss both cheeks, and sometimes do so twice, for a total of four kisses. Are we less affectionate than Europeans, or merely busier and so anxious to cut our kissing time in half? Similarly and equally inexplicably, Americans differ from Europeans in their use of the knife and fork. 

Europeans hold the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right and, when food is cut, it is carried to the mouth by the left hand. The knife is always in use, not only for cutting, but also for pushing and for dabbing gravy onto the potatoes and other such useful functions. There are some differences between the English and the Continentals, for though both keep forks in the left hand, the English keep the tines turned over and pile food onto the back of the fork. Beginning with meat as a platform, they may smooth on potatoes into which they press peas and then transport the whole mouthful at once. Other Europeans turn the tines over after cutting and push food onto the fork with a knife. But for many years American etiquette dictated that the fork must be switched to the right hand after the food is cut, and that the knife should rest on the edge of the plate. During actual eating, the left hand was supposed to lie idle on the lap. 

This cumbersome and awkward switching of hands continues today even though it was declared out of date as far back as 1948 in “Vogue’s Book of Etiquette,” written by Millicent Fenwick, who was then an associate editor of Vogue and is now the United States representative to the United Nations Food and Agricultural Organization in Rome. After describing the old rule, Mrs. Fenwick wrote, “Today, it is reversed so commonly that the left-handed method is almost preferred to the other. Both are perfectly good usage, but it is now axiomatic that whenever food is cut with a knife, the left hand can quite naturally carry it up to the mouth.” Even though the European method is smoother and more efficient, as any time-motion study would prove, most Americans persist in this “zig-zag” method, as it is described in “The New Emily Post’s Etiquette” by Elizabeth L. Post. The author suggests that Americans are reluctant to follow the European method because they feel it would be “putting on airs to adopt a foreign way of eating.” Mrs. Post advises, “I can see nothing wrong in adopting a custom that seems more practical than your own.” 

Letitia Baldrige, who revised “The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette,” also considers the Continental style more “sensible.” In preparing this book, which was published in 1978, Miss Baldrige tried in vain to discover how the zig-zag method developed in the United States. “I even called the Library of Congress but they could not come up with anything,” she said. “English nannies,” she continued, “always teach children to pile food up on the back of the fork because that is the quickest way to get the meal over with. Also, the food tastes delicious that way.” (Miss Baldrige also said she had been told that double kissing was meant to bless both sides of the brain.) 

Perhaps in the early days of our country, the change in rules was a populist protest against royalists. Or, as a European friend suggested, onehanded eating may be a holdover from frontier days, when it was necessary to keep one hand at the ready for self defense. Left-handed Americans have, perhaps, the best of both worlds. Those I know hold the fork in the right hand, cut with the knife in the left hand and eat without changing hands. – By Mimi Sheraton, N.Y. Times News Service, 1983

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber,is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dining Style Etiquette History

“For Americans, it is more proper to eat American-style and it looks silly to eat European-style if you were not born in Europe. I'm a firm believer, for which I get a great deal of hate mail, that the American style is more dignified, slower, more complicated, as opposed to a quick shove-it-in method. People who use the European style point out that it is more efficient. But I say efficiency is not a virtue when it comes to stuffing food in your face. It is not proper etiquette or good for your health. Doctors don't ever say: ‘You're not eating fast enough.’ I am a great believer in American etiquette for Americans on all counts. Our forefathers wanted an American etiquette that would reflect the egalitarianism of America and not Europe, that was based on court life. My feelings get stirred up when I hear people arguing vehemently for aping European ways when we have a much more sophisticated and aesthetically pleasing American standard of our own. I agree with Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson and George Washington, who wrote that Americans should have a dignified American etiquette.”– Miss Manners

Continental Dining  vs American Dining  

I admit, I am part of the American minority that refuses to juggle my eating utensils. I cut, hack and slash with the knife in my right hand and sling the food to my gaping mouth with the fork in my left hand. This makes me both a no-nonsense and continental kind of guy. Or so I've been told by no less an authority than myself. But what do the professional etiquette experts say about the conflicting techniques– the American way and the way the rest of us chow down? Before I get into that, I have learned that being a professional etiquette arbiter is a tougher job than it used to be.

Listen to Letitia Baldrige, the renowned author of eight etiquette books, who says: “Social manners have changed dramatically. Kids today and for the last 20 years have held the fork and knife in unbelievable ways. They hold the fork with a fist and the knife like a saw and they shovel it in. It doesn't matter to them which way they hold their knife and fork. They eat every which way. I'm amazed they get food into their mouths at all.” As for Ms. Baldrige's personal preference, she's on my side and prefers the labor-efficient continental approach.

“It is a much easier way to eat. It is much neater and there is no banging of flatware. Eating American-style, you put the knife down and clang. Continental is silent and efficient. But some people think it is faddish and elitist. We're the only people in the world who eat this way, putting the knife down and changing the fork from the left to the right hand.” Why do we do it? The custom of American eating was the way everyone ate until about 1840. In 1852 it came out in a French etiquette book that if you wanted to eat in a more fashionable manner, you would not switch the fork to the other hand. Before long, Europeans of all classes started using that style. In certain business sectors, if you don't eat continental-style, you look as if you just got off the cabbage truck. A strong believer in the American style is Judith Martin, who has written the Miss Manners column since 1978 and is author of four Miss Manners books.

“For Americans, it is more proper to eat American-style and it looks silly to eat European-style if you were not born in Europe. I'm a firm believer, for which I get a great deal of hate mail, that the American style is more dignified, slower, more complicated, as opposed to a quick shove-it-in method. People who use the European style point out that it is more efficient. But I say efficiency is not a virtue when it comes to stuffing food in your face. It is not proper etiquette or good for your health. Doctors don't ever say: ‘You're not eating fast enough.’ I am a great believer in American etiquette for Americans on all counts. Our forefathers wanted an American etiquette that would reflect the egalitarianism of America and not Europe, that was based on court life.

“My feelings get stirred up when I hear people arguing vehemently for aping European ways when we have a much more sophisticated and aesthetically pleasing American standard of our own. I agree with Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson and George Washington, who wrote that Americans should have a dignified American etiquette.” Well, thanks a lot, Ms. Martin. Here we are, talking about how to get grub from the plate to our chompers, and you make me feel like a subversive. 

The final comment I leave for Ms. Baldrige, who offered this nugget of indisputable wisdom: “It is most important to eat neatly. You are a dining success if you don't get food on your clothes.” The next time we consider etiquette, we will look into the question of the proper way to share table scraps with our dog. Do you let it get up on the table, as I prefer? Or do you just toss the tidbits over your shoulder and let the lively little creature make a leaping catch, as my wife enjoys doing? No, no, I meant that the dog makes a leaping catch, not my wife. See? I just can't avoid conflict. - From a 1996 article by Mike Royko for the Chicago Tribune

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Old Etiquette "Don'ts" for Dining, That Are Still Good Today

It is always a law of politeness to incommode one's self rather than incommode others...

Don't leave your knife and fork on your plate when you send it for a second supply. (This rule is disputed by the English. The logic of the question, however, proves the correctness of the rule for it is not easy to place food up on the plate already occupied by a knife and fork. It is always a law of politeness to incommode one's self rather than incommode others, so the problem of what to do with your dinner tools should be your own problem, rather than that of the hosts. The handles of knives and forks are leaded so that the blades or tines will not soil the cloth when rested upon the table. Or, one may with a little skill hold his knife and fork without awkwardness.)

Don't reject bits of bone or other substances by spitting them back into the plate. Quietly eject them upon your fork, holding it to your lips and place them up on the plate. Fruit stones may be removed with the fingers.

Don't trowel butter across an unbroken slice of bread.

Don't bite your bread: break it with your hand.

Don't trowel butter across an unbroken slice of bread.

Don't stretch across another's plate to reach anything.

Don't apply to your neighbor to pass articles when the servant is at hand.

Don't finger articles: don't play with your napkin or your goblet or your fork or with anything.

Don't mop your face or beard with a napkin. Draw it across your lips neatly.

Don't forget that the lady sitting at your side...

Don't turn your back to one person for the purpose of talking with another; don't talk across the one seated next to you.

Don't forget that the lady sitting at your side has the first claim upon your attention. A lady at your side must not be neglected, whether you have been introduced to her or not.

Don't talk when your mouth is full.

–From “Don't: A Manual of Mistakes and Improprieties more or less prevalent in Conduct and Speech,” by Oliver Bell Bunce 1884

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia