Improving Soviet Etiquette and More

In 1969, publishers Funk and Wagnalls came out with a replica edition of Emily Post’s 1922 book, “Etiquette” for $10.00– for $6.95, they also came out with Elizabeth Post’s revised 12th edition of the same book. A writer compared the two books. – Photo above, Elizabeth Post, circa 1969

In a Manner of Speaking, Etiquette in Soviet Is Improving

SOCIAL behavior in at least one Socialist state is undergoing an unmistakable refinement, according to the woman who has updated Emily Post's “Etiquette.” Elizabeth Post, whose husband is a grandson of Emily Post, made the observation following a recent European tour.

“A realization that tourists are being alienated has prompted campaigns in the Soviet Union to improve the service of waiters, taxi drivers and bellboys,” said Mrs. Post. But, she added, the over-all attitude remained “just plain unhelpful.” Mrs. Post also said that attempts were being made to glamorize the assembly-line approach to weddings and that the Soviet Government was encouraging engagements – complete with formal announcements – something previously considered unnecessary and bourgeois.

In Germany, the second stop on her tour, she found that United States servicemen and their wives could upset the local population by seemingly small matters – by having cookouts or washing cars on Sunday (the Germans observe the Sabbath strictly) or by leaving clothes lines up with no clothes on them. In England, her last stop, she found things had changed vastly since Emily Post used the British as the models of formal behavior. She found them as relaxed as Americans, and more interested in discussing the miniskirt than manners.

Mrs. Post plans to write a book about “individual differences in etiquette abroad” for the benefit of travelers. She feels it is important because “if we have better manners on a big scale, we will have less war and more understanding.” Her updating of Emily Post's “Etiquette” is published by Funk and Wagnall. Pocket Books will publish a condensed version next month.

When Emily Post was asked to write the original book, which was published in 1922, she is reported to have sniffed and said: “It’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of.” It was only when she was shown some manuscripts and found them to be unduly concerned with salad forks and impressing the neighbors that she capitulated. “I got involved somewhat by mistake – just as Emily did,” Mrs. Post said recently, from behind her desk at the Emily Post Institute in the Pan Am Building. 

“The Institute decided, not long after Emily's death in 1960, that the book should be updated. Several writers were tried but they either wrote well and knew nothing about etiquette or vice versa. One night my husband brought home one of the manuscripts to look at,” she continued. “He showed it to me and, without thinking, I said I could do it better myself.”

Now that her four children are grown, Mrs. Post can devote time to answering the many letters received on etiquette questions at the Institute – most of which are from women. Meanwhile, Mr. Post is more concerned with equipping heavy-duty trucks. He is president of Hobbs Equipment in Norwalk, Conn. “Etiquette isn't going out of style, judging by the tremendous amount of interest people show in it,” Mrs. Post said. “It's just that the emphasis has changed – and should have changed. It used to be rather a rigid business. I think the basis now is consideration.”– By Nan Ickeringill, NYT, 1967

Etiquette Enthusiast©, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia

1958 Soviet Socialist Etiquette, Pt 2

From Part 1: People should not be forced to drink at the table. Forcing a person to drink more than he wishes is a sign of bad taste. When a lot of toasts are made, you must not always drink to the bottom. The glass should be held at the stem and not raised too high.

Russians Briefed on Socialist Social Conduct, Part 2

If Emily Post were to visit the Soviet Union she would probably be both amused and horrified by the state of etiquette here. Officially, etiquette does not exist in comradely, friendly Soviet society, for it implies the cold superficiality of bourgeois and Court life. As with both things here, etiquette is politics. 

For 40 years no effort at all was made to “inculcate” manners. But now, four decades, dozens of steel mills and thousands of collective farms after the revolution — with the advent of pink kapron (nylon) stockings, washing machines and frozen green peas — etiquette is being re-emphasized in Russian life.

The most important exposition of the new etiquette line has appeared in a volume called “For a Healthy Way of Life.” Among other things, this book treats of the material and moral foundations of Soviet life, the preparation of healthy food, hair hygiene, care of the teeth, how to dress tastefully, and how to have good manners.

Here are a few excerpts from the chapter on good manners, written by N. Gordienko:

Personal Hygiene and Dress

• Everyone knows how necessary it is for good health and vigor to wash several times a day, clean the teeth morning and evening, go to the bath house or take a bath weekly (and in summer oftener), and so on. Yet, not all have developed in themselves a habit of doing these things constantly and under all conditions.
• Any person who adheres to the rule of hygiene will not eat or drink from poorly washed dishes or will not wipe his face with a dirty towel.
• He will not permit children to wipe their eyes with their hands but will teach them to use their handkerchief. 
• Being neat himself, he will manifest concern for cleanliness around him. 
• He will not extinguish a cigarette on a chair or drop ashes on the floor.

Women

• The same general concern as shown to elderly people is merited by the Soviet woman — our mother, wife and child. This is natural. The Soviet woman selflessly labors side by side with the man. She manifests a tender, maternal concern for children, creates family welfare and comfort and has an ennobling influence on everybody. Finally, she is physically weaker than a man and this must be taken into consideration.
• On the street, the woman walks to the right of the man (except with the military, and then to the left). 
• It is not tactful to leave your woman partner on meeting someone in the street. 
• If you have to talk to this person, introduce your partner and conduct the conversation.

Behavior in Clubs and Theatres

• At the theatre, movie, circus or stadium the woman is always offered the better seat.
• In many rural (and not rural) clubs, you can often see boys and girls eating sunflower seeds and when they leave there's a big pile of shells. There is no need to prove that such practices (eating nuts in public places) should not be done.
• If you are with a woman at the theatre, it is indecent to read a book during the intermission. 
• You should not make remarks during the performance.

Living in a Communal Apartment

• A well-bred person will not turn the radio set on full force, will not sing loudly and on leaving will not forget to turn off the radio. 
• He has the habit of knocking on the door before entering a neighbor's apartment.— T. Frankel for The NY Times, 1958

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

1958 Soviet Socialist Etiquette

For 40 years no effort at all was made to “inculcate” manners. But now, four decades, dozens of steel mills and thousands of collective farms after the revolution — with the advent of pink kapron (nylon) stockings, washing machines and frozen green peas — etiquette is being re-emphasized in Russian life... Although good manners are created by the people, they came to us from the bourgeois Court society which imprinted upon them their class coloring, and in many cases, distorted their very essence. Bourgeois morals consider manners as a kind of screen behind which one can can conceal the surrounding people's one's true essence.

Russians Briefed on Socialist Social Conduct

If Emily Post were to visit the Soviet Union she would probably be both amused and horrified by the state of etiquette here. Officially, etiquette does not exist in comradely, friendly Soviet society, for it implies the cold superficiality of bourgeois and Court life. As with both things here, etiquette is politics. 

For 40 years no effort at all was made to “inculcate” manners. But now, four decades, dozens of steel mills and thousands of collective farms after the revolution — with the advent of pink kapron (nylon) stockings, washing machines and frozen green peas — etiquette is being re-emphasized in Russian life.

The most important exposition of the new etiquette line has appeared in a volume called “For a Healthy Way of Life.” Among other things, this book treats of the material and moral foundations of Soviet life, the preparation of healthy food, hair hygiene, care of the teeth, how to dress tastefully, and how to have good manners.

Here are a few excerpts from the chapter on good manners, written by N. Gordienko:

Bourgeois and Socialist Etiquette

If good manners serve as a certain manifestation of good breeding how then can one explain the distrust and at times scornful attitude toward them by some people? Why are these manners sometimes considered “trifles” which allegedly do not deserve attention and are even considered as remnants of capitalism?

Although good manners are created by the people, they came to us from the bourgeois Court society which imprinted upon them their class coloring, and in many cases, distorted their very essence. Bourgeois morals consider manners as a kind of screen behind which one can can conceal the surrounding people's one's true essence.

In socialist society we're all together. Different relationships have been established between people. Manners are completely freed from those alien distortions to which they are subjected in bourgeois and Court societies and they become the outward expression of the high internal culture of the Soviet man.

Being a Guest or Having Guests

• At the table, the man pays attention to the woman sitting to his right, not forgetting, of course, the woman sitting to his left.
• People should not be forced to drink at the table. Forcing a person to drink more than he wishes is a sign of bad taste.
• When a lot of toasts are made, you must not always drink to the bottom.
• The glass should be held at the stem and not raised too high.

Table Manners

• One must observe the necessary hygienic and aesthetic requirements. One must not sit down at the table without washing one's hands. 
• While eating, one must sit straight, not too far and not too close to the table. 
• One must not bend too much over the plate, nor rest ones chest or elbows on the table. 
• Keep legs near the chair and not stretched out under the table. 
• Some have had the bad habit of looking at papers or books while eating. 
• At the table it is improper to gesticulate.
• When pouring soup, do not pour out a full plate since some may spill over. If it is hot it can be cooled by noiselessly stirring with a spoon. Do not blow on it or you will soil the tablecloth.
• Meat dishes, “weenies” and chops are eaten with a knife and fork, but do not slice or cut everything up at once. You should cut off piece by piece. While doing this, of course, the knife should be held in the right hand and the fork in the left. 
• You never eat off a knife.
• When you are eating fish, you usually do not use a knife. This is dictated by reasonable measures of safety, for when cutting fish with a knife you may accidentally cut and swallow a small bone.
• Fruit compote is eaten with dessert spoons and if there are none, then with teaspoons. 
• Fruit pits are soundlessly spit out into the spoon by bringing the spoon up to your lip then dropping them on the plate or saucer.
• Tea, coffee, cocoa and milk are not poured full into the glass or cup. 
• You usually do not drink from the saucer.
• It is not recommended to take food from platters with your own spoon and fork. This is unhygienic and is not pleasant for the other people. — T. Frankel for The NY Times, 1958

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Cold War Russians

The closest person there was to a “Soviet Amy Vanderbilt,” was a book entitled “Soviet Etiquette.” It was published in 1974.

Russians Offered Etiquette Tips; A tongue-in-cheek editorial from the Cold War era

The Russians... Those people who have disdained etiquette for years as a “petty bourgeois pretention.” "The Literary Gazette" of the USSR reported a few months ago that "interest in etiquette today is more extensive than ever.” But literature on the subject is practically nonexistent. A Russian graduate reportedly said, "The only etiquette books I’ve ever seen were from Poland. "I don’t know what we can learn from them." 

"Soviet Etiquette" is one brief collection published a few years ago. But even it gives the most basic and pedantic advice. For example: “Never dance while drunk, smoking or wearing a hat. While eating ice cream in a theater, never hold your cone over your neighbor’s lap." 

I’ll go along with that, but it’s obvious that they could use more expert counsel. So— naturally I have come to the rescue. Feel free to clip out the following advice, translate it to Russian and forward it to any Nikolai or Anastasia. 

When it comes to eating, for instance, few people have had more experience than I. Here are a few tips: 

• If you are invited to dinner, don’t ask for a doggy bag to take home all the leftovers. 
• It's gross to tuck your napkin under your chin even if you are trying to hide a dirty shirt or an offensive tie.
• Refrain from talking with your mouth full when eating spaghetti. Your date will find it difficult to remove sauce from her blouse. 
• It shows good manners to slurp soup but never elbow the person next to you in the eye when you drink from you bowl. 
• If you spill your coffee, don't use your date's scarf to mop it up. 
• It's acceptable to eat peas with a knife, but if you drop one, don’t try to find it on your hands and knees. The dog will get it. 
• Also, if you drop your knife on the floor, don't pick it up. 
• You can butter your bread with your fork handle.
• Never drink water from your finger bowl even during a drought. 
• If you start choking on a piece of meat, make sure you point out to your hostess that it isn’t her fault before you pass out.         

A men's Homburg hat ~ “Years ago I also talked to Amy Vanderbilt about proper introductions...” 

• Never introduce a girl to a boy unless he is rich, famous and single and—or the girl is desperate. 
• If you do have calling cards printed, it is considered gauche to have “available" stamped on them. 
• When introducing a poor friend to a rich one, don't point out the yearly salary of each. 
• Never accept a blind date unless you know the person well. 
• Your appearance cannot be underestimated. If you don't have black shoes to wear with your tux, make sure your sneakers are clean. 
• Hats are not worn with an evening dress especially Homburgs. 
• Perfume should not be so excessive that someone in a passing car is aware of it.
• Heavy cosmetics are a no-no even if your date prefers men that way. —The Desert Sun, 1977

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia