Gilded Age Etiquette and the Curtsey

The lady who favoured our Queen and her family with affable little nods and warmly shook hands with the Sovereign at one famous Drawing-Room is not yet forgotten, and has been the cause of many a hearty laugh. Another, the heel of whose shoe caught in her skirts, and who could not get up after her curtsey, and had to be carried from the Presence Chamber after the fashion of the old game of “Honey pots,” caused etiquette to be forgotten at the strictest Court in the world, a broad smile appearing on the Queen's own face, while the young Princesses tittered irrepressibly, and the Princess of Wales bit her pretty lips.

“The old-fashioned curtsey”

GIRLS are never taught to curtsey now, as they used to be. A real, old-fashioned “courtesy,” as it used to be spelled, is quite an elaborate performance. First, you draw back the right foot, getting it straight behind the other, and down you go, as far as the suppleness of your limbs will permit, coming up to the “recover” with all the weight on the right foot, and the left pointed out most daintily.

A curtsey is about the only thing in the world that is helped out by the high-heeled shoe. The only trace of this old-fashioned and very graceful bit of deportment is the deep reverence made by the ladies at Her Majesty’s Drawing- Rooms. Some of them perform it with practiced aplomb. Others never achieve it. There is a very pretty young Princess who plumps down with an alarming suddenness that always makes the Royal circle covertly smile.

Even when making the ordinary “bob” to Royalty on less ceremonious occasions, this lovely girl strikes her heel against the floor with a bump that seems to have arrived straight from the maddest moment of a merry breakdown. A well-known infinite grace, repeating it before the various members of the Royal circle at Drawing-Rooms, that the Queen's eyes invariably follow her with a glance of pleased approbation. A handsome countess of regal appearance makes a very imposing obeisance, but it is too stiff to be really graceful.

Among the numerous Americans presented, some carry themselves into the presence of Royalty with a truly republican air of equality and fraternity, contenting themselves with bowing to the Queen, as they would to their hostess of an afternoon reception. Others who have studied the matter more deeply, sink low with a willowy grace, just brushing with their lips the plump little white hand extended to them, then rising with a slightly backward movement that seems to accept dismissal and tacitly to disclaim any desire to unnecessary intrusion. “Quite theatrical!” said a very plump dowager of such a performance. Every one else had admired it. But perhaps the consciousness of an over-allowance of adipose tissue and blooming plumptitude, had rendered the dear lady inappreciative of slender grace and languorous ease in others.

The Queen is a lover of beauty, and a keen judge of it, both in form and face. The débutante whose appearance evokes a word of pleased comment from Her Majesty is always safe to be one of the beauties of her first season. And the Royal memory for faces is an excellent one. Any one who has had an opportunity of seeing the Queen walk through the lane of guests at a Royal garden party, Royal concert, or at any public function, will remember the glances cast from side to side, noting every face, keenly alive and discerning, awake to every circumstance and incident.

When listening to addresses or long speeches an expression of weariness, sometimes amounting to indifference and even apathy, occasionally settles down on the Royal countenance. Oh, those long addresses! How many years of Her Majesty’s life would be totaled up if the bad quarters of an hour spent in hearing addresses were laid end to end and make up into one huge sum of patient endurance? But when face to face with her people the Queen is full of quick perception. So beauty and grace do not go unrecognised at our Court of England. Nor do less agreeable characteristics.

The lady who favoured our Queen and her family with affable little nods and warmly shook hands with the Sovereign at one famous Drawing-Room is not yet forgotten, and has been the cause of many a hearty laugh. Another, the heel of whose shoe caught in her skirts, and who could not get up after her curtsey, and had to be carried from the Presence Chamber after the fashion of the old game of “Honey pots,” caused etiquette to be forgotten at the strictest Court in the world, a broad smile appearing on the Queen's own face, while the young Princesses tittered irrepressibly, and the Princess of Wales bit her pretty lips. The Prince looked as if he longed to give one of his great guffaws. Another memorable lady lost part of her bodice, and had to retire hastily in much confusion, wrapping herself in her train. All these incidents are remembered and credited to the correct names by one whose mind is not so much “ta’en up wi’ the things o’ the State,” as not to reserve a shelf for minor matters.

The Royal disapprobation of cosmetics, hair-dyes, and other forms of insincerity in personal appearance is not veiled in any way. To the application, or misapplication, of rouge society has become hardened, but when it is plastered on in quantities that defeat the very object of deception, for which it is used, a little open for which it is used, a little open comment from those in high places has worked wonders in reducing the evil. The cosmetic epidemic comes and goes like Bob Acres’ courage, but, unlike it, will never wholly disappear. — Manners for Women, by Mrs. Humphry, “Madge of Truth”, 1897

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

British Royal Curtsey Etiquette

        

Queen Elizabeth II meeting with Norwegian royalty. Note the curtsey… – “There are no obligatory codes of behavior when meeting The Queen or a member of the Royal Family, but many people wish to observe the traditional forms.” – People Magazine
–Image source, Pinterest

According to the royal family's website, which has yet to be updated in full following the death of Queen Elizabeth in September 2022, “There are no obligatory codes of behavior when meeting The Queen or a member of the Royal Family, but many people wish to observe the traditional forms.”

“For men, this is a neck bow (from the head only) whilst women do a small curtsy. Other people prefer simply to shake hands in the usual way,” the page states.

As a gesture of respect, Princess Kate has dipped into deep curtsies to greet King Charles and Queen Camilla during formal events like the Order of the Garter ceremony day and their May coronation at Westminster Abbey. 

Her curtsies to the royal couple at the second annual Royal Carols: Together at Christmas last December even went viral online, though fans may have been surprised to see that Prince George and Princess Charlotte didn’t bow or curtsy as well.

The protocol around that goes back to their young age. Because George and Charlotte are children, they are not required to do so while greeting the King or Queen. – People Magazine, October, 2023

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

American Girls and Curtsey Etiquette

A proper curtsey to Queen Elizabeth II.
— Image source, Pinterest

Claim Girls Not Learning How To Walk

Most American girls do not know how to walk, dance or sit down, says Eveline McCullagh, authority on Royal Court etiquette. She's co-producer of the National Baby and Children's Show August 4 to 12.

Miss McCullagh’s business, among other things, is to train debutantes for presentation at court. She says: “It's appalling how ignorant American girls are about the rudiments of carriage and deportment. They slump. They giggle. They speak a strange patois of their own. They comb their hair in public. Most of them do not even know how to make a proper curtsy, for goodness sake!”

This decorative lady, who is given to large picture hats and flashing jewelry, was born in England of Irish parentage. She studied as a concert pianist in her childhood and took up the teaching of ballroom dancing and court etiquette when the family fortunes wavered.

Between tours of the United States, Miss McCullagh teaches the finer points of ballroom dancing to assorted royalty and financial moguls in the 60-room family home in England, which includes a 100-foot ballroom.

Among her pupils have been such notables as the Duke of Kent, King Alphonso of Spain, King Farouk, the King of Siam, the Maharajah and Maharanee of Patiala, India, and some of the better known American movie stars, such as Bob Hope, Van Johnson, Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer— By Dorothy Roe, AP Women’ s Editor, Santa Cruz Sentinel, 1956

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Handshakes for a King and Queen

Officials point out that President and Mrs. Roosevelt will be standing in line with the King and Queen when most of their big moments come. And Americans have been shaking their Presidents’ hands for years. Some bow slightly; others don't. Not many men want to appear ludicrous by saying “How-do-you do” to the President, then bowing low and backing off from the King and Queen, only to walk forward again for Mrs. Roosevelt’s hand shake.

British Royalty to be Greeted with Handshakes

WASHINGTON, May 12.- (AP) - The minute fraction of the Nation’s population which actually will meet the King and Queen of Great Britain here next month is getting ready for good old American handshakes.

For weeks, these men and women have been batted back and forth between the curtsy-or-don't, bow-or faint school of thought. The final consensus is that being Americans, they will act as Americans usually do at White House and other formal functions.

Officials point out that President and Mrs. Roosevelt will be standing in line with the King and Queen when most of their big moments come. And Americans have been shaking their Presidents’ hands for years. Some bow slightly; others don't.

Not many men want to appear ludicrous by saying “How-do-you do” to the President, then bowing low and backing off from the King and Queen, only to walk forward again for Mrs. Roosevelt’s hand shake.

The State Department steadfastly has refused to play Emily Post for the American public on royal etiquette. Protocol experts take the attitude that they have no more business dictating how people should behave than they have telling them what to wear.

As a result, most officials plan to follow American customs. The larg est group to be presented will be those invited to the White House musicale after a state dinner for about 100 guests, June 9. Others will be introduced at Union Station. – Oakland Tribune, May 1939

👑Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Fit for a Queen

What to do if the Queen drops by...

Your jubilee street party is going swimmingly but suddenly you come face to face with the sovereign herself. Mark Oliver seeks advice on how to behave from etiquette expert Drusilla Beyfus

Photo source, Instagram 

The stakes are arguably even higher if you're an arch-royalist, and are at a street party partaking in those golden jubilee shenanigans. Imagine: you're just munching a hotdog, hands caked in ketchup, when there's a blur of Daimler, a flash of brooch, and suddenly Her Majesty is upon you.

To help us navigate the minefield of royal protocol, we sought the views of the wonderfully named Drusilla Beyfus, author of Modern Manners. Ms Beyfus says: "Pictures of so-called real people with the royals always look so strained because people are still very intimidated."

But she stresses that royalty are much more relaxed these days and there's no reason to panic. Ms Deyfus has met the Queen and insists she was very nice and she says that with just a few pointers, you too can avoid ending up in the Tower. So do I have to curtsey, or is that just for women?

Ms Deyfus says: "For men, you should give a short bow from the neck. But don't go too low. You don't want to appear too theatrical." Or look like you're having a laugh.

"Women can curtsey, and most women do. These days some women don't curtsey but that's alright too and won't cause any great offence," Ms Beyfus says. Debrett's website says the correct form of address is "your Majesty" or "Ma'am".

However, it is bad form to offer the sovereign your hand to shake. Ms Beyfus says: "The thing is, she would probably just shake it if you did but it's best not to. It's very unlikely she would, but if she offers you her hand, then you should shake it." Just try to avoid crushing the royal digits.

Ok, you've survived initial contact. With a little bravery you could try and speak. Ms Beyfus says that in the past it would not have been proper to say anything. "These days you are most likely to be 'presented', for example if you are introduced by the organiser of the street party, and then you just bow or curtsey and say what you are going to say," she explains.

"She's very easy to talk to. But you can't talk for long, and can probably only get one thought out before she moves on. Everything is scheduled very exactly as we saw with the Queen mother's cortege arriving at precisely at Westminster Abbey at midday. People would love the Queen to sit down and chat at their street party but she won't do that."

So how do you choose what to say in your nanosecond of opportunity? Ms Beyfus says: "Of course, the subjects you think you should not mention, you probably should not. Should you mention Sophie Wessex's miscarriage? I think not."

But the Queen may do the running for you - she is after all well practised in the art of small talk. Ms Beyfus says she might always hit you with the classic "and what do you do?" question but this is less likely in as casual a context as a street party. Ms Beyfus says: "The Queen is usually very well briefed about the area, so may very well have some informed comment to make."

But what about food? Should you offer her a cucumber sandwich? Should there be a desperate scramble for a gold platter of Ferrero Rocher?

"I'm not sure about that. She's got a pretty good figure. You shouldn't really offer her food, but I think if you were to say 'here's one of our currant buns' or offered her some special jubilee cake, she may have a nibble." The most decorous thing would be to run it past her lady in waiting.

Now we turn to the really tricky stuff - how do you cope with the Duke of Edinburgh? What if he has you in the crosshairs for one of his trademark cheeky comments?

Ms Beyfus says: "I think it's very difficult and there are no real ripostes to those funny remarks. What I would say though is that they rarely seem to be at individuals. The slanty-eyed thing and remarks like that seem to be made as statements."

Also you may bear in mind that Mr Freedland has warned that you have to careful because Prince Philip often takes what you said and throws it back at you like it was the "most gormless thing" that had ever been said. So be careful with any quips about the bunting.

Finally, what about streaking? Is there any way of carrying it off without imperilling good form? "No, I don't think so," Ms Beyfus says. — The Guardian, 2002

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Deportment and Curtseys

Little girls learn to etiquette and drawing room deportment with curtseys in 1890 German artwork... “Complimenti! Complimenti!” - deportment (n.) 1st known use 1601, from Middle French déportement, from déporter “to behave,” from Old French “deporter”

Teachers of etiquette and drawing room deportment are putting their pupils through exercises which are designed to improve the carriage and grace of the debutante. They are teaching her how to open a door and pass out through it while keeping her face toward her hostess or the person in the room. Carelessness has made girls forget that this attention is due the person to whom “good-bye” has been said.

Usually the girls are in a hurry to get to some other place or they are occupied with the next appointment or perhaps they have never had their attention called to the fact that saying "good-bye" is not the final act of departure. Having had this done, girls are now beginning to see that the formal leave-taking is not terminated until the guest has withdrawn from the room, if she is calling or has been summoned before her parents or some older person in authority.

In informal meetings, these details of deportment are not generally observed, but they should be learned as a preparation for more formal occasions, because one never knows at what time they will be valuable assets.

Girls often make the same mistake of entering a room, especially if they shut the door behind them. In entering they face the center of the room or the end where the person visited is seated; then in order to close the door they turn squarely around, back to the room, and gently push the door to. After accomplishing this act successfully they consider themselves ready to go on with the formal entrance, which by this time has lost all its dignity and attractiveness.

For no person can suggest both of these qualities by presenting her back to a gathering. It is easy to close a door after you without moving the body around. The arms and hands do it while the face is turned toward the center of the room. 

Of course these details seem trivial to very young girls, who seldom take all the interest in their manners that they should, but by the time a girl has finished school and is ready to enter society she will be grateful to the parent or teacher who insisted on her learning the little arts which seemed so useless to her before. — San Francisco, 1912

E 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Faux Royalty

Women by decree, were supposed to curtsey to Lady Gladstone, as if she were a royal personage. 

Court Etiquette for Colonial Export

A strange, at the same time amusing, problem in the social etiquette of colonial life under the British crown arises in South Africa out of the decree of Lord Gladstone, the first Governor General of the confederation, that on all official occasions, women must curtsey to Lady Gladstone as if she were a royal personage. 

The people of the United South African states arc deeply penetrated with the spirit of democracy. The Boers, especially, are resentful of the imposition of an absurd and belated Court etiquette. An imitation and pale reflex of royalty does not inspire South African worship. 

The plain people of the confederation see in the Governor General's social decree, a survival of the ancient, odious practice which, in the middle ages, constrained the unwilling subject to execute respectful obeisance when he passed in front of the throne, even though that object of grudging reverence might happen to be unoccupied. 

So Lord Gladstone's order is flouted and ridiculed. The Boer ladies, when admitted to "the presence" preserve an unusually upright carriage, and altogether, the social atmosphere is clouded. As the home government relied chiefly on Boer support for the administration, and as General Botha is a member of the cabinet, the measure of Gladstone's statesmanship is seriousiy impaired. 

He was sent to South Africa because he was constantly making official blunders at home. but the sea voyage does not appear to have changed his quality, or improved his judgment. Court etiquette is not a prosperous traveler. —San Francisco Call, 1910

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Curtsey Etiquette and Art

The curtsey is the foundation of drawing room grace, for through its bending and dipping, self-consciousness —which usually creates awkwardness — is eliminated. 

There is more in the art of curtseying than the novice imagines. It is a bow, a graceful exercise and an excellent method of teaching balance. The young girl who early masters the difficult movements need never fear making an awkward or unattractive appearance anywhere.

It might be said that the curtsey is the foundation of drawing room grace, for through its bending and dipping, self-consciousness —which usually creates awkwardness — is eliminated.

The curtsey is taught first as an exercise by itself. The young girl is given certain aesthetic movements to do which are a part of the curtsey, afterward she is told to lift her skirts daintily and bow as she would to some great person. The idea of rank inspires the girl with a sense of the great importance of the curtsey, although it is introduced into simple home affairs quite as much as it is used upon formal occasions.

The foundation principle of the curtsey is balance. No girl can bow and drop almost to the floor without toppling over and looking, as if in another minute, she would do so, unless she is well poised on her feet.

One foot should he placed in advance of the other, usually the right, while the weight of the body is divided between the two, unless a forward or backward movement is to follow, when the body should be so slightly poised that the weight can be shifted from one foot to the other without the shifting becoming noticeable.

With the body thus lightly poised, so that no effort is required to lift it or lower it, it should first be raised by standing on the tips of the toes, when the body should be bent in a long, sweeping, graceful bow.

When making a formal curtsey the body is lowered until it almost touches the floor. Less formal ones are graded according to the depth of the bow or the bending of the body. As the knees are bent, and the body slips toward the floor, the head should be inclined and then lifted again as the standing position is resumed.

When curtseying the old fashioned position of the feet must be assumed, with toes out at an angle from the body. It would be practically impossible to curtsey with any freedom and grace of movement if the feet were held in a straight line. With the feet placed at an angle to the body and one foot slightly advanced there is no danger of swaying or falling when the rules are observed.

And it is important that a step forward or backward be taken immediately preceding or following the act of curtseying. This position is one of the most important in drawing room or ballroom deportment, for upon its mastery and use depends the case with which a young woman passes down a receiving line and does not get out of step or find herself trying to advance with the wrong foot after she has curtseyed to one of the personages in line.

Suppose you have made a quaint old fashloned-bow to the head of the receiving line and you wlah to repeat the formal greeting to the person standing at the leader's left. When there is a large number of guests, a break In the line means confusion to every one and it takes time to get the column of guests under way again. Rather than become the awkward cause of such a disturbance it would be well to rehearse the bowing and resuming one's progress time after time at dancing school or at home until the movements follow each other correctly like clockwork.

The movements soon become more or less automatic and a girl learns to shift herself from one position to another without giving any conscious thought to the act, yet if she made a mistake she would realize It in a minute and might be able, if well versed in deportment rules, to recover herself without interrupting the procedure of others.

Reviving the old fashioned curtsey has suggested that there may be other little features of deportment requiring emphasis, and one of these is the graceful exit from a room. The awkwardness with which the average young girl quits a room has been the subject of much comment, and certain circles are demanding a reformation.

Teachers of etiquette and drawing room deportment are putting their pupils through exercises which are designed to improve the carriage and grace of the debutante.They are teaching her how to open a door and pass out through it while keeping her face toward her hostess or the person in the room. Carelessness has made girls forget that this attention is due the person to whom "good-bye" has been said.

Usually the girls are in a hurry to get to some other place or they are occupied with the next appointment or perhaps they have never had their attention called to the fact that saying "good-bye" is not the final act of departure. Having had this done, girls are now beginning to see that the formal leave-taking is not terminated until the guest has withdrawn from the room, if she is calling or has been summoned before her parents or some older person in authority.

In informal meetings, these details of deportment are not generally observed, but they should be learned as a preparation for more formal occasions, because one never knows at what time they will be valuable assets.

Girls often make the same mistake of entering a room, especially if they shut the door behind them. In entering they face the center of the room or the end where the person visited is seated; then in order to close the door they turn squarely around, back to the room, and gently push the door to. After accomplishing this act successfully they consider themselves ready to go on with the formal entrance, which by this time has lost all its dignity and attractiveness.

For no person can suggest both of these qualities by presenting her back to a gathering. It is easy to close a door after you without moving the body around. The arms and hands do it while the face is turned toward the center of the room. 

Of course these details seem trivial to very young girls, who seldom take all the interest in their manners that they should, but by the time a girl has finished school and is ready to enter society she will be grateful to the parent or teacher who insisted on her learning the little arts which seemed so useless to her before. — San Francisco, 1912

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Curtsey

The curtsey is a traditional gesture of greeting, in which a girl, or a woman, bends her knees while bowing her head. It is the female equivalent of male bowing in Western cultures. Judith Martin, (aka "Miss Manners") explains its knee bend derived from a "traditional gesture of an inferior to a superior."

The Charm of the Curtsey 

A young Englishwoman of title visited this country recently she expressed astonishment at the ignorance of the art of formal social behavior which American girls displayed. They did not know how to bow correctly, the curtsey seemed to have become an obsolete social form here; they had not learned the graceful way to proceed down the length of a receiving line, and there were countless other social manners and customs, held in high esteem by foreigners, which seemed to have been neglected in the early training of American girls, she said.

Then it happened that teachers of social decorum began to consider how to improve the girls' social bearing, and in looking over the field they decided that a touch of quaintness and old fashioned forms would be both charming and suitable. So the curtsey was introduced, and now it is one of the first lessons in etiquette taught the schoolgirl. 

Its revival is expected to have a decided influence on the deportment of the future debutante, for with the development of the curtsey there is gradually growing a more formal attitude among young persons toward older men and women.

The curtsey is a charming greeting from youth to its kind, or from youth to its elders. It is graceful, quaint, has dignity and respect in every movement, and when well executed is as attractive as any form of greeting we have. Young girls master its intricacies of movements readily and after a few lessons are as quick to adapt it to social life as were their grandmothers. 

One grandmother who had not seen her grandchildren since they were in the pinafore stage was surprised the other day to observe one child, aged 15, curtsey to her mother's friends in the drawing room. It was the hour before the serving of the informal dinner to which a few friends had been invited and the children were having 10 minutes' enjoyment with the "company." When the time came for the little group of boys and girls, ranging in aged from 8 to 15, to withdraw while the older persons proceeded to the dining room, each little one curtseyed gravely and gracefully. 

The grandmother was enchanted with the performance and expressed a hope that all children would learn the good old fashioned style of greeting and leave-taking, which is one of the sweetest tributes youth can pay to age, or exalted position. — San Francisco, 1912

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia