The Etiquette Defining Black Tie

“Black Tie” generally means a tuxedo for men, but women have a variety of options... Too much of a variety, it seems! — “Men generally follow the custom of wearing a tuxedo, but at any given black-tie event, women show up in trousers, ball gowns and dresses of all descriptions starting with minis and heading south to the floor.”

Designers Dance to Different Tunes When Defining Black Tie

The invitation arrives in the mail. Two words loom large in one corner. They’re engraved: BLACK TIE.

The question is, what does black tie mean today? Well, definitely not long white kid gloves—it hasn’t meant that since Daisy went to East Egg. Your girlfriends say it means a gold lame mini. Maybe they’re right, if you’re 22 and going out on the town with Tim Hutton.

Men generally follow the custom of wearing a tuxedo, but at any given black-tie event, women show up in trousers, ball gowns and dresses of all descriptions starting with minis and heading south to the floor.

When you get right down to it, not even Nancy Livingston knows for sure. She says she’s “confused” like everyone else.

The always-correct president of the Music Center’s Amazing Blue Ribbon sighs: “It’s the hardest thing to decide what to wear and end up with something that’s appropriate for the occasion.” A pause. “I really haven’t conquered any of this.”

If she’s not sure, who is?

We asked 10 designers in New York and Los Angeles what the new evening etiquette is and found that hardly any two agree. Here are their responses:

Carolina Herrera: “For me, black tie means floor length. If it is a very, very dressy mid-calf dress, perhaps with embroidery, then maybe. The mood is changing. Things are going in a very elegant direction. Everybody wants to be very glamorous and chic for evening. The rules are more relaxed, but the elegant things are coming back because women want to look like women.

“I suppose you have to dress according to the event. If you’re going to dance at the Viennese Ball, where you know the room is very big, then big ball gowns that move are pretty. If you’re going to the theater or the opera or a dinner where you are going to be seated for most of the night, you cannot wear a ball gown because it won’t fit in the chair. I see that happen many times. It’s going to be very uncomfortable for you and for your partner.

“I don’t like sandals for evening. I never liked them. The shoes should be very slinky pumps, not too heavy and not too open. Maybe open at the back, but never at the toe. I don’t like the way toes look. And real silk stockings should be worn in ivory or white, although sometimes you have to wear black. The minaudieres (hard-cover purses) are all right if you already own one, but I wouldn’t buy one now. There are too many copies around. I like satin bags, grosgrain and gold lame. For ball gowns, I also like capes, usually satin lined in ermine or sable. Jackets can be velvet on the outside and Russian broadtail or sable inside.”

Bill Blass: “That’s what’s marvelous about now. Somebody can wear trousers, somebody can wear a strapless ball gown, somebody can wear a short, ruffly dress. I like the idea that there are so many options. I don’t think that it should be a problem; choices give a woman individuality.

“I do think the general rule is a long dress. You’d probably feel better and safer in a long dress, properly covered. When the party is in somebody’s home, I think that when in doubt, dress up to please the hostess. . . . The biggest mistake women make is wearing clothing that looks as if they didn’t make an effort. I’m not sure understated works anymore. A simple short dress is not a compliment to the hostess.

“There is a school that thinks ball gowns are still quite romantic. About a third of the women wear them in New York when there’s dancing involved. A ball gown— very apt to be strapless, full-skirted and very, very romantic— is marvelous when there’s a lot of dancing, but they’re awkward in someone’s home.

“I think pants are very important, although I take a dim view of a woman wearing a tuxedo. Important pants with a great beaded jacket are fine.”

Oscar de la Renta: “I loathe black tie, to tell you the truth. All the waiters wear black tie. I always associate black tie with boredom. If anybody invites me to a black-tie party, I think about it twice.

“I think the biggest mistake women make is either overdressing or underdressing. One should assess the occasion and wear the right thing. One should delineate the uses of clothes. For the theater or an opening, everything goes. It’s much more comfortable to wear a very dressy short dress, rather than something that drags on the dirty floor. It’s uncomfortable to sit in a long dress for a long period of time. There’s no distinction at all between a cocktail dress and a short formal dress. Both are the same thing. No one dresses for cocktails and then goes home and changes for dinner.

“Minis? I hate them. They’re for young people, people who didn’t have a chance to wear them in the ‘60s. Anyone of the age to have worn them in the ‘60s should not wear them now.

“With jewelry, again it depends on the occasion. I like either the real McCoy or costume jewelry with its own look--some fantasy. You can express good design with any materials. Absolutely, you can combine real with costume. . . . I don’t like sandals. There’s nothing prettier than satin pumps, any color. Unless you have the most beautiful feet in the world, avoid sandals. There’s nothing worse than ugly toes. . . . A woman can wear a fur shawl, a coat, a lot of things. A beautiful cashmere shawl doesn’t wrinkle that much. You can smash it away or fold it up.”

Arnold Scaasi: “What’s nice is that women are dressing now. No one is going straight from the office anymore thinking that they can take off their tweed jacket and wear their satin blouse and tweed skirt. There was a time when women did that, but that’s finished. You have to go home, take a bath, set your hair, put on fresh makeup and feel festive.

“I went recently to a black-tie charity dinner, and a woman had on a very boring short black silk dress. I think that’s wrong. Women should wear something that looks gala and fun. Nobody wants a dumb, boring dress anymore. There used to be a rule that you wore a long-sleeve crepe dress. Now you can wear something bare and short, long and covered up or bare and long--whatever.

“But what you wear depends on the group of people who are going to be at the party. Is it a dressy group of people or a casual group of people? You also have to consider what kind of event it is. If you’re going to a charity ball, you definitely wear a dress to the floor. For a black-tie dinner-dance where someone’s being honored, you can wear long, midi or a very dressy short dress. For a dinner at home— not as formal as a ball— wear a long or a short, very dressy dress. Short to me is no shorter than knee-length. I don’t like mini dresses for my women. When you’re spending $1,500 or $2,000, I don’t think you should buy a dress that’s just a fad. I’m very bored with pants and a beaded top. I think that’s a cop-out. And I think women’s tuxedos are awful.

“If you wear a short dress, the shoes and stockings become all important. I like high-heel sandals and a bare, nude-color stocking, but I don’t mind a sheer black stocking. I sort of hate plum-color stockings with a plum dress. I think that looks awful for evening.

“I’d also rather see someone wear fake important jewels than real tiny, teeny boring jewelry with a wonderful dress. I hate that.”

Akira: “Women should wear what they feel comfortable in. The most important thing to me is that they be individuals. That’s the new approach.

“My customers are young. I’m 36 and I design for women my age or younger. I think long dresses for black tie are old-fashioned. I don’t like knee length either--that to me is too daytime. I like mid-calf or ankle length, and I like my customers in short dresses— way above the knee— 2 1/2 to three inches.

“But a woman who is going to wear a short, short dress has to know how to put it together with the proper accessories. The total look becomes more important. I recommend that women talk to the designer, a makeup artist, a hairdresser. You can’t wear the same hair style if your dress is way above the knee. Dark hair tends to look heavy with short skirts. I prefer less hair, a lighter look--like a chignon. Blondes can have fuzzy, big, long hair and still look light.

“With a short dress, you also need nice earrings— I like simple but large— and I see people wearing real stones again. If you’re going to play around with fakes, they should look obviously fake. You need well-made shoes. With ankle-length dresses, I like a lower heel. But with short-short, I like a 4 1/2- to five-inch satin pump. You’re showing your leg, so you need a long leg look. I also like matching stockings. If you’re wearing a lace dress with a short taffeta skirt, I’d put lace stockings with it. Or a fuchsia dress, fuchsia stockings and silver or platinum pumps. I think it should be totally coordinated.”

Michael Novarese: “I’d consider the hostess, where the party is held and who the party is for. It’s common sense. Some hostesses are known to give very elaborate, important parties. Others give black-tie parties but keep them in a more subtle vein. When there is a ball with a great theme, that in itself would establish the mode of dress. For example, when the Rodeo Drive Committee honored (James) Galanos, the clothes were very opulent. If it’s a party for the Cardinal, dress accordingly. If it’s the Academy Awards, less is better.

“For black tie, usually the gown should be long, but it can be mid-calf. Preferably long. . . . Until now, there have not been that many short important dresses available. Now there are more than there ever have been. I think for traveling--and that is becoming a very big factor today--it’s easier to pack a short elaborate dress. A short formal dress is appropriate if you are an out-of-towner. The short dress must be important, perhaps beaded, dramatic and in a color that would carry the look of formality. As a rule, a very shocking purple or a brilliant emerald green would do that. A plain black dress, if it is not adorned with jewelry, will not do it.

“Pants are also very important as long as they are elaborate. Tuxedos are excellent. If the lady has the correct figure, height and hair, tuxedos can be very sensual.

“The jewelry goes back to the importance of the evening. The more important the evening, the more important the jewelry. Imitation jewelry of quality is acceptable and amusing. There’s also the area of mixing fake with real. That’s OK, as long as the quality is there.

“Shoes are always high heel, either a sling pump, a closed pump or a sandal, usually in a dark silk. Dyed-to-match shoes are trying to make a comeback. They solve a lot of problems.”

Fabrice: “When it calls for black tie, a dress can be short or long, but I find short is really more important. More people are wearing short than long. A dress can be three inches above the knee, but it has to be major, something really major, either wonderfully beaded or with humor to it. It cannot be a boring garment.

“If you’re wearing an important dress, only the real jewelry. . . . I like a plain satin or peau de soie pump, preferably the color of the garment. A little minaudiere is chic to carry. And I like beautiful cashmere capes. They go over short or long. If it’s warm, a person wearing a bare dress should buy a jacket or stole or scarf to match the dress.”

Mary McFadden: “I don’t think length makes any difference, nor do I think silhouette makes any difference. I think it’s attitude. In order to be dressed up, a dress has to have embroidery or sequins and jewels or be in a unique fabrication like a very heavy silk crepe or a beautiful organza. Some dresses look better to the ankle, some look better to the ground. Short is all right too, but not any shorter than two inches below the knee.

“I’m not really in favor of short mink evening jackets. I much prefer wraps and stoles and throws in fox and ermine. If it’s cold, a full-length mink coat is very good because it doesn’t cut up the dress. If a woman doesn’t have fur, she can wear a full-length cloth coat. I don’t like in-between.

“I think closed shoes look better with evening clothes and complete the look. I happen to like a black, white, silver, bronze or gold satin with at least a three-inch heel. . . . I think fake jewels add a great deal of theater. The larger they are, the more dazzling they become, but if you’re going to wear fakes, keep them all fakes. If you’re going to wear real, keep it all real.”

Tracy Mills: “I’d say black tie is certainly any length now as long as the dress is dressy enough. I know the trend is very much toward short dresses, but you can’t take a short dinner dress and make it black tie. It’s perfectly acceptable to wear a short formal, but the dress should look very dressy. It cannot be too understated--like a boring little black dress. It’s got to have some sort of oomph--it can have some sparkle, although it doesn’t have to, or it can be in really dressy fabrics, such as polished organza, taffeta, crepe trimmed in stones or feathers or flowers. Definitely lace is in, and maybe an open kind of neckline. . . . For a short dress, the heels should be a little shorter. A medium-heel, dressy sandal is fabulous for short dresses. It makes the foot look so pretty.

“I love pants. I do know that pants are not so in; they’re not in the wind right now. But for California, I don’t see anything wrong with them if they’re really dressy.

“My first choice, though, is a long gown. I’m more traditional. If people are spending a lot of money to attend a party out of respect to the organization, long to me is just more elegant. That’s what it’s all about. I prefer to see people as elegant as possible. And to me, elegance is long rather than short.”

Jill Richards: “My feeling is that you can have many choices: long, mid-calf, a handkerchief hemline or a short bare dress just hitting the top of the knee or just below the knee. If a dress is bare enough, it becomes black tie--like a little strapless or a spaghetti strap. So does elaborate fabric, like sequined lace.

“Unless you’re the hostess and the party is in your home, I don’t think pants are where it’s at, especially not at a hotel black-tie function. My personal choice is a long gown, because, really, there aren’t that many opportunities to wear one, and they make you feel regal.

“For black tie, I think sandals are more delicate than pumps, and I’m a pearl freak. Diamonds and pearls are always a lovely combination. I don’t care for imitation jewelry at all.

“Wraps? That’s where the problems come in. To tell you the truth, I think women wear short dresses because they don’t have a coat to wear with a floor-length dress.” — By Betty Goodwin, Times Staff Writer, 1985

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Versus Club Comfort

It was Bernheim in 1904 who, according to the story, so far violated all precedents of summer etiquette, as to dine at the club one evening last summer, in his shirt sleeves. While the attire above may still not be allowed in the club dining room, over one hundred years later, most clubs have relaxed their dress codes a bit and many allow men to dine Informally in their shirt sleeves.

Club Man Dined in Shirt Sleeves

Warm Evening Cause of a Shock for Members

——————————————————

Sharp Note Sent to the Offender Divided Country Organization Into Two Opposing Factions

It is a question of summer etiquette, but it is mighty disturbing to the Century Country Club of White Plains, N. J., even though there are snow drifts on the golf links in the winter wind whipping shrilly up and down the Landers Road. And the question is:

“Ought a perfect gentleman in the presence of ladies, one being his wife, dine at his club on a hot summer’s night in his shirt sleeves? And if he oughtn’t and does, should the house committee, if they also are perfect gentlemen, take the erring member to task in a typewritten letter, dictated to a stenographer?”

Like every great question, this will never be settled until it is settled right.

Question’s Two Sides

The first part of the question has been raised by the house committee, of which Albert M. Wittenberg, wholesale coal dealer, is chairman, which includes Harry H. Meyer, president of the club and member of the stock exchange house of Sellgman & Meyer; Benjamin Stern of Stern Bros.’ dry goods firm, and Harry Rindskoff.

The tail end of the question has been raised by Henry C. Bernheim. It was Bernheim who, according to the story, so far violated all precedents of summer etiquette, as to dine at the club one evening last summer, in his shirt sleeves.

How It All Happened

According to Bernheim’s friends, he and his wife visited the club one afternoon last August. Bernheim played several sets of tennis. When the play was over he and his wife decided to dine at the club, and he ordered the dinner served on the veranda. When it was announced that dinner was ready it appeared to Mr. and Mrs. Bernheim that they were the only members in or about the house. After they sat down Bernheim felt the heat was oppressive and, always mindful of the courtesy due from a husband to his wife, he asked Mrs. Bernheim if she would mind if he dined without his coat. Mrs. Bernheim, having wifely sympathy for her husband, and having, moreover, some real knowledge of how well her husband, who is still one of the younger alumni of Columbia, looked in tennis flannels minus a coat, said she didn't mind in the least.

Finical Male Person About

Therefore Mr. and Mrs. Bernheim had a delightfully comfortable and quiet dinner, supposing they were the only persons except the servants in the building. It happened, however, so Bernheim’s friends assert, that there was a finical male person in the house who is so great a stickler for form that he wouldn't shock himself by appearing even before his wife without a coat. He saw the Bernheims dining and promptly reported to the house committee that the Bemheims were in utter ignorance of the first principles of propriety.

The house committee, or some of its members, particularly Harry H. Meyer, the club's president, were properly shocked and resolved that strong measures should be taken at once. The shirt sleeve habit must be nipped in the bud: It is asserted that the shock sustained by Mr. Meyer was so powerful as to pass clean through him and penetrate the feelings of some of the rest of the committee.

Bernheim Gets a Letter

This would appear to be true, for not long afterward Bernheim received a note typewritten on the club paper, which read in substance as follows:

“Dear Sir— The house committee has been informed that you recently dined at the club in the presence of ladies in your shirt sleeves. This is to inform you that such conduct will not be tolerated.”

The letter was signed with the name of Albert W. Wittenberg, club secretary. Underneath the name was “Per G.” “G,” it is said, was the initial ot the stenographer.

When Bernheim got the letter, he became a good deal hotter than he was on the night of the dinner. He lost no time in replying that he felt quite willing to admit it was hardly good form to sit down at dinner in one’s shirt sleeves, but he regarded the language of the letter as highly impertinent.

To this the house committee, or somebody representing it, replied to Bernheim that it was impertinent to call the committee’s language impertinent, and asked him to withdraw his impertinent impertinence. Up to a late hour tonight, Bernheim hadn't withdrawn anything. — Los Angeles Herald, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

First Impressions Etiquette

Your smile is your most powerful asset. Since we are all capable of smiling, unless facial impairments prevent us from doing so, we must make use of it as it can only work for our advantage.

First Impressions: Using Seven Steps within Seven Seconds

Do you recall someone who impressed you the first time you met? A colleague, a potential client, your boss, your future spouse, a VIP, a well-respected leader, etc...? Do you know that it takes only about seven seconds to form an impression of someone you just met? The rest is just a cherry on top, or not! Now think about how you come across when you meet someone for the first time.

The following are 7 easy steps to help you build upon your first impression...

Step 1: The Physical Appearance

Your clothes must match the image you want to reflect at any given occasion. If you have to project a professional image then choose suitable attire. For social settings, it is best to find out about the dress code and the venue beforehand. Ladies try to keep the make up discrete and shy away from overly done looks. Elegance, regardless of material capabilities, is best acquired when dressing appropriately to the age and the body form. As for men, avoid shirts that are too tight which might reveal some parts of the abdomen or shirt buttons open till the middle of the chest. Looks also incorporate the hair factor. The hairstyle and the cleanliness of it also contribute to the appeal of your physique. Therefore make sure to get the most suitable hairstyle for the shape of your face. You can work on your looks by seeking a professional stylist.

Step 2: The Posture

The proper posture helps you stand confidently and positively. With the right posture you will look more welcoming and interesting. When meeting someone for the first time, avoid fidgeting or slouching, for it can make you look anxious and confused or less attractive and insecure. While standing to meet someone, in order to improve your body posture, first pull your head back and make sure your chin is parallel to the floor. Then push your shoulders down and relax them all the while aligning them with your chest. Keep your feet parallel on the floor, unlock your knees and imagine a string pulling you up from your head towards the ceiling. Furthermore look straight ahead while walking. It will give your walk the sense of a purposeful direction. Finally, to maintain a healthy body posture you need to exercise regularly and/or practice the appropriate Yoga or Pilates techniques.

Step 3: The Voice

When you speak, your voice must commend assertiveness and confidence. The sound of your voice must be loud enough but not too hasty or anxious, yet soft enough but well articulated. Avoid using filler words such as “you know what I mean,” “like,” “yeah,” “umm,” etc... as they make you sound boring or hesitant. One way to check for your verbal communication skills is to record your voice on your phone and listen to it meticulously. Do your words sound clear? Are you pronouncing the consonants properly? Is your voice level going down unintentionally at the end of each sentence? You must aim at sounding pleasant yet assertive, approachable yet professional. Remember, in most cases and particularly in the case of first impressions, how you say something is more important than what you say. One might not remember the content of a first conversation with you but will recall how you sounded.

Step 4: The Eye Contact

No first impression could be significant enough without the required level of eye contact. When meeting someone for the first time, you must make eye contact. Before extending your arm, while extending it, throughout the shaking of the hand and until exchanging each other’s names, you must continue to make eye contact. In the Armenian culture, as with most Western cultures, under no circumstance can you get away with a positive first impression without the proper eye contact. Eye contact implies respect and acknowledgement to the person you are being introduced to.

Step 5: The Handshake

Do you know that people can tell a lot from your handshake? A firm and proper handshake, as opposed to a loose one, is what you need to be perceived as an assertive and sincere person during introductions. When meeting for the first time extend your arm; make sure the web of your hand touches that of the other person; have a good grip of your converser’s hand with the palms touching while your fingers and thumb are resting on the back of the other person’s palm and continue to shake hands until you both get introduced to each other properly. Also try not to hold too tightly your counterpart’s hand, since you will come across as a bone crusher!

Step 6: The Smile

Your smile is your most powerful asset. Since we are all capable of smiling, unless facial impairments prevent us from doing so, we must make use of it as it can only work for our advantage. But be careful of course and do it wisely! For instance, a cheeky smile to your friend’s spouse or your boss unnecessarily, might get you in trouble. Here I emphasize on the way you smile and the appropriateness of the occasion. Your smile must project sincerity, respect and genuine enthusiasm towards the situation and the person with whom you are conversing. Smiling is also contagious, so when you smile at a person you just met, your kind gesture is appreciated and meeting you is remembered as a pleasant experience.

Step 7: The Body Hygiene

Under no circumstance must you meet someone without considering the proper etiquette of hygiene. It can either make you look attractive or unpleasant. Proper hygiene is a necessity. It is a reflection of a healthy condition, while poor hygiene is associated with infections and germs. Teeth, hair and body must be washed and taken care of on a regular basis. Therefore, make sure your daily routine keeps your body, hair and teeth clean.

To recap, when meeting someone for the first time, you must make eye contact, smile and extend your arm to give an assertive handshake. Most of the time we all get only one chance to make a positive impression. Following the above seven steps as a guideline can help you sound more confident, impressive and unforgettable in a positive way. 

Meet our newest contributor, Irma Vartanian Balian, founding Director of ProtocolWise ™. She has lived in North America, Europe and the Middle East. Her rich cultural background, her commitment to excellence, along with her expertise in Protocol and Soft Diplomacy, equipped lrma to provide valuable advice to her clients while putting them at ease. Irma trains leaders, corporate teams, diplomats, individuals, families and professionals, both regionally and internationally with assurance and professionalism.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette  Encyclopedia 

Black Tie Etiquette

Long dresses tend to be a more elevated choice, therefore I always recommend full length gowns, especially if one is attending a high level event.

My past week was quite busy, exhausting, but also very successful. The picture above was taken at Saturday's gala dinner, which reminded me that ball season has just started, so it is the perfect time to share a few lines about “Black Tie Attire.” 

Apart from “White Tie Attire,” “Black Tie” is the most formal of all dress codes. It requires a sophisticated level of dressing. For women, the code typically calls for a floor-length dress or gown. While cocktail dresses can be an appropriate option for Black Tie (when the dress is stipulated as “Black Tie optional”), long dresses tend to be a more elevated choice, therefore I always recommend full length gowns, especially if one is attending a high level event. 

Cary Grant was the epitome of elegance in traditional “black tie” — “No matter what extremes Hollywood people go to in making black tie garish and tieless, the real thing retains its unassailable verve, élan and sheer swankiness.” —
Glenn O’Brien, GQ’s Original ‘Style Guy’ - Photo source, Pinterest 

For men, a traditional tuxedo and accompaniments is called for when the dress code is “Black Tie.” A traditional tuxedo consists of a black dinner jacket and matching trousers, a white formal shirt, a black bowtie, an optional black formal waistcoat, black socks and black formal shoes. It is so easy for men, right?

Contributor, Gabriella Kanyok, is a diplomatic protocol, etiquette and communication expert with more than 10 years' experience in working with EU institutes, NGOs, international organisations, and supporting professionals. She not only advises and trains government and EU officials, and businessmen in the field of diplomatic protocol and business etiquette, but she leads the communication department of an international organisation. Gabriella holds a Master’s degree in International Studies, and a Master’s in Protocol, Diplomacy and Cross Cultural Relations. She speaks Hungarian, English and French, and is currently learning Mandarin Chinese

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette from “The Housekeeper”

“An invitation to a ceremonious luncheon requires as prompt attention as one to a dinner, ...” – The Housekeeper was one of the numerous Victorian era magazines, which a woman could read for up and coming fashion trends, etiquette, recipes, keeping a home and more.  

Formal Luncheons and Breakfasts

“At luncheons, walking or carriage costumes are worn and bonnets may be retained; the gloves are removed at the table,” says The Housekeeper. “Ladies should arrive twenty or thirty minutes before the hour named for luncheon, and it is polite to take leave fifteen minutes after leaving the dining room. 

An invitation to a ceremonious luncheon requires as prompt attention as one to a dinner, and whether accepted or not, a call must be made within a week, or upon the first reception day of the hostess. Invitations to a breakfast require an immediate acknowledgment and a call within ten days after the entertainment. After returning to the drawing room, guests depart within half an hour.” – Los Angeles Herald, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Bell Bottom Blues

Proper court attire is surprisingly still rather “conservative” in this day and age. It was even more so 53 years ago, when “hip-hugger” bell bottom pants were just becoming trendy. An attorney can give the court dress etiquette one should follow. A quick search online found the following, along with tips including that of getting a haircut: “The judge, jury and everyone else in the courtroom will take notice of how you choose to present yourself to the court. You want to show that (a) you respect the courtroom and (b) that you are taking the matter seriously. Whether it is as simple as a contested traffic ticket or more complicated like a medical malpractice case, it is important to dress appropriately for court.” – from CohenJaffe.com, photo source Pinterest

Makes Girl Get a Dress For Decree

LOS ANGELES (UPI) Superior Judge Roger A. Pfaff yesterday objected to the attire and facial contortions of a waitress from nearby Panorama City, but he granted her a divorce anyway. The judge’s ire first was raised when she appeared in court attired in yellow bell bottom, hip - hugging “pajama pants.” “I’m not a stickler on so-called decorum,” said the judge. “But I will not let anyone come into my court and, testify in a pair of pajama pants or pedal pushers. Get yourself dressed up like a lady and I’ll hear your case.” 

The waitress went to a nearby store, bought a dress and returned. When she re-entered the courtroom, she apparently made a face and the judge thought she had struck out her tongue. Pfaff ordered her from the courtroom a second time, telling her attorney to “explain to her that you don’t make faces at judges.” Attorney Edwin Saul conferred with his client and explained to the judge that his client had wrinkled her nose at the thought of paying $11.47 for the dress. The judge then agreed to her case. She said her husband came home late at night. Pfaff granted the divorce. – La Habra Star, 1965

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Summer Attire Etiquette

On Summer Dressing: 

Don’t do that. Do this instead...

This article is part of Polished Professioals, “Don’t do that. Do this instead” series.

“Summertime, and the livin’ is easy…” 

Early 20th C. Beach Attire

The rest of this lyric is “Fish are jumpin’, and the cotton is high”**.  And no where is cotton (rayon, spandex, denim…you name it) higher than in summertime.

Before I begin, I would like to make a few things clear:

This is NOT a post about: how you dress for a picnic or a night out.
This IS a post about: our work lives and the perception of professionalism.

Strip down to the ‘bare’ essentials: 

DON’T DO THAT

When the temperatures and humidity start to soar the temptation to rid ourselves of all (or almost all) our clothes is understandable. The mere idea of being constrained in long sleeves, closed shoes or trousers is enough to make us hot and bothered.  However tempting it is to don your shorts and flip-flops and head to the office, don’t.

DO THIS INSTEAD: Find a balance

I know it can be tricky to find a balance between keeping cool and looking professional but trust me, it’s worth it.

Comfort vs. Credibility

I notice, every year, that many people use the excuse of summer, and hot weather, not just to wear fewer and/or cooler clothes but to abandon dress-sense entirely.   I know it’s hot, and I know that much of our more professional clothing can be restrictive. However, are you prepared to gain comfort at the risk of losing credibility?

The impact that our clothing has, both on those around us and ourselves, is something I find fascinating. What I find even more fascinating is that some people think it’s inconsequential; either that it doesn’t really matter or that they should just be allowed to ‘be who they are/wear what they want’, no matter what. It’s a fair point in some ways, we should be allowed to be who we are, but there’s a but. There’s always a but. In this case the but is that what we wear matters, and does have an impact on how others see us.

How we dress affects not just how others see us but how we view ourselves. When we dress down we not only project a lack of professionalism outwardly but we also suffer from it internally.

Even your subconscious notices the difference between your shorts/flip-flops combo and your best suit: have you ever noticed that you stand up a little straighter, behave a little better, and try harder not to spill on yourself when you’re wearing your ‘good’ clothes?  …and if your subconscious is paying attention then you better believe the person (boss, colleague, client) standing in front of you is.

Given that it always pays to look professional – even in hot, summer months – think about using some of these tips:

• Choose lighter weight, breathable fabrics such as linen or cotton
• Have a few pieces with a slightly looser fit; this helps in humid weather particularly
• Opt to keep your jacket and tie off until you need to wear them
• Pair a sleeveless dress or top with a light jacket or cardigan
• Keep your ‘work’ shoes at the office and change when you get there (this goes for both men and women)

Trust me when I say it’s worth making the effort. Sure, you might have to suffer a little along the way but the payoff – being the person who gets noticed for staying polished and professional at all times – will be worth it.

If you’d like to read more about the psychology behind dressing and appearance, take a look these articles:

• ‘What your clothes might be saying about you’ from Psychology Today
• ‘When clothing style influences cognitive style’ from The Association for Psychological Science

Hilary Robinson is the Senior Trainer and Owner of Polished Professionals in Toronto, Canada. With her background, spent running events for Prime Ministers, CEOs and academics (in the UK and Canada), one might think that she’s all about following the rules. However, she prefers to train people to understand their parameters, what it means to follow them, what advantages there are in knowing how and when to bend them, and the value in using good manners to put others at ease. With 20 years working worldwide in events and communications, Hilary believes manners and courtesy are not only powerful communication tools but the foundations on which self-confidence and success grow.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Papal Wardrobe

Heavenly Bodies — Fashion and the Catholic Imagination... Cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi, president of the Pontifical Council, had been wanting for some time for the dicastery to focus on the relationship between fashion, art and faith, and agreed to collaborate with an exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art because of the Met’s significance to culture and the potential global outreach, but officials were unaware of the widely criticized gala that took place last Monday night. “We wanted to be involved and those behind it had good intentions,” a Vatican official told the Register. The Met Gala “crossed a line and was openly, brazenly disrespectful,” wrote Piers Morgan, Catholic talk show host. Pop singer Rihanna dressed up as a provocative, sequinned pope and actress Jennifer Lopez wore a jewel-encrusted multi-coloured cross. The Met Gala is the annual curtain-raising event for its Summer exhibit. The Vatican has loaned 40 priceless items which serve as the “cornerstone” of the display, including “papal robes and accessories from the Sistine Chapel sacristy, many of which have never been seen outside the Vatican.”  – National Catholic Register Blogger Edward Pentin

A Wonderful Wardrobe

“The most costly wardrobe in the world is to be found at Rome, and belongs to the Pope,” says M. A. P. Each day etiquette compels him to wear different garments, and as nearly all of them are ornamented with rich and rare gems, no millionaire could hope to purchase them, even if a value could be placed on them. The Pope's little skull caps are of the finest and most beautiful of silk, while his slippers of embroidered velvet are gorgeous to look at, being works of art. His gloves, made of white wool, are still more costly, embroidered as they are, with fine pearls in the shape of a cross. A special flock of fifty sheep are kept, from which all the Papal woolen garments are manufactured. The surplices are of the most valuable and beautiful lace, while one long cape, the cappa magna, which is rarely worn, hangs straight from the shoulders, and literally gleams from top to bottom with gold and precious stones. The rings, too, which the Pope wears are priceless, containing, as they do, many stones of matchless quality. – Los Angeles Herald, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian Era Etiquette for Men

A generation has witnessed extraordinary concessions to comfort in summer clothes. Suits of linen and duck and seersucker date from before the war, but it is only since the 1880’s that unstarched shirts and low-cut shoes of tan or patent leather has come into general use.

Question of Clothes a Great Problem

Where Is the Deadline Between Men’s Comfort and Decorum?

The hot wave brings, up anew the question of midsummer negligee. To what extent may conventionality in clothes be disregarded for comfort. The refusal of the management of a fashionable hotel to serve a guest in his shirtsleeves was an incident of yesterday’s news. At the Congress of Whist Players a southerner of the old school remained true to traditions of respect for the presence of ladies and sweltered in broadcloth, while the other players sat coatless. Where is the deadline of decorum to be drawn? 

A generation has witnessed extraordinary concessions to comfort in summer clothes. Suits of linen and duck and seersucker date from before the war, but it is only since the eighties that unstarched shirts and low-cut shoes of tan or patent leather has come into general use. It is during that period that outing clothes and the “two-piece” suits of thin fabrics and washable materials have gained their great hold and the belt universally replaced the suspenders. “Athletic” underwear, so called, is of very recent adoption. The inroad of negligee on manners is a serious phase of the question. 

The shirtwaist man is endurable in his place, but that place is clearly not at a public dinner table or a formal public gathering, nor yet in an automobile. The question of shirtsleeves on the streets is a moot one. But does the slight gain in personal comfort compensate for the necessary loss of self-respect? The line of propriety in summer clothes is now so lax that it should not needlessly be overstepped. – New York Tribune, 1908

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Casual Attire

Style icons earn their status by using a bit of careful consideration and forethought when buying their clothes, (regardless of price) and by dressing appropriately for an occasion. Looking well groomed and stylish does not require a lot of money. In many cases, it merely requires common sense.

‘Casual Look’ Goes Too Far

“Her dresses always looked as though they had been designed in a rage and put on in a tempest... she tried to look picturesque but only succeeded in being untidy... like a bird of paradise that had been out all night in the rain.” Those words were written in 1890-91 by Oscar Wilde in "The Picture of Dorian Gray.” They could just as well be a commentary today on the way so many women are dressing. That “casual” look in clothes, in other words, has gone just too far it’s time for a return to some sanity, some semblance of elegance, clothes to make men’s eyes turn in admiration instead of astonishment. My suggestion is that we start spring by dressing up again. Why not begin with Easter Sunday?

Remember when it meant a special new bonnet, something to inspire an Irving Berlin song? Remember when you looked forward to the special new outfit to be worn on that day and when you’d not dream of going to church without hat and gloves? What changed it all? You could blame, or credit, everything from a general letdown in our requirements for etiquette, to rebellion against the “older generation” standards, to a new lifestyle that simply left no time for daily grooming requirements, such as washing white gloves and shining one’s shoes. You can say it all happened because we no longer had our fashion image makers constantly before us. White-gloved Princess Grace went off to royal duties and bringing up a family in Monaco. The Duchess of Windsor, a supreme example of elegance, went almost into seclusion after the death of the Duke, Britain’s former King.

Even Jacqueline Kennedy changed. When she was First Lady, Women’s Wear Daily gave her another title—“Her Elegance.” Then, women copied everything from the now Mrs. Aristotle Onassis pillbox hats, to her smart, lower-heeled shoes, and admired or envied her regal look when she entertained heads of state. Now, more often than not, we catch pictures of Mrs. Onassis windblown, wearing the eternal dark glasses, in pants and “poor boy” pullover tops. (Or, in the case of one Italian magazine’s claim, in the altogether). Somewhere we traded in neatness for carelessness and I think acceptance of pants everywhere —office, shopping, even the most elegant restaurants —helped pull down the barriers. 

I’m not anti-pantsuits so much as pro-skirts. Trousers have a definite place on the modern scene and I confess that I'm wearing them even as I write this at the office. But often, there is some feminine rebellion that says, “Put on a dress today,” and immediately I feel more like a woman. I take no strong stand one way or another on hats. They go handsomely with some faces, terribly with others. Apparently, the young are helping to bring them back, for the millinery industry reports a thriving business this spring. One of my earliest childhood memories, however, is of my mother in a new hat —an Easter one of pale gray straw, its wide “picture” brim covered with big flowers in assorted pinks, the whole thing a frame for her blonde Gibson Girl hair style. – By Gay Pauley, UPI Women’s Editor, New York, 1973

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

1960s Women’s Business Etiquette

Though the 1960’s Marlo Thomas’ sitcom, “That Girl” always featured her character impeccably dressed, this particular look wouldn’t make the cut in the Aetna office of 1967. The ‘kicky’ white hosiery and length of the skirt, would rule this look out. Then again, she played a struggling actress, not a secretary. As far as the advice for posture, grooming and courtesy goes, this is still valuable etiquette advice for most office jobs.

Neatness And Courtesy Boon To Girls Starting Job Soon

If you're planning to begin your first full-time job upon graduation this fall, you may be a little frightened at the prospect. Don’t be. The change from classroom to office will be an adventure. You’ll enjoy more money and more independence than you have ever had before. And you’ll have more responsibilities. A good appearance and cooperative attitude will go a long way in smoothing your adjustment to the business world. To help you make the change, here are some suggestions from Aetna Life and Casualty, which employs over 15,000 women nationally: 

• MAKE-UP: Avoid heavy make-up, especially on your eyes. Use a light touch to achieve a natural look. 
• HAIR; Wear it long or short, up or down, whichever way pleases you and compliments your face, but always have it shining clean and neat. 
• POSTURE: Stand tall. Slouching does nothing for the fit of your clothes, your appearance, or the way you feel. And, you won't tire as easily if you sit with your back straight and feet on the floor while typing. 
• CLOTHES: Your business wardrobe need not be expensive. Many of the clothes you already own will adapt nicely to office wear. Simple dresses, of course, are always appropriate. And you can utilize many of your skirts if you wear them with attractive blouses or dress sweaters. Save the button-down collars and shetlands for casual wear. Leave your mini’s at home. They don't adapt very well to sitting at a typewriter or bending over files. Hemlines should fall anywhere from the bottom of your knees to an inch above them, depending on your preference. 
• SHOES: While either high or low heels are acceptable, you’ll probably find the new lower heel styles most comfortable. Loafers and sandals are out. 
• HOSE: A must in the office, winter or summer. But keep them businesslike. Fishnet or textured stockings are “kicky” for fun times but not for work. Naturally, tights and knee socks are taboo. JEWELRY: Keep it simple. Dangling earrings and jangling bracelets are not only inappropriate in the office but present a safety hazard. They can get caught on typewriters and file drawers.
• HANDS: Keep them well groomed at all times. They are in the spotlight when you perform office duties. Nails should be of medium length and evenly tapered. Long nails have a habit of breaking when you type or, worse yet, getting in the way. A coat of clear light polish will make your nails more attractive and give them added strength to help prevent peeling and splitting.
• VOICE: Keep your voice controlled and distinct, especially in telephone conversations.
• PERSONALITY: Be friendly. You'll find that your coworkers will respond favorably. And remember that your boss deserves respect and consideration. 
• OFFICE ETIQUETTE: You will want to be more formal at work than you would be at home. Remember that any rule of etiquette is based on one simple concept making those around you feel comfortable in your presence. If you are polite and courteous, you will quickly feel “at home” in your new job. – Madera Tribume, 1967

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Travel

Learn the culture, what's acceptable and unacceptable. For example, "almost half of all Japanese hotels ban tourists with tattoos from public bathing areas due to tattoos being common among yakuza crime organizations, although these bans are being reconsidered by Japan’s tourism agencies in an effort to boost tourism. However, they’re not the only country with tattoo bans. Thailand and Sri Lanka are cracking down on tourists getting Buddha tattoos while visiting due to cultural insensitivity." — From TravelAgeWest.com 

Choose the Right Destination 

Make informed choices when picking destinations. Learning about a country or area before you go, will help you decide whether it's the right destination for you. It will hopefully prevent unpleasant surprises, too. What will the weather be like? What foods are commonly available? Unexpected extreme poverty, political policies, and even hygiene practices of the locals, can leave some travelers shocked, baffled or stunned. 

Do Some Homework

Travel isn't just about the sites, but the people, too. Aside from the usual guidebooks, government websites are good places to start researching a country's people or destination, and hundreds of foreign news sites can be found at online. Not surprisingly, personal blogs and vlogs from expats, can give you a really unique window into your chosen destination.

Respect Local Customs 

Study up on what's appropriate in terms of behavior and clothing. Visiting holy sites without wearing the proper attire and exhibiting appropriate behavior, can be extremely difficult. Knowledge of local customs will make you more at ease. It's also much less disruptive to the locals. 

Queue jumping is acceptable in some countries and unacceptable in others. A little research on your part, can go a long way in easing the frustrations of waiting in line.

Respect the environment around you, as more often than not, resources are scarce in developing countries, and may not be what you are expecting. Don't exhaust local supplies by overusing water or leaving excessive amounts of garbage in your wake. Locals will only be annoyed by what will be perceived as selfish behavior on your part.

Always bargain politely. Haggling over prices is seen as a fun type of "sport" in many foreign marketplaces and shops. It is even expected in others. Don't take your dickering too far though. In developing nations, a dollar or two will usually mean far more to the seller, than it ever will to you. 

Tipping can be expected in some places, while seen as an insult in other locales. Check beforehand to find out whether tipping is desired or expected. If tipping is required or encouraged, ask a guide for the typical amounts to give.

Watch Your Hand Gestures 

As insignificant as they may seem, one needs to use caution when gesturing with hands. When it comes to body language, err on the side of caution. Avoid gesturing with your hands and even pointing, if you're not sure what you are silently conveying. 

Represent 

Remember, you are representing the country that you are from. Don't spoil a place for other visitors and tourists from your home country, by exhibiting any ignorance of acceptable behavior when abroad.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Appropriate Attire

Will I be able to relax and behave with confidence, knowing that I've made a good selection?

Taste — Good, Bad and Indifferent

You've heard the term many times. As applied to fashion it means knowing and wearing those things that are right for the right occasion. What may be in good taste for the beach is probably not so for a shopping trip. What may look right on Sallie Mae not on you, and vice versa. How can you know that an outfit is or isn't in good taste for a certain occasion? Ask yourself:

• Will I feel comfortable physically, and psychologically, wearing this outfit on this occasion?
• Will I be able to relax and behave with confidence, knowing that I've made a good selection?
• Do I feel gaudy, overdressed or underdressed?
• Do I tug at my attire, or do I forget about it and enjoy myself? 

If you can answer yes to the first two questions and know to the last two, your outfit is probably in good taste.

Some Fashion Guidelines

• Keep current — you don't have to be fad happy. Just know what's going on out there in the fashion world. It's the only way you can pick and choose what's right for you.
• Know your strong points and emphasize them. Do you have a long Grecian neck, a wasp waist or shapely gams? Make the most of them! 
• Recognize your weak points, as well. Learn how to disguise them artfully with the illusion of color, fashion shaping and make up.
• Like and care for your clothes. Make good use of your trusty needle before that button falls off or that tiny tear becomes a major repair. Get to know your friendly neighborhood cleaning establishment and your "village cobbler." You'll look well groomed and you'll be surprised how your wardrobe has grown after the torn and soiled prodigals have been returned to the flock. — Wendy Ward Charm Book, 1972

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia