Too Lady-like to Attract Men?

Idealized images of the ultimate “lady-like women,” shopping for gloves in a 1906 Ivory soap advertisement.

TOO LADYLIKE?

We note that the new coffee club is to have “no smoking” rule; also that dominoes, crokinole, and like ladylike games are to be provided. We don't know much about coffee clubs and perhaps our advice is foolish; but we do know a great deal about the sort of men who hang around saloons, and if it is the purpose of the coffee club to attract these men it is our opinion that the less ladylike and Sunday-schooly its atmosphere, the better. 

These men will not go where they are not comfortable. Most of them like to smoke a pipe and those of them who do not would feel uncomfortable in a place where it is forbidden. They may not care much to play cards, but they would feel more comfortable if card-playing were permitted and some of them might be kept from gambling if there were a decent place available to play cards without gambling. 

Even a rule against swearing, if enforced very strictly, would make the place uncomfortable to men to whom an occasional “damn” is part of their daily vocabulary. If these are the men that are wanted, and if there is any serious purpose to compete with the saloons in providing a pleasant and comfortable meeting place, it would be a mistake to enforce Sunday school morals or church-parlor manners. If this is not the purpose, of course that is a different matter. A ladylike: coffee club doubtless has its uses. But it will not keep anybody away from the saloons.– Fresno Republican, 1906

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Edwardian Receptions

     

Will you kindly inform me the proper thing to do at a reception? Should I leave my calling card? What should be served? – S. A. B.

Greet your hostess, be served to refreshments, leave your card and take your departure, is about the prescribed formula for an afternoon reception. 

Tea, coffee, chocolate, sandwiches, wafers, nuts and bonbons, salad, and sherbet of ice cream are the usual refreshments served in the dining room. Two or more ladies, generally intimate friends of the hostess, “pour,” with one or two waiters assisting in the service.– From Madame Merri, 1912

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

On Meals and Dining of 1905

At noon the family sits down to a simple breakfast—fruit, broiled chicken, creamed potatoes, hot bread and coffee, for example. The maid has few dishes to wash, is not too tired to enjoy her afternoon off, and gets away two or three hours earlier than her less fortunate sisters. Also she remains where she is hired—which has its advantages. Only a light lunch is needed in the evening which the mistress may serve, leaving the dishes to be washed in the morning.

There is an old saying to the effect that “all may eat, but ladies and gentlemen dine.” The difference lies more in the preparation and manner of serving than in the food itself, and whether her evening meal is a banquet or a repast of the lunch-counter sort rests wholly with the housewife.

We pause long enough to pay our disrespects to that barbarous institution known in America as the Sunday Dinner. On six days in the week, the average business man eats a light luncheon or none at all. On the seventh day, at an unaccustomed hour, he eats a heavy meal, goes to sleep shortly afterward, and wonders why Monday is a “blue day.”

Our uncivilized Sundays are responsible for our Monday morning headaches and for the gloom which, in many a household, does not wear off until Tuesday morning. If Sunday were a day of fasting instead of a day of feasting, Monday might be radiant occasionally instead of riotous or revolutionary.

We make Sunday a hard day for the women of the household, especially the servants, and the imperial liver appertaining to the Head of the Establishment balks sometimes at the strain. The American Sunday Dinner is one cause of the American Servant Problem—and everybody knows what that is.

In more than one household, a twelve or one o’clock breakfast has proved both hygienic and satisfactory. Coffee and rolls are served to those who want them at eight or nine o’clock, if they come into the dining-room. At noon the family sits down to a simple breakfast—fruit, broiled chicken, creamed potatoes, hot bread and coffee, for example. The maid has few dishes to wash, is not too tired to enjoy her afternoon off, and gets away two or three hours earlier than her less fortunate sisters. Also she remains where she is hired—which has its advantages. Only a light lunch is needed in the evening which the mistress may serve, leaving the dishes to be washed in the morning.

Owing to the aforesaid American Servant Problem an increasing number of women do their own housework—not from choice, but from stern necessity. This book is intended for the woman in a small house or apartment, who is her own cook, who earnestly desires to do her duty by her family, yet be something more than a wearied and soul-sickened drudge; who has to look after her dimes and nickels, if not her pennies, and who wants more than the weekly “afternoon off” accorded to the stronger women who undertake domestic tasks.

Simplicity—and, as a general rule, economy—has been the standard by which each recipe has been judged. All are within the capabilities of the most inexperienced cook, who is willing to follow directions, and, in the case of such variable materials as flour and eggs, trust, now and then, to her own judgment. — From, “The Myrtle Reed Cook Book,” 1905

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian London Club Etiquette

The most famous American Duchess of them all, Consuelo Spencer-Churchill, Duchess of Marlborough, was a member of the prominent American Vanderbilt family. Her marriage to Charles Spencer-Churchill, 9th Duke of Marlborough became an international symbol of the socially advantageous, but loveless, “Dollar Princess” marriages, which were so common during the Gilded Age.

The American Duchess, followed by her motor, led Miss Cochon of Chicago out St. James Street. “Oh, there’s the Duke!” cried Miss Cochon of Chicago as they passed Brooks club, but the Duchess said hurriedly: “Don't look at him, my dear, or he will cut you. Don’t you understand club etiquette?” “No; not if it differs from other etiquette.” “Well,” said the Duchess, “it differs altogether. The club, you see, originated in London. The club has been defined as the weapon wherewith the savage keeps the white woman at a distance. In club etiquette, women are ignored. As you pass White's or the Carlton, the Junior Carlton or Brooks, you will see your best friends, top hat pushed back and hands folded on stick, glaring solemnly at you from this window or from that, but your best friends won't speak to you. It isn't club etiquette. And if you spoke to them it would be a worse faux pas than if you appeared at court under the influence of liquor.”—Cincinnati Enquirer, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Basic Edwardian Social Graces

At the “home dinner,” the napkin, if not too soiled, should be placed in the ring to be used again at breakfast or luncheon. —  A Webster Company silver catalog page of all the napkin rings they offer.

1. A gentleman always rises from his chair when a lady enters or leaves the room. 
2. On a man's visiting card, only titles that indicate a rank or profession for life, should be used. 
3. At a ball, one may not refuse a certain dance to one gentleman and then dance it with another. 
4. A letter to a married woman is directed with her husband’s name or initials and her own as, Mrs. Thomas R. Gibbs or Mrs. T. R. Gibbs. 
5. To be polite to one we dislike is not necessarily being insincere. Politeness is not so much a manifestation toward others, as an indication of what we are ourselves. We owe it to ourselves to be well bred. 
6. On formal occasions, no napkin rings appear on the table and the napkin is used but the once. 
7. At the “home dinner,” the napkin, if not too soiled, should be placed in the ring to be used again at breakfast or luncheon. — Auburn Journal, 1904

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Floriography and Etiquette

Floriography is a means of cryptological communication, through the use or arrangement of flowers and plants. In Kate Greenaway’s illustrated “Language of Flowers.”, there are over 30 meanings for as many types of roses. — photo source Cliff Graber

Symbolic meaning has been attributed to flowers for centuries. Originating in the Courts of Constantinople in early 18th-century Turkey, and spreading throughout the world, the term for this is “Floriography.” Floriography has been practiced in some form in traditional cultures throughout the world. 

Both flowers and plants are used as symbols in the Hebrew Bible, particularly for love and lovers. In the “Song of Songs,“ flowers and plants are symbolic for the Israelite people, as well as for the coming Messiah. 

In Western culture, popular authors like Shakespeare, ascribed symbolic meanings to flowers, which encouraged readers to employ the symbolisms. Interest in floriography soared in popular culture in Victorian England and in the United States during the 19th century. 

Most books on etiquette and decorum offered lengthy lists of flowers and their meanings. Coded messages, created with flowers, were sent as romantic gestures. The sender of such a bouquet could express feelings which would not be socially appropriate to verbalize or send in writing, during the Victorian era. 

Numerous books on flowers, plants and their meanings, were published in The 17th and 18th centuries. The most popular book in Western culture on floriography is Victorian, Kate Greenaway’s illustrated “Language of Flowers.” The book’s popularity continued into the Edwardian era and beyond.

In Greenaway’s book, no flower was left off of her extensive list. Roses had many meanings, depending on the type and color, as shown below:

1. Rose, Austrian — Thou art all that is lovely
2. Rose, Bridal — Happy love
3. Rose, Burgundy — Unconscious beauty
4. Rose, Cabbage — Ambassador of love
5. Rose, Campion — Only deserve my love
6. Rose, Carolina — Love is dangerous
7. Rose, China — Beauty always new
8. Rose, Christmas — Tranquillize my anxiety
9. Rose, Daily — Thy smile I aspire to
10. Rose, Damask — Brilliant complexion
11. Rose, Deep Red — Bashful shame
12. Rose, Dog — Pleasure and pain.
13. Rose, Guelder — Winter, Age
14. Rose, Hundred-leaved — Pride 
15. Rose, Japan — Beauty is your only attraction 
16. Rose, Maiden Blush — If you love me, you will find it out 
17. Rose, Multiflora — Grace 
18. Rose, Mundi — Variety
19. Rose, Musk — Capricious beauty
20. Rose, Musk, Cluster — Charming 
21. Rose, Single — Simplicity 
22. Rose, Thornless — Early attachment 
23. Rose, Unique — Call me not beautiful 
24. Rose, White — I am worthy of you 
25. Rose, White (withered) — Transient impressions.
26. Rose, Yellow — Decrease of love, Jealously
27. Rose, York and Lancaster — War 
28. Rose, Full-blown, placed over two Buds — Secrecy 
29. Rose, White and Red together — Unity 
30. Roses, Crown of — Reward of virtue 
31. Rosebud, Red — Pure and lovely
32. Rosebud, White — Girlhood 
33. Rosebud, Moss — Confession of love

        *From a variety of sources, including Wikipedia 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Expected Edwardian Etiquette

You didn’t know? To make yourself the hero of your own story, or to speak much of your own performances, denotes deep-seated self-conceit, and may be very distasteful to others, who also have achieved!

1. In a company of people, it is the height of rudeness to call attention to the form or features or dress of any one present.
2. In using a handkerchief, always do so unobtrusively. At the dining table it should be used very sparingly.
3. Better retire than be obnoxious to even the most fastidious.
4. Never look over the shoulder of any one who is reading or writing, whether in the home, or in a car, or at a concert, or anywhere else.
5. Do not touch anyone in order to arrest his attention, but address him.
6. To lend a borrowed article is an appropriation of it which is next to stealing, unless one has permission of the owner to do so.
7. Self-control in excitement of any sort is a most valuable trait. It always makes for comfort of one's self and of others, and often for safety.
8. Do not pass between two persons who are talking together, if avoidable. If it is not, then apologize.
9. Never refuse to receive an apology. Courtesy requires, no matter how unforgivable the offense, that an apology should be accepted. Friendship may not be restored, but friendly courtesy should always thereafter be maintained.
10. Never neglect to perform a commission which a friend intrusted to you. Forgetfulness denotes lack of regard for the friend.
11. Never fail to be punctual at the time appointed, in keeping every engagement.
12. To make yourself the hero of your own story, or to speak much of your own performances, denotes deep-seated self-conceit, and may be very distasteful to others, who also have achieved. – Edith Ordway 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian Table Manners in England

Oyster forks in the Delmonico pattern – “Oysters are another puzzle in eating. I have often seen young ladies, who from their actions one might judge to be dining out for the first time, try to cut the bivalve in half; and sometimes the results would be very amusing. Oysters should, of course, be eaten whole, balanced on a fork. Then again, thoughtless people will often smother said food in cayenne pepper and nearly choke themselves when trying to digest it.” 

He had been a waiter in a smart West End hotel, London, and had come to Los Angeles, California, for his health. “Speaking of manners,” he said, pointing to an article in a recent woman’s magazine upon that subject while we were eating at the same table in the Vegetarian Cafe, “it is queer the atrocious manners people, even in so-called polite society, exhibit in public, especially at the public dining table.”

“Apropos of what are your remarks” we inquired timidly. “So far as my experience goes,” he went on, “I have seen a great deal of bad manners in waiting on public dining-tables in London, some through ignorance of table etiquette; others because they were careless of the laws governing table politeness. He lifted up his eyes in a somewhat critical way.

“For instance both asparagus and Indian corn should be eaten with the fingers. I have often seen such tackled with knife and fork. Of course, this is not a crime, but how embarrassing it made those thus misusing the knife to discover their fellow-diners using their fingers. What to do with the knife they knew not! They could not very well lay it back on the table and to leave it on the plate would cause them to be minus what they would need for the next course. In such cases, I have often mercifully removed the used tools and supplied clean ones in their place. Of course, I was usually tipped for my trouble.

“Again, olives are usually a puzzle to diners. These should be taken in the fingers from the dish, and eaten between courses. I have seen amateur diners-out place them on the plate with whatever dish they were eating, and frantically strive to cut them into pieces with a knife; and often the olive flies off into a neighbor’s lap. Tipping one’s soup plate toward one is a common error. It should be tipped away from the eater.

“Oysters are another puzzle in eating. I have often seen young ladies, who from their actions one might judge to be dining out for the first time, try to cut the bivalve in half; and sometimes the results would be very amusing. Oysters should, of course, be eaten whole, balanced on a fork. Then again, thoughtless people will often smother said food in cayenne pepper and nearly choke themselves when trying to digest it.

“Then there is the finger-bowl. One would think that this was such a common thing that people knew what it was for. But I saw one man at a hunt dinner in a country house in England actually pick up the bowl and drink the water therefrom, to the great astonishment of the other guests.”– Los Angeles Herald, 1908

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Mustache Etiquette and Facial Fads

“There is no worthier accomplishment for a man with a moustache than to take soup in an inoffensive manner… and by no means should the moustache be used to strain the soup.” –Cornelia Dobbs’ 1908 book, Guide to Manners

Is Clean Shaven Man Losing His Popularity? – Smooth Face Fad Growing in Disfavor Abroad —————————————————

London Women Admit That They Prefer to Be Kissed by Wearers of a Mustache — “Dear Man” With Mustache and a Tickle Popular

LONDON, July. 7.— Is woman’s admiration for the man with the clean shaven face waning? Many men and women In London say it is, and a revival of the mustache is promised. A well-known woman writer of fiction confesses to liking the mustache. She says: “To speak quite truthfully, I do not like beards; upon that point I am firm. But whether a mustache is or is not an ornament, I am not quite certain. Men in pictures and men on the stage look best with clean shaven faces and I like my hero in fiction to possess clear-cut features, a hairless chin and an unshaven lip. If he were described as plump and bearded I should detest him. But a mustached husband I could ask for half a dozen hats at a time, whereas the stern set mouth of the clean shaven one, pursed up to utter a rigid ‘No,’ before my words were fairly uttered, would, I am certain, terrorize me into meekly suggesting one.

“I asked my dearest girl friend to arbitrate upon this important question and her ready reply leads me to fancy that she favors the mustache. Says she: “‘A dear man almost kissed me once. It was in Aunt Gwendolyn's conservatory and if Aunt G. had not at that moment seen fit to whisk out of the drawing-room almost into our united arms. I should have been able to state with decision whether I prefer the kisses of the smooth lipped man, or those of one of the mustached persuasion. The brushing of this man’s mustache upon my cheek I thought distinctly pleasant; it seemed to promise something different from the ordinary experience.

‘Kipling somewhere says, or makes a young girl say: “To be kissed by a man without a mustache is like eating an egg without salt.” I think, so far as my experience has gone, that I am in agreement with this opinion. After all, you see, one does not expect a man's kiss to be just like a woman’s. Army men, I opine, owe some of the popularity they enjoy among my sex to the mustaches they wear. Who would not rather be taken out on the river by a young lieutenant than a briefless barrister, whose academic honors are too deeply written on his hairless face? The young lieutenant is a figure of romance, with all the charm and virility of the grown up, though still juvenile, cavalier, whereas the boy barrister is an absurd example, an old head on young shoulders, weighed down with responsibilities and cares.

“But when a man has left the golden age of extreme youth, then, I fancy, he looks handsomer and younger unshaven. That is because so many men wear mustuches for their health’s sake, when they are over 60, ugly, grizzled, straggly mustaches, which they declare filter the air, or keep them from catching cold (a frequent excuse for that abomination, the long beard), or do something else wise, but not picturesque; perchance conceal a weak mouth or unbeautiful teeth, or lessen the apparent measurement of an over important nose.” – Special Cable to The Herald, 1906

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Skirt Dancing

“When she danced in America in 1888, the critics were surprised to see a dancer who did not show her legs and breasts.” –Popular British “Skirt Dancer,” Letty Lind (source Wikipedia) 

Skirt dancing was a huge craze, popularized by dancers Kate Vaughan and Letty Lind, until around 1910. Fusing modesty and elements like the grace of ballet and footwork of step-dancing. Step-dancing was seen as lacking in grace and considered “common.” A dancer’s skill in the manipulation of up to 12 metres of fabric in the skirt of her costume was key. According to Wikipedia, “Skirt dancing’s advantage over ballet was that people could do it at home, and it became popular among all social classes. Lind was able to differentiate herself from other skirt dancers because she had the benefit of classical training that most of them did not, and she often added an acrobatic touch to the end of her dances.”

Skirt Dancing In Private Life 

Fashionable women are not all of them contented with society dancing. The interest in skirt, serpentine and Spanish dancing has been a caprice of the last two seasons, which is still in strong evidence. “I have on my books,” said one of the most prominent teachers of skirt dancing, “the names of many women who are well known in New York society. They come, some of them, under assumed names, and many of them with any excuse except the frank one of wanting to learn how to do the dance.” It is true, however, that many women do undertake stage dancing because they consider it excellent gymnastic exercise and beneficial to their health. Others practice it in connection with their Delsarte course. Others still think the supple movements will improve their gait and carriage, and still others take a serious and thorough course to reduce their weight. 

In the practice for skirt dancing, every muscle of the body is brought into active play, and superfluous flesh is kept down. Several well known New York actresses, whose duties never call for any sort of dancing, are adepts in the skirt steps, having learned them for this very purpose—to counteract a tendency to stoutness. “Women of all ages, from 16 to 50, are found in my classes, and the elder women are, many of them, as light and graceful as their younger classmates. All fancy they have a talent for the work, and many give evidence of having practiced at home before taking lessons. There are a number of small women's clubs and coteries of intimates whose existence is not suspected outside the initiated, at whose gatherings the skirt dance is done with varying proficiency by different members. Two that meet in lovely rooms on the top floor of Murray Hill homes count some of my pupils among their members, and they are delightful dancers. The devotion to skirt dancing has grown much this season over last, and the caprice shows no sign of abatement.” —New York Times, 1893

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

A Barbarous Etiquette?

Bertie was, according to Professor Jane Ridley, “the first English Prince to visit Jerusalem since Richard the Lionheart, but he got on much better with the Muslims than the Crusader did.” – 

Nearly 40 years prior to becoming King Edward VII, young Prince Albert, known as Bertie, was sent by Queen Victoria on a Royal tour of Egypt and the Holy Places of Palestine and Syria.This trip became the template for the British Royals and tours we know of today, not least because it was the first that the people could actually see as an official photographer, Francis Bedford, accompanied the Prince. While on the tour, in a move that even today’s Royal Princes might consider a step too far – Bertie got a tattoo on his forearm  – five crosses forming a Crusader’s Jerusalem cross.  

The order issued by the King of Great Britain for his first entry into Parliament includes a requirement that women participating shall wear dresses cut low. The affair will take place in the afternoon. The order must, therefore, shock the American flunkies, who maintain that a swallow-tail coat and a low-necked gown must never be worn before 6 o'clock, summer or winter. There are men and women who profoundly wish that neither a swallow-tail coat nor a low-necked dress should ever be worn, with an exception in favor of cutting out the dress bodice modestly for coolness in the heated term. The objection to the Royal and Imperial British order for low-necked dresses when the Emperor of India opens the houses of Parliament is, however, purely humane. 

Every woman who can will endeavor to be present on so exciting an occasion. The order is absolute as to exposure of the shoulders and bust to winter weather, whatever it may be that day. Pneumonia is as prevalent in London as in Chicago, perhaps more so. The doctors will have a profitable increase of business following the day the Emperor of India appears before Parliament. Nor should the new Monarch be hastily censured for this barbarous ritual. He has said that he will follow the steps of the late Monarch, who never relaxed or suspended this rule at her drawing rooms, always held by day, and always the cause of serious illness, with their full proportion of consequent deaths. This is one of the objects for which Monarchies are maintained — to thin out the population.— Chicago Chronicle, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Offending Royal Medical Etiquette

“The King recently heard of her power and during his visit to Chatsworth summoned her to soothe the pain in his injured foot, which the surgeons have had in hand since his accident while shooting a couple of months ago.”

American Woman Makes Strange Cures in London – Impresses His Majesty While Offending Medical Etiquette

Her Hands Said to Be Charged With Something That Is Akin to Radium

LONDON, Feb. 3.—A well-known American woman here, whose husband managed to go through all his money and hers, suddenly discovered that she possesses remarkable healing powers and has been turning her gift to account. If she continues to succeed as she has done in the last few weeks, she will soon find herself rich again, for society patients pour in upon her. The King recently heard of her power and during his visit to Chatsworth summoned her to soothe the pain in his injured foot, which the surgeons have had in hand since his accident while shooting a couple of months ago. 

It was the Duchess of Devonshire who told his Majesty of the woman's powers, her Grace herself having made a wonderful “cure” from neuritis through the healer's machinations. A short time ago, the friends of the Duchess had an idea that her days were numbered, owing to an acute attack of that painful disease. One fine morning, however, to the amazement of every one, it was discovered that she was well. The doctors were staggered and regarded the transformation as a mystery. The patient, being a wise woman of her generation, kept the secret of her “cure,” knowing full well what a deadly thing it is to offend medical etiquette, and one of her physicians was in the King's household.

A great scientist who has examined the hands of the healer says they are charged with something akin to radium, so much so that if one of the palms is placed too long upon a patient's skin it singes it slightly. She is regarded as a phenomenon and is arousing immense interest in medical and scientific circles, but as she has been a well-known society woman she is endeavoring to keep her name a secret. – San Francisco Call, 1904 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Epitomized for Women

Woman's redingote, c. 1790. Silk and cotton satin and plain weave. Los Angeles County Museum of Art

1905 in “Winter Women’s World”

A New Walk 

“A new figure and a new poise have been called into existence by the winter fashions. A slow, languorous movement of the limbs is therefore cultivated, as being more conducive to grace when wearing the long redingote coat and the newly introduced ‘Princess Styles.’ The new walk is just a little suggestive of the ‘Gibson Girl,’ but in a modified form. 

“The figure is held upright at the shoulders, with the slightest forward bend at the waist, the head is erect, the chin in, and the legs swing from the hips. The practice of sleeping on the back or one side is fatal to the new poise. If the woman of fashion would look tall and stately she must sleep face downwards, with a small pillow tightly wedged under her chin in order to avoid suffocation.”

Etiquette Epitomized

A written reply to the hostess is required to a written invitation to a dinner luncheon or card party.

The first invitation from a new acquaintance should always, where it is possible, be accepted.

When rising from the table at a dinner, luncheon, etc., It is not necessary to replace one’s chair.

At the leave-taking, it is permissible, and an act of friendship and courtesy, to shake hands with your hostess. – Los Angeles Herald, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Women’s New Year Glove Etiquette

There is no hand clasp like the bare one. In one's own home, the extended hand should be gloveless.

Edwardian Etiquette for Gloves 

and the New Year

It is in the height of etiquette to go without gloves at the New Year reception, for there is no hand clasp like the bare one. In one's own home, the extended hand should be gloveless. Still, there are hostesses who wear long gloves New Year's day, and for them there are the gloves with handsomely trimmed tops. 

There is this about the long glove— that it comes well up toward the shoulder and sort of dresses up the arm and is becoming. Another has a top trimmed with applique put on to make a still upper part. A third has a lace top with the kid cut out underneath the lace, while there is another style that has the embroidered top, the roses coming out in full relief of color against the kid background. It is difficult to purchase such gloves ready made, but they can be ordered to match one's costume. – San Francisco Call, December, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Men’s 1911 Etiquette Do’s and Don’ts

“I know that women’s hats often annoy you more than yours possibly can them. I have been informed of these and all other arguments on the subject before. But you see, I didn't establish the custom. Convention did that and she still favors it.” – Ruth Cameron, 1911

A Few Etiquette “Do’s and Dont’s” for the Masculine Sex

• Never smoke when on the street with a woman. 
• Never smoke when in the room with women, no matter how well you know them, without asking their permission. 
• When you are smoking, never talk with your pipe between your teeth. Always remove it before speaking. 
• Always remove your hat in an elevator where there are women. Yes, I know that an elevator is not so very different from a street car, and men keep their hats on there, and I know that women’s hats often annoy you more than yours possibly can them. I have been informed of these and all other arguments on the subject before. But you see, I didn't establish the custom. Convention did that and she still favors it. 
• Never just touch your hat. The true gentleman always lifts it well off his head. 
• Never take a woman's arm in the street. If you wish to assist her you should offer her your arm, but that is not customary except at night or if she is aged or infirm. 
• When you are with a woman, always get off a car before her, so that you may help her off. 
• Never clean your nails or pick your teeth in the presence of your intimate friends any more than you would in public. It is just as unpleasant to them to have to see you as to the general public, and surely you owe them as much consideration. (Will the people who think that warning is not needed, anyway please watch and see how many really decent looking men they see offending that way?)
• Always rise when a woman enters the room where you are calling and remain standing until she is seated. 
• In the theater, if an usher helps you find the seat, let the lady precede you. Otherwise you precede her. 
• Don't sit in a street car with your feet stretched out in front of you where people will be apt to tumble over them. That is selfish and dangerous, as well as ill bred. 
• At the table, always remain standing behind your chair until your hostess is seated. I think it is a charming bit of domestic ceremony when this custom is carried out in the home circle and the father and children remain standing until the mother is seated.  – by Ruth Cameron, in The Morning Chat-Chat, 1911

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Edwardian Era Etiquette for Men

A generation has witnessed extraordinary concessions to comfort in summer clothes. Suits of linen and duck and seersucker date from before the war, but it is only since the 1880’s that unstarched shirts and low-cut shoes of tan or patent leather has come into general use.

Question of Clothes a Great Problem

Where Is the Deadline Between Men’s Comfort and Decorum?

The hot wave brings, up anew the question of midsummer negligee. To what extent may conventionality in clothes be disregarded for comfort. The refusal of the management of a fashionable hotel to serve a guest in his shirtsleeves was an incident of yesterday’s news. At the Congress of Whist Players a southerner of the old school remained true to traditions of respect for the presence of ladies and sweltered in broadcloth, while the other players sat coatless. Where is the deadline of decorum to be drawn? 

A generation has witnessed extraordinary concessions to comfort in summer clothes. Suits of linen and duck and seersucker date from before the war, but it is only since the eighties that unstarched shirts and low-cut shoes of tan or patent leather has come into general use. It is during that period that outing clothes and the “two-piece” suits of thin fabrics and washable materials have gained their great hold and the belt universally replaced the suspenders. “Athletic” underwear, so called, is of very recent adoption. The inroad of negligee on manners is a serious phase of the question. 

The shirtwaist man is endurable in his place, but that place is clearly not at a public dinner table or a formal public gathering, nor yet in an automobile. The question of shirtsleeves on the streets is a moot one. But does the slight gain in personal comfort compensate for the necessary loss of self-respect? The line of propriety in summer clothes is now so lax that it should not needlessly be overstepped. – New York Tribune, 1908

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Royal Questions of Etiquette

There are certain obstacles in the way, but it is hoped that they may not prove insurmountable. In the first place, a Court official of experience says, as the Prince of Wales represents the King, it would be unusual for him to visit any foreign country officially, except as the guest of that country's Chief of State or its government. King Edward personally is said to be strongly favorable to such a visit, yet he may be slow to establish a precedent which hereafter might lead to trouble or misunderstanding. – The Prince of Wales of 1902, would go on to become King George V, in 1910. He was the only “Emperor of India” to be present at his own Delhi Durbar.

Invitation to the Prince  

London is Surprised and Gratified – Serious Obstacles in the Way of His Acceptance – Questions of Etiquette May Interfere With His Being the Guest of the New York Chamber of Commerce—King Edward is Personally in Favor of the Visit

LONDON, April 7.—The suggestion that the Prince of Wales attend the dedication of the new home of the New York Chamber of Commerce excites the liveliest surprise here, coupled with satisfaction at the indication of good feeling on the part of the leading members of America's industrial community. Undoubtedly, it is hoped in political circles, that the expected invitation will be accepted. Inquiries have elicited the fact that in Royal Court, and official circles, it is recognized that there are certain obstacles in the way, but it is hoped that they may not prove insurmountable. In the first place, a Court official of experience says, as the Prince of Wales represents the King, it would be unusual for him to visit any foreign country officially, except as the guest of that country's Chief of State or its government. King Edward personally is said to be strongly favorable to such a visit, yet he may be slow to establish a precedent which hereafter might lead to trouble or misunderstanding. 

Then, the fact that other European Royal heirs apparent and persons of eminence have been invited, raises questions of etiquette which assume very serious dimensions in the eyes of Royalty and Court functionaries. It has been already arranged that the Prince shall go to India next winter to make a tour of the Empire and to attend the proclaiming of his father Emperor of that dependency. The Court official heretofore mentioned, points out that unless the Prince can visit New York on the way, it will be too great a strain on him to cross the Atlantic and back in the autumn, especially as heavy demands on his, by no means, robust constitution will be made by the Coronation festivities. Anyway, it is a fact that such a visit would be extremely popular here, and it is believed in Court circles that the King, who is well aware of the international advantages of such an interchange of courtesies, will do all in his power to accede to the New York Chamber of Commerce's hospitable invitation. – Los Angeles Herald, 1902

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edward’s Disciplined Court Etiquette

Crowned King Edward VII in August 1902, the former Prince of Wales threw himself into his new role with energy. His reign restored sparkle to the British Monarchy. Diplomatically skilled, he was the first British Monarch to visit Russia. In 1902, he founded the Order of Merit to reward those who distinguished themselves in science, art or literature. Related to most European royalty and known as the ‘Uncle of Europe’, he was able to assist in foreign policy negotiations. His well-received addresses during his state visit to Paris, helped pave the way for the Anglo-French Entente Cordiale of 1904.

A Change in the Prince

Hidden away in the weekly gossip column of The Birmingham Post, is the following remarkable account of the change which has come over His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales. “We are all Socialists at heart.” said the Prince of Wales the other day, when talking to a statesman of the old school, who was lamenting the progress of Socialism. “And this conviction renders the outward semblance of Conservatism more and more difficult to maintain.” This feeling on the part of His Royal Highness, combined with the necessity of upholding the old institutions at Court, must have rendered the Prince’s position irksome at times. 

Report declares that he has, for many seasons, been using every endeavor to establish discipline among the ladies and gentlemen of the Court circle by observance of the strict rules of etiquette established in the early part of the present reign. During the long retirement of her Majesty after the great affliction which befell her, the discipline she had established grew somewhat relaxed, and various Court scandals served to point the moral and adorn the tale of the stump orators and brawling demagogues, who remained unmolested in their attacks, until it became difficult to put them down. The Prince of Wales was only awakened to the necessity of assuming the responsibility of his position by his own name being unjustly compromised, and he then resolved to restore the dignity of the Court, which had been suffered to become a prey to the slanders of the Socialistic party. 

He has been for some time pursuing his task, not of restoring, but modifying, the severity of the ancient costumes, so as to render them tolerable both to the Courtiers of the past and those of today. The idea of dispensing with the bare necks and naked shoulders of the ladies frequenting her Majesty’s drawing room seems to be the first step in this direction, and, it is said, emanates from the Prince himself, who, being present at a Court reception at Vienna, was struck with the dignity and propriety of the dresses of the ladies. The Queen was much averse to the change; but the Princess of Wales urged it so earnestly that her Majesty has yielded at length.—Boston Herald, 1889

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Carriage and Auto Etiquette

Slowly and deliberately she turns to the footman and mentions the destination to which she will be driven. It is regarded as a shade more elegant for the lady to look directly in front of her, and, not noticing the waiting footman entirely, to speak her wishes as if she were addressing the wind, as if it ought to be glad to obey her.

Shades of snobbery and class warfare in early 20th century America – “My dear footman, you are the wind and happy to obey me!”

Carriage etiquette is rigid and precise. Take the matter of getttng into a Victoria, for example. The footman stands on the sidewalk. He may have the lap robe over his arms, or it may be spread over the front of the carriage. The lady steps into the Victoria without noticing the respectful way in which he touches his cockaded hat. She settles herself comfortably down in the cushions. Then her part is done and his begins. 

It is his task to tuck the lap robe about you, and then pass back of the carriage, and see that it is properly adjusted on the other side. All this must be done with the greatest deliberation. The footman finally finishes his work and places himself on the sidewalk by the Victoria to receive his mistress' orders. It is then that his mistress for the first time says where she is going. To be really elegant, the lady must show no signs of hurry.

Slowly and deliberately she turns to the footman and mentions the destination to which she will be driven. It is regarded as a shade more elegant for the lady to look directly in front of her, and, not noticing the waiting footman entirely, to speak her wishes as if she were addressing the wind, as if it ought to be glad to obey her.

In calling, the lady does not leave her carriage until the footman has rung the doorbell and learned if the lady of the house is at home. If she it not, he leaves the card and returns to the vehicle for orders, says the Washington Post. The same thing is required of the chauffeur of a private motor. The arrival of a private motor in front of a house has, indeed, come to be an occasion of ceremony.

The vehicle hurdles up. The chauffeur alights, opens the door, and receives the card. He goes up the steps and rings the bell. The lady is at home. He hands in the card and returns to the motor.

Its occupant then alights. If there is a footman, he accompanies her up the steps to ring the bell again if necessary. In any case, he must extricate the occupant of the vehicle before he allows her to alight from the motor. – Los Angeles Herald, 1906

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Women’s Etiquette and Smoking

In foreign countries where women have always smoked openly, one may do as one pleases about using tobacco. Smoking is fashionable, therefore inconspicuous. In America, it has always been associated with women whose existence refined families refuse to recognize, so the woman who permits the public to see her while indulging in the doubtful habit, is not spared censure and loss of respect, even with wealth and name at her back. The world is getting used to black sheep from respectable folds.

We have accepted many innovations, but I doubt if the men of our families ever permit us to indulge the habit of smoking in public. There is a host of women who take a cigarette with husband or brother, but they are generally too discreet, too careful of appearances to lay themselves open to criticism on a matter that savors of the halfworld. Appearance we must observe, my friends. We must conform to the customs of the place in which we live, if they represent decency. In foreign countries where women have always smoked openly, one may do as one pleases about using tobacco. Smoking is fashionable, therefore inconspicuous. In America, it has always been associated with women whose existence refined families refuse to recognize, so the woman who permits the public to see her while indulging in the doubtful habit, is not spared censure and loss of respect, even with wealth and name at her back. The world is getting used to black sheep from respectable folds.

The daughter of a family in a small and rather straight-laced city went to a large city to earn her living. Her brother had preceded her, and both broadened rapidly in the unfamiliar atmosphere. They were so accustomed to dining at hotels that the difference between the unwritten laws of etiquette in home and large cities escaped their memory. The brother had been away from home so long as to he almost forgotten, and when he and his sister paid a visit to their home he was not recognized on the evening he escorted his sister to the dining-room of the principal hotel in the place. But she was, and it required just twentyfour hours for the news to reach the ears of the mother, who was quite as shocked as anybody in the city. 

She had been called away to a sick relation and expected the pair to eat dinner at home. They saw the chance for a bit of pleasure elsewhere, and took it without a thought of the manner in which the act would be looked upon. Only strangers could dine at that, or any hotel there unnoticed, and the fact that the man was taken for a stranger made it look worse for his sister. Both made light of the matter, as might be expected, but they never repeated the experiment through fear of public opinion which, after all has weight. I presume there are women who enjoy being conspicuous— I judge so from things they do —but the great majority prefer to keep on the side of good taste —and good sense. Smoking taints the breath and discolors the teeth —some physicians declare that it injures health —but if women want to take all these risks, and the men nearest them do not object, there is really nothing to he done save to appeal to them to spare the feelings of the public. –Betty Bradeen, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia