Advice for Young Women in 1930

“Maybe youth is flaming," says flapper Fannie, "because hose is only used for display purposes.” – From “Girligags”

Dorothy Dix’s Letter Box

What Is There to Make a Woman Glad in Marriage?

Dear Miss Dix—I don’t agree with you that it is impossible to hand out a patented formula for making a girl attractive to men. There is an old, attested recipe that my mother used when she was a girl, and she taught it to me and I have handed it down to my daughter, and it still works in this modern day just as it did in the old mid-Victorian period because all men of all ages are alike. For a conversational line tell 'em that they are great and wonderful and big boys. 

Learn how to do things—how to swim, play tennis, golf and so on. And especially how to dance. Find out what a boy’s favorite sport is and get him to teach it to you. Learn how to do it well enough to keep him interested, but never get proficient enough to beat him. Don’t ever try to be brilliant or show off before a man. Keep the spotlight on him. And always surround an unattractive girl with plenty of other girls who have it. They will draw the man and the homely sister gels the left-overs. Try this rule, it never fails. – The Flapper Mother of a Flapper Daughter 

Answer: These are words of gold framed in silver which every girl who wishes to make a hit with men should hang over her dressing table, for, as my correspondent says, men are pretty much of a muchness as far as their taste is concerned and the poor fish are still caught with the same bail that the lady fishermen have used from generation to generation. Doubtless the first thing that Eve said to Adam as she rolled her eyes, at him and gave him the once over was to exclaim about how big and strong and wonderful be was and tell him that she fell for him the first time that she saw him. And Adam, lent an attentive ear, as every man has ever done ever since when a woman talked to him about himself and decided in his own mind that she was a young person of superior taste and judgment and so entertaining that he could go on listening to her forever. 

Nor do men want to discuss high-browed subjects with women. When they talk about the Einstein theory and the modern movements in literature and art and politics, they want to talk with other men. And no woman makes a greater mistake than in trying to be humorous with men. Men don’t like funny women. Nor women who laugh too much. They always have an uneasy suspicion that she is laughing at them. Therefore, the woman who is a good talker with men talks to them about themselves to the exclusion of any other topic. She is the human questionnaire. She asks them minutely about their childhood, about how they succeeded in business, about their golf or their car, and she listens with bated breath while they tell the stories of their lives and how they pulled off a deal or sold a bit of goods or w hat Mr. Hoover should do about prohibition. 

Then, in this day, girls have to be up and doing. Gone are the halcyon times when men sought out the shrinking violet. Now a maiden has to be not only a sunflower but one who takes the precaution of planting herself right in a man’s way so that he stumbles over her if she gets noticed. In other words, she has to be Sally on the spot. That is why so many girls who do not need to support themselves are going into business. They don't sit at home and suck their thumbs and wait for some fairy prince to come riding by and save them. They go down inlo the offices where the good chances are and where they have the opportunity of plying their arts and wiles on men at close range. Many girls who are homely avoid being seen out with pretty girls because they fear comparisons. This is a mistake. 

Every plain girl should hunt up the best-looking girl she can find for a running mate, because the pretty girl will attract the boys and that will give her a chance to do her stuff. For beauties do not always wear well on closer acquaintance. Nearly always they are egotistic and selfish and like to show their power by ordering men about, and this does not make a hit with the sex that likes to have the kowtowing done to it. So here is where Little Plain Face gets in her deadly work. She is so much sweeter, so much less self-centered, so willing and anxious to be pleased and so appreciative of every attention that oftener than not she wins out instead of the beauty. So perhaps the formula for a girl making herself popular with men can be summed up into me phrase: keep a man pleased with himself and he will be pleased with you. – Dorothy Dix, 1930

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Cultivating Popularly

As an Agony Aunt, Estelle Lawton Lindsey’s name is known by few. Dale Carnegie’s name, however, is recognized around the world. One of Carnegie’s core beliefs was that a person could change the behavior of others, by changing one’s behavior toward them. The author lecturer, and developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. Was himself born into poverty. He became a household name with the popular book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” in 1936. It’s remains a popular, bestseller today. His legacy lives on in the numerous “Dale Carnegie Training Courses” which have been held worldwide, since his death in 1955. -Photo source, Wikipedia 

Carnegie Book Gives Advice in Platitudes 

Lest you set down these few remarks as the products of envy, let me say right here that Dale Carnegie is a wise and provident member of the literary set, his satisfied smile announces the success of his “big idea” and his sales accent the willingness of Mr. and Mrs. Average American Citizen to accept all kinds of nostrums, like the “Ham and Eggs” initiative measure without testing the statements of the proponents. 

I’ve just been reading over his formula for the cultivation of popularity and as I read, I thought of the millions of women who are buying this season’s hats because they are popular, the hats I mean. Some of Dale’s rules are right. They have for years been accepted as part and parcel of the code practiced by the well bred. For example, “be depended upon to do what you say you will.” My generation knew it as “ladies and gentlemen keep their words.” 

“Keep clothing neat and tidy,” as commonplace in any decent circle, an accepted part of any business office code. Clean nails are more greatly to be desired than a knowledge of ancient history. “Do not reprimand people who displease you.” “Do not be bold or nervy.” “Do not lose your temper.” In short refrain from behaving as a bore. “Do not be lazy.” Did the gentleman ever meet lazy people who attracted people as honey attracts bees? If not, where did he make his observations? 

And this, oh my! “Smile pleasantly at all times.” That formula belongs in a book on etiquette for Cheshire cats. A smile ought to mean something but when the human face freezes into a meaningless grin there are people so constituted, that they take up their hats and flee. Are you one of them? – By Estelle Lawton Lindsey, 1936

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Success

With no manners, it means he's no social success.

“Success without culture is like old-fashioned strawberry short cake without the whipped cream. It has no flavor."

"There are certain little courteous observances, certain social formalities that bespeak the true lady, the true gentlemen. Some of us call it good form. Some of us call it culture. Some of us call it etiquette. But we all admit that it makes the world a better place to live in.


In Italy, young men and women are considered ben educato, not when they can read and write, but when they know the established forms of convention—when they can show by a correct dignity and ease of manner that they are perfect in their knowledge of the rules of good society. And, after all, don't you yourself judge people by what they do, and say, and wear? Don't you read in their manner and appearance the secret of their inner worth? Isn't character and disposition revealed in the outer personality?


Perhaps you have heard the story of the "gentleman" who prided himself on being perfect in the art of etiquette. On one occasion, he passed a lake and heard a drowning man call for help. Quickly he threw off his coat and was about to plunge into the water, when he suddenly remembered that he had never been introduced to the struggling victim. Putting on his coat again, he proceeded on his way quite self-satisfied.


This is an instance where common-sense would have been the better part of etiquette. Too rigid an observance of the laws of good society makes them nothing short of an absurdity. The purpose of correct manners is not to enable us to strut about in society and command the admiring glances of the people around us—as the peacock, in its vanity, parades before onlookers in a proud dignity that is quite obviously assumed. The true service of etiquette is so to strengthen and simplify the social life that we are able to do what is absolutely correct and right without even stopping to think about it.” — From Lillian Eichler's, 1924, “Book of Etiquette–Volume I.”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Moderator for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Popularity

“As a rule, the unpopularity of women is a verdict pronounced upon them by their own sex.” – A full purse never made one popular, or acceptable, by some women. But neither did a family name, or snobbery for that matter.

The Woman Who Is A Favorite with Everybody In Their Social World 

What is the secret of being "a popular woman," as the phrase is understood in society? There are some women who are extremely popular with their own sex, who have many women friends, but who are not popular with the opposite sex. Again, there are many women who are most popular with men, but who are unpopular with women, and are undeniably bored if thrown much in their company. As a rule, the unpopularity of women is a verdict pronounced upon them by their own sex.


Men proverbially make the best of women; if there is anything pleasant to be said about them they say it, and "a handful of good looks" weighs greatly in a woman's favor from a man's point of view. A woman must be very stupid, dull, disagreeable and plain before a man will boldly confess that "he can't get on with her."


Unpopularity is derived from various sources. A woman may be piquaute, pretty and pleasant; she may live in good style and do all that fashionable women do in the way of society engagements, and yet be extremely unpopular with both men and women. Her women friends are afraid of her, and her men friends never feel sure of her because her perceptions of the foibles and weaknesses of her friends are so keen and so little tempered by genuine good nature that no one escapes from the sting made by her apparently innocent remarks.


Another type of the unpopular woman is the one with a chilling manner and 'standoffish' demeanor, who, when she would thaw, cannot do so with any graciousness; though really kind hearted and duty loving, she is as unpopular in society as a woman can well be.


A brusque manner renders a woman unpopular until her friends know her well; but acquaintances seldom get as far as this; therefore to the end of the chapter she remains the brusque, unpopular woman still. Egotism is a formidable barrier to popularity. Women of this type are agreeable only so far as the topics of conversation concern themselves, their aims, interests, amusements, etc...


Popularity is a like diversity with unpopularity. Some women are immensely popular because they are what is termed "good company;" they have high spirits, they are witty and full of good natured repartee, they provoke geniality by their natural vivacity, that this is a popularity not to be acquired, being the outcome of a gift.


A woman can never be thoroughly popular unless, added to favorable position, she has an innate sweet disposition, is considerate, winning of speech and manner and has the gift of saying at all times the thing that will give the most pleasure. When a clever woman is also a truly kindly one she is liked by all classes and is foremost among popular women. – Los Angeles Herald, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Edwardian Ethical Recipes for "Curing Tongues" and Unpopularity

"Scandal and Gossip:  Scandal is the least excusable of all conversational vulgarities. Envy prompts the tongue of the slanderer. Jealousy is the disturber of the harmony of all interests. A writer on this subject says: 'Gossip is a troublesome sort of insect that only buzzes about your ears and never bites deep; slander is the beast of prey that leaps upon you from its den and tears you in pieces. Slander is the proper object of rage; gossip of contempt.' Those who best understand the nature of gossip and slander, if the victims of both, will take no notice of the former, but will allow no slander of themselves to go unrefuted during their lifetime, to spring up in a hydra-headed attack upon their children. No woman can be too sensitive as to any charges affecting her moral character, whether in the influence of her companionship, or in the influence of her writings.” ~ John H. Young's 1879 “Our Deportment / Or the Manners, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined Society.”

Cured Tongue

Peaceful silence; meditation on the good qualities of your neighbors.  Rub the tongue with this mixture every day.

Spirit of praise; sympathy instead of curiosity; conversation on impersonal topics. Make a strong solution of these, skim as long as the scum of adverse criticism arises. Pour it over the tongue daily. Examine the solution frequently and skim whenever necessary. This treatment will cure any tongue of the gossip twang.

Cure for Unpopularity - I 

Unpopularity is usually the result of a poisoned or anemic condition of the enveloping aura of the person afflicted.

Hatred, fault-finding, suspicion and all kindred feelings toward one's fellow beings emit a miasmatic taint which will be consciously or subtly felt by those who come into his soul atmosphere.

Remedy

A charity which positively rejoices in finding good qualities in one's neighbors, two ounces.

A frank friendliness which draws its own kind from other hearts and disarms slights, three ounces. A yearning not only to be blessed but to bless, two ounces.

“News which has a universal interest is always a legitimate subject of discussion. Personal news which has only the interest of gossip or scandal is never permitted among cultured people, no more than are physiological facts or the records of criminology. It is a safe rule to speak of things rather than of persons.” ~ Edith B. Ordway's 1918, “The Etiquette of To-Day”

Cure for Unpopularity - II

Self-absorption, chilling reserve of manner, bluntness and indifference, or fear and fretfulness, make one's personal atmosphere cold, colorless and lacking in magnetic force.

Remedy

The cure for this condition lies in daily exercise. First, open the doors of your soul; then vigorously radiate upon others the warmth of sympathy and appreciation. Finally, exercise all your faculties of entertainment until you are in a glow with humor, beautiful with responsive thought, and rhythmic with harmony. Practice these exercises upon all who come into your presence and you will magnetize your social ether.

From ~ Isabel Goodhue's “Good Things: Ethical Recipes for Feast Days and Other Days, with Graces for All the Days,” 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia