American Manners in 1981

State dinners had become so large by Ronald Reagan's presidency that none of the china could accommodate the number of guests. First Lady Nancy Reagan ordered 4,370 pieces of Lenox china, enough place settings of 19 pieces for 220 people. This was nearly twice as many placesettings as other recent services. The Reagans wanted a design that would display a strong presence for the subtly colored State Dining Room, now painted white. Nancy Reagan worked closely with Lenox designers to create a pattern with bands in a striking scarlet red, which was her favorite color. The pattern was bordered on each side with etched gold, which created a sparkling contrast with the soft ivory china. The presidential seal was in raised gold in the center, partially overlaying the red border. On pieces such as the service and dessert plates, fine gold crosshatching overlays the red. The Reagans were often criticized for the $209,508 cost, but the china was not funded by taxpayers. It was paid for by the J.P. Knapp Foundation.

The Social Graces Come Back Into Style

The Ronald Reagan family, setting a new lifestyle in the White House, also is turning America around on its social graces. You could call the process Nancy's national finishing school. Minding your Ps and Qs went into limbo in the revolutionary 1960s, remained there through the informal days of the Carter administration, but now is resurging under the Reagan influence, says one social arbiter who has written 12 etiquette books. What next? White gloves again, perhaps even hats, tea dances instead of disco, organdy replacing denim, and the waltz instead of the Texas two-step Marjabelle Stewart, who has made a successful career of teaching etiquette to everyone from 5-year-olds to executives on the way up. said the Reagans perhaps without being aware of their influence are casting an aura of elegance that is contagious. “They entertain graciously,” she said “They have the same attitudes, the same manners This is the most comfortable the White House has ever been ... all the Reagans did was move from one home to another. 

“The Reagans are truly representative Americans. They're so low key. They didnt have to have a new house. We had an aura when the Kennedys were in the White House. But Jackie brought a definitely European flavor. She leaned more to entertaining the French and British.” Mrs. Stewart, in a telephone interview from her home in Kewanne, Illinois, cited other factors reviving old-fashioned good manners and taste. “The royal wedding (of Prince Charles and Lady Diana) has had a big effect,” she said. “Think of how many Americans got up at weird hours to watch it on television. I'm in the Moline, Illinois, area and that meant getting up six hours early. Just how much that ultra-formal wedding will have in establishing more formality at weddings of other couples remains to be seen, when the peak marrying season arrives in the spring and summer. Especially with that 26 foot long train of Princess Diana’s,” she said. 

“It also remains to be seen how many young women will take to hats.” The Princess of Wales was hatted for her departure on the honeymoon and has worn chapeaux at almost every public appearance since. But then Britain's royal women have had an addiction to hats for generations. Mrs. Stewart said “renewed stress on formal education also was having an effect upward mobility, I call it,” she said. “You have a happy feeling that you're on your way. There is the communications influence. More people read, see and hear about everyday courtesies…Were buying etiquette books because we need them, not because we're putting on,” she said

Mrs. Stewart became an etiquette authority from running a finishing school in Silver Spring. Md. Robert Luce, a publisher, had a daughter in the school and suggested that Mrs. Stewart put some thoughts into a book. From this grew another idea: Why not offer etiquette classes through department stores? The White Gloves & Party Manners business was established in the 1960s. At one time, she had 400 franchises in leading stores around the nation. In the 70s she fell on hard times but says today, "I kept teaching in the Southern belt. They'd die before they give up their manners. – From and article by Gay Pauley, UPI Senior Editor:  1981

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

19th C. White House Etiquette

Guests to the White House should really keep their hands to themselves. “Inquisitive people often like to study the upholstery, perhaps, and they forget to replace the shams. The shelf ornaments may take their fancy, and they sometimes fail to restore things to the condition in which they were left at the dictation of the President’s aesthetic taste. In this democratic age, few people are aware of the grandeur to be seen in the home of the Chief Ruler of the nation.”
 U.S. President Chester A. Arthur, 1881-1885
- photo source US News and World Report 

Some Presidential Habits

President Arthur pays attention to every little detail of household decoration. He continually wants this or that article of furniture shifted about, to change the appearance of things. He is particular even to the exact angle at which the corner pieces of furniture rest, and on Mondays, when the rules he has made for the White House exclude visitors, it is his custom to inspect the house throughout and see that everything is in order. A reception is apt to leave some things topsy-turvy. 

Inquisitive people often like to study the upholstery, perhaps, and they forget to replace the shams. The shelf ornaments may take their fancy, and they sometimes fail to restore things to the condition in which they were left at the dictation of the President’s aesthetic taste. In this democratic age, few people are aware of the grandeur to be seen in the home of the Chief Ruler of the nation. 

The state dining room is the room in which the President entertains at table the distinguished guests. No matter whom it may be he is entertaining, the President is always served first. He sits at the centre of one side of the long table, his wife, if he be married, directly opposite him. It sometimes happens that the Secretary of State will be seated in the chair usually assigned to the President’s wife. After the President has been served, White House etiquette requires that the lady sitting next the President on his right, and then the lady on his left, be served before any others. Then the President’s wife is waited upon, and afterward the gentlemen immediately on her right and left, in the order named. Then the other guests follow. 

Whenever the table is set for a dinner, the large brass plateau is set for sixteen feet along the table, which was imported from France during the administration of President Monroe, is filled with fruits, flowers and French candies. In the centre, directly in front of the President, is placed a full rigged floral ship, which was sent to President Garfield at the time of the last inauguration by a Boston florist. The flowers are renewed from the White House conservatory. When the chandeliers and candelabra are lighted, and other effects produced to heighten the scene, the spectator is apt to think of the regal festivities of some other land than free America. 

Across the wide hall or corridor, which extends from the East Room to the large plant conservatory at the west end of the house, I was shown into the private dining room of the President. There I saw the handsome buffet and the sideboard which Mrs. Hayes had made during her stay in the While House. The buffet was ornamented with pretty platters and dishes finished from designs of Theodore Davis, the New York artist. The scene depicted upon each dish suggests a story of some kind. 

In the drawers of the sideboard is kept the White House silverware. The gold spoons which President Van Buren purchased are still here. They are said to have defeated him when he ran a second time for the Presidency. Some of the silverware I saw, Crump said, was seventy years old, and the side tables in the room have done duty for sixty five years. The President often entertains his company in this private dining room. Then the upper gas jets are lighted, and the eight candelabra, four of silver and four of brass, are distributed on the table and about the room, the reflectors all being so colored, as to impart a deep rosy tint to the scene. Sixteen pounds of candles are used to carry out this system of lighting by candelabra.

It may be of interest to some people to know the hours meals are served at the White House. During the Hayes’ administration, breakfast was served at 8:30 o'clock, lunch at 1:00 and dinner at 6:00. When President Garfield became the host, the hours were (an Ohio idea) changed, breakfast was ready at 7:30. dinner at 3:00 and tea at 7:00. President Arthur is not regular as to any meal except dinner, which is served at 8 o’clock in the evening (a metropolitan ideal). He is not an early riser, and it is not unusual for his breakfast to be as late as 10:30 o'clock. A cup of coffee is always relished by him at this meal. 

He rarely resigns himself to slumber till 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning, and five or six hours are all he requires for rest. How he maintains good health under the heavy strain of so many hours of activity is a question that troubles his friends. He is fond of the delicacies of the season, and his table is the least expensive of the various drafts upon his purse. — Cleveland Herald, 1882

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia

Presidential Etiquette and Thanks

In 1840, gold table settings became Presidential campaign issue. Helping William Henry Harrison, a simple frontiersman, grab the Presidency from Martin Van Buren. When Benjamin Harrison, his grandson, won the Presidency later, his wife, Caroline Harrison, wanted new White House china that would be “symbolic and meaningful to Americans.”  The First Lady, knowledgeable of the expected social graces of the day, was an artist herself. She placed the Coat of Arms of the United States in the center of the plates, and designed a goldenrod and corn motif, etched in gold around a wide band of blue. The corn represents Mrs. Harrison's home state of Indiana. Forty-four stars, one for each state at the time, make up the inner border. Mrs. Harrison directed a large-scale remodeling effort of the White House, adding a china closet to display all past Presidential china services. Caroline Harrison was not able to use the china she had ordered, as she died before it was delivered. The china arrived in December 1892.

A Card of Thanks from the President

“I desire for myself and for the ladies of our party, to give an expression of our thanks for many individual acts of courtesy, which, but for the pressure upon our time, would have been specially acknowledged. Friends who have been so kind, will not, I am sure, impute to us any lack of appreciation or intended neglect. The very excess of their kindness has made any adequate, and much more, any particular, return impossible. You will all believe that there has been no purposed neglect of any locality or individual. We leave you, with all good wishes for the State of California and all her people.”

– Benjamin Harrison

Originally published May 4, 1891 in the Daly Alta News, California 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

White House China Etiquette

The White House "China Room" in 1918

The ground floor China Room is where the White House collection of china is kept. Even the earliest Presidents received government funds to purchase state china. However, by a special clause in the appropriation bills, "decayed furnishings" could be sold and the proceeds used to buy replacements. Such "furnishings" included state china, and during the 19th century the cupboards were frequently swept clean and the contents carted off to auction. The money could then be used to order a new china service that better suited the President and his family.

Even into the 20th century, White House china was often given away if it was chipped or broken. Later, Congress passed a law that required that all U.S. Presidential china be kept or destroyed. When new dessert plates for the Johnson administration turned out badly, the White House staff smashed it against a basement wall painted with caricatures of the President's assistants.

Today, nearly all Presidents are represented in the china collection one way or another. And full services suitable for state dinners exist for the B. Harrison, Wilson, F.D. Roosevelt, Truman, L. Johnson, Reagan, and Clinton sets, although the older sets are much smaller than the newer ones and cannot be used for the largest events. Replacement pieces are occasionally ordered for these, as pieces become chipped or broken.

Wilson — 120 settings

F.D. Roosevelt — 120 settings

Truman — 120 settings

L Johnson — 216 settings

Reagan — 220 settings

Clinton — 300 settings

Bush — 320 setting formal set, 75 setting informal set

Above from the White House Museum.Org

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for 19th C. State Dinners

The long White House tables, all dressed up, for a State Dinner being held in honor of Admiral Dewey

State Dinner Etiquette

Just What the Host and Guests are Expected to Do 

The usual hour for a state dinner is 8 p.m. As the guests arrive, which should be fifteen minutes before the hour set, they are shown to the rooms for the removal of wrappings, and descend by the private stairway to the grand corridor and proceed direct to the East Room, where the President and lady await them. 
                                     

Benjamin Harrison was the President of the United States in 1890. This is a photo of the "Harrison Presidential china." For more on Presidential china, read our post on The Etiquette of White House Table Service and State Dinners or Etiquette and Dishing on White House China for State Dinners

Each gentleman, upon entering the room, is handed by an usher, a small envelope containing a card inscribed with the plan of the table and bearing the name of the lady he will escort. On the diagram, the number of the seats he and the lady will occupy are marked. After being received by the President, he examines the card and immediately joins the lady he will accompany to the State Dining Hall. The lady whom he has brought remains with him until her escort appears. 
                                            

"The President with the first lady guest, leads the way to the State Dining Room, followed by the remaining guests. The residing lady, escorted by the principal man, close the line." The first lady guest was the female guest of greatest importance. The residing lady was who is now known as the "First Lady" or "FLOTUS." For more who the original "First Ladies"of Washington D.C. society were, read our post on 19th C. Washington Societal Etiquette Above~ A stereoscopic view of the unset White House tables.

All the guests having arrived at the appointed hour, the steward announces the dinner is in readiness. The President with the first lady guest, leads the way to the State Dining Room, followed by the remaining guests. The residing lady, escorted by the principal man, close the line. The Marine band meanwhile performs a suitable march. In the dining room, the guests find their places and take the seats assigned them by the plate cards, which correspond in location with the diagram handed them upon entering the East Room.

A corner of the East Room, modern day.

There are four services at all State dinners. The dishes in their order are served on silver salvers by waiters, the guests helping themselves. The chief waiter serves the President first, and then proceeds toward the the right, and the second waiter toward the left. The same course is observed on the opposite side of the table, beginning with the presiding lady. No one is ever served twice. The plates of one course are removed as soon as each guest is finished, and the plate for the next is put in its place.

"There are four services at all State Dinners. The dishes in their order are served on silver salvers by waiters, the guests helping themselves."~ The first White House Cookbook was published in 1887. Not only did it have Presidential favorite foods, recipes and the menus from important meals and events held in the Executive Mansion, but it also had "recipes" for cosmetics and cleaners, basic etiquette of the day and tips on child rearing. It really had everything a lady of the Victorian Era ought to know. Its menus, recipes and helpful tips, made this a favorite cookbook of wives across the U.S. 

At the close of dinner, which lasts about three hours, it has been the custom of late years for the gentleman to leave the table with the ladies and not return. The custom during the earlier administrations was for the ladies to have their coffee served in the drawing-room, and for the gentleman to return to drink a single glass of wine to the health of the President. Gentlemen wishing to enjoy a cigar retire during the coffee to the corridor of the foot of the private stairway, but join the ladies when the presiding lady makes the motion to retire. After the promenade through the suite of parlors, the gentlemen surrender the ladies to the gentleman with whom they came, and with their own ladies take leave of the President and his lady. They should receive their wrappings and leave the building quietly and promptly. The last of the guests should have retired within thirty minutes after leaving the table. –From the Washington Star, March 15, 1890 

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette: The Dish on White House State Dinners

December 12, 1874: The first visiting head of state to attend a State Dinner at the White House was King David Kalakaua of the Kingdom of Hawaii, hosted by Ulysses S. Grant. 

Early 19th century dinners honoring the President's Cabinet, Congress, or other dignitaries were called 'State Dinners' even though they lacked official foreign representation. Under such conditions, large receptions and dinners were a rare occurrence. Washington D.C. society was a collection of widely separated, isolated villages, and at times almost inaccessible.

 June 8, 1939: Seating arrangements for the State Dinner for George VI of the United Kingdom, hosted by President and Mrs. Franklin D. Roosevelt...  Months of meticulous planning go into a State Dinner. The guest of honor’s country, culture, and favored preferences are thoroughly researched. The First Lady often chooses the décor and entertainment to highlight a certain aspect of American culture. Together, these considerations are translated into invitations, menus, guest lists, and entertainment. The results can be a form of diplomatic dialogue between the host and guest cultures.

As the times changed, so did the nation’s capital. A series of State Dinners were soon held every winter social season to honor Congress, the Supreme Court, and members of the Diplomatic Corps.

Extravagant floral arrangements and lights decorate the East Room of the White House for the state dinner given by President Theodore Roosevelt in honor of Prince Henry of Prussia in 1902.

In the late 19th century’s Gilded Age, the term ‘State Dinner’ had become synonymous with a dinner hosted by the President honoring a foreign head of state. The first visiting head of state to attend a State Dinner at the White House was King David Kalakaua of theKingdom of Hawaii, hosted by Ulysses S. Grant on December 12, 1874. According to Barry H. Landau’s book “The President’s Table,” there were just 36 guests but “as many as 29 courses,” all of them French, which was de rigueur at the time.

The Dish on White House China

Mrs. Benjamin Harrison, an accomplished china painter, designed her own official White House china in 1889 and, what's more, initiated the first continuous White House collection -- by now, what with breakage and pilferage, a fascinating assemblage of remnants.

In 1840, gold table settings became Presidential campaign issue. Helping William Henry Harrison, a simple frontiersman, grab the Presidency from Martin Van Buren. When Benjamin Harrison, his grandson, won the Presidency later, his wife, Caroline Harrison, wanted new White House china that would be “symbolic and meaningful to Americans.” The First Lady, an artist herself, placed the Coat of Arms of the United States in the center of the plates, and designed a goldenrod and corn motif etched in gold around a wide band of blue. The corn represents Mrs. Harrison’s home state of Indiana. Forty-four stars, one for each state at the time, make up the inner border. Mrs. Harrison directed a large-scale remodeling effort of the White House, adding a china closet to display all past Presidential china services. Caroline Harrison was not able to use the china she had ordered, as she died before it was delivered. The china arrived in December 1892.

Over the last 40 or so years, of the First Ladies who tried to supply full services for the usual 120 guest state dinners, very few have succeeded (Betty Ford doesn't count; she was in residence to briefly). Lady Bird Johnson contributed a 220 place wildflower service designed by Tiffany and company, produced by the American from Castleton, and paid for by Jane and Engelhard, the Far Hills, New Jersey, philanthropist.

Lady Bird Johnson is also known as "the first lady of wildflowers" in Texas. Lyndon and Lady Bird Johnson held over State Dinners along with weddings for both their daughters while in the White House

Pat Nixon was ready to give Lenox the go ahead for a service Clement Conger helped design but suddenly cancelled; a few days later Nixon resigned.  Rosalynn Carter made do with pieces from this service and that, intending to produce a set of Carter china later. There was no later; she overestimated Jimmy's re-electability. 

Turning the tables for a moment, this photo captures Richard Nixon at a State Dinner in China:  Mr. Nixon and First Lady Pat Nixon gave more State Dinners than any other first couple. “I believe I produced 76,” social secretary Lucy Winchester Breathitt, told Vanity Fair. Nixon was particular about where people sat at his State Dinners. Concerning Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, he noted in a memo: “Henry should not always be put next to the most glamorous woman present.  It’s starting to cause unfavorable talk that serves no useful purpose.”

By the time Nancy Reagan became First Lady, the most complete service, Lady Bird's, was down to 90 settings.  The handsome red and 24 karat gold-rimmed Lenox china -- designed by Nancy Reagan and Ted Graber with the Presidential seal should be around for awhile, even with occasional breakage; the 4,391 pieces include 220 place settings, 19 pieces per place.

Ronald and Nancy Reagan hosted 59 State Dinners in the two Presidential terms they spent in the White House.  Reagan loved to entertain, and preferred to serve California wines.

During the George W. Bush administration, 320 more formals sets sets of china were added for White House State Dinners (and 75 informal sets of china for the private quarters of the White House) though George and Laura Bush held very few State Dinners during their two terms-- only eleven in total.

George W. Bush White House state china in gold rim with a green basket-weave pattern and a historically-inspired gold eagle, manufactured by Lenox.

Dinner for 140

The White House “China Room” in 1918

The ground floor China Room is where the White House collection of china is kept. Even the earliest presidents received government funds to purchase state china. However, by a special clause in the appropriation bills, "decayed furnishings" could be sold and the proceeds used to buy replacements. Such "furnishings" included state china, and during the 19th century the cupboards were frequently swept clean and the contents carted off to auction. The money could then be used to order a new china service that better suited the president and his family.

Even into the 20th century, White House china was often given away if it was chipped or broken. Later, Congress passed a law that required that all presidential china be kept or destroyed. When new dessert plates for the Johnson administration turned out badly, the White House staff smashed it against a basement wall painted with caricatures of the president's assistants.

Today, nearly all presidents are represented in the china collection one way or another. And full services suitable for state dinners exist for the B Harrison, Wilson, FD Roosevelt, Truman, L Johnson, Reagan, and Clinton sets, although the older sets are much smaller than the newer ones and cannot be used for the largest events. Replacement pieces are occasionally ordered for these, as pieces become chipped or broken.

Wilson — 120 settings

FD Roosevelt — 120 settings

Truman — 120 settings

L Johnson — 216 settings

Reagan — 220 settings

Clinton — 300 settings

Bush — 320 setting formal set, 75 setting informal set

Above from the White House Museum.Org

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of White House Table Service and State Dinners

State dinners had become so large by Ronald Reagan's presidency that none of the china could accommodate the number of guests. First Lady Nancy Reagan ordered 4,370 pieces of Lenox china, enough place settings of 19 pieces for 220 people. This was nearly twice as many placesettings as other recent services. The Reagans wanted a design that would display a strong presence for the subtly colored State Dining Room, now painted white. Nancy Reagan worked closely with Lenox designers to create a pattern with bands in a striking scarlet red, which was her favorite color. The pattern was bordered on each side with etched gold, which created a sparkling contrast with the soft ivory china. The presidential seal was in raised gold in the center, partially overlaying the red border. On pieces such as the service and dessert plates, fine gold crosshatching overlays the red.  The Reagans were often criticized for the $209,508 cost, but the china was not funded by taxpayers. It was paid for by the J.P. Knapp Foundation.

All through the Cold War, the White House maintained the tradition of Russian table service at its official luncheons and dinners. And now that the Russians have switched from threatening to bewildering, there is talk of abolishing Russian service.

Trust Miss Manners to discover the one political issue that excites no one except herself. But perhaps she can stir something up.The question is only whether food at formal meals should be offered around on platters, with guests taking what they want, or whether each guest should be handed a pre-filled plate, with some of everything on it. Who cares?

But we're talking about a republic. Surely we can turn this into an emotional debate with charges of elitism and the stifling of creativity on one side, and of throwing people out of work and wasting the earth's resources on the other.

Stereoscopic view of the White House State Dining Room tables set in the latter half of the 19th century.  The tables were long at the time.  Jacqueline Kennedy changed White House dining when she opted to make a switch to smaller, and more intimate, round tables during the Kennedy Administration.   They remain round to this day.

The teams are: Russian, French, American (known to the English as English) and Restaurant, listed in reverse order of probable popularity. But since people seem to feel so passionately about their food nowadays (which is why Miss Manners figured that restaurants would claim loyalty before any country), their respective positions - long since removed from any real national claims - should be examined.

All of these are types of formal service, in the modern sense of meaning that guests do not actually have to bus their own dishes. (The equivalent understanding of informal service probably involves keeping the refrigerator door open, and Miss Manners doesn't want to know the details.)

In French service, huge numbers of dishes are set out in symmetrical patterns on the dining table, guests being expected to help themselves and one another from what they find within reach. Standard until the late 19th century, this may be said to survive in today's buffet table. But how we evolved to being dumber than the Victorians, who realized how foolish it was to ask human beings to eat standing up, Miss Manners cannot say.

In Russian service, which replaced the French, food is arranged on platters that are taken around to the seated guests, who serve themselves. Leaving enough to go around depends on the honor system.

The success of a state dinner tends to hinge on a well-choreographed series of social gestures. Other than not fighting, the rules are common-sensical: For example, don't wear a pink pantsuit like the one Martha Stewart did during the official visit of the president of Hungary- to much derision at a state dinner in June 1999 - and never sit down until the president does.
"You stand in deference, you don't begin eating until everyone at the table is served, you talk to everybody," according to Letitia Baldrige,  the late etiquette expert who was social secretary to Jacqueline Kennedy. "And you never complain about the food."

In formal American service, the only formal service that still honors the noble and ancient ritual of personally carving for one's guests, the host or hostess carves the meat at the table after inquiring about the preferences of each guest. If the veggies are put on, too, and if everyone passes the plates down the table (and, if they are overly polite, all the way around and back again), it is "family style," but if servers do all that, it is formal.

In Restaurant service, which is to say at all except the truly best restaurants, food is "plated" in the kitchen, and each person is given some of everything. The commercial attraction is that this is the speediest service, which employs the fewest people.

Notice that this is the only formal service in which guests are not allowed to choose what they take (although in restaurants, they have already stated their preferences when they ordered).

You see where Miss Manners is leading. She is about to suggest that if the White House changes from Russian service to Restaurant (the French system being defunct and the American being impractical for big dinners, however comfy it would be to see the president carving), good food will be wasted.

And that guests may find things on their plates to which they have philosophical, medical or religious objections. And that worthy people with families to support may find themselves out of jobs.

Miss Manners really doesn't want to use those tedious arguments, any more than she wants to fight the even worse arguments that Russian service inhibits the creativity of chefs who would prefer to dribble sauces artistically on plates rather than on platters, or that it is elitist because the citizenry doesn't eat that way every day.

She prefers to argue that the mere continuing of a graceful tradition to distinguish special-occasion dining from more practical methods for everyday use is what is important. There is a vast difference between dignity and pretentiousness.

For Dining and Diplomacy; The Clinton White House's Tables for Queen Elizabeth II's visit. Gaffes in this setting are long remembered. For example, Jimmy Carter's 1979 state dinner for Mexican president, Jose Lopez Portillo. Carter shocked his guests with an indiscreet joke about getting "Montezuma's revenge" (a severe diarrhea) while visiting Mexico. And protocol can only go so far when so many ambitious people are going to be crammed into one room. Social secretaries of past administrations can recall movie stars refusing to give the Secret Service their actual birth dates for security clearances and guests who ran into the State Dining Room, attempting to change name cards for better schmoozing potential.

Dining at the White House has been steadily de-formalized over the past few administrations, until it is nearly comparable to eating in a fancy restaurant. Guests regularly bring dates, reply by telephone (or forget to reply and have to be called), dress for shock rather than decorum, or refuse the invitation altogether, if they have something better to do.

First-timers who consider it a command performance and strain to live up to it by polishing their conversation, their shoes and their manners soon find that the custom is to treat it casually.

And that the unflattering rationale is that anything nicer and more special would be wasted on ordinary citizens, who wouldn't know how to handle it.

The main article was originally published on June 14 1994, and was written by Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia