Gilded Age Ball and Music Etiquette

At fashionable private balls in New York houses, an orchestra of stringed instruments, or one of the famous Hungarian bands, discourses sweet music for the entire evening from behind a screen of palms and tropical plants. – Photo: Alison Cohen Rosa/Courtesy of HBO via X / Twitter

It is no longer the fashion to have a formal opening, a “Grand March,” or anything of that sort for balls given in private houses or even in halls or assembly rooms, except in the case of a few functions given by clubs and military organizations. The dancing begins as soon as half a dozen or so couples have arrived. 

Naturally, the bigger the ball the larger the orchestra engaged to play for the festivities. At fashionable private balls in New York houses, an orchestra of stringed instruments, or one of the famous Hungarian bands, discourses sweet music for the entire evening from behind a screen of palms and tropical plants. For a smaller dance an orchestra of three or four pieces is all that is necessary, while for informal affairs and small country dances the piano alone can be made to suffice. 

The waltz and the two-step, varied by an occasional set of lancers and the cotillion, sometimes called the german, are about all the dances that society cares to indulge in at present. When the cotillion is danced it usually begins directly after supper, unless the entire evening is to be devoted to it. – Copyright, 1905, by A. S. Barnes & Co.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early 20th C. Cotillion Fads

“These are the latest cotillion favors sent over from Paris. As you will see, Royalty has been beheaded to please French and American pleasure loving people. The favors are made of paper cut in fanciful designs with papier-mâché heads, respectively of the Emperor of Germany and the Czar of Russia, surmounting the base. The wand-like handles are made of wood round with pretty colored ribbons finished with long streamers and loops.”

 ——————————————————

Just 18 years earlier, and 4 years prior to the start of WWI, the popular cotillion favors fad of 1910 made news, due to their unusual nature. They were ribboned  wands with the heads of Royals atop them. By 1928, both men were gone from their once powerful thrones, due to the war and the subsequent Russian Revolution, and nostalgia brought back the cotillion dances of a bygone era.

Back to Old Dances

Washington — Turning completely away from the jazz of recent years, Washington society this winter will revive the stately, old-fashioned cotillion as quite the latest and most correct thing in dancing. Debutantes who figure largely on the season’s calendar are eagerly planning lengthened frocks of frills and furbelows to match the dignified figures of the cotillion. 

They are consulting hair dressers concerning false knots of curls to attach to their bobbed locks. Invitations for the first of the affairs to be given at the Mayflower Hotel, December 10th, by the Washington Bachelors are already out. The list of the committee in charge is thickly sprinkled with honorables and generals and commanders.

All sorts of novel stunts and favors are being planned. There will be two orchestras, one imported from New York. Favors, by which the men will find their partners, will eclipse anything seen in Washington for many a day. The older members of the Bachelors’ club who are versed in the ceremonious etiquette of a former day, when society shone in stately splendor instead of scintillating jazz, will lead the younger generation through the figures of the cotillion. 

Not alone the cotillions, but the fact that many of the season’s debutantes will emerge into the social limelight with not only one coming-out party, but two, makes this season unique. Heretofore, one tea or one ball was deemed sufficient to give Miss Debbie her due, but now many of the younger set are demanding both. — Coronado Eagle and Journal, 1928

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber , is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dancing Party Etiquette

“Either the man or maid servant who opens the front door must remain in the hall, giving clear directions of the way to the dressing-rooms. There should be a capable woman always in attendance in this same apartment for the taking off of wraps, buttoning gloves and adjusting shoes. On the dressing table there should be all the feminine appurtenances of the toilet, such as shoe and glove buttoners, hairpins, large and small toilet perfumery and face powder, the maid remaining during the evening in the room to repair dresses if a stitch gives way daring the dancing hours.” — Shown above, an 1892 patent for cord clasps for ladies dress gloves.

Four Elements  Essential:

Effective Decorations, Illuminations, the Supper and the Music

There are four elements essential to a successful dancing party — effective decorations, brilliant illuminations, a well appointed supper and tbe best of music, as many string pieces as the hostess can afford. Lemonade, tempered with apollinaris water, is appropriately served in a punchbowl at one end of the reception-room. 

Either the man or maid servant who opens the front door must remain in the hall, giving clear directions of the way to the dressing-rooms. There should be a capable woman always in attendance in this same apartment for the taking off of wraps, buttoning gloves and adjusting shoes. 

On the dressing table there should be all the feminine appurtenances of the toilet, such as shoe and glove buttoners, hairpins, large and small toilet perfumery and face powder, the maid remaining during the evening in the room to repair dresses if a stitch gives way daring the dancing hours. If dancing is to take the form of a cotillon, chairs should be provided for the mothers or chaperons ; all other furniture being removed, and breakable objects carefully stored away for that one night. 

Young girls ought to dress in light colors of gauze-like materials or fluffy stuffs, combined with delicate silks. But all costumes should be selected to enhance the youthful appearance, while the elders wear demi-toilets becoming the occasion. The hostess can receive her guests alone, or if she has daughters or young friends, they can assist her. But the eldest son, or some young man friend, should be for that evening the master of ceremonies, making himself generally useful in arranging affairs. 

The hostess stands near the drawing room door, her daughters or young friends a few feet away, yet near enough to receive the guests before the dancing commences. A young lady enters the room first, her chaperon following. If there are ladies without a chaperone coming with their maid, then the eldest should take precedence. But generally the chaperon is on hand. A young married lady, accompanied by her husband naturally takes precedence. But to enter leaning on the arm of her husband is in very bad taste. 

The dancing should be begun by the eldest daughter of the house, the hostess selecting for her partner her nearest kinsman or friend. A basket of flowers sent the same day of the dance to the hostess of the occasion is a graceful attention. And a gentleman can, in good taste, send a box of loose flowers to any young lady whom he knows will be his partner in the cotilion. 

Young ladies after a dance, request their partners to leave them with their chaperones after the german. Young women would do well to remember that new dances appear nearly every season, and to be a success as a dancer it is necessary to acquire the last new ballroom step.

Either the hostess, or one of her family, should be the persons selected when an introduction is desired at a dancing party. All good waltzers are eagerly sought after, but care should be taken that no one gentleman should have this favor extended to him too often.

A young lady refusing one gentleman for a dance and accepting another, is a breach of social etiquette. If a refusal is once given, then she should not dance in that set, whatever it may be. The clever hostess takes care that all guests have partners. The “wallflower” is unknown in the house of a good social leader.

The host leads, with the most distinguished lady present, the way to the supper-room, the hostess being the last person to enter. A young lady can be taken into supper by some gentleman who desires to do this duty for her, and it is to him alone she should expect attention at this time. — San Francisco Call, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Etiquette of Dance, 1860

The greatest familiarity between persons of opposite sexes, is, a gentleman placing one hand on a lady’s waist, while she rests one hand on his shoulder and holds his disengaged hand in the other. 

Mrs. Swisshelm on Dancing – It is worthy of note, that those churches and people who most strenuously oppose dancing, have already encouraged and practiced it under other names. Like the temperance man who would not drink cider, but had no objection to a glass of apple juice, our opponents of dancing have their children taught the art under the name of Calisthenics, and practice it when it is called Plays. For it is a remarkable fact, that those old time favorites of religious communities, ‘Dear Sister Phoebe,’ ‘Ring Round Rosy,’ ‘All a Marching to Quebec,’ ‘The White Cockade,’ ‘Copenhagen,’ etc., etc., are, every one of them, cotillions and contra dances, performed to vocal and instrumental music. 

The difference between the religious dance, is that in the former, every man in the room is compelled, on pain of breach of etiquette, to kiss every woman in the room; and, vice versa, that it is quite in order for married women to sit down on the knees of young gentlemen, put their arms around their necks, bring two pair of lips together with a smack, and do any amount of hugging. While, in a profane dance, even those of most doubtful propriety, the greatest familiarity between persons of opposite sexes, is, a gentleman placing one hand on a lady’s waist, while she rests one hand on his shoulder and holds his disengaged hand in the other. The churches, therefore, who set up rules against dancing, are fairly and squarely committed to the doctrine that promiscuous dancing is all right, and pious, and innocent, provided it is accompanied by promiscuous kissing, with a suitable amount of hugging and general rough and tumble. While, without these refining and elevating additions it is an evil on evil, and that continually. 

There is no escaping this conclusion, for the anti-dancing churches and Christians are too openly committed in favor of these vulgar plays for an intelligent man to deny, that either they have acted blindly, or that the kissing and hugging sanctifies the dancing. Now, since all the experience of the past proves that people will dance, even grave and reverend deacons, we are in favor of the dancing without the etceteras. But, apart from all comparisons, we regard dancing as a positive good, as something which requires no apology, but is inherently right in itself, and efficient means of perfecting, refining and cultivating the crowning work of God’s creation, a means appointed and directly approved by the Creator himself! It is liable to abuse, and the object of reformers should be to regulate, not to abolish it. – St. Cloud Democrat, 1860

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia