The Etiquette of Twin Coat Buttons

“If you put their inception back into the time when the big square art embroidered and gorgeously lined overcoats were worn, two centuries ago, and when the gallants of the time were wont to go forth on dress parade with the sword at the side and ready to resent any informality of etiquette, you will find that in order to reach the side arm more readily the skirts of the coat were turned back in a reverse shaped way and buttoned or looped upon two buttons at the back placed as these are at the present day.” – Image source, Pinterest : Coat National Trust Inventory Number 1348779 Date 1760 - 1770 Materials Linen, Silk, Silk twill, Steel Collection Snowshill Wade Costume Collection, Gloucestershire (Accredited Museum)

For many years the two buttons have figured at the waist line of the back of the man's skirt or frock coat. Now, why are they there? For ornament and effect? Not so, originally, for these two buttons were at their beginning for service and not for decoration. 

If you put their inception back into the time when the big square art embroidered and gorgeously lined overcoats were worn, two centuries ago, and when the gallants of the time were wont to go forth on dress parade with the sword at the side and ready to resent any informality of etiquette, you will find that in order to reach the side arm more readily the skirts of the coat were turned back in a reverse shaped way and buttoned or looped upon two buttons at the back placed as these are at the present day. 

In this way they secured an immunity from drapery when the command came, “Draw and defend thyself,” and at the same time exploited a segment of the rich inside of the skirt of the coat in a very effective way. The tinsel, the side arm, the court etiquette, the duello and the gorgeous flowered texture of the coat have gone before, but those two buttons remain on the tail coats of to-day, a suggestion of that period of laces, brocades and romance. — Lewiston Journal, February 14, 1891

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Streetcar Manners in France

The majority concluded that the temper of the age would not permit any such social revolution. The episode has excited considerable attention in Paris, where there is general mourning over the decadence of French manners.—1889 Steam Powered French Tram — Public Domain Image

The hog claims even the historically polite France for his own. At a discussion by the town council of Havre upon the regulations for city car lines one member, complained that in these days men sitting in a car never thought of giving their places to women, even though the latter might have to stand outside on the platforms in the rain. 

He moved the adoption of a bylaw empowering conductors to compel men seated in the interior to surrender their places to women outside. Several other councillors gallantly supported the motion, but the majority concluded that the temper of the age would not permit any such social revolution. The episode has excited considerable attention in Paris, where there is general mourning over the decadence of French manners. — Exchange, 1890

  🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Woman’s Refusal of Good Manners

When did chivalry die? When did women openly refuse to accept chivalric behavior from men? Many people will say it was after women went to work in WWII and “won their freedom,” but others will say it was in the 1960’s with the advent of Women’s Lib and “the Pill.” Gathering from this news’ account from 1904, chivalry was spurned much earlier than people suspect!  

A little newspaper anecdote the other day bears entertainingly on this mooted question. “Keep your seat, sir,” said a young lady, authoritatively, to an elderly gentleman who seemed about to rise in a street car. He sank back, abashed, but presently, more resolutely, rose, and the lady with emphasis exclaimed: “I will not take your seat, I do not mind standing! I am accustomed to it.” “Take the seat, madam, or leave it,” answered the gentleman; “I want to get out of the car.”

The bad manners of women on the road are inexcusable from every point of view. Why should a woman occupy two seats when she has paid for only one? Yet this is constantly done. A woman seats herself comfortably and then piles her bundles and boxes beside her, staring stonily ahead, when others enter the conveyance. The natural inference of newcomers is that the extra seat is being reserved for a friend, and they pass on without inquiry. If a more daring person ventures to ask, “Madam, is this seat taken?” the “No” is grudgingly spoken, and the luggage is removed with an air of injury.

Women are needlessly brusque and curt in their manner to conductors, and are conspicuously thoughtless in allowing their children to monopolize space to which the latter have no right.— From “Good Manners for All Occasions,” 1904

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Young Women and Chivalrous Men

Don't belittle masculine chivalry by violating these rules of etiquette.

A young miss who is taken out by an escort for the first time to dine is reminded that it is a gentleman's prerogative to order for her. Although this piece of advice is directed to the youngster, there are older women who might also profit from the tip. According to masculine squawks, too many women for get that a man does the honors when he takes a lady guest out to dine.

A man not only orders a restaurant meal for his guest but he relays to the waiter any questions which she wishes to ask concerning the food listed on the menu. Don't belittle masculine chivalry by violating these rules of etiquette.

Etiquette also decrees that a man calls out the address to the driver when he accompanies a woman in a taxi. Even if you know the address and your boyfriend doesn't, you permit him to exercise his masculine prerogative by telling him where you are going and allowing him in turn to inform the cabbie.— Nell Drake, 1948

🍽 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

British Coronation Etiquette – William the Conqueror

The Normans introduced chivalry to Britain – Savage in their warfare, William and the Normans were more civilised in their politics. Before 1066, the English political elite had routinely resorted to murdering their political rivals, as they would do again in the later Middle Ages. But for more than two centuries after the Conquest, chivalry prevailed, and political killing became taboo. “No man dared slay another, no matter what wrong he had done him”, said the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle in its summary of the plus points of William’s reign. Waltheof of Northumbria, beheaded in 1076, was the only Earl to be executed after the Norman takeover. The next execution of an Earl in England occurred in 1306, some 230 years later. – From Medieval Archives.com

Remarkable incidents in this most important occasion of a British ruler’s life. Striking features of ceremony from the earliest day to the last great Coronation event of the 19th Century

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The Coronation of England’s William the Conqueror  

In the age of the Plantagenets, Tudors and under the Stuarts, until the Coronation of James II, it was customary for Kings to reside in the Tower of London for some time, previous to the Coronation. On the Saturday before the Coronation, the Sovereign went from Westminster to the Tower of London, attended by great numbers of the Nobility and civic dignitaries, and by those people who were to be Knighted, and who watched their arms that night. Each squire had a chamber allotted him, and a bath in which he bathed. The ensuing day after mass, the Sovereign created them Knights. After their investiture they were permitted to sit down in the King's presence, but during the whole time of dinner, they were rot allowed to partake of any part, of the entertainment. The Queens in their own right, Mary and Elizabeth, though they girded the swords on the Knights with their own-hands, did not give the accolade or blow, which is the determinate action that impresses the character of Knighthood. At both Coronations, Henry, Earl of Arundel, performed this office. A copy of his appointment is to be found in Rymer.

After William had taken the Coronation oath, to protect the church, prohibit oppression and execute judgment in mercy, Aldred put the question, “Will ye have this Prince to be your King?” The people answered with loud shouts, and the noise gave so much alarm to the Norman garrison in the city, that the soldiers, believing the English to have revolted, without waiting to make any investigation, immediately set the next houses on fire, which, spreading and giving a general alarm, most of the congregation rushed out of the church, the English hastening to stop the fire and the Normans to plunder. The bishops, clergy and monks, who remained within the church, were in such confusion that they were scarce able to go through the office of crowning the King. William himself, who saw the tumult, and could not conjecture its cause, sate trembling at the foot of the altar, and, though no great mischief was done by the fire, it laid the foundation of a long and inveterate enmity between the English and the Normans. –San Francisco Call, 1901

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A Street Car Etiquette Fail

“Street Car etiquette is developing in so many directions just now, that one must be prepared for anything... It occurred to me that this was probably the very latest development.” 1899 – (Above) A horse drawn street car, from 20 years earlier than this article. By 1899, most street cars were motorized in the US, but few had any heat in them during cold weather, so hay or carpets were put down on the floors to make riders more comfortable, but the drivers continued to have no protection from the elements.

Before Chivalry Died, It Was Obviously Ailing

“An Unexpected Courtesy”

“I was returning home with a small traveling bag in my hands,” says the woman, “and as it chanced to be just at the rush hours and the cars crowded, of course, I did not have a seat. But I was standing beside a gentlemanly young man who had a seat, and who, I soon saw, was also possessed of a kind heart.” ‘Can’t I hold your bag for you?’ he asked, politely, raising his hat. “I own I was a little surprised at first, but Street Car etiquette is developing in so many directions just now, that one must be prepared for anything. For a moment, I hardly knew what to say, and then, as it occurred to me that this was probably the very latest development, and it would not be well to check any one’s courteous inclinations, I thanked the young man, handed him my bag, which he held and sat until I reached my destination, while I stood in front of him.”—New York Times, 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Chivalry Breached

It’s such a shame that cads often arrive in nice packaging. – 

“Is their chivalry toward woman a loose garment for occasional wear?”

Masculine "Chivalry?" Hardly!

Three cases of social decorum have recently been recorded in the news columns, which, because of their similar nature and their similarity in offensiveness, merit attention together: 

• At Bayside, a clubman passing the night at a friend's house sought to enter the room of a young girl. The household was awakened by the girl's cries and the intruder expelled from the premises and disgraced so far as the publicity of his expulsion can disgrace him. 
• At Cape May a number of young men, "at least one of them belonging to a prominent Philadelphia family," invaded the home of George G. Browning in his absence, and insulted his wife and daughters. 
• At Bar Harbor a lieutenant in the United States Navy, making a call on a young widow, conducted himself in such a manner that his behavior is now the subject of a Court of Inquiry. 

In each of these breaches of decorum the offender, it will be observed, was a man of social standing. What is the explanation of the laxity of morals shown? Is the summer time at the seashore a period of license, or does it happen that some of our "gentlemen" are so only in the outward veneer of good manners? Is their chivalry toward woman a loose garment for occasional wear? These three offenses of almost simultaneous occurrence are very painful to record.—New York Evening World, 1903

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and French Chivalry

During the age of chivalry, knights raised the visor to indicate friendliness. An interesting phase in the development of our etiquette and custom of gentlemen raising their hats.

"The great mediaeval social system known in history as chivalry was founded in France during the 11th century. This system of chivalry revolutionized the manners, morals, tastes, amusements, ethics of France, and, later, of England, Italy, and other European countries. 

The system of knight errantry, or chivalry, began about the middle of the 11th century and was originated by some nobles who had become ashamed of their lives of brigandage. At the age of seven every boy of noble birth was apprenticed to some great Lord as page, and trained to knighthood. He was taught honour, chivalry, truth, refinement. The highest ideals were inculculated in him. 

Frank Alvah Parsons says: 'This system may properly be said to have sounded the deathknell of heathen barbarism and to have marked the beginning of Christian civilization as we know it to-day.'

During the next three centuries many external conditions changed the manners and customs of France, making them heavy, formal, dull. There were the Crusades, in themselves most romantic and with a delightful history, but bringing into France new and strange tastes and customs. And there were the wars which threw the country into chaos. The decline of spirit of mediaevalism and chivalry at the end of the 14th century was followed by the gradual decay of the ideals and the courtesies that began in the time of Henry I." —From Lillian Eichler's, Customs of Mankind

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Hat Tippng Etiquette and History

“Tipping of the hat is a conventional gesture of politeness. This hat tipping custom has the same origin as military saluting, which came from the raising of medieval Knights face visors to show friendliness.” - from “Ask Andy About Clothes” website

The custom of a man tipping his hat to others derived from an ancient practice. When knights in medieval times wanted to express friendly intent, they would raise their face masks and reveal their faces. The practice of saluting is also derived from this friendly exchange between knights.  Lifting one's armor mask eventually evolved into the custom of “tipping” or “doffing” one's hat to greet or acknowledge another, women in particular.  

“If a gentleman meets a gentleman, he may salute him by touching his hat without removing it, but if a lady be with either gentleman, both hats must be lifted in salutation. If a gentleman stops to speak to a lady, in the street, he must hold his hat in his hand during the interview, unless she requests him to replace it. With a gentleman friend etiquette does not require this formality.” - From Frosts Laws and By-Laws of American Society, 1869

“This practice also evolved into the removal of one's hat when entering a building...”

Knights would remove their helmet when entering a building  to signify  a peaceful position, since a knight could not fight or defend himself without the helmet.  Since the removal of his helmet made him vulnerable, it informed others that combat or any type of violence was not his motive. This practice also evolved into the removal of one's hat when entering a building, when hearing the national anthem and in different situations where they would not be going back out in public immediately. Men would hold their hats in their hand when speaking with a lady but would put it back on when they began to walk together if out in public.

 
Hat Tipping Etiquette

When a gentleman lifts his hat, he does not tip it when he meets or passes a woman he knows or when he is with someone who greets a woman acquaintance.  If he simply passes a woman or if he has to greet her, he falls into step beside her, he replaces his hat at once. Usually if they stop and chat for a moment he stands bareheaded. If the thermometer were hovering in the neighborhood of zero he would probably dispense with this courtesy after a moment - even if the woman did not, as she should ask him to replace his hat. 

When a man passes another man of his own age whom he knows, he merely touches his hat with his fingers. For an older, or very distinguished man, he lifts it. When a lady enters an elevator man takes off his hat. In the corridor of the building he usually keeps it on. In the elevators of office buildings in stores, which are public places, he need not remove his hat, though he often does. When a man passes a woman in a narrow corridor when he does her a trifling service, such as picking up something which she has dropped, or when he is with the woman for whom some other man does a service, he lifts his hat. 

He lifts his hat when the national flag passes, when a funeral goes by, if he belongs to certain religions or when he passes a church.  When a man lifts his hat to a stranger he does not look at the other person. When he lifts it to a friend or acquaintance he usually smiles and bows with whatever degree of cordiality best expresses their relationship. – Margery Wilson, from "Pocketbook of Etiquette" 1937

This common courtesy has its roots in codes of conduct and communication from ancient practices to ensure a peaceful position was maintained in certain situations, and continues with us today.

Submitted by Demita Usher of Social Graces and Savoir Faire