Women’s Dress Etiquette of 1922

A lady's dress must be in harmony with her surroundings. Avoid anything exaggerated or eccentric.

Photo source, Etiquipedia private photo library 

 

What A Woman Should Wear

• Women should dress quietly and inconspicuously when traveling. When in doubt where the plainer dress. 
• A lady's dress must be in harmony with her surroundings. Avoid anything exaggerated or eccentric.
• Sport skirts are not appropriate for business or on the streets. Neither are high heels.
• A lady should not go about in a blouse and skirt outside her house or an office, anymore than a man should appear in the street or in the presence of ladies in his shirt sleeves. 
• Gloves are always worn by a lady at a social affair. Although she may remove them, she must have them on upon her arrival. 
• Black clothes should not be worn at a wedding. 
• Girls should not go to school in georgette waists, silk stockings, pointed-toed or high heeled shoes and hair put up in a ridiculous style.
• A hat is never worn with an evening dress nor is a day dress worn without a hat.
• A thick ankle should have dark stockings whenever possible.
• A very slim lady should not wear a severe straight lined frock.
• Satin slippers should be worn only with semi evening or evening dress —never with street clothes.
• Pumps are not worn with fur coats, nor velvet hats with summertime frocks.
• Sport clothes are for the tennis courts, golf links, skating rinks and similar places, not for teas and receptions.
• The slim lady must avoid the severely straight up and down lines and stripes in all forms tunics, large collars, ruffles, soft flimsy, checked and flowered materials should be worn by the slim lady.
• The stout woman must avoid checked and brightly colored materials. Long lines and clothes without waistlines should be her choice.
• Do not trim cheap gowns with expensive trimmings, nor imitate expensive gowns in tawdry materials.
• Do not wear a decollete gown in the daytime.—From “Every Day Problems in Etiquette” 1922

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for When Done Eating

 

If you must have your plate cleared and wish to silently signal the waiter, these images of signals are probably the most easily and readily recognized as correct. —When done eating, one is not supposed to inform the waiter. Technically, the waiter or the waitress is not supposed to remove any plate until everyone at the table is done eating. How comfortable would you feel if you were still eating while everyone else was done and rushing to have the table cleared? 
Photo source, Pinterest 

When You’re Done Eating, How Do You Notify The Waiter?

Maura Graber, who has been teaching manners to children and adults since 1990 and is the director of The R.S.V.P. Institute of Etiquette, says, “First of all, when done eating, one is not supposed to inform the waiter. Technically, the waiter or the waitress is not supposed to remove any plate until everyone at the table is done eating. How comfortable would you feel if you were still eating while everyone else was done and rushing to have the table cleared?

“I realize many people do not agree with this, and when I do staff training for restaurants or the service industry, this subject comes up often. Waiters and waitresses do not want to offend, yet they also do not want their tips compromised. It is a difficult situation to be put in. If I am out to eat with clients I try to pace my meal with theirs, and make sure they are well taken care of by the wait staff. If the clients want their plates removed early I step in and explain one should wait until everyone is finished. Sitting with an empty plate in front of you for another five or ten minutes should not be looked upon as a chore, but as an opportunity to enjoy the company one is with.”

She further explains, “Dining in the U.S. should be enjoyed more leisurely and more thoughtfully. Meals are very ceremonial things. One is supposed to be concentrating on the companionship with others, not necessarily rushing through the food. Anything humans do of any importance in our lives has food connected to it. For example, birthdays have a birthday cake, weddings have a wedding cake. If someone is sick, we send over a casserole. Even our religious rituals have food involved. If you are at a business lunch or business dinner or even at a social lunch or dinner, you are supposed to sit down and enjoy it with the company at hand. Company is an old Latin root word for the word companionship; the word literally means ‘to break bread with another person.’

“If the table does need to be cleared for some reason, such as not enough ‘elbow room’ (which is technically a contradictory term when it comes to proper etiquette —you should never put your elbows on the table) or the server has not come back after the main course to whisk away the empty dishes and offer you desert, it is best to not let your irritation get the best of you. Never whistle, comment loudly or shake the ice in your empty beverage glass to get the attention of your server. Quietly ask the nearest restaurant or catering employee to ask for your server to come to the table, if he or she is not anywhere nearby. It’s helpful to know your server’s name.

“Speaking from personal experience, not ‘checking back’ in a timely matter is usually due to circumstances beyond the waiter’s or waitress’s control. There could be a disaster in the kitchen. It could be an unusually busy night and/or the establishment is short on staff. Even if it is a lack of foresight on the server's part, he or she is rarely, if ever, purposely performing ‘bad service.’ Some tend to forget that people in the ‘public service’ business are human too; the best waiters and waitresses have ‘off’ nights just like the rest of us. Remember, almost all servers count on their tips for their own ‘bread and butter’ so to speak. Therefore, it doesn't make a lot of sense that they would mess with yours.”— By Maura Graber for Expert Village, 2001

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Manners of a First Gentleman

First Gentleman of his realm... Louis XIV was also known as Louis the Great (Louis le Grand) or the Sun King (le Roi-Soleil). He was a Monarch of the House of Bourbon who ruled as King of France from 1643 until his death in 1715. His reign of 72 years and 110 days is the longest of any Monarch of a major country in Europe's history.

He might express his displeasure by a glance that terrified, by silence that froze, by a lettre-de-cachet that sent an offender to the Bastille, but he never failed in courtesy. “Never was man so naturally polite or of a politeness so measured, so graduated, so adapted to person, time, and place.” It might be possible to question his ability as a warrior, his wisdom as a statesman, even his duty as a King, but there could never be the slightest question as to his being the First Gentleman of his realm. 

He was the type, and whenever a courtier failed in dignity, in tact, in grace, in courtesy, he fell short of the model that moved before his eyes. It was, however, almost impossible for the courtiers to display in their words and actions the naturalness that accompanied the King. He was above all and supreme. He rose or sat, he smiled or bowed, he spoke or was silent, at his pleasure. 

There was never any doubt in his mind as to his attitude; there were constant difficulties in the minds as to their attitudes. His rank was unquestioned; their ranks clashed constantly. He was serene; they were anxious. On the other hand, they felt no sense of responsibility for public affairs; he had to bear the burden of the faults of his lieutenants. They could retire and relax; he was always on the stage. His courtesy never contradicted itself. — From “Versailles and the Court Under Louis XIV” by James Eugene Farmer, 1906

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Better Bed Manners and Disrobing

Some of the principle sins against good breeding are committed in the process of removing the clothes. In putting them on most people are conferring such a favor on the sensitive eye that lapses of etiquette are more pardonable. Whatever you do, avoid the habit of getting undressed by gravity. The appearance of puddles of male or female clothing on the bedroom floor never caused a tremor of love in the most sensitive person.

 

From Chapter 2 — Getting Undressed

If you were sentenced to spend nine years of your life working at one job for eight hours a day— Sundays included— you would think harshly of the judge. At best you would be forced to consider him a meanie.

Statistics prove, however, that the average one-family man, with a life span of seventy years, spends this amount of time taking off his clothes and putting them on again.*  The amount of time similarly spent by the average woman can be measured only in light years.

Being condemned to the slavery from birth, one would think people could learn how to do the job with a little finesse. On the contrary, clothes seem to be like a delicatessen salad. In the store window they are a thing of beauty. Once start to take them apart and—

  

Avoid the habit of getting undressed by gravity!

To most people undressing is not so much an art as it is coming to pieces. This is a mistake. Failure to correct it has been responsible for the development of a good-sized city in the West, composed of exiled husbands. If the average ignorant bird should hurl his feathers around the nest in imitation of man, there would be no more eggs.

Some of the principle sins against good breeding are committed in the process of removing the clothes. In putting them on most people are conferring such a favor on the sensitive eye that lapses of etiquette are more pardonable.

Whatever you do, avoid the habit of getting undressed by gravity. The appearance of puddles of male or female clothing on the bedroom floor never caused a tremor of love in the most sensitive person. Our researches show that women are particularly prone to this moult-and-walk off process. They have one strange garment they call a step-in. All of them might be called step-outs. They also have a rubber fabric strait-jacket called a vassarette. Getting into it is a job for a contortionist. Getting out of it is a bit easier, if your grandmother was a snake and you inherited the knack of shedding your skin.

Most men are partly sloppy undressers. One group practices what is known professionally as the drop-kick. This consists of allowing the sub-waist clothing to slide down the legs, lifting one foot out of the resulting nest, and propelling the entire mass at the nearest chair with a toe. Avoid it.

An even larger school spends futile years throwing odds and ends of clothes at bedroom chairs. These men argue that bedroom chairs serve no other useful purpose. No one has ever been known to sit on them. We advise against it, however, even if it is done in the purest spirit of sportsmanship.

Regardless of how clothes may be worn they should be taken off unostentatiously. Once off, they should not be treated like Christmas tree decorations. Get them out of sight. Far better to shove them under the bed with the foot than to wake up each morning to the sordid contemplation of their wilted forms. The seeds of many fashionable divorces have been sown by these early-morning vistas. What man can shave with a loving heart while contemplating a bedraggled brassiere hanging on the bathroom scales? What woman, lying in bed because it is too cold to get up, has not wondered sadly how the handsome lad of yesterday can possibly fill out a pair of unions like that?

This brings us to the question of getting dressed, which is so buttoned up with a number of other things, that we will treat it somewhere else, if the matter should come up.

*These figures do not include Nudists, Esquimos (sic), Bedridden People, or Fan Dancers.

Contributor Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, for over 30 years, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette.  She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years. 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Fraternal Advice on Good Manners

                                               

Good Manners are extremely important in every walk of life. Good manners are not merely something taken out of rule books on etiquette but are hard and fast practical assets in human relationship. The acquisition of knowing how to act in the company of other people is one of the most important phases of fraternity life. 

Politeness, courtesy, and proper behavior can make relationships enjoyable and pleasant. These qualities enable the man who has them to make acquaintances readily and gracefully. On the other hand, where these qualities are absent, social communion is difficult or marked by misunderstanding, embarrassment, and strangeness.

Good manners are the instruments that round of the personality of a man so that it is agreeable and becomes a strong magnet of attraction for fellowship in the business world as well as in campus life.

Good taste, so necessary to the college gentleman, is not a commodity that can be bought. It is a part of careful breeding. The average young man is schooled carefully at home in the niceties of social conduct, yet he is confronted with many new situations at college, and experience teaches the likelihood of the freshmen to grow careless about matters of conduct.

Probably no finer impression can be made upon guests, visiting alumni, rushees, professors, parents, and friends, than a chapter whose members know and show hospitality and good taste. There is no doubt about the weight of good taste in establishing a commendable atmosphere and reputation for the chapter.

Wrote John Henry Newman, English theologian and author of the last century; “It is almost a definition of a gentleman to say that he is one who inflicts no pain, carefully avoids whatever may cause a jar or jolt in the minds of those with whom he is cast. He has no ear for slander or gossip, is scrupulous imputing motives to those who interfere with him and interpret everything for the best. He is never mean or little in his disputes, never takes unfair advantage, never mistakes personalities or sharp sayings for arguments or insinuate evil which he dare not say out. He may be right or wrong in his opinion, but he is too clear headed to be unjust. He is a friend of religious toleration, and that, not only because his philosophy has taught him to look upon all forms of faith with an impartial eye, but also from the gentleness of feeling which is attendant on civilization.”— From Ch. 6 of the Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity Pledge Manual: The Fraternity Gentleman

Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

“Society As I Have Found It”- A Review

It is not that his book is given up to trivialities, but that his solemn way of dealing with them creates the impression that he imagines himself occupied in a kind of philosophical research. Darwin, in his evolution of his evolution theory, was not more impressed with the magnitude of his theme than Ward McAllister in establishing a rule of etiquette.

Oh! That Mine Enemy, Etc...

The enemies of Mr. Ward McAllister are indebted to that gentleman for a means of retaliation. Mr. McAllister’s book on “Society As I Have Found It” exposes him to merciless criticism. As a conductor of entertainments he was above reproach. He had studied one thing until he knew it well. No man in either hemisphere is more competent authority on such important matters as the month in the year in which salmon may be served at a swell dinner or the kind of sauce which may be served with it, he has given many, years’ study to intricate problems of this nature, and if he has not solved them satisfactorily, the man does not live who can prove that he has not. But a clever man with Mr. McAllister’s knowledge of society, in both Europe and America, ought to write an entertaining book. That is precisely what Mr. McAllister has failed to do. 

It is not that his book is given up to trivialities, but that his solemn way of dealing with them creates the impression that he imagines himself occupied in a kind of philosophical research. Darwin, in his evolution of his evolution theory, was not more impressed with the magnitude of his theme than Ward McAllister in establishing a rule of etiquette. In most pursuits, earnestness is an element of success. A writer impresses a public in proportion, as he is able to convince them that he believes his own theories and regards them as important. But with society as a theme, a man may be wise or witty, satirical or indulgent, a scoffer or a worshiper, but he must be bright. McAllister’s book is both trivial and dull. — San Francisco Call, 1890

Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Tea Slurping

Slurping shows one’s appreciation to one’s host or hostess. The more, the better!
—Photo source, Etiquipedia private photo library

Slurping Your Tea Is Polite Manners 

HONOLULU (AP) “Chinese connoisseurs of tea are meticulous,” wrote Mary Sia in a Chinese cookbook published by the University of Hawaii Press, and they have their own rules of etiquette. “It is good manners to show appreciation by making plenty of noise while drinking,” she wrote. —The Sun, 1972

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Confusion Over Respiratory Etiquette

 

Disgusted? You are not alone! Why Ms. Millett doesn’t know about respiratory etiquette is a mystery to Etiquipedia. Any good etiquette book has good manners regarding coughs and sneezes.— “If ‘stay at home with a cold’ were a definite rule of etiquette instead of just a health rule, maybe more of us would pay attention to it. After all, more people break health rules than eat with their knives or otherwise defy the rules of etiquette.

It Shouldn't Happen!

If “stay at home with a cold” were a definite rule of etiquette instead of just a health rule, maybe more of us would pay attention to it. After all, more people break health rules than eat with their knives or otherwise defy the rules of etiquette. As it is now, a guest will come to a party and in between a cough and a sneeze, explain to anyone who cares to listen how she really should be home in bed, but she just didn't feel she could let her hostess down at the last minute. Other guests must accept her graciously, expose themselves to her germs and take home colds of their own as a memento of the party.

That wouldn't happen if the “cold spreader” was frowned upon socially, and “stay at home with a cold” was a real and definite rule of etiquette. After all, why shouldn't it be considered really bad manners to go to a party with a cold? The guest with a cold is certainly not a sparkling addition to any party. And she or he is a very real menace to the health, of the other guests. The guest with a cold who. says proudly, “I really should be at home in bed” is telling the truth. She SHOULD be. And there's probably not a soul in the room who doesn't wish that she was. — By Ruth Millett, 1948

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Advice to Genteel Ladies of 1853

“On no consideration let any lady be persuaded to take two glasses of champagne. It is more than the head of an American female can bear. And she may rest assured, (though unconscious of it herself) all present will find her cheeks flushing, her eyes twinkling, her tongue unusually voluble, her talk loud and silly, and her laugh incessant.” — Above, two champagne coupé glasses with champagne stirrers. Champagne stirrers were popular with Victorian and Edwardian ladies who wished to pop the bubbles in their champagne, so as to reduce the chances of belching or burping when drinking the bubble-filled beverage. By the Roaring Twenties, they were so popular with flappers, they were hooked to long chains and worn as necklaces on nights out to speakeasies. 
—Photo source, Etiquipedia Photo private library.

• Ladies no longer eat salt fish at a public table. The odor of it is now considered extremely ungenteel. 
• The fashion of wearing black silk mittens at breakfast is now obsolete. 
• It is an affectation of ultra fashion to eat pie with a fork and has a very awkward and inconvenient look. 
• Most American ladies beyond the age of 35 look better in caps than without them, even if their hair shows no signs of middle age. 
• Ladies mustn't cross their knees or read with a gentleman off the same book or newspaper. 
• At a hotel or boarding house, a lady may "take wine" once with a gentleman, if she knows him, but the next time he asks she should refuse. 
• On no consideration let any lady be persuaded to take two glasses of champagne. It is more than the head of an American female can bear. And she may rest assured, (though unconscious of it herself) all present will find her cheeks flushing, her eyes twinkling, her tongue unusually voluble, her talk loud and silly, and her laugh incessant.— From Miss Leslie's “The Behaviour Book: A Manual For Ladies,” 1853 Edition

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Accuracy in Films

 

‘Prince Bernadotte has an easier problem in supervising court etiquette. His main job is to be on hand when Colman as King Rudolph and Madeleine Carrol as Princess Flavia go through their paces. He's always handy for advice on what to do and how to do it. That is, on almost all court subjects except love scenes. When the King and Princess are alone in the garden, the Prince can play checkers or take a nap, realizing that the etiquette of romance is none of his business.” —Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. (left), and Ronald Colman in The Prisoner of Zenda

Hollywood Film Shop

HOLLYWOOD (U.P.) Search for authenticity in pictures, particularly those which deal with historical subjects, is always an expensive and painstaking job. It would seem to be news when Selznick International spends the money and hires the brains to make sure “The Prisoner of Zenda” is NOT authentic. 

To avoid international complications, the studio has hired two experts to figure out ways of doing it the wrong thing in a legitimate manner. Col. Ivar Enhoring, retired Swedish army officer, will be commissioned to design uniforms for the many military scenes. Prince Sigvard Bernadotte, son of Sweden's Crown Prince, who renounced his rights of accession to wed a commoner, will decree the correct Royal Court and military etiquette.

 

After studying specifications and pictures of some 600 uniforms, Enhoring expects to turn out authentic appearing costumes for the soldiers which could not be identified as belonging to any particular country. The uniforms have to be military, yet with epaulets, buttons and decorations all so individual, that no foreign power can take offense. 

Ronald Colman as the King of a European country, required a coat of arms. Trying to find one that didn’t infringe on the thousands in existence was a real headache, a complete library of heraldry was assembled to determine what designs to let alone. Even the fencing scenes have a style all their own. Ralph Faulkner, an Olympic fencing champion, was hired to devise a new style that combines the elements of German, Italian, French and English fencing. 

Prince Bernadotte has an easier problem in supervising Court etiquette. His main job is to be on hand when Colman as King Rudolph and Madeleine Carrol as Princess Flavia go through their paces. He's always handy for advice on what to do and how to do it. That is, on almost all Court subjects except love scenes. When the King and Princess are alone in the garden, the Prince can play checkers or take a nap, realizing that the etiquette of romance is none of his business.— United Press, 1937

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Manners: When and How to Sit at a Table

 

“While at the table, it is not considered good manners to put one's elbows on the table, to trifle with the knives and forks or to clink the glasses. When not occupied, the hands should be quietly in the lap, for nothing so marks the well-bred gentleman or lady as repose at the table.” — They are both sitting properly, but he can’t understand where his stemware is located!

Whether it be a family dinner without guests, or a formal occasion, a man shows courtesy and breeding by waiting until the ladies have been seated. At a luncheon or dinner, a woman waits politely until her hostess is seated and a young girl does not take her place until each older woman has taken hers.

One should sit erect and neither lounge nor bend forward while eating. A seat drawn too closely throws out the elbows, one too far away and crooks the back. The proper compromise is a position in which the waist or chest is about eight inches from the table.

While at the table, it is not considered good manners to put one's elbows on the table, to trifle with the knives and forks or to clink the glasses. When not occupied, the hands should be quietly in the lap, for nothing so marks the well-bred gentleman or lady as repose at the table. — The Bride's Book, 1907

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Ignoring Civilities Can Cost You

 

“For this exploit he had to pay five dollars.” One should always use the butter knife, spreader or butter pick provided, rather than their own table or dinner knife..., but these are minor etiquette faux pas compared to the outright bad manners of hurling a knife at a restaurant wall in anger!
———————
Above, assorted antique silver butter knives, butter spreaders and butter picks.
Photo source, Etiquipedia private photo library

 

We have heard of a well-dressed stranger at a great hotel in Boston who, having used his own knife for the butter, flew into a violent passion with the waiter for respectfully pointing out to him the silver butter-knife.

Swearing that the knife he had been putting into his mouth was quite good enough, afterward, for any butter in the world, the gentleman flung the silver knife across the table and broke it against the wall. For this exploit he had to pay five dollars. —New York Times 1931

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gossip from the Table of 1882

Craftsmanship and innovative, artistic design flourished in England, Europe and the United States, between the 1860’s and early 1900’s. These patents for glassware designs are all from the period. — “Very pretty pieces of glass are now in the leading stores for ‘odd’ pieces on a dinner table. They are in Sèvres glass, amber or blue in color, and are enameled and raised designs or gilt in relief. The shapes are specially novel and attractive.”

 

Tabletop Novelties and Trends

The newest ice cream plates are of Bohemian glass with little handles. The shape is something between an oval and a square. Others are in china, cream-colored ground, with guilt edges, and shaped like a full size grape leaf.

Very pretty pieces of glass are now in the leading stores for “odd” pieces on a dinner table. They are in Sèvres glass, amber or blue in color, and are enameled and raised designs or gilt in relief. The shapes are specially novel and attractive.

In spite of the attempt to introduce color into the table-cloth, preference in the highest circles is still given to fine white damask, but occasionally the cloths are trimmed with lace edging.

Exquisite dessert plates are in the richest Dresden china, with deep-toned centers and open-worked edges. The designs are so beautiful, that doylies are not used with them.

Single vases for each guest are no longer so popular as they were for dinner tables. The more fashionable style to-day is a central globe either of deeply cut crystal or a Bohemian glass, which rests upon a polished mirror. Some of these globes are mounted upon deep Crystal trays, thus providing a second receptacle for the flowers. Four corner pieces are sold with the globes, either for a continuous design around the center or for the ends of the table.

Some very fashionable people dispense with flowers at the dinner table entirely. In fact, they are all together lesson favor for the festive occasions then they were, probably because they are so much in request at interments. — The New York Times, 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Famous Toasting Faux Pas

“To take a glass of wine during dinner without previously dedicating it to the health of someone was a breach of etiquette that few would care to be found guilty of...” — 

Above, Charles Montagu-Scott, 4th Duke of Buccleuch 

— Public domain image

Without “Your Health”

To take a glass of wine during dinner, without previously dedicating it to the health of someone, was a breach of etiquette that few would care to be found guilty of, and anyone so offending would have been thought either eccentric or exclusive. In 1803, when the then Duke of Buccleuch, dining at the table of the Lord Advocate (Charles Hope) drank a glass of sherry without the conventional preliminary address, the act was for years after pointed to as an instance of deucal contempt. — History of Toasting, French, 1881

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gent’s Tabletop Novelties of 1882

A gilded age, sterling menu card holder, in the form of a stag’s head — “For gentleman's dinner parties menu cards painted by hand are in vogue, representing some very realistic part of the preparations for the entertainment. Upon one, the cook in cap and apron, is tossing a pancake, on another the butler has just drawn the cork, and so on through the series.”

Much amusement is derived at some popular dinners from the cards which indicate the seats of guests. They are of endless variety, are often printed expressly to order, and contain witty illusions or satirical pictures. The newest are mounted upon ribbons of bright colors, about 3 inches wide, which are fringed out at the edges, and upon the center of which is a painting is either executed upon the material itself or upon a tinted card.

For a recent farewell bachelor dinner, on the eve of a wedding, such cards, made expressly to order by Tiffany, each one being reserved for a special guest as a memento of the occasion, cost $3 a piece. For hunting dinners floral decorations assume characteristic shapes, and a rabbit, hare, or game of some kind appears in emblematic form upon the table. Novel napkin rings are made of flowers, wired into shape and placed upon the serviette. although they serve no useful purpose they are ornamental.

For gentleman's dinner parties menu cards painted by hand are in vogue, representing some very realistic part of the preparations for the entertainment. Upon one, the cook in cap and apron, is tossing a pancake, on another the butler has just drawn the cork, and so on through the series. For ordinary dinners, menu cards are upon tinted Bristol board, and the newest card style is to have a vignette on one corner, date and place of the entertainment occupying the other. This is on single cards, but those referred to above are double and are intended to be laid opposite the plate of the guest.— New York Times, 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Tidbits of Victorian Etiquette

 
According to Judith Martin, aka “Miss Manners,” during the 1800s, “... until well into the century, lower- , middle- and rural upper-class Englishmen ate with their knives, and that until the latter part of the century, when a fork was used, it was used in the same manner as Americans use it today, switching it back and forth from right hand for eating to left hand when something was being cut.

Judith Martin, the etiquette columnist of The Washington Post, at a 1981, four-day symposium, especially on a subject as esoteric as “Dining and Drinking in the 19th Century,” noted that the Victorians kept erecting bigger and bigger hurdles in manners “so that they could sneer at those not familiar with them. There was never a period of time when the right way and the wrong way was stronger than during the Victorian era,”  she said. “Someone was always doing something wrong so it kept life interesting.” 

Some of the Victoriana she offered was that dinner guests were never assured of getting a napkin and therefore advised to use the edge of the tablecloth or a handkerchief, that until well into the century, lower- , middle- and rural upper-class Englishmen ate with their knives, and that until the latter part of the century, when a fork was used, it was used in the same manner as Americans use it today, switching it back and forth from right hand for eating to left hand when something was being cut. She looked back nostalgically at some Victorian practices, among them the professional guest, a man who was hired to come to dinner if someone dropped out unexpectedly.— The New a York Times, 1981

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Guide for Wine Glasses

Above would be a glass for sherry — “A red glass is suitable for white wines; green for various kinds of Rhine wine, while white of small size signifies sherry.”

 

Glasses for wines should indicate, by shape or color, the kind for which they are intended. Thus, a red glass is suitable for white wines; green for various kinds of Rhine wine, while white of small size signifies sherry. Claret glasses are larger than port glasses, while those for champagne are thin in the stem and of wide brim.


Beautiful little baskets are now in fashion as liqueur stands. Each contains four bottles, while around the edges of the basket are 12 little hooks from which depend small square shaped glasses. Usually bottles and stoppers are of different colors, while the little glasses correspond by having handles unlike the body of the glass.


Brandy and bitters are served in fashionable quarters upon a little tray of exquisite Bohemian glass. The set consists of large and small bottles, sugar bowl, and two or three tumblers. — New York Times, October 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Another Gilded Age Social Arbiter Rises

 

We at Etiquipedia are looking to find some other documentation for a Gilded Age Los Angeles “400” but have had no success to date. We are convinced many cities of the era emulated the New York’s society circle of “400,” —actually only 319 names were on the famous list—  but this is the first time we’ve seen a rival to Ward McAllister’s lofty, self-proclaimed perch, be presented or suggested in a news report.
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“Four hundred might be one of the only numbers that has a place in the dictionary. Its definition reads: ‘The social elite of a community.’ But it wasn’t until the late 1800s that ‘400’ had any real value. Before The Real Housewives of NYC, Mrs. Caroline Schermerhorn Astor dominated Gilded Age New York society, throwing the balls that everyone who was anyone attended. The problem was that her ballroom only held 400 people, and thanks to the Civil War and the Industrial Revolution, there were now many more than 400 high society millionaires in New York City. So she had to narrow down the list of invitees to the absolute most important and elite New Yorkers. She enlisted self-proclaimed society expert Ward McAllister to help her whittle down the numbers, and The Four Hundred was born. Those who made the cut included Roosevelts and Winthrops, among other famously fancy last name.” — Du Jour.com 

The Los Angeles “400” is Impressed!

The promotion of Lieutenant John A. Dapray to the position of paymaster in the army with the rank of major and the salary of $4800. per annum is greeted by the Los Angeles “400” with enthusiastic empressement. Perhaps there is no officer in the army who has won more laurels in leading a german victoriously across the deadly floor or in heading the grand march of a ballroom in its bold reconnoissance at the opening festivities of a soirée dansante. When he was here on the staff of General Miles, he was distinguished as a master of society etiquette, and by his exquisite conventionality in dress and his coolness and bravery in charging the social sideboard or the festive table, he was the cynosure of all eyes. 

He has passed the rubicons of several winters in Washington, and society there has acclaimed him as the conquering hero of its routs and social functions. It is not too much to say recognition of the young lieutenant's transcending merits by promotion to a height which in actual field service on the frontier of forty years rarely attains, will elevate him to the position of a dangerous rival to Ward McAllister. He wears an overcoat all bedizened with frogs and bullion, and that's something in his favor. — Los Angeles Herald, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette’s Importance in a Democracy

For hundreds of years, books of etiquette have been big sellers. This is especially true during “etiquette eras” — periods in time when etiquette lessons and books become fashionable. 

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“Not long ago a prominent American writer suggested that etiquette should be taught in the public schools, with some authentic work on the subject for a text book. Apparently her suggestion fell in with the public mind. And why not? There is nothing which sets the individual at ease in any society like training in the ordinary social usages.”

“ETIQUETTE”

The most called-for book at present in a great city library is a volume on “etiquette,” recently put on the market by a woman honestly conversant with the subject in its application to modern life. It is an interesting situation. Not long ago a prominent American writer suggested that etiquette should be taught in the public schools, with some authentic work on the subject for a text book. Apparently her suggestion fell in with the public mind. And why not? There is nothing which sets the individual at ease in any society like training in the ordinary social usages. 

Most social distinctions are made not upon the merit of the individual but upon his manners. Nothing fans class bitterness more fiercely than the unfortunate comparison between the unconscious ease of one who has had the advantage of training in the ordinary etiquette of polite society and another who has been denied it. If America is a true democracy, why should not this difference be wiped out by training in the public schools, just as other differences are, by daily study and practice? — Stockton Independent, 1923

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

McAllister... Supreme on Social Matters

The son of Ward McAllister, the self-appointed “social arbiter of the Gilded Age,” was reportedly permanently removed without pay from his job as a District Court Judge for Alaska, due to “drunkenness, indolence and incompetency.”
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When asked about the court’s decision, McAllister said that in social matters, he recognized no authority except his own, but in matters legal, he took off his hat to the authority of the Supreme Court of the United States.
— Photo source, Pinterest

The “McAllister Decision”

New York, May 20.— Ward McAllister was interviewed by the World To-day on the Supreme Court decision that his son (the ex-Alaska Judge) was not entitled to a salary after his removal. McAllister says that in social matters, he recognizes no authority except his own, but in matters legal, he takes off his hat to the authority of the Supreme Court of the United States. Just like any other good citizen, he had nothing to say as to the propriety, etiquette and good taste of such decision. — San Francisco Call, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Art of Modern Introductions

How to Introduce Yourself 
and Others

(Socially and Professionally)

When you know how to introduce yourself and others in social and business situations, your confidence level reaches new heights and you suddenly find yourself unstoppable.

Can knowing this one little piece of etiquette really do this for someone?

Yes!

The art of introductions is the cornerstone of bringing people together.  And once mastered, you automatically assume the role of host wherever you go.  But remember, great hosting comes with great responsibility.

Allow me to provide some guidelines . . .

How to Introduce Yourself

No matter where you go, you're bound to see someone you don't know.  And in appropriate settings like a networking event, a birthday party, a big get-together at a friend's home, you should make the most of these social opportunities by introducing yourself. 

A self-introduction is as simple as saying, "Hi, we haven’t met.  I’m (insert your name here)," as you extend your hand for the common handshake.

If you're approaching someone you are familiar with, you could make your introduction a bit friendlier by using his name, "Mr. Robinson, my name is _________.  It's a pleasure to meet you."

Introducing Other People Socially

Now let's stretch your comfort zone and begin introducing others.  Here is the four-part formula for making correct introductions.

If the people you're introducing are:

• Same age range, same gender - it doesn't matter whose name you say first.
• Same age range, different gender - say the female's name first.

"Claire, this is my coworker, Troy.  Troy, this is Claire."

Different age range - say the older person's name first.

"Uncle John, this is my friend, Marilyn Mims.  Marilyn, this is my uncle, John Pike."

If one person is a VIP - the VIP's name is spoken first.  VIP = guest of honor, military officers, judges, elected officials.

"Mayor Smith, I'd like to introduce Emma Gold.  Emma, this is our Mayor, Tita Smith."

Also Keep in Mind

• When introducing relatives, be sure and give their full names.  Your friends wouldn't call your parents "Mom" or "Dad", but won't have any other option unless you tell their names.
• In business, and more formal occasions, use first and last names when introducing people.
• It is always helpful to give a little more information about the people you are introducing.  "Troy, this is Claire.  She enjoys horseback riding, too."  You've just given Troy a terrific conversation starter, for which he will be grateful!
• Smile and shake hands.  A warm, friendly smile wins people over every time.  Use it with the standard American greeting of shaking hands, and you'll definitely make a great impression.  And remember to make eye contact! 
  
• Notice that in social introductions there are two sentences.  Be sure you don't interrupt before the introduction is complete.
  

Introducing Others at Business Events

Introductions in the professional world are based on position and rank in the company/organization.  State the name of the highest-ranking person first.

“Mr. Williams (boss), this is our new office assistant, Karen Staker.”

“Ms. Johnson (company president), may I introduce the head of 
our production department, Bill Sable.”

When a client or special sponsor/benefactor is being introduced, state the client’s name first, even if the person from your company/organization has a higher position in his/her company.  For example, your client is a VP of her company, and you are introducing her to your company’s President.

“Sally Jacobs, I’d like you to meet Dr. Richard Strong, who is our 
Founding Director of Simple.org.”

When you are introducing two people of equal rank in the corporate or academic hierarchy, introduce the one you know less well to the one you know better.

“John Kelly (you know him pretty well), I’d like you to meet Gretchen 
Smith (you’ve only recently met).”

Also and Always

• After the introduction, continue addressing the person as Mr. or Ms. unless you are given permission to use his/her first name.  (You may choose to accept the offer or not.)
• In formal/official business situations and at dinners, your host meets and greets you, and also introduces you to others.  In networking situations, introduce yourself. 
  
• Re-introductions are helpful.  Someone is always struggling to remember a name.
• If someone enters your office or work area and introduces himself as Bill Smith, "Welcome, Mr. Smith" always works.  Formality shows respect.
• Don't forget to use your first and last name when introducing yourself!
  
  

Make the Most of Introduction Opportunities

Meeting someone new is like opening a gift.  You never know if your new acquaintance will turn into a best friend, an important client, or the love of your life.  The thrill of surprise is endless.

Now that you know how to introduce yourself and other people, there are many opportunities awaiting you.  Remember, the only true faux pas you can make here is not introducing yourself or someone else in your presence.

Practice these guidelines as often as you can.  And keep me posted on your progress!

 Contributor, Candace Smith is a retired, national award-winning secondary school educator, Candace Smith teaches university students and professionals the soft skills of etiquette and protocol. She found these skills necessary in her own life after her husband received international recognition in 2002. Plunged into a new “normal” of travel and formal social gatherings with global leaders, she discovered how uncomfortable she was in many important social situations. After extensive training in etiquette and protocol, Candace realized a markedly increased confidence level in meeting and greeting and dining skills and was inspired to share these skills that will help others gain comfort and confidence in dining and networking situations. Learn more at http://www.candacesmithetiquette.com/

Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia